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Nurse turns inappropriate things men say in the delivery room into ‘inspirational’ art

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

delivery room, holly nurse, delivery stories
via @Hollyd_rn/TikTok

Holly the delivery nurse.

After working six years as a labor and delivery nurse Holly, 30, has heard a lot of inappropriate remarks made by men while their partners are in labor. “Sometimes the moms think it’s funny—and if they think it’s funny, then I’ll laugh with them,” Holly told TODAY Parents. “But if they get upset, I’ll try to be the buffer. I’ll change the subject.”

Some of the comments are so wrong that she did something creative with them by turning them into “inspirational” quotes and setting them to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton on TikTok.

“Some partners are hard to live up to!” she jokingly captioned the video.

The first video featured the following facepalm-inducing quotes:

“I think you should just get a C-section. This is taking too long.”

“How long is this gonna take? I have plans this weekend.”

“Are you sure you want an epidural? My mom didn’t have one. Before you make a decision, we should talk about it.”

“Sew an extra stitch down there for me, doc. We want everything just the way it was before all of this.”

@hollyd_rn

Part 1: Some partners are hard to live up to! Get you a good one #laboranddelivery #labor

It’s unbelievable that anyone would make such selfish comments while their partner is in the throes of giving birth. Anyone who would ask, “How long is this gonna take?” definitely isn’t prepared to raise a child.

Some TikTok users thought that these women should have left their partners right there in the delivery room.

"LOL immediate divorce, I'm not joking," Rig wrote. Little_n_often agreed saying, "I’d be getting the divorce papers ready."

“I would sign the divorce papers while in labor and pushing,” another commenter wrote.

The video was a massive hit on TikTok, receiving over 10 million views. So, the nurse followed it up with a sequel where she shared more “inspirational” delivery room quotes from men.

@hollyd_rn

Part 2: some partners are hard to live up to! Get you a good one! #laboranddelivery #babydaddy #labor

"Wake me up when the baby gets here I'm tired." (Rolls over, puts cover over head and slept thru the birth of his baby.)

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

(As the patient is pushing) "Do you guys do DNA tests here? My mom wants me to get one before we leave."

"Call me when you're about to have the baby. I'm gonna go with [name redacted] to the bar and watch the game."

Holly also told TODAY Parents that men should also keep their thoughts on pain medication to themselves and to stop looking at the contraction monitor and making comments.

“She can feel it!” Holly said. “You don’t need to ask her if she felt it. Trust me, she did.”

Holly’s public airing of men’s bad behavior had to be therapeutic, because, as a nurse, she can’t tell them off in the delivery room. But it's also a warning to men out there on how not to behave when their partners are giving birth. If there was ever a time in the world to stop thinking about yourself, it’s while your partner is giving birth.

Remember guys, think before you say anything in the delivery room, the nurses are listening.


This article first appeared on 09.23.22

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Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids.

The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase:

"When are you bringing them over?"

Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Identity

Person who uses a wheelchair shares tips for being less weird around them

"It's wild to me how often people will just roll me out of their way. Please don't do this."

Image by Canva, Screenshot via @AdamHubrig/Twitter

A wheelchair user offered some helpful tips for how to interact with them in daily life.

One of the best things about social media—besides the hilarious cat videos—is how it gives us all an opportunity to learn from one another. The ability to share an experience or a piece of wisdom or advice and have it be carried far and wide can be incredibly useful, especially when it comes from someone whose voice may not be heard as often as it should.

A perfect example is a 2022 thread by Ada Hubrig (@AdamHubrig) on Twitter explaining how and how not to interact with a person in a wheelchair. Hubrig says using a wheelchair has been "life-changing in the best way" for them, but the way they are treated when they are using a wheelchair can be annoying, frustrating, hurtful or just downright weird.

Some people don't have regular interactions with people who use wheelchairs and may have questions about what's appropriate and what's not. Some people might make assumptions about people using wheelchairs or be completely oblivious to how their prejudices are impacting their behavior. Hubrig's thread not only clarified some common issues wheelchair users deal with, but also opened up the conversation for people to ask some of the less obvious questions.

Hubrig opened their thread by explaining that they actually love their wheelchair, as they can't stand or walk for more than 10 minutes without it. However, they loathe how people treat them when they're using it.

Then they shared some tips on how to do better:

"First, remember that wheelchair users are people," they wrote. "We are more similar to you than different, we're just sitting down while you're standing up. You're likely around other people who are sitting as you stand all the time. Don't make it weird."

"Second, remembering that we're people, respect our autonomy," they continued. "If we're speaking and you have a question for me, don't ask my partner who is standing. As an example, medical professionals will often ask my partner my symptoms when I am RIGHT THERE. Please notice us."

