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The keys to a good, long-lasting marriage, according to happy older couples

Couples married for 25 to 57 years share the wisdom they've gleaned about happy relationships.

older couple cuddling, man kissing woman's forehead
Photo by Gustavo Fring/Pexels

What makes some relationships work so well for so long?

No one goes into their wedding day thinking that their marriage won't last, but as we all know, "happily" doesn't always mean "ever after." Some marriages start off strong and fizzle out over time. Some people choose the wrong partner to begin with and end up divorcing. Some go through major life upheavals that they aren't able to overcome as a pair.

But some couples live the dream, not only staying together for the long haul but truly living happily ever after. That's not to say they don't have their share of challenges or that their relationships are perfect, but long-term, happy marriages really do exist.

People often want to know what the "secret" is to a good marriage that lasts. What is it that these couples do or don't do to stay together for life in marital bliss?

Researchers like John Gottman have formally studied and analyzed relationships, sharing key elements that can make or break a marriage. But it's also good to go straight to the source—couples who are still married and happy decades after tying the knot—to hear what they have to say. Every individual and every couple are unique, of course, but when you hear similar things from happy old couples over and over again, it's a pretty safe bet that their wisdom is sound.

The AskOldPeople Reddit page has fielded various versions of the question, "What's the secret to a long and happy marriage?" several times. Here are some answers from people who've been married between 25 and 52 years:

"Marry someone who has the same basic values. Hobbies, interests and style will match over a while. Cleanliness, greed, jealousy, pettiness, ... will never change. This is character. So don`t believe that you can train this. You have to find a partner that matches with your core values. Family, friends, lifestyle." – 32 years

"Marry someone you really, really like. Because if you’re doing life together, you’re going to go through a lot of shit. So much shit, y’all. You’ve got to have a partner who you genuinely love seeing walk into the room at least 90% of the time. It’s been 32 years and I still smile when my partner shows up." – 32 years

"The three main ingredients to me are Love, Respect and Commitment. if any one of the three are missing, yer screwed." – 47 years

"Don’t let the small things bother you. Everyone has moods, but don’t take it personally. When we were first married I used to try and get my husband to talk through everything. I finally learned to just let him be for a while. In time, he’d usually come around and talk things through. Sometimes he wouldn’t, but that was okay. Be respectful, admit when you’re wrong, and be there for each other. Also, have outings with your friends alone and together. Everyone needs and deserves time to be with their friends. Divide up household chores (this is one area we still have issues with) and realize, at times, you may have to do more and vise versa." – 36 years

"We met when we were 16 and married 6 years later. During that time we got to know each other very well and agreed on common values by the time we got married. I have to say, we've never had a conflict on finances, religion, raising of children, education or any other major topic that surfaces during marriage. I trust my wife in every way as she does me. It seems to have worked for us." – 50 years

"Marry someone you both like and love. Make sure they feel the same about you. Respect, understanding, good communication are also key. Common life goals and values are a must. Make sure you have fun!" – 25 years

"Shared values, (shared faith helps), respect for each other in all things. We may not always agree on everything, but we have great respect for each other. Avoid criticism and blaming. If a serious issue has been talked out and settled, leave it in the past. Don't throw it back up at someone months or years later. Communicate, don't harbor resentments. If something is an issue, address it head on and negotiate a mutually agreed upon solution. Have a plan about finances. We do not make major financial decisions without consulting the other…And we make each other laugh, we have fun together. if you aren't laughing and having fun together, then you need to figure out why and fix that immediately. marriage is work, but its also fun, rewarding, exciting, fulfilling, and sexy!" – 44 years

"Luck in picking a decent guy at age 19 and then a lot of patience that we'd make it through the tougher times. But really it comes down to being a couple of decent human beings. It also helps a lot to be financially secure and not to have any major crises (mental illness, severely disabled child, addiction, etc) thrown at you. I'm a big fan of the the Gottmans who have done a lot of research on what makes marriages last or fail. Contempt is a killer. Actively paying attention to each other is good. And this sounds bad, but it's sort of like what makes Finland the happiest country--reasonable expectations. If you're looking for something out of a Disney fairy tale or some celebrity couple's curated IG stream every day you're bound to be disappointed. But a solid relationship where you both support each other through the ups and downs of life is a great thing." – 52 years

"— Choose wisely. Choose someone who has the same, or at least compatible, attitudes towards sex, money, religion, raising kids, and so on.

