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No one RSVP'd to this kid's birthday. Then some strangers showed up and made his day.

Joel had the coolest eighth birthday party ever.

Joel Restuccia was turning 8, and he wasn't sure how he wanted to celebrate.

He’s a quiet boy, and he told his stepmom, Nicole Restuccia, that all he wanted for his birthday on May 14 was to go hiking.

Nicole had to stay home with their 13-month-old, Clementine, but Joel got his wish and headed out for a long hike with his dad and grandma in New York’s Minnewaska State Park.


Meanwhile, his stepmom was plotting a surprise party.

“I always make birthdays a big deal,” Nicole says. “It’s the one day a year that is exclusively all about celebrating you.”

Joel and his stepmom have been close from day one, and she couldn’t stand the thought of not throwing a party for him. “The first time I ever met him, he came right over and snuggled up with me on the couch,” Nicole recalls. “From then on, he had my heart.”

Michael, Joel, Clementine, and Nicole Restuccia. Photo by Shannon Fisher, used with permission.

Nicole decided to throw a SWAT-themed surprise party for Joel so he could celebrate with his friends.

“All he talks about is SWAT and cops and anything related,” Nicole says. “He actually dressed up as a SWAT team member for halloween."

The party was set for a week later, and Nicole started inviting friends — in stealth mode, of course.

Joel on Halloween 2015. Photo by Nicole Restuccia, used with permission.

But as the party’s date grew closer, she started to worry that very few of the invitees had RSVP'd to the last-minute celebration.

So Nicole took to Facebook, asking parents in a local moms’ group to bring their kids and join in.

Shannon Fisher, who works at the Emergency Services Center, saw Nicole’s post and called for backup to rescue this birthday party in distress.

Shannon walked into the police department the next day and told them about Joel’s party. “It’s a SWAT-themed birthday party, but no one’s coming,” she said. The response was instant: “We are.”

Photo by Shannon Fisher, used with permission.

On the day of the party, 15 officers from the State Police, the NYPD, and the Sheriff's Office showed up for Joel’s party.

Almost 50 people — parents, kids, officers, and even a K-9 — gathered to celebrate Joel’s eighth birthday. The New Windsor community rallied to make sure one little boy knew how loved he is.

Photo by Shannon Fisher, used with permission.

“He was definitely surprised,” Nicole laughs, “and a little overwhelmed ... he didn’t say much at first.”

She says seeing the big crowd knocked the wind out of her, since she initially worried that no one would show up.

Before long, Joel took off to play with the 20 kids who showed up to what ended up being the coolest birthday party ever.

That night, Joel wouldn’t let go of all the patches and cards his surprise visitors had given him. The police squad even brought real SWAT gear for him to try on.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with them under his pillow,” laughs Nicole.

There are few things in life more magical than a child’s birthday party, but seeing a community show up like they did for Joel? You can’t beat that.

You’d better start planning his ninth birthday party now, Nicole, because this one will be hard to beat!

True

Vimbai Kapurura is the Executive Director of Women Unlimited, a grassroots women’s rights organization working to promote the rights and leadership of women, girls, and marginalized groups in Eswatini and southern Africa. With support from the Rapid Response Window of the United Nations Women’s Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF), she’s advocating to have more female voices in national peace building spaces to ensure women’s rights and demands are included.

“Women are peacebuilders. We are peacemakers. We have a critical role to play in crisis situations and we are very much better placed to play a peacebuilding role in any country.”

In the face of the growing political turmoil in Eswatini, where calls for the establishment of a national dialogue remain seemingly unanswered, Vimbai and her organization are stepping up, raising their voice and bringing forward innovative solutions to promote peace and stability across the country. WPHF is supporting them to amplify women’s voices and mainstream gender perspectives into relevant decision-making mechanisms.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“We are the cradle of life. We are changemakers, movers, shakers of any area of development. We want to be engaged and involved in any area of the value chain, the complete value chain. We want to be there.”

As part of its project with WPHF, Women Unlimited – with technical support from Cordaid, one of the INGO partners of the RRW – has trained several local women-led civil society organizations in conflict resolution, conflict prevention and mediation processes, as well as carried out educational and awareness raising campaigns on the value of women’s participation in peace processes, targeting both women and men across the country.

