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Fatherhood

Seasoned parents rally around new dad who 'hates fatherhood' in amazing judgement-free way

A little compassion goes a long way.

new parents; paternal postpartum depression; new dad hates fatherhood; dad hates being parent; parent support

New dad says he 'hates fatherhood.' Other parents rally in support.

Being a brand new parent can be really hard. You're in a season that many people have been in before but it's impossible to fathom what it will be like until you're going through it yourself. That's because everyone is different. We all have different distress tolerances, different levels of assistance, different relationship dynamics and unsurprisingly exactly zero babies are exactly the same. Truly, even identical twins have completely different personalities which are often evident from the moment they're born.

So no first time parent knows exactly what they're getting themselves into but thankfully, most figure it out. A good rule of thumb to remember is that it's your first time being a parent and it's also your baby's first time being a baby. You're learning together. That doesn't always help mitigate the overwhelm or very real emotional changes parents can feel, even dads.

While there has been increased focus on supporting new moms in recognizing symptoms of baby blues and postpartum depression, there's not much attention paid to the changes new dads experience. One in ten men experience paternal postpartum depression and anxiety so it's important that we don't leave them out of the conversation on postpartum mental health.

a man sitting on a bed holding a baby Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

This very well could be a possible reason this dad took to a parenting group desperately seeking advice for how to handle "hating being a new father."

The anonymous father writes, "I have a three week old daughter. I feel so terrible - I just feel nothing for her. I'm finding it impossible to function without sleep. Everyone always talked about how you'll love every minute of it and how I need to 'treasure' these moments as I won't get them back - I just don't get it, what part of this is good? I have no life anymore. I have zero independence."

He shares that he can't explain his feelings to his wife and would go back to his former life if he could before concluding, "I feel like an awful person... but... how was I to know this wasn't for me before I tried it?"

woman holding baby beside man smiling Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Oof! The level of guilt he feels is evident, but what's also evident is that even though he's feeling detached from his infant, he's still caring for her. From his own words people can see that he's doing his best to become a good father and trying to be a supportive partner. Normally in open parenting forums people would pile on the guilt by shaming a parent for feeling anything other than immense joy for your child at all times whether it's realistic or not.

In this case it seems that fellow parents could hear the worry and desperation in his words, immediately rallying to offer supportive words and suggestions. One person writes, "Lack of sleep is an absolute killer.You need to see about sleeping in shifts so you both get a decent period of uninterrupted sleep. Take the baby out for a walk in the stroller. If it’s cold layer them up. You’re not a bad father, it’s a huge adjustment and it’s really hard with no sleep. But it also is what you make of it, so get outside and move your body and go for a beer or a coffee with a friend."

Baby Nbc GIF by This Is UsGiphy

A mom of two offers some solid validation, "You aren't awful. This sht is hard. It can take dads a lot longer to bond with babies. You've just got to fake it til you make it. Try to have skin to skin time with baby to give the chemical reaction in your brain a jumpstart. Just talking to the baby about what's happening around you can also help you feel a connection, just like it does when you meet a new person. Around the 2month mark things should start feeling more natural and like you're a part of things. 4month it goes to sht again due to sleep regression and then things can be a bit chaotic til around 8month when they start crawling or standing or walking even. You do look back on these days and think "wow I wish they were slower" but then you remember a poonami episode and are glad your kid is toilet trained. Try to hang in there. It does get better!"

love and hip hop baby GIF by VH1Giphy

Another father relates to the struggle but encourages that things get easier, "When my child came, I had a hard time with the loss of my previous life. I was worried that I made the wrong decision in having a kiddo and thought to myself that I wasn’t meant to be a father. That lasted for a long time honestly. I did love my kiddo, but I wouldn’t say I was bonded with him for a long time. He is 8 now and I treasure the times that we have together, he is fun and infuriating and hilarious and clever and has no common sense. Yours will their own mixture of things, but you will come to love them."

"Anyone who says you’ll love every minute of it is a damn liar and no one can change my mind," one mom writes in part before sharing further. "Having a child is a shocking life change. Your wife has a slight advantage in that her life change happened when she found out about the pregnancy, and so she’s had 8-10ish months to come to terms with it, while going through physical changes. Yours is mental and 3 weeks ago shit hit the fan. It’s ok to feel lost. Imagine if someone you were close to had died - you wouldn’t be any less shocked in 3 weeks. Give yourself some time and make sure you do bond with your baby by simply holding them and talking to them."

man in white crew neck t-shirt with tattoo on arm Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

The amount of validation and nonjudgmental support is heartwarming. Hopefully the new dad feels the level of support offered by others and knows that while it can be a hard adjustment that he can always reach out to others for support. If he or any other new father recognizes that they may be struggling with symptoms of paternal postpartum depression, support is available through therapy or the Postpartum Support International HelpLine.

