upworthy

If you've been seeing an 'X' pop up in your texts lately, this is what you need to know about it.

The way they tell us about it is kinda funny ... but the message behind it is no laughing matter.

Texting and driving is a problem pretty much everyone is strongly against, but if we're really honest with ourselves, many of us have done it at least once.

When it comes to texting and driving, we've only had two (kinda crappy) options in the past. Now there's an awesome new third option when it comes to texting and driving.

Meet Joe. His mom has just sent him a text, but he's about to start driving.

Don't do it, Joe! Don't do it!

Option 1 is to ignore her text until he arrives at his destination.

He might come across as a jerk for cutting off their conversation. His mom might even start worrying because he suddenly stops responding (you know, because texting and driving can be dangerous). But he decides this is the best course of action. It's safer. Even if it makes his mom worry a bit.

Diagram 1: Mom worrying a bit

Option 2 is to sneak a quick text, maybe at a red light or when there's not much traffic around.

We might think we know how to text and drive safely, and we tell ourselves, "I'll just do it this one time." But the reality is we're risking lives. And not just our lives.

Diagram 2: Texting while driving and/or at a red light

Option 3 is the newest option, and one I hope more people embrace. It's called #X.

It's a movement that was originally created by the It Can Wait campaign to prevent texting and driving, and now it's taking off. Celebrities like Demi Lovato and Rascal Flatts have helped to make the #X movement mainstream.

Diagram 3: Hashtag X

When you're about to start driving, send the person you were texting a "#X" message to let them know that you're about to drive and you'll respond once you've stopped.

FACT: Cell phones are involved in about 1.6 million auto-related accidents annually.

Pause your conversation to save your life and someone else's.

Modern Families

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Can't you guys come to us for once?

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase: "When are you bringing them over?" Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

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Joy

Dad shares joyful celebration of America's diversity in his kids' school Parade of Nations

A beautiful reminder of what we can be.

Representative photo credit: Canva

Kids from all around the world call the U.S. home.

It's often been said that the United States is a nation of immigrants, a melting pot, a salad bowl, a mosaic or kaleidoscope of cultures. Since the country's founding, people from around the world have made their way to its shores, some seeking opportunity, some seeking asylum, some by choice and some by force, each adding their own threads to the tapestry of American identity.

Immigration creates greater diversity, and in at least one school in Michigan, students' cultural diversity is being celebrated annually in a joyful Parade of Nations. A dad shared a video after getting back from the event at his kids' school, saying he was "in tears" during it. "Forty-two countries were represented across 200 students, and it was amazing, he said.

Watch:

@thatdadlove

42 countries. One school. One United States of America. This is what diversity looks like. 🌍 While some try to divide us, today was a reminder of what makes us stronger—diversity, representation, inclusion and the power of community. Our kids aren’t just learning about different cultures; they’re growing up surrounded by them. Diversity isn’t a buzzword—it’s the foundation for a better future. Let’s protect it. 💙 #paradeofnations #diversity #diversitymatters #representation #unity #parentingwithpurpose #tiktokpartner

Their beaming faces. The spring in their step. Them wearing the colors of the flags of their countries of origin with pride. The whole crowd cheering each one on. This is such a beautiful reminder of what we can be when we're not operating from a place of prejudice, fear or hate. These kids were all part of the same community, all with a shared identity as part of that community, while also having their different cultural heritage celebrated and honored.

People loved to see the reminder of what our nation can be.

"This is what the US is supposed to look like. We all fam in the club."

"This made me tear up. We really have what it takes to be a great nation but hate won't let us get there. Glad those kiddos had so much fun!"

"Maybe, just maybe, we could see the world through their eyes, rather than our own. We'd have more compassion and handle situations in a more empathetic way."

"This is amazing. Those children will remember this forever. They were ALL seen on that day."

"This made me cry too much because this is what makes America great. The diversity of the people that reside here and the hope of a better future. I needed this today, thank you."