“WPHF has really helped us a lot. Not only has the funding allowed us to engage more women in peacebuilding processes, but it’s also supported us to underscore the need for female leadership in these spaces, where we’re often left aside.”

In Eswatini, where women and girls face deep-rooted patriarchy from a very young age, undermining their confidence, autonomy and leadership, Vimbai has become an outspoken advocate for women’s equal representation in decision-making roles at all levels, from community-level and regional committees to national and global peace building spaces.

“If you gather many women toward on common goal, you are guaranteed that that goal is going to be achieved. Let us come together and be the change we want to see. No one will do it for us. But together, we can.”

A tireless leader and activist who’s influenced the lives of many women and girls in Eswatini, Vimbai is a firm believer in women’s capacity, tenacity, and adaptability to lead and drive transformative change in their communities. When she thinks about peace, she dreams about women coming together, taking up space, and walking side by side for a more peaceful and gender-equal world in which harmful stereotypes and cultural practices are left behind.

Follow, engage, and amplify the work of Vimbai's organization!

Pop Culture

Fans applaud Sabrina Carpenter's sweet response to a joke Dolly Parton made about aging

“If we treated older women like this more often maybe younger women would be less petrified of aging."

Kristopher Harris/Wikipedia,Condé Nast/Wikipedia

Dolly Parton (left) Sabrina Carpenter (right)

Fans are applauding Sabrina Carpenter for the incredibly sweet moment she shared with one of her biggest idols—the one and only Dolly Parton. The two were recently out promoting a new duet version of Carpenter’s “Please Please Please,” which appeared on her new Short n’ Sweet album, when Parton made an innocent (yet all too familiar feeling) self-deprecating joke about aging.

As the two posed for the cameras, Parton referred to them as “befores and afters,” before quipping “You’ll be this old one day,” to Carpenter. Parton was obviously being lighthearted, but it’s hard not to feel a twinge of sadness when you really think about it. Because, generally speaking, growing older has been something women have been made to fear for, well, their entire lives. So “you’ll be this old one day” almost comes across as an ominous warning, even though that was not really the intention. And you half expect Carpenter to shudder in utter terror at the thought of it all.

But instead, Carpenter quickly replied, “I know, I can’t wait! I hope I look like you,” with such genuine enthusiasm, it really shook people. The complete absence of fear seemed to reflect a refreshing shift from previous attitudes about aging, and viewers took note of its significance.

One person even likened Carpenter to Greta Gerwig’s Barbie, referring to the iconic acne where the titular doll calls an older woman “beautiful.”


By and large, folks hoped that older generations of women would adopt this newfound perspective of celebrating their age rather than bemoaning it. As one person wrote on X, “This is so important to tell older women. I never let older ladies talk down on themselves near me, it breaks my heart how they don’t see their beauty just because of their age.”

And sure, as some pointed out, Parton—with her virtually unlimited access to cosmetic procedures—might not be the prime example of wholeheartedly welcoming aging. But we’re not even really talking about her POV in this scenario anyway. It’s Carpenter’s sincere adoration that’s impactful.

As one person tweeted, “If we treated older women like this more often maybe younger women would be less petrified of aging,” which really hit the nail on the head.

And clearly, judging by other posts, folks share similar sentiments.

“I want more of us to welcome aging like this instead of shunning it and pretending it’s the worst thing that’s going to happen,” one person shared. Another said, “It truly is a privilege to live such a long and fruitful life, I hope more people express this sentiment so younger girls can start to feel this way too.”

It would be naive to think that societal standards have done a complete about face. After all, youth-enhancing cosmetic procedures are on the rise, even for those as young as 20-years-old. But even still, the fact that we are seeing more women, both young and old, tear down this outdated societal mindset shows progress is still being made. And all progress is worth celebrating.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

Culture

Watch Rick Astley perform a heartfelt acoustic version of 'Pink Pony Club'

"Literally no one was expecting this but I think we all needed it."

Rick Astley/Youtube

Here's a cover you'd never expect.

Time and time again, Rick Astley has shown the world that he is more than meme fodder, and that his musicianship goes far beyond that of a one hit wonder. In fact, many have noted how his voice in particular has aged like fine wine, far exceeding that of his signature timbre in the 80s.

