A man and woman hitting it off on a date.
When people talk about those with excellent social skills, we often say they are charismatic, have a way with people, or were born with the gift of gab. They may have an “infectious energy” or be able to talk to anyone. It can often seem like these are innate qualities that someone is born with, but they are also skills most can learn.
One of the easiest ways to become more sociable is to improve your listening skills. Studies show that people who are great at listening ask genuine questions, are attentive, and pay attention to body language. Also, by presenting positive body language, you can give the impression to others that you are more approachable and are intently listening to what the other person is saying.
That being said, some barriers make it harder for some people to develop excellent social skills. A lot of it has to do with how they were raised. “Learning social skills can be difficult if you weren’t exposed to traditional group dynamics as a child, if you struggle with a mental illness like anxiety or depression, or even if you just didn’t have a lot of positive role models when you were growing up,” Eric Ravenscraft writes for The New York Times.
Two women having a great converation. via Canva/Photos
Another way to improve one’s social skills is to find what other people find attractive, not just in a romantic sense, but what makes them enjoyable to be around. A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum asked people what the “most attractive “social skill” and people sounded off the things that make people a pleasure to talk to and be around.
Here are 14 of the “most attractive” social skills.
"Being able to make everyone feel included. I am a bit of an anxious mess sometimes, and I LOVE the type of person that just makes you feel accepted/included/ a part of the group."
"Not afraid to break eye contact, but not too long enough to make the other person feel uncomfortable. Not being afraid to open up or tell something vulnerable."
"Knowing how to break away eye contact is never emphasized. Like, aren't people aware that intense eye contact looks psychopathic, creepy, or disturbing?"
"A very underrated one is being able to make the person you are talking to feel good/smart about themselves. I had a few mentors that did this. Anytime I’d say something, they would make me feel smart/good by responding, 'Yes, you are totally right,' or something along those lines. Of course, it needs to be genuine, but you can tell the difference in how people react. Also, if you know someone has knowledge about something, asking them questions about is great too."
A man and woman having a great conversaion.via Canva/Photos
"Being a good listener. I don't mean by just nodding and agreeing with the person and forgetting what they've told you or submitting yourself to a ranter because you're a people pleaser. I mean when someone makes you feel comfortable speaking, they ask questions, they engage, etc. Extra bonus if the speaker is also a listener and hasn't had anyone else to listen to them because others just use them."
"Women have this joke about 'Let a man speak for ten minutes and he’ll think he’s in love with you' but there’s reasons for that lol. For one thing, so many people are terrible listeners, so it is genuinely attractive. They’ve probably just never shut up for more than a few minutes in their life before. l And the other is that men are so deprived for healthy interactions like this where the other person actually cares about what they’re saying, that it genuinely means a lot to them because it’s so rare."
"As an awkward person, letting someone else take over the conversation while I smile and nod has never failed me."
Humorous people aren't just fun to be around; studies show that when both men and women read someone's dating profile, those who are funny are more attractive. Research has found that one of the most important reasons is that funny people signal adaptability and creative problem-solving—traits crucial for maintaining long-term relationships. "In this sense, humor isn’t just about making people laugh—it may reflect an individual’s ability to approach challenges with flexibility and innovation, key traits for navigating a relationship’s ups and downs," Brian Collisson Ph.D. writes at Psychology Today.
"Anyone who is able to unapologetically separate themselves from the Hive-Mind. It’s so easy to get caught up in the crowd and develop thoughts, opinions, and ideas of those you surround yourself with. So, anyone with the ability to objectively approach any situation, topic, or person without immediate judgement and rationally decipher thru all the bullsh*t regardless of what others may think or say…extremely attractive…and rare."
"I was going to say partner dancing lol. I've been learning to salsa dance at a social dance club near me, and it's been a blast. Have loved it so far."
"There’s a lot of communication and give and take going on in salsa dancing and other traditional Latin dances that are invisible to the naked eye. Definitely adds like 10 points if you’re good at it lol."
"People sometimes think connecting is about so many specifics: these particular words, that length of eye contact, some sort of posture etc. When, in fact, what people are MOST affected by is your tone of voice. If you're able to convey WARMTH you can win over 95 percent of people. I would define warmth as friendliness, extending an invitation with your voice, ACCEPTING people using your tone, and kind of an inherent confidence while doing that. It's something that I call a 'Vocal Hug.' Once you know how to do this, almost everything else falls into place."
"You won’t get an answer 'cause it’s not something that can be described in words, just a feeling. When you’re there you know and when it’s done to you you know."
"It’s so obscure, but we all recognize it when we meet someone that has it. It’s a feeling. It’s all psychological."
