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How we celebrate Thanksgiving, as told by 12 absurd stock photos.

Haven't you heard? It's Thanksgiving stock photo season.

It's November. And, in America, of course that means ... Thanksgiving.

All photos via iStock.

And if anything perfectly illustrates America's love for turkey, family, and people with super white teeth, it's Thanksgiving stock photos.

But there is one issue I have with Thanksgiving stock photos.

Like a lot of stock imagery, they're not always an accurate reflection of reality. Nor do they always ... make sense.

Like this woman, who appears to be napping on a pumpkin.

Has anyone ever napped on a pumpkin to commemorate Thanksgiving? Has anyone ever napped on a pumpkin period? Did I miss something in class about pilgrims napping on pumpkins?

In honor of Turkey Day, I skimmed through an array of stock photos to report what they get right — and what they get wrong — when it comes to Thanksgiving.

Just so you wouldn't have to. (You're welcome.)

Let's get started.

1. The "Angry Man with Knife vs. Innocent Turkey" Photo

What it gets right: Cooking and carving a Thanksgiving turkey can be a taxing responsibility — especially when your entire family is expecting the best meal ever. (Here are some tips to get the job done.)

What it gets wrong: Cooking and carving a Thanksgiving turkey is never so taxing that you need to murder the bird again. (If this is you, put the knife down and walk away.)

2. The "Family Sitting Way Too Close to One Another" Photo

What it gets right: Assuming you don't live in a mansion, sure, it can be a big task to find comfortable seating for every aunt, uncle, and grandparent this side of the Mississippi. If you're feeling overwhelmed, there are helpful ways to find the perfect spot for everyone to enjoy the grub and conversation.

What it gets wrong: Families probably won't double up in their seats when, clearly, the whole other end of the table is empty.

However, if the whole other end of your table is empty, consider inviting people in need to share your meal. It might sound like an awkward scenario, but there must be a rewarding reason why plenty of people and groups — including Humans of New York — do it for the holidays each year.

3. The "First Thanksgiving Reenactment" Photo

What it gets right: Yes, historians are confident pilgrims and Wampanoag Indians feasted together at some point in 1621. Hooray!

What it gets wrong: This classic throwback implies the first Thanksgiving was just the start of a blossoming BFF relationship between colonists and Native Americans. Of course, that is offensively wack. Not to mention, these outfits are less than historically accurate.

And while we're on the topics of pilgrims and outfits...

4. The "Prototype Pilgrim" Photo

What it gets right: Pilgrims were, in fact, humans. (One point for Gryffindor!)

What it gets wrong: They did not wear those simple black and white get-ups you see on everything. The colonists actually wore an assortment of colors — just like we do today (except with maybe fewer band logo T-shirts). And as far as those buckles on their shoes? Nope — wasn't a thing. I'm not sure how that became a trend, but let it be known the pilgrims' shoes were buckle-free.

It should also be noted that Native Americans are frequently depicted wearing absurd (not to mention offensive) clothing nowadays — especially around Thanksgiving. That "First Thanksgiving Reenactment" photo above? Yeah, pretty sure the Wampanoag Indians didn't wear khakis.

5. The "Cats Apparently Love Gourds" Photos

Oh, you didn't know that's a thing? It's definitely a thing.

What it gets right: We'll find any excuse to take pictures of our cats. This is a fact. And hey, if becoming a crazy cat lady/man makes you happier and healthier, you certainly shouldn't feel badly about it.

What it gets wrong: Nothing could have less to do with Thanksgiving than cats. (Maybe ... NASA? I don't know.)

6. The "Turkey Inception" Photo

What it gets right: Speaking of cats ... we'll also find any excuse to take pictures of our food — even if it means taking a picture of someone else taking a picture of their turkey. And that's OK! Capturing memories (of delicious food or otherwise) is a great way to remember the holidays for years to come. So take that camera phone out, snap away, and don't apologize for it.

What it gets wrong: Where are the filter options? It's 2015. An Instagram filter is mandatory when it comes to sharing pics of your turkey dinner because — let's be honest — dining rooms don't always have the perfect amount of natural light.

7. The "Smile and Stare Maniacally at the Turkey" Photo

What it gets right: We all do this. We stare at the turkey, salivating, as our mom/aunt/dad/cousin brings the bird to the table...