Case and point: his recently released cover of Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club.” Yes, the pop-dance-hit-slash-queer-anthem. It’s certainly not the first song anybody would expect Astley to perform (at least not in his post “Never Gonna give you Up” era) but everyone agrees he nailed it nonetheless.

In the video below, Astley transforms the song into a simple, peeled back acoustic version, filled with rich, baritone bluesy-ness that’s so satisfying to the ears.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Woof, right? Down in the comments, people couldn’t help but share what a pleasant surprise this was.

“Literally no one was expecting this but I think we all needed it.”

“Didn't know I needed the Baritone of Rick's Northern English accent singing Pink Pony Club, but I'm thankful that I've been granted this privilege.”

“The thought of Rick as a pink pony girl has filled my brain with the happiness it needed today. Idk if you could manage heels, Rick. But you would certainly slay in some sparkly pants.”

“Rick Astley singing Pink Pony Club by Miss Chappell Roan was not on my 2025 Bingo card but I am SO HERE FOR THIS AHHHHH.”

It also goes to show just how impactful “Pink Pony Club” really is. You have a song that is arguably very niche, for a very specific community, and yet has such universal appeal beyond that fact that it’s an earworm. In many ways, Chappell Roan wrote a tune that serves to build a bridge between folks, which really makes it a triumph.

And fun fact: Astley isn't the only 80s icon to recently show Roan some love. Elton John and Roan performed "Pink Pony Club" together at John’s Aids Foundation Oscar party this past Sunday, and of course brought the house down.

“For one night, we transformed West Hollywood Park into our own Pink Pony Club," John wrote on social media. “A space filled with love and community, where everyone can be unapologetically themselves!”

The latter part of John’s statement really drives home why he, Astley, and so many others might feel compelled to bust out their own version of this song. Yes, it’s catchy. Yes, it’s got fun lyrics and great visuals. But beyond that, it encourages people to be their most authentic selves, whatever that may be. That’s a message the world could certainly use right now.

Innovation

For the first time ever, a 13-year-old boy has been cured of a deadly brain cancer

The boy’s tumor disappeared after participating in a new clinical trial.

Lucas Jemeljanova, then aged 5, with his parents and sister a year before he was diagnosed with DIPG. (via Facebook)

Lucas Jemeljanova poses with his family a year before being diagnosed with cancer (Facebook)

Few things strike fear in the heart of parents and doctors more than a cancer called diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma, or DIPG. Primarily found in children, DIPG is a highly aggressive brain tumor that is uniformly fatal, with less than 10 percent of children surviving longer than two years after diagnosis.

But for the first time ever, a 13-year-old boy from Belgium named Lucas Jemeljanova has beaten the odds. Diagnosed with DIPG at age six, Lucas’ doctor Jacques Grill told Lucas’ parents, Cedric and Olesja, that he was unlikely to live very long. Instead of giving up hope, Cedric and Olesja flew Lucas to France to participate in a clinical trial called BIOMEDE, which tested new potential drugs against DIPG.

Lucas was randomly assigned everolimus in the clinical trial, a chemotherapy drug that works by blocking a protein called mTOR. mTOR helps cancer cells divide and grow new blood vessels, while everolimus decreases blood supply to the tumor cells and stops cancer cells from reproducing. Everolimus, a tablet that’s taken once per day, has been approved in the UK and the US to treat cancers in the breast, kidneys, stomach, pancreas, and others—but until the BIOMEDE clinical trial, it had never before been used to treat DIPG.

Lucas Jemeljanova poses with his motherLucas Jemeljanova poses with his mother(lesja Jemeljanova / Facebook)

Though doctors weren’t sure how Lucas would react to the medication, it quickly became clear that the results were good.

“Over a series of MRI scans, I watched as the tumor completely disappeared,” Grill said in an interview. Even more remarkably, the tumor has not returned since. Lucas, who is now thirteen, is considered officially cured of DIPG.

Even after the tumor was gone, Grill, who is the head of the Brain Tumor Program in the Department of Child and Teenage Oncology at Gustave Roussy cancer research hospital in Paris, was reluctant to stop Lucas’ treatments. Until about a year and a half ago, Lucas was still taking everolimus once every day.

