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I had a couple of months to live and what I'm grateful for is not what you'd think

I did find joy in just the tiniest of ways. Here are a few of them.

I had a couple of months to live and what I'm grateful for is not what you'd think

Sometimes, although well-intentioned, people say the most infuriating stuff when you're facing a health crisis. I know, because it happened to me. After being diagnosed with a fast-moving aortic aneurysm, I was told I was on borrowed time. What a concept! As if I'd gone to the bank and taken out a "time-loan."

Soonish after, I was being lifted onto a gurney by a bunch of dudes who never did introduce themselves. Luckily, I had an amazing surgeon at a top-notch hospital and they took my heart out, (I was on a breathing machine, relax), stitched it up with some kind of polyester netting and sent me off to recovery.

I recall, just seconds before I went under, someone in the room announcing my name, age, height and reason for surgery. Cecily Knobler, 25 year-old female (just kidding, but no one needs my REAL age) 62 inches, aneurysm in the aortic root. I remember thinking in that split second, we are so much more than our names and our inches. We are wine-cooler nights at a mosquito-ridden park in 11th grade. We are the love we had for our dogs and our Big Dipper starry-night crushes and our favorite New Wave songs. We are not our skin or our chemo or our lungs or our fear.

Sometimes when you're in that hospital bed, loved ones just don't know what to say. A lot will tell you once it's all behind you, you'll have a new lease on life. The sunshine will be sunnier, that every breath is a gift, blah, blah, blah. The truth is sometimes it's hard to not get stuck in the woe-is-me cycle of "why did this happen to me?" and/or "what next?"

But I did find joy in just the tiniest of ways. Here are a few:

A strawberry milkshake

strawberry shake in clear drinking glass Photo by Denis on Unsplash

Yep. That simple. Someone went to the cafeteria in the hospital and surprised me with a frothy delicious milkshake I didn't even know I needed. Paired with my tasty IV drip, it was just what the doctor didn't order!

My hospital TV had HBO

lena dunham what GIF by Girls on HBOGiphy

I mean, once I was able to understand the remote, I was overjoyed to see I could watch old episodes of Girls. It hit differently on very little sleep, but I loved it just the same.

A video of my dog

Hungry Dog GIF by Rashmi ChadhaGiphy

A friend who was keeping my mutt while I was "away" sent me iPhone footage of him rolling around in some dirt. It made my heart so full, I almost had to get surgery again!

A night nurse made me laugh

Vintage Nurse GIFGiphy

One of the day nurses and I got into a little tiff. She was trying get me to do a lap on my walker (which apparently is quite good for you) and I told her, "No thanks." We went back and forth for awhile and she finally gave up. Later, when my favorite nurse started his shift at 7:00pm, I told him she had been a bit of a jerk. (I might have used stronger language than that.) He laughed and said, "Oh she's the WORST." This took me by surprise and it was the first laugh I'd had in a long while!

My first bubble bath…3 months later

bored bath GIF by theCHIVEGiphy

After this particular surgery, you're advised to not drive or take baths for 90 days. The driving part I didn't care about, but lavender bubble-baths are my favorite thing. I marked the exact day in my calendar when I could return to that daily habit. And on that day, it was the best darn lavender bubble-bath I'd ever had.

Planet

Enter this giveaway for a free, fun date! 🌊 💗

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True

Our love for the ocean runs deep. Does yours? Enter here!

This Valentine’s Day, we're teaming up with Ocean Wise to give you the chance to win the ultimate ocean-friendly date. Whether you're savoring a romantic seafood dinner, catching waves with surf lessons, or grooving to a concert by the beach, your next date could be on us!

Here’s how to enter:

  • Go to ocean.org/date and complete the quick form for a chance to win - it’s as easy as that.
  • P.s. If you follow @oceanwise or donate after entering, you’ll get extra entries!

Here are the incredible dates:

1. Staycation + Surf Lesson

Hang ten on the ultimate ocean date! Whether you're beginners or seasoned surfers, a cozy stay by the ocean and surf lessons will have you riding the waves and making unforgettable memories together.


