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Lessons we should have learned from the liberation of Auschwitz and other Nazi camps

It's been more than 75 years since the last prisoners were freed from Auschwitz. The farther we get from that chapter, the more important it is to focus on the lessons it taught us, lest we ignore the signs of history repeating itself.

Lessons we should have learned from the liberation of Auschwitz and other Nazi camps

From 1940 to 1945, an estimated 1.3 million people were deported to Auschwitz, the largest complex of Nazi concentration camps. More than four out of five of those people—at least 1.1 million people—were murdered there.

On January 27, 1945, Soviet forces liberated the final prisoners from these camps—7,000 people, most of whom were sick or dying. Those of us with a decent public education are familiar with at least a few names of Nazi extermination facilities—Auschwitz, Dachau, Bergen-Belsen—but these are merely a few of the thousands (yes, thousands) of concentration camps, sub camps, and ghettos spread across Europe where Jews and other targets of Hitler's regime were persecuted, tortured, and killed by the millions.


The scale of the atrocity is unfathomable. Like slavery, the Holocaust is a piece of history where the more you learn the more horrifying it becomes. The inhumane depravity of the perpetrators and the gut-wrenching suffering of the victims defies description. It almost becomes too much for the mind and heart to take in, but it's vital that we push through that resistance.

The liberation of the Nazi camps marked the end of Hitler's attempt at ethnic cleansing, and the beginning of humanity's awareness about how such a heinous chapter in human history took place. The farther we get from that chapter, the more important it is to focus on the lessons it taught us, lest we ignore the signs of history repeating itself.

Lesson 1: Unspeakable evil can be institutionalized on a massive scale

Perhaps the most jarring thing about the Holocaust is how systematized it was. We're not talking about humans slaying other humans in a fit of rage or a small number of twisted individuals torturing people in a basement someplace—this was a structured, calculated, disciplined, and meticulously planned and carried out effort to exterminate masses of people. The Nazi regime built a well-oiled killing machine the size of half a continent, and it worked exactly as intended. We often cite the number of people killed, but the number of people who partook in the systematic torture and destruction of millions of people is just as harrowing.

It has now come out that Allied forces knew about the mass killing of Jews as early as 1942—three years before the end of the war. And obviously, there were reports from individuals of what was happening from the very beginning. People often ask why more wasn't done earlier on if people knew, and there are undoubtedly political reasons for that. But we also have the benefit of hindsight in asking that question. I can imagine most people simply disbelieving what was actually taking place because it sounds so utterly unbelievable.

The lesson here is that we have to question our tendency to disbelieve things that sound too horrible to be true. We have evidence that the worst things imaginable on a scale that seems unfathomable are totally plausible.

Lesson 2: Atrocity can happen right under our noses as we go about our daily lives

One thing that struck me as I was reading about the liberation of Auschwitz is that it was a mere 37 miles from Krakow, one of the largest cities in Poland. This camp where an average of 500 people a day were killed, where bodies were piled up like corded wood, where men, women, and children were herded into gas chambers—and it was not that far from a major population center.

And that was just one set of camps. We now know that there were thousands of locations where the Nazis carried out their "final solution," and it's not like they always did it way out in the middle of nowhere. A New York Times report on how many more camps there were than scholars originally thought describes what was happening to Jews and marginalized people as the average person went about their daily lives:

"The documented camps include not only 'killing centers' but also thousands of forced labor camps, where prisoners manufactured war supplies; prisoner-of-war camps; sites euphemistically named 'care' centers, where pregnant women were forced to have abortions or their babies were killed after birth; and brothels, where women were coerced into having sex with German military personnel."

Whether or not the average person knew the full extent of what was happening is unclear. But surely there were reports. And we know how the average person responds to reports, even today in our own country.

How many news stories have we seen of abuses and inhumane conditions inside U.S. immigrant detention camps? What is our reaction when the United Nations human rights chief visits our detention facilities and comes away "appalled"? It's a natural tendency to assume things simply can't be that bad—that's undoubtedly what millions of Germans thought as well when stories leaked through the propaganda.

