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Parenting

A dad realized his son treats Mom very differently when they're alone and it blew his mind

The moms have been trying to tell us!

dad with a baby; mom with a baby
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A lot of dads are not aware of this.

It's hard out here being a dad. No one would argue that. But studies show dads are actually happier, less tired, and less stressed out than one very special group of people: Moms. It might sound obvious since we know the majority of childcare still tends to fall on women, but the differences between moms and dads hold up even when accounting for total time spent taking care of the kids. So what gives? At the risk of having rotten tomatoes hurled at my head, is it possible that dads are just way more chill and better at handling the stress?

Absolutely not! But it does leave a bit of a mystery. Why are dads faring better even when they spend lots of time taking care of the children? One explanation is that dads often get the easy stuff, like recreation and play, while moms tend to get stuck with more rigorous tasks like logistics, cleaning, cooking, and bathing. But that doesn't explain everything.

One dad recently had an epiphany about exactly why he finds taking care of the kids less taxing than his wife does.

A dad who posts online as @workharddadhard never found solo parenting his son to be all that challenging. He says in a now viral TikTok video that his son would usually just play quietly by himself, ask for things nicely if he needed something, and generally be pretty independent. What he never understood was why solo parenting seemed to leave his wife drained, exhausted, and desperate for help.

"For the longest time I wondered why my wife was always like 'Please, like as soon as you can, get home from work, like whenever you're done please just come home, I could really use your help here. ... It's been a long day.'"

What was she doing differently that made parenting so much harder? One day he got the chance to observe exactly what his wife had been talking about this whole time. He happened to be home during the day while Mom was in charge and saw "our son just do things that he never ever did with me and it was crazy."

"Our kid acts completely different around his mom," he said, adding that the epiphany "blew his mind."

Watch the whole video here:

@workharddadhard

When I was home, our son would play by himself, ask for things nicely, but then when it was just mom, things changed…

Commenters chimed in by the thousands to confirm: Kids are often needier and more poorly behaved for mom. And more dads need to get the memo.

This dad wasn't the only parent whose kid does a Jekyll and Hyde act depending on which parent they're with. He also wasn't the only dad who had no idea this was even a thing, at least until recently:

"A lot of dads are not aware of this."

"Coming from a mom, it's so unfair. and dads often don't see it so they don't get why we're stressed and overwhelmed at the end of the day"

"More dads need to understand this. this is why they judge moms for being exhausted and wonder why 'nothing' gets done around the house. or why they need a break."

"Thanks for acknowledging. My kids ask me for things 1000x a day and when my husband is alone with them, they don’t need anything, never hungry and play by themselves"

"My children are insanely needy for me, but wildly independent problem solvers with my husband"


gif of man having a breakdownSome kids are like Jekyll and Hyde depending on which parent they're withGiphy

Some parents offered the theory that kids were more likely to act out because they felt safer with mom:

"Kids act out the most whoever they are most comfortable with. They know their feelings and big emotions are safe," one commenter wrote.

The research backs this up. It's the same mechanism at work that causes your kids to behave perfectly at school but raise hell at home. The more comfortable and securely attached they are to you, the more likely they are to be vulnerable and let out their big feelings (and true nature). They may feel more empowered to ask you for or demand help, or generally misbehave. When Mom is the primary caregiver, which is usually the case, it's natural that kids will feel even a little bit safer with her than Dad. That means she gets the short end of the stick when it comes to clinginess and bad behavior.

There are two takeaways here for parents. First, if your kid is well-behaved for everyone including your partner, but a terror for you, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong! In fact, though it may be little comfort, it probably just means that they feel the safest and most connected to you. Second, remember that your partner isn't being dramatic if they're feeling burnt out by the kid but you're not. Believe them, support them, and for God's sake, be there to give them a break.

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Women's Peace & Humanitarian Fund
WPHF
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How one woman is breaking barriers to amplify women's voices in peace building across Southern Africa

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Vimbai Kapurura is the Executive Director of Women Unlimited, a grassroots women’s rights organization working to promote the rights and leadership of women, girls, and marginalized groups in Eswatini and southern Africa. With support from the Rapid Response Window of the United Nations Women’s Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF), she’s advocating to have more female voices in national peace building spaces to ensure women’s rights and demands are included.