"I'm in full blown sobs, they're all so beautiful!!! Extra love to the solo ones holding it down and representing with so much pride and joy. Endless blessings for the youth."

Maya Angelou Quote GIF by LA vs. HateGiphy

People sometimes say "diversity is our strength," and there's actual research to back that up. Different cultural contexts give people different perspectives and ways of looking a things, and when you put those differences together, incredible things can happen. "Overwhelming evidence suggests that teams that include different kinds of thinkers outperform homogeneous groups on complex tasks, including improved problem solving, increased innovation, and more-accurate predictions—all of which lead to better performance and results when a diverse team is tasked to approach a given problem," write authors of a study on diversity in biomedical research.

Diversity appears to bolster business innovation as well. A study of 1,700 companies by Harvard Business Review found that " indeed there was a statistically significant relationship between diversity and innovation outcomes in all countries examined" and "the more dimensions of diversity were represented, the stronger the relationship was." Additionally, "the most-diverse enterprises were also the most innovative, as measured by the freshness of their revenue mix."

When we actually see diversity as our strength and ensure that diverse perspectives have a seat at the table, everyone wins. As this school reminds us, it's entirely possible to have shared identities and different identities at the same time, and that celebrating diversity makes room for that. The U.S. has always been a nation of immigrants, and the diversity that comes from that is a big part of who we are. Let's embrace it with pride and celebration like these kids have.

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Popular

What are the 'non-obvious' signs someone is super smart? Here are 15 that people notice.

You can tell by the way they interact with people and ideas.

via Associated Press/Wikimedia Commons

Albert Einstein writing on a blackboard.

There are some obvious ways to determine if someone is highly intelligent, like when you see them work out a complex trigonometry problem on a blackboard or when they can easily explain the science behind mRNA vaccines or dark matter.

But there are also those we meet at social gatherings who immediately make us think they are very smart. Usually, it isn’t because they are making a long-winded speech about the fall of the Roman Empire or explaining quarks. We know they are intelligent because of the way they interact with people and ideas.

A Redditor named SomethingAbout2020 asked people on the AskReddit forum to share the “non-obvious signs” that people are intelligent. Many of their responses centered around how highly intelligent people are open-minded, curious and don’t waste their time arguing with others.

Brilliant people are confident in what they know, consider other people’s opinions and readily admit when they don’t know the answer.

Here are 15 of the best responses to the question: What are the non-obvious signs of a smart person?

1. They know what they don't know

"They acknowledge areas where they lack knowledge."

"'Never pretend to know something when you don't' is something I always teach. It covers lying and ignorance."

2. They consider other people's ideas

"They’ll listen to the other's facts and points and take them into account when giving an objection."

"One of the best developers at my last job and manager of a project I was at is an extremely intelligent person. ... One thing I noticed is how he would take everyone's opinion into account. He would take my opinions into consideration even if I'm not a smarter person or know less about development."

3. They make you feel smart

"Talking to a dumb person will make you feel smart. Talking to a smart person will make you feel dumb. Talking to a very smart person will make you feel smart."

4. They see patterns

"Part of the reason smart people throughout history are well-known is because they discovered something new and figured out how to maximize its potential. Darwin was a guy who discovered a bunch of islands with slightly different animals. He then collected and analyzed that data to come up with the theory of evolution, which was largely correct. Einstein’s theory of relativity was based off of his observation that physics acted on everything equally. He figured out that “exceptions” were because of the way high-speed objects interact with the universe’s speed limit (the speed of light). He recognized these exceptions by gathering them and recognizing the pattern between them all, then created his theory of relativity based on that."



5. They consider multiple intelligences

"They realize not everyone is smart the same way. Your 'stupid hick neighbor' might have dropped out of school in 8th grade, but he can drive your car once and tell you exactly what's wrong, then fix it. That a**hole in school that had no empathy for anyone and showed no emotion made that sci-fi sh*t you thought would never be real. Yeah, she's dingy and her worldview is tiny, but she's the best teacher you've ever met and inspires tons of kids to go on and do great things with themselves. There's no one-size-fits-all answer here, really."

