There's a fascinating idea in psychology called "enmeshment." Essentially, it's when two people or things mesh together, the boundaries between them becoming blurred.
This can happen in families, romantic relationships, and even your career! People who work long hours or have demanding careers can be at risk of losing sight of their independent sense of self. They can almost literally forget that they have an identity outside of work. It can happen in school, too, for people who are overly driven by academic achievement.
It should go without saying, but this is generally a bad thing. Enmeshment in career or academics can lead to anxiety, depression, and have adverse effects on your relationships.
Plus, it's just no fun. All work and no play...
A recent thread on AskReddit challenged this phenomenon with the question: What is your biggest non-academic, non work-related accomplishment?
If you're like me, you probably had to stop and think for a minute before coming up with something. Which should maybe be a warning sign that we could all use a little more balance.
Some of the non-work accomplishments people shared were staggering.
A few superhumans among us found time to run marathons and otherwise push the limits of what humans can achieve.
All while holding down schoolwork and jobs!
Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash
I'm not sure it counts as an accomplishment, but I bicycled across the US from Bar Harbor, Maine to Seattle, Washington - cochese25
My eldest child was diagnosed with classic autism when he was 18 months old. My ex husband and I were told he would never talk, never walk and never toilet himself it was so severe. 16 years later after utilising all therapy and taking years off work focusing on him. He is off to university next year on a full scholarship studying bio-medical science and physics. I am so proud of the work we did together to get him here. - notjustanotherdino
Hiking all 2,356 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail - jebrennan
I transitioned from female to male. 3 years later I’m still so happy that I did that for myself. - eclecticevergreen
My band supported Everclear and we played a great show to a full house in Australia - just_yall
But, if you ask me, the tiny goals people shared were even more inspiring.
Almost everywhere you look, there's an opportunity to do something just for you.
Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash
Learning how to swim as an adult. It took me about 6 months to learn and I'm now able to swim confidently in the pool. - moon_jewel90
Over 300 days in a row of at least 10 minutes of meditation. - fast-artichoke-7512
That my wife and I have been married for over 30 years and she hasn't killed me yet. - dreadpirategriswold
Some of the achievements were really, really small.
I have 3 subscribers on youtube :) - armadillo_active
Completed a 5000 piece puzzle. - ritaredditonce
But, hey, they still count!
How to come up with goals to pursue outside of work and school
As we can see, it could be anything, big or small. Any achievement at all that you can make time for is worth being proud of — and is a great investment in your mental wellness.
But "anything" is an overwhelming concept. So here's somewhere to start.
Jeffrey Davis, a workplace culture expert, suggests a framework called LOW goals — Life Outside of Work.
He writes that the best goals are "down-to-earth, grounded, and achievable" and advises to start with ideas that are based on:
- Connection
- Openness & Creativity
- or Curiosity
And remember, there's no Win too small to count!
Whatever you do, it's important to think about what brings you happiness and what your values are, and then come up with a way to better live those values. That's how a strong sense of self is created.
While the average American technically works fewer hours than we did several decades ago, we're rarely fully unplugged. Finding time to pursue our goals and hobbies without distraction is harder to come by than ever, which also means it's never been more important.
Beaver in water. Photo by 
An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River
Not just coworkers—family, friends, strangers, kids…
Imagine having to go so badly but being out of euros. 
Anything hobbit-esque can't be wrong. 
But what if you need pain meds AND mascara?!
Imagine how this would affect childcare.
Honestly…where's the lie?
A brown buddha statue sits near a green mountain. Photo by 
Urgent dash to the bathroom! 🚪🏃♂️
Ladybug unexpectedly found during colonoscopyPhoto credit: 
Close-up of bottom of ladybug found in colonPhoto credit: 
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."