Body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.
According to one study, about 30% of men are "dissatisfied" with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had "concerns" about the appearance of their vulva.
The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there's something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we're weird, is anybody really weird at all?
A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic; people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians, or estheticians. The responses were oddly... inspiring.
The prompt asked, "Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?"
Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people's unmentionables.
Here are a few of the best responses:
Laura Woolf/Flickr
Gonna chime in as a doctor - and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before. - feelgoodx
I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in. - Wild-Clementine
Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they're clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable. - tlotd
Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work. - Important-Tackle
never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me. - pastelmorning
Nothing surprises me, I'm mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch. - noorisms
Two big takeaways:
First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!
Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician's office!
Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn't seem like a big deal, but it can be.
Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash
It's bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually effect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.
Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.
Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from, not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions.
If you've ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You're totally normal!
Subaru Share the Love Event and National Park Foundation
Laura Woolf/
Photo by