People who are super smart are probably familiar with Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. The theory suggests that people have more than just one type of just one type of intelligence, like being good at mathematics. Gardener says there are several, including musical, spatial, linguistic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and kinesthetic intelligence. This theory opens the door for people to appreciate different forms of intelligence that may not be of the academic variety.

6. They choose their battles

"When another person is not able to process something and, therefore, sticks with his opinion, after a few tries, the smart person just gives up. There is no use in trying to make someone understand something while they already have an uneducated opinion."

7. They speak to their audience

"They know how to explain concepts on just about any level, tailoring that level to their intended audience, and without coming across as condescending in any way."

"I heard a saying that went 'you have to be an expert to explain it simply.'"

8. They're confident in their intelligence

"Not constantly bragging about their intelligence. If they truly are smart, people can figure that out pretty quickly without them doing anything to show it."

"You generally only brag about things you're insecure about because you seek validation. If you are very comfortable with your intelligence then you may not care if someone misinterprets you and makes you look dumb or something. You have nothing to prove. That's not just for intelligence but for anything."

9. They're funny

"I think the smart people are even more funny than stupid people because smart people understand the complexity behind humor and can make their jokes reflect that."

Scientific studies show that people who are funny, especially those who have a dark sense of humor, are more intelligent than their not-so-funny peers. Researchers argue that it takes cognitive and emotional ability to make people laugh, and analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and non-verbal intelligence.



10. They mind their own business

"This is a big one. They keep to themselves and deal with their own drama."

11. They aren't necessarily great students

"Believe it or not 'average' or 'above average' students are often smarter than those with straight A’s on the report cards. They do enough to pass well and get what they want but don’t let the academic system control them. Life isn’t all about booksmarts. This shows they are independent thinkers and don’t get wrapped up in designed systems. Not all, but many. Many kids who are forced to always be exceptional in school can end up the worst off and can develop deeper issues."

12. They are good listeners

"They actually listen to who they are talking to as opposed to waiting for their turn to talk."

13. Curiosity

"It really does seem to be one of the single greatest differentiators between average and smart."

14. Comfortable in silence

"Being comfortable enough to allow a moment of complete silence while you think when the natural instinct of most is to immediately start replying tells me that you are, at the very least, mindful of what you want to say."

15. Unattached to their opinions

"Most of the smart people I know are not pushy with their opinions; by contrast, most of the opinionated people I know are flaming morons. I don't know if there's a correlation there, but my anecdotal experience has always been that the more eager someone is to state their opinion, the less that opinion is probably worth."


This article originally appeared last year.
smart people
Family

The Gen X 'stay at home mom' crisis is real, but what's the solution?

Some moms in their 40s feel like they were lied to about what their "resume gap" would mean.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

40-something moms who stayed home to be with their kids are finding themselves in uncharted waters.

A few generations ago, parents had pretty clearly defined roles with the dad generally being the breadwinner and the mom being the homemaker and stay-at-home mother. Then, in 1848, the women's rights movement in the United States began with a powerful second wave coming in the 1960s and 70s, empowering women in the workplace, ushering in the era of two working parents, and producing an entire generation of "latchkey kids."

Now those Gen X latchkey kids are parenting Gen Z, with the pendulum of working motherhood having swung somewhat to the middle. We were raised to believe we could be anything we dreamed of being and that we didn't have to choose between being a mom and having a career. Gen X also became mothers during the heyday of parenting self-help books that impressed upon us the importance of attachment and hands-on childrearing, as well as the era of super-scheduled kids, whose activities alone require a full-time manager.

As a result, those of us in our 40s have raised our kids straddling two worlds—one where women can have all of the career success we desire and one where we can choose to be stay-at-home moms who run seemingly effortless households. At first, we were told we could have it all, but when the impossibility of that became clear, we were told, "Well, you can have it all, just not at the same time." But as many moms are finding as their kids start leaving the nest, even that isn't the full truth.

in 2023, a Facebook post by Karen Johnson, aka The 21st Century SAHM (short for "stay-at-home mom") nailed the reality many stay-at-home moms in their 40s are facing as they find themselves floundering with the glaring gap in their resumes.


