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Researcher says parents who have strong relationships with their adult children do 7 things

The relationship you form when they're little has ripple effects much later on.

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Parenting coach urges parents who want a good relationship with their adult children to do these 7 things

My wife and I really love our kids. OK, that sounds obvious. But I guess what I really mean is that we like them. We always joke that we'd be totally OK if our kids lived with us forever, mooching off of our money and food and and hanging out with us forever and forever. Doesn't sound too bad to me!

We're mostly joking, of course. Obviously I want them to flourish in their own lives, find spouses and/or have children if that's what they want, seek success in their careers and have rich friendships and adventures all over the world. So I will probably have to settle for just having a good relationship with them, one that straddles the line between parent and friend just right.

will ferrell, meatloaf, wedding crashers, parenting, moms, motherhood, kids, adult chidlrenI guess there's a downside to your kids living at home forever.Giphy

When your kids are grown, you're not really their buddy or bestie, but you also have to take a step back from your full-time role as protector and teacher. You have to land in the sweet spot in between, and a lot of parents get this wrong, falling too far to one side or the other. Conflict can come from anywhere, from the adult children feeling overly criticized or controlled, to poor boundaries, to disagreements about modern vs old-school parenting/marriage/values.

Navigating these conflicts well is crucial, but the real work is done much, much earlier.

Reem Raouda, a Certified Conscious Parenting Coach and researcher, recently wrote about her observations after working with over 200 different families. She says the foundation for a good parent-adult child relationship begins in the early years.

Parents who are successful in this area do seven things early on when their kids are young. They're actually much harder than they sound.

parenting, motherhood, fatherhood, moms, dads, babies, family, loveA good relationship with your adult children starts here. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Let them know their feelings matter

You know the classic "husband mistake" where he wants to fix all his wife's problems instead of just letting her vent? Yeah, parents do that, too. As protectors and teachers, we rush to fix or offer solutions but often fail to acknowledge our kids' feelings. Raouda says making your children feel understood is a key building block to your relationship several years down the road.

Choose connection over control

Fear can be useful if your goal is to make sure your children do all their chores and never misbehave in front of you. But it's not going to serve your relationship into their adult years. A gentler approach based on listening and empathy, and one that deprioritizes obedience, is the better longterm strategy.

"When kids feel emotionally secure, they continue seeking your support well into adulthood," she writes.

Give them a voice in their own life

We try to do this as often as we can, so I know exactly how hard it is. Take summer camps — what I want to do is sign my kids up for the things I think will be good for them and the camps that will work well for my schedule. But they may have totally different ideas. Making space for what they want is time-consuming and annoying (they don't want to go to camp at all, or they want to go to a camp that doesn't exist), but is hugely important in giving them agency.


kids, sports, dads, fatherhood, fathers, children, teens, familyDon't force your son to play football just because you love it.Giphy

Own your mistakes

This is a huge one, but very difficult to do! A lot of parents are too proud to apologize to their own children or they think it undermines them. It's difficult because when you treat another adult badly or say or do something you regret, you know you're going to have to apologize — but children can't hold you accountable in the same way. You have all the power and no one is going to make you say that you're sorry. But it's such an important lesson for them and it helps them see that your relationship isn't just about power.

"Children raised in homes where accountability is the norm don't fear making mistakes. Instead of hiding their struggles, they trust they can come to you without shame," Raouda says.

Make quality time together a daily habit

In one of my favorite articles, The Myth of Quality Time, Frank Bruni argues that it is impossible to create quality time. You can't schedule a big heart-to-heart or map out exactly when and where you and your child will open up to each other and share a moment. These things happen naturally and organically to people who spend a large quantity of time together. Get used to actually spending time together and it will pay off down the road with stronger connection.

Let them be themselves without judgment

We've all heard of the dad who forces his kids to play sports because that's what he wants them to do, or the mom who makes her daughter follow in her gymnastics footsteps. As you can imagine, your children will be much more comfortable around you as adults if you encourage their uniqueness and support them as they follow their own paths.

"When kids grow up feeling accepted," Raouda writes, "they won't have to choose between being themselves and staying close to you.

