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The QAnon cult: What it is, how it works, and how to help deprogram your loved ones

The QAnon cult: What it is, how it works, and how to help deprogram your loved ones

Two weeks ago, we watched a pro-Trump mob storm the U.S. Capitol in an attempt to overthrow the results of a U.S. election and keep Donald Trump in power. And among those insurrectionists were well-known adherents of QAnon, nearly every image of the crowd shows people wearing Q gear or carrying Q flags, and some of the more frightening elements we saw tie directly into QAnon beliefs.

Since hints of it first started showing up in social media comments several years ago, I've been intrigued—and endlessly frustrated—by the phenomenon of QAnon. At first, it was just a few fringey whacko conspiracy theorists I could easily roll my eyes at and ignore, but as I started seeing elements of it show up more and more frequently from more and more people, alarm bells started ringing.

Holy crap, there are a lot of people who actually believe this stuff.

Eventually, it got personal. A QAnon adherent on Twitter kept commenting on my tweets, pushing bizarro Q ideas on many of my posts. The account didn't use a real name, but the profile was classic QAnon, complete with the #WWG1WGA. ("Where we go one, we go all"—a QAnon rallying cry.) I thought it might be a bot, so I blocked them. Later, I discovered that it was actually one of my own extended family members.

Holy crap, I actually know people who actually believe this stuff.


I've written articles about how QAnon's pedophilia-obsessed mythology does real harm to actual anti-child trafficking organizations. After the "Save the Children" hashtag started going viral based on (false) messages and memes about hundreds of thousands of children going missing every year as part of a Democrat-and-celebrity-run pedophile cabal, I interviewed international organizations that truly battle child sex trafficking. I shared their plea to stop pushing QAnon lies.

That brought to my inbox QAnoners accusing me of being a pedophile and part of "the Deep State." And now we've watched some of these folks stage a violent attack on our government.

Holy crap, this stuff actually has serious, real-world consequences.

At this point, it's not overstating to all QAnon a destructive cult. And it's likely that we all know someone who have been sucked into it. I know people who have lost friends and family members to this stuff, as reasoning with them goes nowhere and their constant conspiracy talk becomes unbearable.

That's where deprogramming comes in.

I've followed the QAnon saga for a long time, and it's a little tricky to know where to start if you're trying to make sense of it. (Trying to make sense of something that inherently doesn't make sense is always fun.) This documentary that was recently posted from a YouTuber called Infranaut is the best comprehensive overview of QAnon—and what to do about it on an individual level—that I've seen yet. If you want to understand what QAnon is, how it works, why it draws people in, and how to help loved ones get out, this video covers it all succinctly.

In addition to his own explanations, Infranaut interviews professional cult deprogrammer and founder of the nonprofit Cult Education Institute, Rick A. Ross, who shares steps families can take to help extract their loved ones from the QAnon cult.

I'm going to summarize some of the main points below the video but I highly recommend you go ahead and watch the whole thing. It's well worth it. If you want to skip to specific sections, here's a handy guide the creator shared.

0:00 Introduction

7:21 Part I - Defining "Q"

10:01 Part II - Becoming a Believer

20:39 Compliance Interlude

22:44 Part III - Staying a Believer

36:45 Capitol Interlude

39:14 Part IV - The Future of Q

53:28 Part V - A Way Out

1:05:52 Outro

Q's Going Nowhere: Cults and Conspiracies in the Online Erayoutu.be

The video starts by describing a bit about how cult thinking works and giving an example of a doomsday cult from the 1950s called "The Seekers," which serves as a comparative example throughout the video.

Then Infranaut gives a brief definition of what QAnon is:

"QAnon refers to the belief that the United States government, if not the entire world, is secretly run by the "Deep State," a shadowy organization that exists above and behind the current government as we understand it," he says. "While the exact size and goals of the Deep State are ambiguous, it's taken that their ranks include several figures in the public eye, that they are largely pedophiles, and depending on who you ask, also Satanists."

QAnon believes Trump ran for president in 2016 in order to expose and dismantle the Deep State. "Q" is a nameless someone who claims to be a high-ranking ally of Trump, working alongside him to defeat this Deep State, and who posts cryptic messages on anonymous online boards with information about how that fight is going and what's coming next. Many of these messages, or "Q drops" make reference to The Great Awakening or The Storm—the big finale when Trump and his allies will arrest prominent members of the Deep State and expose them in public.

