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People are loving this former U.K. leader's apology for opposing gay marriage.

A few years ago, Sir John Randall, a former member of the British parliament, made a mistake.

Randall, the Conservative Party’s deputy chief whip at the time, was opposed to same-sex marriage when the issue came to a parliamentary vote in 2013.

Photo by Peter Byrne/PA Wire.

The measure eventually passed later that year and went into effect in 2014, making same-sex marriage legal in the U.K. but without support from leaders like Randall.

At the time, plenty of voters in the U.K. weren't happy with Randall's anti-equality stance.

Four years later and two years into his retirement, however, Randall wants to make one thing clear to his constituents: He was wrong.

In a surprisingly candid statement provided to BuzzFeed News, Randall opened up about regretting his opposition to marriage equality.

"There are not many things that I regret about my time as an MP, but almost as soon as I voted against same-sex marriage, I knew I had made a mistake," he explained.

Randall did note that his support was not crucial, seeing as the legislation overwhelmingly passed, but still — refusing to support the legislation "was not courageous," he admitted.  

Photo by Leon Neal/AFP/Getty Images.

Randall went on to explain:

"I think I was just not ready for this step, conflicted between many of my age group and those of the younger generation whose views I wanted to understand. Ultimately I think I knew that I was going to be on the wrong side, as those who wanted me to vote for [the legislation] were some of the nicest people I came across, something that couldn’t be said about those opposing."

"So three years on I can honestly say I was wrong and I am sorry not to have been able to see it at the time," he concluded.

Randall's shifting attitudes on same-sex marriage reflects a larger, pro-equality trend in the West — maybe most notably among older voters.

In the U.S., marriage equality — once a bitterly divisive election issue — has found widespread support. In May 2016, 61% of Americans — including, for the first time, a majority of seniors over age 65 — supported marriage equality, according to Gallup. Just 37% opposed.

The U.K. has experienced a similar shift in attitude.

Photo by David McNew/Getty Images.

Randall's sincere apology is resonating with people especially because in it, he takes full responsibility for his past attitudes and actions.

His evolving change of heart is one that people on both sides of the pond — particularly from older generations — can relate to.

"With hindsight I wish I had spoken to a very good friend and colleague before the vote," Randall explained. "He might easily have been expected to oppose the move to same-sex marriage, but he said to me that it was something that wouldn’t affect him at all but would give great happiness to many people. That is an argument that I find it difficult to find fault with."

Community

Hunger in affluent communities: How a Silicon Valley food bank is fighting food insecurity

We can all help fight hunger nationwide with one simple shift in the way we grocery shop.

Photo credit: Canva

Food insecurity is an issue in communities across the United States.

When people hear “Silicon Valley,” hunger isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind. Instead, most think “global tech hub” and “wealth.” Named after the silicon used in computer chips, this renowned region is home to nearly 3 million residents and is famous for offering some of the highest salaries in the United States.

Given Silicon Valley’s association with wealth, it’s easy to overlook that not everyone living there is affluent. The high cost of living in the area makes it challenging for those without high-paying jobs to make ends meet. Many residents, including those who work full-time, struggle with basic living expenses.

That’s why Second Harvest of Silicon Valley helps provide food to more than 500,000 people across Santa Clara and San Mateo counties. The COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent inflation have prevented many families from getting ahead, making the food bank’s role crucial in providing access to nutritious food.

However, the high cost of living in Silicon Valley is also affecting Second Harvest. Despite the evident need in the community, the food bank had to close its largest warehouse in June 2024 due to rising rent costs.

donationsVolunteers help sort food bank donations.Photo credit: Canva

"Every single week, we receive more than 85 tractor-trailer loads of food. All of that food gets handled at our warehouses and goes back into the community," Second Harvest of Silicon Valley CEO Leslie Bacho told NBC. "Unfortunately, this is our largest facility that we are closing, so we're having to just figure out how we can have that work get done other places."

