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Portland's mayor took a stand against hate, but the ACLU is pushing back. Here's why.

You can't overcome hate with censorship, but that doesn't mean it has to win.

On May 26, 35-year-old Jeremy Joseph Christian allegedly stabbed three men on board a Portland light-rail train after they attempted to intervene on behalf of a Muslim woman who Christian was verbally harassing.

Two of those men, Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche and Ricky Best, died while a third, Micah Fletcher, survived.

Photos of Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche and Ricky Best in a memorial set up in Portland. Photo by Alex Milan Tracy/AP Images.

Three days after the incident, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler weighed in with an important message for his city.

In the message, posted to his Facebook page, Wheeler calls on the federal government to revoke the permit granted to an "alt-right" group hosting an event in Portland's Shrunk Plaza in June.

He also appeals to the organizers of the white supremacist group to cancel the planned demonstration. "There is never a place for bigotry or hatred in our community, and especially not now," Wheeler wrote.

"I am calling on every elected leader in Oregon, every legal agency, every level of law enforcement to stand with me in preventing another tragedy."

Here's the full text of Wheeler's post:

"On Friday three men Rick Best, Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche, and Micah Fletcher stood up against bigotry and hatred. Two paid with their lives. A third was seriously injured.

Our community remains in shock and mourning. But we are also tremendously grateful to our heroes and their families for their selflessness and heroism. They will serve to inspire us to be the loving, courageous people we are meant to be.

As Mayor, I wanted to update you on a few developments:

1) I have reached out to all of the victims and their families, including the two women who were terrorized and subjected to such hatred and bigotry. I have offered my unconditional assistance and support, day or night.

2) I have confirmed that the City of Portland has NOT and will not issue any permits for the alt right events scheduled on June 4th or June 10th. The Federal government controls permitting for Shrunk Plaza, and it is my understanding that they have issued a permit for the event on June 4th."

3) I am calling on the federal government to IMMEDIATELY REVOKE the permit(s) they have issued for the June 4th event and to not issue a permit for June 10th. Our City is in mourning, our community’s anger is real, and the timing and subject of these events can only exacerbate an already difficult situation.

4) I am appealing to the organizers of the alt-right demonstrations to CANCEL the events they have scheduled on June 4th and June 10th. I urge them to ask their supporters to stay away from Portland. There is never a place for bigotry or hatred in our community, and especially not now.

5) I am calling on every elected leader in Oregon, every legal agency, every level of law enforcement to stand with me in preventing another tragedy.

6) When and if the time is right for them, I would like to work with the families to find an appropriate way to permanently remember their sacrifice and honor their courage. Their heroism is now part of the legacy of this great city and I want future generations to remember what happened here, and why, so that it might serve to both eradicate hatred and inspire future generations to stand up for the right values like Rick, Taliesin, and Micah did last week."















The ACLU of Oregon, however, doesn't agree with Wheeler, saying that what he suggested is a form of censorship.

In a response on their own Facebook page, the organization explained (emphasis added):

"Our hearts are broken, but government censorship is not the answer. The government cannot revoke or deny a permit based on the viewpoint of the demonstrators. Period.

It may be tempting to shut down speech we disagree with, but once we allow the government to decide what we can say, see, or hear, or who we can gather with, history shows us that the most marginalized will be disproportionately censored and punished for unpopular speech.

We are all free to reject and protest ideas we don't agree with. That is a core, fundamental freedom of the United States. If we allow the government to shut down speech for some, we all will pay the price down the line. We must defend the Constitution, even when it is uncomfortable.

If the government has concrete evidence of an imminent threat they can and should address it without restricting First Amendment rights of others."





The thing is ... both Wheeler and the ACLU of Oregon are right in different ways.

So where does that leave us?

At his arraignment, Christian shouted, "Free speech or die. Get out if you don't like free speech ... you call it terrorism, I call it patriotism ... die." Photo by Beth Nakamura/The Oregonian/OregonLive.

Like a lot of things in life, it's a bit nuanced.

Before you hop on #TeamTed or #TeamACLU, it's important to acknowledge that pretty much everyone involved in this has good intentions, is disgusted by Christian's actions, and doesn't want anything like it to happen ever again.

On one hand, you can absolutely see where Wheeler is coming from. With tensions running high and the fact that Christian had just recently attended a similar rally, it makes perfect sense that his impulse would be to shut down upcoming rallies for fear of provoking or inspiring another attack. With the city still mourning this loss, it's understandable that he'd look for ways to de-escalate the situation however he can and send a strong message against hate and bigotry.

