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It's rare for dads to share their thoughts about miscarriages. This man did.

I remember the rainy winter night vividly. Our unborn baby was dead.

Three days prior to Christmas 2009, my wife and I lost our baby. I put on a brave face for my wife by saying everything will be OK, and I told my inner circle that we'll dust ourselves off and try again — but privately I was a mess.

I know that about 15-20% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage, but that didn't ease our immense pain.

Oftentimes the stories of miscarriages are shared through the perspectives of the women who experience them, and rightfully so. I didn't have to endure the physical pain and emotional pain that my wife and countless other women deal with.

But as a man, I want to share my version of the events to help others who are going through the same thing. The emotional pain and feelings of loss and helplessness following a miscarriage aren't something men talk about that often, but it was incredibly difficult for me. Simply put, I experienced a roller coaster of emotions during that time.

1. Sadness.

I didn't eat, I lost a lot of weight, and I spent a lot of my private moments in tears. I knew I had to move forward, but I didn't know how. Looking back on it, I know the main reason I was so sad for such a long period of time was due to not knowing if I should grieve — at least publicly.

I felt as if my role was to be the strong one. "This happened to my wife's body, not mine," I thought. "This can't be about me and my feelings." Society seemed to agree. Nobody asked how I was feeling. It was as if I was a bystander instead of an active participant in creating the child we lost. As the weeks passed, I fell deeper into despair.

If a loved one outside the womb died, I'd be given the green light to grieve. So why is it so strange for a man to grieve for a loved one who died inside the womb?

I couldn't keep up the charade for very long, and eventually the floodgates opened (which made me feel a lot better).

Embracing my sadness was hard for me to do, but things improved once I did. GIF from "Inside Out."

2. Anger and disgust.

I would hear stories of dads who have little to no interest in raising their children — and I would become enraged. How could someone father a child and not want to be involved in their life? Sure, many dads today are great — but I couldn't get the bad ones out of my mind.

It was almost as if the only way to rid myself of the rage would be to create a reality show called "Deadbeat Island." All the crappy dads of the world would be banished there to complete tasks like remembering their kids' birthdays or changing blowout diapers until they committed to being active fathers. But alas, that type of programming would never see the light of day.

Enjoy your stay on Deadbeat Island, buddy.

Some days were worse than others, but my main coping mechanism was to remember that it wasn't about the other guys. I would be the best dad I could be if I had the chance. That's what kept me going.

3. Fear.

When we became pregnant again, I experienced a level of fear that I haven't experienced in my lifetime. Every milestone was met with a brief sigh of relief followed by more intense panic.

"Whew! We passed the six-week mark ... but we still have to make it through the first trimester."

Every day there was something new to be afraid of — but mostly it stemmed from my fear of experiencing that devastation once again. It was like walking on an emotional tightrope for 40 straight weeks. My wife felt the same way.

From an emotional standpoint, this is what every day seemed like for my wife and me.

4. Joy.

After what seemed like the longest wait ever, I finally became a dad in January 2011.

You're looking at the happiest moment of my life.

I cried joyful tears, I laughed, I sang, I danced, and I completely lost my mind in excitement during that first day. The love affair only grew from there.

Sure, it's never easy waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers or soothe a fussy baby, but that's what I signed up for. I wanted the chance and I received it, and that made me very happy.

Being the best dad I can be for my daughter and her baby sister inspires me to be a better man.

My daughters are now 5 and 2.5 years old.

I wasn't the greatest guy before a became a dad, and that miscarriage was the wake-up call I sorely needed to improve.

Today I talk less and listen more. I give more hugs than handshakes. I'm less, "I've got it all together," and more, "We're all in this together."

Sure, I'm still a work in progress (aren't we all?), but I figure if I'm aspiring to be the best dad I can be for my daughters, why can't I aspire to be the best human being I can be for everyone who cares about me?

I don't have all of the answers, but I can state that my overwhelming passion to be a good dad stems from the fear that I'd never have the chance to become one.

I'm not naive. I know there are thousands of people all over the world who cannot have children. But once the chance to be a father was taken away during that December night, I didn't think about that. I think about it now, and my heart goes out to the families who encounter those challenges.

No matter your gender, please know that you're not alone. Riding the emotional rollercoaster of miscarriages can be easier if you know that others are going along for the ride with you.