2. A Year of Netflix

Get cozy and explore the wonders of the ocean right from your couch! Whether you're diving into breathtaking documentaries or finally watching My Octopus Teacher, enjoy a full year of streaming on us.

3. BeachLife Festival Tickets

Soak up the sun and enjoy Lenny Kravitz, Sublime, Alanis Morissette, and more at BeachLife Festival May 2-4, 2025. Celebrate your love for music and sea at the LA’s Premier Beach Music Festival!

4. Private Cooking Lesson with Michelin-starred Chef

Learn how to make a delicious meal with Matthew Kammerer who has earned a Michelin green star due to his commitment to sustainability in addition to two Michelin stars for his restaurant - Harbor House Inn.

5. Dinner for Two at Wrench and Rodent

Sustainable seafood isn’t just delicious, it’s an excellent way to combat overfishing. Enjoy dinner for two at the incredible Wrench and Rodent, courtesy of Chef Davin Waite in San Diego, California. Wow your date with both a delicious meal and the knowledge you’re supporting a healthy, thriving ocean!


Giveaway ends 2/11/25 at 11:59pm PT. Winners will be selected at random and contacted via email from the Upworthy. No purchase necessary. Open to residents of the U.S. and specific Canadian provinces that have reached age of majority in their state/province/territory of residence at the time. Please see terms and conditions for specific instructions. Giveaway not affiliated with Instagram. More details at ocean.org/date

Joy

Single woman shares the hilarious 'deal breaker' she uses when she doesn't want a second date

Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How Jo Brundza gets out of a date.

It's uncomfortable for people to tell someone they met for a first date that they aren’t interested in a second one because nobody enjoys hurting another person’s feelings. TikToker Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How does she do it? Once she realizes she doesn’t want to see them again, she rants about the moon.

“From that realization and on, I spend the rest of the date trying to convince the other person that I don’t think the moon is real,” she says. Now, many folks out there incorrectly believe that the moon landing was faked, but she goes a step further by saying the massive celestial object doesn’t exist at all.

“They’re typically too stunned to argue back,” she says.

@jbrundz

They’re typically too stunned to argue back #fyp #dating #funny #bits

In a follow-up video, Brundza outlines the three arguments she uses to prove that the moon isn’t real:

1. If you know, you know

"I just think it's ridiculous that all these billionaires are going up into space. I mean, when they get up there, what do they expect to be there, or not be up there?"

2. False evidence

"Look, I'm just saying that if you look at the science of how light refraction works when it enters the atmosphere, it would bend it in a way that to the naked eye would look like solid mass, but it's not. Also, at the end of the day, do you know anyone who has actually been to the moon?"

3. Blame Greenland

"Eighty percent of the island is covered in ice and uninhabitable. You're really gonna tell me that's not where the projectors are? Actually, now that I think about it, do you personally know anyone who's ever been to Greenland?"

@jbrundz

Replying to @TySpice Bonus points if you can somehow work in that the sun is fake too #fyp #funny #bits

Works like a charm.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

Health

From the guy who brought us FOMO, here's how to combat its 'insidious twin,' FOBO

FOBO might actually be causing more damage in your everyday life. Here's how to fix it.

Patrick J. McGinnis called FOBO "FOMO's insidious twin"

Thanks to “pop entrepreneur” and author Patrick J. McGinnis back in 2004, we had a term to quantify that inexplicable dread of possibly missing out on something fun, grand, or important, otherwise known as “FOMO.

But McGinnis also coined a term that, arguably, is even more applicable in our everyday lives—“FOBO.” FOBO, as McGinnis writes on his blog, is the “insidious twin of FOMO,” standing for Fear Of a Better Option.

While both FOMO and FOBO are similar in that both derive from a fear of making the “wrong” decision, FOBO distinguishes itself in “intentionality,” McGinnis explains, describing FOMO as "involuntary" and FOBO as a more deliberate “coping mechanism” to the abundance of choices to be made in the modern day.

