A recent Reddit thread (rant?) that posed the theory: "Gen Z misuses therapy speak too much" seems to have really struck a nerve. The initial post inspired nearly three-thousand comments from people fed up with the way more and more people are casually tossing around words and phrases that sound like they're pulled directly from the mouth of a psychiatrist.
The rise of therapy speak has been swift and noticeable, especially in younger people. It's true that more people than ever are actually going to therapy and are more aware of mental health terms, but it's also true that even more people are learning about mental health and therapy words from TikTok, YouTube, and other social media. Some estimates indicate that over 80% of mental health content on TikTok is inaccurate!
I asked therapists and psychologists to tell me about some of the most commonly misused and misunderstood "therapy speak" buzzwords, and here's what they had to say.
1. Gaslighting
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The dictionary definition of gaslighting refers to purposeful, longterm psychological manipulation.
It really bugs psychology experts how this one has been co-opted (even though it's not an official clinical term).
"There are some terms being weaponized ... but one word, in particular, is gaslighting. That word has very serious implications and is often part of an abuse cycle.
"Now we’re accusing anyone who recalls something differently than us or who challenges us as 'gaslighting' us. I think that contributes to this idea that we’re not strong enough, not capable enough, too delicate to be called out, challenged, or doubted. In any way. Ever. This is doing no one any favors. - Leah Young, LPC at Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center Clinical Manager
2. Anxiety
Some people believe others use "anxiety" as an excuse, these days, for not wanting to do things that are uncomfortable.
Whether or not they do, it would help if we could all agree on the definition!
There's a difference between feeling anxious and having anxiety. Anxiousness can be managed and overcome, while anxiety is a long-term problem that must be treated.
"Having some anxiety is a normal thing—having an anxiety disorder is much different since it impedes everyday life and decisions," says Tirrell De Gannes, a licensed clinical psychologist.
3. Trauma / PTSD
When we're using the same term to describe going to war and having an argument with your parents, something has gone wrong.
'"This term is increasingly used to describe upsetting events or experiences. Not all upsetting events will cause a trauma response," says Audrey Schoen, licensed marriage and family therapist.
"And not everyone that experiences a traumatic event will develop PTSD. PTSD happens when the brain is unable to complete the processing and consolidation process after a traumatic event, and the effects can be severe and long lasting."
While we're at it, remember that "trauma bonding" is something that happens between someone and the person who abuses or mistreats them — if someone tries to relate to you based on a difficult experience you both shared, that's totally normal and not trauma bonding!
4. Narcissist
At some point, everyone who acts like a jerk to us became a "narcissist."
Let's leave the diagnoses to the professionals, OK?
"'Narcissist' has become a catch-all for selfish behavior, losing its connection to the clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder," says Caroline Fenkel, Chief Clinical Officer at Charlie Health.
5. Toxic
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"Toxic [is improperly used] to describe ineffective or unhelpful people or relationships. Or to describe someone who wasn’t for us after all. I’ve worked with patients who describe someone as toxic simply because that person started setting boundaries. This is another example of overusing a word to mean that we just don’t like something," says Leah Young
"Labeling every difficult interaction or disagreement as 'toxic' overlooks the complexity of human relationships. ... Simply writing someone off as 'toxic' doesn’t leave room for growth, understanding, or healing," says Joseph Cavins, licensed marriage and family therapist.
6. Unsafe / uncomfortable
"If a tween or teen is in trouble we often we hear them say they feel 'unsafe' or 'uncomfortable.' In reality, the adults in their lives are holding them accountable for inappropriate behavior," says therapist Jocelyn Bibi.
"Sitting in uncomfortable feelings is really challenging, and being told you did something wrong and reflecting on it is tough, particularly for tweens and teens. It seems like saying they feel 'unsafe' is a way out of these tricky conversations, whether it is a conscious action or not."
7. Triggered
"Triggered", the close cousin of "trauma" that the media loves to misuse!
"[Words like triggered] are often misapplied to situations that cause discomfort rather than true psychological harm. This happens in part because social media spreads these words quickly, without always providing their proper context," says Caroline Fenkel.
A trigger, in psychology, refers to something that sets off overwhelming distress and can relate to things like substance abuse or PTSD flashbacks.
8. ADD / ADHD
"Often used to describe someone that is easily distracted or tends to be a little scattered at times. The important distinction is that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that interferes with a persons functioning or development.
"It’s more than just being easily distracted, and can significantly affect someone’s academic or work performance, daily functioning, and relationships," says Audrey Schoen.
9. OCD
"Often people will use this to describe things they are particular or rigid about. Or someone that is more organized or likes to something a certain way. OCD involved recurring, intrusive thoughts of behaviors that are often uncomfortable or problematic to the person and its accompanied by a great deal of anxiety," says Schoen.
10. Bipolar
"This is often used in reference to someone having a mood swing or being moody. It might also be used to describe someone who is reactive or gets upset easily," says Schoen.
"Bipolar is much more serious and involved periods of severe mood changes. During manic episodes a person might feel euphoric, have intense racing thoughts, and engage in incredibly risky behaviors without any thought of the negative consequences. Depressive episodes may include intensely low mood and even suicidal ideation. The swings of bipolar can be significant, longer lasting, and may not have a clear trigger."
11. Boundaries
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People think of drawing boundaries as a healthy habit, and it is — but only if you know what it actually means.
"For example, say you do not eat meat. You go to dinner with friends and they order food with meat. A boundary is not to say 'I do not eat meat so no one around me can eat meat that is my boundary.' That is not a boundary-that is control," says Alex Banta, Clinical Director and therapist at Thriveworks.
"A boundary would be if you decide that you cannot be around people eating meat, you do not go to the dinner. A boundary is something you set related to your own behavior."
Alex adds that while therapy speak words like "boundary" are popular on social media, they can sometimes be used to justify unhealthy behavior.
"Controlling behavior gets wrapped in the term 'boundary' and suddenly the unhealthy behavior is allowed."
Sometimes these therapy-speak words are used casually in-jest, or in a self-deprecating jokey way. Other times, they're seriously misapplied. But there might be a small upside to the rising prevalence, or mainstreaming, of these words. Even if there's a ways to go when it comes to educating people on using them properly.
"More awareness means more conversations around mental health, and I can say that’s a positive shift. The key is education, making sure people understand the terms they’re using so they can apply them correctly and compassionately," says Joseph Cavins. "There’s always an opportunity to turn awareness into deeper learning, and that’s where we, as mental health professionals, can step in."
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