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Middle children, claim your crown—you've finally dethroned your siblings in new study

One of the largest birth order studies ever indicates that middle kids may make the best humans.

three siblings lying in the grass
Photo credit: Canva

Middle children tend to score high on cooperative traits.

Fellow middle children, our time has finally come. We've been biding our time, knee deep in our Middle Child Syndrome, waiting for the truth we've known all along to come to light, and now it has. Research has determined that we, the middle children of the world, are officially the best.

At least that's what some of us are taking away from a birth order study published in December 2024, one of the largest ever to analyze whether birth order impacts personality. For decades, research has been mixed on that question and the most recent thinking based on data has been that birth order doesn't really matter, but that hasn't stopped people from assigning all kinds of personality traits to oldest, youngest, middle and only children. Now, however, according to Canadian researchers who sorted through personality survey responses from 700,000 adults, it appears that middle kids grow up to be more honest, humble, and agreeable—traits that are key elements of cooperation and collaboration.

In other words, we make the best humans, because what quality is more important in a civilized society than fair, honest, humble cooperation? None, that's what. (No questions, please. Let us middle kids have something, for the love.)

The study used the HEXACO personality inventory, which has become one of the most widely-used personality assessments in the past two decades. It measures six key traits, which are seen across cultures: Honesty-Humility, Emotionality, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Openness to Experience.

"“Most previous research had found that adults’ personality trait levels were unrelated to their birth order,” study authors Michael Ashton of Brock University and Kibeom Lee of the University of Calgary told PsyPost. “When we started collecting online personality data about 10 years ago, we decided to include birth order in our survey, because we were measuring a wider array of personality traits than had been examined in previous research. We found—somewhat to our surprise—that birth order was related to some personality traits, and we then added a question to our survey about sibship size (i.e., number of siblings, including oneself).”

large family laughing while taking a photoPeople from large families tend to score higher on Honesty-Humility and Agreeableness. Photo credit: Canva

Middle children scored higher on Honesty-Humility and Agreeableness in the HEXACO framework, as did children from larger families. Here's how the researchers describe those traits:

Honesty-Humility:Persons with very high scores on the Honesty-Humility scale avoid manipulating others for personal gain, feel little temptation to break rules, are uninterested in lavish wealth and luxuries, and feel no special entitlement to elevated social status. Conversely, persons with very low scores on this scale will flatter others to get what they want, are inclined to break rules for personal profit, are motivated by material gain, and feel a strong sense of self-importance.

Agreeableness (versus Anger): Persons with very high scores on the Agreeableness scale forgive the wrongs that they suffered, are lenient in judging others, are willing to compromise and cooperate with others, and can easily control their temper. Conversely, persons with very low scores on this scale hold grudges against those who have harmed them, are rather critical of others' shortcomings, are stubborn in defending their point of view, and feel anger readily in response to mistreatment.

See? The best.

In all fairness (here's one of those strong middle child traits breaking through), the researchers did point out that the difference, while statistically significant, was modest and that you can't really draw any conclusions about any one individual based on their birth order.

"One way to think of it is like this: If you choose at random someone who was an only child and someone who grew up in a family of six or more kids, there’s a 60% chance that the more agreeable or cooperative person of these two will be the latter (as opposed to 50% if there were no difference). So, you can’t tell much about the personality of a given individual from their birth order or family size, even though there are clear differences when averaging across many people,” Ashton and Lee told Psypost.

Whatever. Middle children know. We've always known. Oldest kids get the leadership skills. Youngest kids get to be spoiled. Let us have this one thing.

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Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robinson making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control, or the illusion of it, when it does us no good, was perfectly distilled into 2 words that everyone can understand as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose.

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” 60DaysToLive2012 wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”


This article originally appeared last year.

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Dad shares the two wildly different notes from his 5-year-old son written 10 minutes apart

The mood swings of kids are REAL.

Photo credit: Canva, Note via @nightsayni/Reddit

He's sorry. He didn't mean to be mean.

