Rule: The cat must not be disturbed.
In our house, we have a rule called "I Have a Cat." If one of our two cats is sitting in your lap, you are automatically exempt from having to do anything. Everyone else in the house has to serve you until the cat decides to vacate.
This rule isn't written anywhere, and we never actively decided it was a rule, it just became one because no one would dare to disturb Princess Nala when she's comfy and cuddly.
We're apparently not the only family with such a rule. Most families have unwritten household rules that others might see as strange when "enforced," which is why when someone on Reddit asked, "What’s an unwritten rule in your household that would seem bizarre to outsiders?" people delivered with some delightful, hilarious and sometimes even helpful examples.
Here are some of the best:
The 'loud noise' and 'I’m ok' rules
If you know you’re going to make a loud noise, say dropping a heavy bag down the stairs you had to yell 'loud noise' to warn everyone that the noise was coming and planned
If you made a loud noise unplanned you had to yell 'I’m OK' so no one came running or did come running I’d you were NOT ok. Side note this rule was created when grandpa dropped a toilet on his finger."
"Any loud noise coming from the shower/bathtub must quickly be followed by an audible 'oh sh_t'/'dammit'/'heck!' and change to the shower spray sound, proving movement.
Failure to acknowledge will result in a 'you good in there?' from the outside party."
Rules for getting out of doing dishes
"This is at my mom's place: If you are wearing long sleeve shirts you are exempt from doing the dishes."
"We just had a rule that once the dishwasher (one of us kids - the actual dishwasher was used as storage for go cups since mom was convinced they were shitty at cleaning dishes) was done with all the dishes that had been cleared from the table and shut the water off, any additional dishes were not their responsibility. This led to the designated dishwasher racing through doing the dishes and slower eaters racing to finish their food. “Haha sucker - the water’s off!” was commonly heard growing up."
"When we don’t feel like cleaning the kitchen entirely after dinner or we leave junk in the living room, whatever the case may be, we’re obligated to declare 'who closed last night!?' And then we blame it on the baby."
The empty paper towel roll goes to the doggo—appropriately announced
"When you use the last paper towel from the roll you have to take the cardboard tube and yell 'do-ta-do' in it and then give it to the dog when he comes running so he can shred it!"
"We call these cardboard bones and they also require some sort of announcement through it before giving it to the dog."
"Growing up we'd blow into it like trying to blow a trumpet because it made the dog go apeshit. Then you 'beat' the dog with it along her back which gets her more excited, then you give it to her for destruction."
Gotta pay the dog tax.Photo by Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels
Dog taxes must be paid
"If you get ice from the freezer for whatever reason, you must pay the ice tax to the dogs."
"We have to pay the ice tax AND cheese tax. Brutal."
"It's the peanut butter tax and the cheese tax in my house. My dog is so psyched for the cheese tax that she comes running from pretty much anywhere in the house if she hears something that sounds like crinkling plastic in the fridge."
"We have ice tax, cheese tax, popcorn tax, bell pepper tax. These pups are ruthless!"
Meow back, always
"If a cat meows at you, you meow back. It's impolite not to answer."
"I have full on conversations with my friends cat and you can tell by the tones he uses he is actually speaking to you lol it's hilarious and I never get tired of it. I usually just keep meowing back and forth until I can tell he's had enough chit chat 😆"
"This is the only way to get my cat to stop meowing at me. If I ignore him he'll keep going. If I get up to see what he wants, he just looks at me. If I meow back a few times, he comes into the room I'm in and chills with me."
If I have to come find it for you when I just told you exactly where it is…
"If you tell me you can’t find something after I’ve told you EXACTLY WHERE IT IS, and I walk over there and find it EXACTLY WHERE I TOLD YOU IT WAS, I get to hit you with it."
"This is also a rule in my house, which led to this exchange -
'Mom, I need help finding something!'
'Okay, but if I find it right away, I get to hit you with it!'
'NEVERMIND I'LL FIND THE SCISSORS MYSELF.'"
"I started charging my kids $5 finder's fee each time."
Winner cleans up!Photo by Pixabay/Pexels
Game winner does the cleans up
"Winner of a board game is charged with putting said game away."
"My family did this too! It's a great way to minimize competition drama because the winner gets to gloat about winning while tidying up and the rest get to gloat about not having to tidy up."
"This is so much better than the tradition my siblings and I got into of actively making messes while singing 'Loser picks it up!'
We grew up into civilized people, but this rule would have set us on the path sooner."
"The real competition would be making it clear you COULD win, but instead forced the cleanup on someone else."
You complain or give unsolicited advice, the job's yours
"If someone is voluntarily doing a chore, no one shall tell them how to do it differently unless damage is going to be incurred. If unsolicited advice is given without the intent to actively roll up sleeves and help, the task then belongs to the giver of the unsolicited advice."
"If more people tried to adopt even a fraction of this mind set then so many households would be so much happier. Yes weaponized incompetence is a thing and messed up when people do it but many times it's just priorities and preferences are different. My spouse folds the towels differently than I do. In our case it doesn't impact anything. So why would I get on their case about something so benign and add stress for no reason."
The Cat Lap Rule is universal, it seems.Photo by Andrew Kota/Pexels
Sorry, can't. I have a cat.
"If you have a cat on your lap and want something from the kitchen someone else has to get it for you. Cat must not be disturbed."
"I'd add we had as many as 7 cats at a time growing up so often everyone had a cat on their lap so the youngest cat would be the one chosen to be moved. Senior cats had great privilege."
"We call this 'Cat Rule' and over the years it has sub rules. For example, one cannot invoke Cat Rule more than three times in one lap sitting 😂"
"We call it being 'cat-atonic.'"
"We call that 'the prime directive'-- a sleeping cat must not be disturbed."
"We call that, 'the sacred law' 😂 Our cat is only affectionate on her terms so if she’s cuddling us, it’s a very special moment."
"We call this feline paralysis, love seeing everyone else’s names for this rule!"
And these extras, just for funsies…
"Bandit, our aged Great Dane, gets the cushion on the far right of the orange couch. No exceptions, no asking him to move, that’s his spot."
"Sometimes, my cat will carry a ball toy into the room and meow loudly. As soon as she drops the ball, every human in the house must clap and go 'Yaaayy!!' It is law."
"If you are going to use the kitchen tongs you must perform an OSHA approved test click to ensure that they are functional."
"In our household, the unwritten rule is that you must perform a full interpretive dance routine to earn the right to use the TV remote. It keeps the peace and provides nightly entertainment."
"You have to choose the topic of your fortune cookie before you read it. "this is about my new job" many a big life decision has been made this way.
Inside spiders are named Franklin. Outside spiders are named Fronklin. They are all good boys."