Planet

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗

It's super easy, no purchase or donation necessary, and you help our oceans! That's what we call a win-win-win. Enter here.

Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗
True

Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're bringing back our favorite giveaway with Ocean Wise. You have the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Our recommendation? Celebrate love for all your people this Valentine's Day! Treat your mom friends to a relaxing spa trip, take your best friend to an incredible concert, or enjoy a beach adventure with your sibling! Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner or enjoying a movie night in, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:


  • Go to upworthy.com/oceandate and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.S. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Give mom some relaxation

She’s up before the sun and still going at bedtime. She’s the calendar keeper, the lunch packer, the one who remembers everything so no one else has to. Moms are always creating magic for us. This Valentine’s Day, we’re all in for her. Win an eco-friendly spa day near you, plus a stash of All In snack bars—because she deserves a treat that’s as real as she is. Good for her, kinder to the ocean. That’s the kind of love we can all get behind.


Special thanks to our friends at All In who are all in on helping moms!

2. Jump in the ocean, together

Grab your favorite person and get some much-needed ocean time. Did you know research on “blue spaces” suggests that being near water is linked with better mental health and well-being, including feeling calmer and less stressed? We’ll treat you to a beach adventure like a surfing or sailing class, plus ocean-friendly bags from GOT Bag and blankets from Sand Cloud so your day by the water feels good for you and a little gentler on the ocean too.

Special thanks to our friends at GOT Bag. They make saving the ocean look stylish and fun!

3. Couch potato time

Love nights in as much as you love a date night out? We’ve got you. Have friends over for a movie night or make it a cozy night in with your favorite person. You’ll get a Disney+ and Hulu subscription so you can watch Nat Geo ocean content, plus a curated list of ocean-friendly documentaries and a movie-night basket of snacks. Easy, comfy, and you’ll probably come out of it loving the ocean even more.

4. Dance all day!

Soak up the sun and catch a full weekend of live music at BeachLife Festival in Redondo Beach, May 1–3, 2026, featuring Duran Duran, The Offspring, James Taylor and His All-Star Band, The Chainsmokers, My Morning Jacket, Slightly Stoopid, and Sheryl Crow. The perfect date to bring your favorite person on!

We also love that BeachLife puts real energy into protecting the coastline it’s built on by spotlighting ocean and beach-focused nonprofit partners and hosting community events like beach cleanups.

Date includes two (2) three-day GA tickets. Does not include accommodation, travel, or flights.

5. Chef it up (at home)

Stay in and cook something delicious with someone you love. We’ll hook you up with sustainable seafood ingredients and some additional goodies for a dinner for two, so you can eat well and feel good knowing your meal supports healthier oceans and more responsible fishing.

Giveaway ends 2/15/26 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at upworthy.com/oceandate

quiet, finger over lips, don't talk, keep it to yourself, silence

A woman with her finger over her mouth.

It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.

Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.


argument, coworkers, angry coworkers, hostile work enviornment, disagreement A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos

What is the WAIT method?

One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.

The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:

  • What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
  • What question can I ask to better understand what the other person is saying?
  • Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
  • How might I become comfortable with silence rather than succumb to my urge to talk?

tape over muth, sielnce, be quiet, mouth shut, saying nothing A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos

The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.

Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.

The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.

fight, spuse disagreement, communications skills, upset husband, argument A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos

How much should I talk in a meeting?

So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?

Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:

"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."

Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.

Education

Real people share 17 red flags that expose someone trying to appear wiser than they actually are

"Actually referring to oneself as 'smart' in general is often a good indicator too."

low intelligence, low iq, iq lower, signs of low intelligence, not smart, not very smart

A man looks confused.

People who struggle with intellectual functioning, often described as having a low IQ, may also be considered to have low intelligence. Determining low intelligence is not always easy or obvious, so people on Reddit shared their thoughts on the signs that can indicate it.

One observant Redditor shared their insight, writing that a sign of low intelligence is "actually referring to oneself as 'smart' in general is often a good indicator too." The comment is an example of the Dunning–Kruger effect, first described in 1999 by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, which found that people with lower IQs tend to overestimate their intelligence, while those with higher IQs often underestimate it.


