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People were challenged to share the last time they 'achieved' something outside of work

If it's been a while, here are some examples to inspire you and give your mental health a big boost.

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Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

There's a fascinating idea in psychology called "enmeshment." Essentially, it's when two people or things mesh together, the boundaries between them becoming blurred.

This can happen in families, romantic relationships, and even your career! People who work long hours or have demanding careers can be at risk of losing sight of their independent sense of self. They can almost literally forget that they have an identity outside of work. It can happen in school, too, for people who are overly driven by academic achievement.

It should go without saying, but this is generally a bad thing. Enmeshment in career or academics can lead to anxiety, depression, and have adverse effects on your relationships.

Plus, it's just no fun. All work and no play...

A recent thread on AskReddit challenged this phenomenon with the question: What is your biggest non-academic, non work-related accomplishment?

If you're like me, you probably had to stop and think for a minute before coming up with something. Which should maybe be a warning sign that we could all use a little more balance.

Some of the non-work accomplishments people shared were staggering.

A few superhumans among us found time to run marathons and otherwise push the limits of what humans can achieve.

All while holding down schoolwork and jobs!

man on top of the mountain during daytime Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash

I'm not sure it counts as an accomplishment, but I bicycled across the US from Bar Harbor, Maine to Seattle, Washington - cochese25

My eldest child was diagnosed with classic autism when he was 18 months old. My ex husband and I were told he would never talk, never walk and never toilet himself it was so severe. 16 years later after utilising all therapy and taking years off work focusing on him. He is off to university next year on a full scholarship studying bio-medical science and physics. I am so proud of the work we did together to get him here. - notjustanotherdino

Hiking all 2,356 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail - jebrennan

I transitioned from female to male. 3 years later I’m still so happy that I did that for myself. - eclecticevergreen

My band supported Everclear and we played a great show to a full house in Australia - just_yall

But, if you ask me, the tiny goals people shared were even more inspiring.

Almost everywhere you look, there's an opportunity to do something just for you.

person holding jigsaw puzzle piece Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

Learning how to swim as an adult. It took me about 6 months to learn and I'm now able to swim confidently in the pool. - moon_jewel90

Over 300 days in a row of at least 10 minutes of meditation. - fast-artichoke-7512

That my wife and I have been married for over 30 years and she hasn't killed me yet. - dreadpirategriswold

Some of the achievements were really, really small.

I have 3 subscribers on youtube :) - armadillo_active

Completed a 5000 piece puzzle. - ritaredditonce

But, hey, they still count!

How to come up with goals to pursue outside of work and school

As we can see, it could be anything, big or small. Any achievement at all that you can make time for is worth being proud of — and is a great investment in your mental wellness.

But "anything" is an overwhelming concept. So here's somewhere to start.

Jeffrey Davis, a workplace culture expert, suggests a framework called LOW goals — Life Outside of Work.

He writes that the best goals are "down-to-earth, grounded, and achievable" and advises to start with ideas that are based on:

  • Connection
  • Openness & Creativity
  • or Curiosity
You could also try pushing yourself physically (getting to the gym) or mentally (solo-ing the New York Times crossword puzzle).

And remember, there's no Win too small to count!

Whatever you do, it's important to think about what brings you happiness and what your values are, and then come up with a way to better live those values. That's how a strong sense of self is created.

While the average American technically works fewer hours than we did several decades ago, we're rarely fully unplugged. Finding time to pursue our goals and hobbies without distraction is harder to come by than ever, which also means it's never been more important.

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Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids.

The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase:

"When are you bringing them over?"

Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Education

Teacher working at IHOP got a $2,000 tip. Her reaction is why teachers deserve better pay.

Her first thought was for her students…

Representative photo credit: Canva

Teachers shouldn't have to work two jobs.

It's been said a million times but bears repeating until it comes true: Teachers deserve to be paid well. Not just enough to get by or even a decent salary, but a lot. Surgeon-level salaries. Engineer-level salaries. Unless you've experienced first-hand what it takes to manage 25 or 30 of immature human beings and engage them in productive learning all day, you probably have no idea. Teaching is one of the hardest jobs there is and arguably one of the most important for the future of humanity.

