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Meet a mom who takes care of people's babies while they make huge parenting decisions.

This is what it's like to be an 'interim parent.'

parenting, adoption, children
Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

Jillian, “... my heart skips a beat."


I'm trying desperately to be respectful of the person speaking to me, but my husband keeps texting me.

First he sends me a selfie of him with Rafi*, then it's an account of who stopped him on his way into the NICU.

Then he suggests I take a selfie with Jillian* so he can post them side-by-side on Facebook and boast that we finally have two babies.

People will ask if they're twins, I'm sure. But they're not twins. In fact, the babies aren't even ours.

family, babies, adoptive parents

James' dream come true: Two babies! Rafi in the NICU with Tatte, Jillian at home with Eema.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

I take care of these babies because I'm what's known as an "interim parent."

volunteer, newborns, interim parents

Over the past four years, my family has cared for 22 newborns.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

The program I'm part of is rare; there are very few like it in the United States.

While the babies are in my care, the birth parents retain their legal rights as parents and are encouraged to visit their babies (if that's something they would like).

social care, adoption, psychology

My three kids with our baby before he meets his forever mommy.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

If they weren't in the care of interim moms like me, these tiny babies might wait in the hospital a few extra days while their adoptions are finalized — or they might enter the foster care system.

In New York, biological parents have 30 days after adoption proceedings begin to change their minds about their placement plan.

I became an interim parent when a local mom posted about it on our neighborhood Yahoo! group.

"That! THAT I can do!" I thought, as I looked at the computer screen.

I was thrilled. I felt incapable of doing other types of volunteer work, but I felt like I had finally found a community service that I could perform. So, my husband and I applied. And after months of doctor appointments, background checks, interviews, and letters of reference from close friends, we were accepted.

biological parents, decision making, social care

We left the adoption agency with an empty stroller — but it didn't stay that way for long!

Photo by Stacey Natal/ Total City Girl, used with permission.

The hope with the interim boarding care program is that biological parents have time to gain clarity about their decisions without pressure.

It also helps adoptive parents feel secure in their status as parents.

The children don't usually get the chance to be present when one of our babies goes home, so this was a special day. Roughly 30% of the babies I've cared for have returned to their biological parents after their stay with me, and the rest have been adopted. Many of the birth mothers I've known have pursued open adoptions, selecting and meeting their child's forever families.

People often ask me what the experience of interim parenting is like, but there's no rule: Each case is different.

Babies stay with us, on average, for a few weeks. But one baby stayed with us with five days, another for nine and a half weeks.

Whatever the scenario, my family and I are available to care for these babies until they go home ... wherever "home" may be.

medical insurance, dads, moms

This work can be emotionally challenging, too.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

This work can be emotionally challenging, too. Some biological parents do not interact with us at all while they're making big decisions, and some end up being very involved. Some text regularly, requesting photos and updates on the baby while the baby is in our care. Sometimes they schedule weekly visits with the babies. One birth mom became such a constant in our life that my son asked if we could bake her cookies.

I am often blown away by the biological parents' gratitude.

Melody* was one of the most beautiful babies I'd ever cared for, and I met her parents a couple of times. When they came to take her home, it was as though she was the only one in the room. When they thanked me for taking care of her, my lip started to quiver.

I had also never met Jibraan's dad, either, when I placed him in his arms the day they went home together. "From the bottom of my heart ... I can't tell you what you've done for me," he said. I remember that he towered over me, the size of a linebacker, clenching his jaw to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks.

family, adoption, emotional connections

Big smiles and on the phone.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl, used with permission.

When I wave goodbye to the social workers at the agency after introducing each baby to their forever family, I always wonder how long it will be before I get to hold another baby.

I don't get attached to each baby, per se. But I get attached to having a baby, to taking care of a baby. I resent my empty arms, and I feel like I've lost my purpose. So each time I see the adoption agency's phone number pop up on caller ID, my heart skips a beat.

When the voice on the other end says, "Hi, Ann ... are you ready to take another baby?" my first thought is, "Baby! I'm getting a BABY!" That excitement lasts for at least 48 hours.