Lesson 3: Propaganda works incredibly well

Propaganda has always been a part of governance, as leaders try to sway the general populace to support whatever they are doing. But the Nazis perfected the art and science of propaganda, shamelessly playing on people's prejudices and fears and flooding the public with mountains of it.

Hermann Goering, one of Hitler's top political and military figures, explained in an interview late in his life that such manipulation of the masses isn't even that hard.

"The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders," he said. "That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

Terrifyingly true, isn't it? This is why we have to stay vigilant in the face of fear-mongering rhetoric coming from our leaders. When an entire religion or nationality or ethnic group is painted as "dangerous" or "criminal" or "terrorists," we have to recognize that we are being exposed to the same propaganda used to convince Germans that the Nazis were just trying to protect them. Safety and security are powerful human desires that make it easy to justify horrible acts.

Hitler was also great at playing the victim. While marching through Europe, conquering countries and rounding up millions of innocent people to exterminate, he claimed that Germany was the one under attack. Blatant anti-Semitic rhetoric surely fired up Hitler's core supporters, but the message to the average German was that this was all being done in the name of protecting the homeland, rather than a quest for a world-dominating master race.

Lesson 4: Most of us are in greater danger of committing a holocaust than being a victim of one

I had to pause when this realization hit me one day. As fairly average white American, I am in the majority in my country. And as strange as it is to say, that means I have more in common with the Germans who either committed heinous acts or capitulated to the Nazis than I do with the Jews and other targets of the Nazi party. That isn't to say that I would easily go along with mass genocide, but who's to say that I could fully resist the combination of systematic dehumanization, propaganda, and terrorism that led to the Holocaust? We all like to think we'd be the brave heroes hiding the Anne Franks of the world in our secret cupboards, but the truth is we don't really know what we would have done.

Check out what this Army Captain who helped liberate a Nazi camp said about his bafflement at what the Germans, "a cultured people" allowed to happen:

"I had studied German literature while an undergraduate at Harvard College. I knew about the culture of the German people and I could not, could not really believe that this was happening in this day and age; that in the twentieth century a cultured people like the Germans would undertake something like this. It was just beyond our imagination... Captain (Dr.) Philip Leif - 3rd Auxiliary Surgical Group, First Army

Some say that we can gauge what we would have done by examining what we're doing right now, and perhaps they are right. Are we speaking out against our government's cruel family separations that traumatize innocent children? Do we justify travel bans from entire countries because we trust that it's simply our leadership trying to keep us safe? Do we buy into the "Muslims are terrorists" and "undocumented immigrants are criminals" rhetoric?

While it's wise to be wary of comparing current events to the Holocaust, it's also wise to recognize that the Holocaust didn't start with gas chambers. It started with "othering," scapegoating, and fear-mongering. We have to be watchful not only for signs of atrocity, but for the signs leading up to it.

Lesson 5: Teaching full and accurate history matters

There are people who deny that the Holocaust even happened, which is mind-boggling. But there are far more people who are ignorant to the true horrors of it. Reading first-hand accounts of both the people who survived the camps and those who liberated them is perhaps the best way to begin to grasp the scope of what happened.

One small example is Supreme Allied Commander Dwight D. Eisenhower's attempt to describe what he saw when he visited Ohrdruf, a sub-camp of Buchenwald:

"The things I saw beggar description. While I was touring the camp I encountered three men who had been inmates and by one ruse or another had made their escape. I interviewed them through an interpreter. The visual evidence and the verbal testimony of starvation, cruelty and bestiality were so overpowering as to leave me a bit sick. In one room, where they were piled up twenty or thirty naked men, killed by starvation, George Patton would not even enter. He said that he would get sick if he did so. I made the visit deliberately, in order to be in a position to give first-hand evidence of these things if ever, in the future, there develops a tendency to charge these allegations merely to 'propaganda.'"

And of course, the most important narratives to read and try to digest are the accounts of those who survived the camps. Today, 200 survivors of Auschwitz gathered to commemorate the 75th anniversary of its liberation. They warned about the rise in anti-Semitism in the world and how we must not let prejudice and hatred fester. Imagine having to make such a warning seven decades after watching family and friends being slaughtered in front of you.