For the most part, mood swings are pretty normal for kids. But man, can it be a challenge for parents to ride those emotional rollercoasters. After all, to stay completely regulated as someone goes from sweet giggles to unintelligible rage in .0002 seconds takes the tolerance of a trained monk. Still, even a little patience goes a long way with this herculean task.

Take this dad for instance, who recently shared two wildly different handwritten notes from his 5-year-old son, spanned only 10 minutes apart. For context, the dad explained that his son has gotten furious at him for “reading something to him instead of slowly sounding out the sounds for him to read himself.” What a monster, right?

During a time out his son took to cool off, he managed to write this sick burn: “You’re the worst dad in the world. I don’t even like you.”

The little fella must have immediately regretted his choice, because he also wrote another note, which read: “Sorry, sorry. I did not mean to be mean to you,” along with a sad picture of himself for good measure.


I got these from my 5 year old son about 10 minutes apart
byu/nightsaysni infunny

Have many, many, many parents been in this exact same boat? Judging by the comments, most certainly. One person wrote, “Kids are... interesting when it comes to mood swings; my 2 year old had a total meltdown this weekend because I opened his yogurt for him (he wanted to open it, but I didn't think he wanted to do it). A few minutes of crying and he popped back together and just ate his yogurt and was happy again.”

Another echoed, “Father of two 5y/os here. This is 100% normal and happens multiple times a week in our home. Lots of emotions at this age.”

One parent even shared how having safe spaces to process those big emotions can help kids develop into pretty emotionally stable adults, writing, “My son at that age would put himself into timeout (I never once put him into timeout but his kindergarten had that system).. so he would go into his room after he said something mean to me.. sit in a corner for 5-10 min and then come out and apologize and say he didn’t mean it.. he is almost 21 now and still the most thoughtful person I know, always considering how his words impact others.”

One person could even relate to the kiddo’s dilemma, saying, “Emotions are big and overwhelming! Sometimes I want to do the dang thing myself and sometimes I just want it done when I think about it. Thankfully in my decades on earth I'm better at recognizing and communicating the difference, but I totally get his frustration.”

gif of man throwing a tantrumIf we don't teach our kids to regulate their emotions early, workplaces might look like this in 20 years.media.giphy.com

But of course the best comment goes to the person who simply appreciated that “Lil bro had a whole character arc.”

It’s funny to see in plain writing the kind of emotional whiplash that every parent experiences once in a while. But this story is also a nice reminder to not take any of it personally. Because sometimes all it takes is ten minutes, and a little compassion, for things to go back to normal again.

Hopefully the dad holds onto these notes to re-read aloud one day. At his son’s wedding perhaps. Or his 21st birthday.

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Culture

A guy definitively listed the 12 things that make men happy and it's 100% accurate

Guys literally only want one thing and it's a cool stick.

Nolan Reid / TikTok

There's an old joke slash meme that goes something like this: "Guys literally only want one thing and it's disgusting." Its used to imply, obviously, that men are shallow and crude creatures. TikTok creator and simple-life advocate Nolan Reid, however, has a different idea of what men really want.

Nolan recently made a video about "Little things in life that make men happy."

The hilarious list includes:

  • A fridge full of beer.
  • Drinking said beer in the garage. With your dog. And a good buddy.
  • Finding a cool stick.
  • Kicking a rock.
  • Staring at water.
  • Dropping rocks into said water.

As a fellow man, I would say: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

It really doesn't take much! Watch Nolan's full video to see the rest, and just appreciate how much joy and satisfaction he gets from these simple thing.



@nolanreid7 A few of many #littlethings #muzzymade ♬ It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over - Lenny Kravitz


People loved Nolan's list – so much so that they began adding their own ideas of "simple things men love."

The video racked up hundreds of thousands of views across TikTok and Instagram.

One commenter wrote, "He just described my whole personality." Another added, "This guy gets it."

Others chimed in with their own additions to the list, like staring at a fire for hours. Or just peace and quiet.

But most of the nearly 200 comments were just people chiming in to say one thing:

"Hell yeah."

Finally, someone who understands us.

