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Self-aware, diagnosed narcissist uses TikTok to share insider view of how narcissists function

Lee Hammock is on a mission to help people who have been victimized by people like himself.

Self-aware, diagnosed narcissist uses TikTok to share insider view of how narcissists function
@mentalhealness/TikTok

Lee Hammock explains narcissism to help validate victims of narcissistic abuse.

Anyone who has found themselves in a relationship with a narcissist knows how confusing, disorienting or downright terrifying it can be.

There are conflicting statistics on what percent of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but it ranges anywhere from 1% to 6%. The average American knows 600 people, which means we all know at least a small handful of pathological narcissists personally.

But it's people who are in close relationships with narcissists who bear the brunt of their pathology. Whether you were raised by a narcissistic parent or fell in love with a narcissist, it's likely you've been abused by someone to feed their narcissistic needs.

NPD can be particularly challenging to treat because most narcissists will nor or cannot admit that anything is wrong with them. Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that most narcissists are actually aware that they are narcissists, but rather than see it as a problem, they embrace it and take pride in it. (Of course.)

However, a self-aware narcissist can get help through psychotherapy, if they are willing to do it. Since most don't see the problem, many won't. But many or even most isn't all, and one man is on a mission to use his Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis for good.

Lee Hammock has been diagnosed with NPD and has been in psychotherapy for it since 2017. He calls himself a "self-aware" narcissist and uses social media—particularly TikTok—to share insider insights into a narcissist's brain. Hammock describes why he decided to share the ins and outs of his disorder:

"The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic abuse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone."

He explained how he ended up here:

@mentalhealness

Reply to @dubyuhbee hope this helps. I’m on a mission.

Hammock's videos speak for themselves. There are tons of them, and they give amazing insight into a narcissist's perspective from the point of view of a narcissist who actually works to understand and manage his own disorder. Here's a sampling:

@mentalhealness

Narcissists and toxic people move fast. Slow down and stop ignoring the red flags

@mentalhealness

Reply to @balushijam narcissist don’t want to see you happy with anyone else. They think they are the best you’re going to get #narcavengers

@mentalhealness

Narcissistic people would rather you leave than to work on any of their issues

@mentalhealness

Collab with @Nia Renee Narcissists like to play games with you in order to start arguments, throw you off or in order to play the hero. #narcavengers

@mentalhealness

Reply to @donna28c narcissist see any discussions about your feelings as criticism #narcavengers

@mentalhealness

Reply to @meowmeow2342 narcissist have limited emotional capacity and the people closest to us get treated the worst #narcissist #ITriedItIPrimedIt

@mentalhealness

Sometimes we are the issue. Therapy helps #npd #narcissism #narctok #narcs #narc #narcissist

@mentalhealness

It’s never a good time to finish a conversation or argument with a narcissist. Leaving things unfinished causes them buildup #ShowUsYourDrawers #narcs #npd

He even weighed in on the Kanye West situation, not diagnosing West with NPD, but explaining how his actions are right out of the narcissistic playbook.

@mentalhealness

I’m not saying he’s a narcissist, but if he isssssss Kayne is definitely taking things to a narcissistic obsessive level #kayne #kanyewest #kimkardashian

Hammock has been honest about the fact that that making and sharing these videos and getting likes on them actually feeds his narcissistic ego, but it's a healthy turning of the tables on the disorder.

And it really is serving a need. If you read through the comments on Hammock's videos, the most common response is recognition. So many people have interacted with narcissists and see those interactions in these videos, which is both validating and relieving. People who have been victims of narcissistic abuse are not alone, and Hammock helps them see that. He even helps people who might be narcissists themselves maybe—maybe—become more self-aware that their personality disorder is something that needs management.

You can find Hammock's videos on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube.


This article originally appeared on 3.23.22

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I convinced my Gen Z kids to watch 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions surprised me

Gen X and Gen Z apparently view "inspiring" very differently.

Rotten Tomatoes Classic Trailers/YouTube

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved movie from my youth that I didn't expect to be problematic, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpected negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.

