upworthy

Maya Angelou tells Dave Chappelle about that time she met Tupac.

Bonus: an interview with Ray Luv, a friend of Tupac, on the rapper's poetic side

When the "Caged Bird" met the "Rose": Maya Angelou, Tupac Shakur, and the power of empathy

Five shots couldn't drop me,
I took it and smiled,
Now I'm back to set the record straight,
With my A-K,
I'm still the thug that you love to hate.
— 2pac, “Hit Em Up"




To the public, politicians, and the media that covered him, Tupac Shakur was the textbook definition of a "thug" — an uncontrollable monster that was poisoning the minds of our youth and corroding our moral fabric. If you looked at him funny, he'd get in your face. If you punched him, he and his posse would jump you. If you shot at him, well…

That's why his chance encounter with Dr. Maya Angelou stood out to most folks.


In 1992, Dr. Angelou was invited by director John Singleton to make a cameo performance in the film "Poetic Justice" starring Janet Jackson and Tupac.

Watch Dr. Angelou explain her unlikely encounter with Tupac to Dave Chappelle:

The story goes like this: As she was coming out of her trailer, she saw an angry young man in a confrontation, and she gently approached the man to ask to speak with him. He continued cursing, but Dr. Angelou — always with gentle but firm persistence — asked him this piercing question:

"When's the last time anyone told you how important you are?"

She reminded him about what his ancestors went through — traveling on slave ships, lying next to one another in their own menstruation and excrement, standing on auction blocks. She explained how they survived all of that for him to be where he is today. It brought the young man to tears.

As she returned to her trailer, Janet Jackson came running to her to explain how she had just confronted Tupac Shakur. Dr. Angelou then exclaimed, "I didn't know Tupac Shakur. I didn't know 'six-pack'! I had never heard the name!"

Many people were interested in the story simply for the fact that two icons of the black community — who seemingly couldn't be any more different — crossed paths this way, and that Dr. Angelou was able to bring a seemingly hardened gangster rapper like Tupac to tears.

But there's more to it. This is a story about the power of empathy, about meeting ferocity with love, about bravado, about seeing past a facade that society forced a young black man to construct. To really understand the power of this moment, you have to go deeper.

An interview with Ray Luv, a friend of Tupac

I had the opportunity to sit down for an exclusive interview with Ray Luv, a longtime friend of Tupac's. On a perfect early spring day in Los Angeles, we met up at The Roosevelt Hotel, just around the corner from where the Oscars had been held a few days before.

Ray's got a deep voice, and when he speaks, you can almost hear the bass of his voice echo inside his chest. He speaks with a passion for social justice and shares a lot of the same revolutionary fire that made Tupac so different from the rest of the hip-hop world.

Talking to a 42-year-old Ray and seeing him there with his sons, you can hear the passion of his youth, but it's moderated by the wisdom that comes from the ups and downs of life. I couldn't help but wonder what Tupac would have been like had he lived to 42.

Growing up politically aware

My mother never let me forget my history,
Hoping I was set free chains never put on me,
Wanted to be more than just free,
Had to know the true facts about my history.
— 2pac, "Panther Power"



Ray first met Pac when they were both in high school. Ray had been living on his own since 15. Like Tupac, he had come from a home shadowed by addiction, and also like Tupac, he had gone from a black junior high and enrolled in a predominantly white high school. What really brought them together, though, was a shared passion and drive to make it in the rap game.

They soon met Leila Steinberg, who held writing workshops and a poetry circle in the community. Seeing their circumstances at home, Leila decided to take them in, and under her care, they developed an appreciation of poetry and a hunger for knowledge.

"Leila was kinda like our third piece," says Ray, "because she opened us up more to the poetry side of things. Not that we weren't doing it. It's just that there was nobody there to cultivate it, to expose us to a lot of the new material that ultimately helped us to create the deeper songs. The songs like 'So Many Tears.'"

But even prior to meeting Leila, Tupac was already well-versed in the history of the African-American community. The revolutionary streak ran thick in his bloodline. His mother, Afeni Shakur, was a Black Panther. His stepfather, Mutulu Shakur, was a former member of the Black Liberation Army and is still serving time. His aunt, Assata Shakur, is currently living in Cuba under political asylum (yes, that Assata from the song by Common, which, side note, is why many were upset when Common was invited to the White House). This upbringing gave Tupac a solid grounding in activism and a passion to stand up for the injustices done to the black community.

