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Millennials are struggling to be the dads they thought they'd be. This study shows why.

American work policies are making it harder for young fathers to "have it all."

Young men today grew up planning to "have it all."

The fulfilling job...

Millennials have been found to care more about having a job that both pays the bills and has an impact.

...the satisfying, equal partnership...

Millennials have the most feminist generation of men yet. They are a lot more equal in their beliefs about family and gender roles and want to be a true equal in every aspect of their relationships.

...and the ability to be a present father.

Part of their more egalitarian beliefs stems in the desire to be active participants in raising their children.

Image via PublicDomainPictures/Pixabay.

But now that they're working fathers, they're finding it a lot harder to do than they thought.

A recent study published in the American Sociological Review found that work policies are behind the change in millennial men's attitudes about family and gender roles once they have children. Despite having the best intentions, they struggled to maintain the equal partnership when they had to balance career, parenting, and love.

If only it were as easy as making this ponytail. GIF from " The perfect ponytail in 5 seconds."

It turns out that a dose of the real world made them change what they expected from their relationships almost entirely.

The Families and Work Institute found that before they have children, only 35% of millennial men believed women should stay at home as caregivers while men should "bring home the bacon." Once they have kids, though, that number jumps to 53%.

OK, not this type of bacon, but you know what I mean. Photo by Didriks/Flickr.

It's not that working and having children suddenly makes men more sexist. Rather it's that millennials find that the workplace doesn't offer the flexibility that they need to reach their goals of having an equal partnership. So they make do with what they have and find that going the traditional route works better.

Why? Experts found that family-friendly work policies still skewed heavily toward women.

Young men might be more feminist, but their work policies are lagging a bit behind. While we often hear about maternity leave policies, paternity leave is far from the norm (about 10-15% of employers offer it paid). This is particularly depressing when we consider the United States often seems to rank last in global paid parental leave rankings. Even President Barack Obama has said we need to stop treating family leave as an issue only women care about in his 2015 State of the Union address.

And even when these policies are available to men, they are often are discouraged from using them.

Netflix's recent announcement to offer up to a year's parental leave (for men and women) is a great example of the kind of family-friendly policies we need across the board. But it isn't enough just to have a good policy on paper.

Men have reported facing stigma in the workplace when they did take the family-friendly options available to them. Mets player Daniel Murphy was infamously criticized for taking a three-day paternity leave. This makes it clear we need an attitude shift that doesn't judge men for doing what they believe is best for their families.

The fix is simple: We need policies — and attitudes — that empower fathers to be the men they want to be.

It isn't just great for the fathers' participation in child care and child development. It has economic benefits for family members as well. It sounds like everybody wins. And who wouldn't want that?

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34 broken bones, a mural, and Buddy the Elf—what these three things have in common

"I never thought I’d run again. But against the odds, here I am."

34 broken bones, a mural, and Buddy the Elf—what these three things have in common
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The Bank of America Chicago Marathon took place on Sunday, October 12th. Every runner who took on the enormous feat of 26.2 miles is truly an inspiration. We’re proud to share three outstanding stories about the power of community, giving back and crossing the finish line. Not only did they run an outstanding distance, but they each also gave back by fundraising for an organization that changes lives for the better.

Running a marathon is so much more than race day. It’s sticking to a schedule, getting enough rest, learning how to fuel your body for long distances, and—perhaps the most challenging of all—building mental resilience.


Meet Leanne: Running after 34 Bone Fractures

Leanne was only 12 years old when during her middle school cross country practice, she fractured her right tibia, the shin bone in her leg. This wasn’t Leanne’s first time breaking a bone—it was actually her 34th fracture. After many years of being overlooked as "clumsy," Leanne felt immense relief and recognition when a doctor diagnosed her with brittle bone disease, an incredibly rare condition.

Lurie Children’s provided a care plan for Leanne to build strength and start running again. And as of October 12th, Leanne ran her second Bank of America Chicago Marathon. She said in an interview, “I never thought I’d run again. But against the odds, here I am, training for my second Bank of America Chicago Marathon... all because of Lurie Children’s.”

Leanne’s impressive journey is a testament to the incredible research of Lurie Children’s, where she gives back by volunteering at the hospital and running on its behalf. Talk about being a true inspiration.


Meet Everett: Running to Inspire Through Art

Everett is an artist who creates beautiful murals around the city of Chicago. He uses his art as a tool for storytelling for community and connection.