“Women are peacebuilders. We are peacemakers. We have a critical role to play in crisis situations and we are very much better placed to play a peacebuilding role in any country.”

In the face of the growing political turmoil in Eswatini, where calls for the establishment of a national dialogue remain seemingly unanswered, Vimbai and her organization are stepping up, raising their voice and bringing forward innovative solutions to promote peace and stability across the country. WPHF is supporting them to amplify women’s voices and mainstream gender perspectives into relevant decision-making mechanisms.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“We are the cradle of life. We are changemakers, movers, shakers of any area of development. We want to be engaged and involved in any area of the value chain, the complete value chain. We want to be there.”

As part of its project with WPHF, Women Unlimited – with technical support from Cordaid, one of the INGO partners of the RRW – has trained several local women-led civil society organizations in conflict resolution, conflict prevention and mediation processes, as well as carried out educational and awareness raising campaigns on the value of women’s participation in peace processes, targeting both women and men across the country.

“WPHF has really helped us a lot. Not only has the funding allowed us to engage more women in peacebuilding processes, but it’s also supported us to underscore the need for female leadership in these spaces, where we’re often left aside.”

In Eswatini, where women and girls face deep-rooted patriarchy from a very young age, undermining their confidence, autonomy and leadership, Vimbai has become an outspoken advocate for women’s equal representation in decision-making roles at all levels, from community-level and regional committees to national and global peace building spaces.

“If you gather many women toward on common goal, you are guaranteed that that goal is going to be achieved. Let us come together and be the change we want to see. No one will do it for us. But together, we can.”

A tireless leader and activist who’s influenced the lives of many women and girls in Eswatini, Vimbai is a firm believer in women’s capacity, tenacity, and adaptability to lead and drive transformative change in their communities. When she thinks about peace, she dreams about women coming together, taking up space, and walking side by side for a more peaceful and gender-equal world in which harmful stereotypes and cultural practices are left behind.

Follow, engage, and amplify the work of Vimbai's organization!

Parenting

Dad invited 24 kids to a birthday party. 0 RVSPd. Then they all showed up and trashed the place.

Parents are giving brilliant tips for tweaking invites so these catastrophes don't happen.

Unsplash & Canva Photos

This party was tragically a perfect storm of everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Kids birthday party culture is definitely having a moment in the public discourse. For one thing, parties have become outrageously expensive. Renting a lane at the bowling alley and getting some pizza for a dozen kids used to be the cheap party. Now that same experience will probably run $500 or more. If you tack on custom desserts (and not a Costco sheet cake), goodie bags, and a premium venue like a trampoline park or arcade, you could be looking at a bill of close to $1000! That's madness!

RSVP etiquette is in crisis, too. Social media is rife with stories of no one RSVPing, RSVPers no-showing on the day, and others sorts of rude or bizarre behavior from parents that turns parties sour and, sadly, ruin kids' birthdays.

One dad's recent story of a birthday party gone horribly wrong, though, definitely takes the cake.


toddler in a pink dress eating cakePlanning a kid's birthday means expecting the unexpected. Giphy

"My son's birthday was recently and we decided to throw him a party at a local place that was kid focused and amazing," the dad writes in a Reddit post. Due to classroom rules and wanting to pass the invitations out through school, the family invited all 24 kids from their child's class.

"Not a single parent RSVP'ed. Not a single one. My name, my phone number, AND my spouse's phone number was on the card. I'm literally staring at one ... that I handwrote and this was included on the invite. I handwrote every card so I know for a fact what was on there," he says.

Not wanting to cancel the birthday party (and traumatize his son), the dad began inviting kids from other branches of his network. Friends' kids, coworkers kids. Basically anyone with a warm body so that they could throw a proper party. In the end, the family planned and paid for 15 kids to attend the party, including a resounding zero from class.

And then everything went haywire.

