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Men's Health

Counterintuitive study sheds light on why men take breakups so much harder than women

4 key findings show a lot of what we believe about relationships is wrong.

Counterintuitive study sheds light on why men take breakups so much harder than women
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There are a few commonly held beliefs our society has about how men and women approach relationships differently. However, a new study set to be published in the journal Behavioral & Brain Sciences challenges these beliefs. The big headline? In general, men are shown to value relationships more, be more intentional about seeking them out, and take it much harder when a relationship ends.

We know they're generalizations, stereotypes even, and that they don't apply to everyone. But nevertheless, they somehow feel true.

  • Women want marriage, men don't want to commit
  • Women want relationships and romance, men just want sex
  • Men are happy to be single, women actively seek a partner
  • Women are devastated by breakups while men are happy to be 'free'
And so on and so on. To be frank, the findings don't jive with the common stereotypes of men's attitudes towards sex and relationships. At all!


Giphy

The study — which consisted of a comprehensive analysis of decades of research across fields like psychology, sociology, and evolutionary biology — uncovered 4 key findings.

Keep in mind that the study primarily looked at data from heterosexual couples and Western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic (WEIRD) populations. With that said, the findings were super interesting.

1. Single men are more likely to be actively seeking a partner than single women

This is definitely a surprise. It goes against the mental image of the free-wheeling bachelor who's happy to date and sleep around with no particular rush to settle down (thanks TV and film for constantly reinforcing this one!). It also indicates that, in general, women are far less antsy about being single than the cultural stereotype would suggest.

2. Men benefit more from relationships when it comes to their physical and mental health

To be fair, relationships are usually good for everyone's health... when they're supportive and satisfactory. (Abusive or toxic relationships are far worse.) But the data suggest a bigger gap between single and partnered men, who can experience less depression, stress, hypertension, inflammation, and more.

3. Men are less likely to initiate breakups

This definitely tracks with available data, which shows that a whopping 70% of divorces are initiated by women. That's not even close to being an even split! So it suggests there might be reason for such a big imbalance.

4. Men take breakups harder and display more psychological distress afterwards


Giphy

Another study showed that women may feel the effects of a break up more strongly at first, but are much quicker to recover and move on, while guys struggle to fully get over old relationships and even view their exes more positively overall. "They also experience more severe physical health consequences, including an increased risk of suicide and mortality after losing a partner through separation or death," writes PsyPost.

When you put it all together it paints a really interesting and counterintuitive picture of what's really going on before, during, and after relationships between men and women.

So are men just not getting credit for secretly being a bunch of hopeless romantics? Not so fast.

Giphy

Did you know that men usually score higher than women on a test called the Romantic Beliefs Scale? Guys are more likely to believe in things like love at first sight, soul mates, or working through any problem in a relationship. So it's safe to say they're a little more romantic than we give them credit for. (Just because men have romantic notions and may place a lot of value in relationships, doesn't automatically make them good partners... but that's another story.)

But that doesn't explain all the findings here. The more likely explanation lies in the way that men are raised and socialized.


Men have notoriously few intimate relationships outside of romance so it would make sense that they'd struggle when losing the one person they can open up to.

It could also explain why they might not initiate a break up even in a relationship that's not working and why they'd seek a partner out more aggressively. In general, women have a much larger network from which they can find intimacy and emotional support and are less reliant on romantic relationships.

Men's general state of loneliness could also explain why they benefit so much physically and mentally from being partnered. It's truly amazing that having strong social bonds with other people can be so good for your health, to the point where loneliness and isolation can actually hurt your longevity.

It's nice to think that guys might be more romantic than we give them credit for. But taking a breakup really hard is not necessarily a good thing. Men might be more likely to distract themselves from their pain with potentially harmful activities like overworking, drinking/drugs, or seeking rebound relationships or sex. Men are also more likely than women to stalk or otherwise harm their exes.

The 'male loneliness epidemic' has almost become a meme at this point, but it continues to rear its head in new and surprising ways. Being the sole outlet for a man's emotional support and intimacy is a lot of pressure to put on any woman in a relationship. We've got to raise the next generation of boys to feel comfortable seeking closeness in other arenas in life.

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Humor

13 everyday idioms that make zero sense until you know where they come from

Sweating like a pig? Pigs don't sweat!

