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Identity

Italian restaurant has a funny and razor-sharp response to a homophobic review

He won't be eating there again.

vinnie's asheville, homophobia, reviews
via Google reviews

An anti-LGBTQ review of Vinnie's in Asheville, North Carolina.

A Google reviewer recently left a homophobic review for The Original Vinnie's Neighborhood Italian restaurant in Asheville, North Carolina. Although the review is upsetting, the response from the restaurant is the perfect example of how to confront homophobia.

Vinnie’s is known for food that reflects the “Old School” flavors of New York cuisine and has repeatedly been named "Best Italian Restaurant" in Asheville. The reviewer, who used the screenname "Kip Hadley," liked the food but didn’t enjoy the fact that Vinnie’s had a lot of LGBTQ employees.

“The food was fantastic, the waitress was great, however, I was surprised Italian sausage wasn’t the only thing on the menu,” Hadley wrote in the review. “The place was filled with homo’s. There should be some kind of warning, it was difficult to stay and finish our meal, especially with the kids having to see that.”

homophbic, Vinnie's Italian, reviewsThe homophobic review of Original Vinnie's Neighborhood Italian restaurant.via Google reviews

Sean Cudmore, Director of Growth and Strategies at The Scheffer Group, responded to the review with incredible heart and humor while touting the benefits of employing LGBTQ people.

Cudmore began his response by doubling down on how proud the company is to support LGBTQ people by giving them “safe, supportive, and sustainable places to work” and said that the company would continue to do so.



Then, he addressed Hadley, noting that multiple LGBTQ people most likely prepared the food he enjoyed.

“As for you, Kip, please feel free to avoid our Original location or any of the other locations our restaurant group offers in Asheville. Also, please know that there is a more than insignificant chance that a lesbian prepared your food last evening. A gay man might have mixed your drinks. A trans woman may have trained your server to give you such great service. A person who identifies with -- get this -- they/them pronouns may have sat you at your table,” Cudmore wrote.

“What I'm trying to say here, Kip, is that, despite your every effort to spread hate and bigotry in your own misery, those parts of your experience you did enjoy at Vinnie's Neighborhood Italian were in no small part created by the community you abhor,” he continued.

Cudmore finished the response with the ultimate mic drop.

“And, if you happen to subscribe to the idea that ‘gayness’ is spread by exposure, please be sure to check in with your inner-most thoughts over the next couple of days as, not only did you enjoy your experience that was created by the queer community, you ingested it."

This wasn’t the first time Hadley left a bigoted review on a local business; he also complained about the employees at a local bagel shop that he referred to as a “freak show” because he couldn’t tell whether they were “male or female.”

vinnie's italian, homophobic review, north carolinaAnti-LGBTQ bagel shop review. via Google reviews

Cudmore’s response was great because not only did he stand up for VInnie's LGBTQ employees, but he also made the case that being homophobic was a losing mindset because LGBTQ people a crucial part of our everyday lives. Homophobic people aren’t just fighting back against those with a non-traditional sexual preference. They are going to battle with the people who cook our meals, pour our drinks, teach our children, care for our health, protect our communities and—to put it in the most basic terms possible—contribute to society the same way as everyone else.

From Your Site Articles
LGBTQ
Education

Mom shares how her first grader's homework on the second day of school broke his spirit

"It's breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Photo credit: Cassi Nelson/Facebook

How much homework is too much homework?

Debates about homework are nothing new, but the ability of parents to find support for homework woes from thousands of other parents is a fairly recent phenomenon.

A mom named Cassi Nelson shared a post about her first grader's homework and it quickly went viral. Nelson shared that her son had come home from his second day of school with four pages of homework, which she showed him tearfully working on at their kitchen counter.

"He already doesn’t get home from school until 4pm," she wrote. "Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work. I had to clear out the kitchen so he could focus. His little legs kept bouncing up and down, he was bursting with so much energy just wanting to go play. Then he broke my heart when he looked up at me with his big teary doe eyes and asked…. 'Mommy when you were little did you get distracted a lot too?!' Yes sweet baby, mommy sure did too! I don’t know how ppl expect little children to sit at school all day long and then ALSO come home to sit and do MORE work too…."

Nelson tells Upworthy that she was "shocked" that kindergarteners and first graders have homework, much less the amount they were expected to do. "We didn't have homework like this when we were in these younger grades."

Expert opinion and research is somewhat mixed on the homework front, but there isn't any conclusive evidence that homework is universally beneficial for students and too much homework can actually be harmful. As a standard, the National Education Association (NEA) and the National Parent Teacher Association (NPTA) support a limit on homework of “10 minutes of homework per grade level."

