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Culture

Kal Penn finally came out, sharing how he and his partner fell in love in his new book

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Kal Penn on Instagram

When people picture Kal Penn, they most likely think of a certain stoner with a munchie-induced craving for hamburgers. Others might remember Penn's two-year stint as an associate director in the Office of Public Engagement during the Obama presidency. But whether you associate him with White Castle or the White House, Penn recently revealed what most of the world did not know about him: that he is also the loving fiancé to his partner, Josh, of 11 years. His first public coming out came alongside the promotion for Penn's new memoir, "You Can't Be Serious."

The actor known for his roles in the "Harold and Kumar" movie series tweeted that the book delves into his story of growing up as the son of immigrants, moving out to Hollywood to pursue a dream of "making people laugh" (which apparently involved some racist auditions for shows like "Sabrina The Teenage Witch") and taking a break from acting to work at the White House. The book also covers Penn's relationship with his partner Josh, including their first date watching NASCAR.

According to People, "You Can't Be Serious" details their meet-cute, with Josh arriving at Penn's apartment with an 18 pack of Coors Light, ready to watch a car race. Penn wasn't quite ready to think of this date as romantic. But don't worry, this love story has a happy ending.

"I thought, 'This obviously is not going to work out,'" Penn told People. "I have one day off from The White House and this dude is unironically watching cars go around and making left turns? Next thing you know, it's been a couple months and we're watching NASCAR every Sunday. I'm like, 'What is happening?'"

I mean … if that's not love, I don't know what is.

For Penn, this aspect of his identity came later in life. He shared with People that "I discovered my own sexuality relatively late in life compared to many other people. There's no timeline on this stuff. People figure their s--- out at different times in their lives, so I'm glad I did when I did."

Penn also shared that coming out to his parents was relatively easy, telling People that "I know this sounds jokey, but it's true: When you've already told your Indian parents and the South Asian community that you intend to be an actor for a living, really any conversations that come after that are super easy. They're just like, 'Yeah, okay.'" He noted that everyone has different coming out experiences and that he was "very fortunate" to receive his family's support.

Though Penn has been very eager to share his relationship, he had the challenge of respecting Josh and his family, who "don't love attention and shy away from the limelight." This includes a "big disagreement" on whether or not to do a huge wedding or a tiny wedding. Penn told People, "I want the big ass Indian wedding. Josh, hates attention, [has said], 'Or we could just do quick 20-minute thing with our families and that's it.' So we have to meet halfway in the middle." I think all couples are really just different versions of tiny wedding Josh's and big ass wedding Kal's.

Of course, we're striving to create a world where instead of headlines reading "Kal Penn Comes Out and Is Engaged," we can see something as simple as "Kal Penn Is Engaged" without needing a public announcement of sexual orientation. But the truth is that for many cultures this subject is still under a challenging stigma. And for someone like Penn to normalize it helps others like him make it normal too.

Take a look at some of the responses he's received online.


One person wrote: "this was originally gonna be a generic Halloween tweet about a costume but given that he came out today & announced he is engaged to his boyfriend of 10 years I just wanna say thank you @kalpenn for inspiring a whole generation of Indian kids to break stereotypes. I owe u so much"

This comment pretty much sums it up: "because of you I felt safe pursuing entertainment, and now thanks to you millions of LGBTQ+ indian people will get to see themselves represented in the mainstream media."

Sometimes these seemingly small moments of expressing individual truth helps others live their lives in a more authentic way.

Others responded that they were disappointed in Penn's announcement, including journalist Louis Peitzman, who wrote "Kal Penn coming out by announcing he's marrying someone who isn't me … that's a choice."

Considering that Penn has been listed as "Most Eligible Bachelor" by People magazine, I'd say he's probably left many feeling unrequited love. It's well worth the broken hearts, Kal! Congrats to you and Josh.

Penn told People that he wanted his book to feel like "sharing a beer" together while he brought people into his stories. You'll be able to check out those stories for yourself on Nov 2.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Parenting

Yet another school district shifts to 4-day week and parents are sounding off

So... when are we getting the matching 4-day work week?

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When talking with other parents I know, it's hard not to sound like a grumpy old man when we get around to discussing school schedules. "Am I the only one who feels like kids have so many days off? I never got that many days off when I was a kid! And I had to go work in the coal mine after, too!" I know what I sound like, but I just can't help it.

