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Education

Lessons we should have learned from the liberation of Auschwitz and other Nazi camps

It's been more than 75 years since the last prisoners were freed from Auschwitz. The farther we get from that chapter, the more important it is to focus on the lessons it taught us, lest we ignore the signs of history repeating itself.

Lessons we should have learned from the liberation of Auschwitz and other Nazi camps

From 1940 to 1945, an estimated 1.3 million people were deported to Auschwitz, the largest complex of Nazi concentration camps. More than four out of five of those people—at least 1.1 million people—were murdered there.

On January 27, 1945, Soviet forces liberated the final prisoners from these camps—7,000 people, most of whom were sick or dying. Those of us with a decent public education are familiar with at least a few names of Nazi extermination facilities—Auschwitz, Dachau, Bergen-Belsen—but these are merely a few of the thousands (yes, thousands) of concentration camps, sub camps, and ghettos spread across Europe where Jews and other targets of Hitler's regime were persecuted, tortured, and killed by the millions.


The scale of the atrocity is unfathomable. Like slavery, the Holocaust is a piece of history where the more you learn the more horrifying it becomes. The inhumane depravity of the perpetrators and the gut-wrenching suffering of the victims defies description. It almost becomes too much for the mind and heart to take in, but it's vital that we push through that resistance.

The liberation of the Nazi camps marked the end of Hitler's attempt at ethnic cleansing, and the beginning of humanity's awareness about how such a heinous chapter in human history took place. The farther we get from that chapter, the more important it is to focus on the lessons it taught us, lest we ignore the signs of history repeating itself.

Lesson 1: Unspeakable evil can be institutionalized on a massive scale

Perhaps the most jarring thing about the Holocaust is how systematized it was. We're not talking about humans slaying other humans in a fit of rage or a small number of twisted individuals torturing people in a basement someplace—this was a structured, calculated, disciplined, and meticulously planned and carried out effort to exterminate masses of people. The Nazi regime built a well-oiled killing machine the size of half a continent, and it worked exactly as intended. We often cite the number of people killed, but the number of people who partook in the systematic torture and destruction of millions of people is just as harrowing.

It has now come out that Allied forces knew about the mass killing of Jews as early as 1942—three years before the end of the war. And obviously, there were reports from individuals of what was happening from the very beginning. People often ask why more wasn't done earlier on if people knew, and there are undoubtedly political reasons for that. But we also have the benefit of hindsight in asking that question. I can imagine most people simply disbelieving what was actually taking place because it sounds so utterly unbelievable.

The lesson here is that we have to question our tendency to disbelieve things that sound too horrible to be true. We have evidence that the worst things imaginable on a scale that seems unfathomable are totally plausible.

Lesson 2: Atrocity can happen right under our noses as we go about our daily lives

One thing that struck me as I was reading about the liberation of Auschwitz is that it was a mere 37 miles from Krakow, one of the largest cities in Poland. This camp where an average of 500 people a day were killed, where bodies were piled up like corded wood, where men, women, and children were herded into gas chambers—and it was not that far from a major population center.

And that was just one set of camps. We now know that there were thousands of locations where the Nazis carried out their "final solution," and it's not like they always did it way out in the middle of nowhere. A New York Times report on how many more camps there were than scholars originally thought describes what was happening to Jews and marginalized people as the average person went about their daily lives:

"The documented camps include not only 'killing centers' but also thousands of forced labor camps, where prisoners manufactured war supplies; prisoner-of-war camps; sites euphemistically named 'care' centers, where pregnant women were forced to have abortions or their babies were killed after birth; and brothels, where women were coerced into having sex with German military personnel."

Whether or not the average person knew the full extent of what was happening is unclear. But surely there were reports. And we know how the average person responds to reports, even today in our own country.

How many news stories have we seen of abuses and inhumane conditions inside U.S. immigrant detention camps? What is our reaction when the United Nations human rights chief visits our detention facilities and comes away "appalled"? It's a natural tendency to assume things simply can't be that bad—that's undoubtedly what millions of Germans thought as well when stories leaked through the propaganda.