"Those with limited knowledge in a domain suffer a dual burden: Not only do they reach mistaken conclusions and make regrettable errors, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it," the psychologists wrote, according to Psychology Today.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

17 signs of low intelligence, according to Redditors

"When presented with an statement that generalizes something, they will use an anecdote as a counterexample and think that it completely refutes the statement. Example: travelling in an airplane is generally safer than in a car. 'Actually that's not true, I know someone who died in an airplane crash.'" - Traditional_Rub_9828

"Refusal to learn, grow and change your views from evidence provided." - Userdataunavailable

"Confusing 'being loud' with 'being right.' The loudest person in the room is rarely the smartest." - Kernel_Slasher

"Actually referring to oneself as 'smart' in a general is often a good indicator too." - loku_gem

"Believing anything they see on social media." - Fabulous_Ady

"Lack of curiosity. Thinking they know it all." - Disastrous-Sky-8484

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Further than a lack of curiosity is never asking questions. It was something I heard about gorilla researchers who taught them sign language that in the years of gorilla sign language communications they never had a gorilla ask a question of a human. That simple process of recognizing you don't know/have something you want, understanding someone else likely does know what you want, and asking them actually takes a lot of brain power. Some parrots and exceptionally smart dogs can hit that threshold... And some very cognitively limited humans do not." - MildGenevaSuggestion

"They get annoyed by people who act curious, too. About anything. 'Why do you care?' 'Who cares?' Idk man, it's just interesting. Why shouldn't I care?" - Belle_Juive

"Not realizing that everything has nuances." - SecretHuckleberry720

"Refusing to consider they might be wrong." - Marry_Ennaria

"Not being able to understand or engage with hypotheticals. It is a meme online but that is actually a sign of low intelligence. Individuals with IQs under 90 often struggle with conditional hypotheticals—such as 'How would you feel if you hadn't eaten dinner?'—responding with factual rebuttals like 'But I did eat dinner.'" - Emergency-Resist-730

@baxate_carter

Even more low IQ traits from a year ago

"Severe impairment in metacognition - that is, a persistent inability to recognize one's own errors in thinking, monitor one's own reasoning, or adjust beliefs/behavior even when presented with clear contradictory evidence." - DiamondCalvesFan

"Ironically, Always having an answer. There is a lot of power in saying 'I don't know'." - Loose-Cicada5473, mattacular2001

"People who mock others instead of trying to understand them. Curiosity is usually a sign of intelligence." - cutiepie_00me

"Repeating the same mistakes and blaming everyone else." - Luckypiniece

"Bragging that you haven't read a book since high school." - tiger0204

"One move chess player. This is like an analogy to how some people think and act and vote. A good chess player is thinking 3 or more moves ahead. a bad one is playing one move ahead only. When people say things like 'Why should I pay school taxes if I don't have any kids!?' they are playing one move without thinking ahead. Better schools means a more educated populace means less crimes and more economic opportunity for your area, thus it benefits everyone whether they have kids or not." - ChickenMarsala4500

arthur c. brooks, harvard, psychology, happiness research, bucket list

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.


bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

This article originally appeared last year.

parenting, toddlers, bittersweet , nostalgia, kids, viral tiktok, parenting content, raising kids
via @nickgorman0/TikTok, used with permission

A lighthearted moment turns bittersweet with a painful realization.

Parenting is full of bittersweet moments. Every milestone toward independence—walking, talking, the first day of school—marks the end of something precious and fleeting, a time when parents are their children's entire world. So while these firsts are, of course, joyful, it's completely natural for parents to feel a sense of grief.

One such moment happened recently for Nick Gorman while he was filming his daughter playing in a puddle for the first time.


The now-viral clip, posted to TikTok, seems lighthearted enough. Gorman encourages his little one to splash in the water, and when she does, he gushes, "You know what this means? You're officially a kid. You're no longer a baby."

The phrase clearly hit harder than Gorman thought it would, because in the caption he wrote, "Well that realization hurt."

@nick.gorman8 Didn’t realize what I’d said until I watched the video later on…woof! #kiddos #toddlersoftiktok #aww #kidsoftiktok #dad ♬ These Memories - Hollow Coves

It's a realization that's pretty darn universal, as indicated by the thousands of other parents who chimed in on the TikTok video with their own similarly wistful stories:

"Today I heard my daughter getting into the Pop-Tarts while I was doing the dishes and dried my hands waiting for the inevitable 'daddy will you open this?' And then minutes went by, and silence. Curious, I poked my head around the corner and saw her eating them happily. She saw me and announced that she did it herself. I was so proud. But I still move the box up another shelf because I am not ready to stop helping her."

"My daughter used to call ketchup 'dip dip.' One day I asked if she wanted dip dip and she said 'it's ketchup mom.' My heart broke."