Let's use this anniversary as an opportunity to dive deeper into what circumstances and environment enabled millions of people to be killed by one country's leadership. Let's learn the lessons the Holocaust has to teach us about human nature and our place in the creation of history. And let's make darn sure we do everything in our power to fend off the forces that threaten to lead us down a similarly perilous path.


This article originally appeared on 01.27.20

black lab, dog walker, dog walker near me, dog walker ap, neighbors, good news, pets, feel good news

black lab (left. Handwritten letter (right)

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.


"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.

"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)

"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie.

"Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed since this story first warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still living her best life. Recently, she even made it to the doggie wall of fame at her local coffee shop.

In the years since this story first went viral, pet-sharing and neighbor dog borrowing have actually become more common, especially in cities where landlords restrict pets. Several platforms (like BorrowMyDoggy) and community groups now exist to pair dog owners with trusted neighbors who want occasional playtime, walks, or dog-sitting without having to own a pet. It’s a small but growing trend that reflects how deeply animal companionship is needed—even for people who can’t adopt a dog full-time. In many apartment buildings, these kinds of informal arrangements help reduce loneliness, build community, and give non-owners the emotional benefits of living with pets.

Just goes to show the power of a dog's love…even if that dog isn't your own.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

joe walsh, joe walsh auction, the troubador, west hollywood california, joe walsh guitar, the eagles guitar,
via Tod Perry

Joe Walsh on stage at The Troubadour in West Hollywood, California

Life’s been good to Joe Walsh, 78, as he famously sang on his 1978 monster hit. However, there comes a time to let go of all the mementos, cool clothes, and musical instruments he’s accumulated over 50-plus years in the spotlight so that someone else can enjoy them. “People should have this stuff, either to hang on their wall or play. Because they're good for both things, just play it if you don't have any walls,” he joked at a December 8th event at The Troubadour in West Hollywood, announcing his upcoming Life’s Been Good auction.

On December 16th and 17th, Walsh will auction over 800 of his personal items at The Troubadour to benefit VetsAid, a charity he founded in 2017 to support those who have sacrificed for the country. Among the items are his 2013 McLaren MP4-12C Spider, iconic stage-worn wardrobe pieces, such as the famous brick suit he wore at The Eagles Rock ‘n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, and over 400 musical instruments.


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“I wanted people to have a chance to get a guitar or get something of mine that they may think is valuable. So, it's my way of giving back. And this will help veterans, as a portion of the proceeds from the auction will go to VetsAid," Walsh said before adding, with his trademark humor, "And now I will have more room in my warehouse so I can go get more stuff!”

Walsh told Upworthy that the hardest item to let go of is his 1966 Framus Strato Gold De Luxe 12-string electric guitar that he used heavily on his 1972 Barnstorm album. “It’s because of the sentimental value, and that was a very creative period of my life, and some great songs came out of it,” he told Upworthy. “I played it a couple times and said, ‘Man, I should keep this forever, and then it goes back into storage, and I don't see it till I happen upon it the next time.’ So, it's time for somebody else to have.”

joe walsh guitar, 12-string guitar, strato gold de luxe, vintage guitar, A 1966 Framus Strato Gold De Luxe 12-string electric guitar.via Julien's Auctions (used with permission)

One of the most unusual items on the auction block is Walsh’s ham radio. He was introduced to the World War II-era technology as a boy in New York, and it became a lifelong passion. “That saved me from a horrible, stagnant summer, and I learned Morse code by myself, took the exam, and got a license,” Walsh shared at The Troubadour. “This is the same model that I got, and I talked to 32 states in about four months. That's all I did, was talk on Morse code to people."

ham radio, joe walsh's radio, hammerlund radio, amatuer radio, short wave receiver A Hammarlund HQ-One Forty Five model 145C Ham radio shortwave receiver.via Julien's Auctions (used with permission)

Walsh’s passion for helping veterans is very personal to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer. His father, Lt. Robert Newton Fidler, was a flight instructor for the first US operational jet-powered aircraft, the Lockheed F-80 Shooting Star, and died in a mid-air collision over Okinawa in 1949 while on active duty. Walsh was just 20 months old at the time. Since its founding eight years ago, VetsAID has awarded over $4 million in grants to veteran organizations. On November 15, Walsh assembled a group of musicians, including Nathaniel Rateliff, Susan Tedeschi, Derek Trucks, Vince Gill, Ryan Bingham, and the Texas Gentlemen, for a VetsAid benefit concert in Wichita, Kansas, which is available to stream at VEEPS.

