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The keys to a good, long-lasting marriage, according to happy older couples

Couples married for 25 to 57 years share the wisdom they've gleaned about happy relationships.

older couple cuddling, man kissing woman's forehead
Photo by Gustavo Fring/Pexels

What makes some relationships work so well for so long?

No one goes into their wedding day thinking that their marriage won't last, but as we all know, "happily" doesn't always mean "ever after." Some marriages start off strong and fizzle out over time. Some people choose the wrong partner to begin with and end up divorcing. Some go through major life upheavals that they aren't able to overcome as a pair.

But some couples live the dream, not only staying together for the long haul but truly living happily ever after. That's not to say they don't have their share of challenges or that their relationships are perfect, but long-term, happy marriages really do exist.

People often want to know what the "secret" is to a good marriage that lasts. What is it that these couples do or don't do to stay together for life in marital bliss?

Researchers like John Gottman have formally studied and analyzed relationships, sharing key elements that can make or break a marriage. But it's also good to go straight to the source—couples who are still married and happy decades after tying the knot—to hear what they have to say. Every individual and every couple are unique, of course, but when you hear similar things from happy old couples over and over again, it's a pretty safe bet that their wisdom is sound.

The AskOldPeople Reddit page has fielded various versions of the question, "What's the secret to a long and happy marriage?" several times. Here are some answers from people who've been married between 25 and 52 years:

"Marry someone who has the same basic values. Hobbies, interests and style will match over a while. Cleanliness, greed, jealousy, pettiness, ... will never change. This is character. So don`t believe that you can train this. You have to find a partner that matches with your core values. Family, friends, lifestyle." – 32 years

"Marry someone you really, really like. Because if you’re doing life together, you’re going to go through a lot of shit. So much shit, y’all. You’ve got to have a partner who you genuinely love seeing walk into the room at least 90% of the time. It’s been 32 years and I still smile when my partner shows up." – 32 years

"The three main ingredients to me are Love, Respect and Commitment. if any one of the three are missing, yer screwed." – 47 years

"Don’t let the small things bother you. Everyone has moods, but don’t take it personally. When we were first married I used to try and get my husband to talk through everything. I finally learned to just let him be for a while. In time, he’d usually come around and talk things through. Sometimes he wouldn’t, but that was okay. Be respectful, admit when you’re wrong, and be there for each other. Also, have outings with your friends alone and together. Everyone needs and deserves time to be with their friends. Divide up household chores (this is one area we still have issues with) and realize, at times, you may have to do more and vise versa." – 36 years

"We met when we were 16 and married 6 years later. During that time we got to know each other very well and agreed on common values by the time we got married. I have to say, we've never had a conflict on finances, religion, raising of children, education or any other major topic that surfaces during marriage. I trust my wife in every way as she does me. It seems to have worked for us." – 50 years

"Marry someone you both like and love. Make sure they feel the same about you. Respect, understanding, good communication are also key. Common life goals and values are a must. Make sure you have fun!" – 25 years

"Shared values, (shared faith helps), respect for each other in all things. We may not always agree on everything, but we have great respect for each other. Avoid criticism and blaming. If a serious issue has been talked out and settled, leave it in the past. Don't throw it back up at someone months or years later. Communicate, don't harbor resentments. If something is an issue, address it head on and negotiate a mutually agreed upon solution. Have a plan about finances. We do not make major financial decisions without consulting the other…And we make each other laugh, we have fun together. if you aren't laughing and having fun together, then you need to figure out why and fix that immediately. marriage is work, but its also fun, rewarding, exciting, fulfilling, and sexy!" – 44 years

"Luck in picking a decent guy at age 19 and then a lot of patience that we'd make it through the tougher times. But really it comes down to being a couple of decent human beings. It also helps a lot to be financially secure and not to have any major crises (mental illness, severely disabled child, addiction, etc) thrown at you. I'm a big fan of the the Gottmans who have done a lot of research on what makes marriages last or fail. Contempt is a killer. Actively paying attention to each other is good. And this sounds bad, but it's sort of like what makes Finland the happiest country--reasonable expectations. If you're looking for something out of a Disney fairy tale or some celebrity couple's curated IG stream every day you're bound to be disappointed. But a solid relationship where you both support each other through the ups and downs of life is a great thing." – 52 years

"— Choose wisely. Choose someone who has the same, or at least compatible, attitudes towards sex, money, religion, raising kids, and so on.

