upworthy
Joy

Meet a mom who takes care of people's babies while they make huge parenting decisions.

This is what it's like to be an 'interim parent.'

Black and white photo of woman looking into a baby carrier
Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

Jillian, “...my heart skips a beat."


I'm trying desperately to be respectful of the person speaking to me, but my husband keeps texting me.

First he sends me a selfie of him with Rafi*, then it's an account of who stopped him on his way into the NICU.

Then, he suggests I take a selfie with Jillian* so he can post them side-by-side on Facebook and boast that we finally have two babies.

People will ask if they're twins, I'm sure. But they're not twins. In fact, the babies aren't even ours.

Man and woman each holding a baby

James' dream come true: Two babies! Rafi in the NICU with Tatte, Jillian at home with Eema.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

I take care of these babies because I'm what's known as an "interim parent."

Two young girls with a laptop, bottles, and a baby.

Over the past four years, my family has cared for 22 newborns.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

The program I'm part of is rare; there are very few like it in the United States.

While the babies are in my care, the birth parents retain their legal rights as parents and are encouraged to visit their babies (if that's something they would like).

Three children hold a baby

My three kids with our baby before he meets his forever mommy.

Photo by Ann Lapin, used with permission.

If they weren't in the care of interim moms like me, these tiny babies might wait in the hospital a few extra days while their adoptions are finalized—or they might enter the foster care system.

In New York and most states, biological parents have 30 days after adoption proceedings begin to change their minds about their placement plan.

I became an interim parent when a local mom posted about it on our neighborhood Yahoo! group.

"That! THAT I can do!" I thought, as I looked at the computer screen.

I was thrilled. I felt incapable of doing other types of volunteer work, but I felt like I had finally found a community service that I could perform. So, my husband and I applied. And after months of doctor appointments, background checks, interviews, and letters of reference from close friends, we were accepted.

Woman with three children pushes an empty a stroller

We left the adoption agency with an empty stroller — but it didn't stay that way for long!

Photo by Stacey Natal/ Total City Girl, used with permission.

The hope with the interim boarding care program is that biological parents have time to gain clarity about their decisions without pressure.

It also helps adoptive parents feel secure in their status as parents.

The children don't usually get the chance to be present when one of our babies goes home, so this was a special day. Roughly 30% of the babies I've cared for have returned to their biological parents after their stay with me, and the rest have been adopted. Many of the birth mothers I've known have pursued open adoptions, selecting and meeting their child's forever families.

People often ask me what the experience of interim parenting is like, but there's no rule: Each case is different.

Babies stay with us, on average, for a few weeks. But one baby stayed with us with five days, another for nine and a half weeks.

Whatever the scenario, my family and I are available to care for these babies until they go home ... wherever "home" may be.

Woman looks into a baby carrier

This work can be emotionally challenging, too.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl used with permission.

This work can be emotionally challenging, too. Some biological parents do not interact with us at all while they're making big decisions, and some end up being very involved. Some text regularly, requesting photos and updates on the baby while the baby is in our care. Sometimes they schedule weekly visits with the babies. One birth mom became such a constant in our life that my son asked if we could bake her cookies.

I am often blown away by the biological parents' gratitude.

Melody* was one of the most beautiful babies I'd ever cared for, and I met her parents a couple of times. When they came to take her home, it was as though she was the only one in the room. When they thanked me for taking care of her, my lip started to quiver.

I had also never met Jibraan's dad, either, when I placed him in his arms the day they went home together. "From the bottom of my heart ... I can't tell you what you've done for me," he said. I remember that he towered over me, the size of a linebacker, clenching his jaw to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks.

Woman smiling on the phone

Big smiles and on the phone.

Photo by Stacey Natal/Total City Girl, used with permission.

When I wave goodbye to the social workers at the agency after introducing each baby to their forever family, I always wonder how long it will be before I get to hold another baby.