Lesson 3: Propaganda works incredibly well

Propaganda has always been a part of governance, as leaders try to sway the general populace to support whatever they are doing. But the Nazis perfected the art and science of propaganda, shamelessly playing on people's prejudices and fears and flooding the public with mountains of it.

Hermann Goering, one of Hitler's top political and military figures, explained in an interview late in his life that such manipulation of the masses isn't even that hard.

"The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders," he said. "That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

Terrifyingly true, isn't it? This is why we have to stay vigilant in the face of fear-mongering rhetoric coming from our leaders. When an entire religion or nationality or ethnic group is painted as "dangerous" or "criminal" or "terrorists," we have to recognize that we are being exposed to the same propaganda used to convince Germans that the Nazis were just trying to protect them. Safety and security are powerful human desires that make it easy to justify horrible acts.

Hitler was also great at playing the victim. While marching through Europe, conquering countries and rounding up millions of innocent people to exterminate, he claimed that Germany was the one under attack. Blatant anti-Semitic rhetoric surely fired up Hitler's core supporters, but the message to the average German was that this was all being done in the name of protecting the homeland, rather than a quest for a world-dominating master race.

Lesson 4: Most of us are in greater danger of committing a holocaust than being a victim of one

I had to pause when this realization hit me one day. As fairly average white American, I am in the majority in my country. And as strange as it is to say, that means I have more in common with the Germans who either committed heinous acts or capitulated to the Nazis than I do with the Jews and other targets of the Nazi party. That isn't to say that I would easily go along with mass genocide, but who's to say that I could fully resist the combination of systematic dehumanization, propaganda, and terrorism that led to the Holocaust? We all like to think we'd be the brave heroes hiding the Anne Franks of the world in our secret cupboards, but the truth is we don't really know what we would have done.

Check out what this Army Captain who helped liberate a Nazi camp said about his bafflement at what the Germans, "a cultured people" allowed to happen:

"I had studied German literature while an undergraduate at Harvard College. I knew about the culture of the German people and I could not, could not really believe that this was happening in this day and age; that in the twentieth century a cultured people like the Germans would undertake something like this. It was just beyond our imagination... Captain (Dr.) Philip Leif - 3rd Auxiliary Surgical Group, First Army

Some say that we can gauge what we would have done by examining what we're doing right now, and perhaps they are right. Are we speaking out against our government's cruel family separations that traumatize innocent children? Do we justify travel bans from entire countries because we trust that it's simply our leadership trying to keep us safe? Do we buy into the "Muslims are terrorists" and "undocumented immigrants are criminals" rhetoric?

While it's wise to be wary of comparing current events to the Holocaust, it's also wise to recognize that the Holocaust didn't start with gas chambers. It started with "othering," scapegoating, and fear-mongering. We have to be watchful not only for signs of atrocity, but for the signs leading up to it.

Lesson 5: Teaching full and accurate history matters

There are people who deny that the Holocaust even happened, which is mind-boggling. But there are far more people who are ignorant to the true horrors of it. Reading first-hand accounts of both the people who survived the camps and those who liberated them is perhaps the best way to begin to grasp the scope of what happened.

One small example is Supreme Allied Commander Dwight D. Eisenhower's attempt to describe what he saw when he visited Ohrdruf, a sub-camp of Buchenwald:

"The things I saw beggar description. While I was touring the camp I encountered three men who had been inmates and by one ruse or another had made their escape. I interviewed them through an interpreter. The visual evidence and the verbal testimony of starvation, cruelty and bestiality were so overpowering as to leave me a bit sick. In one room, where they were piled up twenty or thirty naked men, killed by starvation, George Patton would not even enter. He said that he would get sick if he did so. I made the visit deliberately, in order to be in a position to give first-hand evidence of these things if ever, in the future, there develops a tendency to charge these allegations merely to 'propaganda.'"

And of course, the most important narratives to read and try to digest are the accounts of those who survived the camps. Today, 200 survivors of Auschwitz gathered to commemorate the 75th anniversary of its liberation. They warned about the rise in anti-Semitism in the world and how we must not let prejudice and hatred fester. Imagine having to make such a warning seven decades after watching family and friends being slaughtered in front of you.

