People who’ve had their families upended by DNA websites reveal what happened.

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Ancestry

People who’ve had their families upended by DNA websites reveal what happened.

According to Divorce Statistics, 2% to 3% of all children are born out of infidelity and most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers.

These days, with the availability of so many DNA websites like 23andMe and Ancestry, a lot of people are discovering things that maybe they didn't really want.

A viral post on the askReddit forum asked how these new websites have affected families — "People whose families have been destroyed by 23andme and other DNA sequencing services, what went down?"

Here are the best responses to the question:

1. Finding family

“I’ve been searching for my father my whole life and through 23andme I just found a half-brother, finally answering the question. Our father is unfortunately passed, but we’re meeting in person in April.

A couple weeks after we found each other we were also contacted by another half-sister.”

2. Inconclusive

“My brother got our whole family 23andMe kits for Christmas last year. Everyone did the swab and got their results back which showed how we’re all related and yada yada yada, but my results came back inconclusive. 23andMe sent me a new kit to do it again and THAT one also came back inconclusive. So the company sent me an email basically saying I can never do it again probably because I’m using a bunch of resources with no results.

Anyway now my family says I don’t have any human DNA and that I must be a lizard. They make lizard sounds when I’m around and I am ashamed.”

3. What are the chances?

“Kind of the opposite. I found out I have an older sister, apparently my dad was being a little promiscuous lol. RIP old man. And she also shares my birthday, what are the chances?!”

4. He didn’t know

“I just got off the phone with my newly found bio dad. My mom died in 1980, my dad in 2012. I logged Friday in to AncestryDNA to get my results from their Black Friday sale. It said that this person in NC was my father, no doubt. Turns out it was my moms boyfriend before my dad came along. I have no idea if anyone knew. My newly found father certainly didn’t.”

5. Neanderthal

“I discovered that I have some of the highest known Neanderthal DNA, more than 99% users and over 4% of my total DNA. 3 tests submitted and a flight provided to a university in Australia for a testing. Was cool at first, and then not.

It bothered my wife a bit at first thanks to watching a couple documentaries.”

6. No one ever told them

“Not me, but one of my bar regulars did the test with her older sister. Turns out not only are they not related to each other, but both of them are adopted. And, their adoptive parents are both dead. And, their entire extended family knew the whole time but no one ever told them.”

7. Scandalous

“My 75-year-old grandmother just found out her dad was not her real dad. Turns out her mom had an affair with the family doctor and never told a single soul. Not only did she find out her family doctor was her real dad (the one who birthed not only her but also all of her own children) but turns out this family doctor was sleeping with a lot his patients.

She now has a bunch of new half sisters and brothers, some of them knew who their real dad was and some of them didn’t. My great grandmother was quite the secret keeper.”

8. White mystery

“My dad turned out not to be my dad. So the basic 23andMe family surprise I guess? Also found out that my heritage can best be described as white mystery.”

9. Pissed

“When my birth mom was pregnant with me she was too ashamed to admit who my father was. She was too young to be a mom and so she gave me to my current parents when I was born.(they were 10 years older than her and already had a kid) I love my parents and couldn’t care who my birth father was but I wanted to see what I was made of.

Everyone was pretty pissed when we found out my dad was my birth dad.”

10. At least three

“Not destroyed, it just confirmed what we already knew that there was more than one Father between 5 siblings. At least three as it turned out.”

11. Holier than thou

“Spouse found out his dad wasn’t his dad. His judgmental holier than thou Catholic mom had some explaining to do. He lost an immense amount of respect for her, especially when the bio dad tried to reach out to him. She is still in contact with the married man she had an affair with over 4 decades ago. He refuses to speak to him and has limited contact with her.”

12. Dreading the future

“My grandpa passed away from Alzheimer’s, so my family uploaded our raw DNA to another site to see if any of us have the same genes that make it likely for any of the rest of us to have it as well. Luckily most of us didn’t have the gene my grandpa had, but my uncles have it. So while my immediate family knows we’ve got average chances, my poor uncles are probably dreading the future.”

13. Oh, Papa

“Ours was backwards. A French lady messaged my mom and said she thought they shared a father. Very believable because Papa was a proven whore. Sure enough she did a 23andMe and sure enough papa is a great big slut. Rest in peace.”

