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Unlearning toxic masculinity can be difficult. Here are a few role models who can help.

We talk a lot about toxic masculinity.

It seems like people are starting to confound the meaning of the term.

"Oh, so you're saying that masculinity is TOXIC," they say. "That's SEXIST against MEN," they say.

To them I say: Stop being willfully obtuse.

If I said, "Whoa, that's a rabid prairie dog," would you intentionally misunderstand me and yell at me for being a dingbat who thinks that ALL prairie dogs are rabid?

I didn't say that, bro.

When I refer to "toxic masculinity," I'm not labeling all masculinity as toxic. Just like when I say, "Oh shit, there's a rabid prairie dog coming at you," I'm not saying that all prairie dogs are rabid.

But I am saying that some prairie dogs are clearly foaming at the mouth, meaning that something could be spreading through the colony — and sometimes you can't tell the sick ones just by looking at them.

Same thing with men.

So listen up:

No, not all forms of masculinity are toxic. But yes, some are.

Here's what can look like:

  • Repression of feelings like sadness, fear, insecurity, and the related behaviors like crying, hiding, or talking about feelings. Example: "Boys don't cry! Be a man!"
  • Over-expression of anger through behaviors that are violent, erratic, and intended to dominate. Example: "What'd you say? You can't talk to me like that! *punches*)"
  • Need to be strong, dominant, and alpha, and fear of expressing "weakening" feelings or behaviors like affection, vulnerability, tenderness, kindness, gentleness, grief. Example: "My wife just had a baby. Whatever, let's close the deal.”
  • Sexual entitlement and violence. Example: "You know you want this."
  • Transference of responsibility for feelings, actions, and consequences to women. Example: "You just made me so mad."
  • Mocking or rejecting men who do not adhere to these "dominant," "alpha male" standards of behavior. Example: "Don't be a fag, Mike. Hey, everybody, look at Mike — he's all butthurt like a little girl."
  • Extreme fragility, because a man is told his sense of self is dependent on the idea that he is dominant rather than the idea that he is inherently valuable just for being who he is.
  • Passing on these behaviors and attitudes to their kids. Devastatingly.

But again, not all masculinity is toxic. So what does this nontoxic masculinity look like?

It's harder to figure out how to be something if you don't know what that something looks like. That's why, today, I want to talk about role models for the next generation of young male feminists.

They're strong. They're brave. They're kind. They cry.  

They are …

1. Terry Crews/Terry Jeffords

He's masculine ...

[rebelmouse-image 19477040 dam="1" original_size="400x300" caption="GIF from "Friday After Next."" expand=1]GIF from "Friday After Next."

... but nontoxic!

This man is a mountain of dancing muscle. He looks like someone's "Ultimate Tough Guy" drawing come to life. His character on "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," Terry Jeffords, is ripped, shredded, and doesn't take shit. He's a boss.

[rebelmouse-image 19477041 dam="1" original_size="500x247" caption="GIF from "Conan."" expand=1]GIF from "Conan."

He's not violent. Terry the character is fearful of violence and isn't afraid to express it. He shows love, affection, vulnerability. He's into his family and farmers markets.

And Terry the man has trusted us with the story of his own sexual assault.

Talk about strong. Talk about brave. Talk about vulnerable. Talk about empathetic. Talk about emotional availability.

2. The "Queer Eye" crew

They're masculine ...

[rebelmouse-image 19477042 dam="1" original_size="480x270" caption="GIF from "Queer Eye."" expand=1]GIF from "Queer Eye."

... but nontoxic!

These guys are physically fit, very strong, healthy, sexually expressive, and socially confident. They travel in a bro posse and Bobby Berk rebuilds entire suburban homes in, like, 20 minutes, nbd.

[rebelmouse-image 19477043 dam="1" original_size="480x270" caption="GIF from "Queer Eye."" expand=1]GIF from "Queer Eye."

They're also empathetic, physically affectionate, emotionally available and vulnerable, supportive, verbally kind, and tender in a way that risks something.

When they express their love or support for the men they're making over, they're risking being rejected, but they do it anyway. It's incredibly beautiful to see.

3. Lin-Manuel Miranda

He's masculine ...

[rebelmouse-image 19477044 dam="1" original_size="245x155" caption="GIF from "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."" expand=1]GIF from "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."

... but nontoxic!

Rich, powerful, and successful, Lin-Manuel, creator of "Hamilton: An American Musical," is a rapper from NYC, a father of two, and a certified genius.