On the other, the ACLU is totally right when it says the government can't simply revoke permits because of someone's political views. Responding to a comment on Facebook, the organization suggested that the mayor take a more measured approach that doesn't violate the Constitution by talking to the groups planning to hold rallies and asking them to reschedule in light of the recent attack. The groups don't have to, but without outlining why these rallies pose an imminent threat, that's about all Wheeler can legally do.

Freedom of speech, however, does not mean speech without consequences.

There are times when law enforcement can and should intervene to prevent speech from becoming action. For this, let's look at how the ACLU responded to the 2011 shooting outside the office of then-Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (emphasis added):

"It is important to remember that while the First Amendment carefully guards our liberty to speak freely except in the most circumscribed situations, it is not a barrier to effective law enforcement against those reasonably believed to be involved in unlawful activity. ... In times like these, it is natural to look for ways to quell our horror and fear. But it is when people feel most vulnerable that our liberties are most at risk. Unraveling the principles that form the core of our democracy is not the answer."

No matter what someone's personal politics are, no matter what group they belong to, it's important that they're afforded that crucial right to freedom of speech. However, in heated times with heated rhetoric, we — and law enforcement agencies — have a responsibility to prevent that speech from boiling over into physical violence.

If the groups behind those upcoming "alt-right" demonstrations want to act in good faith, then yeah, perhaps they should think about canceling their demonstration in light of recent events. Up until Jeremy Christian pulled out a knife, he sounded just like them. To show that they do not condone his behavior — and not risk being seen as "reasonably believed to be involved in unlawful activity" and held responsible should another attack happen — canceling might be in their best interest to preserve their freedom of speech.

Whether or not these demonstrations happen, it's on the rest of us to not let an ideology of hate win out.

We can look to the brave men who lost their lives to this senseless violence as an inspiration to recommit to looking out for one another and standing up against hate. That might just be the best way to honor their memories.

A memorial set up in Portland shares a message of love and hope. Photo by Alex Milan Tracy via AP Images.

Family

A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.

Unfading adornments

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.

Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19

bullying

The most compelling argument for students keeping their phones in class is also the worst one

It's utterly ridiculous that guns have to be part of this conversation.

Photo by RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Students don't need their cell phones in class. But is that always true in the U.S.?

Should students be allowed to have cell phones with them in class? This question has been plaguing schools, teachers, parents and students for the past 15 years, with little consensus. It's as if we've been conducting an experiment of sorts with kids and teens, as smartphones can be both powerful tools and problematic distractions.

There are arguments to be made on both sides, one argument in favor of letting students have their phones in class is particularly compelling. It's also particularly disturbing.

What if a school shooting happens?

It's a ridiculous question that parents and students have to ask—not because it's not possible, but because it is possible. We all know it can happen because we've watched mass shootings play out in American classrooms, hallways, libraries and cafeterias over and over and over. Kids in this country know exactly what to do if a person with a gun opens fire in their school. And yet all those active shooter drills and all the thoughts and prayers after each shooting hasn't prevented it from happening again.

Do other countries ban cell phones in classrooms?

Other countries have had to have the cell-phones-in-class conversation, but other countries don't have "What about our regularly scheduled school shootings?" as a legitimate argument in that conversation. Parents in the U.K., Italy, Japan—they don't ask "What if a school shooting happens?" because they're too rare to even consider.

Here's an eye-opening statistic: From January 1, 2009 to May 21, 2018, the U.S. had 288 school shootings where at least one person, not including the shooter, was shot on school grounds. During that same time frame, the other G7 countries (Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan and the U.K.) had five school shootings. Not five each—five total between all six countries.

And since 2018, we've kept right on going. We've already had 45 school shootings in 2024 alone. Most shootings in schools don't make national news—just the "mass" shootings, which happen way too often. When the citizens of a country can easily rattle off school shootings like they're listing football teams—Columbine, Sandy Hook, Parkland, Uvalde, Virginia Tech—we have to admit we have a problem.

And that problem influences our lives in more ways than we realize. A seemingly straightforward question—"Should kids have cell phones in class?"—is absurdly complicated by the reality of gun violence in America. In a reasonable world, the answer would be "No, of course they shouldn't have cell phones in class." England, France, Netherlands, Finland, Sweden, China, Australia, Greece, Russia, Ghana, Uganda and other nations have established prohibitions against cell phones in classrooms, with Sweden even banning them during breaks between classes. It definitely can be done.