Let's use this anniversary as an opportunity to dive deeper into what circumstances and environment enabled millions of people to be killed by one country's leadership. Let's learn the lessons the Holocaust has to teach us about human nature and our place in the creation of history. And let's make darn sure we do everything in our power to fend off the forces that threaten to lead us down a similarly perilous path.


This article originally appeared on 01.27.20

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

Community

Tim Tebow's Night to Shine event celebrated over 100,000 people with special needs

"Lord willing, we won’t stop until every person with special needs knows their worth," Tebow tells Upworthy.

The Tebow Group

Tim Tebow poses with Night to Shine attendee in Thailand.

The red carpets were rolled out around the world last Friday, February 7th, for a very special celebration of over 100,000 people with special needs at the Tim Tebow Foundation's 11th Annual Night to Shine event. Former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow founded Night to Shine in 2015 to center on celebrating, honoring and valuing people with special needs.

Held on one night, always the Friday before Valentine's Day, his Tim Tebow Foundation partners with local churches, providing support and resources to host a cost-free prom honoring individuals living with disability in their local communities. Anyone ages 14 and older is welcome to attend, where attendees enjoy a fun-packed evening that includes: a red carpet with paparazzi, hair and makeup stations, shoeshines, limousine rides, karaoke, gifts, a catered dinner, a Sensory Room, a Respite Room for parents and caregivers, and loads of dancing.

At its founding, Night to Shine was held solely in the United States at 44 different locations. Now in its eleventh year, Night to Shine has grown to 821 host churches in all 50 states—and has continued to expand internationally. This year, 62 countries worldwide hosted Night to Shine celebrations. Tebow celebrated this year's Night to Shine in Thailand and Vietnam, while his wife Together with his wife, Demi-Leigh Tebow, celebrated in her home country of South Africa.

“It was so awesome seeing Night to Shine in new countries this year—and to have the honor of celebrating in Vietnam for the first time!" Tebow tells Upworthy.

red carpet, tim tebow, night to shineRed carpet at Tim Tebow Foundation's Night to Shine.Jensen Sutta

Night to Shine's international presence expanded to several new countries for the 2025 celebration, including:

"What an unforgettable night at Night to Shine in Cape Town!" Demi-Leigh Tebow tells Upworthy. "This event means so much to me for so many reasons. Some of you may know that my little sister, Franje, was born with special needs, and learning about Night to Shine back in 2018 was actually how I met Tim!"

Currently expecting the couple's first child, Demi-Leigh Tebow will be a mom at next year's celebration—something she's eagerly awaiting.

"Since then, I’ve been incredibly blessed to meet countless Kings and Queens from all over the world—each one so valuable and deeply loved by God. But getting to celebrate this night in my home country was incredibly special. My heart is so full and I’m already looking forward to doing it all again next year!” she says.

demi leigh tebow, tim tebow, night to shineDemi -Leigh Tebow at Night to Shine 2024 in South Africa.The Tebow Group

After a night full of partying, Night to Shine concludes with a 'crowning' of the Kings and Queens with crowns and tiaras to signify a declaration of worth and love. "We crown every Night to Shine honored guest the King or Queen because that's how God sees them," Tebow wrote in an Instagram video montage of this year's crowning's.

In another post, he added, "For many, it's the first they've ever felt truly celebrated, especially by someone outside their family. But that's exactly why Night to Shine exists--to remind them that they are God's beloved royalty, seen and cherished by Him every single day."

Tebow's goal is to have Night to Shine in every country. Next year, Night to Shine will be held on Feb. 13, 2026. If you are interest in hosting a Night to Shine event in 2026, you can find more information here.

"Lord willing, we won’t stop until every person with special needs knows their worth—until the abandoned are embraced, the forgotten are celebrated, the overlooked are seen, and all people experience the radical love of Jesus," Tebow tells Upworthy.

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

Parenting

3 things I learned from my kid's ADHD therapy that every parent needs to know

Parent Child Interaction Therapy was the ultimate crash course in parenting a stubborn child.

Unsplash and Evan Porter/Upworthy

Learning more means doing better for everyone.