[rebelmouse-image 19477045 dam="1" original_size="480x260" caption="GIF from "The 2016 Tony Awards."" expand=1]GIF from "The 2016 Tony Awards."

Dude, you can't find a clip or a tweet of this guy not feeling all the feelings. He cries more than I do. He's emotionally accessible, loving, inclusive, positive, gentle, creative.

He sings and dances. He tweets about his wife and kids with so much tenderness. His family is a source of joy and humor, but never his punchline.

4. Chris Evans/Captain America

He's masculine ...

[rebelmouse-image 19477046 dam="1" original_size="245x356" caption="GIF from "Avengers: Age of Ultron."" expand=1]GIF from "Avengers: Age of Ultron."

(Uhh ... no explanation necessary.)

... but nontoxic!

[rebelmouse-image 19477047 dam="1" original_size="245x200" caption="GIF from "The Hollywood Reporter."" expand=1]GIF from "The Hollywood Reporter."

Captain America is a principled, sensitive, deeply empathetic former dweeb whose years of experience on the bottom of other people's shoes has given him the ability to use respect and kindness as a means of human connection rather than social currency to purchase his own domination.

Chris Evans recently spoke to an interviewer about playing a total dick in a show on Broadway, and he did exactly what a nontoxic male ally should do: acknowledge that it's hard to learn and emphasize the importance of shutting the hell up when it's not your turn to talk.

And so many more!

Mr. Rogers. Barack Obama. The coach from "Friday Night Lights."

Guys, you don't have to look to pro athletes who beat up their wives and girlfriends, you don't have to admire homophobes, and you don't have to follow your grandpa's rules anymore.

It's 2018! Come with me into the future, where the expression "like a man" doesn't mean hard, violent, stony, carnivorous.

Join Terry, Lin-Manuel, and so many others, and be a man who is strong, brave, kind, good, sweet, gentle, sad, weepy, fearful.

Be human, is what I'm saying.

Your full humanity is available to you. Right now. Your identity as a man is inextricably linked to the full breadth of your human experience. You just have to be willing to let it out.

Your worth isn't dependent on being stronger than everyone else in the room. You're the person who decides its volume, its integrity. It's been there since you were born and it'll be there when you gather your grandson in your arms and say, "It's OK to cry. I cry, too."

Choose nontoxic masculinity.

It exists. Some pretty kickass guys are rocking it really hard — right in front of you.

This story originally appeared on The Good Men Project and is reprinted here with permission.

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Internet

A nail salon made an ad so funny that people are taking road trips just for a manicure

Nailed it.

Representative photos by Wonderlane|Flickr and Aris Leoven|Canva

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there and, without word of mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, though, many businesses have pages where they can advertise their services without having to spend a lot of money on traditional marketing practices like television, billboards, and radio. Doing their marketing using pictures and videos of their amazing work can help keep a steady flow of customers coming—but one Canadian nail salon is going with a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails in Toronto, Canada is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video takes the beginnings of several viral video clips but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in completing the viral moment in hilarious different ways.

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears laid out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, manicure, henry's pro nails, adsRihanna Nails GIFGiphy

In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this is one is without a doubt his most popular—and effective.

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours and its only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately made all other places disappointing and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.

To keep up with demand, in late October 2024 Henry's announced another location was coming soon in Vaughan, Ontario. Though there's no word on when the new "more spacious and professional facility" is opening just yet, customers can keep an eye out for Henry's next ad on social media.

It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what gets them to come back. If you're ever in Toronto (or Vaughan!) and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Love Stories

WW2 lovers were separated after a blind date cut short, so she drew a map of where to find her

Their unbelievable love story was recorded in hundreds of love letters found by their grandson.

@crewdoyle/TikTok

Where can we watch this movie?

There’s just something about romance stories from WWII that feel like they all belong on the big screen. Looking back on a time of so much urgency and impermanence, those fleeting moments of connection seem even more poignant. It’s truly a testament to the power of love itself, and its ability to withstand even the most unimaginable strife and conflict.

Many of us might carry the love stories of our own parents and grandparents from his era, but for those that don’t, read on. And honestly, even those that do will want to hear this touching tale.

In a truly tear-jerking series posted to TikTok, Drew Coyle shared how he discovered hundreds of heartfelt letters sent by his grandmother Helen to his grandfather Bill, which chronicle their epic love story—from a brief, yet potent blind date, to a promise that took years to fulfill.