The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They loved the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The traumatize part I get—that film gets very heavy all of a sudden. But in discussing it further, I uncovered three main generational differences that impacted their "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for it, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory.

But also to be fair, Gen X never got any such warnings—we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.

3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X overlooked

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could be seen as. My young Gen X lens saw him and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which was…interesting.

My Gen Z kids' reactions aren't wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as well—hopefully without them feeling traumatized by the experience.

This article originally appeared in January

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Heroes

Found security footage shows three-year-old boy saving his drowning friend just in time

He truly saved his friend's life.

via Poliana Console de Oliveira / Facebook

Security camera footage shows the young child rescuing his friend

In 2020 at a residence in Itaperuna, a city north of Rio de Janeiro, Henrique, a three-year-old child of a worker on the property, snuck away from his parents' supervision and wandered over to the pool. Security camera footage shows the young boy and fellow three-year-old, Arthur de Oliveira, sitting next to the pool when Henrique reaches for an inflatable floaty and falls into the water.

A frantic Arthur looks around for help, but there is no one to be found. For 10 seconds, Henqriue struggles to keep his head above water, until Arthur bravely extends his hand and pulls the boy up. If Arthur didn't have the strength, he could have fallen in the pool and both boys could have died.

Luckily, Arthur's strength held up and he pulled the boy to safety.

"This video serves as an alert for those who have a pool at home and children," wrote Arthur's mom, Poliana Console de Oliveira on her Facebook page.


"Thank God the ending is happy, because God sent the land under my care, my son, my little Arthur, a true hero! Real life hero, my pride."

"Arthur saved his friend's life," she added.

Arthur hopes to be a police officer one day, so after the local police department learned of his bravery, it sent him a new basketball and a whole lot of candy.

Well done, Arthur.


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Instacart delivery driver trusted her gut instinct and ended up saving a customer's life

"You're supposed to take a picture and leave, and I could not just leave."

@JessicaHiggs3/TikTok

Jessica Higgs had a sense that something wasn't right at a customer's house and her action saved his life.

One the more mysterious aspects of being human is our sense of intuition. This "sixth sense" isn't something we can see or measure, but many people have experienced it in some form or fashion. Maybe it comes as a strong feeling that something isn't right, or that we or someone else should or shouldn't do something. It can be hard to read—not every feeling we get is truly our intuition—but there are plenty of examples of people trusting their instincts and being glad they did.

One such story has gone viral on TikTok. Jessica Higgs, a mom who works as an Instacart grocery delivery person, shared a story in an emotional video that illustrates the importance of listening to that inner voice when it prompts you to make sure someone is OK.

"I just want to start this off by saying if you see something, say something," Higgs said.

Animated GIFGiphy

She explained how she had done an Instacart order the previous day for a daughter who was ordering for her older dad who couldn't shop for himself. She said she was going the extra mile like she always does for her customers, and that the daughter told her to just drop the groceries on the porch and he'd get them. That's what Higgs would usually do.

"I get there and something was telling me no, you gotta help this man out," she said. "He came out, and I was like OK let me help you, and I got the groceries. You're not supposed to go into someone's house, but I used my judgment and I brought the groceries inside and put them down wherever he wanted me to put them down. You're not supposed to, but I did. And you're supposed to just take a picture and leave, and I could not just leave."



@jessicahiggs3

@Instacart #28DaysOfEucerin #fyp



Higgs noticed that the man looked really sick and she was really concerned. A voice in her head said, "You gotta say something. You gotta say something, Jess." Rather than mark the order as complete, she messaged the man's daughter and told her that it was really unprofessional to say something like this, but she felt like her dad wasn't doing well. "There's a propane tank in there," she told the woman. "I was in there maybe five feet and I got dizzy. There's got to be a leak. He might not be doing good because of this leak."

The woman said she would send her son over to check it out and Higgs left. The woman changed her tip from $14 to $100, which Higgs appreciated, but the message she sent her the next morning was a much greater reward for her going the extra mile.

"Thank you so much, once my son went to check on my dad it turned out it was definitely leaking," she wrote. "You definitely saved my dad and my younger son's life!!!"