Here's where it gets tricky, though. The QAnon world contains a mind-bogglingly large and complex set of beliefs, so it's a bit difficult to synopsize. The basic details above are pretty much agreed upon by all, but beyond that, it's an octopus with tentacles all over the place, and some beliefs contradict one other. For example, some believe Mike Pence is helping Trump fight the Deep State; some believe Mike Pence is a part of the Deep State. But no one seems to care about those inconsistencies much.

In fact, these various, inconsistent tentacles are part of what makes QAnon so strong. If you point to one super out-there belief (as if it's not all super out-there, but we'll hold that thought for a minute) there will always be a bunch of people who can say, "That's fake news. We don't believe that. You're just trying to make us look bad." If you get five different QAnon adherents together, you'll get five different explanations of what QAnon is.

That's because it's less of a defined set of beliefs, Infranaut explains, than "an explanation for why the world feels dark, confusing, and wrong."

And there are a dozen doorways to get into it. Some come through classic conspiracy thinking (JFK, Jr. is still alive, for example), some through bigotry (there's anti-Semitism in some core elements of QAnon belief), and some through a righteous desire to rid the world of evil.

The whole child trafficking/pedophilia thing has proven to be a big draw. After all, there is a grain of truth, in that those things actually do exist in the world (just not the way QAnon paints it). And is there anything worse than child sacrifice and sex slavery? No, there's not. Fighting to save children from such a horrific fate is an "inarguable moral good." If you truly believe that Democrats and celebrities are trafficking hundreds of thousands of children for heinous purposes, it would actually be wrong not to be part of a movement against it.

Infranaut and Ross explore a bit about how Christianity has overlapped with QAnon iconography, which Ross says is common in cults as people come up with ways to market the belief system and make it more palatable.

When you just look at one tentacle, you can see how people get pulled in. And then once you're in, the other beliefs become easier to accept.

It would be easy to call people who fall down the rabbit hole stupid because the entire thing sounds so ridiculous, but as Ross explains, it's not that simple. "I've seen people that are highly educated, very sophisticated people. I've done five interventions with medical doctors. One was an orthopedic surgeon, another an anesthesiologist. One woman that I worked with was a clinical psychologist, and she was, in my opinion, totally brainwashed. So very sophisticated, highly educated people can succumb to this kind of manipulation, and it behooves us to understand all the tricks and the methods that can be used to gain undue influence over us. And that's the inoculation. That's the vaccine, if you will."

None of us want to admit that we are vulnerable to such persuasion, but Ross points out that the world of advertising wouldn't exist if we weren't.

One of the tricks of QAnon is the central tenet of the Deep State and also "false flags"—the idea that the Deep State will do things that make QAnon look crazy or throw Q adherents off track. So when facts fly in the face of the belief, or when something that was supposed to happen doesn't, or when something that wasn't supposed to happen does, you can immediately blame the Deep State and dismiss it.

For example, when QAnoners do something violent or dangerous, that's the Deep State planting a false flag. We see a similar narrative in the "Antifa did it!" response to the Capitol riots. It doesn't matter that the FBI or the DOJ say that they don't have evidence of Antifa involvement—that's all part of the Deep State.

Trump hasn't helped any of this, of course. He has never denounced QAnon ideology. In fact, he's said he doesn't know much about it but they seem like people who love America. And his claims of election rigging have been fuel for QAnon belief; that's totally something the Deep State would do.

It doesn't matter that specific Q prophecies don't come true. Adherents just keep saying, "Trust the plan," even though the plan isn't clear. It's a test of faith. They also come up with ways to explain away facts that counter the belief.

This is what's the most bafflingly frustrating thing about trying to reason with a QAnoner. You just can't. It doesn't matter how many facts you bring in or logical inconsistencies you point out. "The lengths to which a true believer will contort the truth or manufacture evidence really can't be overstated," say Infranaut.

Rick Ross explains that people often follow QAnon in a cult-like way, gradually alienating or cutting themselves off from their families and social circles, making the QAnon world their primary community. The cult becomes the social circle, and that's an incredibly powerful pull for people.

No one knows what's going to become of QAnon after Trump is out of office, but there's very little chance of it going away. Most cults die out when a leader dies or goes to jail (though there are always believers who maintain loyalty no matter what). But barring those things happening to Trump, the QAnon movement will continue in ways we probably can't even imagine at this point.