@crewdoyle The start of a WW2 love story - Mañana: A Pacific Romance
♬ Last Hope (Over Slowed + Reverb) - Steve Ralph

Bill and Helen first met on December 7, 1944 while both were stationed in the Phillipines— Bill, a traveling sailor, and Hellen, volunteering as a Red Cross "doughnut girl.” That night, enough sparks flew on the dance floor that they made a promise to see each other the next morning. Or as they called it, their “mañana.”


ww2 stories, ww2 romance, ww2 romance novel, ww2 history, ww2 letters, love letters, love stories, romanceA photo of Helen and Bill in their uniformsImages provided by Drew Coyle

But keeping that mañana promise, as it turned out, wouldn’t be so easy. Helen was unexpectedly relocated to Guam the next day, where she stayed in a hut without a telephone, and any messages left at the front desk didn’t always get transferred to their recipient. Still, the young woman was determined to maintain their connection through the letters.

Below are some of the deeply poetic words she wrote in letter #75, which would end up being particularly pivotal in their love story.

@crewdoyle A lonely girl draws him a map 😭
♬ Peaceful Sincerity - Pemancing Biru


“We’re in this together, my dearest…we’re moving forward, hand in hand…haven’t we already proven to our own satisfaction that we walk in the same path at the same speed with the same reactions? And haven’t we already found that there’s a kiss at the end of the walk?

I’m more content than I’ve been in ages…I feel as if I were on the brink of one of life’s greatest adventures, and it is in my nature to be eager when something new and strange and powerful presents itself.

‘Wishing will make it so’ has become my theme song ever since yesterday when I learned it was yours with two of us wishing it will be so. I am reminded of the words of a man I once knew. He insisted that two people were stronger than anything, stronger than one, or three, or five people. Perhaps he was right, let's make it so and prove the point.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Helen assured Bill that though they were apart, that he “needn’t worry” about any dancing partners stealing her away on the new island, because “they’re always you,” and urged him to “not give up” on finding her.

She even drew him a map detailing where she was located. It just so happened to include a nearby chapel.

ww2 stories, ww2 romance, ww2 romance novel, ww2 history, ww2 letters, love letters, love stories, romanceThe map provided by Helen to Bill@crewdoyle/TikTok

To think, without that letter, their story might have been cut short. But clearly it worked, because here we have their grandson retelling the story 80 years later. As Coyle wrote on his website, “Helen's innocent act to initiate correspondence caused a ripple effect that would change not only their lives, but lead to me.”

ww2 stories, ww2 romance, ww2 romance novel, ww2 history, ww2 letters, love letters, love stories, romanceHelen and Bill, happy and and content, and oh so in love. Image from Drew Coyle

Passionate to spread their story even further, Coyle created a coffee table book, aptly named Mañana: A Pacific Romance, which you can pre-order here.

In a time of online dating, text messaging, and seemingly very little time to get beyond a “love you honey,” this feels especially heartwarming. What would happen if we engaged in just a portion of thoughtful loving expressions as Helen and Bill had? Would we too feel as though our partnerships were fated? Is this type of romance purely a product of the time period, and something we’d never be able to replicate in a world of modern convenience? These are all ponderous questions without answer, but one thing feels crystal clear: love is indeed a great adventure, if we choose to answer the call.

Follow Drew Coyle on TikTok to hear him read even more of those wonderful letters.

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Animals & Wildlife

Why have we domesticated some animals but not others? It comes down to four F's.

An entertaining video explains why we can't ride zebras or breed "war bears."

Photo credit: Canva

Horses were domesticated over 5,000 years ago. Zebras, never.

Humans have domesticated several kinds of animals over the millennia, from trusty horses and mules to livestock for milk and meat to our favorite furry companions. But why those specific animals and not others? What is it that led us to those particular choices? Why can we ride horses but not zebras? Why don't we purposefully breed "war bears" to fight for us?

That last question comes straight from the always-interesting and often-hilarious CGP Grey, whose YouTube videos explore all kinds of things we wonder about but don't necessarily take the time to research. In the video "Why Some Animals Can't Be Domesticated," Grey explains the four main elements that make an animal a good candidate for domestication, which excludes bears (and many others) from the list.

