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Motherhood

Moms explain the rarely discussed dissociative post birth phenomenon called 'the labor pause'

"When you just had a baby but you're too busy dissociating to enjoy the moment."

birth; child birth; motherhood; giving birth; labor pause; newborn
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The dissociation that can happen post-birth may have a name

Bringing a baby into the world is an experience you just don't understand until you've done it yourself. There are no current words available that could accurately describe the emotional, physical and mental state of growing and birthing a child. Many people have tried to explain to new expectant moms what the process is like but words often fall short.

This failure of accurate descriptive words isn't the only reason explaining the child birthing process feels impossible. Every person's experience with birth is completely different than the next persons. There are similarities, of course, and those are the things we hang onto as "normal" but everything isn't always discussed. "The labor pause" is a common phenomenon that is rarely talked about and difficult to explain.

When a new mom posted a video of her directly after giving birth appearing dazed, writing in text overlay, "when you just had a baby but you're too busy dissociating to enjoy the moment," a prenatal educator steps in to explain. The educator runs MamaShakti Prenatal and she shares that the phenomenon the mother is experiencing is called "the labor pause."


"Immediately following the birth some women have described feeling shocked and a little disconnected from reality, whilst others have described feeling wide awake, alert and euphoric," the Practice Issue says.

While there doesn't appear to be an official name for the moments of dissociation some mothers feel right after birth, the prenatal educator calls the post-birth condition, the labor pause. Parents flock to the comments to attempt to explain what this labor pause feels like and why it happens. Some of the answers are amusing and some make this moment after birth make so much sense.

"Your brain is resetting, it's deleting how bad delivery hurt so you will do it again," someone jokes. Another mom emphatically agrees with this hypothesis, writing, "I remember the whole time thinking… there’s no way I’m doing this again, this is literal torture and then somehow a few months post partum I remember it hurting but can’t exactly “remember” if that makes sense… oh.. and want to do it again."

episode 17 friends GIFGiphy

One mom explains, "Its crazy because you go from the most excruciating and terrifying experience (mostly for your first) to basically feeling fine, 10 pounds lighter, and then suddenly theres another human in the room. To feel that much pain for so long and then BAM everything is fine. It is super weird."

"In this mind state while she is mentally adjusting and trying to make sense of the ordeal and yes, trauma, if anyone were to try to take that baby right then, she would probably freak out and become a literal mama bear. She would mentally regress to "protect at any cost" because in this moment, she's just going by instinct, like an animal. Not saying this in any derogatory way, just stating a fact, she's not mentally aware of anything, her brain is reconciling and so it's, in this moment, reverting to a humans base instincts. Id, ego and i can't remember the last one," another woman analyzes the new mom in the video.

New Baby Nbc GIF by This Is UsGiphy

A doctor in the comments explains, "It’s common. Form of shock. Best thing to do is ask the patient to recognize objects in the room, such as do you see that cup next to the sink or notice the color of the wall, or see the socket. Do not ask what she wants or draw attention to the child. Motherhood will kick her right in the a** and they will be inseparable."

"I repeatedly screamed "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!!" For what felt like a minimum of 30 seconds immediately after my child was born. My THIRD child. It wasn't even my first rodeo, I knew full well how that happened. Crazy hormonal/ psychological experience to push a baby out," another laughs.

excited season 2 GIF by ShamelessGiphy

"I had no idea this was a common thing. Right after I pushed my son out I couldn’t look yet, I needed to breathe and then I felt bad for not crying and being overly emotional. I thought I didn’t have a connection or something. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. This boy never ever leaves my side and he is part of my soul," one mom shares.

The labor pause doesn't happen to everyone but it's a very common experience, even if the birth is via cesarean section. There seems to be something about the quick transition from one body to two separate humans that does something to your brain. Maybe your brain is deleting the painful experience or maybe it's digesting everything that took place. Either way, feeling like you're not really there for a few minutes after giving birth is completely normal and has no impact how much you love your new little one.

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Humor

13 everyday idioms that make zero sense until you know where they come from

Sweating like a pig? Pigs don't sweat!

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I've always really liked cliches, idioms, proverbs, and common phrases that we like to use over and over. They can get repetitive at times, but they're crucial tools in communication. They allow us to convey so much meaning in so few words — a commonly understood shorthand that can get complex points across quickly.

The only problem is that many of the most popular idioms in common use date back hundreds of years. In that time, they've either become outdated, or seen their words adopt new meanings. In some cases the idioms have been shortened or reversed, losing important context. So when someone tells you to "bite the bullet," you may inherently know what they mean — but if you really stop and think about it, you have no idea why it means what it means.

