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'I felt ill': Brendan Fraser describes sexual assault that nearly made him quit acting

His bravery in coming forward is commendable. 👏

'I felt ill': Brendan Fraser describes sexual assault that nearly made him quit acting

Remember Brendan Fraser? 10 years ago, he was one of Hollywood's biggest stars. Then, he suddenly disappeared.


If you were a kid in the late '90s and early '00s, chances are you saw a Brendan Fraser movie. The comedy and action star catapulted to fame behind blockbusters like "The Mummy" franchise, "George of the Jungle," "Looney Tunes: Back in Action," and the Oscar-winning film "Crash."

But after 2008, he largely disappeared from major starring roles. His absence wasn't due to drugs, a sex-scandal, or illness — despite memes and even reported articles speculating about his career arc, with many blaming it on poor career choices.

Fraser revealed in a recent interview that an incident of sexual harassment led him to withdraw from his high-profile lifestyle.

Lately, the actor has gradually returned to more high-profile roles, and in an interview with GQ, he explained that the real reason he stepped back from the spotlight was because of being physically groped by Philip Berk, a former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

In his own book, Berk admitted to "pinching" Fraser in the buttocks after an event, but Fraser says the incident was much worse. "His left hand reaches around, grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint. And he starts moving it around."

"I felt ill. I felt like a little kid," he told GQ. "I felt like there was a ball in my throat. I thought I was going to cry."

He said it's time to speak out, and other male victims of harassment are supporting him.

Berk has called the allegation a "total fabrication" but acknowledges he sent Fraser an apology letter after the incident when the actor complained to the HFPA. Fraser said he tried to bury his feelings about the incident, but he was moved into action after seeing actresses and actors speaking up at this year's Golden Globes.

“Am I still frightened? Absolutely. Do I feel like I need to say something? Absolutely. Have I wanted to many, many times? Absolutely. Have I stopped myself? Absolutely."

Despite his reservations, people seem to believe, and be genuinely moved by, Fraser's claim. Once the target of jokes, Fraser has become a catalyst for moving praise across social media.

He's also earned some public support from actor Terry Crews, who has publicly discussed experiencing a similar incident years ago.

"Brendan is amazingly courageous in telling this," Crews wrote on Twitter. "His assault experience is extremely similar to mine — ending with the assailant explaining away his actions. One man's 'horseplay' is another man's humiliation."

Victims of sexual harassment and assault often face deep shame and fear in speaking out. Speaking out takes courage.

Speaking out after experiencing harassment or assault can be an incredible challenge, often full of personal and professional risk. Though the majority of assaults are against women, men face their own similar challenges in overcoming shame, doubt, and repercussions for coming forward and speaking out. When men like Fraser and Crews speak out, they help clear the path for other men to come forward with their own stories.


This story originally appeared on 08.06.19

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Movies

Julie Andrews said she literally could "feel the evil" when visiting the Von Trapp house

The story behind the movie might be more interesting than the movie itself.

Image via Wikicommons

Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music

Sometimes the story behind the movie is more interesting than the story in the movie.

In her autobiography, Home Work, Julie Andrews shared some of her experiences filming The Sound of Music. Andrews spoke with BuzzFeed News about her book, revealing her thoughts on the actual von Trapp family house. The movie musical, which is based on a section of the real-life Maria von Trapp's book, The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, was shot in a Hollywood studio.

The classic scene of Julie Andrews spinning in a meadow was shot in Bavaria, and the exteriors of the von Trapp house were filmed at a different house entirely.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


Andrews did visit the von Trapp house in Salzburg, Austria later on in her life.

"It wasn't until much later that I happened to visit the real villa where they actually lived," she told BuzzFeed News. During her visit, Andrews said she could "feel the evil that once permeated those walls." The evil Andrews refers to is, of course, the Nazis. "Because after they fled the country, which they had to do, as in the film, [Heinrich] Himmler took over that villa, and the atrocities there were just terrible," she continued.

The story behind the von Trapp house is much darker than what's touched on in the splashy Hollywood musical. The actual von Trapp family lived in the house from 1923 until they fled Austria in 1938. In 1938, the Nazis annexed Austria, making life hard for the singing family. Georg von Trapp refused to fly the Nazi flag on his house, and declined a request to sing at Hilter's birthday party. There was fear their neighbors would spy on them and their children would become brainwashed by Nazi politics. Even though the family was offered fame, they decided to stay true to their principals and leave Austria.

Julie Andrews, The Sound of Music, musicals, Germany, World War 2, Nazi Germany, Von TrappChristopher Plummer and Julie Andrews on location in Salzburg, 1964upload.wikimedia.org

Not one year later, the house was occupied by Nazis. Heinrich Himmler used the house as his summer residence until 1945.