Nolan's ultra-relaxed vision of "masculinity" is honestly so refreshing.

Men on social media are usually bombarded with the Andrew Tates and Jordan Petersons of the world, influencers who constantly berate us to make more money, lose weight and add muscle, sleep with more women, take charge, relentlessly self-improve.

I like Nolan's much chiller idea of masculinity. It reminds me of being a kid, taking pleasure in the simple things, not racing to be anywhere, not trying to impress anyone or prove anything.

Nolan's entire account is a breath of fresh air, an antidote to hustle culture. His videos find joy in:

  • Breaking down cardboard boxes
  • Driving at sunset
  • Going fishing
  • Throwing a frisbee
  • Wearing t-shirts
A daily visit to his page is almost like a meditation. I highly recommend giving him a follow to add a little counterprogramming to your social media feed.

Nolan says in another recent video that he started making TikToks and Instagram reels just for fun, but discovered along the way that he was really passionate about the message.

"I never thought that my simple living and love for little things would resonate with so many of you."

He said he hopes to inspire people to "take a step back and enjoy the good simple things in life."

I suddenly have the urge to go chuck a rock into a river, so I would say: Mission Accomplished!

This article originally appeared last year.

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Love Stories

Men give real answers to what they find romantic when it comes to women. It's really sweet.

This is not what is portrayed in movies.

Photo credit: Canva

Men reveal what they find romantic in relationships with women

When we look at movies, they often portray men and women as completely different beings bumbling about trying to make it work. Even outside of film, listen to any podcast designed to inform women about what men want in a relationship and you'll hear something completely different. It can feel exhausting trying to sift through what's true and what's just stereotypical rhetoric wrapped up in a romantic bow.

It's not often that we get to hear directly from men who aren't attempting to sound a certain way in front of other guys, or tell women what they want to hear. When asked directly about what they consider romantic when it comes to their female partner, the simplicity of their answers may be surprising to some. The answers didn't involve any over-the-top gestures or anything related to sex.

It seems that the men who answered the question have been waiting for someone to ask so they can draw a map to their hearts. "When she laughs at my jokes, hugs me, and tells me how happy she is with a man who makes her laugh so much," one man starts off the endearing list.

gif of someone opening a note that says "I Love You'romance GIFGiphy

Some guys just want all the cuddles.

"I’m big into cuddles, but what I like is when somebody checks in on me. Not just “How are you?” but asking specific questions… especially if I’ve previously communicated something that was going on with me and they check back in about it. It seems so simple, but it’s such a rare thing these days," one guy says.

Take a moment to consider your fella.

One happy man shares in part, "When we’re apart, she’ll sometimes send me a photo of something most would find trivial but it was the thought of “this will make him smile!” and it does. She noticed my lips were a bit dry in the cold, so she bought me a stick of lip balm the next time I saw her. It didn’t cost much but it was because she cared about my health and well-being. When I think of it, it always makes me happy!"

gif of animated boy with heart eyesI Love You Hearts GIFGiphy

Another guy shares a similar sentiment: "Acts of service without being promted[sic]. People go out of their way to let me know I matter. I never expect it, so when I do, it gets me."

"Depending on the attraction I feel it could be almost anything considerate, even just wanting a hug," one person admits, while another agrees with him. "Ayep. I've always been treated as disposable, and judged solely on what I can provide to others. That's just how it is, and won't change. I don't need poems, or trinkets, etc. Just show any amount of consideration for me as a person."

Guys love a handwritten love letter

One man says, "I'm in an LDR (long-distance relationship). Every time she is here, she leaves little handwritten notes all over the place. Most are one-liners with little declarations of love, silly comments and the like, for me to find as time goes by while she's away. I have found myself crying like a baby several times when I found these on hard days. For the most part they make me happy for at least the rest of the day, though. Started collecting them as well as tickets for activities we've done together and other scraps in a little booklet."

gif of animated love letterI Love You Hearts GIF by DIVE INN - Die InnovationsagenturGiphy

Men like flowers too, so find out his favorite and surprise him.