To help maintain the flow of food, the Albertsons Companies Foundation Nourishing Neighbors Program and O Organics gave Second Harvest of Silicon Valley a $200,000 grant. And they weren’t the only organization to receive funding. Thirty nonprofits received a total of $30,000 in grants during the O Organics $30K in 30 days campaign this past summer to help ease food insecurity. Hunger is an ongoing issue that requires continuous funding, and initiatives like these help ensure that food reaches those in need.

How can we all help make sure people get the food they need?

There are so many worthy organizations that need support to fight hunger, and there are numerous ways to help, from making direct donations and organizing food drives to volunteering. Enhancing these efforts, O Organics provides an easy way for everyone to contribute consistently by simply changing how we grocery shop.

Every time you choose an O Organics product, you not only provide nutritious food for your own family but also help someone facing food insecurity. Through the “Fight Hunger. Serve Hope” program, O Organics has contributed nearly $14 million over the past two years to reduce food insecurity, enabling 56M meals and counting to help fight hunger in local communities.

O Organics helps fight food insecurity.images.albertsons-media.com

Doesn’t organic food cost more than non-organic?

People often assume that organic food is more expensive, but that’s not always true. Many organic products cost the same or even lower than their non-organic equivalents, especially when comparing private label brands like O Organics to national products.

O Organics has products in every aisle of the store, making it easier than ever to find organic products that suit your family’s needs. Purchasing O Organics products also helps support organic agriculture. Small changes that benefit both the planet and its people can add up, and simply choosing one product instead of another can make a significant difference.

No matter where people face food insecurity, whether in Silicon Valley or communities across the U.S., we can all find ways to help. Learn more about how O Organics is helping fight hunger here and look for the O Organics brand at your local Albertsons Companies grocery store, including Albertsons, Safeway, Vons, ACME, Shaw’s, Jewel-Osco and Tom Thumb.
Education

Salesman shares the 2 phrases that will make salespeople leave you alone when shopping

"I'm just looking," doesn't work.

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A salesman selling a car to a skeptical woman.

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.”

TikTok's @RussFlipsWhips is a car salesman who went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with over 345,000 views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “Secondly, every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."


Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?" or “I’m really not in the market for a car.”


@russflipswhips

Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who may not qualify for a loan. “The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked. “I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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Family

Parents are sharing the 'wrong' ideas they had about parenting before they had actual kids

Reality is so humbling.

Photo credit: Canva

Kids will surprise you in ways you never imagined.

Before having kids, we tend to form opinions about what we would and wouldn't do with our children. Phrases like "I will never" and "My kids will never" roll off the tongue so easily when there are no living, breathing human children involved, and we naturally imagine that our stellar parenting skills will prevent most or all of the issues that we see other parents dealing with.

Then we have kids and learn that the reality of parenting is quite different than our imaginations.

Parenting is humbling. Your kid may share your genes and have some of your features, but they are their own person with their own personality quirks, and you can't predict what your kid is actually going to be like beforehand. They also have free will, which makes most of our imagined parenting scenarios laughable post-kids.

In response to a prompt from X user @CartoonsHateHer, parents are sharing things they thought about parenting before they had kids that turned out to be completely wrong, and their responses are so relatable.

The nature vs. nurture question gets answered pretty quickly

"I way overestimated how much effect I or anybody else would have on them. Basically I thought it was 50/50 nature vs. nurture but now I'm convinced it's 90% nature & I'm just here to make sure I don't f up the the remaining 10%."

"I thought badly behaved kids were just a consequence of bad or lazy parenting. Some kids are really just more mischievous/loud/unsettled/antagonistic than others because of their personality and development. Like an aspect of it is just innate."

"Didn't have many parenting opinions before kids. But I think now that I have 3, my main parenting revelation is that each kid really does come out different and that a lot of what parents think is nurture is just nature."

"I thought that you had some input in how they turned out. From the start, they are their own person and they just show you who they are. You show them how the world works and try to help them figure out how they fit in it. But they are completely themselves when they arrive."