We knew our now 4-year-old daughter was different very early on in her life. On her first birthday, she had another 1-year-old friend over to play in the backyard (it was COVID times, so there was no big party with all of her daycare friends). The boy, a neighbor of ours, sat and played in the baby pool for a solid hour without moving or making much of a peep. Our daughter, meanwhile, stripped off her swim diaper and spent the entire afternoon wandering around the yard, rolling in grass, swinging sticks around, and generally making mayhem. Making mayhem pretty much became her norm for the next few years. She slept poorly, had multiple meltdowns every day, and was so defiant my wife and I were left completely exasperated and in tears most days.

It wasn’t too long before we started to look into parenting coaching to get a grip on her behavior and regain some sense of normalcy in our lives. The stuff that had worked with our older daughter had been a colossal failure thus far. I loved our parenting coach and her ideas. Talking to her was almost like therapy for us. But her techniques didn’t work either. Then we tried Occupational Therapy. Our daughter loved going because she got to climb around on obstacle courses and play fun games that were meant to work on her vestibular system and help her feel more calm and grounded, but we never saw much of a difference in her.

gif of a a tired man falling to the floorWe were exhausted.Giphy

Finally, we took the plunge and did a full-scale psychiatric evaluation, and the results showed that she had ADHD. It confirmed what we pretty much already knew. We thought we’d be going down the medication road sooner than later, but our doctor actually recommended a specific kind of therapy. It was called PCIT.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy promised to ‘train’ us on how to better interact with our daughter. Great, more parenting coaching, we thought. Another person to tell us that we need to be more consistent, apply more discipline, and yadda yadda yadda. But we didn’t have any other options, so we gave it a try.

In short, and to our complete surprise, PCIT has been a life-changer. When it was described to us as coaching or training, they really weren’t kidding. We spent several sessions in the office with our daughter while literally being observed with a camera and fed lines through a headset! As of this writing, we’ve been practicing the techniques for several months and we’ve seen a big difference. At so many points throughout the therapy, my wife and I agreed that all parents with stubborn kids should go through this program.

Here are just a few of the things we learned that helped us immediately in our daily life with a super defiant, too-smart-for-her-own-good, highly dysregulated kiddo.

1. The magic of 'Special Time'

boy playing with  blocks on white wooden table Photo by Ryan Fields on Unsplash

Our first task in PCIT was to have more positive interactions with our daughter. We spent so much of our time telling her, "No," reprimanding her, arguing, bargaining, negotiating, and punishing that it was making it really hard to take any joy in being her parent.

So, our therapist introduced us to a concept called Special Time. For just five minutes every day, we were instructed to give our daughter our undivided attention and fill her with as much positive energy as possible. There were extremely specific ways that we did this, and, in fact, we even practiced and were measured in the therapy setting on how well we implemented all the techniques! But during Special Time, we play with our daughter one-on-one and let her lead the interaction. Our job is to play along. Meanwhile, we shower her with praise (“Wow, I love how nicely you’re sharing the toys with me!”), touch or speak to her affectionately (“I’m having so much fun playing with you”), imitate the way she played and even echo things she said back to her to let her know she was being heard and listened to. Doing Special Time made a huge difference, almost immediately, in reducing her negative attention seeking behaviors.

And we always feel good at the end of it, which helps offset the stress and frustration of our many conflicts. If you’ve got a kid that sometimes acts out for attention, pre-emptively giving them lots and lots of positive attention might help.

2. The Time Out flow chart

I think a lot of parents can relate when I say that, for years, we found implementing punishments with our daughter to be a disaster most of the time. With a stubborn and dysregulated kid, doing things like taking a toy away or doing 'No Dessert' would almost always cause an explosion, and/or end up hurting us more than it hurt her.

A lot of parenting experts have their own approach to Time Out, but not many of them are clinically validated like the one used in PCIT. When we learned how to do Time Out properly, Time Out became the primary 'punishment' we use. When she doesn't do what we clearly ask her to do, or she breaks a House Rule (like 'No Hitting'), she goes into Time Out. Once she's ready to do the thing we asked, she can come out of Time Out and the conflict is over. She can go right back to playing or having dessert. It’s so much simpler.

