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Millennials nearing 40 are sharing their biggest mistakes so everyone can learn from them

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses.

millennials, regrets, millennial life lessons
via Pexels

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

1.

"Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2.

"Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

3.

"Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4. 

"Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

5.

"Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6.

"Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7.

"I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

8.


"Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9.

"I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10.

"I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

11.


"I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12.

"Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

13.

"I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14.

"If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15.

"Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

16.

"Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17.

"Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.

1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.

2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.

3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.

4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses." — [Deleted]

18.

"When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19.

"I imagine these are kinda universal:

  • Not getting fit and healthy
  • Assuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goals
  • Assuming higher education would help me achieve my goals
  • Spending far too long caring what people think
  • Not taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to lose
  • Staying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

20.

"Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply

21.

"Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Mom shares 4-part secret to making her home "the house" for her son and his friends.

Con: They eat all your food. Pro: You'll learn to know and trust the people they spend their time with.

hi.im.amywhite/Instagram

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozens, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to exist somewhere in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or, so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed me and all my friends every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house was probably a small price to pay.

One mom has perfectly encapsulated why turning her home into "the house" for her son and his friends was so valuable and exactly how she did it.


Giphy

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break". I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.

Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."


Teenagers will ravage your kitchenMichael Richards Eating GIFGiphy

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"

"we never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

Just "Don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

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Woman finds her grandpa's resume from 1946 and it's a fascinating time capsule

It's refreshingly earnest, for starters.

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How was job hunting 79 years ago?

I've always loved looking at old family photos. Of course, I love the ones from when I was a kid, but I've always been fascinated by the ones that go back even further than that. I love the snapshots of life we find from 50 or even 100 years ago, in what looks like a completely different universe. It's one thing to see old-fashioned clothes or cars in a film, but to see evidence that they really existed is really wild and powerful in a way.

Even better is if you can find more than just old photos of your parents, grandparents, and other relatives. Handwritten letters, old documents—these are absolute treasures that really bring the past to life.

Kyra Shishko's grandfather, Ellsworth Rosen, recently passed away at the incredible age of 100. When going through his things, Shishko discovered an old resume that he'd written way back in 1946.

gif of men boarding a boatAll the way back to World War IIGiphy

She posted it to the subreddit r/TheWayWeWere, which serves as a collection of photos and documents of how people lived 50, 100, or more years ago. Social media users were fascinated by the document, with the post racking up thousands of likes and over 300 comments.

Rosen was an English major who served in World War II, where he wrote for Stars and Stripes, a military newspaper. The CV details his experience as "liaison with French newspaper reporters in Marseille" and as company interpreter in French and German.

Other highlights of the resume include:

Numerous typos! The resume would have been typed on a typewriter, and this may have been an early draft. But it's still amusing for the modern reader to see because a typo in a modern resume would be an instant death-knell if detected by the AI screeners.

A physical description: He notes that he's "Single," "68 [inches] tall", and "180 pounds."

A list of hobbies: Perhaps the most iconic part of the resume is that his interests include "theater, sports, chess, and women." Hey, can't blame a guy for being honest! He also casually mentions hitch-hiking around the United States under the 'Travel' section.

A distinct lack of corporate buzzwords: While Ellsworth certainly puts some effort into making himself sound good here, the whole thing is pretty matter of fact. There are no ballooned figures or gussied-up verbs (say, coordinated streamlined delivery of paper to 50,000 subscribers). It definitely harkens back to a simpler time when standing out on the job market wasn't so cutthroat.

In all seriousness though, for as odd as it looks compared to modern resumes, this CV speaks to an incredible amount of life-lived even to this young point in Ellsworth's life.

You can see the entire document and viral post here:

Commenters loved seeing this unique time capsule. Old photos and letters get passed down in most families, but a resume is a rather unusual find.

"That is such a fantastic piece of family history!"

"What a special document, and testament to the incredible life your grandfather lived."

"I find it fascinating the kinds of things that seemed relevant on a resume at that time that we wouldn't think of putting on a resume today. In fact, sometimes It's the opposite where employers don't want to know those things so they can avoid discrimination, such as a description of looks."