The third piece of advice was to never touch a person's wheelchair or other mobility or medical advice unless you have been given permission. Hubrig said that people will often just roll them out of the way.

Yeah, don't do that. You wouldn't pick up a standing person and move them out of the way (hopefully). Same concept.

Hubrig went on to explain that no one is entitled to anyone else's medical history or trauma. "I get that you may mean well, but asking 'what happened' can be more difficult for some people than you realize," they wrote. "It's a lot of emotional labor to answer."

On a related note, don't ask about people's genitals. Ever. Seriously.

A tip for parents: "Please don't let your kids crawl on me or my wheelchair. My wheelchair isn't a toy."

"I like kids mostly, I do," Hubrig wrote. "But even if we weren't in a pandemic, I don't want any stranger up in my personal space like that. Once a kid ripped my ostomy bag off me. No plz."

Also, don't make judgments about a person's need for the wheelchair. "Some wheelchair users, like myself, don't use the wheelchair full time," Hubrig wrote. "I can walk/stand about ten minutes at a time, and use a cane for short distances. If you see a wc user standing/using a cane/whatever, don't assume we're faking. We don't use a wc for fun."

Not being believed can be a major barrier to people with disabilities utilizing the tools they need to live as fully and functionally as possible. "I have talked to many people whose life would be better with a mobility device but they don't use one. Because of how we treat people who use mobility devices."

That is a tragedy.

Finally, Hubrig summed up the basics:

"1.) Wheelchair users/disabled people ARE people. Act as such.

2.) Mind your business."

Seems simple enough, but as we all know, humans have a remarkable ability to not follow simple instructions.

One of the common questions well-meaning people had was whether or not they should offer to help a person in a wheelchair if it appears they are struggling. On the one hand, you don't want to assume someone needs help just because they're in a wheelchair, but on the other, you don't want to leave them struggling if they do need help.

The consensus was that asking if someone needs help is almost always appropriate. Just don't assume they need help and jump in without asking (barring any obvious emergencies, of course).

Another question some had was whether it's appropriate to lean over or kneel down to talk to someone in a wheelchair. On the one hand, it might feel more respectful to put yourself on the same eye level as the person in the chair. On the other hand, you don't want to make them feel like you're infantilizing them. (This question was asked by a person who is hard of hearing, which adds another layer to the question as that's an accommodation that needs to be considered as well. But it was also asked by someone who simply wanted to know which wheelchair users preferred.)

Responses from wheelchair users varied a bit, but most agreed that standing was fine for brief exchanges, but pulling up a chair to talk to them at a similar height was appreciated for long conversations. It can be straining on the neck to look up at someone for long periods.

So much boils down to basic empathy and the Golden Rule. If you were using a wheelchair, what would feel rude or disrespectful or annoying? How would you want people to talk to or interact with you? The truth is any one of us may find ourselves with a disability that necessitates a mobility or medical device at some point in our lives, so the more we normalize accommodations and, you know, basic courtesy and compassion, the better off we'll all be.


This article originally appeared on 2.24.22

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Conflict expert shares the 1 phrase you can use to stop an argument from happening

It'll make people agree with you, too.

via Canva/Photos

A guy having a collaborative conversation.

The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.

Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.

Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.

How to have a constructive conversation

Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.

The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsPeople coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos

When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.

It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.

Phrases you can use to avoid an argument

The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”

Here are some other phrases you can use:

“I wonder if…”

“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”

“I might be wrong, but…”

“How funny! I had a different reaction…”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”

“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”


conversation, arguments, communication tipsTwo men high-fiving one another.via Canva/Photos

What's the best way to disagree with people?

A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.

“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.

In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.

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Humor

Teacher returns from maternity leave to field hilariously sweet questions from her class

Who better to ask where babies come from than a second grade teacher?

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Curious second graders ask questions about pregnancy.

Whoa, baby! Fielding questions about where babies come from can be a full-time job, especially when you’ve got a classroom full of curious kids. Most times, this big question is left to the parents, who sometimes give elaborate answers that they invariably need to correct when the child is older. I’ve heard parents tell kids that babies come from watermelon seeds that get accidentally swallowed or that a stork drops babies off on doorsteps (I’ve yet to hear where the stork gets this unsuspecting child). People can spin some tall tales in an effort to avoid answering the question of where babies come from and how they get out.

In 2022, A K-5 science teacher in North Carolina decided she was going to answer questions from her curious second grade class with age-appropriate truthful answers. Nancy Bullard was preparing for maternity leave with her first child and realized she would need to inform her class that she would be out for a few months so they wouldn’t be concerned.