In addition to being an artist, Everett is a runner. He ran the 2025 Bank of America Chicago Marathon on behalf of Peace Runners 773, a non-profit organization that strengthens the community of Chicago. In this video, we follow Everett on a run to visit some of his favorite murals. The run ends at Garfield Park, where Everett just finished a mural that he dedicated to the organization—symbolizing growth, strength and togetherness. Everett didn’t stop there.

While building his strength as a runner, Everett is strengthening his city of Chicago. Through his running and artwork, Everett has brought more awareness and resources to his community.

Meet Joseph: Running on Behalf of Special Olympics


Joseph ran the Chicago Marathon on behalf of Special Olympics, dedicating each mile to one of 26 friends with a developmental disability. The last 1.2 miles were extra special. It was for one of his closest friends, Matt.

In this video, Joseph runs to Matt’s house. For every mile of this training run, he tells us a heartwarming anecdote about Matt. They met at camp and soon, Matt will be a groomsman in Joseph’s wedding. The duo even sends a Christmas card every year—most notably dressing up as Buddy the Elf and sharing a bowl of spaghetti with maple syrup (spoiler: it doesn’t taste good).

As Joseph runs, he says, “Before we get to Matt, a quick note about why I’m running on behalf of Special Olympics. Matt and I love sports. And so do many of my other friends. Donations help provide year-round sports training and competition for more than 20,000 people with intellectual disabilities across Illinois.”

Joseph is the perfect example of inspiration. Not only did he run an entire marathon, but he also found inspiration in his friends who love sports as much as he does.


Leanne, Everett and Joseph are three incredible people who have shown how much strength and perseverance it takes to run a marathon. Each runner is both empowering themselves and their community. Their dedication to the Bank of America Chicago Marathon shows that the people of Chicago have a passion for the city, their neighbors and their personal achievements.

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Mastering the simple '90-10 rule' can make a hard life feel a lot more joyous

You have more control over how you feel than you think.

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via Canva/Photos

A woman is both happy and angry.

In the field of human psychology, there is a popular concept known as the illusion of control, which states that people believe they have greater control over the events in their lives than they do. If you think about it, a lot of our lives are controlled by chance, whether it's our genetics, the families we were born into, the time and place where we were born, and chance encounters that change the trajectory of our lives, such as the moment we met our spouse or someone with a job opportunity.

People who have it good are more likely to attribute their good fortunes to their effort, while those who are having difficulty getting by are more likely to blame bad luck. No matter how we delude ourselves, one thing is certain: many situations we find ourselves in throughout life are out of our control, and our real power lies in our ability to react.

Knowing how to react to situations beyond our control is the crux of the 90-10 rule.

What is the 90-10 rule?

The 90-10 rule, attributed to Stephen Covey in the bestseller “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% is decided by how you react.

People often explain the 90-10 rule by sharing a story of a mishap at breakfast.

You are having breakfast in business attire, and your young daughter spills coffee on your shirt. You reprimand her and your spouse for putting the cup of coffee too close to the table's ledge. Your daughter gets upset and misses her school bus. So you have to drive her to school, and because you’re speeding, you get a $180 ticket. You arrive at work late, and the day spirals from there. When you get home from work, you have an annoyed wife and child.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?

B) Did your daughter cause it?

C) Did the policeman cause it?

D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".

In an alternative universe, the coffee spills on your shirt, and you forgive your daughter. You change your shirt, your daughter makes the bus, and you get to work five minutes early. Now, instead of having a day that spiraled out of control, taking a moment to see the spilled coffee as an accident changed the entire day.

What happens when people skillfully respond to events out of their control over a long period? Their lives will be completely different than if they chose to take things out of their control personally.

Here are 3 ways to apply the 90-10 rule.

The key is not to take minor inconveniences personally.

1. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water off a duck's back. You do not have to let the negative comments affect you.

2. If someone cuts you off in traffic, don’t take it personally; who cares if you get to work 10 seconds later? There's no point in letting it ruin your day.