...except for this kid.

No one knows what he's looking at. (And it's probably for the best.)

If the facts don't lie (they typically don't), Americans love their Thanksgiving turkeys. Like, love it enough to go out and buy 40-something million birds every year to feast on for the special day. So it's safe to say the maniacal stares above are completely accurate.

What it gets wrong: Let's face it — far too many turkey stock photos, this one especially, look waaay too perfectly golden brown to be relatable. It's probably plastic.

And yes, plastic might be better for the turkeys than free-range (as no actual turkeys are harmed in the making of a plastic turkey), but if you can afford it and don't like eating plastic turkey, consider opting for a free-range turkey this year. Learn the facts and decide if free-range is right for your family here.

8. The "I Overate and Now I'm About to Vomit" Photo

What it gets right: Americans may have big appetites, but — believe it or not — Thanksgiving still produces tons of food waste. In 2013, about 204 million pounds of turkey (including that leg above, I'm guessing) was thrown away over the Thanksgiving holiday, according to the Natural Resources Defense Council. But it doesn't have to be like this! There are plenty of ways you can both curb food waste and help feed those in need this Turkey Day.

What it gets wrong: There's no way that plate would be that clean. Does anyone believe someone would take out a fresh plate only to serve one turkey leg to the man who's already passed out in a Thanksgiving food coma on the couch? I didn't think so.

9. The "Random Pumpkin" Photo

What it gets right: Like cats and snapping food pics, once October hits, we are obsessed with pumpkins and pumpkin-flavored anything. Seriously — obsessed! So it makes sense that a pumpkin is the star of just about every Thanksgiving photo we take.

What it gets wrong: Pumpkins don't usually chill out on sandy beaches or hang with a bunch of cold, hard cash (like ... what?). It's all about the context, people.

10. The "Is This What the Pilgrims Ate?" Photo

What it gets right: Pumpkin was a food available to the pilgrims, and it very well could have been at the first Thanksgiving.

What it gets wrong: BUT. At Thanksgiving numero uno, it certainly wasn't in the deliciously smooth, perfect pie form synonymous with modern Thanksgiving. As Alton Brown demonstrated in an episode of "Good Eats," if they did feast on pumpkin, it probably would have been more of a soup than a pie.

Come to think of it, many of the foods associated with Thanksgiving today weren't at the first feast way back when (or, if they were, they took drastically different forms). Turkey? That's a big maybe — historians believe seafood would have been more prevalent on the table. And potatoes? Meh, not so much. Pilgrims didn't even know they were a thing.

11. The "Jealous Dog" Photo

What it gets right: Dogs will sit there and stare with jealousy until every last ounce of that turkey is gone.

What it gets wrong: Actually ... most dog lovers will back me up here: This one pretty much nails it. Dogs are the biggest losers on Thanksgiving, the poor things. (Remember: Even though it's tempting to cave in while they beg near the table, don't! Lots of traditional Thanksgiving foods can be harmful — and even deadly — to your pet.)

And last, but definitely not least...

12. The totally necessary "Flashdance Turkey" Photo

Yes, as in, a photo featuring a turkey in that iconic scene from the movie "Flashdance."

One Flashdance turkey not enough for you? Here's another:

What it gets right: We try very hard to keep our turkeys moist (here are a few pointers to do it). At least ... I think that's what this super handy, relevant, and totally necessary stock photo is going for.

What it gets wrong: Everything. I really wish I hadn't ever seen these photos.

There you have it. Do you feel like a Thanksgiving stock photo expert?

Because you should.

Now you have all the tools to navigate November's endless newsfeed of Thanksgiving stock photos with the comfort of knowing not every pic gets every detail right about the holiday.

And that comfort is certainly something to be thankful for.

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Woman says we are 'severely underreacting' to octopuses, then proves she's not wrong

"However impressed or fascinated you are by octopuses, it's honestly probably not enough."

octopus, octopuses, wildlife, ocean life, marine life
Photo credit: Canva

Octopuses are just wildly interesting creatures.

What creatures have eight legs, nine brains, and dozens of fun and fascinating facts about them? Octopuses, of course. (Wait, is octopuses or octopi? Octopodes, perhaps?)