I don't get attached to each baby, per se. But I get attached to having a baby, to taking care of a baby. I resent my empty arms, and I feel like I've lost my purpose. So each time I see the adoption agency's phone number pop up on caller ID, my heart skips a beat.

When the voice on the other end says, "Hi, Ann ... are you ready to take another baby?" my first thought is, "Baby! I'm getting a BABY!" That excitement lasts for at least 48 hours.

But even as the adrenaline calms down and the sleepless nights begin to take their toll, the experience of caring for each baby proves to be more than enough motivation for me to keep going.

The emotions that swell when my babies go home with any parent—their adoptive parents or their birth parents—are not just because of the emptiness I feel in my arms or even because of the happiness I have for my babies and their families.

The emotions I feel are because of the fullness in my heart and the gratitude I have for being a part of each of these babies' stories, even if it's just for a moment.


This article was written by Ann Lapin and originally appeared nine years ago.

From Your Site Articles
Family

'It's not Little Sun': Mom admits she's having trouble pronouncing her newborn's name

It was fine 'til other people tried to say it and now she's confused.

via JustusMoms29/TikTok (used with permission)

Justus Stroup is starting to realize her baby's name isn't that common.

One of the many surprises that come with parenthood is how the world reacts to your child’s name. It’s less of a surprise if your child has a common name like John, Mohammed, or Lisa. But if you give your child a non-traditional name that’s gender-neutral, you’re going to throw a lot of folks off-guard and mispronunciations are going to be an issue.

This exact situation happened with TikTok user Justus Stroup, who recently had her second child, but there’s a twist: she isn’t quite sure how to pronounce her child’s name either. "I may have named my daughter a name I can't even pronounce," Stroup opens the video. "Now, I think I can pronounce it, but I've told a couple of people her name and there are two people who thought I said the same exact thing. So, I don't know that I know how to [pronounce] her name correctly."


@justusmoms29

Just when you think you name your child something normal! #2under2mom #postpartum #newborn #momsoftiktok #uniquenames #babyname #babygirl #sahm #momhumor

Stroup’s daughter is named Sutton and the big problem is how people around her pronounce the Ts. Stroup tends to gloss over the Ts, so it sounds like Suh-en. However, some people go hard on the Ts and call her “Sut-ton.”

"I'm not gonna enunciate the 'Ts' like that. It drives me absolutely nuts," she noted in her TikTok video. "I told a friend her name one time, and she goes, 'Oh, that's cute.' And then she repeated the name back to me and I was like, 'No, that is not what I said.'"

Stroup also had a problem with her 2-year-old son’s speech therapist, who thought the baby’s name was Sun and that there weren’t any Ts in the name at all. "My speech therapist, when I corrected her and spelled it out, she goes, 'You know, living out in California, I have friends who named their kids River and Ocean, so I didn't think it was that far off.'"

Stroup told People that she got the name from a TV show called “The Lying Game,” which she used to watch in high school. "Truthfully, this was never a name on my list before finding out I was pregnant with a girl, but after finding out the gender, it was a name I mentioned and my husband fell in love with," says Stroup. "I still love the name. I honestly thought I was picking a strong yet still unique name. I still find it to be a pretty name, and I love that it is gender neutral as those are the type of names I love for girls."

The mother could choose the name because her husband named their son Greyson.



The commenters thought Stroup should tell people it’s Sutton, pronounced like a button. “I hear it correctly! Sutton like Button. I would pronounce it like you, too!” Amanda wrote.

“My daughter’s name is Sutton. I say it the same way as you. When people struggle with her name, I say it’s Button but with a S. That normally immediately gets them to pronounce it correctly,” Megan added.

After the video went viral, Stroup heard from people named Hunter and Peyton, who are dealing with a similar situation. “I've also noticed the two most common names who run into the same issue are Hunter (people pronouncing it as Hunner or HUNT-ER) and Payton (pronounced Pey-Ton or Pey-tin, most prefer it as Pey-tin),” she told Upworthy.