"What a fascinating glimpse into the past. A resume that reads like a life well-lived, with a dash of charm that modern applications lack. The simplicity of it is refreshing and reminds us that sometimes, the best qualifications aren't just what you can type out on a computer."

gif of an older car driving down a streetThe way we were. Giphy

The older you get, the more you appreciate opportunities to see your parents and grandparents as normal human beings who once stood where you stand. Before they were the fully grown, fully formed authority figures in your life, they were kids, teens, and young adults themselves just trying to figure it all out.

It's also important to know about your own roots, and learn as much as you can about the story of how you came to be. We absorb and learn a lot of our values from our grandparents and the stories they tell us about their younger years. Finding photos, letters, and other old documents that help give those stories texture helps keep them alive in our memories and ensure their lessons live on with even greater potency.

"I was so touched by this resume because I always knew him at the tail end of his impressive life and it was so fascinating to see how he started," Shisko told Newsweek. "I hope people see the resume as a way to relate. Human behavior is a through line and people are generally similar, if not also products of the time they live in. This resume is indicative of just a 23-year-old man putting an unpolished, slightly embellished version of himself on paper, hoping to start a life and make a living."

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Why 'boomer panic' is a real thing, not just generational bashing

There's a heartbreaking reason behind the problem.

via Canva/Photos

What is "boomer panic"?

In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “boomer panic” to explain how baby boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

“I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

Many people raised by boomers understood what she meant by "boomer panic." "Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic," the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain boomer panic in an empathetic way.

“Well, it's likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.

TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

Day’s boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday

It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting

There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something "boomer panic," but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

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Roald Dahl’s letter about his 7-yr-old dying from measles is a must read for our time

The children’s book author doesn’t mince words.

Carl Van Vechten/Public Domain (left), Photo credit: Canva (right)

Roald Dahl's daughter contracted measles the year before the vaccine was invented.

On February 26, 2025, officials announced that a child in Texas had died of measles, becoming the first death from the disease in the U.S. in a decade. A local outbreak among unvaccinated people highlights the dangers of anti-vaccine sentiment that has affected vaccine rates and opened the door to a highly infectious disease that was considered eliminated in the U.S. in 2000.

A century ago, before the measles vaccine was developed and distributed, measles was a common childhood disease that nearly everyone caught at some point. But it wasn't harmless. Of the 3 to 4 million cases per year, 48,000 people were hospitalized and 400 to 500 people died. According to Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, the disease itself is dangerous and can also lead to pneumonia, encephalitis, brain damage, and other health problems.

Children's author Roald Dahl lost his 7-year-old daughter Olivia to measles-induced encephalitis in 1962, the year before the measles vaccine was invented. Over two decades later, he wrote a heart wrenching letter about her death, encouraging people to vaccinate their children to avoid that now-preventable tragedy.

roald dahlAuthor Roald Dahl in 1954, before his daughter Olivia was born.Carl Van Vechten/Public Domain

He wrote:

"My eldest daughter caught measles when she was seven years old. As the illness took its usual course I can remember reading to her often in bed and not feeling particularly alarmed about it. Then one morning, when she was well on the road to recovery, I was sitting on her bed showing her how to fashion little animals out of coloured pipe cleaners, and when it came to her turn to make one herself, I noticed that her fingers and her mind were not working together and she couldn’t do anything.

'Are you feeling all right?' I asked her. 'I feel all sleepy,' she said.

In an hour, she was unconscious. In 12 hours she was dead.

The measles had turned into a terrible thing called measles encephalitis and there was nothing the doctors could do to save her. That was 24 years ago in 1962, but even now, if a child with measles happens to develop the same deadly reaction from measles as Olivia did, there would still be nothing the doctors could do to help her.


measles rashMeasles often causes a skin rash in addition to flu-like symptoms.Photo credit: Canva

On the other hand, there is today something that parents can do to make sure that this sort of tragedy does not happen to a child of theirs. They can insist that their child is immunised against measles. I was unable to do that for Olivia in 1962 because in those days a reliable measles vaccine had not been discovered. Today a good and safe vaccine is available to every family and all you have to do is to ask your doctor to administer it.

It is not yet generally accepted that measles can be a dangerous illness.