— Have the attitude that your marriage is more important than the wants or desires of either partner.

— Never assume that you know what your spouse is thinking or that they know what you are thinking. The roughest patches in our marriage occurred when one or both of us thought that our concerns were so screamingly obvious that only malice could explain the other’s failure to address those concerns. In reality, they weren’t even on the other’s radar and they weren’t really that obvious.

— Trust your partner and give them the benefit of the doubt unless you have concrete evidence that they have broken your trust. If you are worried, say something but do it in a non-accusatory manner." – 37 years

"There isn't one secret, but there are many components. The most important one is to choose your partner well for reasons that are deep and relatively permanent rather than shallow and fleeting. I chose my husband because he was authentic, honest, intelligent, fun, communicative, loving, and emotionally balanced. He was comfortable with who he was in a non-arrogant way and had no pretense.

The second is having the ability to compromise when it's important without suppressing your needs when they are important. You sometimes have to sacrifice what makes you comfortable for what is best for your future. That goes for both people. If one person is making all of the compromises, then it's going to create big problems.

In the long run, one of the more important things is that you both keep growing and improving as people together. You should be bringing out the best in each other. Couples that bring out the worst in each other will live in increasing misery. Part of doing this is recognizing when you've messed up and being able to apologize and try hard to be better." – 35 years

"The BFF aspect is real, in two senses. We are each other's closest confidant, but the connection is between two independent people, each with our own careers, interests, and circles of same sex friends, my bros and her galpals.

Neither of us has stopped growing. We were kids when we started. We have each changed enormously over this many years. It takes nonstop work, communication, and commitment to grow together rather than apart.

As our marriage has matured, we have built a supporting infrastructure of financial stability and kinship connections with grown kids, their spouses, and now grandkids that are becoming adults. In a way, we're not just a couple anymore, we're the center of a whole institution." – 57 years

Every relationship works differently, but shared values, love, respect, communication, trust, patience, compromise and choosing wisely to begin with seems to be key factors in having a relationship that not only lasts, but lasts happily. Even if you haven't experienced it yourself, it's heartening to know that happily ever after really is possible.

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Cycle for Survival
Cycle for Survival
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How can riding a bike help beat cancer? Just ask Reid Moritz, 10-year-old survivor and leader of his own “wolfpack”

Every year, Reid and his pack participate in Cycle for Survival to help raise money for the rare cancer research that’s helped him and so many others. You can too.

all photos courtesy of Reid Moritz

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research

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There are many things that ten-year-old Reid Wolf Moritz loves. His family, making watches (yes, really), basketball, cars (especially Ferraris), collecting super, ultra-rare Pokémon cards…and putting the pedal to the medal at Cycle for Survival.

Cycle for Survival is the official rare cancer fundraising program of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK). One hundred percent of every dollar raised at Cycle for Survival events supports rare cancer research and lifesaving clinical trials at MSK.

At only two years old, Reid was diagnosed with pilocytic astrocytoma, a rare type of brain tumor.

Pediatric cancer research is severely underfunded. When standard treatments don't work, families rely on breakthrough clinical trials to give their children a real shot at long-term survival.

When Reid’s chemotherapy and brain surgery didn’t work, he was able to participate in one of MSK’s clinical trials, where he’s received some incredible results. “Memorial Sloan Kettering has done so much for me. It's just so nice how they did all this for me. They're just the best hospital ever,” Reid recalls.

And that’s why every year, you’ll find Reid with his team, aptly named Reid's Wolfpack, riding at Cycle for Survival. It’s just Reid’s way of paying it forward so that even more kids can have similar opportunities.