However interesting we think our suction-cupped, cephalopodic friends are, we're probably selling them short. That's the contention of Sarah, a comedic content creator on TikTok who's been sharing everything she's learned about octopuses, because they're far more bizarre than we might think.

"However impressed or fascinated you are by octopuses, it's honestly probably not enough," she says. "We are severely underreacting to octopuses collectively."

Once you see her video, it's clear she's not wrong.

@sarahmakesmelaugh

Octopuses are fascinating and I DO want to hold a tiny guy if possible just putting that out in to the universe 😬🐙#creatorsearchinsights #octopus #weirdanimals #animalfacts #didyouknow

With a hilariously understated sense of humor, Sarah shares facts like the idea that octopuses don't have tentacles, as many of us have been led to believe, but arms instead. Tentacles have suckers only at the end, while an octopus's arms have them from top to bottom.

"They decorate their front yards with shells and other shiny things they find in the ocean," Sarah says, adding, "I wonder if they judge other octopuses for how they decorate their front yard. Like, is there an octopus HOA?"

Sarah points out that The Beatles' song "Octopus's Garden" was inspired by this delightful fact.

Many of us know that octopuses are smart, but we may not know that they have a brain in each arm in addition to the brain in their heads, which is shaped like a donut. They can solve mazes and complete tricky tasks. And if their beak can fit through a hole, so can their whole body.

"So a fully grown giant Pacific octopus, which can literally be 30 feet long, can fit through a hole the size of a lemon," says Sarah. "And I don't care for that, particularly. I would never say that to an octopus's face because, evidently, they can recognize us, which I find unsettling. Note to self: Do not be mean to an octopus."

Because each arm has its own brain, it can operate independently, complete with its own sensory system.

Octopus, octopus arms, ocean life, marine life, octopus brains Each of those arms has its own brain?Photo credit: Canva

"I feel like they're smarter than us," Sarah says. "Are we confident they're not smarter than us? For instance, they will prank their prey. You know the joke where like old men will tap you on one shoulder, but surprise, they're at the other shoulder? Octopus do that. If they're hunting a shrimp, they'll tap it on the faraway shoulder so the shrimp runs directly into them. Like, 'gotcha!' I don't want octopus to do gotcha."

On a positive note, Sarah shows some examples of exquisitely colorful octopuses, though some of the most "fancy and beautiful" ones are also highly venomous.

That may have been the end of Sarah's video, but she wasn't finished. There's a part two that features blanket octopuses, the female superheroes of the sea. And that's not even the wildest part:

@sarahmakesmelaugh

Replying to @LalainID did yall know about the blanket octopus and didn’t tell me? Except those of you who did thank you 😂 #octopus #animalfacts #science #learnontiktok #learnwithme


A male blanket octopus is basically an inch tall and the female can grow to over six feet. The males can fit inside the pupil of the female's eye. What?! Basically, their only job is to produce sperm, which just raises way too many questions.

Sarah also talks about the mimic octopus, which she calls "the Jafar of the ocean" because it's basically a sorcerer (and one of them genuinely looks like Jafar from Aladdin).

That wasn't all. Even after the second video, she still wasn't done. Part three was every bit as fascinating, terrifying, wonderful, and chuckle-worthy as the first two (and also slightly NSFW in the most PG way possible):

@sarahmakesmelaugh

More Octopus species, this could go on forever y’all 😂 #octopus #weirdanimals #learnwithme #funfacts #creatorsearchinsights

The blob octopus? Who even knew? The eighth-arm situation is too much. Sarah was 100% right. We are, collectively, not reacting to octopuses nearly as strongly as we should be.

You can follow Sarah (@SarahMakesMeLaugh) on TikTok.

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Sleuths debunk 5 supposedly healthy things that are actually terrible ideas

"Detoxes / cleanses are great for clearing out your wallet."

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements
Photo credit: Canva

Sleuths debunk 5 supposedly healthy things that are actually terrible. 5 things to do instead.

A lot of people reach for convenient items advertised as healthy when they're short on time. The rise of health and fitness influencers has also contributed to the proliferation of confusing information about what is considered healthy, and what actually is. It's no wonder people sometimes make unhealthy choices, believing they're doing right by their body.