"My girlfriend bought me flowers and I felt like the most special man in the world! It was never something I consciously wanted (after all, flowers are for women, right?) but it was such a sweet gesture. She said most men receive flowers for the first time at their funeral and she wanted to change that for me. I now encourage every woman to do this!"

"Also, like others have said, we tend to receive fewer compliments, gestures, etc., so basically any little show of affection or love can be so meaningful to men," one man reminds women.

gif of man receiving flowersFlower Love GIF by TechSmithGiphy

Someone else adds, "I once had a girl buy me flowers for Valentine's Day and it melted my heart. We only went out a few times but I still think about it. I love little romantic gestures like that."

It doesn't have to be complicated to make a guy feel romanced. No need for a new car wrapped in a bow or an elaborate date. Seems like most guys just want the same things most women want: to feel seen, appreciated, considered, and desired. Nothing says romance like knowing your partner doesn't just love you, but they also like you and actually want to be in your presence.

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Pop Culture

Watch people make intense electronic music from, yes, barcode scanners

No cash registers required.

Photo credit: Canva

Some forward-thinking artists are making electronic music with, yes, barcode scanners.

You can make music from just about anything. When my youthful exuberance was at its highest and my net worth at its lowest, I once made a beat by recording myself slamming doors and punching tables.

My experiments, admittedly, didn’t sound great. But some forward-thinking musicians have built an entire art form by seeking sounds in unusual places—and in the case of Electronics Fantasticos!, a Japanese project centered around Ei Wada, by transforming "outdated electrical appliances into new electronic instruments." In an incredible viral YouTube video, they demonstrate their most famous piece of gear: the Barcoder, a barcode scanner that generates sound not through a cash register but by "connecting scan-signals of a barcode scanner to a powered speaker directly."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In the clip, two "barcodists," Wada and Akira Ataka, appear to be set up in a makeshift performance space, where each scan various blocks of black-and-white patterns. When arranged rhythmically, the synthesizer-like sounds they produce—low, pulsating grunts and high-pitched squeals—wind up resembling intense electronic music. (Bonus points for scanning their own striped shirts, which look like referee outfits.)

The YouTube comments are outstanding. One person (accurately) joked, "This is like the 1990s’ prediction of what 2020s music would be," and someone else chimed in, "When you lost your job as a DJ and ended up becoming a cashier." Also, props to the viewer who suggested they "just need a zebra to complete the band."

Electronics Fantasticos! have filmed a lot of Barcoder demonstrations, and they even took it to another level with the Barcodress. In this experiment, a dancer wears a dress "on which signals are engraved as striped patterns," and sound waves are created as the Barcoder scans their movements. They describe it as an artistic expression "where clothes, dance, and music playing become one." They continue, "It’s just like a dress serves as a record, dance as a turntable, a player as a record player needle, and expands the record and play mechanism to a physical expression. We explore possibility of 'Electromagnetic Dance!'" Mind-bending stuff.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The project includes many bizarre instruments beyond the Barcoder. Take the "Hoovahorn, Tofoovahorn, and Vacuumonica," which vibrate reeds "by suction of a vacuum cleaner." There’s also the CRT-TV drums, which "produce sound when a player catches static electricity emitted from CRT-TV screens with bare hands and sends the electric signal to a guitar amplifier through a coil attached to the leg of a player." Other staples include the "Factory Fan Bass," "A/C Harp," and "Electric Fan Harp."

Wada has grown Electronics Fantasticos! into a larger community, establishing six activity bases throughout Japan and creating a "worldwide lab on the Internet" with nearly 100 members. They held the Electro-Magnetic Bon-Dance Festival in 2017 and, two years later, formed a multinational band to perform at Austria's Ars Electronica Festival.

If you're interested in supporting other creative people who make unusual instruments, check out YouTuber Burls Art, who’s built guitars out of 800 pieces of paper, 14 skateboards, 700 sheets of newspaper, 1,600 RadioShack dollar coins, 50 pounds of copper wire, and 1,000 melted cans.

Talk about alternative electronic music!

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