Bullard told Today Parents, "I didn’t want them to get caught off guard when I stopped coming to school. Plus, I wanted to reassure them that my leave was temporary." Bullard has a rotating group of students that come through her science lab weekly and she decided to turn her expected absence into a lesson she titled “Baby Bonanza.” During the lesson, the kids were able to draw the baby and guess his birthday, weight and time of birth.

Bullard also said the students gave her very cute parenting advice and tips on how to be a good mom. Some of this included singing the baby a song to throwing a piece of cheese on its face. The cheese was inspired by a TikTok video, the child admitted, but other gems included feeding and changing the baby, while one child suggested running away if the baby started crying.

When Mrs. B. returned to work after welcoming her first child, Sam, a baby boy, the kids were ready to learn more, and Mrs. B did not disappoint. Bullard told Today Parents, "I wanted to take a few minutes to catch up with students, introduce them to my son, and let them ask questions. When I wrote my lesson plan for this day I planned to spend about five minutes answering questions, but ended up spending nearly 20 minutes doing so."

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The students were filled with curiosity when their teacher returned. One asked “Is it difficult to have a baby?” to which Mrs. B. responded, “Yeah, yeah it is. It’s pretty tough.” Another student asked if the baby slept with his mom and dad, while another wanted to know the big question. You know: Where do babies come from? Without missing a beat, Bullard answered like the science teacher she is, with “They come from an organ called your uterus,” while pointing to her lower belly.

Bullard explained to Today that she taught a lesson earlier in the year about organs and organ function to her kids in K-5. “Regardless of age, all my students understand the basic concept of pregnancy: There was a baby inside me, now that baby is out, and I spent maternity leave taking care of him … Students were interested, curious, and excited to get their questions answered," the new mom said. "As a science teacher, I welcome curiosity and always strive to answer questions factually."

The elementary science teacher shared the video on TikTok and Instagram, “Mrs. B TV,” where the video has racked up more than 7 million views across the two platforms.

May all children be so lucky as to have a Mrs. B. at some point in their school career.


This article originally appeared on 4.5.22

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Parenting

Mom tears up sharing the perfect parenting advice she received from a complete stranger

Sometimes the we get exactly what we need from the unlikeliest of places.

@_stephmorrison/TikTok

May we all get this kind of encouragement from time to time

Parents often get unsolicited commentary that however well intended ultimately does more harm than good. This is especially true for those times when complete strangers kindly remind parents of how hectic and demanding their post-baby lives must be. Cause nothing eases the mind quite like being told how stressful things are.

But this story is the opposite of all that. In a now-viral TikTok, mom Steph Morrison shared that she had been on a walk with her newborn when an older man approached her, and instead of giving her the classic platitude of “you must have your hands full” he offered the exact encouragement she needed in that moment.

It was so perfect, in fact, that Morrison immediately began crying as she repeated it in her video.

“Wow…you’re going to have a lot of fun.”

It was such a simple statement, yet so poignantly refreshing. And made all the more touching since Morrsion could see this man’s memories of parenthood “flash” through his own eyes while giving the compliment.

Watch:


@_stephmorrison_ I never would have guessed what the man would say nor did I ever predict tears would roll down my face like they did. Thankful for this sweet glimmer from God 🫶🏼✨ #momspiration #momsoftiktok #momsover30 #quotesforyou #momquotes #postpartumjourney #postpartumlife #happywords #happinessbegins #creatorsearchinsights ♬ take a moment to breathe. - normal the kid

This man’s words didn’t only strike a chord with Morrison, but literally thousands of other parents who viewed her video.

“The way I burst into tears hearing that 💛,” wrote one person.

Another shared, “As an overstimulated single momma of two, thank you for shifting my perspective.”

Many were inspired to share their own experiences of getting unexpected but oh-so needed encouragement from a stranger.

“An older man in the grocery store stopped me when my son was 8 months old and said ‘young enough to still talk to the angels, put in a good word for me!’” said one person.

“My only son is 7 months. I can’t have anymore kids due to life threatening complications at birth. The other day a man said to me ‘he gets to have you all to himself, isn’t that so special?’ I cried,” said another.

Parenting isn’t easy (then again, many of the most worthwhile things in life aren't). But it’s those small, pure moments of bliss that make it undeniable special. Those are the moments we need to hold onto. As Morrision put it, “It’s the right vibe and energy to bring to motherhood.”

It’s not possible to always hold onto this positive vibe, which is what makes kind words from a stranger truly miraculous gifts. So the next time you see a parent in the throes of childrearing, maybe take a page from this man’s book and remind them of the joy that is ever present.

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