Grey alliterated the four elements to make them easier to remember: Friendly, Feedable, Fecund, and Family-Friendly. Let's dig into what those mean.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Domestication requirement #1: Friendly

This one is fairly self-explanatory, but basically an animal has to not post an inherent, immediate threat. We have to be able to catch them if we're going to domesticate them, so that eliminates all of the "carnivores whose day job is murder" as Grey puts it, as well as the large, nervous prey animals that are too afraid of us to let us get anywhere near them.

wild animals, domesticated animals, gazelleGood luck trying to catch a gazelle.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #2: Feedable

Every animals is feedable, of course, but that doesn't mean it's easy or cheap to feed them, especially in large numbers. This category pretty much eliminates pure carnivores and some omnivores, leaving mostly herbivores (and some unpicky omnivores) that are easy and cheap to feed. And that aren't dangerous (see #1).

wild animals, domesticated animals, chickens, chicken feedChickens will eat just about anything.Photo credit: Canva

Domestication requirement #3: Fecund

This requirement is all about breeding and babies. Some animals are extremely slow to breed, like pandas and elephants, making them undesirable candidates for domestication. Animals that have mate frequently and have relatively short gestation times and/or large litters are more suited to domesticated life. They also need to grow up quickly, which also takes elephants out of the pool.

However, as Grey points out, humans can still tame other animals like elephants. But taming is not the same as domesticating. The basic rule is: If it's on a farm, it's domesticated. If it's in a circus, it's tamed.

Domestication requirement #4: Family-friendly

This is where the horses and zebras question comes in. Horses were domesticated in Eurasia, but if humans started in Africa, why weren't zebras domesticated first? Grey explains that while horses tend to live in hierarchical herds, zebra are more independent with no family structure. Humans can capture the lead male horse and get the rest of the herd to fall in line. Zebra herds are more of a free-for-all and they're kind of jerks to even one another.

horses, zebras, domesticated animals, wild animalsThere's actually a big difference between horses and zebras besides just the stripes.Photo credit: Canva

Barnyard animals have inherent family structures that humans have figured out how to fit into. These animals learn to see the humans who own them as a lead cow or top chicken or whatever.

Way back in the hunter-gatherer age, when humans were just figuring out animal domestication, animals had to have all four of these requirements. Today, we have the ability and technology to domesticate more animals if we want to, but we also have less of a need to. Some breeds of foxes have recently been domesticated, bred to be friendly with humans. How fun would it be to have a pet fox?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Technically, a lot more animals could be domesticated if people really wanted to put in multiple human lifetimes of time and effort, but why?

You can follow CGP Grey on YouTube for more fun and informative videos.

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Education

Grandma shares her must-have device for safe traveling, especially for folks with kids

The grandmother and pediatrician said, “I don’t go to any Airbnb or hotel without it."

Photo credit: Canva

A pretty easy and inexpensive travel tips that could save your life

There have been numerous reports of people dying from carbon monoxide poisoning while on vacation, including the teenage son of former New York Yankees outfielder Brett Gardner, whose carbon monoxide test showed a saturation level of 64%, well over what's considered lethal.

The main culprit behind these tragedies is a lack of regulation. Airbnb announced back in 2014—a few months after the short-term rental company faced one of its first reported carbon monoxide-related deaths—that it would require hosts to confirm each of their listings had carbon monoxide detectors installed. However, NBC News reported in 2023 that no such mandate has actually been instilled. Hotels don’t seem to fare much better, since not all require that carbon monoxide detectors are installed.

So, on top of the stresses of airplane travel, people also have this to worry about…which can obviously drain the joy of travel altogether.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

But one grandma (and a pediatrician, to boot) has a simple, yet powerful tip for taking safety into your own hands…literally.

In a video posted to her @Ask.Bubbie TikTok account, Florence Rosen explained why she swears by using a portable carbon monoxide detector, saying “I don’t go to any Airbnb or hotel without it because I don’t trust the carbon monoxide detectors [there] are actually kept in good repair.”

Rosen clearly wasn’t the only one to have discovered this travel hack. One person wrote, “my mom was crazy about ours growing up and now that I’m an adult, I am too.”

@ask.bubbie Could save lives!
♬ original sound - Ask Bubbie



Another echoed, “I haven’t traveled without it…ever. US or international.”

A travel agent also chimed in, saying, “I tell all my clients to pack one and we always take one with us to hotels. So important!”

A few showed concern as to whether or not could travel via carry-on, or if it needed to be checked. Travel site AFAR media says airlines allow them in both carry-on and checked bags, but if you have a device that uses lithium batteries, those would have to be removed.