Some people took it upon themselves to parse out the gimmicks from the multi-million dollar health and fitness industry. Their revelations may surprise you. If you've fallen for the hype of an item or product that turned out to be a dud, it's not your fault. Some things are heavily marketed as healthy, while others are things we've grown up believing were healthy. In a world that can feel oversaturated with information, it can be difficult to have time to research everything.

Suddenly, everyone's drinking green juice or swearing by a new protein bar. Since the bars promise to taste like raw cookie dough without the risk of salmonella, you throw a few boxes in your grocery cart, hoping for the best. After all, it claims to provide all of the vitamins for the day, and you don't have time to cook.

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Homemade granola bars with chocolate chips – perfect for a delicious snack!Photo credit: Canva

Instead of wondering, here are some things people think are healthy, but actually aren't, and what you can replace them with instead:

1. Cereal, granola, and protein bars

Cereal bars are quick to grab when you're running late. The same goes for granola and protein bars. Some people even use them as a meal replacement, but they're not as healthy as people like to believe. If you flip over the package, you'll be met with a high sugar content and very little actual protein in many cases. One person in the Ask Reddit thread is aghast, "We all need to be taught how to read nutrition labels. I was and am still absolutely shocked by the amount of sugar and sodium that are in most packaged foods, throw serving size in there, and it's totally bananas."

Try this instead:

If the goal is to make a healthier morning selection while still packing in a little extra protein, eating whole fruits with a side of peanut butter will fill you up. Whole vegetables, cheese cubes, or mixed nuts are also easy to grab but are full of needed vitamins and healthy fats, minus the high sugar content. Good RX reminds people, "Eggs aren’t just a morning treat. Make a batch of hard-boiled eggs to have on hand as a high-protein snack. One hard-boiled egg contains over 6 g of protein."

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Refresh with a healthy green juice boost.Photo credit: Canva

2. Detoxes

There's a detox for everything. One person shares in a Reddit thread about things people think are healthy, but aren't, because detoxes don't work in the area you're expecting. They write, "Detoxes / cleanses are great for clearing out your wallet." According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), some detoxes contain laxatives that may cause acute diarrhea, which can lead to dehydration and malabsorption. The organization also explains that, "Some juices used in 'detoxes' and 'cleanses' that haven’t been pasteurized or treated in other ways to kill harmful bacteria can make people sick." Others may result in kidney stones for some users due to the high amount of oxalate found in leafy green foods, often used for green detox juices.

Try this instead:

Instead of taking your chances on a detoxing cleanse, Alix Leestma, RDN, CSOWM, senior dietitian at MultiCare Center for Weight Loss & Wellness, tells MultiCare Vitals that staying properly hydrated and eating a balanced diet will allow your body to detox properly. People's liver and kidneys are designed to detox your body naturally. “When dehydrated, our blood is more concentrated," Leestma says, "But when adequately hydrated, you’ll have the same amount of toxins in the blood but in smaller concentrations, which is easier on the kidneys to filter through.”

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Making fresh orange juice in the kitchen. 🍊Photo credit: Canva

3. Juicing/fasting

Juicing is a way people are fasting while still feeling like they're getting in their nutrients. One person voiced concerns that juicing alone wasn't effective in maintaining the nutrients of the fruit, so it's best to eat the whole fruit. Northwestern University recently did a study exploring the effects of juicing. The results were surprising.

"The juice-only group showed the most significant increase in bacteria associated with inflammation and gut permeability, while the plant-based whole food group saw more favorable microbial changes. The juice plus food group had some bacterial shifts but less severe than the juice-only group. These findings suggest that juicing without fiber may disrupt the microbiome, potentially leading to long-term health consequences," Northwestern writes. Senior author Dr. Melinda Ring, director of the Osher Center for Integrative Health at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and a Northwestern Medicine physician, says, “Most people think of juicing as a healthy cleanse, but this study offers a reality check."