“I didn’t know when to stop, or how, because there was no other reference in the world,” Grill said.

While Lucas is the only one in the clinical trial whose tumor has completely disappeared, seven other children have been considered “long responders” to everolimus, meaning their tumors have not progressed for more than three years after starting treatment.

Lucas Jemeljanova poses with his mother to mark cancer awareness monthLucas Jemeljanova with his mother (Facebook)(lesja Jemeljanova / Facebook)

So why did everolimus work so well for Lucas? Doctors think that an extremely rare genetic mutation in Lucas’ tumor “made its cells far more sensitive to the drug,” Grill said, while the drug worked well in other children because of the “biological peculiarities” of their tumors.

While everolimus is by no means a cure, the trial has provided real hope for parents and families of children diagnosed with DIPG. Doctors must now work to better understand why Lucas’ tumor responded so well to the drug and how they can replicate those results in tumor “organoids”—artificially-grown cells that resemble an organ. After that, said Marie-Anne Debily, a researcher in the BIOMEDE trial, “the next step will be to find a drug that works as well on tumor cells.”

In the meantime, however, Lucas’ doctors are thrilled.

“Lucas’ case offers real hope,” said Debily.


Lucas Jemeljanova poses with his familyLucas Jemeljanova with his parents and sister(lesja Jemeljanova / Facebook)

This article originally appeared last year.

Parenting

Dad invited 24 kids to a birthday party. 0 RVSPd. Then they all showed up and trashed the place.

Parents are giving brilliant tips for tweaking invites so these catastrophes don't happen.

Unsplash & Canva Photos

This party was tragically a perfect storm of everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Kids birthday party culture is definitely having a moment in the public discourse. For one thing, parties have become outrageously expensive. Renting a lane at the bowling alley and getting some pizza for a dozen kids used to be the cheap party. Now that same experience will probably run $500 or more. If you tack on custom desserts (and not a Costco sheet cake), goodie bags, and a premium venue like a trampoline park or arcade, you could be looking at a bill of close to $1000! That's madness!

RSVP etiquette is in crisis, too. Social media is rife with stories of no one RSVPing, RSVPers no-showing on the day, and others sorts of rude or bizarre behavior from parents that turns parties sour and, sadly, ruin kids' birthdays.

One dad's recent story of a birthday party gone horribly wrong, though, definitely takes the cake.


toddler in a pink dress eating cakePlanning a kid's birthday means expecting the unexpected. Giphy

"My son's birthday was recently and we decided to throw him a party at a local place that was kid focused and amazing," the dad writes in a Reddit post. Due to classroom rules and wanting to pass the invitations out through school, the family invited all 24 kids from their child's class.

"Not a single parent RSVP'ed. Not a single one. My name, my phone number, AND my spouse's phone number was on the card. I'm literally staring at one ... that I handwrote and this was included on the invite. I handwrote every card so I know for a fact what was on there," he says.

Not wanting to cancel the birthday party (and traumatize his son), the dad began inviting kids from other branches of his network. Friends' kids, coworkers kids. Basically anyone with a warm body so that they could throw a proper party. In the end, the family planned and paid for 15 kids to attend the party, including a resounding zero from class.

And then everything went haywire.

"Party was yesterday night. ... We get there, get settled in, and start seeing kids come in. A few of his classmates began showing up. I was fine with that and was excited kids started showing up for him. And then more kids started showing up. One family brought 7 kids total; 3 teens, 2 slightly older kids, a girl from his classmates, and their cousin. Another family brought their son AND one of his friends because 'they didn't know if their son would know anyone there so we wanted to make sure he had a friend to play with'. So many of them brought siblings."

The numbers quickly got way, way out of hand. Organizers at the venue told the dad he was going to have to pay for all the extra kids that showed up. So the OP unfortunately had to tell anyone who brought uninvited kids, or failed to RSVP, that they would have to pay their own way for all the crafts and activities available at the venue.

A few families apologized and ponied up, but... "I had multiple parents tell me that they didn't know they couldn't bring their other kids and promised to pay before they left. Some asked for my Cashapp/Venmo/Zelle so they could reimburse me later since they couldn't afford it right now. Some just left, a few taking their presents with them."