But even as the adrenaline calms down and the sleepless nights begin to take their toll, the experience of caring for each baby proves to be more than enough motivation for me to keep going.

The emotions that swell when my babies go home with any parent — their adoptive parents or their birth parents — are not just because of the emptiness I feel in my arms or even because of the happiness I have for my babies and their families.

The emotions I feel are because of the fullness in my heart and the gratitude I have for being a part of each of these babies' stories, even if it's just for a moment.


This article was written by Ann Lapin and originally appeared on 04.08.16

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Joy

5 more things that made us smile this week

We love to see single moms succeed, strangers reaching out to help, and parents pushing back against bigotry.

True

In a time where the world feels more divided than ever, we could all use a pick-me-up. With that in mind, we’ve scoured the internet to bring you five feel-good pieces of news and media that put a smile on our faces (and we bet it’ll put one on yours, too).

This week, we’re loving:

This woman’s life-saving good deed

Hockey fan Nadia Popovici was at a game in 2022 when she noticed something strange: an irregular mole on the back of Brian Hamilton, one of the team’s assistant equipment managers. Popovici had experience looking at cancerous moles during her experience volunteering in oncology wards, so she quickly flagged Hamilton down and warned him through the plexiglass that his mole looked cancerous. Hamilton had the mole biopsied—and found Popovici had been right. “She saved my life,” Hamilton said later in a press conference.

Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season

Who knew that buying a car could be an act of love? During the annual Subaru Share the Love® Event, getting a car means supporting the charities you love the most. With every new Subaru purchased or leased, Subaru and its retailers will donate at least $300 to local and national charities, including the ASPCA®, Make-A-Wish®, Meals on Wheels, and the National Park Foundation, among others. And here's another thing to celebrate: After 17 years of the Subaru Share the Love Event nearly $320 million has been donated to charity!

This dad's perfect response to anti-gay bigotry

@fitxander Some AWESOME shade from my dad 😂🌈 #gay #dad @claire_training ♬ Kings & Queens - Ava Max

Sometimes, when a person throws shade, you have to throw it right back. That’s what Xander’s dad did, when a neighbor told him that having two gay kids (Xander and his sister, Claire) meant that he “failed as a parent.” His response? To cover his entire house and yard with pride flags. Go, dad!

This perfect example of brotherly love

You’ve never seen something more heartwarming than this boy helping his little brother before school. According to a TikTok video uploaded by his mom, this amazing kid “always reassures his little brother he’s going to have a great day at school,” giving him a hug, a kiss, and some reassuring words. No, you’re crying.

This single mom who passed her bar exam on the very first try

Taking the bar exam to become a lawyer is tough—so tough that most people can’t do it on their first try, even after months of studying. Which is why this video is downright joyous to watch. In the video, single mom and TikTok user @yougonloverhi records her and her son’s reactions as they find out that she passed the California Bar Exam on the first try. Supermom!

For more reasons to smile, check out all the ways Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season, here.

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The Monkees' acapella Christmas song shows they weren't just funny, they could sing, too

They performed "Riu Chiu," a Spanish carol, on their 1967 Christmas special.

via The Monkees/YouTube

The Monkees singing "Riu Chiu."

The Monkees have a complicated place in the history of rock music. On the one hand, they scored some of the biggest hits of the ‘60s with “I’m a Believer,” “Last Train to Clarksville,” and “Daydream Believer.” On the other, they were a band manufactured in 1967 for a TV show that did little more than sing on their earlier records.

All that changed in 1967 when they wrestled control over their musical careers from the executives who kept them out of the studio and began recording their music with the “Headquarters” album. But even though they proved to be talented musicians, The Monkees were still branded as a prefabricated band whose success was owed more to session musicians and top-tier songwriters.

Anyone who doubts the talent of Mickey Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, Davy Jones and Peter Tork, look no further than a performance on The Monkees’ 1967 “Christmas Show” episode. Like every episode of The Monkees' TV show, this one featured a musical number. But this time, instead of a rock tune with a pre-MTV video of the band monkeying around, this featured the band singing an acapella version of “Riu Chiu,” a Spanish villancico that has attained some contemporary fame as a Christmas carol. The song is attributed to Mateo Flecha the Elder, who died in 1553.