"My daughter used to hide from me when I'd get home from work. Came home expecting some elaborate hiding spot but she was just watching tv."

"One day I realized my babies quit calling me dada, and started saying daddy, and that was hard, but when I realized they had switched from daddy to dad that one had me in tears."

Experts seem to agree that when it comes to navigating these closing chapters, parents should permit themselves to feel whatever conflicting emotions arise and remember that it's a natural part of the process.

It's also important to remember that good things are still on the horizon. Every season brings its own special gifts and cherished memories. Even when kids finally leave the house to start their own adult lives, arguably the most bittersweet transition of all, parents are given the chance to explore other aspects of their identity that may have gone dormant during the more active days of parenthood.

Even Gorman seems to have recognized that his realization isn't entirely painful. In an interview with Newsweek, he shared, "While it's sad she's growing up, and we're already seeing our time with her pass, it's exciting at the same time to see her grow and experience new things—which is why I wanted to become a parent in the first place."

Nobody becomes a parent expecting things to become simpler. But most would argue that the trade-off is beyond worth it. And stories like these can remind parents that they're not alone in whatever feelings they're experiencing.

Health

Researchers tested 6 brands of bottled water against tap water, and there was a clear winner

New technology allowed them to analyze the water in ways they never could before.

water, workout, sweat, towell, woman at gym, bottled water, thirst

A woman drinking bottled water after a workout.

Ever since bottled water became popular in the 1990s, there has been a vigorous debate over whether it's healthier to drink bottled water or tap water. Bottled-water aficionados often claim it's purer than tap water because it's traditionally marketed as being "from the source" or having come from an untouched stream. That has to be cleaner than water that reaches your home after traveling from God-knows-where through city pipes, right?

What many people don't realize is that bottled water isn't regulated as stringently as tap water. Tap water is overseen by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), which requires more frequent testing and stricter disinfection standards. Bottled water is regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as a food product.


Tap water found to have fewer microplastics than bottled water

A recent study from The Ohio State University (OSU) delivered another big victory for Team Tap, finding that after testing six brands of bottled water against tap water from four water treatment plants, bottled water contained more than three times as many microplastics as tap water. The big problem is that plastic bottles can shed tiny plastic particles, smaller than a speck of dust, into the water when temperatures change, the cap is removed, or the bottle tumbles around in a purse or the back seat of a car.

tap water, kitchen water, boy drinking, thirsty boy, kitchen sink A boy drinking from the kitchen sink.via Canva/Photos

The tests revealed that the amount of microplastics in bottled water ranged from 2.6 to 11.5 million particles per liter, while tap water ranged from 1.6 to 2.6 million particles per liter. In the best-case scenario, tap water contains similar levels of microplastics, but in the worst-case scenario, bottled water contains more than seven times as many.

The researchers were surprised by their findings because nanoplastics are so small that they've been hard to quantify in the past.

"This lack of knowledge primarily reflects limitations in the methods to isolate and analyze the nanoplastics," said Megan Jamison Hart, a PhD candidate at OSU and the study's lead researcher. "In this study, we developed and validated a novel method for isolating MNPs [micro- and nanoplastics], allowing for the determination of their concentrations using scanning electron microscopy and identification using optical photothermal infrared spectroscopy (OPTIR)."

Are microplastics harmful to humans?

Much more research on microplastics is needed to determine their potential harm to humans. Studies have linked microplastics to impaired immune function, increased inflammation, and cellular damage in animals. Researchers believe that larger nanoplastics pass through the digestive tract and are eventually excreted. Smaller nanoplastics, however, may move into human tissues and even enter the brain.

"While we don't really fully understand the human health risks associated with nanoplastic exposure, it's still better to try and mitigate that risk because evidence indicates that they do cause problems, even if we're not fully aware of what those are yet," said Hart.

water bottle, plastic, thirsday woman, woman workout, workout clothes, A woman drinking out of a plastic water bottle. via Canva/Photos

Given that scientists have yet to determine the harm that micro- and nanoplastics can cause in our bodies, they believe it's best to avoid them as much as possible.

"We can make educated choices to try and reduce our daily exposure to these harmful chemicals," said Hart. "For the average person who is thirsty and wants a drink, the best way to do that would be drinking it straight out of the tap rather than grabbing pre-bottled water."

Hart told StudyFinds that the best thing to do is ditch bottled water and instead drink filtered tap water from a reusable metal bottle.

"This has definitely changed my own drinking habits," she said. "I was primarily a tap water drinker before, knowing that disposable bottles were bad for the environment, but this is something I am even more adamant about now, and I swapped my reusable plastic bottle for a reusable metal one."