Try this instead:

“If you love juicing, consider blending instead to keep the fiber intact, or pair juices with whole foods to balance the impact on your microbiome,” Ring explains. You can also eat the fruit whole to ensure you're getting the fiber needed if blending it doesn't sound as appetizing as juicing.

healthy food; healthy options; unhealthy food; fasting; juicing; supplements Be careful with supplements.Photo credit: Canva

4. High doses of supplements

There's a supplement for everything, and some people take as many as they can in an effort to fill in the gaps of their diet. But excess supplements can cause issues, one person reveals: "I got a kidney stone this way. Wasn't fun." According to Healthline, water-soluble vitamins are more benign, even when taken in higher doses, because the excess is excreted in the urine. Fat-soluble vitamins found in some supplements can cause dangerous toxicity levels that cause irreversible damage.

Katie Mohan, a 57-year-old woman, was close to needing a liver transplant after beginning a regimen of a turmeric supplement. A report of an increase in liver damage due to supplement use on NBC prompted her to seek medical care. She was hospitalized for six days. Dr. Dina Halegoua-De Marzio, a hepatologist at Jefferson Health in Philadelphia, tells NBC, “Natural does not mean safe. When you cook with turmeric, that could be really safe. But some of the supplements now are 2,000 mg-plus, which is a very high dose of turmeric." According to the World Health Organization, a daily dose should be no more than 0-3mg per kilogram (2.2 pounds) of body weight. Which means, even a man weighing 200 pounds should only take less than 300mg of turmeric a day.

Try this instead:

Get the appropriate nutrients through a balanced diet and stick to one multivitamin daily, instead of several different supplements. Adding more nutrient-dense foods can also aid in boosting the vitamins you're hoping to make up for with supplements, according to the Navy and Marine Corps Public Health Center.

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Guy finds long-forgotten album in a thrift shop, reunites the band, and is sharing their music with the world

The damaged vinyl record was first released 58-years-ago

feel good story, music, rock music, lost and found, musicians
Photo credit: Marcus Pollard on Facebook

Marcus Pollard is reviving a 77-year-old warehouse worker's lost rock music.

In the 1960s, Norman Roth and his band, The Glass Cage, were Canadian indie rockers who played small local shows and built enough of a following to land gigs in bigger cities. When Roth was 18, the band recorded a live performance that was never officially released and was eventually lost after they broke up shortly afterward. Now, thanks to a four-dollar thrift store purchase, the band's music is reaching a wider audience—58 years later.

In 2016, veteran rock music promoter Marcus Pollard bought an unlabeled vinyl record at a thrift store on a whim, despite the album being physically damaged. He fell in love with the six songs recorded on it and spent the next two years trying to track down any band members connected to the record.

"I searched in vain for two years trying to get any clue as to who was on the record, but to no avail," Pollard wrote on Facebook. "Then, in a last ditch effort I posted a clip on the Canadian Artists Records Appreciation FB page and... I got a hit!"

Pollard eventually received a reply that read, "Hey, that's my record!" from Roth, now 77 and working as a warehouse manager. Roth was floored that his band's long-lost recording had resurfaced, and he was able to listen to songs he hadn't heard in more than 50 years.

- YouTube youtube.com

After reuniting Roth with his lost music, Pollard went a step further. After consulting with the other band members, he set out to bring The Glass Cage's music back to life after remaining dormant for generations. Pollard spent the next eight years using his industry connections and expertise to officially release the album. Working with a team of professionals, he refurbished the damaged record, digitally remastered the songs, designed elaborate packaging, and developed a booklet detailing the band's impact on the Vancouver indie rock scene of the 1960s before they broke up.

The finished vinyl album, titled Where Did the Sunshine Go?, is scheduled for release on February 24, 2026.

"I feel like everyone has done something in their life that was dismissed," Pollard told CTV News. "And I wanted them to feel like what they created was actually important."

While Roth and his former bandmates are excited about the album's release, they aren't trying to relive their youth or chase the rock star dreams they once had. They're just happy that others will now have access to their music and are enjoying the ride.

"I'm not looking for accolades or super stardom—that's long gone," Roth told CTV News. "It's just saying to the world, 'I was here.' And I hope they enjoy it."

If you'd like to hear Roth's music, you can stream tracks by The Glass Cage on Bandcamp and purchase the vinyl when it's released.

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A grainy 1991 QVC infomercial 'starring' two terrifying porcelain dolls is triggering the best reactions

Did anyone actually buy these?