— Have the attitude that your marriage is more important than the wants or desires of either partner.

— Never assume that you know what your spouse is thinking or that they know what you are thinking. The roughest patches in our marriage occurred when one or both of us thought that our concerns were so screamingly obvious that only malice could explain the other’s failure to address those concerns. In reality, they weren’t even on the other’s radar and they weren’t really that obvious.

— Trust your partner and give them the benefit of the doubt unless you have concrete evidence that they have broken your trust. If you are worried, say something but do it in a non-accusatory manner." – 37 years

"There isn't one secret, but there are many components. The most important one is to choose your partner well for reasons that are deep and relatively permanent rather than shallow and fleeting. I chose my husband because he was authentic, honest, intelligent, fun, communicative, loving, and emotionally balanced. He was comfortable with who he was in a non-arrogant way and had no pretense.

The second is having the ability to compromise when it's important without suppressing your needs when they are important. You sometimes have to sacrifice what makes you comfortable for what is best for your future. That goes for both people. If one person is making all of the compromises, then it's going to create big problems.

In the long run, one of the more important things is that you both keep growing and improving as people together. You should be bringing out the best in each other. Couples that bring out the worst in each other will live in increasing misery. Part of doing this is recognizing when you've messed up and being able to apologize and try hard to be better." – 35 years

"The BFF aspect is real, in two senses. We are each other's closest confidant, but the connection is between two independent people, each with our own careers, interests, and circles of same sex friends, my bros and her galpals.

Neither of us has stopped growing. We were kids when we started. We have each changed enormously over this many years. It takes nonstop work, communication, and commitment to grow together rather than apart.

As our marriage has matured, we have built a supporting infrastructure of financial stability and kinship connections with grown kids, their spouses, and now grandkids that are becoming adults. In a way, we're not just a couple anymore, we're the center of a whole institution." – 57 years

Every relationship works differently, but shared values, love, respect, communication, trust, patience, compromise and choosing wisely to begin with seems to be key factors in having a relationship that not only lasts, but lasts happily. Even if you haven't experienced it yourself, it's heartening to know that happily ever after really is possible.

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Culture

Young female artist has sold $7 million worth of paintings before she was even 14-years-old

You can see her talent in her very first painting.

Autumn de Forest

Autumn de Forest stands before a sign with her name on it

When Autumn de Forest was 5, she picked up a paintbrush for the first time. It wasn't long before she was ready to show the world what she could do.

After a year of practice, the then-6-year-old asked her father if he could get her a booth at a local art-in-the-park program. "People would come up to the booth, and they would talk to my father, and they'd say, 'This is great!'" she said. "Apparently they thought it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day."

Almost everyone thought the artwork was her father's. And when they found out that tiny Autumn was the artist, people couldn't believe their eyes.


art, kids, art genius, kid genius Autumn created this piece when she was just 5 years old. Autumn de Forest

Soon, Autumn rose to national fame.

When Autumn was 8, she was featured on the Discovery Health Channel. There was a slew of media attention in the years that followed. There was Disney. There was The Today Show. There was Wendy Williams. She was called a child genius, a prodigy, and an expert painter.


autumn deforest, art, kids, paintingSoon, Autumn rose to national fame.Autumn Deforest


Suddenly, Autumn de Forest was everywhere.

But not everyone was so accepting of the young artist and her work. Some people in the art world had ... questions. Sure, she was good for a kid. But was her art actually good? Others wondered if the whole thing might be an elaborate hoax.

Autumn decided not to listen.

By 14 she developed a startlingly organized daily routine that went far beyond a 9 to 5.