Although, when I first saw the flow chart for how Time Out worked, it looked like anything but simple.

a flow chart about how to handle Time Out in PCITIt looks complicated at first, but it's actually simpler and more effective than we thought.Evan Porter/Upworthy

Seeing this flow chart at first was incredibly overwhelming! But with a little practice, it made sense. The first couple times using the Time Out sequence at home were a little rough, but after a little while of being consistent with it, just the threat of it is usually enough to get our daughter back on the right track.

Even if you don't follow the brain-dizzying flow chart above, I think all parents could benefit from learning a consistent Time Out sequence that ends with your child complying every single time without fail. It's tough! Sometimes it takes a while and you have to be a little stubborn yourself in order to see it all the way through to the end, but the investment is worth it.

3. Active Ignoring

This one is a little controversial in some circles but we found it to be an excellent tool to have in our toolbox. Our therapist even told us that if she could teach her patients just one thing, it would be how and when to use Active Ignoring or Selective Attention.

A handout from UC Davis describes this technique as: "We use Selective Attention to deal with behaviors that are minor, irritating, and inappropriate. Ignoring these behaviors is an active way to correct them! You will strategically use the technique to stop specific behaviors," like whining, sulking, screaming, being clingy, lying, and more. The idea is that these behaviors are attention-seeking so any kind of attention only fans the flames and rewards them.

gif of a woman trying to get a man's attentionSometimes being unbothered works.Giphy

When our daughter is fussy, irritated, and whiny, we first try to help her regulate. One of the best ways we learned to do this (again, through PCIT!) is with leading by example. We used to bombard her with calming options. “Want to color? Want a snack? Oh, let’s walk outside! How about a drink of water? What if we put on some music?” And of course she would just say No, No, No!!!! And then we’d wonder why we could never get her to calm down by coloring. It turns out that sometimes what works way better, and is less overwhelming for her, is if we just calmly get out all the supplies and start coloring ourselves. She’ll almost always join in when she’s ready.

But if we just can't shake the grumpiness and whining and tantrums, we'll turn to Active Ignoring. This approach has two big benefits. Number one, it stops the conflict from escalating further. We used to get into these cycles where everything we would try to say or do would just make the tantrums worse to the point they became full-blown nuclear explosions. By just walking away, we were able to nip a lot of those in the bud. Number two, ignoring helps keep us calm. Yes, parents are human beings that get frustrated and angry and upset, too! And when those emotions start to pile up, it makes everything worse. Having the freedom to just turn away or walk away or stop talking has done wonders for our mental health.

Sometimes, some of the techniques we've learned in therapy feel "mean." We're not able to be as flexible and gentle sometimes as we'd like to do, but that's because flexible and gentle is not what our daughter needs most of the time. She needs us to be strong and consistent. That makes us reliable and safe, and it helps keep her regulated. The techniques taught in PCIT won't be right for every kid or every family, but it was right for us.

I was as skeptical going into all of this as anyone, but going through the therapy has allowed us to enjoy being her parents so much more. She's the sweetest kid and one of the funniest people on the planet. She brings so much fun and laughter to our lives, and it's been absolutely amazing to spend less time butting heads with her and more time soaking in her incredible energy.

Image credit: Cinema Therapy/YouTube

Mother Gothel's gaslighting of Rapunzel badly messed with her head.

If you've never been a victim of serious gaslighting, count yourself fortunate. Few experiences are as confusing and disturbing as a narcissist making you doubt your reality, question your judgment, and believe you can't trust your own mind. Gaslighting messes with you psychologically, making you feel more and more dependent on the gaslighter, but all the while what they're doing is giving you their own version of reality.

For a perfect example of what gaslighting looks like, look no further than Mother Gothel, Rapunzel's mom (but not really) in "Tangled." In a popular episode of Cinema Therapy, licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright give examples of how Gothel gaslights Rapunzel throughout the film. Going through a list of 11 red flags of gaslighting from psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis from psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, they explain how Mother Gothel hits the mark on each one.

Gothel may be an extreme case, but seeing examples from a well-known character helps us to see how these tactics might play out in a relationship in real life. "Her whole strategy is to get Rapunzel to question her own sanity, her own reason, her own judgment," says Decker, and that's exactly what gaslighting does to victims.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Here are 11 tactics gaslighters use and how Mother Gothel exemplifies them.