If you're a word nerd like me, you'll be absolutely fascinated by the origin and evolution of some of these common idioms, and how they came to mean what they mean today.

1. Sick as a dog / Working like a dog

dog typing on laptopGiphy

Ever have a cold and tell someone you're "sicker than a dog?" Kind of rude to dogs, in my opinion, and a little strange. I've had dogs my whole life and can't remember any of them coming down with the flu.

Sick as a dog actually originates hundreds of years ago, if not longer. Some explanations say that in the 1700s, stray dogs were responsible for the spread of many diseases, along with rats and other gutter critters. There are also references as far back as the Bible to dogs eating their own vomit — sounds pretty sick to me.

What about working like a dog? Dogs are the laziest creatures around! For this one you have to remember that dogs as "pleasure pets" is a relatively recent phenomenon, and before that they had to earn their keep by working tirelessly on the farm to herd and protect the animals.

2. Sweating like a pig

This is an extremely common idiom that we all use and accept. There's just one problem with it. Pigs don't sweat!

So... what gives? You might be surprised to hear that 'sweating like a pig' actually has nothing to do with farm animals.

According to McGill University: "The term is actually derived from the iron smelting process in which hot iron poured on sand cools and solidifies with the pieces resembling a sow and piglets. Hence 'pig iron'. As the iron cools, the surrounding air reaches its dew point, and beads of moisture form on the surface of the 'pigs'. 'Sweating like a pig' indicates that the "pig" (ie iron) has cooled enough to be safely handled. And that's a "pig" you wouldn't want to eat."

3. Bite the bullet

Biting the bullet refers to sucking it up and doing something hard, something you don't want to do but is necessary, and accepting the difficult consequences and/or pain that comes with it. But what does that have to do with biting a bullet?

There are different theories on this. One common explanation is that in the olden days it was common for soldiers on the battlefield receiving surgery to bite down on a lead bullet. You've probably seen people in moving biting down on a piece of wood or leather strap. Since lead is a softer metal, it would give just a little bit between their teeth and not damage them. So the idiom 'biting the bullet' means, okay, this is going to suck, just bite down and get through it.

4. Healthy as a horse

This one has always confused me. As a layman, it seems like horses are prone to injury and have trouble recovering when they hurt themselves. More research shows that horses can not vomit, which means they are highly at risk for deadly colic episodes. Doesn't sound super healthy!

The best explanation I can find for healthy as a horse is that, again, in the olden days, horses were symbols of health and strength and vitality. Which checks out — they're really powerful, majestic creatures.

5. Slept like a baby

To many parents, this common idiom is rage-inducing. If babies sleep so well, why am I so exhausted all the time?!

Yes, babies are notorious for waking up every few hours or at the first sign of hunger or a dirty diaper. It puts their parents through the wringer (another strange idiom!). But to the outside observer, a sleeping baby is pure bliss. They are so innocent and blissfully unaware of anything going on around them — after all, if they're not sitting in a dirty diaper they really don't have too many other things to worry about. Also, despite all their shenanigans, babies do sleep a lot — around 17 hours a day or so. When you put it that way, the idiom starts to make a little sense.

6. Happy as a clam

Clams are a lot of things. Some people find them delicious, others disgusting. One thing I think we can all agree on is that clams don't seem particularly happy, which makes this idiom a bit of a conundrum.

The truth is that this phrase is actually derived from the full version: "Happy as a clam at high water."

At low water, or low tide, clams are exposed to predators. At high tide, they're safe in deeper water. That's about as happy as mollusk can get!

7. The proof is in the pudding

Hey, we all love pudding. But what the heck does this mean? If you're not familiar, it refers to judging something based on the results it generates — but what that has to do with pudding is a bit of a mystery to most people.

This is another example of a shortened idiom that makes more sense when you read the full, original line: "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

According to Dictionary.com it "originated as a reference to the fact that it was difficult to judge if the pudding was properly cooked until it was actually being eaten. In other words, the test of whether it’s done is taking a bite."

8. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

smiling horseGiphy

I've always been a big fan of this idiom, which basically means that it's rude to over-analyze or criticize something you got for free, especially when it was a nice gesture from a friend or loved one.

But here we go with horses again! This phrase likely originated from the fact that you can determine a horse's age and health by looking at its teeth. So if someone were to give you a horse as a gift, it would be rude to immediately try to see how "good" it was by looking in its mouth.