So how do we get people out? The key hurdle is people's inability to accept and admit that they were wrong. Infranaut calls "the beating heart" of the QAnon movement is the idea of "I didn't get duped." No one wants to believe they voted for a conman, or that they supported a sexual predator, or that they are still waiting around for him to save the world.

Ross offers some hope for families, though. If done effectively, a deprogramming intervention process can extract around 70% of people who have been taken by a cult. For some who aren't as deep into the movement, it might not be as hard as for the long-timers, but the key to both is having the intervention come from people they are close to.

Unfortunately, it also entails a bit of what will feel like coddling. Some of us just want to confront them with the truth, to somehow shake them out of their brainwashed stupor, to scream, "How can you believe something so outrageously stupid!" But Ross says not to be confrontational or judgmental, but to keep the line of communication going to see how deep they are into the brainwashing.

Ross says if a family decides to stage an official intervention, it takes three or four days of dialogue in which loved ones supply support and love as they go step by step through the process.

Those basic steps of dialogue look like this:

1. How do you define a destructive cult? (Walk them through a different cult. Ross uses Scientology as an example.)

2. How does that cult gain influence over a person? (General methodology for brainwashing and manipulation the cult uses.)

3. What problems are you not aware of related to your group? (How those methods are used in your group, even if you don't think it's a cult.)

4. Why is your family so worried about you? (There's obviously a reason for this intervention. Each person explains what their concerns are, hoping the person will stay and listen because they care about the people intervening.)

Ross offers more details about how to go about that process on the Cult Education Institute website and he also recommended some books to read, which you can find around the 1:03:45 mark.

I wish I could say that QAnon will just fade away, but it does not appear likely that it will. It's endlessly annoying and clearly dangerous, but it's where we are. Hopefully, people can help their loved ones climb back out of the rabbit hole and rejoin us in reality.

Veronica Duque wearing her famous anatomy suit

Being an educator in the American public school system is one of the hardest jobs in our nation. Not only is the work itself challenging, but with constant battles for educational funding and a student body increasingly tethered to their electronic devices, most teachers in America and around the world are navigating uncharted territory when it comes to finding ways to keep their students engaged in their studies.

And that's why when Verónica Duque came across a form-fitting, anatomical bodysuit while doing some online shopping, she thought it would be perfect visual aid to convey vital information (pun intended) to her students in Spain, in a way they'd actually remember.

Turns out, the entire internet would remember it too.

Duque's husband tweeted a collage of images from the classroom lesson, which quickly went viral, with nearly 70,000 likes. Loosely translated, the tweet from her husband Michael reads: "Very proud of this volcano of ideas that I am lucky to have as a wife. Today she explained the human body to her students in a very original way. Great Veronica !!!"

In an interview with Bored Panda, Duque explained the thought process that led her to presenting her third-grade-class with a unique approach to learning.

"I was surfing the internet when an ad of an AliExpress swimsuit popped up," she said. "Knowing how hard it is for kids this young to visualize the disposition of internal organs, I thought it was worth giving it a try."

anatomy, anatomical suit, teachers, science, cool teachers, science class, amazonThis is a teacher who cares. assets.rebelmouse.io

Online retailers like Amazon have a number of similar anatomical bodysuits for sale. While most people apparently purchase them for Halloween costumes or as gag gifts, it's now likely that Duque's viral moment will inspire some other educators around the world to take a similar approach to teaching the body basics to their students.

anatomy, anatomical suit, teachers, science, cool teachers, science class, amazonHalloween costume, check. Amazon

While some on Twitter were critical of the suit, the vast majority have praised Duque for her innovative approach to teaching. And the anatomical bodysuit is reportedly far from her first creative endeavor in the classroom.

"I decided long ago to use disguises for history lessons," she told Bored Panda. "I'm also using cardboard crowns for my students to learn grammatical categories such as nouns, adjectives, and verbs. Different grammar kingdoms, so to say."

And when it comes to the inevitable, made-up controversy that tends to latch itself onto virtually anyone that goes viral, Duque said she says there's another far more controversial stereotype she hopes her brief moment of fame will help address.

"I'd like society to stop considering teachers to be lazy bureaucratic public servants," she said. "We're certainly not." Get this teacher a raise!