So, while Maya Angelou didn't know Tupac from a six-pack, Pac was intimately familiar with her work.

"He had no chill, no off button."

Bought a fo'-five cause I heard that the slug's bigger,
Figure the first motherfucker to jump'll find hisself,
Gettin' swept off his feet by the pump.
— 2pac, "Definition of a Thug Nigga"


As thoughtful as Tupac was, there's no doubt he had a temper. It was there from day one.

"He had no chill ... no chill button," says Ray. "No off switch, none of that. I just spent an afternoon with his mother just chilling and talking, and she still has no chill switch, and she's like late-60s."

Ray explained how most people would pick their battles, but Tupac couldn't walk away from a fight. In fact, at a panel during the opening of the Tupac exhibit at the GRAMMY Museum in LA, friends like Ray and Money B from Digital Underground explained how you couldn't really consider yourself a friend of Tupac's if you had never gotten in an argument with him. Money B joked that "calm down" was his trigger phrase. If you asked him to calm down mid-fight, he'd take it from a 10 to a 12.

"That's something that is always said every time a black person does a little too much," says Ray. "It's like, 'calm down,' because, you know, the white people are watching. When, in actuality, there's some things that you should be pissed off about. You shouldn't burn down your neighborhood, but maybe you should stand up and say 'This is some bullshit. We can do better. We should do better.' Tupac was that guy — the guy who felt like he had to fight every fight and felt like he was the one that had to fight because if he didn't, who would?"

In the following clip, Tupac talks about his frustration with the shadow cast by the alter ego he created to defend himself. If you had an intruder in your house, he says, you wouldn't speak with a quiet voice. You'd puff out your chest and act threatening. The same went for Tupac. He felt like he had to create this bravado image to protect himself, but he was increasingly frustrated that it came to define him.


Yes, this alter ego — originally created as a defense mechanism — became the only thing people knew about him. But Ray says, "That's why Pac was so appealing to my generation. It was a generation full of angry kids."

It was precisely that anger and aggression put into poetic words that expressed the frustrations of a generation who had seen their family units torn apart, forced to fight poverty, drugs, crime, and police brutality, fighting for survival on all fronts. Yet, the same characteristic that drew so many people to Tupac trapped him in a crude caricature of a single facet of his complicated personality.

The 'Bird' meets the 'Rose'

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
— Maya Angelou, “ Caged Bird"






In 1992, fresh off the critical acclaim of "Boyz n the Hood," John Singleton began filming "Poetic Justice" in Simi Valley, a sleepy suburb of LA. Tupac, then only 21 years old, had only one album to his name, "2Pacalypse Now."

During the filming of the movie, the LA riots broke out. It was this volatile mix — a young man coming into fame, racial tensions reaching a boiling point, a militant upbringing, a short temper, being trapped in an alter ego of his own creation — that Maya Angelou first encountered.

What was it about Dr. Angelou that pierced through all of his defense mechanisms? I asked Ray to talk about it.

"Well, you know, that was the thing, too, about our generation is that we lost our parents," says Ray. "We were the first kids to really lose our parents. Like, my parents had parents [around], you know what I mean? They can remember a clear village raising the child — you know grandparents, the whole thing. My generation kinda had the streets ... and I think that [Dr. Angelou] looked at him in a way that [was] really the way we always wanted to be looked at by the older black generation, that we were their kids, not that we were some kind of fuckin', you know, mutant thing that happened, that they don't understand, that they're afraid of."

Not only was this new generation of voices from the black community shouted down, told to be quiet, told to work within the system, but they also faced people like C. Delores Tucker from within their own community publicly shaming them, attacking them, but never once sitting down with any of them to have dialogue.

So, at the surface, we saw Tupac as angry, militant, and foul-mouthed. But underneath was this complicated mix of upbringing, personality, circumstance, and culture that influenced all his interactions with people.

Dr. Angelou didn't need to know his history to know that he was a young kid who needed to be reminded of his worth. She spoke to him about the history of his people because she knew it was a shared pain. Tupac knew it not only from reading about it, but from living it himself.

In the next clip, Tupac paraphrases from his famous poem, "The Rose That Grew From Concrete." He talks about how if you see a rose growing from the concrete, you marvel at its tenacity for making it that far, rather than tear it down for its imperfections. So, he asks, why don't we celebrate the fact that he made it out from the unlikeliest of circumstances, rather than tear him down for his outward appearance?