The performance highlights the band’s unique vocal abilities that stem from different musical traditions. Before The Monkees, Dolenz was a rock singer, Nesmith was a country singer-songwriter from Texas, Tork was a folk musician and Jones was an English theatrical performer best known for his performance as the Artful Dodger in “Oliver!” But in this performance, their vocals blend perfectly.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The “Christmas Show” episode was memorable for the band’s outstanding vocal performance but also stands as one of the more memorable Christmas specials in TV history. Coming on the heels of the “Summer of Love,” the story is about The Monkees babysitting Melvin Vandersnoot, the hard-hearted child of an affluent family. After numerous attempts to get him into the Christmas spirit, the Monkees warm up his icy heart after showing him love, something all the money in the world can’t buy.

Vandersnoot, was played with incredible maturity by Butch Patrick, best known as Eddie on “The Munsters.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The Monkees' television show would be canceled in 1968 and the band’s original run wouldn’t last much longer. But all four band members would remain in the music business. The Monkees would reunite in the late ‘80s after the show became popular in reruns and would continue to tour over the next four decades, although most of the time, it was without Nesmith. Nesmith would pursue a country career in the ‘70s, and even though his work received a lukewarm reception at the time, his innovative mixture of country music, humor and psychedelia has made him a pioneer in the alt-country genre. Nesmith died in 2021, shortly after touring with Dolenz.

Outside his work as the mainstay in Monkee reunions, Dolenz has starred in numerous theatrical productions and recently released an EP of R.E.M covers. He still tours as a solo act.

Davy Jones went on to perform in Monkee reunions and guest star on several TV shows, most notably on an episode of “The Brady Bunch,” where he was the target of Marcia Brady’s affection. He passed away in 2012.

Peter Tork was a mainstay of The Monkees’ live performances through numerous reunions and played in a band called Shoe Suede Blues. Tork died in 2019 after a long battle with cancer.

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Hanson's gorgeous acapella Bee Gees cover shows there's nothing like family harmony

They're so much more than the "MMMBop" band.

via William/Wikimedia Commons

Hanson, singing acapella.

In “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart,” the 2020 documentary about the Bee Gees, Noel Gallagher of Oasis noted that there is something special about when brothers harmonize. He should know since he founded Oasis in 1991 with his brother Liam. “When you got brothers singing, it’s like an instrument that no one else can buy,” Gallagher said. “You can’t go buy that sound in a shop. You can’t sing like the Bee Gees because when you got family members singing together, it’s unique.”

The Bee Gees’ incredible success with his songs “Stayin’ Alive” and “More Than a Woman” proved that there was something to the idea that when siblings sing together, there’s nothing like it. It's probably because brothers may have similar vocal tones and more time to practice while growing up together. Bands like The Beach Boys, The Jackson 5, The Carpenters and the Jonas Brothers all got a leg up on the competition by practicing together since they were little kids.

Another group that’s been around for decades with brothers singing incredible harmonies has been Hanson. Sure, everyone remembers their massive success in the late ‘90s with the inescapable hit “MMMBop.” Still, they’ve developed a loyal following, have three top 20 albums on the Billboard charts and a rigorous touring schedule.

The big draw at their shows is their mix of Hanson hits, incredible covers and buttery harmonies. The Hanson brothers, Isaac, Taylor and Zac, proved the brothers-sing-best theory on stage by singing an acapella version of “Too Much Heaven” by the Bee Gees. What’s even more impressive is that the brothers did it without a microphone, which is a considerable risk because there’s a big chance of being disrupted by the audience.

Here is a version from March 2019, when they performed on stage in Australia, the Bee Gees' home country.

- YouTubeyoutu.be


According to Hanson on Stage, the group has performed the song 26 times live, beginning in 2013. The performance we shared is at the Sydney Opera House, which is probably why the band decided to perform without microphones. The opera house was designed to allow orchestras to be heard without amplification.