14. I feel like this probably happens a lot

“I found out I’m not Irish after taking one….I have an Irish tattoo. My mom’s family always bragged about how Irish we were. My life obviously wasn’t destroyed but funny anyways.

It was over twenty years ago, I was 18 and stupid. The tattoo is a nautical compass with a Celtic knot in the middle on my shoulder.”

15. A happy ending

“My story has a rough beginning, but a happy ending. I apologize, this will be a bit lengthy.

I ordered 23andme to try to figure out 'what' I was, not to track down any long lost family members. I had known since I was a teenager that my dad who raised me wasn’t my biological father. I used to ask my mom if I was adopted because I don’t look like anyone in my family.

My mom is almost 100% Irish and my dad (who raised me, he is and always will be my dad) is also Caucasian and I look a bit ethnically ambiguous. Olive (but fair) skin, dark hair, and green eyes; no one else in my family looked like me. My mom finally told me the truth when i was 16.

When I got my report back, I was mostly European by my breakdown, I was still confused. I had several cousins show up, but contacting them didn’t interest me at all. One day I got a notification that I had new relatives and a half sister popped up. This caught me completely off guard and I didn’t know what to do…because I wanted to contact her.

For the first time ever, I wanted to know more. I messaged her, not telling anything about myself, just that if she’d like to know more about me, I would be open with all that I knew. I never got a reply, this kind of broke my heart if I’m being honest, but I accepted that she probably knew nothing of me and that the revelation of my existence may have hurt their family horribly.

A few months later a second cousin popped up and she was shown to be the first cousin of my 'half sister,' this confused me even more. Why was she my second cousin and my half sisters first cousin? She contacted me because she thought I may have answers for her, I told her that I had tried to contact my half sister but heard nothing and apologized for not being able to help her. (Her story is oddly similar to mine.) She also told me that she had communicated briefly with her first cousin, but after bringing me up, she cut off contact with her.

That made me feel horrible. But through our brief interaction, i realized that the three of us were connected through my 'half sisters' maternal blood line. I know my mom is my mom, there’s no question there, so I started thinking, how could this be?..then I realized that my “half sister” was actually my aunt, my biological father’s sister. Half-siblings, aunts and uncles, and grandparents all share 25% of their DNA, all the connections on these websites are based on probability.

I messaged her again and told her that I thought she may be my aunt and I told her more about myself…my birthdate and where I was conceived, and that if she had a brother who was in that area at that time, he was my biological father. She messaged me back in no time. It turns out that my paternal grandfather had passed away years ago and when she got the first message and saw the half sister connection, she assumed her father had a child that none of them knew about. I’m younger than her and her siblings, obviously, so I would have come along after them.

She didn’t contact me because she didn’t want to hurt her mother, and I’m sure she was hurt by this too. I understood, completely. She then went on to tell me that they all knew about me but didn’t want to disrupt my life. She said my biological father never forgot about me…I had always thought I was his dirty little secret. (He and my mother were both married to other people when I was conceived..that’s another long story.)

Anyways, my husband, children, and I have since met them all. I actually have three half siblings that also knew about me. It was so strange to finally meet people who I resemble. I’m a spitting image of my paternal grandmother when she was young, they were all blown away by that. We stay in contact and I couldn’t be happier that I bought the 23andme kit.”

A version of this article was originally published by our partners at Did You Know Facts and was written by Matt Gilligan.

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Research shows why you should always pet your dog before leaving the house

via Pixabay

One of the most wonderful things about having a dog is how attached they become to their owners. I work from home and my Jack Russel terrier, Scout, lies next to me on his bed for most of the day. The only time he leaves my office is for a sip of water or to go outside and sun his belly on the porch.

That's why whenever I leave the house and can't take Scout with me, I wonder, "Does he miss me? Is he sad that he's alone?" Studies show that our dogs miss us the moment we leave the house and that feeling slowly intensifies until we are gone for about four hours and they have a "plateau of melancholy." That's why the longer you're away, the more excited your dog is when you return home.