"Party was yesterday night. ... We get there, get settled in, and start seeing kids come in. A few of his classmates began showing up. I was fine with that and was excited kids started showing up for him. And then more kids started showing up. One family brought 7 kids total; 3 teens, 2 slightly older kids, a girl from his classmates, and their cousin. Another family brought their son AND one of his friends because 'they didn't know if their son would know anyone there so we wanted to make sure he had a friend to play with'. So many of them brought siblings."

The numbers quickly got way, way out of hand. Organizers at the venue told the dad he was going to have to pay for all the extra kids that showed up. So the OP unfortunately had to tell anyone who brought uninvited kids, or failed to RSVP, that they would have to pay their own way for all the crafts and activities available at the venue.

A few families apologized and ponied up, but... "I had multiple parents tell me that they didn't know they couldn't bring their other kids and promised to pay before they left. Some asked for my Cashapp/Venmo/Zelle so they could reimburse me later since they couldn't afford it right now. Some just left, a few taking their presents with them."

With so many kids running amok, the party took an unfortunate turn. Kids started being mean to an animal that was brought out for entertainment and its handlers had to put it away. Trash went flying everywhere. Kids climbed on tables and got kicked out. It was pandemonium.


gif of woman jumping on a table and it collapsing beneath herKids at the party climbed on and broke furnitureGiphy

In the end, dad had to pay an extra cleaning fee, pay for damage done to the venue, and pay for all the extra kids who showed up whose parents left before chipping in. Worse yet, his son was devastated at how the party turned out.

"I was in tears. My son is really upset that there were so many mean kids. He said this was the worst party ever and asked to not have a party for next year."

The obvious question coming out of this story: Why are people so awful?!

Stories like this one sadly aren't rare. The cynical take is that parents are ruder and more self-absorbed than ever, that our socially disconnected society has diluted our sense of community and obligation to be kind to each other.

The slightly more optimistic and probably more accurate take is that today's parents are completely overwhelmed and have their hands full coordinating handfuls of events that are months away, responding to dozens of daily emails from school and teachers and daycares, being engaged and hands-on in every aspects of their kids lives, etc. So RSVPs sometimes slip to the bottom of the list and get forgotten. The behavior in this dad's story is appalling, but probably not intentionally malicious.

Still, social media users were furious on behalf of the child and his parents in the story.

"This is unacceptable behavior," wrote one commenter.

"People suck and kids parties bring out the worst in people!" added another.

Whatever the cause, there are a few ways you can protect yourself and your kids from birthday party catastrophes like this one.

Don't include the specific location on the invite. The best way to stop people who didn't RSVP from showing up unannounced is to stay vague about the party venue. Just put the day and time on the invitation so people can save the date, but make them text or call before you tell them where the party will be held. That way, you can secure a commitment beforehand.

Specify whether siblings are welcome. Unfortunately, some parents have been known to use other kids birthday parties as informal daycares, dropping all of their kids off at once and taking themselves a nice break! It's not all conniving, though. It is legitimately a lot easier on some families to bring everyone along to a party rather than dividing and conquering to entertain siblings who weren't invited. Just be clear on the invite or in RSVP discussions about who's allowed to come and whether parents are expected to stay (or if it's a "drop off party").

Understand classroom rules. A lot of schools now require that, if birthday party invitations get handed out in class, that everyone is invited. That rules comes from a great place of not wanting anyone to feel left out, but it also causes a lot of problems. The inclusivity is a positive but it also means you end up inviting a lot of kids and parents you don't know very well or at all. If you're up for this logistical challenge, go for it! But if not, consider a smaller party with just your child's good friends—and invite them privately outside of school.

Finally, for anyone on the receiving end of a birthday party invitation, don't be a jerk! RSVPing either way is a much appreciated gesture. On the chance that you do forget to RSVP (it happens), don't show up unannounced. It may not seem like a big deal, but when a couple dozen sets of parents all have the same thought, this dad's viral story shows exactly what can go wrong.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Family

'He was raised right'—Tween boy offers masterclass apology after hitting neighbor's truck

This is how you take accountability, no matter what age you are.

Photo credit: Canva

A great lesson for kids and adults alike.

Many folks feel that kids today don’t have good manners. Or at the very least, it’s not the “please and thank you” filled politeness that was instilled in older generations as kids. And you can largely attribute this change in society to things like technology causing less face-to-face interactions and casual comfort taking precedence over formality—things which affect what parents teach, or don’t teach, their children.