With that as a guide, a first grader shouldn't have more than 10 minutes of homework on any given school day, but it's not unusual for young kids to have two or three times the recommended limit of homework. That can be stressful for both kids and parents, cutting into valuable family time and limiting kids' time to decompress, play and freely engage in imaginative activity.

As Nelson concluded, "It’s breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Most parents and even most teachers in the comments agreed with her that four pages of homework is too much for a first grader, especially on only the second day of school:

"Poor little man. Children below a certain grade should not be given homework! Small children have a hard time sitting still for a long period of time yet alone expected to sit and do hours of homework, for what??? They are SMALL CHILDREN! Let them snack, play, laugh and all the other fun things when they get home. You are only a child once, they don't need that taken away from them. Let them embrace their inner creativity, imagination, recipes, etc."

"This breaks my spirit. Our schools are huge scams. You're exactly right Cassi. Homework is ridiculous. Kids til the age of 10 primarily learn through real life situations and play scenarios."

"I hate that for him! My little one has ADHD and doing homework after sitting in class all day is very stressful to him and makes him hate school. They are in school for 7 hours they shouldn’t have homework. That definitely takes away any kind of family time and that’s why kids never spend time with parents anymore because they have all this homework to do after being gone all day.I feel that if it can’t be done in the 7 hours they have the kids then it should wait until the next school day."

"I don’t make them do homework at home when they are that little. It’s not fair!They are at school allllll day! And it’s already sooooo much for their little bodies and brains! I’ve never had a teacher upset about it either.. and even if I did oh well!"

"That breaks my heart. 4 pages is absolutely ridiculous for young kids. My daughter is going into 2nd grade next month, the 2 years in school it was always 1 page of homework sometimes back and front if it was math. And to read."

"I was in this boat with my son…conversation with the principal and teachers helped dramatically!! It’s too much and we have to advocate for them."

Nelson was blown away by the response to her post, which has been shared on Facebook over 89,000 times. "I NEVER thought me sharing my thoughts openly about how my heart hurt watching my little guy struggle would connect to so many others worldwide going through the same thing," she says.

Many parents shared that excessive homework is one of the reasons they decided to homeschool their children, which Nelson took to heart. The week after sharing her viral homework post, she shared that they had had their first day of homeschooling. It was "A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!" she wrote, with her son getting far more work done in a far shorter amount of time, sitting for classes for just 1 hour and 45 minutes total.

Nelson tells Upworthy she was totally intimidated to try homeschooling. "I seriously thought there was no way," she says. "But I knew I had to set my fear aside and just take the leap for my kids. I told myself I'd figure it out one way or another. And here we are three days in and it's been the easiest and best choice I've ever made."

Homeschooling is not going to the right solution for every family, however, so the question of homework remains an important issue for kids, parents, teachers and schools to work out.

From Your Site Articles
education
Health

Neuroscience learns what Buddhism has known for ages: There is no constant self

Buddhist Monks have known for thousands of years what science is just now learning: the mind can be changed by training it.

via Andy Malmin/Flickr

Ven. Thich Thong Hai prays by a statue of Buddha in the garden at the Ventura Buddhist Center.

Proving that science and religion can, in fact, overlap, University of British Columbia researcher Evan Thompson has confirmed the Buddhist teaching of the not-self, or "anatta," is more than just a theory.

"Buddhists argue that nothing is constant, everything changes through time, you have a constantly changing stream of consciousness," he tells Quartz. "And from a neuroscience perspective, the brain and body is constantly in flux. There's nothing that corresponds to the sense that there's an unchanging self."

This reality that nothing stays the same should be liberating, because if people believe it, they'll no longer define themselves by their thoughts or be limited by a fixed idea of who they are. Their possibilities will be endless.

Buddhist Monks have known for thousands of years what science is just now learning: the mind can be changed by training it. Neuroplasticity, as it's called, endows people with the ability to grow and evolve, triumphing over bad habits and becoming more like the individuals they want to be.

Buddha, religion, self awareness, evolution, enlightenment

Buddha GIF

Giphy Discover & share this Big GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Still, exactly how consciousness relates to the brain eludes both Buddhism and neuroscience. Buddhists suppose there's an iteration of consciousness that doesn't require a physical body; neuroscientists disagree.

"In neuroscience, you'll often come across people who say the self is an illusion created by the brain," Thompson says. "My view is that the brain and the body work together in the context of our physical environment to create a sense of self. And it's misguided to say that just because it's a construction, it's an illusion."


This article originally appeared on 09.23.17

From Your Site Articles
religion
Family

Moms rally around woman who planned entire family vacation but was met with only complaints

"Gratitude goes a long way—especially on family vacation!"