9. Clean as a whistle

Whistles are objectively disgusting. They collect spit and germs every time they're used. I certainly wouldn't hold them up as a beacon of cleanliness.

So what gives with this idiom? There are several possible explanations that have been proposed.

First, a whistle won't work, or won't work very well, if it has debris blocking up its inside. So you can think of "clean" in this case as being "empty or free of clutter." Another possibility is that, in this idiom, clean refers to sharpness — as in the sharp sound a whistle makes — and that inference has been lost over time.

10. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

This phrase is commonly use to describe someone who was "self-made" and built themselves up into a success from nothing. Imagine lying on the floor and hoisting yourself to your feet using only the straps on your boots.

The only problem is... that's impossible! And that's exactly the point. This idiom is actually meant to be sarcastic and to imply that "socioeconomic advancement... was an impossible accomplishment," according to Useless Etymology.

11. Have your cake and eat it too

cartoon cake sliceGiphy

Why bother having a cake if you can't eat it? That's the mystery of this extremely common idiom or proverb (sometimes worded "you can't have your cake and eat it, too")

The explanation is actually really simple. "Have" in this case really means "keep" or "hold onto." So, in that case, it makes perfect sense that you can't eat your cake and also still have it. "You can't have it both ways," would be another way of saying it.

12. Head over heels

Very rarely do people describe being deeply in love without using this phrase. But it's a confusing one, because isn't your head always over your heels? That doesn't seem to be an extraordinary state of being.

The idiom here has actually been flipped over time for unknown reasons. Originally, it went "heels over head", implying upside down. Some say it may also reference certain sexual positions...

13. Pushing the envelope

When I think of radical, risky, or pushing the limits of what's possible, sliding an envelope across a table just somehow doesn't quite capture it for me. But an envelope doesn't have to be just a paper container that you put other paper in. It can actually refer to different parts and practices of an aircraft.

"Push the envelope comes from aeronautics, where it refers to a set of performance limits that may not be safely exceeded," according to Merriam Webster. Now that's more like it!

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Family

Parents are sharing the things they keep repeating to their kids who just never listen

via Pexels

A parent disciplines his child.

Parenting can seem a lot like parroting. You repeat the same demands over and over again. “Get in the car,” “Put on your shoes,” “Stop putting your finger in the light socket “ …the list goes on and on. As parents, we don’t want to sound like a nag; we’d like them to listen the first time, but sometimes it seems impossible. No parent is perfect and nor is any child, so the struggle continues.

Just imagine a blissful morning where you only have to say the following phrases just once:

“Wake up.”

“Put on your clothes.”

“Finish your breakfast.”

"Brush your teeth.”

“Grab your backpack.”

“Get in the car."

Or, even better, what if we never had to say those phrases in the first place? Sadly, this will never happen for 99% of all parents, but the good news is that you’re not alone.

Adam Rittenberg, senior writer for college football at ESPN, asked his followers on X what they have to tell their kids incessantly and he got back a list that every parent will understand.

So, how do we get our children to listen the first time? Is it even possible? Erica Reischer Ph.D. has some tips in Psychology Today that can help parents get on the right track. One of the most important is to make sure to cultivate the habit of paying attention.

“Because if you tend to ask again and again (and again), and then either give up and do it yourself—or resort to yelling—you may be unintentionally teaching your kids that you can be ignored until you either give up (you didn’t really mean it) or you yell (now you mean it),” Reischer writes.

She also said to be sure to let them know the consequences of not listening.

“Fair warning is critical because if children know in advance what the consequences will be for breaking a rule or ignoring a request, then they are making a choice about their behavior: whether they are going to follow the rule, or break the rule and bear the consequences. There are no surprises,” Reischer says.

It’s also important that parents follow through with any threats or else they will have no teeth. If you count to three to get the child to listen and after finishing the count there aren’t any consequences, they’ll eventually stop listening. But if you follow through every time, they will start paying attention very quickly.

There’s another great piece of parenting advice that seems to apply to just about every situation: “What you permit, you teach.” Whatever behaviors we allow our children to do, whether we like them or not, we reinforce.

Parenting is tough, but as the tweet thread above shows, we’re not in it alone. Parents from all walks of life have the same struggles because every kid seems to be blessed with the miracle of selective hearing. Unless, of course, you ask if they want ice cream, then they’re all ears.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Education

Swim coach's reaction when toddler tries to kiss him is a masterclass in teaching boundaries

People are impressed with how expertly and professionally he handled it.