90s, Gen X, QVC, Hello Dolly, vintage dolls, porcelain dolls
Photo Credit: QVC, @80svintagevisions, Instagram

Two porcelain dolls being sold on QVC in 1991.

One of the most wonderful attributes of a QVC host is their ability to sell the heck out of anything. In 1991, this was the job of one such woman tasked with selling two porcelain dolls from the “Hello Dolly” collection by Albert E. Price. (A few online sleuths pegged her as Judy Crowell, though Upworthy spoke with her and she didn't recall.)

Whoever she was, this was quite a feat as these weren’t just any dolls. They were wide-eyed, cleft-chinned little siblings named Jaime and Jason. And they were certainly unique. Described as 16 inches and porcelain, the “brother/sister team” were selling for $50 each. (On screen, there’s a note that they retailed at $82 apiece.)

A clip of the set being hawked on QVC is making the rounds on social media, and it has many people genuinely intrigued. In the @Totally80sroom clip, we see two almost puppet-looking dolls, a boy and a girl, each clad in overalls with golden blonde hair. Jason is wearing a red hat, while Jaime has white bows in her hair. But it’s their expressions that truly stand out: both might be described by some as “frightened-looking” thanks to their intense, unique stares.

The camera zooms in on Jaime, who seems as if she’s side-eyeing the host with a tiny tear in one eye. The host asks, “Do they remind you of your two little ones? Or do they remind you of you and your brother when you were this age? Up to no good! Being put on restriction!”

She then laughs and tells a delightful story from her childhood. “Who was it… Jeff said to me, ‘Restriction? Who gets put on restriction? You get grounded!’” She lets out a hearty laugh. “Well, I was put on restriction! In first grade. And I remember my restriction was I couldn’t leave my own front yard. So I used to go up to the border. My border, where the grass—our grass—met the neighbor’s grass, and stand right on the edge. And say, ‘Nope! I can’t come over! I’m on restriction.’ So by the time the spanking was over, and all the sadness is gone from your eyes, then it became kind of a game.”

She pauses as if she's just remembering that she has a job to do. “And that’s probably what will happen to these two too. Fifty dollars for Jaime. And fifty dollars for Jason. It is your choice of porcelain dolls from Hello Dolly.”

dolls, clowns, porcelain, QVC, vintage dolls A white porcelain doll with a tear stain. Photo by Monique Layzell on Unsplash

The comments are fabulous. One points out the obvious. “They’re cute until you wake up in the middle of the night because of a noise and they’re sitting there staring at you!” Another has a similar thought. “They’ve looked like they’ve seen some stuff they weren’t supposed to.”

This person focuses on the excellent professionalism of the QVC host: “This hostess deserves an Academy Award for filling time talking about those horrendous dolls.”

These wouldn’t be the first dolls to raise some eyebrows. If TV and movies were an indication of the toys that kids had back in the '80s and '90s, it would seem we were all surrounded by clowns and Chucky dolls. While yes, we did have a few such things, they became more of a symbol of fear in media than in real life.

In a piece for Collider, feature writer Jenna Rae Isley discusses the 1982 Spielberg-written classic Poltergeist, in which a child’s toy clown becomes a nightmare for the audience. “In reality, a clown doll is just a clown doll. But in our imaginations and in Poltergeist, a clown doll is a sinister, watchful force, lurking ominously in the corner of our rooms, keeping us perpetually on edge until it ultimately makes its move.”

The very scary clown scene from the film Poltergeist. www.youtube.com, Moyer Movies

But according to research conducted by Scientific American staff, there are actual reasons that people across many cultures are afraid of clowns. After sending out a questionnaire with various clown-based scenarios, more people answered that they had coulrophobia due to ‘negative portrayals of clowns in popular culture’ rather than actual ‘frightening experiences with clowns.’” In other words, movie makers and artists determined them to be scary…and so they became scary. (Though according to the same research, some are truly afraid of the unsettling makeup, even that of Ronald McDonald.)

It’s worth noting that most people, at least according to this survey, are afraid of clowns because they’re masked. “In fact, the strongest factor we identified was hidden emotional signals, suggesting that for many people, a fear of clowns stems from not being able to see their facial expressions due to their make-up. We cannot see their ‘true’ faces and therefore cannot understand their emotional intent.”

