Family
A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best
Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.
09.03.24
When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.
Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.
Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.
"I will be your friend."
Ouch. My heart.
Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:
"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"
Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.
"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"
Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.
She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.
"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"
Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.
Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.
This article originally appeared on 8.2.19
Education
Woman without an internal monologue explains what it's like inside her head
“She's broken my mind. I don't even understand what I'm not understanding."
09.05.24
PA Struggles/Youtube
An estimated 50-70% of the population doesn't have an internal monologue.
The notion of living without an internal monologue is a fairly new one. Until psychologist Russell Hurlburt’s studies started coming out in the late 90s, it was widely accepted that everyone had a little voice narrating in their head. Now Hurlburt, who has been studying people's "inner experience" for 40 years, estimates that only 30-50% of the population frequently think this way.
So what about the other 50-70%? What exactly goes on inside their heads from day to day?
In a video interview originally posted in 2020, a woman named Kirsten Carlson gave some insight into this question, sharing how not having an inner dialogue affected her reading and writing, her interactions with others and how she navigates mental challenges like anxiety and depression. It was eye-opening and mind-blowing.Reading isn’t a particularly enjoyable activity, Carlson admitted, explaining that rather than seeing images of characters and landscapes, she only sees words.
“In my head, every sentence has a shape so you can see the shape of a sentence. Keywords will pop out and I can file those away into my concept map, so at the end of reading something I can have a concept map of the main topics that I read about. It's not images, it's just the words."
That said, she is apparently a “very fast” reader.
This concept alone was hard for viewers to grasp. As one person wrote, “She's broken my mind. I don't even understand what I'm not understanding. I've never visualized a sentence in my life.”While she “never daydreams," Carlson does dream at night. However, she doesn’t recall any dialogue in those dreams. Carlson also shared that her alone time is always spent doing stuff like cleaning, cooking, watching Netflix and studying. I can only imagine the things I’d accomplish if I didn’t get sidetracked with existential questions like “Is a hotdog a sandwich?” If only.
While Carlson’s way of thinking might seem vastly different from the norm, there are several commonalities. Like most people, she has stores of information that she can pull up at any time. Thoughts still can keep her up at night, even if she does picture her endless to-do lists rather than hear them. And not having an inner monologue offers no protection against things like anxiety or depression, which Carlson explains manifest physically for her. Rather than feeling mental overload, her hands will start shaking, her stomach might get nauseated, and she’ll feel physically fatigued or disinterested in life.
Watch the video below:
As our understanding (and appreciation) of neurodiversity becomes more evolved, it’s likely that we’ll have even more fascinating conversations to absorb. No two people interpret the world that same way. Celebrating these differences reminds us that there is no one “right” way of thinking.
This article originally appeared on 1.25.23
Joy
The 17 harsh truths about aging that people were never 'prepared' for
"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down."
09.04.24
A woman contemplating aging
Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang.
But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities. This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life.
Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.
Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.
A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.
Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?
1. There is an end
"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."
"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."
2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat
"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"
3. Mind/body detachment
"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."
"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."
4. The past feels closer than it is
"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."
"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."
Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.
5. Stuck in the wrong time
"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."
6. You lose friends
"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."
"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."
7. Your parents are aging, too
"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."
"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."
8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions
"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"
"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"
9. Your friends die
"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."
10. Time flies
"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."
"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."
11. The monotony sets in
"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."
12. You become invisible to much of society
"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."
13. Adults aren't real
"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."
14. Priorities change
"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."
15. Younger people's reverence
"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."
16. Ageism
"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."
"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"
17. It all catches up
"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."
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Family
Mom explains why she doesn't teach her kids about 'stranger danger' and it makes a ton of sense
Her approach teaches kids safety skills without instilling a fear of people they don't know.
09.05.24
@themarciewhalen/Instagram
Marchie Whalen explains her approach to teaching her kids about safety.
In the 1960s, the Little Golden Books series included a book called "Never Talk to Strangers," a cute little sing-songy rhyme with a host of silly animals and an ominous, repeating refrain: Never talk to strangers.
For generations, the "Don't talk to strangers" message for kids has been as ubiquitous as "Wear your seatbelt" and "Look both ways when you cross the street." But unlike those clear-cut safety rules, "stranger danger" messaging comes with some significant drawbacks and glaring omissions.
Mom and life coach Marcie Whalen shared why she and her partner don't teach their kids the concept of "stranger danger" at all, and her alternate approach makes a lot of sense.
“Parents are trying to protect their kids, keep them safe. But most people are good people," Whalen says. "And we want our girls to be outgoing and have conversations with people to be, in general, hospitable to those around them. And so instead of talking about strangers, we talk about strange behavior.”
Whalen points out the statistical truth that it's far more likely that kids will be abused or hurt by someone they know rather than a stranger. "So I want my girls to understand what strange behavior is—asking them to keep a secret…asking them to go somewhere without their mom or dad—and my girls understand what to look for, whether it’s in somebody they know really well or somebody they don’t know at all."