This was the deep empathy of Maya Angelou touching the heart of a fierce, compassionate, intelligent, complicated, and misunderstood young Tupac Shakur. It's a lesson we should remember today.

It is amazing what barriers can be broken down when we see beyond the surface and when someone feels truly heard.

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

Animals & Wildlife

London Zoo shows off miraculous baby pictures from 6 endangered species

They called the 'baby boom' a huge win in the fight against extinction.

London Zoo

Golden lion tamarin primates

Yes, we’re entering the age of the baby boom. No, not our beloved home-owning generation that remembers listening to music on vinyl records and watching the first episode of “Saturday Night Live” ever aired. No, this time, there’s a new baby boom at the London Zoo. It’s a heartwarming moment for the world’s oldest scientific zoo (which opened in 1828) because six tiny, pint-sized additions were recently born there.


Sign of London Zoo's entranceLondon Zoo! Photo credit: Canva


If you visit the London Zoo, you’ll see that many animals are part of its conservation breeding programs. This means that they participate in a unique initiative to save their species, hoping to return them to the wild someday. And there’s more good news: London Zoo conservationists have already successfully bred and reintroduced various species back into the wild, such as the Partula Snail, Northern Bald Ibis, Fen Raft Spider, and many others.

So, while very cute, the zoo’s latest additions also play an essential part in each species’ survival and the zoo’s overall conservation efforts. Many of the newly born species are at high risk of extinction because they can no longer survive in their natural habitats due to deforestation, habitat loss, and climate change. Thus, their captive breeding becomes a vital “safety net.” For example, Darwin’s Frogs, one of the many endangered species at the London Zoo, are safe in their Regent’s Park digs from chytrid fungus. This deadly fungal disease is responsible for decimating amphibian populations worldwide.

These births also provide a safe opportunity to study animal behavior, reproduction, and health in controlled environments—insights that can be applied to conservation strategies worldwide.

But what are these elusive endangered species? And are they really that cute? Let’s dive in.


Two twin Golden lion tamarin primates

Say hello to London Zoo’s newest Golden Lion Tamarin twins, Pomelo (male) and Clementine (female). Born last spring, they joined their older brother, Kumquat, with all three primates named after citrus fruits, an ode to their distinct, vibrantly orange fur.) Golden lion tamarins, or Leontopithecus rosalia, are native to Brazil but, unfortunately, face severe survival threats due to habitat loss and the illegal pet trade. In the 1970s, it’s estimated that their wild population dropped to as few as a record-dropping 200, but has since improved.


Rainforest image from London ZooThe rainforest habitat that Clementine and Pomelo reside inPhoto credit: Canva


Both parents love and care for Clementine and Pomelo, who are safe at their home at the London Zoo. As is typical for the species, their father, Fabio, takes care of the little ones most of the time and periodically passes them to their mother for feeding, one at a time.


Fia, the White-faced saki monkey

Alongside the tamarins, a ten-month-old white-faced named Fia has also joined the rainforest habitat.

Fia joins her mother, Kaituma, her father, Milagre, and her older sister, Maya. In 2023, the small family moved to the London Zoo from Whipsnade Zoo in Bedfordshire, England.


Fia, wrapped up in her mother's warmthFia, wrapped up in her mother's warmthLondon Zoo


Fia and her family live in the zoo’s “Rainforest Life,” a high-profile exhibit that educates visitors about rainforest ecosystems and the importance of preserving biodiversity. White-faced sakis, or pithecia pithecia, are found in the rainforests of northern South America, including Brazil, Guyana, and Venezuela. They live almost completely in the trees and almost never come down. They are named for the male’s appearance, which is black, except for the head, which is white or reddish. Females, meanwhile, are primarily brown or brown-gray.


Two Asian short-clawed otter pups

Then, there are the two Asian short-clawed otter pups. Born in January, they are too young to be named, and their genders have yet to be determined. Their mother, Midge (who joined London Zoo from Newquay Zoo in 2024), has been dutifully nursing the pups in their nesting area alongside their father, Siyam.

Also known as Aonyx cinereus, Asian short-clawed otters (or Asian small-clawed otters) are the world’s smallest otters, ranging from just 4 to 11 pounds. Its short dark brown hair is relatively short, and the whiskers it sports help detect changes in water current and pressure.