The moment I pull up in my car Scout begins to howl like a wolf trying to contact someone who's miles away. It's like, "Dude, I'm 30 feet away. Give me a second to grab the groceries out of the trunk."

Researchers from the Universities of Pisa and Perugia, Italy have found that if you give your dog some affection before you leave the house they'll have less anxiety while you're away.

They conducted experiments with 10 dogs between the ages of one and 11 without attachment issues. The group was composed of seven mixed-breed dogs, one Labrador retriever, one Hovawart, and one Chihuahua.

Participants in the study walked their leashed dogs into a fenced area where they were greeted by a researcher who took their dog's heart rate. In the first test, after the owners walked their dogs into the area, they talked with a researcher for one minute then left without giving the dog any special attention.

In the second test, the dog owners petted the dog during their interaction with the researcher.

In both tests, the owners left the fenced area and hid far enough away so that the dog couldn't smell them.

After the owners left, the dogs looked for them for about three minutes on average. After the owners returned, the researchers measured the dogs' levels of the stress hormone cortisol as well as their heart rates.

The researchers found that whether the dogs were petted or not, their cortisol levels were unchanged. But their heart rate showed a marked decrease if the owners petted them before leaving. Researchers later watched videos of the dogs and found that the ones that were petted showed " behaviors indicative of calmness for a longer period while waiting for the owner's return."

Next time I'm ready to leave the house and Scout follows me to the front door after saying, "Sorry bud, you can't go with me on this trip," I'll kneel down and give him a little extra love and attention.

Maybe that way he won't howl like the house is on fire when I pull up in my car after a trip to the grocery store.

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Health

25-year-old U.S. mom is shocked after receiving an astronomical bill from baby's NICU stay

For starters, the hospital charged it cost $4,337 every time they moved the baby's room.

via Canva/Photos

A woman looks at a massive medical bill.

Twenty-five-year-old Janice Hernandez, who goes by @JaniceHeartss on TikTok, has her hands and heart full after her baby, born in late October, was diagnosed with Prader-Willi syndrome (PWS). PWS is a rare genetic condition that leads to physical, mental, and behavioral problems. A key feature of Prader-Willi syndrome is a sense of always being hungry. It also results in poor muscle tone, distinct facial features, and a poor sucking reflex. It can also lead to behavioral problems down the line.

To make things worse for Hernandez, after her baby spent 7 weeks in the NICU, she received a bill in the mail, and it’s the cost of two to three houses in some parts of the United States. “I just got the bill for my daughter's NICU stay,” she said in a video with over 3.5 million views. "Do you guys wanna know how much it is? Do you wanna converse or have a conversation about the price? $738,360 freaking dollars. Almost a million dollars.”

That’s right, $738,360 freaking dollars.

@janiceheartss
Anyone actually pay their medical debt ooooorrrrrrrrr??? #nicumama #nicubaby #nicuwarrior

Hernandez then looked at the itemized bill and found she was charged astronomical amounts for everyday items and services. “For example, I noticed on the bill that there is a little tiny tube of Aquafor that they gave me that I actually still have $25. $25 for a tiny tube of Aquaphor that I thought the nurse was just giving me to be cute and give it for free. No, ma'am, they made sure to charge every single little thing,” Hernandez continued.

In a follow-up video, she shared that it cost $4,337 every time the staff switched her baby’s room. “Imagine if I didn't have insurance," she said according to Daily Mail, I'd have to pay all of this. 'Here in America, just to breathe costs money, and so, of course, when you step foot into a hospital, they start charging you automatically.”

How much money do Americans owe in medical debt?

Hernandez’s piece struck a chord with many Americans who have also received huge medical bills. A 2021 study found that Americans owe at least $220 billion in medical debt. Approximately 14 million people (6% of adults) owe at least $1,000, and 3 million (1% of adults) owe more than $10,000.

"Damn, how long was she in for? Our daughter was in the NICU for three weeks, and ours was $147k," Kristina asked in the comments. "My son died in the NICU after 4.5 months, and our bill was $6 million," Kaori added. "They charged me $2500 a night for the nursery that my baby never even went to. They also didn’t have a nursery," another user wrote.