School is the one place where they're supervised and surrounded by peers, so there's really no need for students to have a phone on them during school hours. Generations of people survived entire childhoods and teenhoods without carrying a phone, and even if they need it to coordinate rides after school or whatever, it's not a necessity during class.

Unless, of course, there's an emergency. One that's immediate and life-threatening, but doesn't allow them to evacuate. One that traps kids inside their classrooms with just enough time to text their parents while waiting to see if they and their classmates are going to be killed or have to watch one another die.

In most places, that kind of an emergency would be so unlikely it wouldn't even be considered as part of the conversation. In the U.S. it's a real possibility that must be taken into account.

What are the chances of experiencing a school shooting?

The chances that a child will be killed in a school shooting is statistically pretty small, even with the number of shootings we have. And yet, it's astronomically higher in the U.S. compared to other countries. And that risk has risen dramatically over time, with the American College of Surgeons reporting that school shootings have quadrupled since 1970.

The most damning statistic when it comes to kids and guns is that gun violence has been the leading cause of death for children ages 1 to 18 in the U.S. since 2020. More children and teens are killed by guns than by any illness or accident in this country. Johns Hopkins calls gun violence a public health epidemic, and the U.S. surgeon general has declared it an "urgent public health crisis." And it's not getting better.

Those statistics are only talking about deaths, though. Gun violence entails more than just the people being shot to death. What about life-altering injuries that result from gun violence? What about the lifelong impact of witnessing your friends, classmates and teachers being shot? For every kid killed by a firearm there are many more who are seeing and experiencing it and having to live with that trauma.

Students know this. Parents know this. That's why so many are hesitant to have kids store their cell phones during class time. There are solutions that would keep call phones nearby but not allow them to be a distraction in class, but that doesn't change the fact that we have to talk about guns when we're talking about student cell phone use—nor does it change how ridiculous it is that guns are any part of that equation.

Cell phones in classrooms are a real problem, but when compared to a gunman shooting up your kid's classroom, that problem seems trivial and unimportant. We're losing the ability to solve problems on so many levels because we refuse to treat a crisis like a crisis. The answer to "What if a school shooting happens?" in response to "Should students have cell phones in class?" can't be, "Eh, don't worry about it." American families already are worried about it. We can't address the cell phones in class issue without also addressing the gun violence crisis issue, because for students in U.S. schools, the two are intertwined whether we like it or not.

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Hospice nurse shares clue she uses to know if someone is dying 6 months before it happens

"Allow the body to be the guide."

via Sabinevanerp/Pixabay

An old woman holding a cane.

Death is the last great mystery that all of us face. We don’t know when we will go or can really be sure what comes next. So there’s understandably a lot of fear and uncertainty that most of us feel around death, whether we’re thinking about ourselves or a loved one.

That’s why Julie McFadden's work is so important. As a palliative care nurse in the Los Angeles area, who has seen over a hundred people die, her TikTok videos shed light on the process to make us all a bit more comfortable with the inevitable.

McFadden is also the author of the bestseller, “Nothing to Fear.”

The nurse’s experience helping people in their final stages has given her a unique perspective on the process. In a recent video, she shared how she can see the first symptoms that someone is going to die a natural death about 6 months before they finally do.

Interestingly, she can determine that someone only has half a year left to live when most of us have no idea they have entered the final stages of life.

@hospicenursejulie

Replying to @Mariah educating yourself about scary topics will help decrease fear. ✨Nothing to Fear ✨- my book- out june 11th #hospicenursejulie #hospicenurse #caregiversoftiktok #medicaltiktok #learnontiktok #nothingtofearbook

What are the symptoms of dying at the 6-month mark?

McFadden adds that people who are dying are usually placed in hospice care when the symptoms begin to appear around the 6-month mark.

"You will have very generalized symptoms. Those symptoms will usually be, one, you will be less social. So you'll be more introverted than extroverted," McFadden said. "Two, you will be sleeping a lot more. And three, you will be eating and drinking a lot less. Literally, everyone on hospice, I see this happen to."

heaven, clouds, ray of lightA Ray of light over a mountain. via PIxbay/Pexels



What are the symptoms of dying at the 3-month mark?

You are going to notice more debility,” McFadden continues. “They will be staying in their house most of the time. It's going to be difficult getting up and just going to the bathroom. Again, sleeping a lot more and eating and drinking a lot less.”