"This is for all the moms in their 40s who put their careers on hold to do the SAHM thing because you knew you couldn't do both—career you loved and motherhood—and do both WELL, so you picked, saying to yourself, 'This is just for now and we'll see,'" Johnson wrote. "But now it's 15 years later and so much has changed in your career field that you know you can't go back. So really, when you 'took a break' all those years ago, you gave it up."

Johnson explained that yes, moms know they should be grateful for the time they've had with their kids. Most are. That's not the issue. Whether a woman chose to be a stay-at-home mom because she really wanted to or because childcare costs didn't work in the financial equation of the family, the transition out of it feels like completely uncharted waters.

"Okay, so you're looking for a 'career' with part-time hours and a 100% flexible schedule because you're still Mom-on-duty but you do have *just* enough hours during the day to reflect on the fact that you *do* have a college degree (maybe even 2) and although being a mom is the greatest and most important job in the world, you *might* actually want something more to your life than folding laundry and running hangry children to 900 events and remembering that they're all due for dental cleanings," she wrote.

Yup. The "default parent" role is real and weighted heavily toward moms as it is. For stay-at-home moms, it's 100% expected, and that doesn't suddenly end when it's time to start thinking about joining the workforce again.

And, of course, moms barely have time to try to figure all of this out.

woman in white long sleeve shirt holding brown and white labeled can

A working mom is the ultimate multitasker.

Photo by Memento Media on Unsplash

So, as Johnson says, "But for now, you cram yourself into the only pair of jeans you have right now that fit and find a t-shirt on the floor that isn't clean but isn't dirty and will pass for the 4 hours of mom-taxiing you're about to do and you tell yourself, 'I'll figure it out another day. Right now, I gotta get the kids to practice.'" Oof.

Johnson's entire post is worth a read, as it resonates with so many women at this stage of life. But just as telling are the comments from women who not only see themselves in Johnson's description but who feel like they were sold a bill of goods early in their motherhood. So many of us were led to believe that the skills and experiences of managing a family would be valued in the workplace simply because they should be and that the gap in their resume wouldn't matter.

"This hits hard. I am right there too. And all those volunteer hours & leadership positions people said would look good on my resume when I once again applied for jobs? Those people all lied. It means squat," wrote one person.

"Thank you! You spoke my heart. 42 this year, resigned from teaching almost 12 years ago, and never been more confused about my personal future, or exhausted in my present," shared another.

"I’ve never related to a post more in my life! THANK YOU. Your words perfectly summarize the loneliest, most important job in the world and how that perspective shifts in your 40s. It is confusingly beautiful," wrote another.

Some moms have chosen to see their post-stay-at-home era as a fresh start to learn something new, which might lend some inspiration to others.

woman carrying baby with two ladies beside her smiling

Beginnings are often rough, but that's okay.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

There is hope in the comments, too.

"I went back for my master’s degree at 47 years old. I’m now 50 in a new career I love and my husband is doing just fine pulling his weight with after school/carpool/dinner. Happy for the years I stayed home, happy with this new season too," shared one person.

"Yuuuup. I decided to go back to grad school at 45. It’s insane but every term I complete I’m like - omg I’m doing it! So don’t let sweaty out of shape bodies and carpool fatigue stop you. I take naps and write grad school papers and have meltdowns where I cry from the frustration of it all - but dammit I’m doing it!" wrote another.