Himmler was the second most powerful man of the Third Reich. Himmler set up and ran the Nazi concentration camps. The house was surrounded by armed guards and barbed wires. A barracks for the SS was built in the garden. Himmler also built the white wall around the house using slave labor. After the wall was completed, he had those who constructed the wall shot. Very monstrous.

Now, the von Trapp house is a more peaceful place. In 1947, the property was purchased from the von Trapp family by the Missionaries of the Precious Blood. In 2008, it opened to the public as a hotel.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

While the house has a heavy history, the previous residents of the property took satisfaction in knowing the von Trapps resisted the Nazi party. "What Himmler did here is a heavy weight on the house," Precious Blood Fr. Andreas Hasenburger, the rector of the Kolleg St. Josef, told the National Catholic Reporter. "But we are also proud to live in the von Trapp house, the house of the man who said no to the Führer."

It takes a lot of guts to stand up for what you believe in, especially when you're pressured to forfeit your integrity. Knowing that the family gave up their life to stay true to their principals makes The Sound of Music so much better.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Kids

A 4th state just passed laws protecting 'child influencers' from their own parents

A former 'Youtube star' had brutal words for these parents in her testimony.

Canva Photos

New laws aim to protect teen and child influencers' money. It's a start.

In recent years, some big questions have popped up about the kids you see on social media. When an influencer posts a photo with their children or an adorable candid family video, it might not ring many alarm bells. But what if their kids are constantly an integral part of their every day content? What if those influencers rely on the cuteness of their kids, or the hilarious things they say, to drive engagement of their content? Content they earn money for?

In the worst cases, teens and even toddlers are not just a prop in their parents' videos, but they are positioned as the "stars" of their own social media accounts. Child influencers. I remember once seeing a shocking post about a 3-year-old girl who was "excited" to tour the country and meet all of her fans. My own daughter is that age and only cares about cartoons and mac and cheese, so it's ridiculously easy to see the parents pulling the strings behind the scenes. But social media is big business, and big money.

Finally, something is being done to protect these kids. Utah just became the 4th state to pass simple legislation designed to ensure children are at least being fairly compensated for their work online.


influencers, social media, screentime, youtube, tiktok, instagram, children, families, parentsUtah is letting kids delete content they appeared in when they turn 18. Photo by Ethan De Long on Unsplash

The new law dictates that any family earning more than $150,000 per year from online content that includes their children set up a trust fund for them, and offers guidance via a formula to calculate how much the kids are owed for their appearances. It may not end up being much, but at least the kids will be compensated somewhat for their own likeness.

Most fascinatingly, the Utah law also gives kids the right to have any content they appeared in deleted when they turn 18. That is a major win, and it gives kids some agency back when they become adults capable of making their own informed decisions.

Other states with similar protections include California, Illinois, and Minnesota — with legislation currently being drafted and debated in many more places. The monetary protections are a good start, but more will definitely need to be done to reign in parents putting kids on the Internet without their permission. The exposure, fame, and messages can do a lifetime of harm to young people.

The passing of the law hinged on testimony by former child YouTube "star" Shari Franke, who was forced to appear on her family's channel 8 Passengers as a kid. Her mother was later arrested for child abuse.

“I want to be clear: there’s never, ever a good reason for posting your children online for money or fame," Franke said to lawmakers. "There’s no such thing as a moral or ethical family vlogger. ... The only people harmed by child influencer laws are the parents exploiting their children.”

She called being a child influencer "24/7 labor" and has urged for stronger protections that go beyond just setting aside money earned.

"How do we determine how much a child should get paid for appearing in family content?" she said. "What price is worth giving up your childhood?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The line between using your kids as props to monetize and genuinely sharing moments from your family's life is thin and grey. This area of social media is uncharted territory, and we don't even know the full impact of how growing up in the online spotlight (and not by their own free will) will affect kids. There will always be loopholes in legislation meant to protect kids. Hollywood has been trying to get it right for nearly 100 years, starting with the first law that gave child actors some control of ownership over their own wages.

It's great that Utah is taking a first step, and hopefully many more parts of the country follow suit soon.

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Motherhood

A Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting. Her male VP's response was perfect.

"It’s no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn
When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Years after first engineering it, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is on a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise. Unfortunately, parents all over the U.S. are struggling with burnout, high costs, unreliable childcare, poor paid leave, and more — in short, they're hanging on by a thread. But it's extremely reassuring to know that there are still some companies that value parents in the workplace and are fighting hard to keep them happy.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example. It's made them not only an admired brand when it comes to values and integrity, but a beloved one with its own customers, who are fiercely loyal.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.


patagonia, workplace, office, career, benefits, paid leave, parental leave, parentingPatagona has always done a great job taking care of its employeesYukiko Matsuoka/Flickr

Morissette's stunning story begins with bringing her baby into a meeting at the office and proceeding to breastfeed as the team around her continued to discuss ROI, KPIs, EBITDA, and all those other acronyms corporate office culture loves so much.