“Another person commented saying her name is Susan and people always think it is Season or Steven,” Stroup told Upworthy. After having her second child, she learned that people mix up even the simplest names. “No name is safe at this point,” she joked.

The whole situation has Stroup rethinking how she pronounces her daughter’s name. Hopefully, she got some advance on how to tell people how to pronounce it, or else she’ll have years of correcting people in front of her. "Good lord, I did not think this was going to be my issue with this name," she said.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
baby names
Family

Real dads share 13 infuriatingly simple things they get praised for

"The bar for being a 'good dad' is low."

Derek Owens & Natalie Kinnear/Unsplash

Any dad who has young kids knows you can't take them anywhere without being complimented by strangers. It could be the park, the grocery store, or a foreign country. Anywhere you go, you're bound to hear it: "What a great dad, look at you! These kids are so lucky."

Don't get me wrong, the compliments feel amazing! It's only later that you stop and think how weird it is to get praised for doing the absolute bare minimum. Just being physically present and near your children is enough to be called a great dad, apparently. Dads are taking to social media to talk about this strange phenomenon. In a viral social media thread, guys are sharing simple, mundane moments with their kids when strangers pulled them aside to tell them how amazing they were doing.

1. Playing dress up

Wearing a funny hat, a wig, or letting your daughters paint your nails is about one of the easiest, silliest things you could possibly do. Yet it's often found worthy of praise!

"Yesterday we had my daughter's birthday at an indoor playground. She got a very nice tiara from her grandma that she wore to the party and looked like a princess. We went into the play area and she took it off and handed it to me so she wouldn't break it. I just put it on my head because, where else does a tiara go. Completely forgot about it. 15 minutes later some mom and grandma come sit next to us and instantly look at me. The grandma asks what bet I lost to have to wear it in public. I laughed and said being a dad. The mom then praised me for being a good dad, her husband wouldn't never do that, especially in public. They were so impressed that I wasn't ashamed or something," one Redditor wrote.

2. Changing a diaper

baby with diaper inside crib Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

Changing a baby's diapers is like parenting 101. It's a fundamental task of the first couple of years. Yet it's sadly way too common (especially in generations past) for dads to opt out completely.

"I have a 7 week old as of Friday and my in laws were impressed that I feed and change her. I was like seriously. Feels like a basic thing," another dad wrote.

3. Feeding

Ditto on feeding. Are you really a "great dad" for giving your baby a bottle? Or are you just doing the basics?

"When my daughter was about six months old we flew to CA for my grandma’s 95th birthday. At some point I was sitting feeding her a bottle and my dad asked my Grandma what she thought seeing me feeding my daughter. She said it was nice because she’s never seen a dad do that before," a dad said in the thread.

4. Literally just talking to children

A man having any positive interaction at all with young children? *applause*

"Sometimes people will tell me that they think I'll be such a good dad, simply because at family functions, I will sit there and talk to the kids and listen to their goofy kid stories and play with them. I only do it because people did it for me when I was young and I feel like it helped make me more personable and confident in talking to people. ... I don't feel like it's anything special, but apparently that's the mark of a good dad," another guy added.

5. Grocery shopping with the kids

Not only is it apparently unheard of for a dad to take the kids out in public alone, but to buy groceries for the family? Incredible!

"I take my kids to the grocery store all the time. Every time I do some old boomer lady wants to throw me a parade cause her husband / father / grandfather would never do those things," one dad noticed.

6. Cooking

man cutting vegetables Photo by Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

If you're a dad and you can make anything other than Kraft mac n' cheese, you may be eligible for a major international award.

A mom chimed in on this one to say, "Mom here. But this is what my husband does every week with our daughter. He does most the cooking. Because he is much better at it. He also is far better at sticking to the grocery list than me. ... But this one definitely gets the two of them plenty of comments about how wonderful he is to take care of his child."

7. Doing laundry and cleaning

Didn't you know that laundry and cleaning are 'woman's work'? If any dad lifts a finger in this area, he's automatically a hero.

