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Family

Why some parents are cheering the new AAP breastfeeding recommendations

Hopefully, this new guidance will reduce judgment over breastfeeding toddlers.

breastfeeding, aap, motherhood
Photos via Canva

The AAP has updated the minimum recommended age for breastfeeding.

When my mom was breastfeeding my brother in 1972, someone asked her, "Are you still going to breastfeed him when he's in college?!" He was less than 6 months old at the time.

A long history had led to the prevailing negative attitude toward breastfeeding at that time, much of it having to do with the marketing of infant formula in the decades before my brother was born. My mom ended up breastfeeding him for almost a year, which was fairly radical in the early 1970s.

In many ways, attitudes have reversed in the decades since then, with official breastfeeding recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics influencing the "norm" for length of breastfeeding. Up until last month, the AAP recommendation was to breastfeed exclusively for six months and then continue to breastfeed until a child is at least 1 year of age. But citing the "remarkable" benefits of breastfeeding, the AAP has now updated its guidance to recommend breastfeeding for at least two years, and then however long is mutually desired between mom and baby.

The news has been met with a mix of reactions, from praise for finally aligning the guidance with that of the World Health Organization to criticism for adding to the pressure many moms feel to breastfeed. With a formula shortage crisis putting extra stress on families, judgments over infant feeding choices have unfortunately proliferated.

Judgment over breastfeeding flows both ways, however. Some people judge moms for not breastfeeding and some people judge moms for breastfeeding beyond a certain age. Both are wrong, of course, but one good thing about this new recommendation is that it will hopefully make breastfeeding well into toddlerhood seem less "weird" or "gross" to those who aren't used to the idea.

All three of my kids breastfed past age 2, and it definitely raised more than a few eyebrows. I can't count how many times I've heard someone say that if a child is old enough to ask to breastfeed, they're too old to breastfeed. But that's totally arbitrary. Every breastfeeding baby communicates a desire to eat; they just do it with cries and body language instead of words.

As the AAP statement points out, "Mothers who decide to breastfeed beyond the first year need support. They often report feeling ridiculed or alienated in their choice and conceal their breastfeeding behavior to minimize unsolicited judgment and comments."

Everyone has a different threshold for how old they feel is "too old" to breastfeed (usually whatever age they are used to seeing), so what this updated guidance from the AAP does is establish a new "norm." That's welcome news for those who breastfeed longer than a year. It makes a difference to have an official entity not only endorse, but actively recommend, something society tends to react negatively to.

At the same time, many families face obstacles to breastfeeding for any amount of time. I was fortunate to not have to navigate breastfeeding and working full-time when I had babies, my mom was a lactation consultant who helped me get breastfeeding established, and my close friends and family were supportive. I had every structural and social support in place to make breastfeeding happen.

The AAP did add the caveat that there needs to be a lot more support for mothers to help more families be successful in whatever breastfeeding goals they may have.

"Not everyone can breastfeed or continue breastfeeding for as long as desired for various reasons, including workplace barriers. Families deserve nonjudgmental support, information and help to guide them in feeding their infant,” said lead author Joan Younger Meek, MD, MS, RD, FAAP, FABM, IBCLC.

While every family absolutely has to do what works for them, it is helpful to have recommendations from the experts and official acknowledgment that support is key for success, no matter how long a child breastfeeds.

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Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase: "When are you bringing them over?" Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Pets

Family posts a very chill note to neighbors explaining why their dog is on the roof

“We appreciate your concern but please do not knock on our door.."

via Reddit

Meet Huckleberry the dog.

If you were taking a stroll through a quiet neighborhood in 2017 and happened to catch a glance of this majestic sight, you might bat an eye. You might do a double take. If you were (somewhat understandably) concerned about this surprising roof-dog's welfare, you might even approach the homeowners to tell them, "Uh, I'm not sure if you know but...there's a dog on your roof."

Well, the family inside is aware that there's often a dog on their roof. It's their pet Golden, Huckleberry, and he just sorta likes it up there. In fact, he likes it up there so much that he's got his own website: HucktheRoofDog.com.

To put passersby at ease and ebb the parade of concerned parties knocking on their door, Huckleberry's humans put up a note explaining the whole weird scenario to those interested:

dog on the roof; posted notice about dog on the roof

There’s a dog on the wooof!

via Reddit

It reads:

"Huckleberry is living up to his name and learned how to jump onto our roof from the backyard. We never leave him in the backyard without someone being at home. He will not jump off unless you entice him with food or a ball!""

We appreciate your concern but please do not knock on our door... we know he's up there! But please feel free to take pictures of him and share with the world! #hucktheroofdog."