With so many kids running amok, the party took an unfortunate turn. Kids started being mean to an animal that was brought out for entertainment and its handlers had to put it away. Trash went flying everywhere. Kids climbed on tables and got kicked out. It was pandemonium.


gif of woman jumping on a table and it collapsing beneath herKids at the party climbed on and broke furnitureGiphy

In the end, dad had to pay an extra cleaning fee, pay for damage done to the venue, and pay for all the extra kids who showed up whose parents left before chipping in. Worse yet, his son was devastated at how the party turned out.

"I was in tears. My son is really upset that there were so many mean kids. He said this was the worst party ever and asked to not have a party for next year."

The obvious question coming out of this story: Why are people so awful?!

Stories like this one sadly aren't rare. The cynical take is that parents are ruder and more self-absorbed than ever, that our socially disconnected society has diluted our sense of community and obligation to be kind to each other.

The slightly more optimistic and probably more accurate take is that today's parents are completely overwhelmed and have their hands full coordinating handfuls of events that are months away, responding to dozens of daily emails from school and teachers and daycares, being engaged and hands-on in every aspects of their kids lives, etc. So RSVPs sometimes slip to the bottom of the list and get forgotten. The behavior in this dad's story is appalling, but probably not intentionally malicious.

Still, social media users were furious on behalf of the child and his parents in the story.

"This is unacceptable behavior," wrote one commenter.

"People suck and kids parties bring out the worst in people!" added another.

Whatever the cause, there are a few ways you can protect yourself and your kids from birthday party catastrophes like this one.

Don't include the specific location on the invite. The best way to stop people who didn't RSVP from showing up unannounced is to stay vague about the party venue. Just put the day and time on the invitation so people can save the date, but make them text or call before you tell them where the party will be held. That way, you can secure a commitment beforehand.

Specify whether siblings are welcome. Unfortunately, some parents have been known to use other kids birthday parties as informal daycares, dropping all of their kids off at once and taking themselves a nice break! It's not all conniving, though. It is legitimately a lot easier on some families to bring everyone along to a party rather than dividing and conquering to entertain siblings who weren't invited. Just be clear on the invite or in RSVP discussions about who's allowed to come and whether parents are expected to stay (or if it's a "drop off party").

Understand classroom rules. A lot of schools now require that, if birthday party invitations get handed out in class, that everyone is invited. That rules comes from a great place of not wanting anyone to feel left out, but it also causes a lot of problems. The inclusivity is a positive but it also means you end up inviting a lot of kids and parents you don't know very well or at all. If you're up for this logistical challenge, go for it! But if not, consider a smaller party with just your child's good friends—and invite them privately outside of school.

Finally, for anyone on the receiving end of a birthday party invitation, don't be a jerk! RSVPing either way is a much appreciated gesture. On the chance that you do forget to RSVP (it happens), don't show up unannounced. It may not seem like a big deal, but when a couple dozen sets of parents all have the same thought, this dad's viral story shows exactly what can go wrong.

Unsplash & Canva Photos

It's not a phase.

One of the best lessons you can teach your kids is that they have the right to be who they are and who they want to be. One of the best ways to teach that lesson is to embody it yourself. Kids need your presence and your wisdom, but they also need your example. Be your truest self! Chase your dreams! Live without fear! It's the best possible way to show them that they can do it, too.

However, like all things in parenting, this lesson doesn't come without its own caveats. What if you embracing your truest self is, like, totally embarrassing? What if it causes other kids to bully your children, or gets them banned from playdates? That doesn't mean it's right for people to judge you, but it will probably happen if you're a loud or controversial dresser. As a parent, what are you going to do about it?

One dad recently found himself facing a conundrum: As a self-described "goth," and a larger guy to boot, he began to wonder if his unique style of dress might be having a negative impact on his kids.

"I'm a father of a 2 year old and 6 year old," the man wrote in a post on r/Daddit. "I dress like a [punk]/goth. It's nothing insanely extreme, just a lotta skulls and arm bands, couple chains on legs, rings. Stuff like that. ... I'm a rather large guy, 6' 7", so I already stand out."

gif of a man in white and black goth makeupGoths tend to stand out. Giphy

He says due to his size and dress, he's more than a little used to getting looks everywhere he goes. But then the dad of two recalls an incident at the playground that had him rethinking everything.

