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Pop Culture

Pete Davidson has the best pep talk for folks with mental illness and in relationships

Pete Davidson gets it — because he's lived it.

pete davidson, mental health, relationships
Saturday Night Live/Youtube

Pete Davidson on "Saturday Night Live"

Singer Ariana Grande and "Saturday Night Live" cast member Pete Davidson were dating back in May of 2018.

Neither star had confirmed the relationship outright, but their reps weren't pushing back on reports claiming the two had linked up either. The singer and comedian's playful interactions on Instagram certainly suggested to fans the romance was budding.

While many celebrated the news, it inevitably came with a side of backlash too. Some of the criticism, however, crossed an unfortunate line.

Trolls began pointing to Davidson's history of mental illness to suggest he couldn't be in a healthy relationship.

The comedian felt it necessary to shut that down. Fast.

"Normally, I wouldn't comment on something like this cause like, fuck you," Davidson wrote in a note he shared to his Instagram story. "But [I've] been hearing a lot of 'people with BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder] can't be in relationships' talk. I just wanna let you know that's not true."

Davidson said he was diagnosed with BPD in 2016 after having lived through a "nightmare" year that involved rehab and grappling with the ups and downs of diagnosis. The comedian has also spoken openly about living with depression.

"Just because someone has a mental illness does not mean they can't be happy and in a relationship," Davidson wrote. "It also doesn't mean that person makes the relationship toxic."

After noting there are many life-changing treatments available for people like him, Davidson emphasized the importance of combating stigmas associated with mental illness.

"I just think it's fucked up to stigmatize people as crazy and say that they are unable to do stuff that anyone can do," he wrote. "It's not their fault and it's the wrong way for people to look at things."

Davidson has been praised by mental health advocates for using his celebrity to humanize his illnesses — and poking fun at himself along the way.

In one "SNL" segment that aired shortly after he went public with his diagnoses, the comedian spoke candidly about his mental illness with "Weekend Update" host Colin Jost.

"If you're in the cast of a late-night comedy show, it might help if they, you know, do more of your comedy sketches," Davidson joked about ways others can help him get through his dark times. "I was born depressed, but it might make me feel better if I was on TV more."

Like many comedians, Davidson often uses brash and cringeworthy lines as a form of therapy to overcome trauma. His father died on 9/11, for instance, and the comedian's folded the devastating loss into his routine with a comedic spin.

Laughter may not be the best medicine, but it certainly can help.

Davidson ended his message on Instagram clarifying why he decided to speak up in the first place.

"I'm simply writing this because I want everyone out there who has an illness to know that it's not true [that you can't be mentally ill and be in a relationship] and that anyone who says that is ill and full of shit," he wrote. "Mental illness is not a joke; it's a real thing."

"For all those struggling I want you to know that I love you and I understand you and it is going to be OK," Davidson concluded. "That's all. Love to everyone else."


This story originally appeared on 05.25.18

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Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids.

The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase:

"When are you bringing them over?"

Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Democracy

Joe Biden's 23 greatest achievements as president of the United States

He’s made some big moves, many of which have gone unnoticed.

via The White House/Flickr

President Joe Biden delivers remarks at a Medal of Honor ceremony, on July 5, 2022.

Now that the 2024 election is over, we're near the end of Joe Biden’s presidency. He's statistically the least popular president in modern times, according to polling data. He had to drop out of the race because of his age and apparent mental fitness for office. And his chosen replacement lost in spectacular fashion to Donald Trump. But underneath all the bad news about Biden and his administration, is a record of historic accomplishments. Many of which may not come fully to light for years to come.

When Biden took office, the nation was in turmoil. The COVID-19 pandemic raged due to the previous administration’s inability to confront the issue. The 2020 focus on racial matters and policing, which included everything from inspiring Black Lives Matters rallies, to billion of dollars in private property damage through riots, left the nation motivated but confused about how to chart a course forward of racial and cultural healing.

The 2020 election only seemed to make maters worse. The country was in shock after the January 6 riot at the Capitol building, which put countless members of Congress's lives in danger and democracy in peril.

The nation desperately needed a new commitment to climate change after the previous administration rolled back climate protections. America was also on shaky ground economically after the pandemic brought unemployment to its highest rate since the Great Depression and businesses struggled to stay afloat amid lockdowns and labor shortages. The economic success of Trump's first three years in office seemed like a distant memory.