“I love sharing my story to inspire other kids to PERSEVERE, STAY STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP while also raising money for my amazing doctors and researchers to help other kids like me.”

Reid remembers the joy felt bouncing on his father’s shoulder and hearing the crowd cheer during his first Cycle for Survival ride. As he can attest, each fundraising event feels more like a party, with plenty of dancing, singing and celebrating.

Hoping to spread more of that positivity, Reid and his family started the Cycle for Survival team, Reid’s Wolfpack, which has raised close to $750,000 over the past eight years. All that money goes directly to Reid’s Neuro-Oncology team at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

In addition to cheering on participants and raising good vibes at Cycle for Survival events, Reid even designs some pretty epic looking merch—like basketball shorts, jerseys, and hoodies—to help raise money.

If you’re looking to help kids just like Reid, and have a ton of fun doing it, you’re in luck. Cycle for Survival events are held at Equinox locations nationwide, and welcome experienced riders and complete newbies alike. You can even join Reid and his Wolfpack in select cities!

And if cycling in any form isn’t your thing, a little donation really does go a long way.

Together, let’s help fuel the next big breakthrough in cancer research. Find out more information by checking out cycleforsurvival.org or filling out this interest form.

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Joy

They thought their son lived an isolated life. But when he died, friends showed up in droves.

Mats Steen's parents were shocked to learn their severely disabled son had lived a rich, independent life they knew nothing about.

Netflix/YouTube

Mats Steen lived a secret life that his family only discovered after he died.

Mats Steen was only 25 years old when he passed away, his body succumbing to the genetic disease that had slowly taken his mobility since childhood. He'd lived in a wheelchair since his early teens, and by his 20s, his physical abilities had deteriorated to the point of only being able to move his fingers. He could push buttons and use a mouse, and he spent nearly all of his waking hours playing video games in his parents' basement.

His family loved him and cared for him through it all, giving him as much of a normal life as they could. But they also lamented everything they knew he'd missed out on. "Our deepest sorrow lay in the fact that he would never experience friendships, love, or to make a difference in people's lives," Mats' father shares.

Mats left behind the password to a blog he kept. Not knowing if anyone would actually read it, his parents published the news of Mats' passing in a blog post, adding their email address in case anyone wanted to reach out.

Much to their surprise, messages began pouring in from around the world—not just with condolences, but with heartfelt stories from people who called Mats their friend.

The Steens soon discovered that their son had lived a much fuller life than they'd ever imagined—one that included all the things they always wished for him.

As his online life was revealed, the family learned that Mats began his days with a routine 30-minute sprint through the forest. He frequented cafes and pubs, chatting with strangers and flirting with women. He sat by campfires having heart-to-heart conversations. He made friends and enemies. He fought heroic battles. He supported people in times of need. He gave advice that people took. He experienced his first kiss.

And he did it all as "Ibelin," his handsome, muscular avatar in the online game World of Warcraft.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Mats' life is showcased in the documentary, "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin," in which his parents share the story of how they discovered their son's group of friends they didn't know he had.

People who've never played an open world roleplay game like World of Warcraft may wonder how real community can be built through it, but Mats' story proves it's possible. The friends he made through the game have shared the real influence he'd had on their real lives, from helping them with problems they were facing to empowering them to make positive changes in their relationships.

Though he never met them face-to-face, Mats' online friends say he made a significant impact on them.

A young woman Ibelin had connected with as a teenager—the one with whom he'd shared that first virtual kiss—shared that her parents had taken away her computer when they feared gaming was interfering with her studies. When she logged on at a local library, Mats gave her a letter he had written to give to her parents, encouraging them to talk with her about her gaming hobby and to work out a solution together that didn't require her to give it up completely. She printed it and gave it to them. Miraculously, it worked.

Another woman had been having a hard time connecting with her autistic son as a young adult. When she talked with Ibelin about her struggles, he suggested that she and her son start gaming together and connect in that way first. Eventually, that connection via the virtual world led to warmer in-person interactions between them—and a life-changing shift in their relationship.

"I don't think he was aware of the impact that he had done to a lot of people," the mother shared.