Still, every so often there’s a kiddo whose behavior is so exemplary we find ourselves a little more hopeful for humanity. This super sweet apology, caught on tape and shared by Alondra Hernandaz, is one of those times.

Apparently, a young boy was playing soccer with his friends (kids playing outside?! A miracle!) when their ball hit part of a truck parked outside Hernandez's house, causing the alarm to go off. The boy explained all this to the doorbell camera, not actually knowing if anyone would see it. Nonetheless, he “wanted to apologize" in case the alarm disrupted others.

Watch:

@aloooh69 We ain’t even mad.🙌🏽👏🏽 #fyp #camera #neighbors #kidsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Alondra Hernandez

Unsurprisingly, Hernandez wrote “we ain’t even mad” in her video’s caption.

It wasn’t long before this wholesome apology began making the rounds on social media, where folks unanimously agreed that this young man was "raised right.” The sheer fact that no one prompted him to go up and apologize, and that he intentionally chose to do so even though no one would have ever known about the incident spoke volumes to this kid’s character.

As one person on Reddit noted, “Just the courage to go and apologize right away is awesome. I know I would have pondered 10 times before doing that as a kid.”

Another on TikTok remarked, “He knows the importance of integrity. Well done young man. Kudos to your parents.”

Parents today might not want to force formalities onto their kids, especially not in the same self-compromising way they had to endure during their own upbringing. But as this story shows, there’s something to be said about how true, authentic politeness inspires kindness, respect and empathy, which is something our world desperately needs. While this young boy may be one of those anomalies who was simply born with a sense of etiquette, he likely learned these skills over time.

Parents can use several strategies to teach children how to use manners—like positive reinforcement, instilling good tech practices, finding ways to incorporate manners into everyday routines—but none compare with setting the example themselves. We know that children learn by observing adults, so in addition to reminding a kid to say "please and thank you,” use those words yourself. Even personalize it (“thank you, this sandwich was so delicious, it hit the spot!”) so that they can see a little detail goes a long way. And of course, demonstrate polite language and respectful behavior even when the rest of the world does not. It isn't always easy to do, but nevertheless, it's very important for raising the next generation of good humans.

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Celebrity

Breathtaking clip resurfaces of a 16-year-old 'waitress' Ariana Grande singing in a Chili's

"Yes. It's really her."

Ariana Grande / YouTube

A resurface click of a 16-year-old Ariana Grande

Before she was Glinda the Good Witch, before she was a Grammy-winning music sensation, Ariana Grande-Butera was just a girl from Florida with huge dreams. After a quick stint in a Broadway musical, by the age of 15, she was part of the Nickelodeon world, beloved for her role as Cat Valentine in Victorious and it's spin-off Sam & Cat.

After a lot of hard work debuting her first album, the rest is history. But every so often, a picture or video of a teenage Ariana makes the rounds, and the internet goes wild. This time, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have revived an old clip of a 16-year-old Ariana singing "Happy Birthday" to customers at a Chili's restaurant.

This isn't the first, nor probably the last, time the algorithms have popped this one up to the surface, especially since Ariana is on fire right now. But the fans and comments continue to discuss—with passion—how much they love her, even beyond her latest Wicked sensation.

What's interesting is that many fans still get the whole premise of it wrong. In a clip posted on TikTok, it's described as "Ariana singing happy birthday when she was a waitress at Chili's," then adding, "it's giving Meena vibes" (a reference to a shy performer in the animated film Sing, voiced by Tori Kelly).

@cloud_ari3

it's giving Meena #fyp #foryoupage #arianagrande #arianator #viral #cloud_ari3

There are over 300,000 likes and thousands of comments, with many questioning the original post. One writes, "She was working as a waitress while working on the set of Victorious?? Cuz she didn’t have red hair till the producers made her dye it." Others agree and wonder why she's there, clad in an apron and a tank top.

Some swear they knew her while she worked at the restaurant. "No one believed me that she worked at Chili’s. I remember her photos working there!"