This shallow-water otter lives in freshwater wetlands, mangrove swamps, and fast-flowing, rocky streams throughout southern India, southern China, and parts of Southeast Asia. However, human development and pollution are destroying the wetlands where they live.


Alaotran gentle lemur

Last is London Zoo’s two-month-old Alaotran gentle lemur, who was born to parents Hazo and Rocky. Unnamed so far, the baby lemur has already begun to explore its outdoor environment, nibbling leafy greens alongside its mother and jimping around.



With fewer than 5,000 lemurs remaining, the Alaotran gentle lemur, or Hapalemur alaotrensis, is considered critically endangered. This species is endemic to the papyrus marshes surrounding Madagascar’s largest lake, Lake Alaotra, and is the only primate that lives exclusively in wetland environments. Their marshes face severe threats from habitat destruction due to illegal burning for rice farming and invasive species in Madagascar.

These six births extend far beyond a high-profile attraction for the London Zoo: they are significant steps in safeguarding species on the brink of extinction while teaching the public more about the importance of habitat preservation and biodiversity conservation.

Plus, they’re pretty darn cute, aren’t they?


Excited Anna Kendrick GIFGiphy

Science

Innovative farm in Virginia can grow 4 million pounds of strawberries on less than one acre

This method uses 97 percent less land and up to 90 percent less water than conventional farming.

A new way to grow strawberries with less land, less water, and more berries.

Strawberry farm harvests aren't something most of us calculate on a regular basis (or ever at all), but the numbers from a strawberry farm in Richmond, Virginia, are staggering enough to make it worth an old-school word problem. If the average American eats 8 pounds of strawberries a year, and an average strawberry farm yields approximately 20,000 pounds of berries per acre, how many people could a 200-acre strawberry field feed?

I won't make you do the math. The answer is 500,000 people. But what if a crop that size, providing enough strawberries for half a million people, could be grown on just one acre instead of 200? It's possible. You just have to go—or rather grow—up, up, up.

Indoor vertical farm company Plenty Unlimited knows a lot about growing up. In fact, it's their entire business model. Instead of the sprawling fields that traditional farming methods require, vertical farms have a much smaller land footprint, utilizing proprietary towers for growing. Plenty has used vertical farming methods to grow greens such as lettuce, kale, spinach and more for years, but now it boasts a vertical berry farm that can yield a whopping 4 million pounds of strawberries on a little less than an acre.

Growing indoors means not being at the mercy of weather or climate inpredictability (barring a storm taking out your building), which is wise in the era of climate change. Unlike a traditional greenhouse which still uses the sun for light, Plenty's indoor vertical farms make use of the latest technology and research on light, pinpointing the wavelengths plants need from the sun to thrive and recreating them with LED lights. Plenty farms also don't use soil, as what plants really need is water and nutrients, which can be provided without soil (and with a lot less water than soil requires). Being able to carefully control water and nutrients means you can more easily control the size, taste and uniformity of the berries you’re growing.

If that sounds like a lot of control, it is. And that idea might freak people out. But when a highly controlled environment means not having to use pesticides and using up to 90% less water than traditional farming, it starts to sound like a solid, sustainable farming innovation.

Plenty even uses AI in its strawberry farm, according to its website:

“Every element of the Plenty Richmond Farm–including temperature, light and humidity–is precisely controlled through proprietary software to create the perfect environment for the strawberry plants to thrive. The farm uses AI to analyze more than 10 million data points each day across its 12 grow rooms, adapting each grow room’s environment to the evolving needs of the plants – creating the perfect environment for Driscoll’s proprietary plants to thrive and optimizing the strawberries’ flavor, texture and size.”

Plenty even has its own patent-pending method of pollinating the strawberry flowers that doesn’t require bees. Even just the fact that this enormous crop of strawberries will be coming from Virginia is notable, since the vast majority of strawberries in the U.S. are grown in California.

strawberry fieldTraditional strawberry farming takes up a lot of land.Photo credit: Canva

Plenty's Richmond farm is currently growing strawberries exclusively for Driscoll’s.