1. Telling blatant lies.

From the get go, we see Mother Gothel telling Rapunzel things that are just objectively not true. For example, she greatly exaggerates the dangers of the outside world in the song "Mother Knows Best."

"Mother Gothel is constantly lying to Rapunzel, telling her she's worthless, telling her she can't do things, belittling her, making her feel like less than, like she won't be able to survive outside," says Seawright.

2. Denying that they lie, even if you have proof.

Gothel tells Rapunzel that she'll be able to leave the tower once she's old enough, smart enough, mature enough, but every time Rapunzel tries to bring it up, she puts her off. Ultimately, though, Gothel pronounces, "You are not leaving this tower, ever!" And Rapunzel isn't allowed to argue.

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

"They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits," writes Sarkis." They attack the very foundation of your being." Decker demonstrates how in "Mother Knows Best" Mother Gothel decimates Rapunzel's looks, intelligence, character—basically everything about her. Look how she describes Rapunzel in the song: "Sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy…gullible, naive, positively grubby, ditzy and a bit vague…plus, I believe, gettin' kind of chubby."

4. They wear you down over time.

Rapunzel has spent her entire life in a tower with no one to talk to but Mother Gothel, being fed nothing but Gothel's version of reality. "So no wonder when she actually leaves the tower she goes a little bonkers and questions her own sanity, her own reason, her own judgment," says Decker.

5. Their actions don't match their words.

Mother Gothel regularly tells Rapunzel that she loves her the most. "But what she actually means is 'I love controlling you the most,'" says Seawright. "She won't let her be reunited with her real family, and she keeps her from experiencing real love."

6. They use positive reinforcement to confuse you.

Few people would stay with a person who mistreated them all the time, so gaslighters mix it up with praise and love bombs. "The very person who is attacking you, just ripping into your identity, is now the person who's praising you, building you up. And it's confusing as heck." Mother Gothel will butter up and praise Rapunzel when it serves her, and then turn around and berate her.

7. They know that confusion weakens people.

"Our natural tendency is to try to find a person that makes us feel the most stable," says Seawright. "And in this case when it's the gaslighter, you're pretty much out of luck." He uses the example of when Rapunzel wants to go see the lanterns, not knowing what they are, and Mother Gothel says she's just talking about the stars. That and the "Mother Knows Best" song are meant to confuse and make her feel like she can't trust her own judgment so that she remains completely reliant upon Gothel.

8. They project.

Seawright points out that when she's denigrating Rapunzel in "Mother Knows Best," it's actually concerns about herself that she's just projecting onto Rapunzel. Gaslighters will often accuse you of things they are doing, which makes you feel like you need to defend yourself even if you didn't do anything wrong.

9. They try to turn people against you.

Mother Gothel didn't have direct access to Flynn Rider, so she couldn't really try to turn him against Rapunzel. Instead, she sweet-talked and convinced the Stabbington Brothers to help her with her diabolical plan to get Rapunzel back into her grip. She may not have gotten to Flynn, but she made Rapunzel believe that he had turned against her, which is good enough.

10. They paint you or others as crazy.

Sarkis calls this a gaslighter's "master technique." If they can get you to question your own sanity, it's less likely that others will believe you. Mother Gothel is constantly telling Rapunzel that she can't trust her own mind. ("Rapunzel, that's demented," she says dismissively when Rapunzel thinks Flynn likes her, which he does.)

11. They say everyone else is lying.

A gaslighter will tell you that people are talking about you or show you a text taken out of context to make it appear that other people can't be trusted and make you believe that no one is on your side but them. "They tell you, 'everyone else is a liar,'" says Seawright. "It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the correct information, which of course, isn’t correct information at all."

Thankfully, Rapunzel starts to figure out what Mother Gothel is doing when she makes it seem like Flynn has betrayed her.

Unfortunately, recovering from an entire childhood of narcissist gaslighting takes more time than the end of a Disney film to recover from, but such is the limitation of a children's film. Decker concludes the episode by sharing tips for dealing with gaslighting in real life, though—definitely worth checking out.

Find more analysis of movies, characters, and mental health on the Cinema Therapy channel on YouTube.