Overestimating what you'll be able to do

"Thought I could just work basically full time from home with a baby sleeping peacefully in a basket next to me. Lmao."

"I was like 'why are my friends with a baby scheduling outings around her naps? can't you just live your life and take the baby with you?' And the answer is NOT NECESSARILY! I mean it depends on the baby."

"I'll write a novel while the baby sleeps!"

"'I’m not gonna abandon my fitness centered lifestyle! I’m gonna be one of those pregnant women lifting heavy! I’m gonna take my baby on hikes during mat leave!' HAHAHAHAH good one, past self."

"I didn't anticipate the constant hell of keeping up with their laundry. Not something I was 'wrong' about, but something I was completely unprepared for."

"I would have so much downtime, I could sit in the room while she played and I could like read or crochet. JOKES ON ME."

Feeding them is more complicated than you'd think

"I’d be able to prevent my kids from becoming picky eaters. What a joke!"

"I used to believe if I cooked only 100% nutritious foods and didn’t allow them to eat processed foods I would create healthy, not-picky eaters. I ended up in tears frequently and my picky eater became an unleashed gremlin at birthday parties with delicious goldfish crackers."

"I used to think you could train kids not to be picky eaters. Then I had a kid with allergies, an autoimmune condition, and a lil neurodiversity. I was wrong. Still, she is trying to be food adventurous as a young adult, so maybe it worked in the loooong run."

"That breastfeeding was a natural, effortless process that would just work itself out, and that genuinely insufficient milk supply was rare/unlikely."

"Insufficient milk supply, poor latch, swallowing problems, tongue ties. It's a minefield of potential issues!"

So many judgments thrown out the window

"Thought parents who used harnesses on their kids were lazy. I don’t personally use them but kids can run off very quickly."

"I won't show them screens in restaurants to keep them quiet." Hah. Whatever."

"I thought I was going to be relaxed about a lot of stuff I'm not actually relaxed about."

"That I would indefinitely indulge their curiosity. It turns out that kids use questions to stall and procrastinate, and if you want to get anything else done, you eventually need to shut it down. 'No' is a complete sentence. 'Because I said so' is frequently valid!"

"I believed parents of the kids having tantrums didn't care about their child's behavior or how other people perceived what was happening. Now I silently cheer whenever I see parents refuse to give in, and just let the kid realize tantrums don't get you what you want in life."

"I thought that I was never going to give my kid an iPad, and that I'd have him toilet trained by 1 year old. Also remember telling my wife in an extremely smug voice that we shouldn't allow plastic toys in the house. What a prick."

"I looked at disgust at the house of young parents and believed mine would NEVER get that bad. And that I would never let my kids snack in the car."

"I’d see people barking at their kids in public and wonder, 'is it really so hard to be patient and speak kindly?' Reader, I have news."

On the positive side, some had wrong assumptions the other way

"This may be against the general tone of the answers, but I became a parent so young that I don't think I had time to develop a lot of self-righteous beliefs. I think my biggest wrong beliefs were that it was going to be harder and that I was going to be worse at it than I was."

"Honestly everyone told me you couldn't do anything or have any fun ever again if you had kids, which is not true (and not just because the baby is fun)"

"I thought I wouldn't have fun anymore. Turns out my life is more fun now."

"Maybe not what you're looking for but...I thought I would really miss the ability to go out and party any time I wanted. But I don't. In fact I feel like I spent too much time doing that and should have had a kid sooner."

Every parent's experience is different, of course, but one thing's for sure—having kids will surprise you in ways you never imagined.

parenting
Family

Mom explains the common Boomer parenting style that still affects many adults today

Many are relieved to finally have a term for this experience.

Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this.

This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood for the sake of saving face.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”


@parkrosepermaculture Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact ♬ original sound - Parkrose Permaculture


“Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.


This article originally appeared on 7.16.24

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Women's Health

Guy shares important PSA for young women after losing sister to cervical cancer

Don’t stop until someone listens to you.