Many people who live in developed countries where healthcare is free found the three-quarters-of-a-million-dollar bill astonishing. "In Saudi Arabia, all medical bills are covered by the government," one user wrote. "As a Canadian, I genuinely can not understand this," another added. "Genuine question from someone not located in the US: How on Earth do people pay these massive costs? What happens if you need medical care but have no insurance? Do you just not get treated?" Lola K asked.

media1.giphy.com

In another follow-up video, Hernandez shared that she got an update from her insurance company, and her daughter’s stay may not be fully covered. Insurance said it would pay $442,2918.75 of the $739,416.00 bill, leaving her owing $302,741.51. But she hopes that insurance will eventually kick in more. “They don't know if they're gonna be able to cover it yet,” Hernandez said. “It literally says pending or not payable. Charges that are either not covered or need more review by us.”

@janiceheartss
Replying to @Roman BIGGGG update! Guess it’s time for more waiting 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️#hospitalbill #insurance #nicu #hospital

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Pop Culture

Brit shares the one-word 'dead giveaway' that American actors are doing an English accent

There's one word they never get right.

via Warner Bros Discovery

Peter Dinklage on "Game of Thrones?

When it comes to actors doing accents across the pond, some Americans are known for their great British accents, such as Natalie Portman ("The Other Boleyn Girl"), Robert Downey, Jr. ("Sherlock Homes"), and Meryl Streep ("The Iron Lady").

Some have taken a lot of heat for their cartoonish or just plain weird-sounding British accents, Dick Van Dyke ("Mary Poppins"), Kevin Costner ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") and Keanu Reeves ("Bram Stoker's Dracula").

Some actors, such as Tom Hardy (“The Drop”) and Hugh Laurie (“House”), have American accents so good that people have no idea they are British.

Benedict Townsend, a London-based comedian and host of the “Scroll Deep” podcast, says there is one word that American actors playing characters with a British accent never get right. And no, it’s not the word “Schedule,” which British people pronounce the entire first 3 letters, and Americans boil down to 2. And it’s not “aluminum,” which British and American people seem to pronounce every stinking letter differently.

@benedicttown
The one word American actors aways get wrong when doing an English accent

What word do American actors always get wrong when they do British accents?

“There is one word that is a dead giveaway that an English character in a movie or a TV show is being played by an American. One word that always trips them up. And once you notice it, you can't stop noticing it,” Townsend says. “You would see this lot in ‘Game of Thrones’ and the word that would always trip them up was ‘daughter.’”

Townsend adds that when British people say “daughter,” they pronounce it like the word “door” or “door-tah.” Meanwhile, Americans, even when they are putting on a British accent, say it like “dah-ter.”

“So top tip if you are an actor trying to do an English accent, daughter like a door. Like you're opening a door,” Townsend says.

What word do British actors always get wrong when doing American accents?

Some American commenters returned the favor by sharing the word that British actors never get right when using American accents: “Anything.”

"I can always tell a Brit playing an American by the word anything. An American would say en-ee-thing. Brits say it ena-thing,” Dreaming_of_Gaea wrote. "The dead giveaway for English people playing Americans: ‘Anything.’ Brits always say ‘EH-nuh-thin,’” marliemagill added.

"I can always tell an actor is English playing an American when they say ‘anything.’ English people always say it like ‘enny-thin,’” mkmason wrote.

What is the cot-caught merger?

One commenter noted that the problem goes back to the cot-caught merger, when Americans in the western US and Canadians began to merge different sounds into one. People on the East Coast and in Britain pronounce them as different sounds.

“Depending on where you live, you might be thinking one of two things right now: Of course, ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound exactly the same! or There’s no way that ‘cot’ and ‘caught’ sound the same!” Laura McGrath writes at DoYouReadMe. “As a result, although the different spellings remain, the vowel sounds in the words cot/caught, nod/gnawed, stock/stalk are identical for some English speakers and not for others.”

American actors owe Townsend a debt of gratitude for pointing out the one thing that even the best can’t seem to get right. He should also give the commenters a tip of the cap for sharing the big word that British people have trouble with when doing an American accent. Now, if we could just get through to Ewan McGregor and tell him that even though he is fantastic in so many films, his American accent still needs a lot of work.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Modern Families

Seasoned grandma reveals 3 crucial rules all new grandparents must follow

"Can someone send this to my MIL please?"