“There's a special place for me with the Gold Star families because I am one. I know what that sadness is,” Walsh told Upworthy. “We didn't have the Gold Star terminology when I was growing up. It was just, 'Oh, you lost your father? That's too bad.’ So I am resonant with Gold Star families and the sacrifices our vets and their families make. I wanted to find a way to support them and started VetsAid.”

In addition to The Troubadour, The Life's Been Good: Joe Walsh auction is set to take place on December 16th and 17th online at Julien's Auctions.

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predators, forensics, crime, women, awareness
via Екатерина Шумских/Pexels, Vladimir Konoplev/Pexels and Teona Swift/Pexels

Three women walking down city streets.

A forensics student named Alexandria recently shared vital information on TikTok that all women should know. She detailed the specific signs male predators are looking for when they choose a victim.

Her video is based on a 2013 study entitled “Psychopathy and Victim Selection: The Use of Gait as a Cue to Vulnerability.” For the study, researchers interviewed violent criminals in prison and asked them the type of women they’d be most likely to victimize.


The study found that the criminals all agreed that how the woman walked was a deciding factor.

“What the selected women all had in common was the way that they walked and how they generally held themselves in public,” Alexandria says in the video she later deleted but has been shared broadly across the platform.

@_alf_90_

How to walk for your safety! #women #safety #tips #walking #kidnapping #murder #attacks #fyp

“The selected women all had a similar ‘awkwardness’ to the way that they walked and carried themselves,” she continued. “The first part of the woman had a gait that was a little bit too small for their body, which resulted in smaller steps, slower speed and their arms more typically to their sides, or crossed, as well as their heads being down and not really taking in their general surroundings, which indicated three different things to these potential attackers.”

The woman’s body language signaled to attackers that she was fearful and anxious and because her head was down, she'd be easier to surprise. Alex then described the second type of woman the criminals said they’d target.

“On the other hand, the other part of the women that were selected had a gait that seemed a bit too big for their body and their arms tended to flail to the sides and seemed just overly awkward,” Alexandria continued.

The woman with the bigger gait signaled to potential attackers that she may be clumsy and won’t put up a good fight. “Because their arms were out and flailing to the side, it left the lower body open to, again, come around and grab them,” she said.

women, walking, predators, crime, body language Women walking down a street.Image via Canva Photos.

The video was helpful because Alexandria also discussed the types of women the attackers wouldn’t pursue. Alex says these women “walked with a gait that tended to be more natural to their body.” She adds they moved at the same pace as those in the immediate area, with their shoulders back and chins up and asserting a general sense of confidence.

“Essentially, the women that were not selected gave off an energy that said, ‘Don’t mess with me. I will put up a good fight.’ And that’s why they weren’t selected,” Alex said. “I know that it sounds silly, but something as simple as the way you walk or the way that you carry yourself in public could determine the likelihood that you become a target of a predator.”

According to the Center for Violence Prevention and Self Defense Training, detecting vulnerability is the biggest factor in who predators choose to victimize. Confusion, isolation, appearing insecure, unaware, unassertive, or distracted all play a part in who predators target, but being aware of these factors can increase safety considerably. They also note that access plays a part in being targeted, stating that, "Attackers tend to target people positioned near entrances, exits, or secluded areas where they can quickly grab and escape without arousing suspicion."

woman, crime, predator, safety, awareness Woman aware of her surroundings in a parking garage. Image via Canva Photos.

Alexandria concluded her video by sharing an acronym that can help prevent women from being victimized while in public: STAAR.

S(tride): Walk with a natural stride to your body with steps that are not too far apart or short.

T(all): Stand tall. Keep your shoulders back and your chin up. Assert a natural confidence and dominance to those around you.

A(rms): Swing your arms naturally by your sides, avoiding keeping them too close to your body or flailing out of your natural range of motion.

