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Parenting

New mom films emotional message on her last day of maternity leave with twins

"I just don't feel ready physically and mentally."

New mom films emotional message on her last day of maternity leave with twins
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Taking time off after having a baby is full of paradoxes. It can be strange, and a little boring and monotonous. It's jarring, especially for a busy career-oriented person, to suddenly be at home all the time doing laundry, dishes, and taking the occasional stroller walk. There's a part of you that gets restless and can't wait for it to be over. And that's why it's weird when dread kicks in the moment you realize your leave is almost up.

For many mothers, it can be hard to let go of that time with your baby — time you never really get back. Or, in some cases, babies.

One new mom of twins recently discussed the complicated emotions she was feeling on her very last day of maternity leave.


person's hand holding baby feet Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

TikTok user Marissa Jeanne couldn't hold back her tears as she held her babies and tried to describe the emotional toll she was facing on the eve of her return to work.

“Today is my last day of maternity leave, and I go back to work tomorrow. And I just feel like I haven't had enough time with them," she began bluntly.

“I know I got longer than a lot of women get with three months, but I just don't feel ready physically and mentally. I feel like there's so much that you think that you are going to do on maternity leave. I think you're going to accomplish so many things and do so many things with your babies. And then here I am at the end and I'm like, ‘I didn't do any of that,' but I feel like I did do a lot of this and that's one of the most important things,” she says of cuddling her sleeping babies.

“I think the hardest part is it's just like such an abrupt change that you're with your babies all the time, and then you pick them up from daycare and you might just get a few hours with them. So that's just such an abrupt change, and it's really hard.”

Moms often get pigeonholed once their babies come into the world. People assure them that their priorities will shift and they'll probably stop caring about their career (a bias sometimes called the 'maternal wall' that causes all kinds of problems when it comes to hindering moms in their work). Marissa perfectly explained how it's possible, and quite common, to want both things at once — even if it's hard.

“I also love my career. I am proud of what I do, but there's always that mom guilt of you're not giving enough time to your kids, but you can't do it all. You can't give 100% to everything. I think that's something important to remember,” she says.

“I just feel so honored to be their mom and to have gotten the past three months with them. So I'm really grateful for that. For all the working moms out there, you're amazing. Yeah, you can't do it all, but you're doing the best that you can for your kids and that's all that matters.”

Watch the whole video from Marissa's TikTok here:

@marissa_jeanne

Last day of maternity leave and I am a mess. There’s nothing that prepares you for this day in your postpartum journey. #maternityleave #maternityleaveover #postpartumjourney #pospartum #3monthspostpartum #backtowork #workingmom #workingmoms #workingmomstruggles #twinmom

People in the comments were quick to point out: It doesn't have to be this way.

"Maternity leave in the US is way too short," one user wrote.

"Our instincts want us to say with the babies," said another.

"This breaks my heart! It's so unnatural for a mom to be separated from her tiny babies," added another user.

One person noted that since Marissa had twins, she should technically get double the time off. Hard to argue that one!

Other users were quick to share examples of how parental leave in other countries puts the US to shame.

In Germany, parents can take up to three years of leave without losing their jobs! It's unpaid, but parents may apply for an allowance from the government during that time, even if they had no prior income.

In Romania, parents are entitled to 126 days of leave at 85% of their prior pay.

Maternity leave in the UK can be up to a whopping 52 weeks, with 39 of those weeks being paid (starting at 90% of their average earnings and decreasing after 6 weeks). Canada? 15 weeks of paid leave (at only 55% pay, but still!) and an additional unpaid 35 weeks after that.

When you list it out like that, 3 months of unpaid leave is absolutely pathetic. But as Marissa's reaction points out, it's not just the pay.

First, there's the physical toll. Recovering from giving birth could take 6-8 weeks at a minimum, but probably much, much longer. So we're sending moms back to work when they've just barely gotten back on their feet.

And then, even worse, there's the emotional. When your babies are just a few weeks old, you're still deep in the bonding phase, and it's unimaginably jarring to have to cut it so short and drop them off at daycare so you can go back to work so soon. Plus, about 15% of moms will have postpartum depression, which can last for several years. And a whopping 85% will deal with the "baby blues" — hormonal fluctuations that occur after giving birth for several weeks and cause anxiety, crying, and temporary depression.

Most people would agree that 3 months is just really fast to be separated from brand new babies.