“Partnering with Plenty for the launch of the Richmond Farm allows us to bring our premium strawberries closer to consumers in the Northeast, the largest berry consumption region in the U.S.,” Driscoll’s CEO Soren Bjorn said in a press release. “By combining our 100 years of farming expertise and proprietary varieties along with Plenty’s cutting-edge technology, we can deliver the same consistent flavor and quality our customers love — now grown locally. This new innovative farm is a powerful step forward in continuing to drive category growth in new ways for our customers and consumers.”

Is Plenty’s model the farm of the future? Perhaps it’s one option, at least. The more we grapple with the impact of climate change and outdated, unsustainable farming practices, the more innovative ideas we’ll need to feed the masses. If they can get 4 million pounds of strawberries out of an acre of land, what else is possible?

Photo credit: YYZBrennan

A Delta flight from Minneapolis flipped over and caught fire upon landing in Toronto.

Flying has often been touted as one of the safest modes of transportation, but after a rash of aviation accidents in February of 2025, people are starting to have questions. What the heck is happening in the friendly skies? Why is there a sudden uptick in plane crashes? Is flying still safe?

One of the weirdest aviation incidents we've seen is the Delta flight that flipped upside down upon landing in Toronto on February 17, knocking off a wing and catching fire as it skidded to a stop on the tarmac. The 76 passengers on the commuter plane found themselves hanging upside down in the cabin as flight attendants raced to get everyone out of the plan quickly and safely. Miraculously, no one was killed, and though 21 injured passengers were initially transported to the hospital, 19 have been released as of February 19.

The thought of having your airplane do a 180-degree roll on the runway and having to exit a burning aircraft from a bat-like position is sheer nightmare fuel, but there are some important lessons we can all learn from how this incident played out.

1. Always obey seat belt instructions—"low and tight across your lap"

If you fly with any regularity at all, chances are you zone out during the pre-takeoff safety instructions, but this accident definitely has us all at least thinking about our seat belt compliance. Imagine how easy it would be to slip out of the seat belt hanging upside down if it weren't buckled low and tight.

There's a reason the seat belt sign exists. If footage of extreme turbulence isn't enough to rattle you into always staying buckled when the light is on, this crash likely will.

2. Respect your flight attendants

Flight attendants sometimes have to deal with difficult or rude passengers, which is unfortunate, especially since those same passengers rely on flight attendants to do their jobs in an emergency to ensure their safety. Flight attendants don't get to freak out when a plane crashes—they have to tap right into their emergency evacuation training.

But in this case, there was no specific training for this specific scenario because who would imagine it ever happening? But those flight attendants were able to improvise and get the passengers on board out of their upside down positions, out the exits and onto the tarmac within seconds of the crash happening. This is a good reminder that even though flying is usually smooth and without incident, flight attendants are primarily there for our safety, not servers there at our beck and call.

3. Regulations in aircraft design help keep us safe

One of the reasons this crash went the way it did is because of the way the plane was designed and made. From the way the wing broke off without tearing apart the fuselage (the body of the plane) to the way the seats remained in tact and firmly planted despite being upside down with people in them, the aviation engineers behind the building of this aircraft—as well as the regulations in place that require more safety features—deserve some kudos.

“Everything that could go wrong went wrong, yet 80 people survived the accident,” said David Soucie, a CNN safety analyst and former FAA safety inspector who credited better plane design, improved safety and stronger, more secure seats for the survival rate.

"Even the design of the seat back or the tray table is all part of how we consider making that survivable space," Graham Braithwaite, professor of safety and accident investigation at the UK's Cranfield University, told the BBC. "And the seatbelt that people have is so important - that is the ultimate thing that stops people being thrown around the cabin like this."

4. People are pretty awesome, actually

Reports from people who were on the flight indicate that the passengers helped one another out and were generally awesome in an incredibly harrowing situation.

One man shared that he and the woman sitting next to him, who hadn't spoken to each other the entire flight, gave one another a long hug after getting out of their seats. "It was nice to see people working together, as in like no one held anyone back from getting off the plane or getting out of their seat, or whatever," he said. "No one was like, 'I need to be first!'"

Working together with the crew to evacuate smoothly may have saved lives, as he reported there was an explosion a few minutes after everyone got off the plane. Phew.

"The most powerful part of today was, there was just people. No countries, no nothing," another passenger said. "There was just people together helping each other." Beautiful.