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Dad's heartfelt lunch message shows how simple, everyday acts can change lives

You can make a huge difference by using O Organics.

via Meg Sullivan (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

A volunteer hands out food in a food bank and Meg Sullivan shares her dad's kind gesture.

When we consider people who have had a positive impact on the world, we often think of those who have made grand gestures to improve the lives of others, such as Martin Luther King, Jr., Greta Thunberg, or Mahatma Gandhi. Unfortunately, that type of effort is out of reach for the average person.

However, O Organics would like to remind everyone that they can positively impact the world through small, consistent acts of kindness that add up over time. Much like how a small creek can create a valley over the years, we can change lives through small, consistent acts of kindness.

O Organics is dedicated to the well-being of all by nourishing people everywhere with delicious organic foods grown by producers who meet USDA-certified organic farming standards.

Upworthy's Instagram page recently posted a touching example of everyday kindness. Meg Sullivan shared how her father, Tom, peeled oranges for her lunch just about every day from kindergarten through high school. But on the final day of her senior year of high school, he sent his 17-year-old daughter unpeeled oranges with a touching note about how she’d have to start peeling them for herself.



“It’s Time Baby Girl,” he wrote on a wikiHow printout on how to peel an orange with a drawing of himself crying. For the father, this daily ritual was about more than just making lunch; it was about showing that he cared by going the extra mile. “I could have put money on her lunch account,” Tom told Today.com. “But it’s one of those little things I thought was important, that she knows somebody’s taking the time to take care of her.”

The small, daily gesture taught Megan an essential lesson in kindness.

The post reminded people how their fathers’ small acts of kindness meant so much to them. “My dad peeled my oranges until I graduated high school, too. Now, I peel my daughter’s oranges and will for the next 7 plus years,” Katie wrote in the comments. “Love this. My dad peeled mine, too. When I moved out, he gave me an orange peeler gadget,” Mary added.

o organics, albertson's giving backO Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list.via Albertson's

Did you know that every time you go to the supermarket, you can also change the world through small gestures? O Organics not only allows you to feed your family delicious and nutritious organic food, but each purchase also gives back to help people and communities facing food insecurity.

Through contributions from customers like you, O Organics donates up to 28 million meals annually. The company’s contribution is essential when, according to the USDA, 47.4 million Americans live in food-insecure households.

O Organics has a wide array of foods and flavors covering almost everything on your shopping list. “Over the years, we have made organic foods more accessible by expanding O Organics to every aisle across our stores, making it possible for health and budget-conscious families to incorporate organic food into every meal,” Jennifer Saenz, EVP and Chief Merchandising Officer at Albertsons, one of many stores where you can find O Organics products, said in a statement.

O Organics now offers over 1500 items, from dairy products such as eggs and milk to packaged meats and breakfast staples such as cereal bars, granola and oatmeal. You can also enjoy affordable organic produce with O Organics’ fresh salads and fruit.

Everybody wants to make the world a better place. With O Organics, you can feed your family healthy, organic food every time you go to the market while paying it forward by contributing to the company’s efforts to end food insecurity nationwide. That’s a small, daily gesture that can amount to incredible change.

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Parenting

Yet another school district shifts to 4-day week and parents are sounding off

So... when are we getting the matching 4-day work week?

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When talking with other parents I know, it's hard not to sound like a grumpy old man when we get around to discussing school schedules. "Am I the only one who feels like kids have so many days off? I never got that many days off when I was a kid! And I had to go work in the coal mine after, too!" I know what I sound like, but I just can't help it.

In Georgia, where I live, we have a shorter summer break than some other parts of the country. But my kids have the entire week of Thanksgiving off, a week in September, two whole weeks at Christmas, a whole week off in February, and a weeklong spring break. They have asynchronous days (during which they complete assignments at home, which usually takes about 30 minutes) about once a month, and they have two or three half-day weeks throughout the year. Quite honestly, it feels like they're never in school for very long before they get another break, which makes it tough to get in a rhythm with work and career goals. Plus, we're constantly arranging day camps and other childcare options for all the time off. Actually, I just looked it up and I'm not losing my mind: American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries.

So it caught my attention in a major way when I read that Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently decided to enact a 4-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.