That's when a male colleague took note of what she was doing.

Morrissette described the incident later on LinkedIn:

While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...”There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it’s huge.”

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action”. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren’t hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It’s no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done.

Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way.

patagonia, kids, children, parenting, employee benefits, company culture, parental leave, paid leaveWhile nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a…www.linkedin.com


The post gathered massive attention on social media where commenters were smitten, if a little jealous:

"I was never so confident to nurse during a meeting, but I love that you were. I especially love the response. No different than an adult eating a protein bar. No one should bat an eye."

"I am in absolute awe over your story and I thank you so much for sharing it. We go to work to support our families, but we stay with great companies because they support us as people, as humans, and they see us and appreciate us where we are at. Beautiful."

"Amazing! How I wish I had this with by kids. One of my "fun" memories was when I worked for an insurance company with no room available for nursing moms. I pumped 3 times a day in an empty office with no window shades nor a lock."

Just the first eight words of Morissette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."


the office, office, workplace, career, parenting, working moms, breastfeedingNot sure if Dwight Schrute would be as accomodating.Giphy

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

But that's not all folks! Patagonia has extended its support for parents in recent years by allowing up to a staggering 16 paid weeks off. Parents and non-parents alike also enjoy top-notch healthcare, college tuition reimbursement, and so much more.


Patagonia founder discusses why the company's values are so importantwww.youtube.com

The company could almost be a case study in employee retention when it comes to parents. Experts say the things workers value the most in their career when they have children are paid time off, flexible scheduling, and help with childcare.

One more thing that makes a huge difference? A great manager who understands and supports the parent's needs. In this case, maybe one who doesn't flinch at a breastfeeding mother in the workplace.

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.

This article originally appeared on six years ago.

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Joy

How do you know someone is incredibly intelligent? Here are 15 'subtle signs' people notice.

"They can change their mind when presented with new information."

via Associated Press/Wikimedia Commons

Albert Einstein using a blackboard.

Highly intelligent people come in all types. Some have no problem bragging about their smarts or accolades, while others are more humble because they don’t need to call attention to their brilliance. However, without tooting their own horn, certain hallmarks of intelligence are noticeable in how they approach people and situations. It seems that having a big brain is a hard thing to hide.

One of the undeniable characteristics of someone very intelligent is that they exhibit mental flexibility. They change their opinions when they don’t have enough information on a topic and can apply what they’ve learned from one subject to another. They also tend to have a great sense of humor, proving that their brain can easily connect different ideas.

A Redditor asked people on the ProductivityCafe subforum to share the “subtle signs that someone is intelligent.” It created great conversations about the characteristics of intelligent people and how their smarts seem to influence every part of them, from their personality to their ability to avoid unnecessary conflict.

smart people, thoughtful people, intelligence, signs of intelligence, reading, booksA man reading a book in his library.via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 subtle signs that someone is very intelligent.

1. Curious about multiple subjects

"They like to learn about any and everything."

"And remember details and concepts later. A desire to understand and curiosity about the subject at hand."

2. They change their minds

"They can change their mind when presented with new information."

"This is definitely the best / most noticeable answer. Intelligent people agnostically process new information. They don’t just “automatically” deny anything that they don’t know or is inconsistent with what they already know. Intelligent people - it’s not what they know, it’s how they interpret / process new information."

"As John Nash, the mathematician allegedly once said; when the facts change, I change my mind!"

3. They process humor quickly

"They get the joke sooner than most people. Happens once in a while in movies or group settings: one person starts to laugh way ahead of everyone else. That’s one with a super fast processing mind (I know one). It is totally unconscious, so cannot be faked."

4. They like being corrected

"When you correct them, they're actually happy about it because they get to learn something new."

"100%. This is often referred to as growth mindset."


5. Great sense of humor

"Humor is a marker for intelligence. Truly dumb people aren’t funny."

"Agreed but I would add that witty or dark humor is more intelligent than mean, cruel, gross humor. If someone’s 'wit' is just the same structure of putting other people down or being gratuitously shocking or gross, then no."

"A really good sense of humor. To be really funny, you have to be very observant and able to see things in ways that others don’t."

6. They make you feel smart

"They explain some things to you in a way that makes you feel intelligent."

"Einstein said, 'If you can't explain what you are talking about to a six-year-old, you don't fully understand it yourself.'"

7. They think before they respond

"They don't react. There is always a delay... and then, they respond."