What really works about Duque's presentation is that it engages students in a sensorial experiences, which helps lessons stick (and let's face it, anything that engages he sense nowadays is a godsend). But there are other methods teachers/parents can try that don't involve wearing a suit with guts on 'em.

Here are some suggestions for hands-on "DIY experiments", courtesy of the Little Medical School website:

1. Building the respiratory system by creating a model lung with straws, balloons, bottles, and duct tape

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

2. Sculpting Body parts with Play Doh

(Grab free printable mats on 123Homeschool4Me)

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

3. Build a functioning heart model

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Of course, these lessons are a little more geared towards younger students, but at the same time, it could provide some inspiration for how to get students more involved in their own learning, just like Duque did.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

Former Amish woman shows people how to make cost effective food

Making tasty organic foods can be a challenge, especially when you're cooking for children or you're on a tight budget. Let's face it: most of us have become used to the convenience of being able to pick up things like jelly or granola bars from the grocery store. Trying to eat healthier usually means breaking the budget and spending a lot of extra time reading ingredients on packaging, then researching what those ingredients actually are.

Of course, eating whole unprocessed foods like fruits and vegetables is always a healthy option, but they're just not as fun as the snack foods we've come to love. How can we get the fluffy deliciousness of giant Jet-Puffed marshmallows in a healthier version? Turns out Lovina Zook has the answer.

Zook grew up Swartzentruber Amish, so she was not exposed to technology or other modern conveniences until after she left the Amish religion. Fortunately for us, though, all the knowledge she gleaned from her simplistic childhood remains.

Zook has been using her knowledge of making homemade foods, treats, and everyday products to teach others on social media to make healthier, homemade versions of their guilty pleasures. Her simplistic recipes that are typically cost effective have been a huge hit; her how-to videos regularly rack up millions of views. Zook's video on making homemade butter has nearly 20 million views and the recipe is only two ingredients, heavy whipping cream and salt. In the video about making butter, she says that a gallon of cream makes 3 lbs. of butter and you're also left with a good amount of buttermilk which can be used for baking or making pancakes.

One person commented, "She’s teaching everyone to live more affordably and i love this," Another wrote, "Girrrrrrrrrrllllllllll you are saving Americans money."

Zook's video on making three ingredient grape jelly has 17.4 million views. The recipe makes several jars of grape jelly by using really simple organic ingredients: organic grape juice, organic raw cane sugar (but white sugar will work as well), and pectin. She boils it up while whisking and, in a few minutes, she's pouring the liquid into mason jars. She turns them upside down to cool and when she comes back it's perfectly smooth grape jelly. Her recipe made five jars of jelly for likely the price of one jar of store-bought jelly.

"I don’t care what anyone says, this is the best beginner-to-intermediate cooking channel on TikTok," one viewer comments.

@literallyjust_a_girl This full recipe is in my Amish cookbook with 120+ other recipes on sale on my website right now
♬ original sound - Lovina

Another writes, "Amish food is the most organic, chemical free, delicious homemade food out there! We can definitely learn something from the Amish! Thanks for your videos and wisdom!"

In a few more recent videos, she shows her followers how to make homemade marshmallows, granola bars, graham crackers and even Velveeta cheese. Her page is a plethora of knowledge and affordable recipes that don't take a lot of time to learn.

As a show of support, people have also flocked to her page to shut down some viewers who were poking fun at her eye contact with the camera and accent.

@literallyjust_a_girl My Amish cookbook has over 150 recipes and is on a big sale right now only available on my website ➡️
♬ original sound - Lovina

As someone who grew up without access to technology, she's not accustomed to all the understood social norms of regular Internet use. As far as her accent, most Swartzentruber Amish speak Pennsylvania German, also known as Pennsylvania Dutch. It may be unique, but it doesn't stop her from sharing her knowledge.

One person writes in support of Zook, "I just saw somebody talk about how people were making fun of you for looking into the camera. Do not change who you are. You do great on here and don’t look down ever." Another person joined in by saying, "love this! please continue to educate us with these fantastic homemade recipes. And for everyone else who wants to step in with rude comments, please keep it to yourself and move on."

@literallyjust_a_girl Replying to @stronghandstogether ♬ original sound - Lovina

We certainly hope Zook continues to share her knowledge with the world as the economy changes and people aim to put healthier foods into their bodies. Since starting her page, Zook has been able to earn an income and recently released a digital cookbook that has more than 150 Amish recipes, many of which she has made on her social media pages. Hopefully she'll keep cooking and sharing secrets to eating healthy on a budget.