Photo credit: Canva

Guy shares PSA for woman after losing sister to cervical cancer

Cervical cancer is something that can go undetected if you're not in a position to get regular gynecological appointments. But with the new guidelines, allow for greater leeway between screenings for abnormal cervical cells. In America, the age to begin receiving pap smears, which is the test that can detect abnormal cells in the cervix, increased to age 21 and in the UK it's not given until 25.

Though, this test can detect the cells much earlier and before symptoms start, the distance between testing has been increased to every 3-5 years instead of yearly. The decrease was backed by scientific evidence showing there wasn't an increase in detection of abnormal cells by doing the test more frequently. Ethan, a man who lost his sister in 2022 to cervical cancer partly blames the delay in testing with her untimely death.

The grieving man took to TikTok to share a PSA on how important it is for women and people born with female anatomy to get their pap smears, sharing the cautionary tale of his deceased sister.

"Have you got a vagina and don't want to die? Cause if that's the case please watch this video," Ethan starts out saying. "So I'm going to tell the story of how my sister passed away and the one thing that I want anyone to take away from her death and she would want anyone to take away from hear death is to look after your health."

a woman sitting at a table with a model of a stomach Photo by Elen Sher on Unsplash

He explains that in 2021 his sister started having a lot of large blood clots "the size of a size 10 foot" that she kept going back to the doctor for but was consistently dismissed. Ethan shares that his sister began going to the hospital weekly due to the amount of pain she was in and she continued to be dismissed for months before she was referred to the gynecologist. According to the woman's brother, the process to look to see what was going on was so painful that the gynecologist refused to continue with the appointment.

"He said 'oh, I'm not doing this because you're in too much pain,' rather than actually investigating the reason why. Because she had a f***ing tumor inside her vagina that was the size of my fist. How the man missed that is beyond me. If he found that she'd probably f***ing still be alive cause she was neglected so bad throughout the whole route of this process."

baby i'm sorry GIF by truTV’s I’m SorryGiphy

Ethan reveals that she started having symptoms in October of 2021 but it wasn't until February of 2022 that she was diagnosed after months of trying to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, the cancer had already spread to her lungs, liver and stomach and died at the age of 31, March 2022.

"If you know something's wrong with you, only you know what's going on with your body so make sure you push harder. If you know that there's something wrong with you, you need to kick and scream and shout until you get what you f***ing want," he says as he shares what he hopes the main takeaway from his message will be.

Happy New Year Feminist GIF by All BetterGiphy

"Cervical cancer is so common so make sure you get your smears done because if you don't get your smears done and you've got those cells...if you've got the beginning of those cells you can just get it burned away. My mom's had it done a thousand times. My auntie's had it done. But if you leave leave them then that can lay undetected in your body for years until it's too late. Cervical cancer is a massive problem."

Ethan shares his frustration that the UK doesn't do pap smears until the age of 25 when it's the STI human papillomavirus (HPV) that causes many of the instances of cervical cancer. He's hoping that telling his sister's story will encourage people to not only get pap smears even if they have to pay for them out of pocket, but to advocate for themselves fiercely.


@eefybeefy1 Replying to @Emma Parkinson the best ones always die first ❤️ #grief #fyp #foryou #cancer #storytime ♬ original sound - Ethan

People in the comments are thankful he's speaking up while others are sharing their own stories of loss from delay in screenings along with not being believed.

"my daughter died aged 23 from cervical cancer. basically the same story as yours. neglected for 2 year, then by the time they diagnosed her she had i month to live," one mom shares.

"My friend passed away age 30 of cervical cancer, they need to lower the age of smears" another grieving person writes.

"As a GP nurse conducting smears everyday I’m SO proud of you for advocating for women, and your sister like this! It’s not a scary process to do, it’s over and done with in less than a minute and I absolutely don’t care if your legs are hairy," a nurse chimes in.

"Sadly women are often not believed when it comes to their pain. Keep educating people Ethan, your sis would be so proud of you," someone else shares.