Somehow, as the focus on her age begins to wear off, Autumn's work ethic and art only grow stronger. She said that most days, she'd wake up in her parents' Las Vegas home at 7:30 a.m. After breakfast, she'd break out her supplies for a one- or two-hour painting session. From there, she dove into her school work. Most brick-and-mortar schools can't accommodate her travel schedule, so she did the majority of her schooling online.

Before dinner, it's back into the studio.

"That session can last much longer, that can be three or four hours when I really get into it," she said. "Then I probably have dinner and go to bed."

kids, painting, artistic genius, paintings, kid artists Autumn de Forest paints Autumn de Forest


The results? They speak for themselves.

Autumn de Forest, painting, art, kids, prodigy An Autumn de Forest painting Autumn de Forest

Her work has been displayed in galleries and exhibitions all over the world.

Autumn held a public demonstration before a showing at The Butler Institute of American Art.

Autumn de Forest, painting, kids, artAn Autumn de Forest painting Autumn de Forest

In 2015, Autumn received the International Giuseppe Sciacca Award in Painting and Art.

The award took her to the Vatican for a private showing of her artwork with the pope.


She's also worked with the President's Committee on the Arts and the Humanities, headed up by former First Lady Michelle Obama.

Autumn de Forest, the Pope, Pope Francis, painting, artAutumn de Forest stands with the Pope who looks at one of her paintings Autumn de Forest

As part of the program, de Forest traveled to underprivileged schools around the country and led painting workshops. Oh, and if you're looking for some hard numbers to attach to Autumn's talent, she's got those, too.

Her paintings raked in over $7 million at auctions by the time she was a teenager — fetching as much as $25,000 each — much of which has gone directly to charities and disaster relief funds.


At 23-years-old now, what's Autumn de Forest up to lately?

Autumn de Forest, painting, art, kidsAutumn de Forest works with other young painters Autumn de Forest

A lot!

The transition from child prodigy to respected artist has kept her busy.

In 2017, the Monthaven Arts and Cultural Center in Hendersonville, Tennessee hosted a major solo exhibition for de Forest titled "Her White Room: The Art of Autumn de Forest."

That same year, de Forest was listed as one of Teen Vogue's "21 Under 21." In her profile she was praised for her talent as well as her commitment to art education.

"In dis­advantaged schools, they consider the arts an extracur­ricular activity," she told Teen Vogue. "It's devastating, as there could be child prodigies in these schools, but they don't know that they have this God-­given gift because they're not given the opportunity because there's nearly no art programs in schools."

In 2018, de Forest was featured in the music video for the song "Youth" by best-selling recording artists Shawn Mendes and Khalid. The video highlights exceptional young people working to change the world, including de Forest, Emma González, and Elias and Zion Phoenix.

The video has over 17 million plays on YouTube.

And of course, Autumn continues to share her absolutely incredible artwork on Instagram and in shows and exhibitions around the globe.

The Autumn de Forest Foundation, helps her keep track of the kids she's met throughout the years and to continue to help them with their art careers.

A portion of the foundation's money goes to a 529 account set up for the students while 10% goes to them directly.

"A lot of these kids that I work with, they're not very old, they're in second grade, third grade, fourth grade. Maybe in 10 years, they may only have four or five thousand dollars but that could be the difference between them going to college or not," Autumn told Teen Vogue.

Autumn's incredible rise in the art world is an astonishing feat for someone who's still in her teens. But that accomplishment is easily matched by her generosity and commitment to helping develop tomorrow's prodigies as well.

For more information, visit the Autumn de Forest Foundation.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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Modern Families

13 ‘old-school’ parenting ideas people say just what today's kids need

A lot of "bad" ideas are turning out to be quite good.

via Jim Forest/Flickr

A dad has had it with his crying son.

There are as many different parenting styles as there are children. But in 2025, there is a conflict between newer, softer parenting styles and older, tough-love approaches. Softer parenting styles that have come into favor in recent years tend to encourage emotional intelligence, gentle discipline, and open communication.