What are the symptoms of dying at the 1-month mark?

Something usually begins to happen in the final month of someone’s life. They start to believe they are in contact with others they have lost. It’s like they are there to make the dying person feel comfortable with their final transition.

"Usually around the one month mark is when people will start seeing 'the unseen', they have the visioning. They'll be seeing dead relatives, dead loved ones, dead pets, old friends who have died,” McFadden said. “Again, not everyone — but many, many people will start seeing these things at around one month."

heaven, death, trumpetAn angel with a trumpet.via PixaBay/Pexels

Angela Morrow, a registered nurse at Verywell Health, agrees that people in the final stage of life often hear from those who have passed before them. Morrow says we should refrain from correcting the patients when they share their stories of talking to people and pets who have died. "You might feel frustrated because you can't know for sure whether they're hallucinating, having a spiritual experience, or just getting confused. The uncertainty can be unsettling, but it's part of the process," Morrow writes.

At the end of the video, McFadden says that the most important factors palliative care nurses look at to determine the stage of death are eating, drinking and sleeping. “Most people, a few weeks out from death, will be sleeping more than they are awake. And they will be barely eating and barely drinking,” McFadden said.

i.giphy.com

In the end, hospice nurses “allow the body to be the guide” as they help their patients transition from life to death.

McFadden’s work has brought a lot of peace to her followers as they go through trying times. "My mom is in hospice right now and she’s currently, I think, hours or days from death. YourTikToks have helped me out tremendously," Deb wrote. "My grandma passed away in February, and she experienced all of this. this page brings me peace knowing everything she went through was natural," Jaida added.

"Thanks, Julie. I volunteer in a hospice end-of-life facility, and this helps educate the families. Your posts are wonderful," Grandma Nita wrote.

One of the things that makes death so scary is the number of unknowns surrounding the process. That’s why it’s so important that McFadden shares her stories of helping people to the next side. She shows that death is a natural process and that hospice nurses are here to help make the transition as peaceful as possible.

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Joy

15 things most women don't realize that men find attractive

Men aren't just staring at your body.

via Neva Szpigel/Pexels, Hannah Barata/Pexels, arvin latifi/Pexels

Three women that men find very attractive.

There is so much more to a woman being considered attractive by a man than having a specific waist-to-hip ratio or a perfectly symmetrical face. Sure, it’s a lot easier to be considered beautiful when you’ve won the genetic lottery, but men are paying attention to a lot more than a woman’s measurements.

Guys can get a bad rap for being shallow, but the average dude isn’t only attractive to women who look like they've been Photoshopped. According to a viral AskReddit post, he’s looking for a woman with a natural look and a down-to-earth personality.

A Redditor asked men on the Reddit AskMen forum to share the following: “Minor things are very attractive to women, but they never seem to realize it?” Most of the men who commented noted that they like a confident but casual woman who likes to dress comfortably and has a natural look.

The opinions the guys shared were affirming to many of the women who responded. They were happy to learn that many men find women comfortable in their bodies to be the most attractive. In a world where beauty standards shoved down our throats by the media are unrealistic, it’s great to hear men be honest about what they like in a real woman.



It’s also important to note that the Redditor asked men to share what they found attractive, so unfortunately, we don’t have the female take on the question, which would be fascinating as well.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question, “What minor things are very attractive on women, but they never seem to realize it?”

1. Passionate about hobbies

"Being extremely passionate about her hobbies."

"Seeing someone speak about their passion in life is probably my favorite thing in anyone. It’s when they’re at their happiest, most excited self? That enthusiasm and charm they give off during those times, nothing else can really replace that."

2. Messy hair

"It's casual and intimate. It's not that being done up is unattractive or anything. Messy hair tends to be associated with bed head. This is an intimate thing given how women tend to be very put together. Seeing the woman for herself is a deeply beautiful thing. While I have thought the women I've been with were beautiful when they were all done up for special events and even in casual clothes, I was always most attracted to them when we first woke up next to each other. Our breaths smelled like shit and we had sleep in our eyes, but it never mattered to me even for a second."

"There's enough order in the world, and it can be a bit... stifling at times. It's nice to see such a minor thing (in the grand scheme of things) go a bit chaotic. It shows that she can be herself, and that she can be free."

3. Glasses

"I love a blind a** girl that needs glasses."