5. Flying is still dramatically safer than driving

Even with the wave of plane incidents we've seen included, flying is still statistically safer than driving in a car. People are understandably nervous about flying right now, but that's the impact of mass media coverage. If we saw news stories and headlines about every car accident in the country every day, we'd be freaking out about driving cars, but we don't see those. Accidents happen in aviation, but usually only the major commercial plane incidents make national or international news.

If we look just as the numbers, January of 2025 was actually a record low month of airplane accidents nationwide. Not to downplay what's been happening in February, but we've really become accustomed to extreme safety when it comes to flying. The past 15 years have seen the lowest airplane fatalities than any other 15-year period ever, so we should probably wait to freak out too much over the seemingly anomalous accident rate of the past two weeks.

At least that's what I'm telling myself before I hop on my next flight.

Gentle parenting may create more stress than traditional parenting

Gentle parenting continues to be the most talked about new way to parent children. It focuses on recognizing and validating the child's emotional response rather than a form of punishment. The idea is to honor the child's autonomy and respect as a new human in this world while teaching them emotional regulation to better help them navigate life. It's a beautiful theory in the abstract but in practice, the parenting technique isn't as easy as social media makes you believe it is.

Many parents are now reporting struggling with gentle parenting and a recent study gives a surprising answer as to why that might be. When a person is using gentle parenting, they also have to be in charge of regulating their own emotions since you can't help a child regulate theirs if you're not calm. This step can be a bit of a stumbling block for some parents, especially when a behavior continues to occur and frustration sets in.

Parents who use a more traditional parenting approach don't appear to have the same level of stress as those who use gentle parenting. Surprisingly, the stress difference isn't due to lack of boundaries which a lot of people associate with gentle parenting. The increased level of stress for those who gentle parent is actually because there's no definition for gentle parenting according to the study.

Fun Kids GIF by Bed Bath & BeyondGiphy

Essentially, gentle parenting isn't real. There's no group of parenting experts and psychologists that have sat around and laid out the parameters of gentle parenting. It's a term coined by author Sarah Ockwell-Smith though she doesn't take credit for the parenting style she wrote a book titled, "The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven." While the book is her version of a "how to guide," there's no real definition of what gentle parenting is or what it entails.

Many parents who claim to use gentle parenting don't associate the style of parenting to the author, it's a term that sort of went viral and caught on. This is leaving new parents struggling to know what gentle parenting is and if they're doing it correctly, adding to their stress.

Parenting Go Get It GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy

The study by Anne E. Pezalla and Alice J. Davidson observes, "Gentle parenting appears to be distinct from other established measures of parenting approaches in its emphasis on boundaries, yet the enactment of those boundaries is not uniform," before later adding, "a subset of gentle parents who were highly critical of themselves reported significantly lower levels of efficacy than the rest of the sample."

This doesn't mean everyone was dissatisfied with their journey into gentle parenting, on the contrary. Most participants were happy with chossing gentle parenting but the level of stress related to questioning if they were doing it right varied. It's the ones who were critical of their own parenting that seem to struggle the most.

Meaghan Rath Comedy GIF by Children Ruin EverythingGiphy

Pezalla and Davidson highlight, "What seems to be unique about the gentle parenting movement is that it has not been presented or advocated by scholars of human development; rather, it has largely been the product of social media. Considering that parents are increasingly stressed or burned out by their caregiving responsibilities it is imperative that evidence-based guidance is made available to those who are interested in gentle parenting."

There has been a movement away from gentle parenting for some on social media, which may in part be due to the murkiness around what gentle parenting is. But gentle parenting isn't the only way to parent that focuses on teaching emotional regulation and respecting the child's autonomy. Parenting styles have been around for generations and "traditional parenting" has sort of become a catch all for anything not called gentle parenting.

The more traditional parenting styles include authoritarian, authoritative and permissive. Authoritarian parenting tends to be high discipline with little regard for the child's feelings. Permissive parenting is focused on the child's happiness with very few or no boundaries. Authoritative parenting focuses more on warmth towards the child with reasonable boundaries and consequences.

It would seem that gentle parenting takes a page from Dr. John Gottman by using emotional coaching in the parenting approach while adding things from positive parenting and conscious parenting along with what they are seeing online portrayed as gentle parenting. Since there's no evidence-based information around gentle parenting, parents practicing it may continue to feel additional stress versus those who are using more evidenced based approaches like authoritative parenting.

No matter what parenting style you have, raising a child isn't easy so if one parenting style isn't working for you, there are plenty others out there.