Protect the relationship over being right


kids, parenting, parents, moms, hug, love, family, relationshipsIt's OK to admit when you're wrong. In fact, it's critical. Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

It's hard for adults to admit, but sometimes kids are right! You can probably bulldoze over them when they're young, but you're much better off allowing them to have a somewhat equal voice in your relationship. As Raouda says, "When kids know they can express themselves and still be loved and respected, they grow into adults who trust the relationship rather than fear it."

Other experts have written about this conundrum at length. One of the most counterintuitive pieces of advice is to not center your whole world around your children.

For all the effort that we want and need to pour into our relationships with out kids, it's ironically incredibly important that we have other things going on. After all, if we don't show them what a full life is supposed to look like, how are they supposed to create one?

Psychologist Henry Cloud writes: "A child needs to internalize a model of someone who has a life of her own. The parent whose life is centered around her children is influencing them to think that life is about either becoming a parent or being forever served by a parent. Let your child know you have interests and relationships that don’t involve her. Take trips without her. Show her that you take active responsibility in meeting your own needs and solving your own problems."

Unless, of course, you really do want them living at home and mooching off of you forever. But let's be real, that's probably not as great as it sounds.


Veronica Duque wearing her famous anatomy suit

Being an educator in the American public school system is one of the hardest jobs in our nation. Not only is the work itself challenging, but with constant battles for educational funding and a student body increasingly tethered to their electronic devices, most teachers in America and around the world are navigating uncharted territory when it comes to finding ways to keep their students engaged in their studies.

And that's why when Verónica Duque came across a form-fitting, anatomical bodysuit while doing some online shopping, she thought it would be perfect visual aid to convey vital information (pun intended) to her students in Spain, in a way they'd actually remember.

Turns out, the entire internet would remember it too.

Duque's husband tweeted a collage of images from the classroom lesson, which quickly went viral, with nearly 70,000 likes. Loosely translated, the tweet from her husband Michael reads: "Very proud of this volcano of ideas that I am lucky to have as a wife. Today she explained the human body to her students in a very original way. Great Veronica !!!"

In an interview with Bored Panda, Duque explained the thought process that led her to presenting her third-grade-class with a unique approach to learning.

"I was surfing the internet when an ad of an AliExpress swimsuit popped up," she said. "Knowing how hard it is for kids this young to visualize the disposition of internal organs, I thought it was worth giving it a try."

anatomy, anatomical suit, teachers, science, cool teachers, science class, amazonThis is a teacher who cares. assets.rebelmouse.io

Online retailers like Amazon have a number of similar anatomical bodysuits for sale. While most people apparently purchase them for Halloween costumes or as gag gifts, it's now likely that Duque's viral moment will inspire some other educators around the world to take a similar approach to teaching the body basics to their students.

anatomy, anatomical suit, teachers, science, cool teachers, science class, amazonHalloween costume, check. Amazon

While some on Twitter were critical of the suit, the vast majority have praised Duque for her innovative approach to teaching. And the anatomical bodysuit is reportedly far from her first creative endeavor in the classroom.

"I decided long ago to use disguises for history lessons," she told Bored Panda. "I'm also using cardboard crowns for my students to learn grammatical categories such as nouns, adjectives, and verbs. Different grammar kingdoms, so to say."

And when it comes to the inevitable, made-up controversy that tends to latch itself onto virtually anyone that goes viral, Duque said she says there's another far more controversial stereotype she hopes her brief moment of fame will help address.

"I'd like society to stop considering teachers to be lazy bureaucratic public servants," she said. "We're certainly not." Get this teacher a raise!

What really works about Duque's presentation is that it engages students in a sensorial experiences, which helps lessons stick (and let's face it, anything that engages he sense nowadays is a godsend). But there are other methods teachers/parents can try that don't involve wearing a suit with guts on 'em.

Here are some suggestions for hands-on "DIY experiments", courtesy of the Little Medical School website:

1. Building the respiratory system by creating a model lung with straws, balloons, bottles, and duct tape

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

2. Sculpting Body parts with Play Doh

(Grab free printable mats on 123Homeschool4Me)

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

3. Build a functioning heart model

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Of course, these lessons are a little more geared towards younger students, but at the same time, it could provide some inspiration for how to get students more involved in their own learning, just like Duque did.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

Women have hilarious reaction to Robert Irwin's underwear ad

Many Millennials hold a very special place in their hearts for Steve Irwin, the famous "Crocodile Hunter" who spent his time educating the world about wildlife conservation in Australia. As we came to know Steve, we also got to know his wife Terri, daughter Bindi and son Robert. The little family quickly infiltrated the hearts of people everywhere, causing Steve's sudden and tragic death in 2006 to majorly impact the public zeitgeist.