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Conflict between parents and grandparents is hard to avoid. A lot of the time, it comes down to generational differences. When our parents were raising us, there weren't smartphones and there was no Disney+ or Netflix (well, at least not the streaming version). In general, kids had more freedom and less supervision in the 80s and 90s. Parenting styles like gentle parenting or conscious parenting weren't things people thought about as frequently. Again, there was no Instagram shoving it in your face over and over! In some cases, research and data gathered over time have shown us a better way, even though previous generations of parents were doing the best with the information they had.

So it's natural for grandparents to have, um, opinions about how their grandchildren are being raised at times. According to the AARP, most disagreements center on how children are disciplined, what they eat, and how much screen time they get. The sad thing is that when these conflicts become too common, or escalate too far, grandparents can start to miss out on time with their grandkids. There's got to be a way to avoid or mediate these conflicts before they get to that point.

One grandma just laid out her three simple rules for new grandparents who want better relationships with their kids and grandkids.

Giphy

Maria, who goes by MomMom Maria online, took to Instagram to offer the blunt advice for new or expecting grandmas — though they can definitely apply to any grandparent.

Rule number one. You are not the parent.

"That is crucial. You're not this child's parent," Maria says in a selfie-style video filmed in her car. "You're privileged to be a grandmother. You're not the mother."

It sounds obvious, but Maria's absolutely right about this one. The parents get to make the decisions on how their kids are raised, how they are disciplined, what they eat, what they can and can't watch on TV, and more. As a grandparent you're not the decision-maker and you're not the one who's ultimately responsible. You can have your own thoughts and opinions, but you don't really get a say. Harsh but true!

Rule number two: Respect the parents' boundaries.

"And guess what? You don't have to understand them," says Maria. "'I don't understand why she doesn't want us to kiss the baby!' You don't have to understand, respect their boundaries."

Conflict doesn't have to come from disagreements about parenting. Some parents butt heads with grandparents over their kids being spoiled and showered with gifts (and other junk that parents then have to find a place for in crowded houses). It can be tough for grandparents to understand or agree with a boundary like "Please don't buy them anything without asking me first," but Maria argues that grandparents must respect boundaries even if they don't understand or agree with them.

Number three, a corollary to rule number two: It's not about you.

"You're not a victim," Maria says. “You're not a pushover. You're just being respectful of their role as parents and realizing that your role is a grandmother. I love it."

Just because you're keeping critical thoughts and opinions and disagreements on how the children are being parented to yourself doesn't mean you're being weak. That's just being respectful of the parents' boundaries and decisions. It's a good thing that you're working to ensure a positive relationship with your children and grandchildren! That's an investment that will reap more and more dividends as the kids get older.

See on Instagram

Maria's tips united people from across the aisle — both parents and grandparents agreed the guidelines could make for better relationships.

Maria's video struck a cord with a huge audience of over 300,000 viewers on Instagram. Most were fully on board with the 'new rules.'

"Grandmother to a 7-month-old and two-week-old. Absolutely agree. And I remember how it was when I was a young mother and my MIL made unsolicited comments," one fellow grandma chimed in.

"And remember things have changed since you were a mom: swaddling, no blankets, back sleeping, etc. Just nod and say ok!" offered another user.

Another user mentioned that she'd had a similar conversation with their therapist, who said: "grandparents are used to being *the* parents in the room. They often times don’t know how to or otherwise refuse to fall into a secondary role.” ... "And that hit hard," the user added. "I think a lot of these grandparents are not understanding that they don’t get to parent our kids. They need to step back and let us parent. It’s time for them to relax and step into that secondary role."

Giphy

But not everyone agreed with Maria's advice. Some grandparents, in particular, resented the fact that they should feel privileged just to be involved in a child's life at all, or they lamented not feeling connected to the family when their wisdom and experience wasn't being valued.

"I had one child. He grew up , got married, and is now a dad. I have one grandson," one person commented. "They live on the other side of the country. I keep my mouth shut about EVERYTHING. I text to get permission to call or be lucky enough to FT. I don’t send my grandson ANYTHING , not even so much as a cookie, unless I get their permission first. I struggle to have any conversation with him or his wife because I am not a part of their life. I keep my mouth shut, offer no opinions on anything . It is very hard to be so disconnected from them and it hurts but there is nothing I can do about."