On the other hand, older, tough-love parenting encourages risk-taking, natural consequences and discipline. One of the most controversial parenting styles that has emerged over the last generation or two is helicopter parenting. In this style, parents closely monitor and control most aspects of the child’s life. While it’s done out of an abundance of concern, it can also limit the child's independence.

A Redditor named NumanLover asked parents to share their parenting strategies that may be considered” bad” by today’s helicopter parents. They received over 1,300 responses. Many resisted the idea that parents should control their children's lives and shared strategies that encouraged independence and perseverance. The “bad” parenting ideas urged parents to let their children grow in confidence by spending time alone and unsupervised.

family, family values, parenting, old-school parenting, discipline, 1950s, good parentingA man lifts a couch with his wife on it while vacuumingImage via Canva

They also reminded parents that it’s OK to ignore a tantrum, even if it is in a packed restaurant.

Here are 13 of the best answers to: What is considered bad parenting but it's actually good parenting?

1. Giving your kids space

"Giving your kids enough space to fail and then try to figure it out on their own. I see a lot of parents solving their children’s problems without giving them a chance to find their own solution."

"Consequences are the best teachers for some lessons. Barring significant issues, if you don't do your schoolwork or hand it in late you get lower grades. If you show up late to work too many times you may get reamed out by your boss and fired. If you decide to say something careless and cruel you may lose a friendship and the respect of others. Support them through it so they can learn and improve, yes. Shelter them and try to get them out of it, no."


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

2. Let them be alone

"Leaving your kids alone for age-appropriate periods of time. At some point, kids have to learn to entertain themselves or to be responsible for their own meals, depending on how old they are. Which is why the key part of that statement was 'age-appropriate.' And I suppose it depends on how safe your neighbourhood is, too."

"A lot of parents are too helicopter-y today. I also went where I wanted as a kid as long as I came back when I was supposed to. I think it’s social media getting into parents head with anxieties about what could happen."


parenting, modern parenting, kids, chores, family, old-school parenting, family values, raising kidsA mom watches her two children doing choresImage via Canva

3. Give them chores

"Making your kids help with chores from an early age This is just teaching good habits and skills. When I grew up we had a rule in my house. The person who cooks don't have to do dishes. If you didn't set the table and didn't cook. You had to wash dishes. And ironically because of that I became a really good cook because I HATED doing dishes. So I learned how to cook everything."


parenting, modern parenting, old-school, raising kids, kids, children Two kids fight over a basketballImage via Canva

4. Allow them to experience conflict

"Allowing kids to experience discomfort and situations of conflict and confrontation so they can develop the necessary skills to process and navigate said conflict, and with your guidance before and correction after - learn to compromise when necessary and resolve conflicts effectively."

"Similarly: a lot of parents think it's bad to argue in front of your children. When you argue in front of your kids, you're teaching them that sometimes people disagree on things. When you resolve the argument, you're demonstrating conflict resolution."


kids, playing, parenting, free range parenting, modern families, old-school parenting, parenting adviceA young girl climbs on a playground ladderImage via Canva

5. Encourage risky play

"Letting kids engage in age-appropriate risky play. Trying to protect them from everything is bad parenting. Let them climb, run, jump, dig, throw, etc. They’ll become more specially aware, aware of their body, physically literate, and more active."


parenting, modern parenting, family, old-school parenting, tough love, kids, kids crying A young child cryingImage via Canva

6. Let them cry

"Letting them feel emotions helps them learn how to regulate them."

"Teaching them self-soothing skills, a little bit at a time, is also essential. but they do need to learn emotional regulation!"

7. Ignore the tantrum

"As long as they aren’t hurting themselves, someone else, or destroying things, the best thing is to let them tire themselves out. Parents cave in way too often, and it teaches the kid, 'Oh, Mom and Dad will give me this thing I want; I just need to do this long enough,' leading to more and more tantrums. Operant conditioning done inadvertently is difficult to undo."