3. If you get to the airport and find out your flight is delayed, don’t get mad at the person working at the ticket counter. It’s beyond their control. The plane will arrive at some point, whether you get worked up or not.

airport, airplane, happy man airport, luggage, flights, A man walking through the airport.via Canva/Photos

The 90-10 rule mirrors the "Let them" theory championed by Mel Robbins, a podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer. The first thing is to acknowledge that others are imperfect and that you cannot change them. “People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. Most people haven't gone to therapy, they haven't looked at their issues, and frankly, they don't want to. Let them. Let your parents be less than what you deserved," Robbins said in a viral video. "Let your family life be something that isn't a fairy tale. Try to remind yourself that they're just doing the best they can with the resources and the life experiences they have."

Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can choose how you react to minor annoyances. Choose to respond in a skillful, thoughtful manner without taking things seriously, and you can quickly get past the minor annoyances without causing the adverse ripple effect that can ruin your entire day.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.



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This 4-year-old’s hilarious reaction coming home from school is all of us

This little boy is not shy about expressing his exhaustion, and it's incredibly relatable.

Jude, 4-year-old, viral video, TikTok, parenting, funny kids, cranky, tired, relatable, Amber Tinker
Jude | TikTok

A little boy speaks to the camera

There's one thing you can say about little kids that's pretty consistent no matter who the kid is, and it's that they're brutally honest. Whether you have something stuck in your teeth or you've gained weight, a small child will inform you - loudly, and usually in front of others. But one preschooler's moment of honesty is going viral for how relatable it is.

An exhausted and cranky 4-year-old named Jude has had enough. The little boy had just gotten home from school when he must've been asked something before the camera started rolling because his response was a #same moment.

"Listen. No, do you hear me? I'm cranky, I'm tired, I worked hard at school," Jude says to his dad.

Jude, 4-year-old, viral video, TikTok, parenting, funny kids, cranky, tired, relatable, Amber Tinker Jude speaking to the cameraJude | TikTok

Jude's mom, Amber Tinker uploaded the video to TikTok where it went viral with over 14 million views and over 1.5 million likes. The tiny grumpy human was clearly not interested in whatever shenanigans his dad was up to and he let him know it.

Jude's dad, Justin Tinker was attempting to tease the boy about messing with him later but Jude was having none of it. The preschooler quickly repeated that he was cranky and tired after working hard at school. He mumbles something as he walks towards a barn when his dad stops him.

Jude, 4-year-old, viral video, TikTok, parenting, funny kids, cranky, tired, relatable, Amber TinkerGif of Leslie Knope saying "I'm not cranky" via Giphy


"I've already got everything fed and watered. I already got the eggs, I did your job cause I knew you was tired," Justin calls out.

Though his dad did his chores for him, Jude still didn't feel like he got his point across because later in the video he repeats how cranky and tired he is. Both of his parents explained they also worked hard today and were tired but it was obvious that Jude out tired them all. In the end he declared he was getting a bath tonight. Maybe his mom will bring him a cold Capri Sun and light some candles while he soaks in a bubble bath. Preschool must be rough these days.

Watch the whole video below:

@judemywildchild

This boy has had enough! #HeyJude #Cranky #Tired #kidsoftiktok #Funny #Viral


This article originally appeared earlier this year.

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Gen Xers share 17 nostalgic dishes they ate growing up—and still make for dinner

From sloppy joes to pizza bread, these dishes still slap.

gen x, generation x, gen x meal, gen x food, gen x family meals
Image via Reddit

A family enjoys dinner during the 1970s.

Generation X (those born between 1965-1980) grew up eating classic Americana meals. During the 1970s, comfort meals like tuna casserole and salmon roquettes were popular meals.

Gen X also grew up eating some pretty unhinged (but all the more yummy) sandwiches. These meals are steeped in childhood nostalgia.

And to this day, Gen Xers are still fond of their favorite dishes they grew up eating. Together, they discussed on Reddit their most-loved home-cooked dishes that they still whip up, starting with sloppy joes.

Here are 17 iconic Gen X comfort meals to keep in mind the next time you make dinner:


@genx_shawn

🤤😂 Top 10 Things ONLY GenX Knows the Taste Of... #genx #over50club #genxtiktok #over40 #genxcrew #generationx #genxers #genxtok #over40club #over50

"Breakfast. We will have a 'breakfast for dinner' at least a couple times a month. Yum!" - fadeanddecayed, KddKc

"Pizza bread! My mom would cut Italian bread into pieces, put butter and garlic salt on them, then pour some spaghetti sauce on them, cover with mozzarella cheese, and broil for like ten or fifteen minutes. Super easy and quick to make and so tasty. I'm sure my mom loved that I was so into something that took roughly zero effort for her to make." - hornybutired