Learning to make sounds we didn't grow up with can be tricky.

When (or if) kids learn phonics at school, they're taught the symbols that go with sounds of their country's native language or languages. People all around the world grow up learning to make specific sounds with their mouths by imitating the language(s) they are immersed in, which can leave us completely unaware of how many other sounds there are until we hear a language that's far different from our own.

Even the common foreign languages that American school kids learn have sounds that can be tricky to get down. The rolled "r" in Spanish. The nuances of French vowel pronunciations. The glottal stops in German. The sound that's a mix between "r" and "l" in Japanese. And for people learning English, one of the trickiest sounds to get down is "er," as in the American pronunciation of "bird," "world," "summer," or "percent."

Oddly enough, for as common as the "er" sound is in English, it's linguistically rare. According to the Linguistics Channel @human1011, the "er" sound is found in less than 1% of the world's languages, rarer than the click consonants found in some languages in East and Southern Africa.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

As rare as the sound is, there are a lot of people in the world who use it, mainly because it's also used in Mandarin Chinese, or at least many variations of it. So, while there aren't many languages that use it, by sheer numbers of people, it's not that uncommon.

"So, a sound that's so rare that it's in less than 1% of the world's languages just happens to exist in the two most spoken languages on Earth? Can that really be a coincidence?" the @human1011 video asks. Well, yes. English and Chinese don't share a common linguistic root, so those sounds just happened to evolve in very different parts of the planet. According to some people in the comments of the video, there are regional dialects in Brazil where the "er" sound is used and in certain parts of the Netherlands as well.

Pronouncing the "er" sound is hard if you don't grow up with it, largely because it's all about the placement and shape of the tongue inside the mouth combined with the way the lips are positioned. That combination is physically tricky to show someone. This video, from a non-native-English-speaker does a good job of explaining the mouth movements that create the sound.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What's particularly interesting about the "er" sound in American English is that it functions as a vowel sound. Most of us learned that the vowels in English are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y, and that's true as far as written vowels go, but vowel sounds are different. In the word "bird," the letter "i" is a vowel, but doesn't make any of the "i" sounds that we learned in school. Instead, the "ir" combine to make the "er" vowel sound. It's called an r-controlled vowel, and we see it in tons of words like "work," "were," "burn," "skirt," etc.

Learn something new every day, right?

Here's another video that explains the physical aspects of articulating the r-controlled vowel sound.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Most of us don't think about the fact that sounds we pronounce without even thinking about it have to be specifically learned and practiced by people who didn't grow up with them. It's not until we start trying to learn a language that's different from our own that we see how many sounds we have to work hard to make, sometimes even having to train our mouth muscles in ways they've never been used before.

It's also a good reminder to be patient and kind with people who are learning a language. It's not easy, and anyone making an effort to communicate in someone else's language deserves our grace and kudos.

You can follow @human1011 on YouTube for more interesting linguistics trivia.

Gina Chick shares her grief journey on The Imperfect Podcast.

Losing a child is every parent's worst fear, one that most of us don't dare try to imagine. But it happens, and there's wisdom in listening to those who have experienced it rather than avoiding the subject altogether. Everyone's grief journey is different, of course, and bereaved parents may be at any phase of that journey at any given time, but it's enlightening to hear from someone who's traveled far enough down their own path of grief to be able to reflect and put into words how it's affected them.

New Zealand author and Alone Australia winner Gina Chick is one of those people. She lost her three-year-old daughter Blaise to cancer 10 years ago and shares what coming to terms with that loss has been like for her.

"Having and losing Blaise has given me the resilience to dance with life in ways I never would have imagined," Chick wrote for ABC Australia in 2023. "Dancing with grief over the past decade has taught me how to be with what is, rather than what I wish could be. Or should be. It's taught me to turn a challenge inside out to find the blessing in the lesson."

Chick, who spent 67 days alone in the Tasmanian wilderness to win on Alone, was a guest on The Imperfect Podcast. When the host asked her what it's like to lose a child, her response was just beautiful.

"I can't say what it's like to lose a child, but I can say what it's like to lose mine," she said. "The actual losing part, death, is such a doorway. And a body without someone in it is like, oh, like I understood life by having my daughter not have it in her body anymore."