Another commenter was upset by feeling like they knew better, but not being able to voice it:

"This is so hard to do as a GP. I want all organic. . Parents do not care. I want no sugar. They give lots of sugar . I want no screen time . Parents do lots of screen time . I want no cell phone scrolling. Parents scrolll constantly in front of baby. I’m trying so hard to not say anything."

Parents aren't "always right" when it comes to these conflicts, for the record. Ideally, there would be open and honest communication, and a relationship where grandparents' experience and wisdom was valued and taken into consideration, while also allowing space and boundaries for the parents to make the final decisions. Of course, communication is hard. It takes a lot of work and it requires multiple different parties to manage their emotions and egos. Learning to communicate about boundaries, rules, and differences in philosophy takes time — but Maria's three rules are a pretty good starting point for new grandparents who want to get off on the right foot.

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Pets

The biggest fan of Kendrick Lamar's halftime show is a cockatoo, and he is rocking out

Even if you couldn't care less about this Lamar & Drake beef, this is so fun to watch.

NFL/Youtube, @banditthecockatoo/TikTok

Bandit is a Lamar fan through and through.

While there were certainly many folks at home bopping along to Kendrick Lamar’s epic halftime show, no one did it quite like an internet famous white cockatoo named Bandit—who seriously needs to be hired as one of Lamar’s back-up dancers post haste.

In the video below, we get to see the entire journey Bandit takes while listening to the performance— curiosity, intrigue, trying to find the beat, feather-raised excitement as he attempts his own dance moves, followed by full on hand banging, the works!

One thing is abundantly clear. In this infamous feud between Lamar and Drake, Bandit is definitely “Team Lamar.” Watch:

Of course, this spurred a lot of fun comments from viewers, especially folks referencing said feud.

“Even animals are feeling this diss track,” one person wrote, while another said “He’s feeling the power of KDot!” referencing one of Lamar’s earlier stage names.

Another commented, “I was waiting for him to yell MUSSSSSSTARRRRD!” which Lamar himself yelled in the song "TV Off" as a nod to Mustard, his co-producer, which also became a rather famous internet meme.

While Bandit had no actuarial awareness of the diss lyrics Lamar was spitting out, he, like many avians in the parrot family, was responding to the rhythm and beat of the music. Much about how and why these birds react to music remains a bit of a mystery, but they do seem to have their individual preferences. While Bandit clearly enjoys hip hop and rap, another might prefer classical music. One funny thing to note however—it’s been said that on the whole, parrots aren’t electronica fans. So no raves for them.

Of course, cockatoos and parrots can have eclectic tastes too! As we can see below, Bandit also has a soft spot for Billy Idol.

@banditthecockatoo Bandit discovers @Billy Idol (Running with the Ghost Live at the Stateline at Hoover Dam - which is literally just down the road from our house) #BanditTheCockatoo #billyidol #stevestevens #hooverdam #stateline #concert #parrotsoftiktok #talkingparrot #cockatoo #umbrellacockatoosoftiktok #umbrellacockatoo #talkingbird #parrot #attitude #personality #bird #birb ##birdsoftiktok #birbtiktok #birbturd #birbtok #birdsofinsta #cockatoosofinstagram #parrotsofinstagram #tiktokfamous #singing #singingparrot #singingbird #dancing #dancingbird #dancingparrot ♬ original sound - BanditTheCockatoo

This charming bird has been a TikTok star for years now, entering his 300K followers with dance moves, food antics, and his own beef with “mean ol’ dad,” who has the audacity to touch his stuff. But Upworthy has encountered other cheeky cockatoos before, including one that maniacally chased its family around the house and a feathered anarchist who made headlines after uprooting anti-bird spikes.

All of these stories make sense, considering the cockatoos general penchant for attention seeking, which can lead to erratic and destructive behavior when ignored. But, as we can see, they are also incredibly intelligent, playful, and loyal to boot, making them excellent pets…as well as entertaining content creators, apparently. So bird parents, keep those video comin’.

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