Mats interacted with the same online friends as Ibelin for years, going through the kinds of ups and downs all real friendships experience. He kept his physical condition a secret until close to the end of his life, when he finally opened up to another player who convinced him to share his reality with the others. Some traveled from other countries to attend his funeral, with one of them speaking on the group's behalf and a few of them serving as pallbearers. Those who knew Ibelin also held a memorial in-game at his virtual gravesite—a tradition that has spread beyond just his own guild.

Typically, we think of someone escaping the real world and spending hours a day playing video games as unhealthy, but for Mats, it was a lifeline. As Ibelin, Mats was able to have a level of independence and a rich social life that simply wasn't possible for him in the offline world—an uniquely modern phenomenon that technology and human creativity have made possible.

Mats' impact on his online community was real, and 10 years after his passing his impact is spreading even further.

Duchenne muscular dystrophy, the genetic disease that Mats lived with and ultimately died from, affects 300,000 boys worldwide. It only affects males and it has no cure. But CureDuchenne, a global nonprofit dedicated to funding and finding a cure, has partnered with Blizzard and World of Warcraft in Mats' honor. From now until January 7, 2025, World of Warcraft players can purchase a limited-edition pet fox named Reven ("fox" in Norwegian). The Reven Pack, which includes a transmog backpack and Reven’s Comfy Carrier, costs $20, with 100% of the purchase price being donated to CureDuchenne.

The Reven Pack on World of Warcraft—100% of purchase cost goes to the CureDuchenne foundation.World of Warcraft/CureDuchenne

“Mats Steen lived a life in World of Warcraft that he couldn’t in the real world as he fought Duchenne muscular dystrophy alongside his incredible family, who I’m proud to have met and fallen in love with,”said Holly Longdale, executive producer of World of Warcraft. “Working with CureDuchenne for our Charity Pet Program, in honor of Mats’ memory, allows us to harness the power of our phenomenal global community to bring meaningful impact to so many lives.”

You can learn more about Mats' story in the award-winning documentary, "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin," on Netflix and learn more about the CureDuchenne fundraising initiative with World of Warcraft here.

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Joy

'Most mysterious song on the internet' finally solved after 17 years—the band had no idea

Internet detectives help reunite the band 40 years after their mystery tune was created.

Photo credit: Canva

It all started with a cassette tape back in 1984.

Who doesn't love a good solved mystery story?

For 17 years, internet sleuths have tried to uncover the origins of a catchy New Wave tune that played on an unknown radio station and was transferred onto a cassette tape by a brother and sister in Germany sometime in the 1980s.

As the well documented story goes, most of the songs on this mixed tape were solved within a couple of days since many radio DJs tend to play their favorite songs multiple times.

One song, however, remained an enigma. In 2007, the sister, aka u/bluuely on Reddit, shared snippets of it to the online forum to outsource some research. Little did she know the subreddit dedicated to "The Mysterious Song" would amass nearly 60,000 members. Even with a cult-like following online and a full length version of the tune eventually procured, the trail ran cold for many years.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Interest ignited again in 2019, when Rolling Stone covered the story and Youtuber Justin Whang uploaded a video titled "The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet - Tales From the Internet ,” both of which thrust the search out of the dark corner of Reddit and into the mainstream.

Cut to 2024, when u/marijn1412 shares his big breakthrough: the song is titled "Subways of Your Mind,” by a band called FEX.

u/marijn1412 explained that they came across their lead after looking through old newspaper archives. They spotted an 1984 article about FEX where the band described their music as “rock with wave and pop influences.” Sound familiar?


Comment
byu/marijn1412 from discussion
inTheMysteriousSong


u/marijn1412 reached out to one of the band members, who had since joined a different band, and asked if he had any old materials from his FEX days. u/marijn1412 got what they asked for, and along with it the answer to a decades-long puzzle.

u/marijn1412 also had the pleasure of informing the former FEX member, identified by CNN as Haedrich, just how famous this lost song was. Shocked, Haedrich spoke with his FEX bandmates, and they unanimously agreed to let a new recording of the song, along with its long lost title, be shared. After they picked their jaw up off the floor, that is.