Representative photo credit: Canva

It takes a village, as they say.

People who work with children—teachers, coaches, mentors—are often beloved by the kids they serve, especially if they're good at what they do. Those caring adult relationships are important in a child's life, but they can also lead to some awkward situations as kids learn appropriate ways to show affection to different people. A baby might cover their mother's face with slobbery kisses, but other adults may not appreciate that very much. As kids grow, they learn what's okay and not okay, not just from their parents but from the village of adults in their lives as well.

A perfect example of what that looks like was shared in a video showing a swim instructor at the end of a swim lesson with a toddler who hugged him and then went in for a kiss. The hug was expected and welcome—"Thank you, Mila. I love Mila hugs!" the swim coach said. But when she started to go in for a kiss, he immediately pulled back, gently saying, "No, no kissy. No kissy 'cause I'm coach. You only kiss Mommy and Daddy, okay?"

The little girl looked a bit dejected and started to cry, and he quickly gave her an acceptable alternative. "Okay, hey! High five!" he said, while holding up his hand. "High five 'cause we're all done!" She calmed right down, gave him a high five, and then he moved on to clean-up time.

Watch:


Teaching boundaries to children
byu/alucard_axel inMadeMeSmile


His expression at the end of the video says it all—he knew that was a teachable moment that could have gone very wrong, but he handled it with clear professionalism and toddler-friendly expertise. People loved seeing such a great example:

"So sweet... I sometimes have young clients who want to give kisses and it's so cute but you do have to tell them "no" because it's an important boundary to learn. Not everyone wants kisses!"

"On top of knowing not to do it to other people, it also teaches them for themselves that other people shouldn’t be just giving them kisses."

"The kid is absolutely adorable but that coach is on another level. Creating the boundaries while keeping it cool and recording the whole thing so the parents are extremely comfortable. Dude is setting a hell of example."

"It sounds like he's got a good balance between encouraging her growth and setting appropriate boundaries. Kids can be incredibly affectionate, and it's important to gently guide them in understanding what's suitable."

Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

"I also think it’s important for the parents’ comfort that a grown man swimming with their young girl isn’t overstepping boundaries/being predatory. From the outside looking in, it’s hard to know for sure when something is innocent or not. It’s better to just stay away from those situations as a whole."

"The little girls I used to babysit always tried to give me kisses (they were between 2-5) and I had to tell them that I’m not related to you, so you can’t kiss me. You can hi-five or hug me, but no kisses! They still give me running tackle hugs when they see me!"

A few commenters pointed out that some cultures see kissing as totally acceptable, as it's frequently used as a friendly greeting for people of all ages and genders. But even in those cultures, boundaries based on relationships and contexts are important to learn, and it's helpful when adults help teach those lessons so it doesn't all fall on the parents.

Well done, Coach. Thanks for giving us all such a fabulous example to follow.

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Health

Mom's reaction immediately after an unmedicated birth vs. 4 days later tells a whole story

So many moms have had this flip-flop experience.

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For many women, childbirth is the hardest and most empowering thing they'll ever do.

Childbirth is a life-altering experience no matter how you do it, and, thankfully, these days we have choices in how we give birth. Epidurals have given women the option to remove much of the pain of childbirth and modern medicine has made c-sections safer than they used to be. However, there are still many women who choose, for various reasons, to labor and give birth without any medications at all. Some even choose to do it more than once.

One mom perfectly captured the experience many women have had after giving birth unmedicated in a video captioned, "So hard but so worth it after." The first few seconds show the mom immediately after her the birth as the nurse is cleaning up the baby. "Ah, gosh dang," the mom says. "That was terrible." Shortly thereafter, a woman's voice off camera asks, "Should I do it or no?" and the mom laughs through a shaky smile and bluntly says, "No."

woman just after giving birth unmedicated13M views · 85K reactions | so hard but so worth it after😂🤣🥹 #unmedicatedbirth #unmedicatedlabor #midwife #birthstory #noepidural #epidural #birth | My Infertility FightMy Infertility Fight/Facebook.

But it's a whole different story a few days later, when she's seen all smiles holding her newborn. "Me 4 days later already planning on doing it again with my next baby," the text overlay reads.

How did she go from "Terrible, nope" to "Let's do that again!" in a matter of days? Having had three unmedicated births myself, that flip-flop is all too familiar. It's common to reach a place of "OMG WHY DID I DO THIS I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN" sometime in the labor and birthing process as your body is pushed and stretched to its limit. There are moments you're convinced it's impossible and you're pretty sure you can't take another minute of it. How long it takes to get past that point and experience the rush that counteracts the pain varies person to person, but for many women (certainly not all), the overall experience is empowering and exhilarating enough that they end up wanting to do it all over again.