“When facing these decisions, you pass them through several lenses: your life experience, past disappointments, and yours and other people's expectations, among others. The more choices you have, the more you have to think about when you’re trying to make a decision. What if you choose the wrong thing…You think to yourself: “I have an idea - I’ll just not decide!” You delay making decisions for as long as possible just in case something actually does come along.”

media3.giphy.com

According to McGinnis, FOBO can look like refusing to “settle” for the options available to us in the moment, piling up as many options as possible, constantly responding with “maybes” or “I’ll get back to you on that,” abandoning ship when it’s time to actually finalize plans, or canceling any plans made a the last minute for “another, shinier option.” I think any of us can remember a time when we were guilty of something like this.

And while McGinnis originally intended for FOBO to be used in the setting of an office environment, it’s easy to see how it manifests in our everyday lives, causing us to never truly commit to anything—including potential passion projects, friends, family functions, you name it—and thus never truly feeling a sense of fulfillment, growth, or trust in our decision making.

“FOBO is a serious problem that can inflict far more damage than FOMO,” McGinnis told Huffpost. “Unlike FOMO, which is largely an internal struggle that mostly hurts you, the costs of FOBO aren’t just borne by you, they are also imposed on those around you.”

So how does one combat FOBO? What strategies help us no longer live in the “in-between” land of "maybe" and trust our instinct once and for all? There are several expert suggestions for this. And while they may be oriented towards work and career, you can easily apply the principles to your everyday life.

media3.giphy.com

For instance, career coach Helen Thomas suggests getting clear on your main values, doing actual research on something you are pondering (rather than letting it sit in your head), adopting a progress over perfection mindset (as in, accepting that whatever choice you may need not be perfect, so long as you actually make it and act on it), making a contingency plan for if your original decision doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, and of course, committing to a path while accepting that maybe there is no one “right” choice. It all boils down to embracing imperfection while being devoted to your growth, really.

And finally, some words of encouragement form McGinnis himself:

“FOBO is a learned behavior, but it can be unlearned as well. And while you might think that cutting down your options will mean you’ll suffer, you’ll find it is actually entirely liberating.”

Popular

The laughably worst haircuts that have perfectly defined 6 different generations

History is great. But sometimes hairstyles tell us everything.

Each generation has a top and bottom cut. Let's see 'em.

When actress Sash Striga (@sashstriga on TikTok) went in for a "cool girl chic" tweak to a haircut she had gotten five days earlier, things did not go as planned. "Very flirty, very flowy," she told the stylist as they discussed making her already short hair a bit "shorter in the back" and "less wide on the sides."

"I can do that," he confidently answered. But after a long while of snipping (and then clipping!), Sash took to TikTok to describe the moment she saw him turn ghostly pale, possibly realizing he'd made a few mistakes.

In her video, she recounts the story while wearing a grey beanie. When she finally removes it, she reveals what can only be described as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl Manic Pixie Dream Girl gone horribly wrong. But her pure joy in the awfulness of it all is delightful to watch, and a good reminder that it will always grow back.

@sashstriga

I’m more mad at myself than anything tbh 🫠 #badhairday #badhaircut #toronto #torontolife #fyp #hairstyle #hair #badhaircutcheck

While all of these unfortunate trends have or will be recycled through different generations, take a look at what might arguably be the worst hair trends since the '40s!


The Silent Generation: The Bouffant

marge simpson pulling atbouffant her hairfrustrated marge simpson GIFGiphy

If you were born in the later part of this generation (say, 1943), you'd be just the right age to wear this wacky hairdo to a high school dance. There couldn’t possibly be enough hairspray or teasing combs for this up-do to reach the heavens. And yet, that never stopped anyone from trying.


Baby Boomers: The Shag

woman with shag haircutGIF by SliceGiphy

A Baby Boomer born smack-dab in the middle of their generation might have started caring about their hairstyle around 1970. This was the BEST time for hair and the Shag had it all: the bouncy middle part, the sexy curtain bangs—everything. Even the edgier cuts like The Shag were kinda hot. But even hot haircuts can turn cold with the wrong scissors.


Gen X: The Mullet

a man with a mullet fist pumping Happy Seann William Scott GIFGiphy

This "business in the front, party in the back" hairstyle is nothing new. In fact, it has been stated by historian Suetonius that "the Roman emperor Tiberius 'wore his hair rather long at the back, so much so as even to cover the nape of his neck,' and that this was a tradition of his family, the Claudians."