Through tears, Higgs said, "I'm just an Instacart worker, but if you see something, say something. I did and I'm so happy I did."

Higgs' TikTok has been viewed more than 15 million times and has been shared widely on social media. It has also attracted the attention of big companies.

Royal Caribbean Cruises shared a TikTok video of its own praising Higgs for her heroic act and offering her and her family a seven-day cruise anywhere in the world. "Cause even heroes need a vacation," the company wrote.



@royalcaribbean

Stitch with @jessicahiggs3 - cause even heroes need a vacation. Thanks @captaincruiseguy



Old Navy connected with her and arranged a shopping spree where she got to model several new outfits. People Magazine commented, "You’re literally a HERO! Good job trusting your instincts. 💕" Even TikTok itself wrote, "You are amazing ❤️thank you for sharing this with all of us."

Lots of commenters also pointed out that she's not "just an Instacart worker." Her work is important, she's providing a needed service and any job done in a spirit of helping others should not be minimized. If she hadn't been there doing her job well, that man may not be here. Never underestimate the difference each of us can make by the simple act of looking out for one another, friend and stranger alike.

Higgs' heartfelt story touched millions, and she's being rightly rewarded for listening to her heart and going out of her way to help someone. Gotta love seeing good things come to people doing good. Well done, Jessica Higgs.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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James Van Der Beek's realization about his identity after cancer has people pondering

"I had to look my own mortality in the eye," said the Dawson's Creek alum. "I had to come nose to nose with death."

Photo credits: SANSIERRASTUDIO (left) Super Festivals from Ft. Lauderdale, USA (right)

James Van Der Beek in 2010 and 2023

There's nothing like a brush with death to make you reflect on your life. It's so easy for all of us to get caught up in the day-to-day details of living and not take the time to ponder the deeper elements of existence, from the nature of the universe to the meaning of life to our own individual role in the big picture.

Existential questions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but actor James Van Der Beek shared a thoughtful 48th birthday message with his own life reflection after facing cancer, and it distills a lot of the angst of those questions into a simple yet profound answer that's hitting home with people.

Van Der Beek, who starred in the millennial favorite Dawson's Creek, announced he'd been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024 at age 47. He and his wife, Kimberly, have six children, and in a video shared on social media, Van Der Beek shared the progression from his somewhat unfulfilling identity as an actor to "the ultimate" identity as a husband and father prior to his cancer diagnosis.

"I could define myself as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on," he said. "And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question, 'Who am I? What am I?'"

"And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye," he continued. "I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who is helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them."

He found himself facing the question: "If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment, with cancer, what am I?"

So often we define ourselves by our roles in life or by what we do, but what if those things change? Who are we when it's just us, alone, with nothing external to anchor us to a particular identity?

"And I meditated and the answer came through," Van Der Beek shared. "I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you."

I offer that to you however it sits in your consciousness. However it resonates, run with it," he said. "And if the word God trips you up, I certainly don't know or claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger or if it feels too religious you can take the word 'God' out and your mantra can simply be 'I am worthy of love.' Because you are."


Van Der Beek's sincere, warm delivery and universal message of love and worth hit home for a lot of people. Fellow celebrities and fans alike praised and thanked him for it:

"Happy birthday brother. This was absolutely beautiful 💜🙏🏻💜," wrote singer Chris Daughtry.

"You’re a gift to this earth and I’m grateful to know you even if it’s just through IG. Greatly admire the graceful way you share and happy you made it around the Sun again," wrote New Kids on the Block's Joey McIntyre.

The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn Sigler wrote, "That is it James. That is it. And you my friend are love. A steward of love. A teacher of love !❤️. We love you !!"

"I watched this with Bodhi with tears in our eyes and Bodhi said 'that was really touching' thanks for being love James and sharing that with everyone, ❤️" added actor Teresa Palmer.

Battlestar Galactica reboot's Katee Sackhoff wrote, "Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom ❤️ Amen!'