And yet, many teachers end up working second jobs because their teacher salary doesn't pay enough. Countless educators wait tables or deliver pizzas or take on other part-time work on evenings and weekends to fill in the gaps.

So when Twitch streamers Emily and Emiru found out their friendly server at International House of Pancakes was a teacher, they decided to do something extra special and give her a large tip.

The server, Brenda, was all dressed up for Halloween and she explained that her school had had a party for the students that day. The streamers told her she looked great, but privately expressed concern about her working a second job after teaching all day.

"That makes me sad, she's a teacher and she has to work at night at IHOP," Emiru said. "Let's give her a really big tip."

@extraemily

Emiru and ExtraEmily left her a $2000 tip #extraemily #extraemilyclips #otk #otkteam #emiru #emiruclips #waitress #thousanddollars

They were live streaming at the time and people in the chat started adding money to their tip, which quickly added up to $2,000. The girls helped Brenda get set up on Venmo, then sent the tip electronically with a note that said, "THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST HALLOWEEN SPIRIT EVER [HEART EMOJI] W BRENDA."

When Brenda saw the tip amount, her jaw dropped in disbelief. She called it "a blessing" and hugged the girls, saying, "My students will thank you so much!" After Emily and Emiru told her she deserved it, she added, "I'll be able to do a lot for my kids. They're so precious. I'm grandma to so many kids." She said she was thinking of her favorite student and what she was going to be able to do for them for Christmas.

That reaction right there is why teachers deserve to be paid a salary they can thrive on. The first thing she thought of was her students and how they will benefit from this money, not her.

People have reacted with well-deserved praise for Brenda's selflessness, gratitude to Emily and Emiru for arranging the generous tip, and dismay at how dystopian it is for teachers to have to work two jobs while people donate to them through online streamers. Celebrating the human kindness on display while also lamenting the reality of what we're looking at has become such a common occurrence when it comes to helping teachers out. We have teachers pouring their own limited money into their classrooms. We have events where teachers "win" money for their schools. We have crowdfunding campaigns for school supplies—all in one of the richest countries on Earth.

We can rail about that all day long, but unless we elect legislators who value public education and value what teachers do, things aren't going to change on the compensation front as much as they should. That's a long game, though, so in the meantime, these kinds of gestures can make a real difference in the life of an individual teacher. Kudos to Emily and Emiru for making this humble teacher's day.

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Popular

A seemingly simple Final Jeopardy question stumped all three contestants in 1984

It was only Alex Trebek's second day on the job when all three contestants gave the same wrong answer and all ended up with $0 .

Representative photo by Rosemaryetoufee

"Jeopardy!" is one of the most popular trivia shows in the world.

The popular game show "Jeopardy!" originated in 1964, and for six decades it has stumped contestants and viewers with tough trivia questions and answers (or answers and questions, to be more accurate). Competing on "Jeopardy!" is practically synonymous with being a smartypants, and champions win lifelong bragging rights along with whatever monetary winnings they end up taking home.

To win "Jeopardy!," you place a wager in the Final Jeopardy round with whatever money you've collected through the first two rounds. All three contestants write down their wagers based solely on the category given, then they have 30 seconds to write down the question for the same answer after it's revealed. Very rarely do all three contestants get the Final Jeopardy wrong.

But in 1984, on Alex Trebek's second day hosting the show, a deceptively simple Final Jeopardy answer answer resulted in all three contestants making the same wrong guess and ending the round with $0 each.

The category was "The Calendar," and after the contestants placed their bets, the answer was revealed: "Calendar date with which the 20th century began."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The 20th century was the 1900s, as most of us are aware, and all three contestants wrote down identical responses: "What is January 1, 1900?" But they were all incorrect. And unfortunately, all three had wagered their entire amount, leaving them with nothing across the board.