In Georgia, where I live, we have a shorter summer break than some other parts of the country. But my kids have the entire week of Thanksgiving off, a week in September, two whole weeks at Christmas, a whole week off in February, and a weeklong spring break. They have asynchronous days (during which they complete assignments at home, which usually takes about 30 minutes) about once a month, and they have two or three half-day weeks throughout the year. Quite honestly, it feels like they're never in school for very long before they get another break, which makes it tough to get in a rhythm with work and career goals. Plus, we're constantly arranging day camps and other childcare options for all the time off. Actually, I just looked it up and I'm not losing my mind: American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries.

So it caught my attention in a major way when I read that Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently decided to enact a 4-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.


Giphy

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes me want to break out in stress hives. But this 4-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? The pay is bad, for starters, but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools — starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in 4-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the 4-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the 4-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

4-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. I know, I know — "school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we need to work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a 4-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working 5-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not against screentime, but adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working 4 days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

Giphy

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified 5-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art — you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

As a dad, I don't mind the idea of my busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. And I'm also very much in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a 4-day work week as the standard, the 4-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.


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Joy

Woman shares the sweetest party invite she got from her adorable 85-year-old neighbor

His sweet gesture brought the entire neighborhood together in the best way.

@meeester/TikTok

The party would apparently start at 4pm and stop "when the cops arrived."

For the most part, our lives and that of our neighbors rarely intersect, minus the occasional chit chat in passing. Or perhaps a (hopefully polite) request to be mindful of noise levels. Either way, the tone is generally more superficial than anything else.

But ever so often, there are these miraculous moments of deep connection that seem to happen out of nowhere. Only in truth, these moments aren’t so much an act of divine intervention as they are every day people actively choosing to build those connections.

In a now viral video posted online, we see a beautiful example of this all too rare phenomenon, thanks to a sweet 85-year-old old named Doug, and a doorbell camera.

In the clip, posted to TikTok by his neighbor Michelle Larosa, we see Doug warmly introduce himself, then offer her an invite to his “winter party” before walking back across the street to his home. Doug would later share in an interview with Today that these annual gatherings were a way to “keep busy” after his wife's passing. In addition, he loves helping bring people together.

@meeesher Replying to @Hannah Collier here he is😭 it gets cut off but he’s so sweet! #neighbors #cryingintheclub #neighborhoodparty #bestneighborhood #invitation #oldneighbor ♬ original sound - Meeesher

Larosa then shows off said invite, which had an adorable snowflake drawn on the top, along with the note to not bring anything “but a smile” as well as the date and time of the celebration: February 15, from 4pm “til the cops arrive.” (Doug apparently knows how to party!)

“I love old people. This is the sweetest thing ever,” Larosa swooned.

And in case there was any doubt as to Doug’s party throwing skills, in yet another clip, we see an incredible spread of libations and snacks (many donated due to Doug’s new found internet fame), along with some games, flowers, two splendid cakes…and of course a happy crowd of partygoers. Plus, Larosa apparently livestreamed the shindig, where millions of viewers tuned in.

All in all, seems like a night well done. And even more importantly, neighboring done right. Hence why people are wishing they had their very own neighbor Doug.

@meeesher Just a few details, will be shouting out all the brands and small businesses tomorrow❤️ #dougswinterparty #doug #dougsparty #neighborhood #bestneighbors #winterparty ♬ original sound - Noah Kahan

Just take a look at some of these comments from across various social media platforms:

“I had to stop watching because I was bawling and I’m sick. So incredibly sweet and beautiful in a time where everything is so darn ugly.”

“This was just amazing. The way the entire WORLD came together. The power of it all is astounding.”

“Thank you for letting us all experience what being a true neighbor is all about!”

This, this is what matters. Kindness matters . Bringing people together matters.

How everyone was so touched by this man. This was really special and really spoke to how good humans can be.

Pretty clear that simply witnessing this moment instilled some much needed joy. Imagine if we took a page from Doug’s book, and tried to initiate opportunities for connections within our own community. How much more optimistic, peaceful, happy we might feel about ourselves and the world. It might not always be the most comfortable thing to make ourselves known to strangers, but it’s that vital first step to creating friendship, and often well worth the risk.

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Health

Man unexpectedly dies during brain scan. What scientists saw should give everyone comfort.

They may have uncovered the secrets of our final moments.

via Canva

A doctor is analyzing brain scans.

Death remains one of the greatest mysteries of life. It’s impossible to know what happens as a person passes and whether there’s anything afterward because no one has ever been able to report what happens from beyond the grave. Of course, if you ask those with a keen interest in the supernatural, they may say otherwise.