"It was such a visceral and profound experience. To be able to midwife her out of life with the same presence that we brought her in was beautiful," she said. "And I said yes. I said yes to the grief. I said yes to that journey. And it meant that whenever I was grieving, I just went with it."

Chick explains that she has expressed her grief in every possible way, which is what makes her able to talk about it so calmly now.

"I can honestly say that having her was the greatest gift of my life, and losing her was the second greatest gift of my life," she said. "Because of her and because of losing her, I am stronger, I am calmer, I have more presence, I have more ability to hold people, I have more compassion. I'm a much better human. And the gift of her leaving is a gift that I walk around with every day, so every person who I touch or speak to, that's her. So, it's like her gift is me in the world, or me in the world is her gift."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

People were deeply moved by her answer.

"I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything this profound and beautiful and brutal and uplifting."

"Beautiful words ❤️ I feel this very much! I lost my angel daughter 14 months ago."

"I'm stunned by this post that I just found while randomly scrolling. Your words have spoken what I have felt in my heart, but can rarely verbalise accurately. Kissing my son's forehead while he laid on the mortuary bench, I've never shaken off the knowing that even though I was holding and kissing him, *he* wasn't there. Also, I rarely say this, but perversely, his loss was the greatest gift I've ever had. His loss taught me about love and humanity in a way that I would never have learned in an entire lifetime of living. Thank you for this wonderful post. You've touched the heart of a stranger in Ireland with this, and I am grateful to you for it."

"Wow. this woman is the embodiment of what it is to be able to appreciate the depth of tragedy, sit with it, process it, and come out on the other side with having your understanding transformed without your heart being hardened. It's such a rare thing to be able to witness - thank you for sharing!"

grief, death, loss, gina chick, aloneGrieving the loss of a loved one is uniquely personal.Photo credit: Canva

Many people who have lost children or other close loved ones shared that Chick's words brought them a sense of peace. But the writer had more to say, adding additional commentary to her video after thousands of people responded.

"I’d like to add something, for anyone who is going through deep loss and has been touched or triggered by this reel…

Losing someone who is woven into your cells, your being, your entire life, is something I would never want anyone to feel. And yet, so many of us are here. Feeling the unfeelable. Accepting the unacceptable. Thinking the unthinkable. Bearing the unbearable.

I do not for one second think or say my journey is like anyone else’s. Grief is as individual as a fingerprint. A heart print. We all do the best we can with what we have. Sometimes hopeless, sometimes numb, sometimes rage full, sometimes graceful, mostly graceless and clumsy and awful. Often all of these in one day. Hanging on by our fingernails. One day at a time.

In this clip I’ve spoken only about my journey and lessons. I don’t presume for a heartbeat that anyone else will have the same response. Grief has its own mystery.

For me, part of my journey has been a gradual acceptance of the gifts of grief. Grief is the flipside of the coin of love. The size of our grief is the size of our love for that which has been lost. That’s how big the pain is.

grief, love, grieving losing a loved one, losing a child, gina chick"Grief is the flipside of the coin of love." - Gina ChickPhoto credit: Canva

Leaning into it has brought me solace. For others it may be the opposite. Whatever gets us through, that’s all that matters.

We live in a culture that has lost its rituals and ceremonies. We don’t have a roadmap for grief.
People don’t know what to say to us. We can feel alone and lost.

I send deepest love and respect to anyone on this path of raw pure pain and loss, however it looks. I can’t know your individual flavour of pain, but I send you love, and I say I see you, and this sucks so hard, and I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you find some peace, somewhere, in the storm.

The gifts I’ve discovered here for myself are wrought in blood and anguish. I’ve collected them slowly, and they give me stepping stones through my grief. But I would be horrified to think anyone would compare their own process and think this is right or wrong. It’s just my way. Every path is the right one, because it’s ours.

grief, grief journey, path of healing, losing a loved one, gina chick"Every path is the right one, because it’s ours." - Gina ChickPhoto credit: Canva

I urge everyone on this thread to treat each other’s paths and hearts with exquisite kindness. The pain of losing someone who is part of you is indescribable.

Let’s hold each other with tenderness and compassion, and be each other’s lights in the dark."