"The trick is to do the opposite of rewarding the kid throwing the tantrum. Growing up, I behaved well because I quickly learned that if I was acting up in a restaurant, we would leave the restaurant immediately, and we did. It only took a few times of doing that to make it clear there was no upside to throwing a fit, only downsides. That tasty treat you wanted, the chicken nuggets and chocolate milkshake? Nope. You threw a fit; everyone's going home. No nuggs and milkshake for you."


parenting, modern parenting, discipline, family, old-school parenting, family values A mother explains the situation to her childImage via Canva

8. Logical consequences

"Refuse to put on your coat to go to the playground? Then either we don’t go to the playground or we go and you get to be cold enough to be miserable while your warm siblings are running around playing."

"Dr. Becky just had a really good episode on her podcast about this. We need to let kids experience the arc of their decisions when it’s safe to do so."


teachers, parenting, kids, school, family, modern families, old-school parenting, family valuesa mom talks with her son's teacherImage via Canva

9. Side with the teacher

"Your child is being a little sh*t. Yes, they are 6 years old, and yes, 6 year olds are talkative. But there are 30 other 6-year-olds in the classroom, and if the teacher needs to come to and tell you your child is talkative and being disruptive, do something about it."


parenting, family, modern parenting, parenting advice, modern families, old-school parentingA couple walks along the oceanImage via Canva

10. Prioritize yourself

"For parents, it's actually good to NOT make your kids the highest priority ALL THE TIME - to consciously plan and take the effort and time to prioritize your partner and yourself regularly. A happy, healthy relationship between parents is worth so much more than the occasional bouts of inconvenience/missing the parents/whatever opportunity cost these times have to kids."

"If you're feeling overwhelmed as a parent, it's GOOD to leave the kids to their own devices for an appropriate length of time, maybe even in front of the TV or whatever distracts them, while you take time out to recharge."

11. You aren't your child's friend

"So many people think you need to be friends with your kid, but you're not a friend, you're a parent. Even if your kid hates you, even if you get screamed at, you NEED to teach them the right lessons in life. Cos, guess what, kids won't always love what you say. And what they love is sometimes not what they should love. Being a parent isn't a matter of your child loving you, it's a matter of making sure they're ready for life and praying to any and all gods and demons that may or may not exist that they turn out a decent human being."


parenting, family, modern parenting, old-school family, kids and smart phones, internet, social media, protecting kidsA mom takes away her daughter's phoneImage via Canva

12. Keep them offline

"Not letting a small child have an iPad / phone / any access to the internet. This is somehow seen as something really strict / no fun parenting. The parents who don't allow internet are actually great, the internet isn't a nice place for a child to explore."

"I always want to ask 'why' or 'what do you think that’s doing for them?' I’m pretty sure most of these parents just didn’t want children and they just want to offload that time to the tablet and call it a day. There are definitely times when I feel that way too, but it’s just no way to raise a child every day."

13. Spanking your child is wrong

"A bunch of people justifying physically abusing children under the guise of 'discipline'"

"It’s funny because they are objectively wrong. The only thing it does is show you child (by example) that violence is the way to deal with problems."


This article originally appeared last year.

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Humor

Artist gives 6 of Disney's most beloved characters a modern twist  to explain today's world

"I thought transporting them to our modern world could help us see it through new eyes."

via Tom Ward / Instagram

Classic Disney characters reimagined for modern times

Artist Tom Ward has used his incredible illustration techniques to give us some new perspective on modern life through popular Disney characters. "Disney characters are so iconic that I thought transporting them to our modern world could help us see it through new eyes," he told The Metro.

Tom says he wanted to bring to life "the times we live in and communicate topical issues in a relatable way."

In Ward's "Alt Disney" series, Prince Charming and Pinocchio have fallen victim to smart phone addiction. Ariel is living in a polluted ocean, and Simba and Baloo have been abused by humans.

Not all the news is bad though. LeFou form "Beauty and the Beast" has finally come out of the closet and his crush, Gaston, appears to be pretty accepting of the revelation.

Although, was it really such a shock?