“Too Much Heaven” was initially released by the Bee Gees in 1979 as a contribution to the "Music for UNICEF" fund. The band donated all of the proceeds from the single to the charity. It’s a lush ballad featuring nine layers of three-part harmonies by Barry, Maurice and Robin Gibb. The song hit number one in the U.S. and Canada and would later make it to the band’s “Spirits Have Flown” album.

Here is the Bee Gees performing the song in 1993 on the BBC’s Pebble Mill One.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Hanson recently learned they are a big reason brother-and-sister duo Billie Eilish and FINNEAS got into the music industry. “We sat in our studio with Billie Eilish and FINNEAS when they happened to be in town, [with] their parents talking to us saying, ‘We basically decided they should make music ’cause we saw Hanson and you guys seemed like you were OK,'” Taylor told Billboard. “Like, that’s insane … and here they are, they’ve done incredible, beautiful work.”

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Science

MIT’s trillion-frames-per-second camera can capture light as it travels

"There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."

photo from YouTube|Nova50

Photographing the path of light.

A new camera developed at MIT can photograph a trillion frames per second (fps).

Compare that with a traditional movie camera which takes a mere 24fps. This new advancement in photographic technology has given scientists the ability to photograph the movement of the fastest thing in the Universe: light.

The actual event occurred in a nano second—that is one billionth of a second—but the camera has the ability to slow it down to twenty seconds.

time, science, frames per second, bounced light

The amazing camera.

Photo from YouTube|Nova50

For some perspective, according to New York Times writer John Markoff, "If a bullet were tracked in the same fashion moving through the same fluid, the resulting movie would last three years."


In the video below, you'll see experimental footage of light photons traveling 600-million-miles-per-hour through water.

It's impossible to directly record light, so the camera takes millions of scans to recreate each image. The process has been called "femto-photography" and according to Andreas Velten, a researcher involved with the project, "There's nothing in the universe that looks fast to this camera."


This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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A toddler on her flight cried for 2 full hours. Her response a masterclass in kindness.

"Let's normalize being good humans while traveling."

Photo credit: Canva

Yes. Sometimes it really is that easy.

Sure, there are parents out there who essentially see the entire world as their kid’s playground, but by and large most parents really don’t want to subject anyone else to the whims of their little ones. This goes for flights too. When a baby or toddler can’t sit still or won’t stop crying, it’s also incredibly stressful for the parents doing their best to keep things calm while essentially becoming in-flight pariahs. Fun.

In other words, a little empathy can go a long way. And that’s why so many are applauding a now-viral TikTok from Samantha Chadwick (@samanthachadwickk), which shows exactly how powerful a simple mindset shift can be.

In the clip we see Chadwick in her airplane seat, headphones on, as the onscreen text reads:

“There’s a baby on my flight that’s been crying non-stop for like two hours. She sounds so uncomfortable, and her parents are working so hard to calm her down. They are probably feeling so much anxiety and pressure right now. People behind them are talking about the baby screaming. So instead of complaining, I just put on my headphones and watched my show & could barely hear her. It’s that easy.”

TLDR: Babies cry. Parents are trying. Thank God for headphones. Keep on keepin’ on.

@samanthachadwickk Lets normalize being good humans while traveling 🫶🏼 #babycrying #babytravel #travel ♬ Use this sound to go viral - Andrew

Chadwick’s message clearly struck a chord with parents who have been in similar circumstances. Many had also been on the receiving end of kindness from strangers, and it was everything.

“As a mom THANK YOU the anxiety you get when your baby cries in places like that is through the roof.”

“My baby screamed for over an hour on a flight, I tried everything to calm him down and felt terrible. as a man was getting off he stopped and told me I did a great job. It really meant the world.”

“I wish EVERYONE was this kind. I ‘ll never forget my baby crying for an entire 6 hour flight after we got stuck in Vegas and I was exhausted and stressed and multiple sweet angels offered to hold my baby.”

Others could agree with Chadwick’s sentiments exactly.

“Those poor parents. Thank you for handling it like an adult.”

“I always feel bad for the parents, so stressful.”

Others echoed the notion that, unlike the parents actually dealing with the crying child, there are some things the other person can control.