Now that the song origins have been found, interest in FEX has surged, with people sharing other FEX songs, logos, even ideas for merch. Forty years later, this band has a bona fide fan club—an internet mystery turned wholesome moment.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

A little less than a year ago, internet detectives uncovered the truth behind another mysterious song, this one from a fan favorite episode of The X Files. When the popular song finding app Shazaam failed to offer a song title, a woman sought the help of other X-Files aficionados to help find it, which became a viral online saga. Eventually the composer was found, who not only told the forgotten story of creating a tune “that would fit both an alien and a human being”, but re-recorded a new version of it for fans to enjoy.

In a time when just about everything created is instantly traceable, pieces of lost media feel fascinating and foreign. And we become modern day anthropologists working to unravel their origins. Whenever we succeed, it’s a palpable win that reminds us of what’s possible when people are together…and that you never truly know when something you create will find its time to shine.

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Culture

People from other countries share 14 'obvious' signs that someone is an American

"Americans lean on anything they can while standing around…"

via zoetnet/Flickr, Ewen Roberts/Flickr and Tom Hodgkinson/Flickr

Some American tourists enjoying the sights

Americans have a style and personality all their own, which isn’t a bad thing. It’s just noticeable when they travel aboard. Americans often stand out because of their outgoing personalities. They are friendly and enjoy having casual conversations with strangers.

This is an endearing trait to a lot of people in more reserved cultures, although it can also come off as a little brash.

An American characteristic that isn’t quite endearing to people in other countries is that they can be rather loud. In Europe, one can always notice the Americans in the restaurant because they can be heard from across the room.

A Reddit user named Frosty-Ad3575 wanted to know the specific ways that Americans stand out when traveling abroad, so they asked the AskReddit subforum: “What’s an obvious sign that someone is an American?”

The post was popular, receiving nearly 6,000 responses in just 6 days. The most popular ones described how Americans' unique personalities, style of dress, dental hygiene and body language make them easy to spot.

Here are 14 “obvious” signs that someone is an American.

1. Posture

"Apparently, the CIA trains American agents to not lean on things if they go undercover in foreign countries because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around." — Clown1998

"I bet MI6 trains British agents to lean on everything if they go undercover in America because Americans lean on anything they can while standing around." — KingoftheMongoose

2. The date

"MMDDYYYY." — LowRevolution6175

3. Distances are different

"Anything under 4 hours is 'close by.'" — Grey-Canary

"Everything in Europe is around the corner if you're from the US. I can drive the whole day and not leave my state, but in Europe, I can pass through 4 countries in that same time frame." — JayHitter

4. They're polite to servers

"In the touristy cafe-restaurant I worked at:

If they asked me for the nicest spot we had

If they asked me my recommendation without seeing the menu first

I would walk to the table, and they would say right away ‘hey, how are you doing?’ This one threw me off a lot at first. Why is this person asking me how I'm doing?? I'm just there to take the order. I got used to it, and I think they found my awkwardness cute.

They would ask my name when I greeted them and took their order.

I'm Northern European." — Muc_99

"It’s under-appreciated just how polite, friendly, and sincere Americans are in general. It blew my mind the first time I came to the US, and I love that my children are growing up with those same values." — Irishweather5000


5. The water bottles

"I was told, 'Americans carry water bottles around like they're worried they'll never have access to clean water ever again.'" — Kosher_Dill

"I don't care what anyone says. If you think carrying a water bottle when walking a lot is weird, you're probably slightly dehydrated all the time and are just desensitized to it. You seriously need to drink water frequently if you want to be ideally healthy." — Tan11

6. Smiling

"I was in Germany this past summer, and I realized smiling at everyone you make eye contact with is very American. When I went to London on the same trip, they seemed less weirded out by it but would awkwardly return the smile. I was taught to always start with a disarming smile. Never realized it was American." — 12ozFitz

7. "More ice, please."