In response, Joe Biden promised steady, bi-partisan leadership at a time of intense political division.

Days after a shocking and surprising 2024 election, most of the focus is understandably on what went wrong. But history isn't made overnight or even with one election. So, let's take a step back and look at 23 of Joe Biden’s greatest accomplishments as president of the United States.

via The White House/Flickr

1. Passed the $1.2 trillion bipartisan infrastructure package to increase investment in the national network of bridges and roads, airports, public transport and national broadband internet, as well as waterways and energy systems.

2. Helped get more than 500 million life-saving COVID-19 vaccinations in the arms of Americans through the American Rescue Plan.

3. Stopped a 30-year streak of federal inaction on gun violence by signing the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act that created enhanced background checks, closed the “boyfriend” loophole and provided funds for youth mental health.

4. Made a $369 billion investment in climate change, the largest in American history, through the Inflation Reduction Act of 2022.

5. Ended the longest war in American history by pulling the troops out of Afghanistan.

6. Provided $10,000 to $20,000 in college debt relief to Americans with loans who make under $125,000 a year.

7. Cut child poverty in half through the American Rescue Plan.

8. Capped prescription drug prices at $2,000 per year for seniors on Medicare through the Inflation Reduction Act.

9. Passed the COVID-19 relief deal that provided payments of up to $1,400 to many struggling U.S. citizens while supporting renters and increasing unemployment benefits.

10. Achieved historically low unemployment rates after the pandemic caused them to skyrocket.

11. Imposed a 15% minimum corporate tax on some of the largest corporations in the country, ensuring that they pay their fair share, as part of the historic Inflation Reduction Act.

via The White House/Flickr

12. Recommitted America to the global fight against climate change by rejoining the Paris Agreement.

13. Strengthened the NATO alliance in support of Ukraine after the Russian invasion by endorsing the inclusion of world military powers Sweden and Finland.

14. Authorized the assassination of the Al Qaeda terrorist Ayman al-Zawahiri, who became head of the organization after the death of Osama bin Laden.

15. Gave Medicare the power to negotiate prescription drug prices through the Inflation Reduction Act while also reducing government health spending.

16. Held Vladimir Putin accountable for his invasion of Ukraine by imposing stiff economic sanctions.

17. Boosted the budget of the Internal Revenue Service by nearly $80 billion to reduce tax evasion and increase revenue.

18. Created more jobs in one year (6.6 million) than any other president in U.S. history.

The White House/Flickr

19. Reduced healthcare premiums under the Affordable Care Act by $800 a year as part of the American Rescue Plan.

20. Signed the PACT Act to address service members’ exposure to burn pits and other toxins.

21. Signed the CHIPS and Science Act to strengthen American manufacturing and innovation.

22. Reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act through 2027.

23. Halted all federal executions after the previous administration reinstated them after a 17-year freeze.


Most presidents are looked upon more favorably after their time in office has ended. Trump himself saw record approval numbers only after his first term ended. In the coming days, weeks and months most of the focus will be on Trump's second term and what lessons Democrats need to learn from their landslide defeat. But history will also start to turn to more honestly assess Joe Biden's time in office. And regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, there's a lot to be proud of for all Americans.


This article was originally published on 9.30.22. It has been updated and rewritten to reflect current events.

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Health

Conflict expert shares the 1 phrase you can use to stop an argument from happening

It'll make people agree with you, too.

via Canva/Photos

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

relationships
Pets

Watch this fish undergo a huge transformation after getting a little love and care

Talk about a glow up.

TikTok

Monstro is all of us.

This is Monstro, a telescope goldfish that captured hearts online. Before his rehabilitation, there was absolutely no gold to be seen—he looked like he was covered in soot. In a now-viral TikTok video, artist Lacey Scott shared that when she first met the 10-year-old fish at a pet store, he was “sick and dying." I mean, just take a peek at the screenshot below. Little guy looked like a charcoal brick. Definitely not the picture of health.


goldfish gets nursed back to life, animal tiktok, fish tiktokSad fishy. Very sad fishy. TikTok



Lesions had also formed on his underside from laying in the substrate (those little pebbles found at the bottom of a tank). The poor fellow couldn’t even swim anymore.