"They observe, they pause, and then comes the long encyclopedic reply."


thinking, intelligence, being smart, smart people, thoughtful people, consideration, woman, touching chinA woman thinking about her response.via Canva/Photos

8. They know when to be quiet

"Yes, I have come across people with no filter, and have to argue about everything, and that can be exhausting."

"Never miss a good opportunity to shut the f**k up."

9. They're great at banter

"Yes, and quick word play/good puns."

10. They ask about your thought process

"If someone is inquisitive. They want to know how and why you think the way you do. Most people don’t do this."

11. They know what they don't know

"Even very intelligent people don't know about every topic. They understand this and don't pretend to be an expert or speak to things they don't specialize in. Or they use analogies to connect it to things they do understand.They understand that there is a lot they do not know, especially about their given specialties."

"Some people have so much ego, that they have an inability to say that they don’t know the answer to a question. They’ll either give a bullsh*t answer, or try to shrug off the patient’s concerns entirely. Nobody knows everything. If you don’t know, there’s no fault in admitting that, and then using resources to find the answer."


12. Physical intelligence is important, too

"I wish people could understand intelligence in many forms—being good with your hands is intelligence. Being able to learn elaborate choreography is intelligence. Being emotionally responsive and understanding microexpressions is intelligence. It’s not just regurgitating facts. I’m a fact regurgitator myself, but I have a lot of respect for things I can’t do."

13. They don't get into drawn-out arguments

"Not raising their voice during a disagreement. Shouting over each other is to try and win an argument with intimidation rather than logic."

"Argue with an idiot and there's two idiots."

14. They think for themselves

"They don’t have herd mentality. Specifically in politics, religion, and pseudoscience."

"I remember the first time that I understood that not picking a side was a valid option for many situations. It was like a record skip moment in my head."

15. They use a bidet

"They own a bidet and don’t use toilet paper."

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Education

Swim coach's reaction when toddler tries to kiss him is a masterclass in teaching boundaries

People are impressed with how expertly and professionally he handled it.

Representative photo credit: Canva

It takes a village, as they say.

People who work with children—teachers, coaches, mentors—are often beloved by the kids they serve, especially if they're good at what they do. Those caring adult relationships are important in a child's life, but they can also lead to some awkward situations as kids learn appropriate ways to show affection to different people. A baby might cover their mother's face with slobbery kisses, but other adults may not appreciate that very much. As kids grow, they learn what's okay and not okay, not just from their parents but from the village of adults in their lives as well.

A perfect example of what that looks like was shared in a video showing a swim instructor at the end of a swim lesson with a toddler who hugged him and then went in for a kiss. The hug was expected and welcome—"Thank you, Mila. I love Mila hugs!" the swim coach said. But when she started to go in for a kiss, he immediately pulled back, gently saying, "No, no kissy. No kissy 'cause I'm coach. You only kiss Mommy and Daddy, okay?"

The little girl looked a bit dejected and started to cry, and he quickly gave her an acceptable alternative. "Okay, hey! High five!" he said, while holding up his hand. "High five 'cause we're all done!" She calmed right down, gave him a high five, and then he moved on to clean-up time.

Watch:


Teaching boundaries to children
byu/alucard_axel inMadeMeSmile


His expression at the end of the video says it all—he knew that was a teachable moment that could have gone very wrong, but he handled it with clear professionalism and toddler-friendly expertise. People loved seeing such a great example:

"So sweet... I sometimes have young clients who want to give kisses and it's so cute but you do have to tell them "no" because it's an important boundary to learn. Not everyone wants kisses!"

"On top of knowing not to do it to other people, it also teaches them for themselves that other people shouldn’t be just giving them kisses."

"The kid is absolutely adorable but that coach is on another level. Creating the boundaries while keeping it cool and recording the whole thing so the parents are extremely comfortable. Dude is setting a hell of example."

"It sounds like he's got a good balance between encouraging her growth and setting appropriate boundaries. Kids can be incredibly affectionate, and it's important to gently guide them in understanding what's suitable."

Jake Johnson Fox GIF by New GirlGiphy

"I also think it’s important for the parents’ comfort that a grown man swimming with their young girl isn’t overstepping boundaries/being predatory. From the outside looking in, it’s hard to know for sure when something is innocent or not. It’s better to just stay away from those situations as a whole."

"The little girls I used to babysit always tried to give me kisses (they were between 2-5) and I had to tell them that I’m not related to you, so you can’t kiss me. You can hi-five or hug me, but no kisses! They still give me running tackle hugs when they see me!"

A few commenters pointed out that some cultures see kissing as totally acceptable, as it's frequently used as a friendly greeting for people of all ages and genders. But even in those cultures, boundaries based on relationships and contexts are important to learn, and it's helpful when adults help teach those lessons so it doesn't all fall on the parents.

Well done, Coach. Thanks for giving us all such a fabulous example to follow.

This article originally appeared in January

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