Technically, Boomers also bear responsibility for the mullet, but it was the Xers who really made it sing.

The '80s had so many outrageous hair choices that this category gets two entries:


Also Gen X: The Rattail

gif of men with rattails square pegs 80s GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy

Something strange emerged in the '80s. Well, a lot of strange things came about, but somewhere, some hairdresser woke up and said, "Yes, we will leave a piece of hair hanging, and sometimes, we might even braid it."


Millennials: The Bowl Cut

man shaking out his bowl cutHappy Haircut GIF by Australian Ninja WarriorGiphy

We saw the odd The Three Stooges"Moe" cut on Sash, who is technically a young millennial, just missing the cusp of a Gen Z-er by two years. At least it was a nice update to the traditionally awful "bowl cut." But it was the millennials who brought this unfortunate look back in the early '90s.


Gen Z: The Broccoli Cut (aka the Zoomer Perm)

The Broccoli Cut is..,something Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Imagine thinking this is a good idea: "We'll cut the sides real short, and leave it long on top. Sure, that works. But wait! Then we'll PERM the top and let it just sit there." For some reason, in the UK, this was renamed the "Meet me at McDonald's haircut," and it's so disturbing that some schools have even banned it. Many Zoomers disagree, though, and it's still quite a popular look on TikTok.

Mental Health

Things people 'used to believe in strongly' but no longer do

From adults being "smart" to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."

People used to believe "strongly" in these things but no longer do.

It’s normal to adapt your worldview with time and wisdom, especially after realizing that a lot of your past beliefs were built on shaky foundations. When I was a kid, for example, I used to think every doctor on the planet was a virtuous genius—and then I had the pleasure of searching for a long-term gastroenterologist. (I did find a virtuous genius, mind you. But it took a lot of searching.)

On that note, it’s a fascinating exercise to think about our shifting perceptions. In a recent viral post, a group of strangers sounded off on the following prompt: "What’s something you used to believe in strongly but no longer do?"

As of this writing, the top response in the r/AskReddit thread is, "I used to really believe in 'everything happens for a reason,' but now I think sometimes things just happen and we make meaning from it." The exchanges are both enlightening and hilarious as people politely debate the very definition of "reason."

- YouTubeTurning 40 got me thinking about all the lessons I've learned over the years—things I wish someone had told me in my 20s and ...

"It’s up to us to find meaning in what happens," another user wrote, pointing to the random nature of life. "[N]ot everything has some bigger purpose."

Someone replied that "things happen for reasons," just not by some grandiose design. "[H]istory is less God’s plan and more eldritch Lovecraftian chaos. The events of your life were largely decided long ago by patterns of history and culture that none of us can really understand other than to break them down to hyper specific pieces. Even then it largely just seems to drive us insane."

Of course, the question of faith and God was popular and reflected recent research on Americans and religion. In September 2022, the Pew Research Center published a report focused on the decline of Americans’ religious beliefs in recent decades. "Since 2007, the percentage of adults who say they are atheist, agnostic or 'nothing in particular' in the Center’s surveys has grown from 16% to 29%," they wrote. "During this time, the share of U.S. adults who identify as Christian has fallen from 78% to 63%."

Perhaps the most succinct reply in this exchange: "There is a reason. That reason is just usually a combination of entropy and human stupidity."

Someone else wrote that they no longer believe "that adults [are] smart," earning a lot of upvotes. As I illustrated in my comment about doctors, I couldn’t agree more with this one. Growing up, I thought all people over 30 (even those with a low IQ), were rich in other forms of intelligence like life experience and street smarts. Now I’m older than my parents were when I was born, and I realize how wrong I was.

gif of Joey Tribbiana tapping his head and saying, "Not just a hat rack, my friend."Season 6 Knowledge GIF by FriendsGiphy

One user no longer believes that "everything that goes around comes around," and they weren’t alone. In an amazing response, someone wrote, "Karma is highly misunderstood. Good and bad don’t exist; it’s all a matter of perspective. Karma is closer to physics—actions and decisions create consequences that affect our lives in sometimes unseen or unpredictable ways." Deep.