One mom who is past this stage also offered some words of encouragement:

"So incredibly well written. I feel all these things and did throughout my 40s. Now I'm in my early '50s and I'm so glad I was able to stay home with my kids, but the guilt! The guilt of not using my education, the judgment of people who don't understand why someone would stay home with their kids, the social engineering... We just eat each other alive sometimes don't we? I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it is a very lonely road and one you always question. I can tell you that all three of my kids were so grateful to have a full-time parent. I might not have always been the best, but they were glad to always have someone to talk to if they needed it. It's hard to fill other people's buckets when your bucket isn't full, but the rewards do come back when the kids tell you thank you for everything that you've done. ❤️"

Being a mom is hard, period. Working moms have it hard, stay-at-home moms have it hard, moms who have managed to keep one foot in the career door and one foot in the home have it hard. There's a lot that society could do to support moms more no matter what path they choose (or find themselves on—it's not always a conscious choice), from providing paid maternity leave to greater flexibility with work schedules to retirement plans that account for time away from the workplace. Perhaps that would at least make the many choices moms have today feel more like freedom and less like choosing between a rock and a hard place.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Family

Parents are applauding mom's genius trick for getting her super picky son to eat

She was at wits' end.

via Canva/Photos

A child refusing to eat his salad.

Having a child who’s a picky eater can be highly frustrating for parents. It can mean cooking meals that go to waste, having to plan ahead when going to someone else's house, and late nights in bed worrying if your child is getting proper nourishment. Popular TikToker Becca Marotta had it up to her neck with her son’s picky eating habits, so she tried something out of the box, and it worked.

“Welcome to my new series that I just made up, making my picky eater of a son make all of his own food. That sounds a lot meaner than it actually is,” Marotta joked in her video with over 96,000 views. "My son is the pickiest eater on the damn planet. So, I told him start finding videos of food that you think looks good. I'm gonna buy all the ingredients. I'm gonna help you make it and for some reason, it's working cause it's giving him the incentive to eat the food. And today he chose these beefy tacos. They were so good, and I was so proud of him; he ate the entire thing."

@beccamarottaa

I think I’ve cracked the code on how to make a picky eat actually eat 👐🏼 He ate the entire thing, they were SO good and now he’s looking for his next meal to try and cook #fyp #momsoftiktok #momlife #momtok

Parents applauded her efforts because she broke her son off his picky habits and taught him some valuable life skills. “That’s a really great idea bc then he can see what goes into planning, cooking, and cleaning a meal so maybe he can appreciate it more, try new foods, and learn life skills at the same time. Great job,” one commentator wrote.

“This will create such a good relationship with food. I wish my mom had done this,” another added. To which Marotta replied: “That’s actually my goal. I really want him to finally see food isn’t bad and there’s so much good around cooking and eating.”

How to deal with a child who's a picky eater

Marotta’s bold move to have her son cook his meals may not work for all parents—especially those with younger children. Susan Greenberg, a speech pathologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles who works on “everything from the neck up,” has some additional advice for parents who want to expand their children’s palettes.

“I give my children pouches,” she says. “They have a place, but you need to also introduce different flavors and textures so children are able to accept foods as they get older. The research tells us that the more flavor and texture exposures you have, the more competent of an eater you're going to be later in life,” she told Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.



Greenberg says that if a child doesn’t like a particular food on the first attempt. Don’t worry. It often takes a few exposures to new flavors and textures before children come around. “It takes at least 10 times for some of us to decide if we like a food, and some research says even more than that,” she says. “So we know repeated exposures are important. You have to keep giving that food to kids.”

Dani Lebovitz, a pediatric registered dietitian in Nashville, says we should also avoid labeling kids as picky eaters.

“I don’t believe there is any such thing as a picky eater because we are autonomous people, and we are all entitled to our flavor and texture preferences,” Lebovitz says. “If a child doesn’t want to eat something or they say they don’t like something, it’s not because they’re picky. They’re learning about their taste buds, their flavor preferences, and texture preferences.”

Children are journeying to find textures and flavors they enjoy, and their taste buds change daily. There are stages people go through when appreciating music or art. Sometimes, we must learn how to enjoy simpler experiences before completely understanding broader artistic expression. The same goes for food. But it’s important to continue exposing kids to new experiences so they can grow to appreciate an abundance of flavors and textures.

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