A(wareness): Stay aware of your surroundings. Take notice if something feels or looks off.

R(elax): Stay cool, calm, and collected and don’t indicate to a potential attacker that you feel or see something is wrong.


This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

duvet, duvet insert, duvet cover, duvets, what is a duvet

Tips for how to clean and refresh your duvet, including the duvet insert and duvet cover.

Sleeping in a freshly washed and made better is nothing short of heaven. And if you sleep with a duvet, it can be hard to keep it feeling fresh.

A duvet "is the French word for down ( a layer of fine feathers that rests under the exterior feathers of geese and ducks), reflecting the traditional fill of this bedding item that originated in Europe", according to the Sleep Foundation. These days, a duvet is typically two parts: an insert (which can be filled with down, cotton or synthetic material) and a cover that the insert is placed into.


Over time, your duvet insert can also become lumpy and flat. Giving it a good cleaning and re-fluff can bring it back to life.

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How do you clean a duvet?

Washing your duvet regularly prevents allergen buildup and maintains the freshness of your bedding.

"For most families, a duvet should be washed at least annually; however, as a general rule, washes that occur every 3-4 months are recommended for those who use their duvet year round, have allergies or experience any stains/odors in their duvet," Isabella Flores, a Professional Organizer & Cleaning Expert at Sparkly Maid San Diego, tells Upworthy.

She explains that when choosing what type of duvet material to purchase, you will want to consider how often you plan on washing it.

"Duvets made from synthetic materials such as polyester/microfiber can be washed more frequently than those made from down/feather, as they do not lose their loft and retain their warmth with repeated washing," she adds.

And you should clean your duvet cover much more frequently.

"A duvet cover should be cleaned every week or so," Olivia Parks, Owner + Lead Organizer at Nola Organizers, tells Upworthy. "Even though the cover protects the insert, the insert still collects body odor, sweat, body oils from lotions or other body products, crumbs if you eat in your bed, dog hair or cat hair, and more."

duvet, duvet cover, what is a duvet cover, duvet bedding, bed with duvet A bed with a duvet cover.Photo credit: Canva

How often should a duvet be replaced?

Your duvet can last a long time, but it also depends on the material it's made out of.

"Quality down duvets last 15-20 years, while synthetic fills max out at 5-7 years before the fibers break down and lose loft permanently," Matt O'Connor, Co-founder and CEO at NoScrubs.com Laundry Delivery, tells Upworthy. "Material absolutely matters because down is a three-dimensional structure that rebounds, while polyester is essentially crimped plastic that eventually fatigues and compresses. Replace when you notice cold spots (filling has migrated), when the fabric starts showing wear on the corners, or when fluffing no longer restores volume overnight."

He adds that one way to tell if it's time to replace your duvet is to stick it in sunlight and look for dust puffing out when you pat it.

"That's fragmented fill material, not just dust, meaning the internal structure is degrading," says O'Connor. "Most people replace too early because they don't know maintenance tricks, but once you see structural breakdown, no amount of washing fixes it."

duvet, duvet insert, duvet cover, what is a duvet insert, what is a duvet cover A duvet with a duvet insert and cover.Photo credit: Canva

4 tips to refresh your duvet

Make your duvet cover feel brand new with these helpful tips:

Tip #1: Wash and dry it properly

It's important to wash your duvet on the right setting.

"To re-fluff and restore loft, wash your duvet on a gentle cycle in cold water with a small amount of mild detergent and dry on low heat," says Flores. "Adding 2-3 wool dryer balls or clean tennis balls to the dryer will assist in breaking down clumps and restoring loft, allowing your duvet to become plush once again. Make sure it dries completely to avoid developing mold and mildew."

Tip #2: Fluff and massage your duvet

There are a few proper ways to fluff and shape your duvet.

"Place your duvet flat on a bed/table and manually manipulate any lumps, separating and redistributing the filling by massaging with your hands," Flores explains. "For particularly stubborn areas, use a lightly pressed rolling pin covered in a towel and roll to help break apart and redistribute the filling. Manual fluffing can help restore an even distribution of the filling and improve the overall comfort of your duvet."

