A guy having a collaborative conversation.
The quickest way to stop having a constructive dialog with someone is when they become defensive. This usually results in them digging in their heels and making you defensive. This can result in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that can feel impossible to break. Once that happens, the walls go up, the gloves come off and resolving the situation becomes tough.
Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” says in her book that you can prevent someone you disagree with from becoming defensive by being curious about their opinion.
Ripley is a bestselling author and the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict.
How to have a constructive conversation
Let’s say you believe the room should be painted red and your spouse says it should be blue. Instead of saying, “I think blue is ugly,” you can say, “It’s interesting that you say that…” and ask them to explain why they chose blue.
The key phrase is: “It’s interesting that you say that…”
People coming to an agreement. via Canva/Photos
When you show the other person that you genuinely care about their thoughts and appreciate their reasoning, they let down their guard. This makes them feel heard and encourages them to hear your side as well. This approach also encourages the person you disagree with to consider coming up with a collaborative solution instead of arguing to defend their position.
It’s important to assume the other person has the best intentions while listening to them make their case. “To be genuinely curious, we need to refrain from judgment and making negative assumptions about others. Assume the other person didn’t intend to annoy you. Assume they are doing the best they can. Assume the very best about them. You’ll appreciate it when others do it for you,” Kaitlyn Skelly at The Ripple Effect Education writes.
Phrases you can use to avoid an argument
The curiosity approach can also involve affirming the other person’s perspective while adding your own, using a phrase like, “On the one hand, I see what you’re saying. On the other hand…”
Here are some other phrases you can use:
“I wonder if…”
“It’s interesting that you say that because I see it differently…”
“I might be wrong, but…”
“How funny! I had a different reaction…”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that! For me, though, it seems…”
“I think I understand your point, though I look at it a little differently…”
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What's the best way to disagree with people?
A 2016 study from Yale University supports Ripley’s ideas. The study found that when people argue to “win,” they take a hard line and only see one correct answer in the conflict. Whereas those who want to “learn” are more likely to see that there is more than one solution to the problem. At that point, competition magically turns into collaboration.
“Being willing to hear out other perspectives and engage in dialogue that isn’t simply meant to convince the other person you’re right can lead to all sorts of unexpected insights,” psychologist and marketing Professor at Southern Methodist University tells CNBC.
In a world of strong opinions and differing perspectives, curiosity can be a superpower that helps you have more constructive conversations with those with whom you disagree. All it takes is a little humility and an open mind, and you can turn conflict into collaboration, building bridges instead of walls.
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Original Wonder Woman Lynda Carter becomes a superhero for the LGBTQ+ community
The actress recently defended the character as a gay icon.
Once a superhero, always a superhero.
For many, Lynda Carter is the definitive live action Wonder Woman. The actress first brought the comic book heroine to life in the '70s, and even makes an iconic cameo appearance in the modern-day films starring Gal Gadot. She’s got Wonder Woman action figures made in her likeness, for crying out loud.
All that to say, I think we can feel confident in dubbing Carter a Wonder Woman expert. She’s certainly poured a lot of heart and passion into the role over the years, and fans love her for it.
To kick off Pride Month for 2022, Carter tweeted a variant Wonder Woman comic book cover created by artist Paulina Ganucheau, which was released the previous year. The cover depicts the Amazon warrior smiling while brandishing her signature golden Lasso of Truth in front of a vibrant rainbow backdrop.
The sweet moment was cut rather short after someone commented, in all caps no less, that “Wonder Woman IS NOT A SUPER HERO FOR GAYS.”
In true Wonder Woman fashion, Carter was quick with a defensive comeback.
Carter replied, “You’re right. She’s a superhero for bisexuals!”
She attached a 2016 Polygon article where Greg Rucka, a major writer for the contemporary Wonder Woman comics, confirmed that Diana is, without a doubt, canonically queer. He added that considering the entire island of Themyscira where Diana lives was filled with only other Amazons for centuries upon centuries, “it makes no logical sense otherwise.”
Objectively, even the original conception of Wonder Woman had LGBTQ+ roots. When William Moulton Marston created her in 1941, she was inspired by both his wife Elizabeth and their polyamorous partner Olivia Byrne. Their story was depicted in the 2017 film “Professor Marston and the Wonder Women,” starring Luke Evans, Rebecca Hall and Bella Heathcote.
Carter later posted: 'I didn't write Wonder Woman, but if you want to argue that she is somehow not a queer or trans icon, then you're not paying attention.”
She also shared the the importance of keeping the character a queer icon so that others can be empowered to express themselves authentically. “Every time someone comes up to me and says that WW helped them while they were closeted, it reminds me how special the role is,” she wrote.
She then posted a photo from her Wonder Woman TV show days along with the caption: “Love seeing all the love from LGBTQ+ fans today! Now here’s one I’d like to call the ‘ready to fight your homophobic relatives’ pose. Just kidding. (Or am I)?”
This was followed by encouraging others to support LGBTQ organizations such as Trans Lifeline, the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and PFLAG, which is geared specifically toward parents and families.
You know what they say … not all heroes wear capes. But they do all fight for humanity in their own way. Carter might have retired her magical tiara, but she’s still a queen.