"Grilled cheese and soup." - reincarnateme

"Meat loaf. I use 2 pounds ground beef, replace bread crumbs with minute rice, add 1 pkg beef soup flavoring, chop an entire onion for it, and mix BBQ sauce into mixture. Oh, important: do not overmix! Place all ingredients into bowl, then mix quickly 10 or 12 swirls of a large spoon. Grease loaf pan, carefully place mixture in, pat down & bake about an hour. (Extra info: for even better flavor, mix the night before, pat into loaf pan, cover with plastic, put into fridge overnight. Remove from fridge about an hour before baking. BE SURE TO REMOVE PLASTIC WRAP! [Esp. If in Pyrex glass loaf pan])" - jehardt, AbbyM1968

"White guy tacos." - najing_ftw

"Skillet dinner. Kielbasa, bell pepper, onion, spuds in a cast iron pan. One dish. Easy peasy." - UnimportantOutcome67

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Chicken pot pie or chicken ala king." - sattersnaps

"Fried catfish, greens, and red beans and rice." - User Unknown

"Shepherds pie, technically cottage pie if it’s ground beef. Homemade enchiladas, usually made as a layered casserole instead because I don’t have time to roll them. Pork chops with mashed potatoes and veggies." - XerTrekker

"Fried rice with chicken or pork leftovers." - AlternativeResort181

"Hot hamburgers: hamburger patty open face on Texas toast thickness bread, cover with fries then cover that with brown gravy. Wife's variation is hamburger patty over rice with brown gravy." - EnricoMatassaEsq

@past_archives

American Gen X Foods That Kids Today Can’t Understand#nostalgia #childhoodmemories #backtochildhood #90s #2000s #usa #80s #90skids #80schildhood #capcutforus #capcut #capcutpioneer #America

"Stuffed peppers. I make it much more easily by cooking it all in one large frying pan 'deconstructed'. Sauté onions garlic and ground beef, add cut up peppers, tomatoes or tomato sauce, sometimes a little spinach, then add separately cooked rice, salt and pepper and serve. It comes together pretty quickly and tastes just as good as stuffing and baking peppers in the oven." - Affectionate-Map2583

"Macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs. Seriously, that’s what I ate tonight." - Dazzling-Walrus9673

"Homemade Stroganoff casserole. Ridiculously easy to make. Ingredients:

1.25-1.5 lbs. Ground Beef
1 each of large white onion, green pepper, and red pepper
1 can mushroom pieces, drained and rinsed
12 oz. Bag of wide egg noodles
1 can cream of mushroom soup
16 oz. Sour cream
Worcestershire Sauce
Louisiana Hot Sauce
White or Black Pepper
Panko bread crumbs

To Make: Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Worcestershire, hot sauce, garlic powder, and pepper are all to taste, depending on how much flavor and punch you want it to have. Cook noodles per instructions. Drain. Peel and slice onion (not diced), core and cut peppers into strips Brown meat, onions and peppers along with liberal amount of Worcestershire; garlic, pepper, and hot sauce. Add mushrooms. Cook until meat is fully brown, onions are translucent and peppers are tender. Drain. Combine drained meat, etc. with whole can of soup, half of the sour cream. Gradually add noodles into the mix. Add sour cream as needed to maintain consistency. Add Worcestershire, hot sauce, and pepper to taste. Dump into large, deep Corning dish or whatever. Cover too with bread crumbs. Cover and bake for forty minutes." - CynfullyDelicious

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6 ways people cracked the code to master office small talk with coworkers

"Brevity is your superpower in any low-stakes interaction."

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Photo credit: Canva

How to small talk with coworkers in the office.

If you work in an office or will soon be required to return to one after working from home for an extended period of time, understanding office etiquette can be a challenge—especially small talk. There's no denying that making small talk with coworkers can be awkward.

But mastering the art of small talk at work isn't as hard as you think. In a Reddit forum discussing small talk in the office, workers shared their insights on how they finally cracked the code on office small talk. The biggest takeaway? It's way less complicated than you think.