It's just sad that moms who work don't get a choice. If you're not ready to go back in 3 months, there's no guarantee that you could extend your leave and keep your job. Even if your family could handle the financial strain of a longer unpaid leave period, it's just not an option for most people. It makes new parents feel cornered and scared, and frustrated by a system that's setting them up to fail.

Luckily, things are steadily getting a little bit better, with more states adopting paid leave policies and more individual employers getting on board. Let's keep the momentum going, because we've got a long way to go.

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We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

Canva

Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Celebrity

An over 30-year-old interview with Randy Savage is going viral because of his awesome take on masculinity

"I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more."

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"Macho Man'" Randy Savage during a 1992 appearance on "The Arsenio Hall Show."

A surprisingly wholesome video clip of the late iconic professional wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage went viral in 2022 for the surprisingly vulnerable answer he gave when asked if he ever cries.

The 1992 interview with Arsenio Hall began with Hall joking that Savage's middle name is 'Macho,' and asking if he ever cried. If you're not familiar with professional wrestling in the 1980s and early '90s, it was common for the biggest names of the day—Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Mr. Perfect and, of course, Macho Man—to take on personas that often embodied what we might now call "toxic masculinity." Many of them were after all what they call "heels," in wrestling circles, aka the bad guys.

So, it was pretty surprising to see the downright deep and wholesome response Savage gave to Hall without hesitation.

"It's OK for macho men to show every emotion available," Savage says in the clip. "I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more."

This explanation of macho men being able to show all emotions was probably just as relevant then as it is now. The notion that it's not just OK, but completely normal and acceptable for men to cry goes against everything that some masculine norms have told boys from a young age. Not being able to express authentic emotions outside of anger can lead to mental health issues in men.

Watch the full clip below:

"I've soared with the eagles, I've slithered with the snakes and I've been everywhere in between," Savage continued. "Understand this: Nobody likes a quitter. Nobody said life was easy. So, if you get knocked down, take the standing eight count, get back up and fight again!"

As a public figure that boys, teens, and young men looked up to, it was pretty incredible to see Savage appear on national television and dispel the myth that tough guys don't cry and then take it one step further by proudly stating that he himself had cried "a thousand times" was powerful.

While this interview was filmed in the '90s, boys and men today are still fighting against the cultural norm of the hyper-masculine male image that includes bottling up emotions and not asking for help. All men experience a range of emotions, including sadness, because men are people and Macho Man is here to remind everyone it's OK to cry. Even when you're "macho."


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Family

Busy mom overcome with emotion when elderly man says the perfect thing to her

He chose positivity and it made all the difference.

via Canva/Photos

A happy mother and her smiling child.

Parents of newborns know they are in the middle of a joyous and stressful era. But far too often, the people they run into choose to frame things negatively when talking to them about their young child. They’ll say things like, “Don’t worry, it gets better” or “Boy, do you have your hands full.”

That’s why Steph Morrison's video on TikTok touched so many hearts. It’s about the fantastic things that can happen when people choose to see things in a positive light instead of a negative one.

“The sweetest thing just happened,” Morrison begins in her video. “I was just finishing my walk and we were just pulling down our street and this old man, he stopped so we could walk by because we’ve got the double-wide stroller that takes up the whole space, and he goes ‘Wow! You’re going to have a lot of fun.’"

The comment blindsided Morrison because it reframed how she looks at being a parent.

@_stephmorrison_

I never would have guessed what the man would say nor did I ever predict tears would roll down my face like they did. Thankful for this sweet glimmer from God 🫶🏼✨ #momspiration #momsoftiktok #momsover30 #quotesforyou #momquotes #postpartumjourney #postpartumlife #happywords #happinessbegins #creatorsearchinsights

“I don’t know why I’m getting emotional telling you now. But most people say, ‘You’ve got your hands full’ and it’s my biggest pet peeve, but he was so sweet and I could, like, see the memories flash through his eyeballs as he said that to me: ‘You’re going to have a lot of fun.’”

“Like, dang! That’s the type of vibe and energy I’m going to bring to motherhood,” she continued. “I was having a really great time with the kids already, so I don’t know why I’m crying while telling you this. But if you’re a mother out there, I hope you’re having a lot of fun, too, because why not?”

Everyone knows that parenting can be hard. But it’s also filled with joy, laughter, hope, possibilities and new experiences. The elderly man’s comments were a great reminder to Morrison and her followers to focus on the joy and possibilities of being a parent instead of the challenges and hard work.



The video struck a chord with mothers in the comments who shared similar experiences.