"Eyes are everything and glasses blow up the eyes."



4. Mental maturity

"Consistency in exhibiting a pleasant demeanor and emotional maturity/intelligence is very much attractive!"

"And not just mental maturity, but emotional maturity as well."

5. Good hygiene

"Hygiene. My wife uses this body spray after she gets out the shower and every time I smell it it’s like the first time. Nails manicured not overly long but she’s leaning into a more pointed tip because you know…I like it."

6. Freckles

"Seeing a lady without makeup for the first time and finding out she has freckles is divine."



7. A belly

"I like it when girl has a belly. It seems to be one of the biggest insecurities out there. It saddens me. I go crazy when people are confident in their bodies."

8. Focus

"Personally, I like a focused woman, I don't mean the serious woman, but I mean when she is trying to get a job done, like solving a math, trying a open a tin with a really tight lid, she is focused on 'how do I get 5his done?' that's what I mean."

9. Natural look

"Not having cosmetic surgery. Serious girl, your lips are perfectly kissable without any lip filler."



10. Being a mother

"Having my child. My wife skyrocketed in attractiveness as soon as I first saw her holding our baby. And she was already pretty damn attractive. Losing the baby weight paled in comparison to this."

"At a certain point, the shared experiences and the stock you put into each other should outweigh the importance of whatever drew you together in the first place. The women stressing out about looking older never seem to realize this."

11. Kindness

"Gratuitous kindness. It’s one of those inner beauty sort of things. Actually, come to think of it, not being rude is an even smaller thing that does the same thing but in a more subtle fashion."

12. At ease around men

"Being at ease in the company of men. It is so obvious when a woman was raised with brothers and their brothers' friends."



13. Not being obsessed with online attention

"Finding a woman who doesn't post a lot on social media is like finding a new BBQ joint that is amazing and nobody knows about it."

14. Baseball hat

"Baseball cap with the ponytail pulled out the back. Men’s dress shirt and pajama bottoms in the morning. A tiny wisp of hair comes out near the ear that seems a little bit messy but just fits perfectly on your face. And lastly, the small gap between the end of your skirt and the top of your boots. That’s small amount of skin that doesn’t really, have a traditional sexy value just look so damn good on you."

15. Braided hair

"When my wife does her hair up in French braids, I melt."

"I don't know how to academically explain it but you look like fancy princesses and I want to marry into wealth and royalty."

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Identity

Man exposes the absurdity of sexist marketing by creating shirts that label men like we do women

This guy exposes the absurdity of sexist marketing by creating shirts that label men like we do women.

Recently, Upworthy shared a tweet thread by author A.R. Moxon who created a brilliant metaphor to help men understand the constant anxiety that potential sexual abuse causes women.

He did so by equating sexual assault to something that men have a deep-seeded fear of: being kicked in the testicles.




An anonymous man in England who goes by the Twitter handle @manwhohasitall has found a brilliantly simple way of illustrating how we condescend to women by speaking to men the same way.

ManWhoHasItAll also highlights society's ridiculous need to label the women who participate in male-dominated fields. We can't just say that Amy Schumer is a comedian. She has to be known as a "funny female" or a "female comic." No one ever feels the need to point out the fact that Chris Rock is male.

When we qualify women for their professions, whether in science and technology or entertainment, it diminishes their involvement and makes them appear instead to be a token of someone who has earned their position.

Comedian Jen Kirkman has a perfect response to the question: What's it like to be a female comedian?

"This question is the hardest part – it's yet again another opportunity for guys to say that I'm complaining or to retread the same old stories. There is sexism in the world so of course it bleeds into every single area of life. I don't answer this particular question anymore," she said.

"Getting put on pink flyers. Being asked to do shows that are marketed in such groundbreaking ways as 'Chicks Are Funny Too,' 'Broads, Beer, and Belly Laughs.' Being introduced as 'a lovely lady,'" she continued.

ManWhoHasItAll has found a brilliant way to spread his message by creating a collection of T-shirts that condescend to men by labeling them "Male Scientist," "Male Lawyer," and "Male Programmer."

These shirts highlight the idea that we can be more inclusive by accepting women in these positions without the need to use a gender qualifier.

Here are some of the shirts you can find at ManWhoHasItAll's website.

via ManWhoHasItAll

via ManWhoHasItAll

via ManWhoHasItAll

via ManWhoHasItAll

via ManWhoHasItAll

This article originally appeared on 7.22.19

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