Scott decided to take Monstro home and see if she could nurse him back to health. Setting up a “shallow hospital tank” with aquarium salt and a daily water change seemed to have a positive effect. Monstro began eating again and swimming for short periods of time.

Eventually, he was put into a five gallon tank, and even got some new friends. At this point, his golden hue began to return. Not fully—he had a cool ombre thing happening. But still, obvious progress.

“He also got bigger….a lot bigger,” the onscreen text read. Continuing to grow is a common characteristic of goldfish—not just to fit their environment, by the way—and this was a clear indicator that Monstro was getting healthier by the day.

As Monstro’s condition improved, people became even more invested.

monstro fish tiktok, fishtok

Same, Courtney. Same

TikTok

The video ends with Monstro swimming and carefree, a golden boy once again.

@heretherebesculptures The one where you accidentally become a goldfish keeper. Meet Monstro 🖤 #rescue #inspirational #goldfish #rescuepet #fish #recovery ♬ Inspirational Piano - AShamaluevMusic

One person commented, “You’re telling me this goldfish was wearing all black cause he was SAD? I love him so much.” And actually, this statement is pretty accurate.

Fish can often be seen as the perfect low-maintenance pet. It’s not like Mr. Guppy expects daily walks, after all. Nor does he feel the need to scratch up the leather furniture. What could possibly go wrong?

But the truth is: Fish, like all pets, really do require at least some level of devoted care. Fish in general need a good tank size and water that is routinely cleaned, as well as a strict eating schedule. And unlike our furry friends, fish rarely offer warning signs before things go belly up … literally.

Goldfish in particular might need some extra TLC. They are a notoriously messy breed, and require a little daily help to keep things clean. A fish-keeping site called Aquariadise suggests a high-grade filtration system and a 30% water change on a weekly basis. Plus, being omnivores, they actually need variety in their diet. But not too much too quickly! Yes, it’s a lot. But when properly taken care of, these little guys can provide companionship for decades. Yes, decades.

@heretherebesculptures Reply to @crystalcelestecon he’s doing great 🥰 #monstrothegoldfish #rescueanimals ♬ Japanese-style dramatic piano song - スタジオ　Music Rabbit

It’s unclear whether or not Monstro has decades left. But Scott assured us that no matter how long he has left, “he’ll spend the rest of his days happy and loved.” And that’s what counts.


This article originally appeared on 5.30.22


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Music

Four cellists play Ravel's 'Bolero' on a single cello and it's one wild ride

The song's signature snare drum is nowhere to be seen, but WOW do they make it work.

Classic FM/Facebook

One cello, four cellists and an amazing musical feat.

Some compositions are so ubiquitous they are recognizable in their first few bars, even by people who are not music aficionados. French composer Maurice Ravel's "Bolero" is one of those pieces, known for its relentless snare drum beat throughout, as it gradually builds tension from a sweet, simple tune to a grand, flourishing climax.

Ravel wrote the piece for a friend, a Russian ballet dancer, while on holiday shortly before touring North America in 1928. According to Classic FM, the composer was about to go for a swim when he called a friend over to the piano and played a simple theme with one finger, saying, "Don’t you think that has an insistent quality? I’m going to try to repeat it a number of times without any development, gradually increasing the orchestra as best I can.”

That he did, with tremendous success—and with the sacrifice of the poor percussionist charged with repeating the same 24-beat note pattern throughout the piece, for a whopping total of 5,144 drum strokes on the snare drum. While different instruments are introduced as the piece progresses, creating a buildup of sound that eventually incorporates the full symphony orchestra, the lone snare drummer never gets a break. They play the same rhythm over and over and over, just gradually increasing in volume.

But what would "Bolero" be without the signature snare drum? Or the orchestral buildup? What if someone were to play "Bolero" on just one instrument? What if several someones played it on the same instrument? Would that even work?

Such experimentation with well-known pieces can be risky. But four cellists managed to pull off an incredible feat by performing "Bolero" together on a single cello. While it's not the full 15-minute piece, it's doggone impressive how rich and full the piece feels on just this one instrument. Watching the cellists physically coordinate the playing of it is sheer entertainment, beautifully executed—and the little bullfight shoutout to the Spanish theme is just delightful.

Enjoy this fun performance by the Wiener Cello Ensemble 5 +1, shared by Classic FM:

This article originally appeared on 4.27.22

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