"My wife was out of town three days and nights this past weekend, and my mother came over to see the kids. She heard the washing machine and asked what that noise was; I said I was doing laundry. She said, 'You're doing laundry and everything else for them?' Like, yeah. [What] do you mean? Kids will wear soiled underwear and not eat dinner?" one dad wrote.

8. Playing with kids at the park

Going to the park is the easiest, laziest way to get the kids out of the house and off your case for a while.

"Even just taking them to the park, I get a lot of 'oh my husband would never take them to the park he couldn't handle it.' You just gotta show up and be present," a father noted.

9. Going on vacation with the kids alone

To be fair, this one is a lot of work and is definitely a sign of a capable dad! But moms do this kind of thing all the time and rarely get a word of praise for it.

"I’m a full time single dad. I took my daughter to Florida last summer. At a water park, my little girl made friends with a couple other kids. The other kids mom asked me where my daughter’s mom was, I told her we were divorced. She was shocked that I had taken my daughter on vacation all by myself with no help from mom. The vibe she gave off about it kind of pissed me off," another dad said.

10. Showing up to practice

Taking kids to swim or soccer practice, while hectic on the schedule, is pretty easy! Usually you just have to sit there and read a book or catch up on work for an hour.

"I get so much credit from mums around me because I'm at all the dance classes and performances," one dad begrudgingly noticed.

11. Doing bedtime

When people tell me I'm an amazing dad for brushing my kids' teeth and reading them a story, what they don't know is I'm really just trying to get them to bed so I can relax.

boy in blue shirt brushing teeth Photo by Shalev Cohen on Unsplash

"I took my kids down to visit my sister last year for a few days; my mam is staying with her and the kids love their granny. The wife stayed home because our dog was sick, so I was flying solo. Bedtime came, and I'm going through the routine we've had since they were born - teeth brushed, washed and dressed, then bed. They're 13 and 10, so they know the drill, I was just reminding them offhandedly as they were running around her house. My sister turns to me and says, 'you're a good dad; our dad wouldn't have bothered doing any of that,'" a dad wrote.

12. Being involved in medical emergencies

"My 1yo son was in the hospital for a couple days after getting the flu and RSV which set off his asthma. I got called a good dad for being in the hospital with him overnight. The bar is way too low," a baffled father wrote.

I mean, where else would you be?!

13. "Babysitting"

If you're out flying solo with the kids, you must be giving mom a break. Kudos to you for keeping everyone alive until the boss gets back!

"The number of positive compliments I received for 'babysitting' my daughter when simply walking her in the pram was astounding. It happened almost every day?!" a dad said.

You can look at this phenomenon as a good thing. Dads spend more time with their kids than in the past, that's just a fact. Overall, we're more hands-on, more nurturing, and more involved. People, especially from older generations, aren't used to seeing it just yet and can't help but be impressed. That's a good thing and a sign of positive change!

But there is a dark side to these well-meaning compliments. At times they can feel backhanded, like they stem from a very low opinion of what dads are actually capable of. Wow you put your little girl's hair in a ponytail all by yourself without mom's help, amazing! Dads can sometimes be treated like stand-in or temporary caretakers, just holding down the fort until mom can get there. For fathers who really want to do their best, that's not a good feeling.

We just have to keep raising the bar little by little, generation by generation, until people stop being surprised when they see a dad doing a half-decent job.

From Your Site Articles
dads
Health

How often should you wash your sheets? Experts settle the debate once and for all.

People have all kinds of opinions on this.

Kampus Production/Canva

How often do you change your sheets?

If you were to ask a random group of people, "How often do you wash your sheets?" you'd likely get drastically different answers. There are the "Every single Sunday without fail" folks, the "Who on Earth washes their sheets weekly?!?" people and everyone in between.

According to a survey of 1,000 Americans conducted by Mattress Advisor, the average time between sheet changings or washings in the U.S. is 24 days—or every 3 1/2 weeks, approximately. The same survey revealed that 35 days is the average interval at which unwashed sheets are "gross."

