What even is a self?
We’ve all heard it before, be it in a graduation speech, at the end of a Disney movie, or in one of our parent’s pep talks: “Just be yourself.” We’ve heard it so many times, in fact, that it’s pretty much accepted as the golden rule when it comes to winning at life.
And sure, there’s some wisdom to this, especially in the context of embracing your individual quirks…but that’s about where its usefulness ends.
For one thing, the “self” is in a constant state of flux. It changes according to time, place, what we’ve learned, who we’re around, our emotional state…the factors go on and on. And this is a good thing. It’s how we are able to evolve and grow.
Tilda Swinton, an actress known for being rather chameleonic, actually has an amazing keynote speech where she discusses the “overratedness” of a conforming to one identity, noting how it creates a painful, unnecessary “burden” when “life’s way too interesting” and we could be having much more fun “riding that horse all the way and enjoying all the different landscape it will take us on.”
Secondly (and similarly), this “Just be yourself” adage promotes the idea that life is about “finding yourself” rather than “creating yourself.” One suggests that you have one fully formed, fixed identity that is lost to you, which can hopefully be recovered one day (often through an expensive seminar). But people often find much more intention, empowerment, and motivation by adopting a “create yourself” mindset. This strategy in turn can help people incorporate more nourishing habits because it makes the self a malleable, life-long project—and the owner of said identity is the artist behind it.
- YouTube www.youtube.com
Lastly, as psychotherapist and author Britt Frank, LSCSW, SEP, wrote in an article for CNBC, “‘I’m just being myself’ can be an excuse for poor behavior.” Rather than working on emotional regularity and being considerate of one’s affect on others, someone might engage in reactive, unhelpful behavior in the name of authenticity…which doesn’t necessarily lead to success.
To that end, Frank suggests that rather than “just being yourself,” people should focus on these four things:
1. Allow for a “variety pack” of selves
Because you contain multitudes, and flexibility often beats out rigidity in the long run.
2. Listen to each of those selves
More likely than not, it’ll show you how to actually show up in a way that aligns with your values.
3. Remember that “real” is overrated
You can be aware of all the different parts of yourself longing to express themselves, but at the end of the day, you have the power to choose which one gets to speak up.
4. Prioritize responsibility over authenticity
This is how you build trust, rather than unnecessary conflict.
Trust can take you further than saying anything that comes to mind. Photo credit: Canva
In many ways, there is more success to be had in getting clear about the “best version of yourself” in any given situation and acting accordingly, rather than settling for an identity that doesn't allow room for growth, experimentation, or compassion. But either way, the choice is yours.
Staircases are used strategically in films. 
Regina George watching the chaos from the top of the stairs in "Mean Girls" 
The famous "PIVOT!" scene from "Friends" 
Elegant wedding invitation with rings and dried flowers.
Colleagues engaged in a focused discussion at the office.
Professional discussion during an interview.
Celebrating love with champagne and joy! 🥂🎉✨
Overwhelmed at work, taking a moment to regroup.
The Beatles were the biggest band on Earth in their heyday. 
john travolta disco GIF by uDiscoverMusic 
John Lennon was a fan of the Bee Gees. 
Leah Remini Budget GIF by TV Land 
Turn On GIF by Alexis Tapia 
Loop Falling GIF by JOSH HILL 
Old Car GIF by ABC Network 
Too Much Cooking GIF by CBC 
Max Greenfield Comedy GIF by CBS 
National Thrift Shop Day GIF