"I spent a year in Europe completely iceless to the point I forgot that was a thing. I stopped at a bar in Chicago fresh off the plane and not only did I get free tap water, but water with ice. I instantly felt at home." — Outside-Crezz8119

8. Personal space

"As an American man, I’ve been told repeatedly by European and Asian friends that we simply take up space (not by being fat) as though we’re entitled to it. Men in other countries apparently don’t claim the same personal space we do." — Potomacan

9. White teeth

"It’s even more bizarre that they assume we have braces or bleach our teeth because they’re straight and white. I have naturally straight white teeth. I brush them twice a day so they stay white. I don’t do anything special to them, but I remember being in London and some similar-aged students literally making fun of me for my teeth… it’s true that they don’t naturally look like headstones in an ancient graveyard, but there’s no need to make fun." — DPretilloZbornak

10. Casual dress

"My friend went to Germany recently, and what people said about Americans is you can spot them a mile away because they’re the ones wearing pajamas in public. Apparently, in other countries, at least Germany, they dress a little more formally and in less baggy clothes than we do in America." — MarcusWahlbezius

11. Baseball hats

"Baseball cap... even on an infant riding in a pram." — SyntheticOne

12. Shoes

"Americans are shoe snobs (they don’t think they are, but they are). Setting aside wealthier business types, Americans generally wear more on-brand, on-trend, high-quality shoes than others." — Mouflony

13. They're loud

"That was my first thought. Americans yell at each other in normal conversation in public. I noticed it years ago in Europe, and now I can’t stand it in the US." — SucccotashOther277

14. Occupation matters

"Immediately asking someone what they do for a living when meeting them. Our jobs and work are our entire identity." — Bealzu

"I hate that about American culture. I'm an American and recently became a SAHM, so I don't have an answer to 'What do you do for a living?' Half the time, I add the caveat, ‘Oh, my last job was with Apple,’ so that I'm not written off as an unemployed ‘loser.’ But it really is dumb to determine a person's worth by what they do in order to afford food and shelter." — WassupSassySasquatch


This article originally appeared in January.

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Man teaching people in other countries how to dance online is the perfect mood booster

"This is exactly what we need."

Photo credit: Canva

Man unites people by teaching men in other countries American dances

Dancing is one of those things that comes easier to some people than it does to others. Having no rhythm seems to be a lot like being tone deaf: no matter how hard you try it takes a herculean amount of effort just to get it remotely close to what you're trying to replicate. But some people have rhythm and are simply untrained on how to use it which is when dance teachers or tutorials come in handy.

When TikTok was first developed, it was mainly an app where people made dancing trends and tutorials. You can still find dance videos on the app but it's mostly been taken over with skits, life advice, politics, trad wife content and more. But recently a content creator named Ace has been delighting people with random live videos of him teaching people from different parts of the world how to dance.

It's unclear how or when it started since it looks like someone came across the live and decided to screen record it. Ace uploads the screen recordings onto his platform putting them all in one place. It is truly like watching a impromptu dance class because clearly some of the dancers are repeat attendees based on their interactions. The "classes" seem to be full of men from countries that don't speak English so the communication is a little spotty at times but they make it work.

man jumping on the middle of the street during daytime Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

In one video Ace is teaching them how to do the "superman" from Soulja Boy's song "Crank That." It starts off a little rocky as Ace speaks loudly trying to convey the five men need to copy his moves.

"Listen, follow me. What I do, you do. Got it? No own moves. Do not bring your own moves up here. I need you being precise" Ace shouts just before the music begins to play again.

That's when one of the men seems to have a bit of a personal issue happening with his backside that the TikTok dance instructor has to tell him to leave alone. The entire interaction is comical but wholesome. The men appear to be really invested in learning this dance

@thefvmousace I HAD TO TAKE EM BACK REAL QUICK😂 #trending #jokess #stream #fypシ #explorepage✨ ♬ original sound - Ace ♠️

In another video, Ace teaches a different group of men how to do Jackson 5's "ABC" dance. Of course the communication barrier had the instructor a little stressed. One man named Babar struggled to understand what Ace was asking him to do but eventually got it so the class could resume. People cannot get enough of these videos as they provide a form of escapism from stress.