Ward believes that his illustration of Artur from "Sword and the Stone makes" a particularly strong point. "I also think the message of Arthur from The Sword in the Stone sitting on his phone has some resonance today," he said. "He's too engrossed in his phone to experience other opportunities and realize his true potential in life."

You can see more of Ward's work on Instagram.

This article originally appeared eight years ago.

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LQBTQIA+

Elderly Wisconsin man shows up to support anti-trans bill and ends up apologizing instead

“When I came here my eyes were opened.”

Photo credit: Canva

Elderly Wisconsin man supporting anti-trans bill apologizes

There have been a lot of anti-trans bills being presented on the state and federal levels in recent years. Many of the bills are being presented as a way to protect girls and women from trans people in sports and public restrooms. The proposed legislative changes often play off the fear of the unknown and heighten the perceived risk to biological females.

The ongoing politicization of gender has resulted in a major shift in public sentiment. Recent research from Pew shows that support for transgender protections has dropped 8 points since 2022, with an equal 8 percent rise in the number of Americans who believe there should be laws that require athletes to compete on teams that match their sex at birth (88 percent).

Yet when one elderly man in Wisconsin fell into that way of thinking, he did something seemingly extraordinary in today's political climate. He listened. The elderly man named Larry was asked to speak in support of Assembly Bill 104 (AB104) at the Wisconsin State Legislature, but while he patiently waits his turn, something begins to change.


transgender, gender, trans athletes, politics, public debateExpand your mind, change your world. Image via Canva

AB104 is written to prohibit medical intervention for gender transition for people under the age of 18. Medical gender transition services for children typically involve puberty blockers once a child reaches the age where puberty is imminent. According to the Human Rights Campaign, hormone treatment is often reserved for late teens and those over the age of 18 with nothing medically irreversible being completed until after the age of 18. Puberty blockers and hormone replacement require parental consent as well as a consensus from the child's medical doctor and gender therapist.

Larry sat waiting to speak for seven hours before it was his turn and by the time he spoke he admittedly changed his stance. Not only did he change his stance, Larry did so publicly and proceeded to apologize for his ignorance on the topic before hearing the testimony of trans people.

joint session congress GIFGiphy

“First of all, I’d like to apologize to you people, I was invited here to give my support for bill 104. I have a very little knowledge of gay people and things like that there, Larry says while speaking to lawmakers. So when I came here, my eyes were opened. I was one of the critics that sat on the side and made the decision there was only two genders, so I got an education that was unbelievable."

Larry wasn't done, he wanted to let people know the testimonies changed his views, "and I don’t know just exactly how to say this but my perspective for people have changed. So I don’t want to take up no more of your time. I’d like to apologize for being here and I learned a very lot about this group of people."

The man's willingness to still get up to speak knowing his opinion had changed is an excellent example of how you can change your mind after receiving new information.

Larry did something that many people hope others will do while having a discussion by listening to another perspective with an open mind and being willing to change your perspective when new information is presented.

His one minute speech went viral on social media platforms like Reddit and TikTok with people praising the man's willingness to publicly change his opinion.

"To be an elderly person like this, and able to listen to new information from people with firsthand knowledge, while simultaneously developing thoughts and opinions based on that to grow, is amazing to see in real time. Bless him," one person shared.

"Legit renews my faith in humanity. There are times when I think this type of thoughtful reflection and changing of political viewpoints isn't possible, so it is really nice to see," another says.

An old man who was going to speak against gender-affirming care in the Wisconsin state legislature, changes stance after listening to testimony for 7 hours.
byu/RoyalChris inMadeMeSmile

"Real man, right there. Willing to admit his mistakes, and not dig his heels in any further once he sees truth. Keep learning and evolving, father," someone else writes.

"We need to teach humility to our kids and to each other. That power to recognize when you´re wrong? It's humility. Society at large tends to view humility as being meek or weak, but it's actually the exact opposite. The appreciation that this guy is getting in the comments is because we recognize the strength of his character. It requires courage to change viewpoints and even more courage to do it publicly. Humility is about knowing that you could be wrong and seek information that may be against what you believe, and, if you find it, change your mind. A strong mind changes their opinion quickly in the face of evidence. 'Strong opinions, loosely held,'" one person adds.