However, in 2021, researcher Dr. Raul Vicente and his colleagues at the University of Tartu, Estonia, became the first people ever to record the brainwaves of someone in the process of dying, and what they’ve come to realize should be very comforting to everyone. “We measured 900 seconds of brain activity around the time of death and set a specific focus to investigate what happened in the 30 seconds before and after the heart stopped beating,” Dr. Ajmal Zemmar, a neurosurgeon at the University of Louisville, US, who organized the study, told Frontiers.


The patient who died while having his brain waves measured was 87 years old and had epilepsy. While researchers were studying his brain to learn more about the condition, they had a heart attack and passed away. “Just before and after the heart stopped working, we saw changes in a specific band of neural oscillations, so-called gamma oscillations, but also in others such as delta, theta, alpha, and beta oscillations,” Zemmar said.

The different types of brain oscillations that occurred in the patient before and after the heart attack were associated with high cognitive functions, including dreaming, concentrating, memory retrieval, and memory flashbacks. Therefore, it’s possible that as the patient was dying, they had their life flash before their eyes. What an amazing and comforting experience right before leaving this mortal coil.

“Through generating oscillations involved in memory retrieval, the brain may be playing a last recall of important life events just before we die, similar to the ones reported in near-death experiences,” Zemmar speculated. “These findings challenge our understanding of when exactly life ends and generate important subsequent questions, such as those related to the timing of organ donation.”


How long are people conscious after they are technically dead?

Science has found that people can remain conscious up to 20 seconds after they are declared dead. Even after the heart and breathing have stopped, the cerebral cortex can hang on for a while without oxygen. So, some people may experience the moment when they hear themselves declared dead, but they aren’t able to move or react to the news. In cases where someone performs CPR on the deceased person, the blood pumped by the compressions can temporarily keep the brain alive as well.

Although the experience of death will probably always remain a mystery, we should take solace in the idea that, in many cases, it may not necessarily be a miserable experience but an ecstatic final burst of consciousness that welcomes us into the great beyond. “Something we may learn from this research is: although our loved ones have their eyes closed and are ready to leave us to rest, their brains may be replaying some of the nicest moments they experienced in their lives,” Zemmar concludes.

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Health

NYT games like Wordle and Connections are good for cognitive health, with one big caveat

How you feel about doing them matters more than you might think.

Photo credit: Canva (left) Screenshot of completed Wordle game via NYT app (right)

Millions of people enjoy NYT Games puzzles like Wordle.

Every morning, I sit down with my cup of coffee, open up the New York Times Games app on my phone, and do the Wordle, Connections, Strands, and Mini-Crossword, in that order. As I complete each game, I send my results to the "Puzzle Pals Gang" group chat I have with some friends and family. We compare. We gloat. We trash talk. We congratulate. It's a delightful routine.

And we're not the only ones. According to the New York Times, there were 4.8 billion plays of Wordle, 2.3 billion plays of Connections, and 8 billion game and puzzle plays total in 2023. A whole lot of people love their brain games.

I like to think I'm benefiting from a nice little brain workout when I do those puzzles, but am I really? According to Mark Alberts, MD, chief of neurology at Hartford Hospital and co-physician-in-chief at the Ayer Neuroscience Institute, I probably am—but that doesn't mean everyone else is.

"These sorts of brain exercises can be very helpful for improving your ability to think and remember,” Alberts says, but that's only true if you're someone who actually likes and enjoys doing them. People who find the games fun can enjoy a boost in memory, attention and other cognitive functions. But for those who just find them stressful or frustrating, the cognitive benefit doesn't outweigh the negative impacts.

“Sure, crossword puzzles and Sudoku could be fun for some people. But if they’re distressing to you—or just not fun—they won’t be beneficial,” says Dr. Alberts.

puzzle write GIFGiphy

As someone who loves games and puzzles, I'm surely reaping the cognitive benefits. Someone who gets super stressed out by them would not, but that doesn't mean there aren't other ways for people who don't enjoy games to give their own brains a boost.

“Emotional well-being has a huge impact on cognition, so it’s important to choose activities that give you joy,” says Dr. Alberts. “Find a different hobby. Take a class. Teach a class! Keep learning in other ways.”

And, of course, there's not widespread agreement on the degree to which these games are helpful to brain health, either. Susanne Jaeggi, a professor with the Center for Cognitive and Brain Health at Northeastern University, says that the games being good for brains question isn't that simple.

“There are a lot of different things that contribute to our brain health," Jaeggi says. "As long as you’re doing something that keeps your brain engaged and fit, that could potentially be helpful to prevent age-related cognitive decline. Whether it’s exactly these games, that’s an open question, because a lot of these are new and there’s not a lot of (research) out there.”