One person asks, "Is the world…. Healing ?!???"

Another shares, "This is exactly what we need."

@thefvmousace Babar had me stressed 😂😂😂😂#jokes #streaming #trending #fypシ ♬ original sound - Ace ♠️

"TikTok gotta be the only place where u see America happy," someone else surmises.

"TikTok is a real view into the world usually. The news would have you believe we're in an apocalypse. Irl, most people are chilling," another person chimes in.

While Ace's dance classes won't actually bring world peace, it's certainly a nice break from the current stressors people are feeling. Besides, who doesn't like a little dance break?

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Science

Turns out, "for better or for worse" is real, your spouse's moods can be contagious

From finances to daily routines, couples in different cultures share “emotional interdependence.”

via Unsplash
A married couple going to sleep.

The old adage, "Happy wife, happy life" is now backed by science, and though the rhyme doesn't work, the opposite is also true. According to new research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the well-being of married couples is deeply intertwined, with spouses influencing each other’s happiness, life satisfaction, and even emotional states over time. Intriguingly, this phenomenon seems to be universal across different cultures. Whether you’re in the United States or Japan, your partner’s mood shapes your own.

via GIPHY

Researchers led by Ryosuke Asano from Kurume University explored how couples in both the U.S. and Japan affect each other’s well-being through two main pathways: mutual influence (how one partner’s mood directly impacts the other) and shared environments (like household responsibilities, finances, and social circles). In other words, the ups and downs in one spouse’s life can reflect in their partner’s well-being, making married life a shared emotional roller coaster.

Well-being and “spousal interdependencies”

The concept of “spousal interdependencies” was first explored in American studies, but Asano and his team wanted to see if this pattern held in Japan as well. “I have been interested in close relationships and well-being throughout my career,” Asano shared. Inspired by a 2018 study on American couples, he wanted to find out if these “spousal interdependencies” transcended cultural boundaries.

via GIPHY

To investigate, the researchers gathered data from over 3,000 American couples aged 26 to 96 and more than 2,300 Japanese couples aged 24 to 76, surveying them at several points over time. They measured each person’s life satisfaction, emotional ups and downs, and even symptoms of depression, tracking how these factors played out in their relationships. Their goal? To see if the emotional link between partners in the U.S. would hold true in Japan, where marriage traditions and social norms differ.

Cultural similarities in the ups and downs of marriage

The study revealed something surprising: although American and Japanese cultures have different views on marriage, their couples still experienced similar “well-being interdependence.” Whether it’s financial pressures or day-to-day joys, couples in both countries showed nearly identical levels of mutual influence and shared environmental effects.

via GIPHY

One aspect that might seem surprising is just how similar the results were for couples in such different cultural contexts. Asano noted, “Estimates for spousal interdependencies in well-being…are of very similar magnitude for Americans and Japanese.” This means that while cultural nuances around marriage vary, the way spouses impact each other emotionally is nearly universal.

Boost your partner's mood and feel the benefits together

Since you're emotionally tied to your better half, making them happier can often be the quickest path to boosting your own mood. Consider these small but impactful gestures to lift your partner’s spirits and, by extension, brighten your own. Consider them tips for a bit of selfish selflessness.

Incorporating these practices into your daily life can enhance your partner’s happiness, fostering a more joyful and fulfilling relationship for both of you.

Takeaway: marriage really does mean "for better or worse"

While we often think of marriage as a partnership, this study shows just how intertwined partners’ emotional lives can become. When you’re married, it’s not just your own highs and lows you’re riding—it’s your spouse’s too. This research affirms that in both the U.S. and Japan, when one spouse feels a positive (or negative) shift in well-being, it’s likely to ripple across to their partner.

via GIPHY

In the end, the old saying might be truer than we realized. Marriage really does mean sticking together through thick and thin—literally sharing not just a life, but a mindset and mood. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, it turns out you’re in this together in more ways than one.

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