@a.millennialmama/TikTok

Luckily, this story has a happy ending.


Even for those who love the thrill of making vacation itineraries…it’s work. And obviously when the planning has to be done for an entire family, there’s even more effort needed to be put in. Imagine going through all the rigamarole of booking flights, hotels, rental cars, restaurant reservations, entertainment venues, last minute store runs for toiletries…without getting so much as a “thank you.”

Odds are you’d be a little miffed, even if planning is your thing.

This was the scenario that a mom Alexis Scott found herself in after planning a summer vacation for her husband and two teen children. Thankfully, the now-viral TikTok post venting her frustrations inspired several folks to give her some much deserved support.

In the video, Scott began, “I'm on a family vacation right now with my two teenagers and my husband. We flew in late last night. We think we got in at like 12:15 a.m. and headed to get a rental car and then got to our Airbnb. And I am frustrated.”

Scott had tried and tried to get any input from her family about what they might want to do, and each time got the same reply: “‘Whatever you want, mom. I don't care. Okay. I don't care.’”

“Great. Glad I'm planning this vacation for everybody to not care,” Scott lamented.

Still, she did the planning—cause someone had to do it. But as soon as the vacation started, all her decisions were met with complaints. From being called “cheap” for getting too small of an SUV rental car to being told “Mom is never going to be in charge of booking the Airbnb again. She can't even this, that and the other,’” after the family found out their AirBnb was three stories with quite a few stairs.

@a.millennialmama Gratitude goes a long way - especially on family vacation! #momsoftiktok #millennialmom #millennial #familyvacation #familyvacay #sos ♬ original sound - a.millennialmama

“Then this morning, we wake up and it's an urban setting. We live in a very quiet suburban setting and my husband's saying how he barely slept and this and that. And I'm just like, enough!” she said.

All of this happened within the first 24 hours of the trip. It’s easy to see why Scott needed to vent.

Her video concluded with:

I have been the only one to put in all the effort in planning this trip. And I know there's videos on mental load, but this is prime time example of me. I'm shouldering the mental load for my entire family and everybody has something to say about it. So, yeah, I'm frustrated. Please pray for me that we can all turn our attitudes around and have a great day.”

Down in the comments, viewers could totally empathize with Scott for feeling burnt out and disappointed.

“Oh gosh the mental load of planning every detail and then knowing is something goes wrong or isn't’ perfect it’s all on you. Been there,” one person shared.

Another added, “I tell my husband that I haven’t been on vacation since I was a child and he’s alway confused bc to him, ‘we’ go on vacation every year. Only other moms would understand what I mean.”

Many suggested that she do something for herself instead.

“Just Irish goodbye one morning, go to brunch alone, hit the spa or a pool and come home after dinner,” one person wrote.

“Go and do whatever you want to do!! Spa day sounds perfect and take yourself out for fabulous meals!!” echoed another.

On a positive note: this story does have a happy ending. In a follow-up video, Scott shared how she showed her family the TikTok video she made, and it did turn things around.

@a.millennialmama Replying to @thisisntaboutme 🍉🍉🍉 absolutelt no apology video… but they listened to my feelings and we have had a good day so far ❤️🙏🏼 #momsoftiktok #grateful #teenagers #millennial #millennialmom #vacation #travel ♬ original sound - a.millennialmama


“We have actually had a really, really great day today,” she said. “Everyone has had positive attitudes. I've heard a lot of thank yous and my kids have been buying their little side purchases with their own money and not even asking me to pay for it... but they have been really self-sufficient in that space.”

All in all, Scott recognizes that her family is “human,” and a big part of being human is apologizing when a mistake is made and moving forward.

“We love each other. This was a learning experience.”

By the way, Scott's entire TikTok is dedicated to relatable mom content. You can follow along here.


This article originally appeared on 6.14.24

From Your Site Articles
motherhood
Science

The oldest whales on the planet are more ancient than 'Moby-Dick' and have the harpoons to prove it

Wow... just wow.

Image from Pixabay.

Under the sea...

True
The Wilderness Society


You're probably familiar with the literary classic "Moby-Dick."

But in case you're not, here's the gist: Moby Dick is the name of a huge albino sperm whale.

(Get your mind outta the gutter.)

There's this dude named Captain Ahab who really really hates the whale, and he goes absolutely bonkers in his quest to hunt and kill it, and then everything is awful and we all die unsatisfied with our shared sad existence and — oops, spoilers!


OK, technically, the narrator Ishmael survives. So it's actually a happy ending (kind of)!

whales, Moby Dick, poaching endangered species

Illustration from an early edition of Moby-Dick

Image from Wikimedia Commons.