Watching his kids grow up and follow in his footsteps has been a source of comfort for many, especially because they harbor no ill-will or fear for the wildlife that ultimately killed Steve. As a family, it's clear that they understand and preach, as Steve did, the importance of protecting and respecting animals in all their wonder and danger.

We got to know Irwin's children and wife on a level that felt personal in many ways; some would even go as far as to say that the Irwins feel like family. So, imagine everyone's surprise when Robert Irwin, the baby of the family, revealed pictures from his new underwear ad for Bonds, an Australian underwear brand. Bonds is now launching in the United States with the youngest Irwin as the face of the campaign.

Robert cut back on carbs and hit a few more sit ups to prepare for the campaign. When it was time for him to drop his trousers, he was ready... Women, however, were not—but in the most wholesome way possible.

Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, australia, wildlife, conservationNo Problem Thumbs Up GIFGiphy

It's hard to adjust when people you "knew" when they were a baby are all of the sudden an adult. It's easy to keep such people in the "little kid" category, which colors how we see them at all times. This is especially evident when looking back at celebrities who began as child stars. For those who've been in the public eye from a young age get older, there's generally a phase of outward expression of their sexuality and adult—sometimes in the extreme. During this phase, those who were attempting to hold onto that celebrity's childhood tend to finally move them into the "adult" category—once their shock wears off, that is.

Robert is a little different, though. He's grown up in the public eye and remained just as wholesome as everyone knew his family to be. While he's not doing anything wild, seeing the 21-year-old in nothing but his skivvies with an eight pack of abs (I didn't realize abs came in that number) made some women feel like they just walked in on their little brother. Of course, the only one who has any right to feel like they're seeing their little brother in their underwear is Bindi, but I'm sure she'll allow us to share the shock with her.

jimmy fallon, robert irwin, steve irwin, child star, famejimmy fallon turtle GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Giphy

People shared the exclusive photos to their Facebook page, where we elder Millennials are still hanging strong, and it's safe to say, collectively, we were not prepared.

One woman writes, "Me: scrolling through my news feed. Me: seeing pictures of this guy. Me: oh who's this? Also me: omg! This isn't baby Irwin! I feel like a long distance aunt to you. We can't be having none of this."

Another says, "Robert Irwin! We will call your mama so fast . You are still 10 years old. Where are your clothes? All of your Aunties cannot be seeing you misbehaving like this."

Someone else jokes, "This feels illegal. Someone call Terri to get her son."

"Boy. No.. Good for him for getting the confidence in his own skin and body. But, no.. We cousins. I enjoyed watching your kind dad wrestling with alligators and crocodiles growing up. He's a neat guy. I can't be crushing on this boy. We cousins," another commenter cries.

The confusion around why the youngest Irwin is darn near naked on newsfeeds across the globe is hilariously pure. It feels like we should slowly close the door and avoid eye contact until a respectable amount of time has passed. Here's what a few others are saying about his underwear modeling debut:

"This feels so wrong, you are the Earths treasure. We not supposed to see what’s down under," one person writes.

"Robert, I literally watched your mother gestate you. Put ya clothes on!," someone else laughs.

Another woman says, "I was like…. I know this ain’t little pookie from that Irwin family down the street. I want to unsee it. Aunty getting too old for this."

Once again someone is asking for Terri's backup, "Robert Irwin!!!!! Does your mother know about these?!?!"

Clearly people are happy that Robert is out here living his best life, but if you need elder Millennial women for anything, we will all be recovering for three to five business days and waiting for Terri to come grab Robert by the ear. He's just a baby. We weren't ready.

Learning to make sounds we didn't grow up with can be tricky.

When (or if) kids learn phonics at school, they're taught the symbols that go with sounds of their country's native language or languages. People all around the world grow up learning to make specific sounds with their mouths by imitating the language(s) they are immersed in, which can leave us completely unaware of how many other sounds there are until we hear a language that's far different from our own.