Of course, they ended it with a hashtag for photos shared on social media. Also, it seems a little strange that the owners mention that Huck is willing to jump 10 feet off a roof to chase food or a ball, but do nothing to suggest that people refrain from urging their dog to make that (seemingly dangerous) leap. Maybe Huck's got the whole process down to the point it's just not a concern.

This may seem like a pretty odd phenomenon, but not so odd that there isn't a whole corner of Reddit devoted to dogs who just seem to really, really enjoy roofs. It's called r/dogsonroofs, and boy does it ever deliver on that name.

Huckleberry was featured in People and on The Today Showthroughout 2017 and soon garnered thousands of followers on Instagram. Since then, his owners adopted a couple more dogs who share their big brother's affinity for rooftop views. They've also shared the "roof dog" love with merchandise and even a children's book of Huck's adventures, aptly titled, Huck the Roof Dog, in 2023.

Unfortunately, the family shared that in October 2023 after a beautiful high-in-the-sky life, Huck passed away due to cancer.

It's bittersweet, but now Huck's gone beyond the roof and into the clouds. Rest well, Roof Dog!


This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

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psychology
Internet

No one noticed what this woman was staring at when they chose her for their label

The art history behind this pasta label is jarring.

Label for Middle Earth Organics' Organic Tomato & Porcini Mushroom Sauce

Interesting choice, to say the least.

No matter how you feel about it, everyone can agree that art is interesting. It makes us think. And one of the greatest things about art is that it can be interpreted a thousand different ways depending on the eye of the beholder. The artist usually has some intent when they initially create a piece, but once it's out in the public eye, its meaning can be anything. It can also be used for anything (barring copyrights, which do not come into play in this story).

Enter Middle Earth Organics and their pasta sauce. Middle Earth Organics is known for their organic pasta sauces, and each label on their products features a famous Italian painting.


Cool, but what about it? Well, the painting they chose for their tomato and porcini mushroom sauce has been stirring up controversy online.

\u200bLabel for Middle Earth Organics' Organic Tomato & Porcini Mushroom Sauce

What you looking at?

Label for Middle Earth Organics' Organic Tomato & Porcini Mushroom Sauce

Beautiful and a little haunting, the painted woman on the label is quite arresting. But what is she looking at? Sorry to burst any bubbles, but the woman in the painting above is not staring with intense concentration at a pot of delicious, simmering sugo.

"Judith Beheading Holofernes" by Caravaggio (1599)

Good evening. Hungry?

"Judith Beheading Holofernes" by Caravaggio (1599)

No. This is what she's looking at: the man she's beheading. The image comes from the painting, "Judith Beheading Holofernes," by the artist Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio (known simply as Caravaggio) in 1599. Judith, seen above, is not making an al dente delight. Judith is cutting off some dude's head.

The artwork depicts an often-painted Biblical episode from the apocryphal "Book of Judith," a work excluded from the Hebrew and Protestant Bibles (but included in the Septuagint). The story goes that an Assyrian general, Holofernes, was about to destroy Bethulia, the home of beautiful Jewish widow, Judith. Judith is invited into Holofernes' tent where she then plies him with drink until he passes out and decapitates him. Not exactly the most appetizing story.

As 11., the unofficial authority on art history, noted, "That unfortunate painting selection could've been avoided if they'd just hired an art history major."

Still, it is on theme for the brand's packaging. Take a look at the art inspired lineup of sauces.

a line of pasta sauces featuring classic Italian artwork

The historical tomato sauce line up.

Middle Earth Organics Pasta Sauces

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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culture
Joy

Can you figure out what this doodle is?

Once you see it, you’ll never unsee it.

via Facebook

Do you see it?

Facebook user Savannah Root from Missouri stared at the photo above for hours before she finally figured out what it was.

Everyone that sees it either gets it right away or sits there stumped. The picture is so mystifying that after one week, it was shared over 33,000 times.

For the solution, scroll down past the comments to reveal the hidden picture.

a Facebook post of a meme that reads, "I cannot unsee what has been seen"

Is it formidable?

assets.rebelmouse.io

Facebook comment that reads, "Oh! It's amazing when it suddenly appears!"

Amazing!

via Facebook

A Facebook comment that reads, "I had a freaking light bulb moment for a second.. #cantunsee"

A light bulb moment.

via Facebook

Facebook comment that reads, "I'm so stressed looking at this."

Stressing out.

via Facebook

Facebook comment that reads, "Just got it very good. At first I thought it was a wasp carrying something with its legs (side on)."

Not an insect.

via Facebook

It's a cowboy with half of his face obscured by a shadow. Facebook user Cristian-Dumitru Popescu created a cool graphic that explains it.

optical illusion of a cowboy labeled so viewers can see the image clearly.

The cowboy face breakdown.

via Facebook

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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