Watch her explain:
"Stranger danger" may be catchy as a rhyme, but when we teach kids that strangers in general can't be trusted, we instill a sense of fear about everyone they don't know, which isn't entirely fair and can quickly become confusing. Real life involves interacting with strangers all the time, so kids miss developing an important life skill if all they hear is that strangers might be dangerous. We also talk about the kindness of strangers being a good thing, so at what point do kids learn to stop fearing unfamiliar people and start reaching out with kindness?
In truth, some strangers will be more trustworthy and safe than some people kids know, so automatically feeling paranoid about every stranger won't guarantee their safety. Kids who are old enough to be in situations where they might interact with strangers without a parent or guardian beside them are old enough to learn what kinds of situations to avoid and what behavioral red flags to watch for. Most obviously, we should teach kids some specific luring tactics to watch for with strangers, such as an adult asking a child for directions or for help looking for a lost puppy, in addition to the classic tempting them with candy. However, it's also important that they know "strange behavior" isn't always super obvious, so they should listen to their gut if something seems even a little bit "off" or questionable.
For parents worried about kidnapping, it may help to know that even the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children avoids the "never talk to strangers" message as well.
“At the National Center, we don’t teach stranger danger, either," executive director Callahan Walsh told TODAY Parents. "We know that child safety is much more nuanced than just a rhyming phrase. There are inherent flaws with that strategy.”
Walsh shared that kids will often describe strangers as "mean" or "ugly" or "monster-like," which isn't the reality with most people who actually pose a threat. Teaching children to avoid strangers also might prevent them from seeking help from a stranger, such as a security guard, a store employee or a mom with kids, if they find themselves in a scary or dangerous situation.
Of course, knowing your own kid also comes into this equation. Some children are more naturally anxious and cautious, while others may be oblivious to potential dangers, so tailoring the messaging to a child's temperament is wise. Whalen's premise is solid either way, though. Most people are good, most threats come from people kids know and "stranger danger" is a simplistic approach to keeping kids safe that doesn't take the whole of reality into account.
This article originally appeared on 2.22.23
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Education
Pillow hugger or stool rester? What your couch sitting style uncovers about your personality
How we sit says a lot.
09.05.24
A psychologist breaks down what 5 comon couch sitting styles reveal about our personality.
Many of the most seemingly mundane of activities can reflect deeper aspects of our psyche—be it how we use our body language, or even what side of the bed we sleep on.
Even the way we sit on the couch can uncover clues to our personality, according to psychologist Dr Rebekah Wanic.
As reported by The Mirror, Dr. Wanic partnered with Sofa Club to analyze five common couch sitting positions and determine likely character traits associated with each one—from a need for control to complete laissez faire-ness, and everywhere in between.
Curious as to what your go-to move says about you? Read on.
Sitting criss-cross
Those who like to sit criss-cross-applesauce, aka Criss-Crossers, often have a “desire to project an image of sophistication and composure,” says Wanic.
Ultimately, Criss-Crossers want to appear “polished and controlled.” Or maybe they do a lot of yoga, who knows.
Lounging back
If you’re a “Lay Back Lounger,” Wanic surmises that you’re all about “relaxation and comfort” and are perfectly confident taking up the space to do so.
Sitting with knees curled up
Those who sit with their knees curled up, nicknamed “Snug Sitters,” also value comfort, along with peace. That “may also be less interested in gaining attention but more focused on enjoying their experience,” says Wanic.
Propping feet on a stool
“Footstool Fans,” as Wanic calls them, are likely to be very practical, yet adaptable…which is something my recliner-loving husband will surely rub in my face from now on.
Hugging a pillow while sitting
Lastly, Wanic said that “Cushion Cuddlers” are most likely to be more on the shy, introverted side who prefer “blending in” to standing out.
Of course, these labels aren’t necessarily gospel. An extrovert can certainly enjoy hugging a pillow from time to time. Maybe you just want to prop your feet up to take some pressure off your back. Or maybe you’re like me and go through all six of these positions in a single hour.
While non verbal communication has relevance, many people erroneously believe in body language myths that have little evidence to back them—thanks in no small part to TikTok. Many still believe, for example, that speaking while looking in different directions indicates deceit, though that has long been debunked. Or that crossing your arms signals discomfort (spoiler: not necessarily).
Humans are complex creatures, even when they’re sitting on the couch. We can’t determine the full scope of all their inner workings from just one thing. But, certain patterns of behavior can tell a story. As the saying goes, “"We are what we repeatedly do.” Plus, just like with taking an online quiz or reading your horoscope, it’s nice to quell our curiosity, gain a better sense of ourselves and others, maybe even feel some validation. Not to mention, it’s just fun!
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