"Oh, I don't believe it!" exclaimed one of the contestants as they all laughed at the absurdity. "I'm at a loss for words," said Trebek.

A member of the audience asked what the correct answer–or question— was, and Trebek shared that the correct response would have been "What is January 1, 1901?"

If that seems confusing, it's probably because we all made a huge deal about the year 2000, marking it as the end of the 21st century as well as the turn of the millennium. But basically, we were wrong. Some people did point it out at the time, but the excitement and momentum of celebrating Y2K had us all in a frenzy and no one was going to wait until January 1, 2001 to celebrate the new millennium.

Why should we have? It all comes down to the fact that in the Gregorian calendar the first year wasn't 0 A.D., it was 1 A.D. The first century spanned from 1 to 100 A.D., the second century from 101 to 200 A.D. and so on, leading up to the 20th century officially being from 1901 to 2000. So January 1, 1901 is actually the date that the 20th century began, despite how unituitive it feels.

To be fair, you'd think a "Jeopardy!" contestant might recognize that the question seemed awfully simple for a Final Jeopardy round, but only having 30 seconds to think under pressure is tough. And it's not like these people lived in the internet era where random trivia questions like this regularly go viral, making us more aware of them. And this episode aired over a decade before the "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry explains the "no year zero" thing to Newman, who had planned a millennium party.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

As one person pointed out, the calendar answer is technically correct, but it's not the way the average person thinks of centuries, just as a tomato is technically fruit but the average person thinks of it (and uses it) as a vegetable. Even though there were some sticklers about the year 2000, most of us just went along with seeing it as the turn of the millennium because it felt like that's how it should be. It's kind of wild how most of us can think of something incorrectly but we just sort of collectively accept our wrongness about it.

The 1984 episode has been making the viral rounds, prompting people to share how much they miss Alex Trebek. The beloved, long-time "Jeopardy!" host died in 2020 at age 80 after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer. He worked up until the point where he couldn't anymore, even while undergoing chemotherapy. His final episode included a touching tribute honoring his 37 seasons with the game show, the end of an illustrious and iconic era.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

trivia
Innovation

A small boat made by middle schoolers sailed across the ocean all the way to Norway

This is pretty much the coolest school project ever.

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The Rye Riptide washed up on the shores of Norway.

This story brings a whole new meaning to the word friendship.

In October 2020, the middle schoolers of Rye Junior High, in Rye, New Hampshire, bid a bon voyage to their handmade mini-boat, which set sail off the coast of New Hampshire to who-knows-where.

Measuring only 5.5 feet, the “Rye Riptides” was indeed a small ship. It ran crewless, but carried a bountiful cargo of colorful artwork made by students, along with a GPS tracking device that reported the boat’s location … sometimes.

Cut to 462 days and 8,300 miles later, and what started out as a simple science project became a surprise discovery for some Norwegian sixth graders, and a fun new connection across the Atlantic.

Rye Junior High had partnered with Educational Passages, a nonprofit organization that aims to connect students around the world to the ocean and each other. Once the kit arrived, the kids started building while learning about ocean currents, science and math. However, science teacher Sheila Adams shares that the more artistic, right-brained activities equally found their way into the curriculum. “The students needed to use their writing skills to inform others about their mini-boat project, describe our school and town to people of other languages, just in case, and write requests to get the boat deployed,” she said in a release.

…not me feeling jealous of some middle schoolers right now…

COVID-19 nearly threatened to knock the Rye Riptides off its course. The boat had been constructed, but not yet decorated, when students were moved to taking class online. Then, there was the matter of launching the boat. Which Cassie Stymiest, director of Educational Passages, noted was “challenging with all the restrictions in place.” Luckily, creativity, resourcefulness and a little technology saved the day. Working remotely, each piece of art was done at home, then scanned, printed and made into a collage. Then, Ms. Stymiest connected with the Sea Education Association (SEA), which set the Rye Riptides on its journey.

Seriously, my inner child is geeking out with this stuff.