“An older man in the grocery store stopped me when my son was 8 months old and said, ‘Young enough to still talk to the angels, put in a good word for me!’” Rachel wrote. “My only son is 7 months old. I can’t have any more kids due to life-threatening complications at birth. The other day, a man said to me, ‘He gets to have you all to himself. Isn’t that so special?’” Happy_Gilmoree added.

CaitlinPrice25 hit the nail on the head. “Society makes us feel like kids are a burden,” she wrote. “Just a little change of perspective can make all the difference.”

A positive mindset can make life much easier for parents, but it’s also great for their children. Children look to their parents and model their behavior; those with a positive attitude are likely to raise happy, optimistic children. “A mother’s ability to model positivity becomes a powerful tool in shaping a child’s character, fostering qualities such as kindness, compassion, and a positive outlook on life,” The Motherhood Center in Houston, Texas, writes.

The story also reminds everyone, whether they are parents or not, of the importance of leading with positivity when dealing with others. The man could have said something cliché such as “I hope you’re getting enough sleep,” but instead, he reminded Morrison of the joy of parenting, and she made his remark her north star. That’s the power of positivity.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Delivery driver's reaction to snacks left for him shows how a little kindness goes a long way

'Seeing a grown man get so excited about Capri Sun is extra wholesome.'

via Toni Barnett/TikTok

"Dee" the delivery guy stoked to get some Doritos.

Sometimes the smallest gesture can change someone’s day for the better, especially when that act of kindness lets them know their work is appreciated. During the pandemic, delivery drivers have done a fantastic job keeping people healthy, so Toni Hillison Barnett told KKCO News 11 that she and her husband started a tradition of leaving snacks for their drivers on the front porch around 2020.

The Barnetts, who live in Louisville, Kentucky, can see the drivers' reactions by recording them on their doorbell cameras. “I live for reactions like this to our snack cart! Thx to all of the delivery drivers out there! We appreciate you!” Toni wrote on an Instagram post.

Recently, one of the Barnetts’ delivery guys, a joyous fellow that we believe is known as Dee, went viral on TikTok because of his positive reaction to receiving some snacks during his deliveries. The snacks are tasty, no doubt. But it’s also wonderful to feel appreciated. After Toni posted the video, it received more than 100,000 views.

“Oh my God, you guys are the best, I gotta take a snapshot of this,” Dee can be heard saying in the video. “Oh, Capri Suns are my favorite. Yes!”

@toniraebarnett

Snacks for our delivery drivers. This reaction might be one of the best! #snackcart #fyp #ups #nestcam #christmas #delivery #foryou

“Seeing a grown man get so excited about Capri Sun is extra wholesome," abigailbaet wrote on the TikTok post.

A fellow delivery driver explained the reason why he probably appreciated the gift so much: "I'm a delivery driver and so far had one house to do this … it was the best. Half the time we don't have time for a break and work 10+ hours," Michelle Mumpower wrote.

Dee returned for another delivery and found more snacks waiting for him. The follow-up video received more than 400,000 views.

“Thank you! Oh yes, no way, we’re back again with the Capri Sun,” he continued. “I think this is where I went viral, isn’t it? You guys are awesome. Thank you. Doritos … Thank you, have a great day. Thank you for making me go viral.”

@toniraebarnett

Replying to @itskatiepatton Dee is back again and we had the @caprisun waiting! TY tiktok for making this awesome @ups driver go viral!! The world needs more of his energy & attitude! 🤍 #snackcart #ups #caprisun #wholesome #fyp #foryoupage #christmas

The driver may have found out that the video was popular after a friend told him she saw it on the platform. “That’s my friend Dee!!!! He’s the best,” Katie wrote.

“Oh I'm so glad you commented! I was hoping someone would claim him! What an awesome vibe he has!! Tell him I'll keep the @Caprisun stocked!” Toni responded.

According to NBC News 11, the family has been giving out snacks to delivery drivers for the past three years as a thank-you for all of the hard work they’ve done since the beginning of the pandemic.

It’s touching to see a kind gesture of appreciation be accepted with such glee. It’s also wonderful that the videos have been seen by so many people, because they’re a wonderful reminder for all of us to show our appreciation to the people that are the backbone of our communities. As the Barnetts have shown us, sometimes a small gesture can make a big difference. Oh yeah, and be sure to stock some Capri Suns while you’re at it, just in case Dee is working in your neighborhood.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Parenting

2 years before ChatGPT, a kids cartoon warned us about the environmental impacts of AI

Kids should know what AI can and can't do, and what it really costs. Doc McStuffins is on the case.