Unfortunately, the debate of gender isn't going away anytime soon. It's one of the most divisive topics in American public life even though it's one that impacts an incredibly small percentage of people. Regardless of where one falls on the issue, Larry's willingness to listen, learn and change his mind is one that all Americans would do well to follow. If we all genuinely want what's best for people, having an open mind and an open heart might be the change that will finally let our leaders focus on solutions over division.

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A 9-year-old girl bravely gave her school board an all-time mic drop on standardized tests

They didn't expect this kind of talking to.

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It's not everyday that a video of a local school board meeting ends up with 2.2 million views. In fact, we're not sure it's ever happened before.

If you need proof standardized testing is setting students up for failure, just ask the students. Sydney Smoot had a bone to pick with the Hernando County School Board. The issue? The Florida Standards Assessment Test, or FSA for short. On March 17, 2015, Sydney bravely stood up at her local school board meeting to share how she felt about the test and why she believes it's failing students and teachers.

"This testing looks at me as a number. One test defines me as either a failure or a success through a numbered rubric. One test at the end of the year that the teacher or myself will not even see the grade until after the school year is already over. I do not feel that all this FSA testing is accurate to tell how successful I am. It doesn't take in account all of my knowledge and abilities, just a small percentage." — Sydney Smoot

Can we give this little girl a medal? She was speaking right to our souls with that speech!


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


Here's the full transcript of her remarks:

“Fellow members of the school board, today I will express my concerns about the FSA testing. I consider myself a well-educated young lady. However, with FSA tests my five years of school… do not matter. This testing looks at me as a number. One test defines me as either a failure or a success through a numbered rubric. One test at the end of the year that the teacher or myself will not see the grade [for] until after the school year is already over.

I do not feel that all of this FSA testing is accurate to tell how successful I am. It doesn’t take into account all of my knowledge and abilities, just a small percentage. Here are my concerns. First of all, I do not feel good signing a form in the FSA ensuring that you can’t even discuss the test with your parents. I am not comfortable signing something like this I have the right to talk to my parents about any and everything related to school and my education. Second, why am I being forced to take a test that hasn’t even been testing on students here in Florida, so how can it be accurate and valid on what I know? Why are we taking most of the year stressing and prepping for one test at the end of the year when we should be taking tests throughout the year that really measure our abilities?

My opinion is that we should take a test at the beginning of the year, middle, and end of the school year to accurately measure what we know. The pressure this puts on me and I’m sure most students is not healthy. Why should we have so much stress about one test when we should be learning and having fun in school? With all of this testing in school, more fun things such as recess are being eliminated because of training for the test! So, ladies and gentlemen of the school board, I urge you to put a stop to high-stakes testing today. It’s not fair to the schools, teachers, and students. Parents and students, contact your governor to put a stop to all the standardized testing. Thank you so much for your time.”


standardized tests, school, education, K-12, Ron DeSantis, FloridaA frustrated student sits at their deskImage via Canva


Since the FSA was first implemented, it came under intense criticism. Critics said it takes critical funds away from students and does not do as good of a job as national testing standards in helping to prepare young students for higher education or careers after their K-12 school is complete. In 2022, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis officially did away with the FSA program. "Today we come, not to praise the FSA, but to bury it," DeSantis said at the time.

The FSA was replaced with a progress monitoring system that was meant to reduce testing times and give students more updated progress goals as their education continues throughout the academic year.

"Instead of having one major test at the end of the year which provided no feedback to students before the summer came, we would do progress monitoring that would monitor progress throughout the school year," DeSantis added. "It would be shorter, it would be more individualized, and it would provide good feedback for students, for teachers, and for parents."

That's the kind of statement a young Sydney Smoot could get behind. And it's why her words still so powerfully resonate nearly a decade later.

This article originally appeared 10 years ago. It has since been updated with new information.



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