upworthy

Body Image

via KGW-TV / YouTube

NBC correspondent Maggie Vespa

One of the major differences between women and men is that women are often judged based on their looks rather than their character or abilities. "Men as well as women tend to establish the worth of individual women primarily by the way their body looks, research shows. We do not do this when we evaluate men," Naomi Ellemers Ph.D. wrote in Psychology Today.

Dr. Ellers believes that this tendency to judge a woman solely on her looks causes them to be seen as an object rather than a person. "As a result of focusing on their outwardly visible features, we are tempted to overlook their inner states, ignore markers of their intentions, beliefs, and desires, and less likely to empathize with their plight," Ellers continued.

Women in the spotlight are constantly being judged based on their looks rather than their performance in a given field. Serena Williams once won the French Open but all the press was about what she wore on the court.

For example, Hillary Clinton has been constantly being criticized throughout her political life for what she wore or her hair style rather than her accomplishments.

Maggie Vespa, a news anchor at KGW-TV in Portland, was criticized for how she dresses by a male viewer, so she brilliantly took the incident and used it as a way to talk about the double standards women face.

Maggie Vespa, Portland, NBC, Chicago, sexism, twitter, XThe sexist message Maggie Vespa receivedTwitter

"Just wanted to let you know that the clothes you've been wearing, especially those crazy pants that ride half way up your torso, are not cool looking, in any way!," Jeffrey, a male viewer, wrote to Vespa on Facebook. You're way too pretty to look so foolish."

The next day, he sent her another message. "OMG, you really looked uncomfortably tonight. Try dressing like a normal woman. Doesn't KGW pay you enough for a wardrobe makeover?" Jeffrey wrote.

Maggie Vespa, Portland, Chicago, sexism, twitter, XAnother sexist message sent to Maggie VespaTwitter

Vespa posted about the emails on social media and received hundreds of responses, so she carved out a few minutes to discuss the situation on the news.

"Let's just get this out of the way at the top. This is dumb," Vespa responded.

There was no way she was going to start dressing for the male gaze.

"These are my pants. I like them. I bought them."

Maggie went on to show photos of five different pairs of high-waisted pants that she wore in the week following Jeffrey's messages. Maggie's colleagues also got in on it, donning high-waisted pants to show their support.

Maggie Vespa, NBC, Portland, Chicago, Twitter, sexismMaggie Vespa in her previous newsroom via KGW-TV / YouTube

Vespa said the harassment "hit a nerve" with people on social media who used it as an opportunity to discuss "the pressure women obviously face, especially those in the public eye to embody the epitome of physical attractiveness at all times."

"If we don't, it's somehow seen as a sign that we're less credible or less capable and, by and large, guys don't have to deal with this," Vespa continued. " As my awesome male coworkers can and have attested to."

Vespa then brilliantly spun the harassment into an empowering message for women.

"Our goal here is to send a message, to women, to girls, to everyone: Dress how you want, look how you want, and if anybody tries to make you feel less than because of that, that's their problem, not yours," Vespa said.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

People who grew up as nudists have surprisingly normal childhood

Nudity is something that people are often taught to hide in American culture. There are specific places and time where it's acceptable for people to expose their nude bodies like in the shower, doctor's office or gym locker room. There generally aren't many exceptions made unless you're under the age of two and recently learned how to remove unwanted clothing.

But even toddlers are quickly chased down and redressed while they wriggle about trying to escape again. Toddlers aren't the only ones that have a desire to be free from restrictive clothing, some adults prefer to be naked as much as possible. They not only desire to be as naked as a mole rat, they want to live a lifestyle where being nude is the norm.

People that commit to being nudists also get married, raise children and have a network of friends who are also nude. The nudist lifestyle has always been a point of curiosity for many people though most wouldn't dare to ask about it. But curiosity won when someone decided to ask what it was like to grow up as a nudist.

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One of the best ways to learn about another culture or lifestyle is to be curious enough to ask questions to the members from that particular group. It can open up an informative dialogue making things feel a lot less strange and scary, which is exactly what happened when someone dared to ask what it was like growing up nudist. Several people who did grow up in a nudist family share their experiences while others who came into nudism later in life give their take.

"I grew up with nudist parents. They weren't very into the lifestyle but we did go to nude beaches a few times and were generally naked inside the home. I found it comfortable, clothes are a bit of a pain," someone writes in part before continuing. "It definitely desexualized nakedness and helped me appreciate that humans come in all shapes and sizes. When people find out, they often act very shocked but I had a positive experience. Even being a teenage girl in those spaces felt frankly much safer than regular beaches."

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Another person shares about their childhood experience, saying in part, "I'm from the Netherlands. I grew up with 'naturist' parents in the seventies/eighties. There was a slight difference between nudists and naturists, but I can't remember what it was. We weren't naked all the time, but it was fine if you were. We went swimming naked every Sunday afternoon in the city public pool. I remember it felt totally normal for me to be naked in public, and seeing all these different body shapes and quirks.

I think more people are being shy about their naked body than when I was a kid. I'm still comfortable being naked around other naked (or even clothed) strangers, even though my body changed over the years (on the heavy side), and it allows me to not worry about the way I look. I reckon it's quite a task to keep up with what people think you should look like. I feel being nudist/naturist is good for being kind to yourself and the way you look."