Disney Jr./YouTube, Unsplash

My 4-year-old watches so much Doc McStuffins that the show has basically become white noise in my household. It's the only thing she'll watch, so when it's on in the background, I barely notice — outside of the absurdly catchy songs living rent-free in my head 24/7. But the other day, she was watching one particular episode when I half tuned in just to see what the plot was.

If you don't have kids in this age bracket, Doc McStuffins is a 10-year-old girl who helps fix up broken toys. It's a really cute show with sweet messages on acceptance, accessibility, imagination, caring, and more. But the episode in question seemed to have a lot more going on plot-wise than the usual, so I sat down and watched a little more. And pretty soon I was hooked into a fascinating story about the climate dangers of Artificial Intelligence and automation. I couldn't believe it!

'The Great McStuffins Meltdown' explained

Season 5, Episode 13. Doc McStuffins, in the previous season, has stopped running her toy-doctoring practice out of her childhood home and now works at McStuffins Toy Hospital. In this episode, it has received a major upgrade with lots of fancy new equipment.

The new machines do a lot of the work that Doc and her friends used to do around the hospital. There's a machine that plays with and encourages toy pets, a Cuddle Bot that cuddles sick toys, and even a Check-Up 3000 that gives routine medical care so the Doc herself can do other things. Doc and her friends are a little bored, and the patients aren't so sure about these new machines, but mostly, things are going pretty great. The hospital is able to help more toys, faster this way.

But oh no! Doc gets a distress call from her friends at the Toyarctic, a fictional frozen land where toys live. Chunks of ice have been breaking off their glaciers. The Toyarctic is melting!

Doc and her friends quickly figure out that the Toyarctic has gotten too warm, which is causing the ice to melt. And the culprit is McStuffins Hospital. With all the new automated machines running, the hospital is using too much power and overheating the power grid, which is causing the Toyarctic's climate to warm at a dangerous rate.

I mean... woah! Doc McStuffins definitely did not have to go this hard, but I respect it.

What fascinated me most was that this episode was released in 2020 — a full two years before ChatGPT became publicly available and the AI craze kicked into hyperdrive.

Disney Jr./YouTube

AI and climate change are both inevitable parts of our children's lives. It's crucial that they learn about them both from a young age.

AI is moving so fast and changing every day. It's also publicly available to people of all ages, and so many of us don't understand how it works very well. That's a dangerous combination. Teachers and college professors everywhere are bemoaning that more and more kids are using AI to write their papers and do their homework without ever learning the material.

And, of course, the even bigger elephant in the room is climate change, which will play a major role in our children's lives as they grow into adults. Parents are desperate for some way to help their kids understand how big of a deal it is. A report from This Is Planeted states "Nearly 70% of parents and caregivers surveyed in 2022 believed children’s media should include age-appropriate information about climate, and 74% agreed that children’s media should include climate solutions," but that less than 5% of the most popular children's shows and family films have any content or themes related to climate change.

(I'd be curious how much of the heavy lifting the GOAT Captain Planet is still doing!)

captain planet flyingGiphy

What's not being talked about enough — unless you're a McStuffins-head like my family is — is the relationship between AI and climate change.

In short: It's not good! AI seems like a quick and fun thing we can access on our phones and computers, but the massive data centers that perform the calculations behind this 'intelligence' consume staggering amounts of power and water, while generating heat and harmful emissions. Promises of more energy-efficient intelligence models, like DeepSeek, are murky at best.

Scientific American even writes that the environmental impact of AI goes far beyond its emissions and energy usage. What is it being used for? In many cases, to make things faster and bigger — including industries that can harm the Earth like logging, drilling, fast fashion.

I was so impressed that a show popular with children as young as 2 could tackle such an urgent and important topic.

Watching it together opened doors for us to begin age-appropriate conversations with both of our kids about AI, climate change, and how the two are related. Conversations that, I'm sure, we'll be continuing to have and build on for years to come.

To be fair, Artificial Intelligence can do some good things. You see this play out on the show. Initially, it does help the hospital treat more toys! And in the real world, for all the negative environmental effects, there are people out there trying to use AI to monitor emissions and create more energy-efficient practices that might ultimately help the planet.

In the end, Doc McStuffins and her friends decide to shut down the fancy automated machines at the hospital. Not only are they hurting the toys that live in the Toyarctic, they just aren't as good as the real thing. They don't always know the right questions to ask, they don't make the patients feel safe or cared for, and of course, their machine-cuddles don't come with any real warmth or love.

If nothing else, I hope that's the message that sticks with my kids long after they've outgrown this show.

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