Contrary to popular belief, research indicates that women don't really forget the pain of labor. Like anything else, experiences vary from person to person, but speaking for myself, I still haven't forgotten the pain of childbirth two decades later. The pain part was as gnarly as people describe it, but I prepared for it and did what I could to manage it mentally and physically. Ultimately, I came away from my first birth feeling like a literal superhero with no limit to what I could do. It's hard to describe the power of that feeling, but it's what made me do it two more times.

The mom's video got people asking why on Earth someone would choose to put themselves through the pain of childbirth if they don't have to. "You don't get extra points for that," and "What are women trying to prove?" are common sentiments when someone talks about giving birth without meds, but moms make that choice for a variety of reasons and it's rarely to prove anything to anyone. Sometimes it's because medications come with some risk and they want to avoid those risks, even if they're small. Sometimes it's because women are curious about what the natural process of labor and birth feels like and they want to fully experience it. For some, it's similar to why people run marathons—to see what they and their bodies are capable of. Some have bad experiences with meds or simply don't enjoy the idea of feeling numb or not having control over their body.

Here are some moms' explanations for why they chose unmedicated childbirth:

"I was 100% natural both times because I wanted to fully experience it. The thought of an epidural petrified me more than child birth as well. Like 500x more scared. Wasn't out to prove anything to anyone. WAY before social media was a place to share these things. I just wanted full control."

"Honestly, I did mine naturally purely because as a woman I have always been curious about the feeling of labor and delivery. It’s just something I had to experience and honestly I really enjoyed my experience. I wouldn’t say I suffered either. The pain was manageable."

"I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I was also very worried about the first few days of my baby’s life being with me having a spinal headache which I got from a spinal tap. I did unmedi[c]ated for a 35 hour birth with 12 hours on pitocin for my daughter. My son I labored 30 hours unmedicated then tired an epidural for a few hours since I was heading to a C-section. I hated the epidural—I felt so out of control with it. I so much preferred unmedicated."

""Sometimes it just goes too fast! With my first there was no time, and I hadn't planned on getting anything. I have high pain tolerance, so wasn't worried. The gal in the hospital room next to me had had an epidural. I was the 4th mom to room with her in a week. She was going on her second week flat on her back with a bad headache and other side effects. She was not allowed out of bed, and could not hold her baby without assistance. I decided if I had more children all births would be natural. A woman should be free to choose without people judging her one way or the other."

And that's really the crux of it—there's no need to judge someone's experience, no matter how they give birth. Every birth is different, every person has different preferences, and people shouldn't knock another's choice simply because it's not the one they would make. Instead, let's celebrate the fact that we do have choices that our ancestors didn't have and give one another the grace to share our birth experiences in all their glory without making assumptions or judgments about them.

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Pop Culture

Christina Applegate's Walk of Fame speech highlights the importance of showing up for friends

'I don't say that I have friends, I have family. These people take care of me.'

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Christina Applegate's Walk of Fame speech.

Christina Applegate was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on November 14, 2022. It was her first public appearance since announcing her multiple sclerosis diagnosis. While the Married… with Children alum cracked jokes, she also shined a spotlight on the importance of showing up for friends.

Applegate uses a cane to help her walk, but there was one unmistakable person standing behind her, quite literally holding her up at times—Katey Sagal. If you were a teen in the '90s you'll remember that Sagal played Peg Bundy, the mother of Applegate's Kelly Bundy in Married… with Children.

The speech was touching on its own and watching Sagal protectively stand and wait while her TV daughter-turned-friend spoke cranked up the emotional factor. Applegate's support team didn't stop there. Her TV brother David Faustino was in attendance as well as her two co-stars from Dead to Me. The star got pretty choked up explaining what they all meant to her.

Friendship is something that can easily be taken for granted and it doesn't always survive the tough moments of life. But it seems as if Applegate has found a group of friends that prove how important it is to build the family you want by taking inventory of the friends that show up. Applegate fought back tears when she said, "I don't have friends, I have family. These people take care of me. They take care of me every day of my life and without them, I don't know what I would do."

If you've ever needed a reminder on how important building your community is, watch Applegate's speech. The people that show up for the hard stuff are the ones you want to surround yourself with when celebrating the better times. Check out her speech below.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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