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Nudism and its affects are not yet thoroughly studied but in a small study done in the UK they showed that people who spent time naked with others felt more body positivity at the end of the experiment. So one could stand to reason that children exposed to all different body types from a young age would also grow to have a high level of body positivity.

But what about when those children are teenagers? Are they still naked around adults who are also unclothed? One person who's father was a nudist has an answer to those questions and it may be surprising to hear for some people, sharing, "Even the kids were naked. While a 3 year old isn't something surprising, a 10 or 15 year old sure as sh*t was. Made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but that was 100% on me. They were all just running around having fun and nobody cared."

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The experiences shared by adults who were children of nudists all seem pretty mundane. There's no comments sharing anything outside of a normal childhood with the exception of everyone being naked. Clothing was always an option for guests and even children of nudist who wanted to wear them. One person shares that her only source of shame came from people outside of the community.

"My parents weren’t into it in a big way, by any stretch. But we went to nude beaches as a family when we were younger maybe a handful of times? I think mainly in France and perhaps once in Spain. It’s certainly normalized it to me to the extent I think it’s a fine thing to do. I remember telling other people casually though and them being quite shocked. Some even thinking it was ‘abusive’ of my parents to have done that," the commenter reveals in part.

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Naturism may not be for everyone but it doesn't have to be a taboo subject whispered in hushed tones. From the sounds of it nothing nefarious or inappropriate is happening at these locations, just mundane daily living activities. Swimming, cookouts, watching TV and hanging out with friends. If everyone was clothed no one would think twice, so maybe knowing what actually happens at nudist resorts will help people release the stigma.

Photo from YouTube video.

Photo of Skylar.

Even though he was born "Katherine Elizabeth," Skylar lived like a regular little boy for most of his childhood.

He was happy.


This is Skylar.

A photo collection of a young Skylar.

Photo from YouTube video.

Little Skylar.

Photo from YouTube video.

But when puberty hit, he started feeling intense pressure to be "normal" and fit in. So he tried to present as more traditionally "feminine."

Puberty happens.

Photo from YouTube video.

But he couldn't shake the feeling that he was denying a huge part of himself. Late in high school, he started taking testosterone.

Eating and feeling more comfortable.

Photo from YouTube video.

Skylar started feeling more comfortable immediately. And before he knew it, he was at his "dream school," having the time of his life. And taking lots and lots of pictures of himself.

A person and their dog.

Photo from YouTube video.

Access to medical care played a big part in Skylar becoming the person he is today, but that wasn't all.

Check out his story and walk five years in his shoes. It's definitely a perspective we don't see often enough:

This article originally appeared on 08.30.14

Identity

An open letter to men who will have sex with me but won't date me

"It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences — but if you want to have sex with us without being seen in public with us, that's emotionally abusive."


Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship material.

He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too.

Between mind-blowing sex sessions, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies — couple things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.


"Why don't we ever go anywhere?"

"We have everything we need here," he answered while simultaneously distracting me by caressing my shoulder blades.

"We actually don't," I said. "I'm hungry, let's check out that new Indian place around the corner."

"No! We might run into one of my buddies," he said, moving his body further away from me. The underlining meaning was clear — he couldn't take the chance that someone he knew would see him with me.

He needed to keep our relationship on the DL so that no one would ever suspect that he enjoyed spending time with me — a fat woman.

He was super fit, so obviously that's the kind of woman he wanted to be associated with, the kind he could be seen with at the Indian place.

When I realized he was ashamed of being seen with me, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach — a place where much of my pain already resided.

To him, I was fuckable but not dateable. He dumped me soon after that conversation.

He did me a favor by not continuing to lead me on. Otherwise, I might still be trying to prove to him that I was worth any shit he might have gotten from other people. If I was still his secret shame, I might not have met my next boyfriend, so thanks, athletic asshole.

I had hoped that, in this age of body positivity, men would no longer need to hide their desires when it comes to fat women.

But I was wrong.

It's just a sad fact: Many men who are sexually attracted to fat women are ashamed of it.

They're OK with banging a fat girl, but they don't want to hang out with her — someone might judge them for it.

It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences, and not every body type appeals to everyone. But if you find larger women hot and you want to have sex with them without being associated in public with them, that's emotionally abusive.

Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there's consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and wants to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyed you.

Don't act like we're in a relationship if all you really want is to experience what sex with a fat woman is like.

I'll tell you what it's like: It's as amazing and fun as having sex with anyone who's into having sex with you. We don't have magic vaginas, and our breasts don't do any special tricks — well besides the usual, like feed or comfort people.

Fat women are just as hot and sexually gifted as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities. Being fat doesn't mean we're so hungry for attention that we'll put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to rock your world.

If you're with someone who doesn't make you feel beautiful or who isn't proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their ass.

Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you're someone's big dirty secret.

You're not only dateable, you're lovable and worthy of being treated with respect and love.

I regret not standing up for myself when I discovered the athletic guy was only using me for sex. But at least I learned, as we all should learn, that I'm responsible for being my biggest advocate and to never accepting anything less than what I need.


This article was written by Christine Schoenwald and originally appeared on 06.29.18