A big question people have is whether games can help ward off age-related cognitive issues and dementia diseases. While Alberts says there’s no evidence for brain games preventing or delaying the onset of dementia, certain games do utilize cognitive functions that tend to diminish with age. “Fluid functions” like problem-solving, processing speed, and working memory tend to wane as we age, and some of the NTY Games puzzles force your brain to perform those functions.

A study published in NEJM EvidenceNEJM Evidence found some evidence that crossword puzzles can have a positive impact on aging brains. The study found that people age 62 to 80 with mild memory problems who played web-based crossword puzzles showed improved cognition and less brain shrinkage than to those who played web-based cognitive games.

However, crossword puzzles largely draw on things we already know, which is different than making our brains do something new or solve problems. “All your knowledge that you accumulate as a result of expertise and education, these are skills that remain as we age,” Jaeggi said. “Things like crossword puzzles that have you retrieve this accumulated knowledge, that’s not typically something that declines with age.”

One way to keep our brains sharp as we age is to try new things, and games can be a part of that. “What seems to be the case is that if you learn new skills and they’re challenging at whatever level of challenge is appropriate for you, then you see benefits,” said Art Kramer, psychology professor and director for Northeastern University's Center for Cognitive and Brain Health. “So if you’ve never done crossword puzzles or you’ve never played (Sudoku), that might be of benefit to you.”

Novel and enjoyable seem to be the key, so if games are your thing and you want to reap the benefits, enjoy the puzzles you love but also try some new ones once in a while.

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Family

Popular podcaster explains why 'Askers' and 'Guessers' make for uncomfortable couples

Are you from an 'ask family' or a 'guess family'?

via Canva

A man has a question for his girlfriend.

There isn’t a lot of talk about the differences between ask culture and guess culture, but knowing the differences could seriously change how you communicate with people for the better. Understanding the differences will help you respond to requests honestly, without feeling rude, and show you how to ask people for things without feeling too pushy.

What are Askers and Guessers?

The theory is pretty simple, there are two types of people: Askers and Guessers. In “ask culture,” it’s normal and expected to ask people directly for what you want. Conversely, saying no to other people’s requests is also completely normal. In “ask culture,” it’s OK to make a direct request, and no feelings are hurt if you receive a direct no. The ask culture motto is: No harm in asking, right?

In “guess culture,” you only ask for things if you are sure you will receive a yes. Guessers are more likely to drop hints or make suggestions to someone to gauge their interest and avoid being forthright. To the Guesser, this approach is more polite because you aren’t putting the other person in an uncomfortable position of having to say no. It also saves the Guesser’s face because they don’t have to suffer the pain of rejection.


The two cultures clash when it comes to saying no. Askers will make a request even though there’s a big chance the other person will say no. Because Guessers won't ask if the answer might be no, they might assume Askers expect all of their asks to be answered with yes. Guessers are uncomfortable telling someone no because it feels rude, so they are put in a very awkward position when confronted with an Asker's unrealistic request.

Jessie Stephens, host of the "Mamamia Out Loud" podcast, explained how the Asker versus Guesser dynamic creates uncomfortable situations in her marriage.

@mamamiaoutloud

I have only just learned that “ask” families exist 🙃

“I’ve since had an epiphany that this is a central tension in my relationship with my partner. So, I absolutely grew up in a Guess family,” Stephens said in a clip with over 330,000 views. “In our family, it is understood that when you ask something of someone, you put them in the difficult position of potentially having to say no. So, if I ask someone a favor, for example, that’s a lot of pressure. So you’re going to really consider whether or not you do that to someone.”

However, Stepens' partner is from an Ask family.

“And in Ask families, you just say what you want or what you need, and it’s on the other person to say yes or no,” she continues. “There’s no pressure, he accepts the no, there’s nothing emotional in it. Don’t be passive-aggressive. Just say what you want.”


Stephens adds that there is a gender dynamic to the theory. “Interestingly, in the research around this, there is a gendered element because apparently, men are often, um, able to ask more freely for the things that they want, whereas women are disproportionately guesses," she concludes her video.

Ultimately, the Guesser and Asker theory is a way to help people understand one another more easily. If you’re a Guesser, don’t feel uncomfortable telling an Asker no because they have little fear of being turned down and may expect it. If you’re an Asker, listen to the clues when a Guesser seems to hint they need help so you can give them what they need. If they’re throwing it out there, it’s because they’re sure you’ll say yes.

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