And some are just impressed by both Grande AND Chili's. "Of COURSE Ari would work somewhere as magical as Chili's."

Finally, enough comments reveal that no, she was not, in fact, a working actress, raising money for a St. Jude charity event. "Y'all, she was already semi-famous when she did this. She worked one day as a guest server for a St. Jude Children's Hospital fundraiser."

In fact, that very fundraiser was a Chili's-based campaign called "Create-A-Pepper," whose goal was to raise $50 million for St. Jude Children's Hospital. On Popstar! Magazine's YouTube channel, Ariana shares, "If you donate a dollar or more, they can color in a pepper. The proceeds will go to St. Jude and help raise awareness for kids with cancer."

- YouTube, Popstar! Magazine, Ariana Grande www.youtube.com

In the video, Ariana also gives her heartfelt gratitude to another Chili's employee whom she says has been teaching her "how to be a waitress." The woman commends Ariana on her skills, though admits she doesn't quite know the menu. Ariana laughs and jokes that she's been making up things. "We have a sandwich with bananas and peanut butter and Nutella and fluff."

The Create-A-Pepper campaign is still very much active, and Chili's holds their donation drive every September.

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Climate Change

Doctor warns that having this in your bathroom is a huge red flag for your health

People mistake it for mold.

via Canva/Photos

A woman feeling sick in her bathroom.

It’s easy to tell if mold is growing in your bathroom: you notice the black stuff growing on the caulk that lines your bathtub or near the bottom of the hot and cold water handles on your sink. But have you ever seen a ring of pink slime accumulating around your sink drain or on the bottom of your shower curtain? Most people think it’s mold, but it’s actually something worse.

U.K.-based surgeon Dr. Karan Rajan explained the pink slime phenomenon in a TikTok video that’s received over 640,000 views. “You've seen this pink slime lurking in your bathroom, it's not mold, it's bacteria,” Dr. Rajan says. “Specifically one called Serratia marcescens. And it vomits hot pink all over your bathroom.”

Yes, that’s not soap that has turned a bubble-gum color on the bottom of your shower curtain or Pepto Bismol that didn’t go down the drain. It’s bacteria vomit.

@dr.karanr

Pink slime

The interesting thing about this bacteria is that the products you use to clean your body in the shower or wash your hands in the sink are what it loves to eat. Pink slime feeds on fat and mineral deposits from soap scum and shampoo.

If you’ve found some pink slime in your home before, you know it’s much grosser than you originally thought. But is it dangerous? “[To] the average person, it's pretty harmless, even if you come into contact with it, but you still wanna avoid getting in your eyes or open wounds,” Dr. Raja warns. “However, it can cause gut, urine, or chest infections in those who are immunocompromised.”

"OMG this reappears in our tub every few weeks. I was wondering what it was!?" someone wrote in the comments on the TikTok post. "I always wondered. The pink slime and my bleach bottle are in a constant battle," another added.

The bigger problem of pink slime is that it may be a symptom of a more significant issue. “If your home has enough damp for pink slime to consistently develop, you could actually be growing other things as well, like actual household molds, which could be causing respiratory issues or allergies,” Dr. Rajan says.

serratia marcescensSerratia marcescens up close.via Bjorn S./Wikimedia Commons

How to clean pink slime (Serratia marcescens)

Here is how to clean and sanitize your bathroom of pink slime, thanks to This Old House.

  1. Wear safety glasses, a mask, and gloves
  2. Combine 2 tablespoons of dish soap with one quarter cup of baking soda
  3. Apply the mixture to the bacteria and scrub thoroughly with a nylon brush
  4. Rinse away the loosened bacteria
  5. Spray the affected area with 1:1 warm water and bleach solution
  6. Let sit for ten minutes, then scrub again
  7. Dry with a microfiber towel

How to prevent pink slime from growing in your bathroom

How do you keep pink slime from growing in your home in the first place? The key is to keep your bathroom dry. “The first rule of Pink Slime Club is to keep the bacteria forming in the first place. By curbing its growth, you'll be preventing other dangerous molds from forming,” Dr. Rajan says. “Keep your shower dry and well-ventilated, put on an exhaust fan or open a window after showering to keep humidity levels low, and regularly clean and disinfect your bathroom. It's filthier than you think.”