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I've always really liked cliches, idioms, proverbs, and common phrases that we like to use over and over. They can get repetitive at times, but they're crucial tools in communication. They allow us to convey so much meaning in so few words — a commonly understood shorthand that can get complex points across quickly.

The only problem is that many of the most popular idioms in common use date back hundreds of years. In that time, they've either become outdated, or seen their words adopt new meanings. In some cases the idioms have been shortened or reversed, losing important context. So when someone tells you to "bite the bullet," you may inherently know what they mean — but if you really stop and think about it, you have no idea why it means what it means.

If you're a word nerd like me, you'll be absolutely fascinated by the origin and evolution of some of these common idioms, and how they came to mean what they mean today.

1. Sick as a dog / Working like a dog

dog typing on laptopGiphy

Ever have a cold and tell someone you're "sicker than a dog?" Kind of rude to dogs, in my opinion, and a little strange. I've had dogs my whole life and can't remember any of them coming down with the flu.

Sick as a dog actually originates hundreds of years ago, if not longer. Some explanations say that in the 1700s, stray dogs were responsible for the spread of many diseases, along with rats and other gutter critters. There are also references as far back as the Bible to dogs eating their own vomit — sounds pretty sick to me.

What about working like a dog? Dogs are the laziest creatures around! For this one you have to remember that dogs as "pleasure pets" is a relatively recent phenomenon, and before that they had to earn their keep by working tirelessly on the farm to herd and protect the animals.

2. Sweating like a pig

This is an extremely common idiom that we all use and accept. There's just one problem with it. Pigs don't sweat!

So... what gives? You might be surprised to hear that 'sweating like a pig' actually has nothing to do with farm animals.

According to McGill University: "The term is actually derived from the iron smelting process in which hot iron poured on sand cools and solidifies with the pieces resembling a sow and piglets. Hence 'pig iron'. As the iron cools, the surrounding air reaches its dew point, and beads of moisture form on the surface of the 'pigs'. 'Sweating like a pig' indicates that the "pig" (ie iron) has cooled enough to be safely handled. And that's a "pig" you wouldn't want to eat."

3. Bite the bullet

Biting the bullet refers to sucking it up and doing something hard, something you don't want to do but is necessary, and accepting the difficult consequences and/or pain that comes with it. But what does that have to do with biting a bullet?

There are different theories on this. One common explanation is that in the olden days it was common for soldiers on the battlefield receiving surgery to bite down on a lead bullet. You've probably seen people in moving biting down on a piece of wood or leather strap. Since lead is a softer metal, it would give just a little bit between their teeth and not damage them. So the idiom 'biting the bullet' means, okay, this is going to suck, just bite down and get through it.

4. Healthy as a horse

This one has always confused me. As a layman, it seems like horses are prone to injury and have trouble recovering when they hurt themselves. More research shows that horses can not vomit, which means they are highly at risk for deadly colic episodes. Doesn't sound super healthy!

The best explanation I can find for healthy as a horse is that, again, in the olden days, horses were symbols of health and strength and vitality. Which checks out — they're really powerful, majestic creatures.

5. Slept like a baby

To many parents, this common idiom is rage-inducing. If babies sleep so well, why am I so exhausted all the time?!

Yes, babies are notorious for waking up every few hours or at the first sign of hunger or a dirty diaper. It puts their parents through the wringer (another strange idiom!). But to the outside observer, a sleeping baby is pure bliss. They are so innocent and blissfully unaware of anything going on around them — after all, if they're not sitting in a dirty diaper they really don't have too many other things to worry about. Also, despite all their shenanigans, babies do sleep a lot — around 17 hours a day or so. When you put it that way, the idiom starts to make a little sense.

6. Happy as a clam

Clams are a lot of things. Some people find them delicious, others disgusting. One thing I think we can all agree on is that clams don't seem particularly happy, which makes this idiom a bit of a conundrum.

The truth is that this phrase is actually derived from the full version: "Happy as a clam at high water."

At low water, or low tide, clams are exposed to predators. At high tide, they're safe in deeper water. That's about as happy as mollusk can get!

7. The proof is in the pudding

Hey, we all love pudding. But what the heck does this mean? If you're not familiar, it refers to judging something based on the results it generates — but what that has to do with pudding is a bit of a mystery to most people.