Tip #3: Stick it in the freezer

Another way to refresh your duvet is to put it in the freezer.

"Put your duvet in a large garbage bag, seal it, and freeze for 24 hours, then immediately bring it into a warm room and vigorously shake it while still cold," says O'Connor. "The temperature shock causes the fill fibers to contract then rapidly expand, breaking static bonds and clumping."

Tip #4: Give it some fresh air

Finally, prevent it from becoming musty with some exposure to fresh air.

"Hang your duvet outside during a breezy, dry day to allow the wind and sun to naturally dissipate remaining odors, restore the duvet's freshness and encourage the filling to regain its original loft," shares Flores. "If the weather prohibits hanging the duvet outdoors, hang it indoors near a window with an open window or turn on a fan to circulate air."

Parenting

Mom's warning about the impact of 'grumpy' dads on Christmas strikes a chord with other parents

"Kids will remember which parent made the holidays magical, which parent was complaining."

christmas, dads on christmas, invisible load, mental load, moms, motherhood, fatherhood

A family trying to enjoy Christmas dinner while dad is unamused.

There’s only so long that parents get to create holiday magic for their kids, and, historically, that burden has fallen mainly on only one parent’s shoulders. Many of us have memories of mom going out of her way to arrange decorations, gifts, outings, and Santa visits, while dad reluctantly went along with it all.

Paige Connell, aka @sheisapaigeturner on TikTok, who often shares opinions about invisible mental load, said she grew up with a dad like that. She still remembers how it felt to see her father so perturbed every December. In her TikTok video, Connell recalled that one Christmas morning, her dad received a package of golf balls her mom had bought him as a gift from the kids. Instead of showing any gratitude, her father turned to her mom and complained, “These are wrong.”


@sheisapaigeturner Kids will always remember which parent helped make the holidays magical. They also remember when someone steals that magic. ##holidaymagic##christmasgifts##christmaspictures##familytradition##happyholidays ♬ original sound - Paige

That unpleasant moment became a core Christmas memory for Connell, and she noted that, unfortunately, it’s a dynamic that’s still “normalized in society,” where men do family things “begrudgingly.”

“Like they’ll go to the pumpkin patch, but they’re probably gonna complain and seem like they’re not having fun. Or they’ll do the family photos for the Christmas card, but they’re not happy to be there, and they’re grouchier than the kids.”

However, as Connell demonstrated, this energy is something kids pick up on…and remember.

“Kids will remember which parent made the holidays magical, which parent was complaining, which parent didn’t want to be at the pumpkin patch,” she warned.

Down in the comments, folks shared their own not-so-cherished memories of grinchy or aloof dads.

“I will literally never forget the Christmas I found out that all the gifts I thought my dad was giving my mom were actually gifts she had bought herself so my brother and I wouldn’t know he didn’t get her anything,” one person wrote.

Another lamented, “ My parents divorced when I was 6, but I remember after every gift me and my sisters opened at Christmas, my dad would look at my mom and say ‘wowwww how much did that cost me?’”

@nativeamerican_tiktok “ The Moon and its magic spell”( Little Pine Cone ). I am a storyteller and I created this story for my daughter Luna🌜. Enjoy it and if you love my story, please share to support my art 🙏🏻💫 #storyteller #native #fyp #magic #moon #christmas #foryou ♬ suono originale - Chinook

A growing body of psychological research shows that persistent negative emotional tone in parenting (whether from one parent or both) can have lasting effects on kids. For example, one study found that parents with consistent verbal negativity tend to have children who deal with more emotional distress and have more trouble regulating emotions.

Even when negativity is expressed indirectly through frequent complaints, negative mood, or a general lack of emotional warmth, children may pick up on it as a loss of emotional safety.

Of course, the cultural script about fatherhood continues to change. More and more dads today take real pride in making holidays magical. Some plan elaborate light displays, wrap gifts, bake cookies, schedule festive outings, or help invent family traditions that kids cherish. Thankfully, these men recognize that joy is a shared responsibility, and they want to be remembered as a parent who showed up equally.

As the holidays get nearer, hopefully this can serve as a gentle reminder for those with little ones just how much it means to be an active participant in Christmas cheer…or not.

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