Other responses touch on the death penalty, the nature of empathy, marriage, spirituality, the nature of truth, welfare, marijuana, the idea that "you should never walk out of a job," Santa Claus, the justice system, the American Dream, and the concept of college being "always worth it."

On a lighter note, someone simply wrote, "[That] mayo on fries is gross. Spoiler, it's not."

Celebrity

1930s actress gave up Hollywood at the peak of her career because she refused to 'pass' as white

The character that made her famous was ashamed of her heritage, but Fredi Washington was not.

1930s actress refused to 'pass' as white, so she quit Hollywood instead.

A lot has changed since the early to mid 1900s. We no longer see "whites only" signs tauntingly hanging above water fountains or outside of pools or restaurants. The only place you'll find a sign that says "No Blacks. No Mexicans. No dogs" now is inside of a civil rights museum, but this wasn't always the case.

Living in the 21st century it can be easy to forget that in our not too distant past, segregation, racism and discrimination was the norm. Discrimination was written into laws and it took brave people to stand up against a system that held them as second class citizens. It wasn't just the civil rights leaders we learn about in school that made a stand, it took people from all industries and walks of life to speak up even if it meant they may lose the little privileges they had.

Fredrika "Fredi" Carolyn Washington was one of those people that used her voice during a time when it would've been easier to stay quiet. Washington was an actress and dancer in the 1930s who catapulted to fame with her portrayal of Peola Johnson, the daughter of a Black housekeeper who decided to pass for white to obtain access to better opportunities and social standing in a segregated America in the 1934 film Imitation of Life.

Just like her character, Washington was so fair-skinned that she looked white to those who didn't know her, though that's where the similarities to her character ended. Though she had blue-grey eyes and light brown hair with a loose curl, she had no personal interest in pretending to be white even if doing so would greatly benefit her career and her life.

Washington explained to the Chicago Defender in 1935 at the height of her fame, “I have never tried to pass for white and never had any desire, I am proud of my race.” In Imitation of Life, I was showing how a girl might feel under the circumstances but I am not showing how I felt.”

After her success playing Peola, Washington faced a dilemma. In order for her career to keep thriving after her breakout hit, she was advised to pass as white to get more roles. At the time, Black women were type cast in servant roles like maids, cooks, or caregivers, but Washington was too fair-skinned to believably play those parts. If she wanted lead roles, she would need to pass as white since only white women were allowed to play lead romantic interests.

"Early in my career it was suggested that I might get further by passing as French or something exotic. But there was no way I could do that, feeling the way I do. I felt you do not have to be white to be good. I've spent most of my life trying to prove that to people who thought otherwise," Washington said in 1945.

Washington later starred in the 1937 film One Mile from Heaven, which was her first role since her success as Peola three years earlier. The actress had to use makeup to darken her skin for the role and, afterwards, she decided to walk away from Hollywood for good. Instead, Washington focused on African-American Civil Rights, even co-founding the Negro Actors Guild of America (NAG).

Washington expressed no regrets about her refusal to pass, saying, "But to pass, for economic or other advantages, would have meant that I swallowed, whole hog, the idea of Black inferiority. I did not think up this system, and I was not responsible for how I looked. I'm a Black woman and proud of it and I will fight injustices and encourage others to fight them until the day I die or until there is nothing to fight against."

While quite a few Black people with fairer complexions and racially ambiguous features chose to pass as white during segregation (and beyond), Washington wasn't alone in her refusal. Passing as white often meant completely alienating yourself from your family and friends, participating in the very treatment you were trying to avoid having inflicted on yourself, and living in fear of being found out. In fact, many Black authors of the Harlem Renaissance penned novels and essays about passing and its consequences, the most prominent of which being Passing by Nella Larsen (1929).

Washington rejected any idea of passing to make her life easier. Instead, she focused her efforts on bettering the lives of Black Americans through her co-founding of the NAG, her work with the NAACP, and lobbying for federal protections for Black people. She lived to be 90 years old.