Would the boat make it to Europe? Rye student Solstice Reed wasn’t so sure. “Honestly, I thought it would sink,” she admitted to the Portsmouth Herald. Considering the boat was cruising the ocean waters during hurricane season, the skepticism was well-founded. During the more tumultuous periods, the GPS signal only came in intermittently. And for a long while, there was nothing but radio silence.

But then, at long last, on the small Norwegian island of Smøla, the Rye Riptides successfully made it to dry land. Sure, it was a bit dismantled and covered in barnacles, but inside, all the adorable trinkets remained intact. The Smøla students peered with wonder into their bounty of photos, signed facemasks, fall leaves, acorns and state quarters, gifts sent out almost two years ago.

The voyage of the small boat has gone viral in a big way, sailing across social media, and making headlines. And now, Educational Passages plans on facilitating video meet-ups between Rye Junior High and the school in Norway, “to continue building this new relationship to learn from each other and about the shared Atlantic Ocean between them.” Plus, NPR reports, the students of Smøla would be writing a letter to their new American friends.

Human connection found its way across the sea in the most wholesome and magical way. It’s really cool to see that educational programs like this exist, impacting both the hearts and minds of young students. Mission, successful.


This article originally appeared on 2.22.22

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Motherhood

Mom admits she isn't perfect in a hilarious 'back-to-school’ sign she made for herself

She was done before the first day even started.

via Pexels

First day of school can be exhausting … but for who?

It’s back-to-school time and that means new school supplies, a trip to Target for clothes and social media channels flooded with photos of kids holding chalkboards. Over the past decade, back-to-school photos with kids standing on their doorsteps with signs with their name, grade, year and teacher have been ubiquitous on social media.

There’s nothing wrong with the photos, they’re a cute way for parents and kids to mark the passage of time. For most parents, it’s a way to remember that it all goes by way too fast.

However, for the “perfect” parents out there who like to flaunt their Instagrammable lifestyle, they’re another way to show off their “flawless” first days on social media.

In an attempt to show parents they don't have to fall for the myth of perfection on social media, Jeni Bukolt—a mother of two boys age 8 and 12 from Waxhaw, North Carolina—posted a first-day photo of herself looking burnt out and wearing sunglasses. School hadn’t even begun yet.

"Mom's first day of school,” the handmade sign read. "I am 42 years tired. I'll probably miss a school 'theme' day. I really like sleep. Please don't ask me to volunteer. But I will buy you supplies."

"I make signs for my kids each year but lately I've thought about how I always feel behind, as though I'm failing (in some way)," Bukolt told Today. Clearly, other parents feel the same because it was a hit with a lot of them on Instagram.

A lot of comments were from parents who thought the photo was a breath of fresh air during a stressful time of year. "Brilliant, you speak for millions!" cathycole wrote. "May we all survive the drop off/pick up lane," merakifitnessandpole added.

"I thought maybe if I can create a lighthearted moment, some other moms will laugh and understand we're all in this kind of struggle together. Like, let's have empathy for each other," Bukolt told Good Morning America.

Bukolt hopes her post builds an “empathy bridge” between parents. She’d also like to shine a little reality on the parents who feel judged on social media.

"I also feel like when you look at social media, there's all these, [picture perfect] worlds,” she added. “It's not the true story. And some people think like, 'Oh, they have it better or they're perfect,' and this is an opportunity to say no, we're all real human beings ... we're all in the struggle together."

But of course, there were some humorless parents who thought her post wasn’t supportive of teachers or her two sons. So Bukolt made a follow-up where she explained that she was just having fun.

“For the keyboard warriors… yes I do have a job, yes I love my kids and no, I don’t hate teachers. Back to work. Have a great day!” she wrote.

Parenting is hard and we all fall short of glory at times. Kudos to Bukolt for making us feel a little less alone and letting us know that some folks have already accepted their imperfections on the first day.

"If other moms can get a good laugh about it, then that makes my heart happy," she said.


This article originally appeared on 9.2.22

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