Giphy

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes me want to break out in stress hives. But this 4-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? The pay is bad, for starters, but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools — starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in 4-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the 4-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the 4-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

4-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. I know, I know — "school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we need to work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a 4-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working 5-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not against screentime, but adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working 4 days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

Giphy

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified 5-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art — you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

As a dad, I don't mind the idea of my busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. And I'm also very much in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a 4-day work week as the standard, the 4-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.


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15 hard truths that once people accepted them, their lives got so much better

"Not all friendships last."

via Liza Summer/Pexels

A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest, and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.



The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.



4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.



8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."



12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."


This article originally appeared last year.
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Pop Culture

Mom leaves a 'heartbreaking' gift to flight passengers sitting next to her baby

"That's a mom trying so hard."

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

@callmebelly♬ BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

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Pop Culture

Waxers, nurses, and doctors share what they're really thinking about your 'privates.'

You're probably not as special or weird as you think.

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There's no need to feel self conscious.

Body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.

According to one study, about 30% of men are "dissatisfied" with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had "concerns" about the appearance of their vulva.

The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there's something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we're weird, is anybody really weird at all?

A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic—people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians or estheticians. The responses were oddly inspiring.

The prompt asked, "Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?"

Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people's unmentionables.

Here are a few of the best responses:

Laura Woolf/Flickr


"Gonna chime in as a doctor - and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before." - feelgoodx

"I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in." - Wild-Clementine

"Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they're clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable." - tlotd

"Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work." - Important-Tackle

"never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me." - pastelmorning

"Nothing surprises me, I'm mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch." - noorisms

Two big takeaways:

First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgeable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!

Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician's office!

Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn't seem like a big deal, but it can be.

gourd and white tape measure on blue surfaceEmbarrassment about the nether regions is normal, but it can be harmful if not checked. Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

It's bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually effect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.

Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.

Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions.

If you've ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You're totally normal!

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Parenting

Woman who gave her baby up for adoption gets a wonderful surprise from the new family

"You know, you can't have too many people loving you, right?”

via CBS News/YouTube

A journal detailing Steven Schoebinger's young life.

At Upworthy, we love sharing the “best of humanity” with our audience, and this story out of Utah, originally reported by CBS News’ Steve Hartman, shows the power of love to break down barriers.

When Schauna Austin, 48, was 20 years old, she got pregnant and knew she wasn’t ready to raise a child, so she made the difficult decision to give the baby up for adoption. She gave birth to a son she named Riley and only had three days to spend with him before surrendering him to his new family.

So, she held him tight for 72 hours straight.

"It was perfect," Austin said about those three emotionally-charged days. "I knew I would have him for a short time, so I made every minute count of it. I didn't sleep for three days." It must have been tough for Austin to give up her son because the grieving process of surrender and adoption can be incredibly difficult.

Riley, renamed Steven, was given to Chris and Jennifer Schoebinger in a closed adoption, where Austin was not to be informed about the adoptive family. In Utah, closed adoptions are a rarity these days, with about 95% allowing some exchange of information between the birth and adoptive parents.

However, about a week later, the Schoebingers had a change of heart.

The Schoebingers decided Austin should be involved in Steven’s life. "It was like, 'OK, this is the way it should be. She was part of our family,'" Jennifer told CBS News. "You know, you can't have too many people loving you, right? Why couldn't he be both of ours?" Chris added.

Every year, the Schoebingers sent Austin pictures and bound journals showing Steven's journey in deep detail. They even had lists of all the new words he learned each year. The books were titled “The Life and Times of ‘Riley,’” paying homage to Steven’s original name.

The hope was that one day when the biological mother and son were ready, they could pick up where they left off. That moment came when Steven was seven years old and Austin taught him to fish.

The unique arrangement has been fantastic for both Austin and her biological son. "I was blessed beyond words," Austin said. "I kind of got the best of both worlds, for sure," Steven agreed. It may seem like relationships between children and those who gave them up for adoption would be complicated, but studies show that 84% of adoptees reported high levels of satisfaction when maintaining ongoing contact with their birth parents.

Steven is now 27 and in August 2022, he and his wife, Kayla, had their first child, a boy they named Riley. Austin is now a grandmother.

The remarkable story of Austin and the Schoebinger family proves that when we put walls between ourselves and others, we are often blocking everyone off from more love and support. "I think the lesson we learned is that sometimes we create barriers where barriers don't need to be. And when we pull down those barriers, we really find love on the other side," Chris said.


This article originally appeared last year.

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