Even the common foreign languages that American school kids learn have sounds that can be tricky to get down. The rolled "r" in Spanish. The nuances of French vowel pronunciations. The glottal stops in German. The sound that's a mix between "r" and "l" in Japanese. And for people learning English, one of the trickiest sounds to get down is "er," as in the American pronunciation of "bird," "world," "summer," or "percent."

Oddly enough, for as common as the "er" sound is in English, it's linguistically rare. According to the Linguistics Channel @human1011, the "er" sound is found in less than 1% of the world's languages, rarer than the click consonants found in some languages in East and Southern Africa.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

As rare as the sound is, there are a lot of people in the world who use it, mainly because it's also used in Mandarin Chinese, or at least many variations of it. So, while there aren't many languages that use it, by sheer numbers of people, it's not that uncommon.

"So, a sound that's so rare that it's in less than 1% of the world's languages just happens to exist in the two most spoken languages on Earth? Can that really be a coincidence?" the @human1011 video asks. Well, yes. English and Chinese don't share a common linguistic root, so those sounds just happened to evolve in very different parts of the planet. According to some people in the comments of the video, there are regional dialects in Brazil where the "er" sound is used and in certain parts of the Netherlands as well.

Pronouncing the "er" sound is hard if you don't grow up with it, largely because it's all about the placement and shape of the tongue inside the mouth combined with the way the lips are positioned. That combination is physically tricky to show someone. This video, from a non-native-English-speaker does a good job of explaining the mouth movements that create the sound.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What's particularly interesting about the "er" sound in American English is that it functions as a vowel sound. Most of us learned that the vowels in English are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y, and that's true as far as written vowels go, but vowel sounds are different. In the word "bird," the letter "i" is a vowel, but doesn't make any of the "i" sounds that we learned in school. Instead, the "ir" combine to make the "er" vowel sound. It's called an r-controlled vowel, and we see it in tons of words like "work," "were," "burn," "skirt," etc.

Learn something new every day, right?

Here's another video that explains the physical aspects of articulating the r-controlled vowel sound.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Most of us don't think about the fact that sounds we pronounce without even thinking about it have to be specifically learned and practiced by people who didn't grow up with them. It's not until we start trying to learn a language that's different from our own that we see how many sounds we have to work hard to make, sometimes even having to train our mouth muscles in ways they've never been used before.

It's also a good reminder to be patient and kind with people who are learning a language. It's not easy, and anyone making an effort to communicate in someone else's language deserves our grace and kudos.

You can follow @human1011 on YouTube for more interesting linguistics trivia.

Man saves neighbor from home invader in show of community

Your home is supposed to be one of the safest places for you to be, but there are times when that safety is shattered due to another's actions. The sad truth is people have very little control over whether they'll deal with a burglary, attempted or otherwise. There are plenty of measures one can take to safeguard their home, but thanks to advancing technology and general craftiness, it may not always be enough. Thankfully, there are neighbors who notice when something isn't quite right.

It's often good neighbors who are quick to alert the police if something is awry. One woman realized her neighbor was looking out for her when he showed up on her porch to talk to her through her Ring doorbell camera. Kimberly S. recently shared a video of her neighbor who alerted her that someone was attempting to break into her home.

At the time, Kimberly was at home alone with her children. She had no clue she was almost the victim of a burglary (or worse) until her doorbell rang. In the video, you see her neighbor, Vagner Soares, trying to explain the situation after the single mom asks who he is.

burglar, thief, break in, neighbor, good neighborbreak in GIF by HULUGiphy

"This is your neighbor. I seen someone trying to break into your house and I confronted him about it and he said that he knew the owner over here," Soares says, appearing a little apprehensive. He then explains that the man was on the side of her house trying to break in. "Yeah, it's a big white guy. He's a big white guy, he has long hair with a beard."

Kimberly was audibly shaken up upon hearing the news. She kept repeating, "He was on the side?" as if she was trying to make sense of what was happening. Soares makes sure to share exactly what happened so Kimberly could relay it to the police once they arrived.

"Yeah, he was like on his knees trying to open the door. I was watching him, I was like why is he so suspicious and then I got out the car and confronted him and he said he knew the owner over there and I said it could be a problem if you come back over here. But I said I was going to come over and let you know what's going on," the man says.