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Nature

A hard-to-watch experiment demonstrates that babies aren’t naturally afraid of snakes

Letting snakes loose in a room full of babies? Fascinating, but soooo uncomfortable.

Photo credit: Canva

Babies are more curious than afraid when it comes to snakes.

As someone who's been afraid of snakes for as long as I can remember, I've often wondered where that fear came from. I've never been bitten or harmed by a snake. I've had close encounters with rattlesnakes out in the wild, but no actual strikes. I've had friends with pet snakes that were perfectly docile, and I've even held and petted snakes before (with no small amount of trepidation). While I think a healthy respect for snakes is wise, as some can be dangerous or even deadly, my fear goes way beyond that. I know lions, tigers, and bears are dangerous as well, but don't feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin when I see them like I do when I see a snake.

Why, though? Is that reaction something I learned when I was little, or is it an instinctive, evolutionary fear I inherited from my ancestors?

gif of woman reaching out to hold a snakeReality Reaction GIF by Married At First SightGiphy

Theoretically, the question of whether fears are innate or learned can at least somewhat be answered by seeing how babies react to things. Every baby is different, of course, and some are more sensitive to certain things than others, but researchers have found that babies in general do not exhibit a natural fear of snakes. In their infancy, children largely learn what to fear by observing the reactions of the people around them, whether their parents or others have a negative or positive reaction to something. A fear of snakes might develop early on if a caregiver demonstrate that fear themselves. But without observing that, if you put babies in a room with snakes, they won't be afraid.

And yes, we can actually see that theory tested. In an episode of Secret Science on ABC (Australian Broadcasting Company), a handful of babies sat on the floor surrounded by toys and a couple of well-trained, non-venomous snakes. If you have a fear of snakes, brace yourself but give it a chance—it's as informative and fascinating as it is mortifying.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The host's reaction is so relatable, especially the shudders and the gagging. But clearly the babies were unfazed by the serpents slithering around them. One of them even tried to bite the poor snake, for goodness sake. (It hardly seems necessary, but I should probably insert an obligatory disclaimer here: This is a controlled environment with snakes that are known to be safe with handlers right there, so please do not attempt this with any snakes and babies at home.)

Measuring fear in babies is, of course, a bit of a challenge. It's not like an infant can say, "I'm scared," and babies are known to cry or startle for all kinds of reasons that might not be related to whatever stimuli is around them. An analysis of studies done on babies and fear published in the journal Developmental Psychology in 2020 found that babies react more quickly to commonly assumed fear triggers, but the evidence doesn't show that they are actually afraid of them.

Steve Irwin handling two large snakesSteve Irwin Snakes GIF by BustleGiphy

"Most infants are not afraid of snakes, spiders, heights, or strangers," write study authors Vanessa LoBue and Karen E Adolph. "Instead, they differentiate these stimuli from others, they explore these stimuli to learn about them, and they evaluate the meaning of these stimuli relative to the environment. Although fear of snakes/spiders, heights, and strangers might be adaptive in some instances, heightened attention to these stimuli, the ability to perceive affordances for action when presented with these stimuli, and the ability to evaluate their meaning based on context is far more adaptive: These behaviors encourage infants to explore new things while maintaining the flexibility to develop a fear if they discover that a stimulus is truly threatening."

Learning what to fear from caregivers is an important adaptation, not just among humans but among many animal species as well. Rescued baby orangutans had to be taught to fear snakes by human caregivers at Borneo Orangutan Survival, for instance. Snakes are actually dangerous sometimes, so it's wise to instill some sense of fear of snakes in the wild.

Learning to fear something fear-worthy is a tricky business for humans, though. People are complex and an overreaction might lead to an irrational anxiety response rather than a healthy fear. We may have the cognitive abilities to understand the context and circumstances in which fear is warranted or not, but that doesn't mean we are always able to access those abilities in the face of a fight, flight, or freeze response.

Keeping fear in the reasonable realm is important, and knowing that babies start off without fear of snakes might help inform the way we should react in front of them in order for them to learn the wisdom of fear without it going too far.

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