"You are such a special soul. You are pure love my friend," added actor Nikki Reed. "Worthy of it all… hoping to hug all of you soon. Happy birthday❤️❤️❤️"

Some people took issue with Van Der Beek saying people could remove the word "God" from the message if they wanted to, but the reality is that not everyone has positive feelings about God or religion, and some have even been deeply hurt by people weaponizing them. Van Der Beek making a message of love more universal so that everyone can take it in and benefit from it without barriers or hang-ups is part of what makes it so beautiful. He was able to express his own religious/spiritual experience without shying away from the terminology that was true for him, while also making sure that his message was accessible to everyone regardless of faith or belief.

Perhaps we can all take a lesson from Van Der Beek's sincere, open, and balanced approach as well.

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UK's new bereavement law recognizes that trauma women feel after having miscarriage

Other countries should follow the UK's example.

via Canva/Photos

Women and their partners need time to grieve after a miscarriage.

One of the greatest tragedies of having a miscarriage is that they are primarily a private affair, grieved mainly by the mother. Because it happens behind closed doors, there is often a lack of public acknowledgment or support for the family. Healthcare professionals typically tell the mother they will forget about the miscarriage after they have a successful pregnancy, but unfortunately, the pain often lingers, and not all go on to conceive.

"Because it is medically common, the impact of miscarriage is often underestimated," says Janet Jaffe, PhD, co-author of the 2010 book Reproductive Trauma: Psychotherapy with Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Clients, told the American Psychological Association. "But miscarriage is a traumatic loss, not only of the pregnancy, but of a woman's sense of self and her hopes and dreams of the future. She has lost her ‘reproductive story,' and it needs to be grieved."

What's the psychological impact of a miscarriage?

Studies show that having a miscarriage is an incredibly traumatic experience, with 29% of mothers in the UK meeting the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder after losing a pregnancy. A miscarriage is also known to lead to extreme feelings of guilt, anxiety, and depression. In most of the world, women who've miscarried are forced to carry on with life as if they had a routine health issue.

A young women sitting on a blurred beach with her head in one handThe grief can take years. via Canva/Photos

That’s about to change in the United Kingdom, where the country is strengthening its laws to help parents who have experienced a miscarriage. UK Parliament is set to pass a new employment rights bill that would add two weeks of bereavement leave to parents if they have suffered a pregnancy loss before 24 weeks’ gestation. Parents in the UK already have a right to bereavement leave for having lost a child or suffered a stillbirth after 24 weeks of gestation. The new law will cover parents from conception.

The new protections would affect the nearly 250,000 expectant mothers in the UK who suffer a miscarriage every year. It’s estimated that 10 to 20% of pregnancies in the UK end in miscarriages, although that number may be higher because many go unreported.

After the bill is passed into law, the UK will join New Zealand, India, Germany, and the Philippines in guaranteeing bereavement time off for those who have experienced a miscarriage.

A January report from the UK Parliament’s Women and Equalities Committee found that the evidence for the bereavement policy was “overwhelming” and that it should benefit both parents.

“Miscarriages and pregnancy losses can be devastating for women and their families with both emotional and physical consequences. As the data shows, such experiences are sadly not uncommon, and yet current legislation has not caught up with this stark reality,” WEC’s Chair Labour MP Sarah Owen, said, according to the report. “The case for a minimum standard in law is overwhelming. A period of paid leave should be available to all women and partners who experience a pre-24-week pregnancy loss. It’s time to include bereavement leave for workers who miscarry in new employment rights laws.”

The employment rights bill is expected to pass its final hurdles in the House of Commons next week.


Do Americans get bereavement leave for having a miscarriage?

Unfortunately, the United States has a long way to go when it comes to miscarriage bereavement. Only 5 of the 50 states, California, Maryland, Illinois, Oregon, and Washington, have employee bereavement laws, and all of them cover having a miscarriage. However, the amount of time varies between states. When it comes to private companies in the U.S that have bereavement benefits, around 24% of them cover miscarriage.

The UK bereavement bill is a step in the right direction for the people of the UK, and it sheds light on a hidden trauma that many couples go through but few discuss publicly. It also sets a precedent by showing the rest of the world that parents who've had miscarriages deserve real support.

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