"Today at the park, I don't know, it felt like this lady was afraid of me? I keep to myself, smile a lot because I know I'm intimidating, and actively play with my kids, so I think it's kind of strange. After playing a while my daughter comes up crying. I ask her what's wrong, and she tells me 'my friend's mom said I can't play with you.' I look over and it's that same lady and she hurries and looks away.

"Later on, I'm holding my 2 year olds hand, walking him to the swings, and I overhear another kid ... go, 'ooh stay away from that guy. Stay away. My mom says he's bad'"

The user than asked the dad community for advice: Should he tone it down for his kids' sake? Ditch the skulls and chains to help them fit in and make friends more easily? Or would that be setting the wrong example?

The community was split on whether this dad should stop dressing goth. Great arguments emerged on both sides of a terrific debate.

Lots of parents encouraged the OP to stay true to himself, as the long-term lesson he'd be teaching his kids would be worth a little short-term discomfort.

goth teen walking through school halls and flipping his hairWhat's the price of staying true to you?Giphy

"Please never change your style. As your kids and your kids friends get older, you're going to be the 'cool dad.' Also, please consider the message you'd be sending to your children in changing yourself and being less authentic for the sake of making other people feel comfortable. It's not a healthy message to send."

"No you should model the behavior you want to see -- positive self expression, acceptance of differences, and kindness."

Others felt it was selfish of OP to continue dressing and behaving the same way he did before he was a father.

"It's not about you anymore, it's about your kids and the children they will interact with."

"OP should do what he feels is right, but those choices come with consequences. Personally, I can't imagine being so tied to how I dress that I would keep dressing that way even if caused distress for my daughter. Like, for what? They're just clothes. ... I get that some people are really attached to how they dress, like it's part of their identity. I can't personally relate, and fundamentally don't believe that how I dress defines who I am."

"I'm gonna be honest with you, and with love as a metalhead, that's kinda cringe my dude. Your clothes don't define you, and it sounds like your choice to dress like not-a-dad is going to force your kids to be outcasts. It's fine for us to be weirdo outcasts, we're adults, but you live in Mormon country and your kids don't get to choose who they see day to day at school. I dunno, swallow your pride, tone it down."

Some challenged this dad to dig deep. Was punk or goth clothing really essential to his identity? Or was it just something he was used to, or maybe something he used as a shield in social situations? These are big and important questions to answer before you decide if the way you dress is something you're willing to sacrifice. Others still suggested this dad find some kind of a compromise:

"Yeah I think finding a compromise is the best way forward, you can still be yourself but are also not scaring others around you (as unwarranted as it might be). And, remember you don’t always have to cut back. Probably 80% of the time you’re fine as you usually are, like at kids birthdays or something when you can get to know people etc. But if you’re gonna be around and potentially interacting with strangers’ children, it’s probably good to tone it down just a bit, just for your kids sake if anything."

Experts agree that when it comes to personal identity preferences that might embarrass your kids, compromise is key.

Rather than inflexibly insisting on "fully expressing yourself at all times," you may have to pick and choose a little more when you become a parent.

"It's important to maintain your authentic styles for most occasions. But the dad could think about toning it down in certain circumstances like school functions or when meeting new parents. That's because the focus is on the kid, about the kid, rather than himself," says Cory Reid-Vanas, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Rocky Mountain Counseling Collective. Reid-Vanas adds that kids often don't want to stand out, so extra attention may make them feel embarrassed. Though, these moments of conflict make for good conversation and teaching moments.

Ciara Bogdanovic, Licensed Psychotherapist at Sagebrush Psychotherapy,, says: "More important than how the parent dresses is their social relationships and how they handle situations. Children model their behavior after their parents. So it is important to model healthy friendships and how to deal with difficult social situations like rejection. Is the parent showing appropriate social skills on the playground? For example, is the parent greeting people and making friendly conversation?" In other words, a little extra smiling and proactive friendly behavior might help disarm judgmental bystanders.

Whatever the right answer is, the fact that this father is grappling with it so heavily said a lot about the love he has for his kids. In the very long run, that is definitely what they'll end up remembering most about him.