Basically, it's a famous book about revenge and obsession that was published back in 1851, and it's really, really long.

It's chock-full of beautiful passages and dense symbolism and deep thematic resonance and all those good things that earned it a top spot in the musty canon of important literature.

There's also a lot of mundane descriptions about the whaling trade as well (like, a lot). That's because it came out back when commercial whaling was still a thing we did.

conservation, ocean water conservation

A non-albino mother and baby sperm whale.

Photo by Gabriel Barathieu/Wikipedia.

In fact, humans used to hunt more than 50,000 whales each year to use for oil, meat, baleen, and oil. (Yes, I wrote oil twice.) Then, in 1946, the International Whaling Commission stepped in and said "Hey, wait a minute, guys. There's only a few handful of these majestic creatures left in the entire world, so maybe we should try to not kill them anymore?"

And even then, commercial whaling was still legal in some parts of the world until as recently as 1986.

International Whaling Commission, harpoons

Tail in the water.

Whale's tail pale ale GIF via GoPro/YouTube

And yet by some miracle, there are whales who were born before "Moby-Dick" was published that are still alive today.

What are the odds of that? Honestly it's hard to calculate since we can't exactly swim up to a bowhead and say, "Hey, how old are you?" and expect a response. (Also that's a rude question — jeez.)

Thanks to some thoughtful collaboration between researchers and traditional Inupiat whalers (who are still allowed to hunt for survival), scientists have used amino acids in the eyes of whales and harpoon fragments lodged in their carcasses to determine the age of these enormous animals — and they found at least three bowhead whales who were living prior to 1850.

Granted those are bowheads, not sperm whales like the fictional Moby Dick, (and none of them are albino, I think), but still. Pretty amazing, huh?

whale blubber, blue whales, extinction

This bowhead is presumably in adolescence, given its apparent underwater moping.

GIF via National Geographic.

This is a particularly remarkable feat considering that the entire species was dwindling near extinction.

Barring these few centenarian leviathans, most of the whales still kickin' it today are between 20 and 70 years old. That's because most whale populations were reduced to 10% or less of their numbers between the 18th and 20th centuries, thanks to a few over-eager hunters (and by a few, I mean all of them).

Today, sperm whales are considered one of the most populous species of massive marine mammals; bowheads, on the other hand, are still in trouble, despite a 20% increase in population since the mid-1980s. Makes those few elderly bowheads that much more impressive, huh?

population, Arctic, Great Australian Blight

Southern Right Whales hangin' with a paddleboarder in the Great Australian Bight.

GIF via Jaimen Hudson.

Unfortunately, just as things are looking up, these wonderful whales are in trouble once again.

We might not need to worry our real-life Captain Ahabs anymore, but our big aquatic buddies are still being threatened by industrialization — namely, from oil drilling in the Arctic and the Great Australian Bight.

In the off-chance that companies like Shell and BP manage not to spill millions of gallons of harmful crude oil into the water, the act of drilling alone is likely to maim or kill millions of animals, and the supposedly-safer sonic blasting will blow out their eardrums or worse.

This influx of industrialization also affects their migratory patterns — threatening not only the humans who depend on them, but also the entire marine ecosystem.

And I mean, c'mon — who would want to hurt this adorable face?

social responsibility, nature, extinction

BOOP.

Image from Pixabay.

Whales might be large and long-living. But they still need our help to survive.

If you want another whale to make it to his two-hundred-and-eleventy-first birthday (which you should because I hear they throw great parties), then sign this petition to protect the waters from Big Oil and other industrial threats.

I guarantee Moby Dick will appreciate it.


This article originally appeared on 11.04.15

From Your Site Articles
Identity

This artist brilliantly tackles the concept of 'being offended' in a colorful comic.

Maybe we need a new word for 'offended.'

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

Here’s a thought.

Self proclaimed feminist killjoy Rebecca Cohen is a cartoonist based in Berkeley, California.

Here’s what she has to say about her role as an artist taken from her Patreon page.

She says:

"In these trying times, the world needs a hero to resist the forces of tyranny.

That hero is definitely not me.


I just draw funny pictures and like to share my opinions. I'm Rebecca, also known as @gynostar."

Enjoy one of her comics below.

friends, discrimination, hurtful words

An all to common exchange.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

comics, jokes Rebecca Cohen

It’s only words.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

power of words, conversation, hostile environments

Simple jokes contain implicit ideas.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

equality, community, inclusive

Discussing the impact of words.

All images by Rebecca Cohen, used with permission.

This article originally appeared on 10.19.16



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