This is another example of a shortened idiom that makes more sense when you read the full, original line: "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

According to Dictionary.com it "originated as a reference to the fact that it was difficult to judge if the pudding was properly cooked until it was actually being eaten. In other words, the test of whether it’s done is taking a bite."

8. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

smiling horseGiphy

I've always been a big fan of this idiom, which basically means that it's rude to over-analyze or criticize something you got for free, especially when it was a nice gesture from a friend or loved one.

But here we go with horses again! This phrase likely originated from the fact that you can determine a horse's age and health by looking at its teeth. So if someone were to give you a horse as a gift, it would be rude to immediately try to see how "good" it was by looking in its mouth.

9. Clean as a whistle

Whistles are objectively disgusting. They collect spit and germs every time they're used. I certainly wouldn't hold them up as a beacon of cleanliness.

So what gives with this idiom? There are several possible explanations that have been proposed.

First, a whistle won't work, or won't work very well, if it has debris blocking up its inside. So you can think of "clean" in this case as being "empty or free of clutter." Another possibility is that, in this idiom, clean refers to sharpness — as in the sharp sound a whistle makes — and that inference has been lost over time.

10. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps

This phrase is commonly use to describe someone who was "self-made" and built themselves up into a success from nothing. Imagine lying on the floor and hoisting yourself to your feet using only the straps on your boots.

The only problem is... that's impossible! And that's exactly the point. This idiom is actually meant to be sarcastic and to imply that "socioeconomic advancement... was an impossible accomplishment," according to Useless Etymology.

11. Have your cake and eat it too

cartoon cake sliceGiphy

Why bother having a cake if you can't eat it? That's the mystery of this extremely common idiom or proverb (sometimes worded "you can't have your cake and eat it, too")

The explanation is actually really simple. "Have" in this case really means "keep" or "hold onto." So, in that case, it makes perfect sense that you can't eat your cake and also still have it. "You can't have it both ways," would be another way of saying it.

12. Head over heels

Very rarely do people describe being deeply in love without using this phrase. But it's a confusing one, because isn't your head always over your heels? That doesn't seem to be an extraordinary state of being.

The idiom here has actually been flipped over time for unknown reasons. Originally, it went "heels over head", implying upside down. Some say it may also reference certain sexual positions...

13. Pushing the envelope

When I think of radical, risky, or pushing the limits of what's possible, sliding an envelope across a table just somehow doesn't quite capture it for me. But an envelope doesn't have to be just a paper container that you put other paper in. It can actually refer to different parts and practices of an aircraft.

"Push the envelope comes from aeronautics, where it refers to a set of performance limits that may not be safely exceeded," according to Merriam Webster. Now that's more like it!

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Science

Researchers nail down scientific 'biomarker' for SIDS and it could be a lifesaver

This discovery is groundbreaking for parents, doctors, and scientists worldwide.

Photo by Picsea on Unsplash

Scientist identify a marker for babies at risk of SIDS.

Worrying over a sleeping baby comes with the territory of being a new parent. There are so many rules about safe sleep that it can be hard for parents to keep it all straight. The list of infant sleep rules designed to avoid Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS, is endless: Never let the baby sleep on their tummy. Don’t put soft things in the crib. That crib bumper is super cute but you can’t keep it on there when the baby comes. Don’t ever co-sleep. Never cover a baby with a blanket.

SIDS is described as an unexplained death of an infant under the age of 1 year old. There is no determined cause and no warning signs, which is what makes it so terribly tragic when it happens. The worry over a sleeping baby stays with some parents far longer than it should. I recall my own mother coming to check in on me as a teenager, and I sometimes do the same to my own children even though they’re well over the age of being at risk for SIDS. The fact that there is no cause, no explanation, no warning, and nothing to reassure parents that their children will fare just fine means worrying about a sleeping child becomes second nature to most parents. It’s just what you do.

Well, maybe not anymore. Researchers from The Children’s Hospital Westmead in Sydney, Australia, have found a link to SIDS. The study released by the hospital explains not only how the babies succumb to SIDS, it also details why. For years, the medical community speculated that SIDS was caused by an unknown defect in the part of the brain that's responsible for breathing and arousal from sleep. The theory was that the normal startle response to arouse a sleeping baby when breathing stopped or was obstructed didn’t work when the supposed defect was present.

yawning baby

This new research could save lives.