Believe me, it is. In my opinion, parents who now refuse to have their children immunised are putting the lives of those children at risk…It really is almost a crime to allow your child to go unimmunised."

one of Roald Dahl's drawings of the Big Friendly Giant holding a little girl. Tech, Science, & Innovationwww.facebook.com

Dahl wrote his letter to parents in the United Kingdom in 1988, but it's just as relevant today. While some parents worry about the side effects of vaccines and rumors about the MMR (Measles, Mumps, and Rubella) vaccine being linked to autism, studies have shown that there is no evidence that the MMR vaccine causes autism and according to Johns Hopkins, "Measles is a dangerous disease and the vaccine is very safe. The risks of severe illness, death, or lifelong complications from measles infection far outweigh the generally mild side effects some people experience following vaccination. Serious reactions to the MMR vaccine are rare." There is still no cure for measles or measles encephalitis.

Dahl dedicated two of his books to Olivia: James and the Giant Peach when she was still alive and The BFG after her death. Though his books have long been controversial and his legacy has been marred by antisemitism and racism that his family felt the need to formally apologize for, Dahl was right about vaccines. His experience losing his daughter serves as a cautionary tale for those who may be tempted to take the drastic reduction in infectious diseases due to vaccines for granted.

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Woman's weight loss transformation has created wild interactions, thanks to her ID photo

“‘So, you used to be fat?’”

Photo credit: Canva

An odd case of keeping up appearances...

Hardly any of us feel waves of joy when whipping out our ID photo in all its poorly lit glory, but very rarely does it cause quite as many problems as it has for Alex McCartney. In a video recently shared to her TikTok, the Pilates instructor in training recalled two separate events in which looking different than her driver’s license image caused major headaches.

The first ordeal was at Trader Joe’s, as McCartney was attempting to purchase a bottle of wine. The cashier, who thought the image “looked like a completely different person,” ended up asking her to recite her birthday, address, and card issue date.

Understandably, McCartney had no earthly idea what the issue date was, and a manager had to be called up to get a second opinion. It's here that we learned McCartney had lost a bit of weight…enough to be completely unrecognizable it seems.

But wait, there’s more! Previously, McCartney had been on a date at a pub, and she found herself in the exact same situation when she tried to order a pitcher of beer, handed the bartender her ID, and the bartender asked someone else to verify it.

@alexmccartneyy Who really looks like their id anyways??? #hingedating #storytime #rant #id ♬ original sound - Alex McCartney

McCartney’s date had been curious as to why she received so much scrutiny for her photo, and the bartender chimed in with, “‘Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. She used to be a lot heavier in this photo.’” A bit embarrassed, McCartney tried to make light of it, confirming, “Yeeeeah I lost a little weight but I didn’t think I was unrecognizable.”

Apparently not picking up on any social cues, her date then says, “‘So, you used to be fat?’” And even though McCartney warned him that, “I’m not having fun in this conversation, like, this is not an enjoyable topic,” he still ended up making a few jabs, like making fun of her for ordering only one pizza slice instead of two. Needless to say, this date didn’t become a relationship.

Both of these fiascos led McCartney to offer this PSA: “Take this as a reminder that you should go get your ID photo changed.”

Seems like McCartney isn’t the only one to have dealt with this kind of issue. Quite a few folks shared their own not-so pleasant stories of seemingly getting punished for not matching their license photos—whether that be from weight loss, or simply looking older.

“I am also turning 30. My photo is from when I was 21. Someone at the grocery store literally said ‘wow, some things have changed since this photo.” LIKE MA’AM I DID NOT ASK FOR A COMMENT,” one person wrote,

Another added, “I quite literally had my real ID questioned because my hair was longer in my ID photo." As if haircuts do not exist.

It’s an interesting conundrum. Obviously, the employees in these scenarios are by and large just doing their job by questioning a person when they don't match their photo ID. However, what people are truly taking umbrage with is how it seems to open the doors for unsolicited criticism. As with this instance, even losing weight doesn’t protect you from body shaming remarks that just don’t feel good. Maybe we can take this as a reminder that commenting on someone's appearance—even on an outdated ID—can do more harm than good.

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