Some of you are cringing at those stats while others are thinking, "That sounds about right." But how often should you wash your sheets, according to experts?

Hint: It's a lot more frequent than 24 days.

While there is no definitive number of days or weeks, most experts recommend swapping out used sheets for clean ones every week or two.

Dermatologist Alok Vij, MD told Cleveland Clinic that people should wash their sheets at least every two weeks, but probably more often if you have pets, live in a hot climate, sweat a lot, are recovering from illness, have allergies or asthma or if you sleep naked.

We shed dead skin all the time, and friction helps those dead skin cells slough off, so imagine what's happening every time you roll over and your skin rubs on the sheets. It's normal to sweat in your sleep, too, so that's also getting on your sheets. And then there's dander and dust mites and dirt that we carry around on us just from living in the world, all combining to make for pretty dirty sheets in a fairly short period of time, even if they look "clean."

Maybe if you shower before bed and always wear clean pajamas you could get by with a two-week sheet swap cycle, but weekly sheet cleaning seems to be the general consensus among the experts. The New York Times consulted five books about laundry and cleaning habits, and once a week was what they all recommend.

Sorry, once-a-monthers. You may want to step up your sheet game a bit.

What about the rest of your bedding? Blankets and comforters and whatnot?

Sleep.com recommends washing your duvet cover once a week, but this depends on whether you use a top sheet. Somewhere between the Gen X and Millennial eras, young folks stopped being about the top sheet life, just using their duvet with no top sheet. If that's you, wash that baby once a week. If you do use a top sheet, you can go a couple weeks longer on the duvet cover.

For blankets and comforters and duvet inserts, Sleep.com says every 3 months. And for decorative blankets and quilts that you don't really use, once a year washing will suffice.

What about pillows? Pillowcases should go in with the weekly sheet washing, but pillows themselves should be washed every 3 to 6 months. Washing pillows can be a pain, and if you don't do it right, you can end up with a lumpy pillow, but it's a good idea because between your sweat, saliva and skin cells, pillows can start harboring bacteria.

Finally, how about the mattress itself? Home influencers on TikTok can often be seen stripping their beds, sprinkling their mattress with baking soda, brushing it into the mattress fibers and then vacuuming it all out. Architectural Digest says the longer you leave baking soda on the mattress, the better—at least a few hours, but preferably overnight. Some people add a few drops of essential oil to the baking soda for some extra yummy smell.

If that all sounds like way too much work, maybe just start with the sheets. Pick a day of the week and make it your sheet washing day. You might find that climbing into a clean, fresh set of sheets more often is a nice way to feel pampered without a whole lot of effort.


This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
home
Pop Culture

'Wheel of Fortune' fans left shocked after contestant wins $50,000 solving impossible puzzle

“How in the world did you solve that last one?” asked host Ryan Seacrest.

Wheel of Fortune/Youtube

That was quite impressive.

Listen, while we all love a hilarious Wheel of Fortune fail, watching an epic win can be just as entertaining. And that’s exactly what recently happened on The Wheel when a contestant named Traci Demus-Gamble made a winning puzzle solve so out-of-nowhere that it made host Ryan Seacrest jokingly check her for a hidden earpiece.

In a clip posted to the show’s YouTube account Friday, Jan. 17, Demus-Gamble waved to her husband who was standing on the sidelines before going up to the stage for her next challenge: guess a four-word “phrase.”

Demus-Gamble wasn’t off to a great start, as only two of her given letters (“T” and “E”) made it to the board. And the odds didn’t improve much after Demus-Gamble, admittedly “nervous,” gave the letters “M,” “C,” “D,” and “O” and only two of those letters showed up once on the board.

“Again, not too much more, but who knows, you’ve had a lot of good luck tonight,” Seacrest said. “Maybe it’ll strike you.”

Then, all in under ten seconds (more like in 1.5 seconds), Demus-Gamble correctly guessed, “They go way back” like it was nothing.