You can find more of Gina's grief journey in her book, We Are the Stars: A misfit's story of love, connection and the glorious power of letting gohere, and on her website ginachick.com.

Family

Mom exposes 5 reasons why girls are skipping the tween phase, going straight from child to teenager

Kids used to watch Hannah Montana; now they're obsessed with their skincare routines.

Tweens reading their composition books to each other.

Have you heard the recent stories about nine-year-old girls who have become obsessed with skincare routines? These days, instead of wanting to get a gift certificate to Claire’s for their birthday, they prefer Sephora. How about the 10-year-olds obsessed with watching adult shows on Netflix instead of age-appropriate content on Disney+? It's all evidence of a disturbing trend: young girls seem to be growing up faster and skipping the awkward tween phase altogether.

Ashley Embers, a parenting YouTuber with over 127,000 subscribers, explored this topic in a compelling video that gives five reasons why young girls are skipping the valuable tween phase and acting like teenagers. This troubling trend is caused by changes in media, marketing, smartphone use, and how young girls socialize.

Why are tweens acting more like teenagers?

“This small sliver of time between childhood and teenage life was once a transitional phase where children would start to find their place in the world, but now they bypass their awkward stage altogether and jump straight into behaving like adults,” Embers opens her video.

Here are Ashley Embers' five reasons why childhood is being cut short for many tween girls.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

1. Tweens are abandoned by retail

“One of the reasons that preteens have fizzled out is because they don't have designated stores for them anymore,” Embers says. Growing up, when departing from childhood, you would get stores designed explicitly for that transition into teenhood. Think Pink by Victoria's Secret, Claire's, Justice, and Ardene. These stores got you out of the childish styles of clothing and accessories while still keeping everything age-appropriate.”

2. Social media has a bigger influence on tween fashion

“A big reason for the lack of preteen stores is because children's fashion influence is now coming from TikTok and Instagram rather than their peers at school,” Embers says. "The problem is that most of the creators on these platforms are over the age of 13, unless you go through the loophole of having a parent-run account, and this means that the kids who are going on these platforms are being influenced primarily by adults and teenagers.”

tween, pre-teen, girls 9 to 12, tween fashion, girls, middle schoolTween girls volunteering.via Canva/Photos


3. The demise of pre-teen media

In the video, Embers says that two types of media are just not as relevant for preteens anymore: television shows, specifically Disney programming, and magazines such as Tiger Beat or J-14.

"The cream of the crop was the Disney Channel. The shows from Disney were iconic and such a big part of so many people's upbringing, think of Lizzie McGuire, Ned's Declassified, Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, Sweet Life of Zach and Cody, That's So Raven," Embers says. "The thing that made these shows so special is that they taught us about the transition from childhood to adulthood. They addressed things like crushes, navigating cliques in school, conflict with friends and parents, and just finding out who you are, and what you want to be."

Embers says that kids watched these shows after school and could talk about them with their friends the next day or watch them together. But nowadays, people watch television at their own pace, and that communal spirit is gone.


4. Advertising has changed

There has been a significant shift in how tweens interact with advertising in the era of social media. The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act was passed in 1998, which prohibits social media platforms or online services directed at children under 13. Embers says that even though kids 13 and under shouldn’t be using many of these online platforms, they still do and are exposed to advertising for adult products, because it’s illegal to sell them anything else. This has affected tween tastes by making them advanced for their age. “We got ads for things like toys and games, and kids now are getting ads for Stanley Cups and wrinkle-free straws,” Embers says.


5. Overexposure to crisis

Once a tween is given a smartphone or their friends have them, they are exposed to many of the world's horrors. This causes them to lose the innocence of childhood and become worried about politics, natural disasters, inequality, and violent crime at a time when their brains aren’t developed enough to process them.

"There is increased exposure to violent or sexual content at a younger age which causes a desensitization and normalization because children's brains aren't fully developed to process this in a way that an adult brain can," Dr. Willough Jenkins, an inpatient director of psychiatry at Rady Children's Hospital, San Diego, said, according to Embers.

Embers’ reasoning for the end of the tween era may be distressing to many. Still, she concludes the video with a silver lining: schools and parents are beginning to crack down on smartphone use among tweens and teens, and we may be on the precipice of positive change. "The effects we're seeing of social media on kids are still so new that there's still time to rewrite the story for these kids," she says. "With all the research coming out about the damages of phones on children, things are starting to change."