Several women in the comments share that his video has caused them to schedule appointments for their pap smears after being overdue or afraid of going. So while his delivery may have included a few instances of adult language, his message seems to be heard clearly by those who are needing to hear it. Telling his sister's story may just save a few lives.

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Family

Girl dad breaks down why protecting daughters by intimidating their boyfriends needs to end

He perfectly explains why it's more important for dads to create a sense of "safety."

@professorneil/TikTok

Fear does not mean respect.

It’s understandable that fathers want to protect their daughters. But many parents today are calling out the age-old patriarchal approach of instilling fear and intimidation to do so. Even girl dads themselves.

Recently, English Professor (and father of a teen girl) Neil Shyminsky, broke down exactly what is so problematic about this trope in a stitched TikTok.

In the original clip, a father talks about meeting his 13-year-old daughter’s first boyfriend.

“I knew this was coming, but I don’t know if I’m ready for it,” the dad says, adding that he did find the boy very respectful. Both of which Shyminsky could get behind…except maybe the “insistence” that the boy address him with his last name.

But things really take a turn when the man says, “as a girl dad, it’s definitely hard knowing that the little baby you once held in your arms all of a sudden has got a boyfriend that’s starting to take your place.”

“What now? I’m truly trying to figure out how he could ‘replace’ you…but all the answers I could come up with are deeply uncomfortable,” Shyminsky says. And we’ll just leave it at that.

The dad goes onto share the “good news” that his daughter told him her boyfriend (i.e. a child) said he was “absolutely terrified” of him because of his physical build. And then the whole thing devolves into a weird message touting the importance of lifting weights, so that you won't need guns to intimidate young boys, and instead do it with hard-earned muscle.

This is where Shyminsky drops a few truth bombs.


@professorneil When they say ‘protect’, they mean ‘terrify’. #toxicmasculinity #masculinity #girldad #parenting ♬ original sound - Professor Neil


“You want a 13-year-old to be terrified of you? ... He is 13. And so any adult man would probably seem huge,” he begins, adding that while he too is generally larger than the people around him, he prefers to measure success in terms of who feels safe in his presence, versus “how many small children I terrify.”

Shyminsky goes on to say that while he wants the dating world to be as safe as possible for his daughter, prioritizing physical intimidation is the wrong way to accomplish that.

For one thing, if this young boy only respects this man’s daughter out of fear of being hurt by her father, then he “is not anyone that we want getting anywhere near our daughters” in the first place, Shyminsky points out.

And on that note, Shyminsky asks “If he’s supposed to respect and listen to you because your muscles are larger than his, how is your daughter supposed to treat him when his are in all likelihood larger than hers?”

Said that bluntly, it’s easy to see how this strategy, however well intentioned, is a form of “toxic masculinity” that, as Shyminsky put it, causes suffering to those on “the wrong end” of it. Even those who are meant to be protected by it.

Down in the comments, folks were entirely on board with Shyminsky’s hot take.

‘Fear is not respect,” one person wrote.

Another quipped, “I feel like people get their parenting techniques from 90s sitcoms.”

Parents want to protect their kids from all the many dangers of the world. But at the same time, it’s so important for kids to see firsthand how the important adults in their life lead with something other than fear, if we hope for them to do the same. This is a great example of how a mindset shift can help with that.

Shyminsky actually has an entire TikTok treasure trove of videos dissecting our ever evolving views on manhood. Including a great one breaking down how masculinity as it "should be" has been in question since 400 BCE.


@professorneil Men are never as masculine as they once were - and never have been #men #manhood #masculinity #toxicmasculinity #fragilemasculinity #greenscreenvideo #greenscreen ♬ original sound - Professor Neil

Or this one delving into misandry vs misogyny:


@professorneil #stitch with @jaystakes It’s not misandry, it’s misogyny #misogyny #misandry #sexism #feminism #feminismisforeveryone ♬ original sound - Professor Neil

You can find these, and more, on his TikTok.

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