"I love banter. I love an easy back-and-forth that doesn’t feel caustic or uncomfortable the way that teasing sometimes does, where you have to guess or overthink whether that comment was meant to push at your boundaries or not."
A man and woman having a fun conversation.via Canva/Photos
"For me, the most attractive social skill is the ability to explain something confidently in a way that makes everyone listen and understand."
"Having nice words left despite being in a bad mood. Everyone knows following situation: Someone comes to work with a bad mood, starts getting mad about the smallest stuff, colleagues get pissed because they get yelled at for the smallest stuff and suddenly everyone is is pissed at each other. I have big respect for people that can be surrounded by such negativity and still find the time to give a smile, compliments and ask how you're doing."
"The people who don’t rush to fill every silence or feel the need to are AMAZING …. I wish one day i’ll meet someone i can enjoy silence with."
"Comfortable silences are always greatly appreciated. Conversation can be great and helpful at passing the time, but it’s a healthy sign that one is mentally/emotionally mature enough to realize that neither need to be constantly entertained like children. It can also indicate a person who genuinely enjoys being around you and is comforted by your presence."
"Facts. Silence isn’t awkward unless you make it awkward."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
Jessica Higgs had a sense that something wasn't right at a customer's house and her action saved his life.
One the more mysterious aspects of being human is our sense of intuition. This "sixth sense" isn't something we can see or measure, but many people have experienced it in some form or fashion. Maybe it comes as a strong feeling that something isn't right, or that we or someone else should or shouldn't do something. It can be hard to read—not every feeling we get is truly our intuition—but there are plenty of examples of people trusting their instincts and being glad they did.
One such story has gone viral on TikTok. Jessica Higgs, a mom who works as an Instacart grocery delivery person, shared a story in an emotional video that illustrates the importance of listening to that inner voice when it prompts you to make sure someone is OK.
"I just want to start this off by saying if you see something, say something," Higgs said.
Animated GIFGiphy
She explained how she had done an Instacart order the previous day for a daughter who was ordering for her older dad who couldn't shop for himself. She said she was going the extra mile like she always does for her customers, and that the daughter told her to just drop the groceries on the porch and he'd get them. That's what Higgs would usually do.
"I get there and something was telling me no, you gotta help this man out," she said. "He came out, and I was like OK let me help you, and I got the groceries. You're not supposed to go into someone's house, but I used my judgment and I brought the groceries inside and put them down wherever he wanted me to put them down. You're not supposed to, but I did. And you're supposed to just take a picture and leave, and I could not just leave."
@jessicahiggs3 @Instacart #28DaysOfEucerin #fyp
Higgs noticed that the man looked really sick and she was really concerned. A voice in her head said, "You gotta say something. You gotta say something, Jess." Rather than mark the order as complete, she messaged the man's daughter and told her that it was really unprofessional to say something like this, but she felt like her dad wasn't doing well. "There's a propane tank in there," she told the woman. "I was in there maybe five feet and I got dizzy. There's got to be a leak. He might not be doing good because of this leak."
The woman said she would send her son over to check it out and Higgs left. The woman changed her tip from $14 to $100, which Higgs appreciated, but the message she sent her the next morning was a much greater reward for her going the extra mile.
"Thank you so much, once my son went to check on my dad it turned out it was definitely leaking," she wrote. "You definitely saved my dad and my younger son's life!!!"
Through tears, Higgs said, "I'm just an Instacart worker, but if you see something, say something. I did and I'm so happy I did."
Higgs' TikTok has been viewed more than 15 million times and has been shared widely on social media. It has also attracted the attention of big companies.
Royal Caribbean Cruises shared a TikTok video of its own praising Higgs for her heroic act and offering her and her family a seven-day cruise anywhere in the world. "Cause even heroes need a vacation," the company wrote.
@royalcaribbean Stitch with @jessicahiggs3 - cause even heroes need a vacation. Thanks @captaincruiseguy
Old Navy connected with her and arranged a shopping spree where she got to model several new outfits. People Magazine commented, "You’re literally a HERO! Good job trusting your instincts. 💕" Even TikTok itself wrote, "You are amazing ❤️thank you for sharing this with all of us."
Lots of commenters also pointed out that she's not "just an Instacart worker." Her work is important, she's providing a needed service and any job done in a spirit of helping others should not be minimized. If she hadn't been there doing her job well, that man may not be here. Never underestimate the difference each of us can make by the simple act of looking out for one another, friend and stranger alike.
Higgs' heartfelt story touched millions, and she's being rightly rewarded for listening to her heart and going out of her way to help someone. Gotta love seeing good things come to people doing good. Well done, Jessica Higgs.
This article originally appeared three years ago.
We know a lot, but we clearly don't know everything.