Watch the incredible moment below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

As the audience cheered, Seacrest playfully circled Demus-Gamble, as though searching for an earpiece that must have fed her the winning guess. Down in the comments, people were equally floored.

“Now THAT was an amazing solve.”

“Wow! That was impressive!”

“I couldn't solve that one to save my life, but Demus-Gamble got it like it was nothing.”

“There's only one way to describe this to me: 😦”

At the end of the clip, Seacrest opened the envelope to reveal that Demus-Gamble’s puzzle solve won her $50,000, earning her a total win of $78,650. Certainly not chump change.

As for her winning strategy—Demus-Gamble assured no cheating was involved. “I just dug deep," she told Seacrest. We’ll say.

From Your Site Articles
joy
Family

Korean mom has a perfect response to the teacher who called her son's lunches 'disgusting'

Good for her for standing up for her child's culture.

via Roman Harak/Flickr

A Korean mother and her son

A recently posted story on Reddit shows a mother confidently standing up for her family after being bullied by a teacher for her culture. Reddit user Flowergardens0 posted the story to the AITA forum, where people ask whether they are wrong in a specific situation. Over 5,600 people commented on the story, and an overwhelming majority thought the mother was right. Here’s what went down:

“I (34F) have a (5M) son who attends preschool. A few hours after I picked him up from school today, I got a phone call from his teacher,” Flowergardens0 wrote. “She made absolutely no effort to sound kind when she, in an extremely rude and annoyed tone, told me to stop packing my son such ‘disgusting and inappropriate’ lunches."

"I felt absolutely appalled when she said this, as me and the teacher have, up until now, always maintained a very friendly relationship. She added that the lunches I’m packing my son are ‘very distracting for the other students and have an unpleasant odor.’ I told her that I understand her concerns, as the lunches I pack are definitely not the healthiest, but the lunches are according to my son’s preferences.”

The mother added that she usually sends her son to school with small celery sticks, blue cheese and goat cheese, kimchi, Spam, and spicy Sriracha-flavored Doritos.

“I ended the call by saying that I very much appreciated her worries, but that at the end of the day, I am not going to drastically change my son’s lunches all of a sudden, and that it’s not my fault if other students are ‘distracted’ by his meal,” the mother continued. “It is very important to me what my son enjoys, and I want him to like my lunches.”

The teacher replied with an email saying the mom's response was "unacceptable" and that his lunches were “just too inappropriate to be sent to school any longer.”

“I haven’t responded yet and don’t want to. I want to maintain a healthy relationship with my son’s teachers. I am confused as to what to do,” the mom ended her story.

It’s clear that the teacher is way out of line in this situation because the child is eating food that is entirely normal in Korean culture. It may have a strong odor to those who aren’t used to it, but that’s just an opportunity for the teacher to explain to the children how people from different parts of the world eat different types of food. It’s not that hard.

The only reason the teacher should have any choice over what the child eats is if it is egregiously unhealthy and may cause them or other students harm due to allergens or other factors. The most popular commenter on the forum suggested that the mother bring the issue to the principal’s attention.

"Report her to the principal," Thatshygal717 wrote. "Her comments regarding your son’s food are 'disgusting' and 'have an unpleasant tone' aka cough cough racist tone. She’s too inappropriate to be teaching at the school any longer."

Another commenter, muffiewriters, assured the mother that she was doing nothing wrong. "Your son's food is perfectly normal," they wrote. "For a 5-year-old. Your family's food is normal. The teacher is TA for not recognizing that.”

The mother hasn’t shared what she did next, but she’s handled the situation perfectly so far. She told the teacher that it’s not her fault if other kids are distracted by her food and that she will not change her son’s diet to please other people.

The beauty of America is that we are a country of many different cultures mixed like a beautiful bowl of salad. It’s great that so many people supported the mother and reminded her that her family has every right in the world to eat the food they love, and if it bothers anyone, they can keep it to themselves.


This article was originally published two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Trending Stories