Here are six tips that helped people get more comfortable and confident with small talk at work:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Started my first real office job seven months ago and spent the first few months completely lost on workplace social dynamics. Everyone spoke in this polite surface level way that felt fake but also seemed mandatory. After months of observation I finally figured it out: office small talk isn't about the actual content. It's about acknowledging someone's humanity in a low stakes way. That's it. 'How was your weekend?' doesn't require details. 'Pretty good, did some hiking. You?' is the perfect response. They don't actually want your whole weekend schedule, they're just being friendly. 'Busy week?' translates to 'I acknowledge you exist and seem stressed.' You can just say 'yeah it's been a lot' and that's a complete interaction. Done...Office social dynamics are way simpler than I built them up to be in my head. Be pleasant, keep it brief, move on. That's literally it. Nobody expects profound connection at the coffee machine" - JohnnyIsNearDiabetic

"The thing is, these moments and brief conversations can turn into something more , you see these folks everyday and you build on that surface level communication day after day. To be honest this has been a lot more difficult post covid wfh culture, but I highly recommend getting involved, it really makes work a lot more interesting and engaging, then eventually it just straight up enables more opportunity for yourself. Take this from someone who was really engaged in work until my role became the doldrums where I just get on with things. I think everyone needs interaction." - Skelachi

"Another great thing to do in the office is give complements about people behind their backs. Everything gets around, and you want it to be positive stuff. Obviously be genuine about the compliments tho." - Impossible_Barber538

"You just unlocked the adult version of 'don’t be annoying'. Brevity is your superpower in any low-stakes interaction." - HugeInvestigator6131

"My world view is - Repeated interactions build familiarity. Familiarity supports connections. Connections build networks. Networks is how you get stuff done. Doesn’t matter if it’s the front reception staff or the CEO. Connect in the least obnoxious way and the rest will follows." - Unkinked_Garden

"It can be a burden, but I let people complain to me, and I do my best to sympathize. You might not choose to do that, but mostly people like to complain, if they feel comfortable enough after the initial inane chatter. Just keep that in mind - you might want to avoid it. In fact it’s probably smart to avoid it, but I let people bend my ear. It’s ok." - joeykey

@coffeewithsimon

How to initiate small talk and keep a convo going. Work edition. #careeradvice #careertiktok #worktips #smalltalk #communication #communicationskills

How to make small talk with coworkers, according to experts

Dr. Jonathan Thorp, CEO at Quantum Connections—a program that equips leaders and employees with the dialogue skills needed to foster connection, collaboration, and inclusion—tells Upworthy that small talk is the "micro-connection" that keeps workplaces human.

"Psychological safety, appreciation, and empowerment are the real drivers of connection," says Thorp. "Small talk is where those things start, through curiosity, listening, and genuine interest. It is the social handshake before collaboration begins."

Looking for more ways to get better at small talk? Here are six more quick tips for mastering small talk with coworkers:

Use obvious opening lines

"It's easier if you talk about something you both see at this moment or just did. For example, you can ask, 'How was that meeting?' or 'Have you tried the new coffee?'" Jan Hendrik von Ahlen, managing director of JobLeads, tells Upworthy. "Something safe, easy, and without high pressure. Good topic ideas include the current workday, some light weekend plans, the weather on that day, or the commute. Skip things like money, health, or politics."

Lead with curiosity

"Ask before you tell," says Thorp. "Curiosity builds safety and shows you value the other person’s perspective. A simple 'How is your day going so far?' can open the door to trust."

Ask specific light questions

"Instead of simply asking, 'How are you?' try asking, 'What was one good thing from your weekend?' or something along this line," says Hendrik von Ahlen. "Repeat a detail: 'Oh, you're fixing a bike? What kind?' Be interested and curious about what they are saying. Specifics start real chats, but remember to avoid anything too personal."

@thatcareercoach

Replying to @runesblade Small talk 101 - get to know your coworkers #corporate #work #careeradvice #careercoach

Mirror and acknowledge

"Repeat or reflect what you heard to show attention: 'Sounds like you have a busy week ahead.' These small signals of recognition strengthen connection more than any topic itself," says Thorp.

Share a little about you and invite others to do so

"Another tip is to offer one light or fun fact about yourself," shares Hendrik von Ahlen. "For example: 'I started doing 10-minute walks at lunch and it really helps.' Then you can ask them, 'Have you got any quick reset tricks like that?' Sharing something lighthearted like this makes you seem more human without any kind of oversharing. But keep it positive: don't vent about co-workers or private work."

Keep it real, not scripted

"Authenticity beats performance," adds Thorp. "People can sense when you are running on autopilot. Be present, not perfect, and treat small talk as a practice in empathy rather than etiquette."

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