Ever watch a period piece movie or TV show where the well intentioned doctors used maggots in hopes of cleaning a wound? Or when lobotomies were the tried-and-true method of relieving mental disorders? We’ve come quite a long way in terms of medical progress since those days, but in other ways, we are just as much making our best guess about how the human body actually works as we were in the maggot days.
Even doctors can admit that many biological ins-and-outs remain a mystery, which can be frustrating as a patient when you’re told to take certain medications "because it helps” this or that ailment, without actually knowing why. But at the same time, you have to kind of marvel at how much there is yet to discover, even within us. It only further shows the need to continue investing in medical research, but that’s a different conversation.
Recently, several doctors online shared many things that we still don’t really know about the human body, and some of the answers were pretty surprising:
“I’m an anesthesiologist. We still don’t really know why inhaled volatile anesthetics like sevoflurane, the principal anesthetic agent used to maintain general anesthesia, work. We kind of have an idea of maybe how it happens, but really we don’t know. It’s commonly said in my field that whoever figures this out will win the next Nobel prize in medicine.”
Weird...but effective. Photo credit: Canva
That’s interesting. And now for something a tad grosser…
“We apparently don't know precisely how our bodies can distinguish gas from poop. We have some ideas, we know there are a ton of nerve endings in the area, but the precise mechanism of our bodies telling our brains ‘this is a fart, let loose’ isn't really understood. What blows my mind is, it's distinct enough that we even pass gas while asleep. That difference must be wired DEEP!”
We don't know how our bodies know, but thank goodness they do. Photo credit: Canva
Quite a few answers pertained to some topics we might never actually solve.
“The Role of Our DNA: We’ve sequenced the human genome, but a large part of it remains unexplained.”
Seems pretty important. Photo credit: Canva
“I’m a derm. We don’t know what exactly causes itching, like the molecular pathways for it. That’s why it can be so hard to find a good treatment when a patient comes in for itchy skin.”
Trial and error.Photo credit: Canva
“I'm a sleep specialist. While we do have some good theories about some of the functions of REM as far as how it affects the brain and health, we still don't fully understand the purpose of dreaming. Like, why do we dream at all and why do dreams have a narrative instead of random incomprehensible imagery? Unfortunately this is unlikely to even be solved..”
Maybe our brains get bored while we're out and want to watch a self-made movie? Photo credit: Canva
There were a few mysteries that pertain specifically to women’s health. Historically, women's health research has been significantly underfunded and understudied, so this is fairly unsurprising.
“OBGYN here: we still don’t know exactly what makes labor start. We know all about the mechanics and physiology, but we don’t know what makes the average uterus say it’s ‘go time.’”
When the body knows, it knows. Photo credit: Canva
“Apparently we know next to nothing about fibroids, which like 75% of women have at some point in their lives. That's great, considering that the largest one removed was 100 lbs- so not exactly a minor issue. There are theories about different hormones and what things put you at higher risk, but aside from having surgery to have your existing ones removed, there is basically no information on what you can to do prevent them from coming back.”
It's a big deal and we need to understand it. Photo credit: Canva
There was also talk of how our gut—how we process nutrition, and how that affects our mental health—is somewhat of a final frontier in medicine.
“We don't know the precise mechanism by which B12 deficiency causes nerve damage. We know that it happens, but not why.”
B12, the final frontier.Photo credit: Canva
“Not MD but PhD, right now we are working on the connection between our intestinal microbiome and neuropsychiatric disease and brain aging. For instance, people with inflammatory bowel disease are more likely to develop dementia and experience co-morbid anxiety and depression, but we don't know why.”
“The Gut Microbiome: While it's well-known that the gut plays a huge role in digestion, researchers are discovering just how much our gut bacteria affect other parts of our health, like mood, immunity, and even brain function.”
Some say we have two brains: in the head and in the gut.Photo credit: Canva
For those who have ever taken anti-anxiety medication…
“Benzodiazepines, BZD, are medications like Xanax and Valium. They produce anti-anxiety effects. And they have a very distinct chemical shape to fit into the BZD site in a group of five proteins. But we don’t know what is supposed to go there. Many medications are analogs of naturally binding molecules that we copy and then use to create an effect. The BZD site is for something, we just don’t know what.”
By and large, mental health is still the Wild Wild West for medical professionals, it seems.
“Doctor here. Off the top of my head, here's a few deceptively big ones:
Aren't we all just brains trying to understand ourselves? Photo credit: Canva
And yet, another doctor writes:
“One of the few ABSOLUTES in medical science is that nobody born blind has ever developed schizophrenia.”
Goes to show, we might be in the age of information, but there is still so much of the unknown to marvel at. Hopefully it keeps us humble and curious.