Ranging from $30-$40ish bucks on Amazon, it seems a small price to pay for peace of mind, especially if you’re traveling with kiddos, or are pregnant. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), infants and children have an “increased susceptibility to CO toxicity” because of their higher metabolic rates, with fetuses being “especially vulnerable.”

carbon monoxide at airbnb, carbon monoxide at hotel, carbon monoxide poisoning, carbon monoxide detector, travel, travel tipsA photo of a portable carbon monoxide detector from Amazonm.media-amazon.com

The scariest thing about carbon monoxide is that it’s a silent, odorless killer. Combine that with the fact that with a hotel or Airbnb, you have no idea if precautions are being taken to make sure fuel-burning appliances, such as boilers, furnaces, pool heaters, fireplaces, or water heaters are properly maintained, or that the rooms which contained them are properly vented. Any of these items, when not taken care of, can lead to carbon monoxide poisoning. And you’d never know it.

Thankfully, while there should definitely be wider efforts being made to ensure his doesn’t happen, we can take matters into our own hands a little.

Follow Ask Bubbie for even more helpful tips.

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Community

Chef shares 100 life-changing cooking hacks he learned from working in restaurants

Some of these tips are so simple but oh-so-helpful.

Photo credit: Canva

You learn a lot about cooking when you work in restaurants.

Some people love cooking, some people hate it, and some see it as something to do so they don't starve. While the art and joy of cooking may be lost on some people, those who do enjoy it tend to have some secrets up their sleeves that might help the rest of us find the kitchen a more pleasant place to work.

Joshua Weissman is one of those people who loved cooking since he began cooking alongside his mother at age 3. He has since made a name for himself as a cookbook author, fine dining chef, and food educator with a huge following on YouTube. In one of his most popular videos, he shares 100 food hacks he learned working in restaurants, and there are so many gems that can make cooking easier, faster, and more fun.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Here are some of the highlights:

Hack #1 - Washing produce with vinegar to make it last longer

Take three parts water and one part vinegar, add produce, swish, and let sit for 2-5 minutes. Drain, rinse, pat dry, and then store in the fridge.

Hack #4 - Peeling lots of garlic

He shares the bowl trick, where you put a bunch of unpeeled garlic cloves in a bowl, place a same-sized bowl upside down on top of it and shake vigorously. Theoretically, this peels all the garlic, but inevitably, it really only peels about half. Put some warm water over the ones that haven't peeled and let them sit for two minutes—the peel should then slide off easily.

Hack #5 - Bruise those fresh herbs before cooking

Before adding fresh herbs to a soup or sauce, give them a fierce squeeze in your hand to "bruise" them. This will release twice as much flavor, especially if you add them toward the end.

Hack #13 - Perfectly peeled eggs

We've all mangled a hard-boiled egg before. Weissman says to lightly crack your boiled egg, then roll it around and around on a hard surface until there are lots of tiny cracks, then submerge the egg in a bowl of water and peel under the water.

Hack #28 - Potato masher ground beef

That's it. Use a potato masher to smoosh your ground beef to break up all the big chunks. Works way better than a spoon or fork.

Hack #33 - Season high

High as in way above. Put the seasoning (salt, pepper, whatever) in your fingers and sprinkle it from a foot or so above the meat or whatever you're seasoning. This ensures the most even, maximum surface area seasoning.

Hack #45 - Peel ginger with a spoon

Instead of a peeler, which may take more of the ginger than you want it to, scrape ginger with the curved edge of a spoon. The spoon also makes it way easier to get around the little nubs and curves of the ginger root.

Hack #60 - Extend the life of fresh herbs that are going ick

If you have fresh herbs that are starting to go, wrap some string tightly around the end of the bunch and hang it somewhere with a little draft. They'll dry out and have a much longer life.

Hack #76 - Up your cooked veggie game

People often wonder how restaurants manage to get their cooked vegetables to taste so good. Weissman says it's quite simple— salt, lemon juice, and olive oil. Toss the veggies with them. That's it. "You'd be shocked how much that changes a finished cooked vegetable," he says.

Hack #81 - Make it easier to grate soft cheeses

Soft cheese like mozzarella or gouda can be hard to grate without making a gunky mess. But if you put the into the freezer for 15-30 minutes before grating. So much easier.

Hack #97 - For fluffy biscuits, it's all about how you cut the butter

Weissman says fluffy biscuits usually come down to how big your butter chunks are, and that people usually cut their butter into too small of chunks. Big cubes before cutting them into the dough and letting it be chunky will help you get the flakiness you desire.

There are so many more in Weissman's list of 100 that are helpful and useful for home cooks to know. (Especially if you cook a lot of meat or sauces—quite a few tips for those things in there.) Hopefully these hacks will make cooking a bit easier and more enjoyable for everyone.

You can follow Joshua Weissman on YouTube.


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