Photo by Tim Bish on Unsplash

Researchers in Australia analyzed dried blood from babies that had passed away from SIDS and compared it to infants who died of other causes and to healthy living infants. Through their research they were able to identify that the enzyme butyrylcholinesterase (BChE) was significantly lower in babies who died of SIDS in comparison to the other samples collected. BChE is a major factor in the brain’s arousal pathway, which explains why SIDS occurs during sleep.

If an enzyme that informs scientists of low BChE levels can be found in simple blood samples, this could be a game changer and a lifesaver. The hope is that doctors will eventually be able to devise a way to keep babies safe during sleeping hours, helping parents rest and reassuring those who have experienced the tragedy of losing a child to SIDS with answers.

Dr. Carmel Harrington, the lead researcher who helped make this discovery, lost her son to SIDS 1993, 29 years before this research would be available. She told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, "Nobody could tell me. They just said it's a tragedy. But it was a tragedy that didn't sit well with my scientific brain.” So, she set out to solve the puzzle and provide some solace to grieving parents like her. "These families can now live with the knowledge that this was not their fault," she said.

This discovery is groundbreaking for parents, doctors, and scientists worldwide. The knowledge of what causes SIDS will inform research into a plan on how to proceed when low BChE levels are detected. Hopefully, when that's achieved, everyone will sleep a little easier.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

Mystery woman dominates the fair with her baked goods—winning the hearts of people everywhere

The perfect recipe for a feel-good story.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Oh my, what a pie!

It’s not every day that the happenings at a local fair make their way to Internet fame. But Linda Skeens and her unbeatable baked goods have garnered some well-earned online attention.

In 2022, Skeens won every single category of baked goods at the Virginia Kentucky District Fair (aka the VA-KY Fair). In many, she placed multiple times. She also placed heavily in canned goods and the non-food related embroidery and wall decor categories. Out of the 29 categories she entered, Skeens won 25. Unbelievable.

Aside from having the best cake, pie, brownies, candy, and both sweet and savory bread in town, Skeens quickly became the inspiration for some hilarious memes, including my personal favorite below:

Plus, there was no shortage of tongue-in-cheek Facebook comments. Some highlights: "Skeens was previously Chuck Norris’ personal chef" ,“She once baked a ladder on the spot to rescue a kitten stuck in a tree”, ”She made a wedding cake for 200 people using only an easy bake oven,” and so on. What a legend.

Some even joked that she must have been the only one who competed. Rest assured she wasn’t. Spokesperson Jennifer Sturgill confirmed with TODAY that “she wasn’t the only entrant…she’s just that good.”

However, despite going viral, this culinary queen’s identity remained a mystery—much to the disappointment of her new fans clamoring for a recipe book. That is, until Dallas’ HOT 93.3 radio host Mason Moussette sent the search to her followers on TikTok.

@masononthemic Linda Skeens where are you!? Internet, we gotta find #lindaskeens ♬ original sound - Mason

Moussette’s faith in the Internet was justified, because not long after her post, the real Linda Skeens was found. In her interview, Skeens told Moussette that this wasn’t her first win—only last year, she got 40 blue ribbons. No big deal.

Skeens also revealed that after being diagnosed with leukemia in December, cooking for her friends and family helped her while undergoing treatment. Of course, she isn’t the only one to find solace in the kitchen.

@masononthemic #lindaskeensinterview #lindaskeenshasbeenfound #lindaskeens ♬ original sound - Mason

Cooking and baking can be very therapeutic during difficult times. In her 2014 article for The Wall Street Journal, Jeanne Whalen explained that psychologists define these types of activities as “behavioral activation,” where we can shift our focus on personal stressors and instead engage in something we find personally rewarding, improving our well-being in the process.

If cooking isn’t your thing, don’t fret. All kinds of creative activities can be soothing in similar ways. What matters is finding what feels best. It sounds like Skeens was able to do that through cooking. Or maybe she just likes to win those blue ribbons. Who knows. Either way, she found her thing, and feels “blessed.” That in itself is worth celebrating.

And, according to Cardinal News, Linda Skeens came back to sweep the county fair competition a year later. Take a look:

Breakdown of ribbons won at the 2023 County Fairs

Skeen's "score sheet" in 2023

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Finally, in August 2023, Skeen's fans were rewarded when the "blue ribbon queen" put out her very own cookbook. Blue Ribbon Kitchen: Recipes and Tips from America's Favorite County Fair Champion is a heart-felt read that not only shares her award-winning recipes, but stories about her life in Southwest Virginia.