To that point, Jaime and Jason do not seem to be hiding their true intent. They just seem scared…perhaps because they saw a clown.

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Child neurologist explains the reason children lie, and it's surprisingly wholesome

It's actually a developmental milestone.

children, child development, milestones, theory of mind, lying
Photo Credit: Canva

A child mischievously hides in a ball pit.

Parents, teachers, and child caregivers are often aware of the gentle quirks young kids can display. They can become moody, rambunctious, and, at a certain age, they begin to tell fibs. "I only had one cookie, Mommy," a child might say as an empty Oreos package sits on the floor beside them.

But never fear! Child neurologist Arif Khan explains that parents shouldn't worry if a young child tells little white lies. In fact, it's incredibly common and even a sign of healthy cognitive development.

In a YouTube video entitled, "The REAL Reason Children Start Lying to Parents," Khan explains, "Children lie, not because they're bad or manipulative. Children lie because their brains are developing something new. Psychologists call it 'Theory of Mind.' It's the ability to understand that other people think differently than you do."

Dr. Arik Khan explains how lying in childhood can be a developmental milestone. www.youtube.com, Dr. Arif Khan

He goes on to explain that it's a huge mental leap for the brain in that they're learning that they can actually possibly change someone's mind. "It's a huge milestone. It means the child is starting to realize, 'Mom doesn't know what I'm thinking.' And once they realize that, they start to experiment."

Though admitting it might sound "sneaky," he says it can be an example of massive mental growth. "Because to lie…the brain needs to do three things:

  1. Remember what's real.
  2. Inhibit the truth.
  3. Predict what the other person might believe."

Khan cites a 2015 study from the University of Toronto that concluded "Children who start lying earlier actually score higher on measures of social and cognitive intelligence."

Of course, that doesn't mean that lying should be encouraged. Instead, simply note that it means the "brain is growing in complexity" and why this can be an excellent predictor of good social skills and even empathy later on in life.

Laura Todd, a licensed therapist who specializes in parental mental health and child development, spoke with Upworthy regarding the topic. "White lies are a healthy part of social and emotional development in children by demonstrating a child's understanding of social skills, empathy, and emotional intelligence. It is a way of showing that they are balancing the nuance of being honest and being kind."

The question then becomes, how should parents react? Todd gives specific examples on how to model a shame-free environment for their kid. "Have the child 'do over' by letting them try again, such as, 'That doesn't sound like the whole truth. Do you want to try again?'"

She adds, "Focus on the underlying feelings that might be the reason for the white lies, such as embarrassment, fear, or anxiety. Avoid interrogating or pressuring your child to be honest, as that may backfire and encourage further lying to save face. If necessary, seek professional help if the child is lying frequently, impulsively, and shows additional behaviors that the parents or teachers are concerned about."

Stephanie Pappas, LMFT, tells Upworthy that parenting approaches have changed in recent years. "Up until recently, a majority of the parenting approach to lying has been to blame, shame, and create distance between parent and child through time-outs or punishments. In reality, lying is trying to serve the opposite function by creating connection, empathy, and attachment. When your child lies, they aren’t trying to upset you or create distrust on purpose; they’re actually trying to stay close and connected to you by avoiding shame or embarrassment about what they did. When we reframe lying as a child’s brain trying to avoid shame and disconnection, parents can soften their approach to it."

Pappas echoes Khan's assessment that the act of lying for a young child is most definitely a milestone. "The ability to lie also requires a child to simultaneously know the truth and also create a new story, which is an incredible neurological feat in the prefrontal cortex of the brain."

A compilation of children telling white lies to their parents. www.youtube.com, Listed

She also gives practical suggestions. "Next time your child lies, instead of creating a close-ended question of 'Did you do this?' which can elicit shame or embarrassment, open the conversation up with curiosity and leadership, such as, 'It looks like you made a mistake. We all make mistakes, and what’s important is that we grow from them. I want to be able to talk with you truthfully. Can you walk me through what happened?'"

Or, she states, it's even helpful to even turn the interaction into a game. "Being playful and silly can also be effective with younger children, with saying something along the lines of, 'Wow! I love how you used your brain and imagination to come up with that. Can we keep going with the story? Maybe we can draw a picture! Then after, we can talk about what really happened and figure out a solution.'"

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