“I am SO sensitive to sounds and get incredibly irritable about them. I bring earplugs/headphones bc that’s MY problem. I don’t understand ppl who try to blame others for their issues.”

“I always say as adults we have the option to wear headphones, that baby and parents are suffering more than anyone else on the plane!”

Listen, it’s understandable that people’s fuses have gotten shorter while traveling because, let’s face it, there’s a lot of questionable choices being made these days, and being cramped together in a steel box thousands of feet in the air only makes it more intolerable. But families have also been put through the ringer several times even before boarding the plane and would like a nice, peaceful flight as much as everyone else. We might not like the hand we’re dealt by the flights gods that day, but for those some odd hours, we’re all in this together. So let’s do our part.

Or as Chadwick put it, “Let’s normalize being good humans while traveling.”

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'A Christmas Carol' summarized in Gen Z slang is giving hella holiday cheer

Comedian Richard Franks understood the assignment, no cap.

Richard Franks/Instagram, Book cover in the public domain

You've never seen "A Christmas Carol" summarized like this.

Since its publication in 1843, Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" has been retold in a zillion different ways, from serious stage plays to animated musicals to a Muppet movie to a horror miniseries. The role of Ebenezer Scrooge (or his character equivalent) has been played by famous actors such as Michael Caine, Bill Murray, Jim Carrey, Patrick Stewart, Albert Finney and Ryan Reynolds. Most of us are at least somewhat familiar with Tiny Tim and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, but the beloved holiday tale has never seen a plot summary quite like comedian Richard Franks'.

Franks has been delighting his audience with Gen Z slang summaries of Shakespeare's plays, and now he's doing the same with the classic Dickensian Christmas ghost story. Acting as a teacher in front of a classroom, Franks goes through the plot of "A Christmas Carol" in Gen Z speak with hilarious accuracy. Parents of a teens and young adults will likely recognize a lot of these terms, though they may not know what they actually mean.

Watch how naturally he speaks the lingo:

The best part is that it's actually a perfect summary of the story, though only Gen Z would fully understand it. Older folks may roll their eyes at how younger folks are changing how words are used, but every generation has its own version of language manipulation. The Boomers coined "groovy" and Gen X had "totally radical," after all. Millennials and Gen Z have a lot of crossover between them, but the youngsters have established their own flavor (much of which comes from African-American Vernacular English, or AAVE).

People of all generations are loving Frank's comic take on it all, though.

"You’ve done it again, bruh."

"I haven't finished watching it, I am already laughing. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂"

"Literally the only reason I understood what you’re saying is because I know the plot already, otherwise I’d be done for 😂"

"I love these sketches, they are just genius!! 🙌"

"This is Christmas cheer! (still laughing at 'full on Miley Cyrus and buy yourself flowers')"

If you watched the video in complete befuddlement because you aren't regularly around Gen Zers and have no idea what Franks is saying, here's a glossary to help you out with some of the terminology:

Straight up = truly

Vibes = feeling or mood

No cap = no lie/for real

Tea = gossip/information

Salty AF = very bitter

Throwing shade 24/7 = expressing contempt all day every day

Be giving = is giving off a vibe or feeling

Walking ick = undesirable person

Hella = extremely OR a large amount of (depending on usage)

Pulls up = arrives

Sesh = session

Massive simp = being excessively attentive or affectionate toward someone who's less interested

Nah, bruh = no thanks

Toxic mad riz = manipulative charisma

Ate and left no crumbs = did something perfectly

YOLO = You Only Live Once (same idea as carpe diem)

Bet = yes, I'm in

Slay = do something exceptionally well and with confidence

Low key = basically/undramatically

Understood the assignment = fully grasped the expectation and successfully met it

It's one thing to understand Gen Z's language and it's another to be able to speak it. Some parents like to mess with their kids by attempting to use slang terms and using them completely wrong—always a good laugh. One middle school teacher is on a mission to help parents out by sharing some Gen Alpha slang terms, and another teacher admits to making up slang words to try to convince his students that they're real.

Language is fun, and finding the humor in the way different generations use it makes for excellent comedy. If you want to see more of Richard Franks' Gen Z slang literature lessons, you can follow him on Instagram.

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