Thanks, Linda, for giving us so many wholesome stories worth savoring!


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Culture

People share the moment they started believing in ghosts

For some, the question isn't "Do you believe in ghosts?" It's "When did you start believing?"

Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash

Believe it or not, these Redditors might have encountered ghosts.

It used to feel like a black-and-white issue: you either believed in the paranormal, or you didn’t. But nowadays, since people can share their stories more readily, more people are opening their minds to the possibility of aliens, magic, and yes, ghosts. And once they cross that threshold, it’s hard to turn back.

According to a 2022 study by YouGov, a market research firm based in the UK, two-thirds of Americans alone believe in some kind of paranormal activity, while over 40 percent specifically believe in ghosts. In 2021, People Magazine cited a small study (commissioned by Phantom Wine and conducted by OnePoll) which claims 57 percent of Americans believe in spirits. While that's not quite everyone, it’s certainly not as rare as it used to be to admit that.

On the Paranormal subreddit, one user asked, "What is THE moment that made you a true believer in ghosts?" The amount of upvotes and responses, which came from people all over the world, was extraordinary. And although each story is more bone-chilling than the next, the community comes together to validate and comfort one another. Here are a few of the best stories from the thread.


You Okay, Dear?

gif of old woman with cane against yellow background Old Lady Sf GIF by Strange Fellows BrewingGiphy

A Redditor shares that "they never believed in the paranormal" until they briefly moved into a house built in 1845 as part of an exchange program in South England.

"The second week, someone frequently knocked on my door. Every time I looked outside, there was no one. I even asked my roommate from across the hall if she knocked. No, she didn’t. I walked down to the kitchen to ask my guest parents if they knocked. No, they didn’t. I asked their kids, three sons if they knocked. No, they didn’t. That made me really suspicious, but I was like, well, old house, noise from the floorboards and stuff."

But things got weirder. "One night, I had to go to the bathroom, walked down the hallway, and heard a clear 'you okay, dear?' I turned around to look for my guest mom. The hallway was empty. THAT freaked me out. The next morning, I talked to my guest mom, and she said it was Grandma Rosie, who had died in the house and who loved to keep watch over the children and the guest children. She had a habit of knocking on the door, coming in, checking on you, asking if you're okay, and then leaving."


The Man at the Foot of the Stairs

man falls down stairsmad men stairs GIFGiphy

One commenter shares, "When I was a kid, I used to stay after school sometimes with an elderly neighbor lady who was a widow. The very first time I entered her house, I glanced up and saw a man standing at the top of the stairs, looking right down at me. It scared the CRAP out of me, and every time I came in, I would keep my eyes on the floor and hurry through the foyer as fast as I could go. But I could always FEEL him there, even if I managed not to see him."

They claimed they kept this information to themselves for years. But finally, "Years later, I was talking to my family about these neighbors. It came out that our neighbor's husband had died several years before I began staying with her, and he had passed after suffering a fatal heart attack and falling down those stairs. I like to think he was still there, keeping watch over his wife, who for a while had a young companion to keep her company in the afternoons."


The One Who Made Us Move Out

silhouette of man standing inside structureSome ghosts aren't so friendly. Photo by Rene Böhmer on Unsplash

Nothing like a ghost shaking your mattress. This user shares, "I became a true believer in 2017. I was working an early first shift at the time, and my husband was working second shift. We lived alone in our townhouse, which always had a weird vibe, like you were being watched, and I would sometimes hear someone calling my name. But we just shrugged it off. One night, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I felt the mattress moving, like someone was trying to bounce me on it. I opened my eyes and saw a shadow on the wall, so I assumed it was my husband and asked him to stop. He didn’t, so I rolled over to where he should have been standing and no one was there. It was like an hour before he got off work. We moved out of that place not too long after."


The Orb Who Liked TV

gif of Carol Anne placing her hands on the static TV screen from PoltergeistTobe Hooper Poltergeist GIFGiphy

A woman shares that she and her husband "were watching TV at 10 in the morning when a 5-inch orb began flickering down through the ceiling, just a few inches from me, and then flew out the wall. We looked at each other and said, 'Well, that just happened.'"

Did any of these stories convince you? I'm starting to wonder myself!

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