@virgobladefit Huge thanks and blessings to my neighbor for not only warning me but also helping deter this man from breaking into my home. Grateful for good people who look out for each other. If you’re in Rhode Island and recognize who my neighbor is describing, let me know or the police… let’s keep our communities safe 🥹😭🩷 #RhodeIsland #CommunityWatch #StaySafe #NeighborhoodWatch #RingCamera #BreakInAlert #CrimePrevention #BeAware #ProtectYourHome #LookOutForEachOther ♬ original sound - Kimberly S

The mom responded to the news by telling Soares she was scared. She then asked him to wait on her porch while she called the police. According to a follow-up video, the police did come, but they left after looking around her house since they couldn't identify the would-be criminal. It was revealed later in a comment that Soares and his girlfriend drove around after the police left and spotted the man, recorded a video of him, and sent it to Kimberly who then filed a police report of the incident. People can't get enough of the man's kindness in looking out for his neighbor.

"If we had more men like this we wouldn’t choose the bear! Love that he stood up for you and let the man know it’d be a problem if he seen him again," one commenter says.

"So brave of him to confront that man because he could’ve been dangerous. As scary as this is, it’s good to know you have somebody who has your back like him," writes another

"This is what it’s about! We gotta come together as a community and look out for each other," another shared, and still another added, "This reminds me of how it used to be where your neighbors looked out for each other. Now a days you don’t even know your next door neighbor smh."

Kimberly does clarify that her neighbor wasn't the only one that saw the person attempting to break in. Several neighbors saw the man but it was Soares who confronted him and informed her about it while the other neighbors supported Soares out of the view of the camera. Unfortunately, there is no news of any arrests but the mom did install more cameras to cover the side door and has a large dog to help deter any more burglary attempts. It's also probably good to know her neighbors are looking out for each other.

Brandon Conway sounds remarkably like Michael Jackson when he sings.

When Michael Jackson died 13 years ago, the pop music world lost a legend. However markedly mysterious and controversial his personal life was, his contributions to music will go down in history as some of the most influential of all time.

Part of what made him such a beloved singer was the uniqueness of his voice. From the time he was a young child singing lead for The Jackson 5, his high-pitched vocals stood out. Hearing him sing live was impressive, his pitch-perfect performances always entertaining.

No one could ever really be compared to MJ, or so we thought. Out of the blue, a guy showed up on TikTok recently with a casual performance that sounds so much like the King of Pop it's blowing people away.

michael jackson, tiktok, viral video, michael jackson impersonator, michael jackson covers, michael jackson songs, brandon conwayThis is too good. media1.giphy.com

Brandon Conway posted his first TikTok video ever on July 24 in 2022, and in less than three weeks was viewed more than 27 million times. It's just him standing in a parking lot snapping his fingers and singing "The Way You Make Me Feel," but when he opens his mouth, whoa.

As he keeps going, it gets even more whoa. Then he hits Jackson's signature "he he" and the whoa turns into what?!?

Take a listen:

@brandonconway11 First post on tiktok let me know what you guys think! More videos coming soon feom mj to country to rock so yall be sure to stay tuned!#fyp #singer #usherchallenge @usher @tpain #letsgo #firstvideo ♬ original sound - Brandon


Uncanny, right? If you need a reminder of how Jackson himself sounded when he sang it, here's a live performance from Auckland during his 1996 world tour.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Very impressive, to say the least. Especially considering Conway seems to label himself a country singer over a pop artist.

@brandonconway11 This one goes out to all the ones who maybe going through it right now… the messsge you ask?? The message is knowing that regardless of how bad things may be or get it’s always okay to ask for help… no matter how you do it or when the fact still remains that we all need a little help or “saving” if you will! @Jelly Roll my brother thank you and @Lainey Wilson for such a beautiful song ❤️ I hope you all enjoy my cover of this great record with my right hand man @JoshHamiltonmusic__ strumming his guitar! Happy Monday everyone hope your Christmas filled week is beautiful 🙏🏽#brandonconwaymusic #viralvideo #coversongsontiktok #thereisalwayshope ♬ original sound - Brandon

Basically, he can't go wrong with whatever genre he does. Follow him on TikTok to hear more.

This article originally appeared three years ago.