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How to stop waking up each night at 3 or 4 in the morning

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

sleep, waking up, woman sleeping

via Polina Kovaleva/Pexels

A woman with her eye mask on in bed.

Do you often wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. with an intense feeling of anxiety? Do you get stressed that you’re awake and begin making a mental laundry list of everything you need to do the next day? Do you start thinking about fights you once had with your spouse or ponder how you have let yourself down in the past?

If so, you’re not alone. It’s common for people to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. regularly and there’s a reason why we choose this time to catastrophize and worry. The good news is that there are some steps we can take to get through that awkward phase of the night so we can wake up refreshed.

Why do I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. every night?

Many of us reliably wake up in the middle of the night because after we’ve had a good chunk of sleep, our bodies start to slowly prepare us for the day by reducing melatonin, the hormone that puts us to sleep and increasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

That biological phase of sleep is why we start to feel stressed.

insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, how to sleep better, melatonin, stress A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva

After the big hormone release at 3 or 4 in the morning, if you are dealing with stress in your life, you are more likely to wake up. If your life is calmer and you don’t already have a stress baseline, you will probably wake up, fall asleep quickly and forget that it happened.

Why do I wake up feeling stressed in the middle of the night?

If you’re already experiencing stress in your life, that extra cortisol kick is going to cause you to wake up with a feeling of anxiety. The problem is that when we’re lying in bed in the middle of the night, we are in a vulnerable position. “Around this time in the sleep cycle, we’re at our lowest ebb physically and cognitively. From nature’s viewpoint, this is meant to be a time of physical and emotional recovery, so it’s understandable that our internal resources are low,” Greg Murray, a psychology researcher with expertise in mood, sleep, and the circadian system, writes in The Conversation.

“But we also lack other resources in the middle of the night – social connections, cultural assets, all the coping skills of an adult are unavailable at this time,” Murray continues. “With none of our human skills and capital, we are left alone in the dark with our thoughts. So the mind is partly right when it concludes the problems it’s generated are unsolvable – at 3 a.m., most problems literally would be.”

insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, melatonin, stress, anxiety A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva

At this moment, when we’re stressed and feeling vulnerable, stuck in bed with no way out, we can begin to spiral. This is when we ruminate on why we forgot to feed the dog that one day in 1994 or contemplate why things went bad with your first significant other at 21. It’s when we start recalling a disagreement with a friend and plotting out what we’ll say the next time the issue arises.

At this point, if we don’t stop spiraling, we’ll be up until 5 a.m. and will feel like garbage when it’s time to go to work.

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

Make a list

Dr. Jade Wu says that if you wake up and feel stressed about things you need to take care of, walk out of your room (so you don’t associate it with stressors) and make a list to read in the morning. This will free you of your worries, because you know you can care for them when you are awake.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Pay attention to your breath

Murray says you should redirect your attention from your thoughts to your breath, which is a form of meditation. “I bring my attention to my senses, specifically the sound of my breath. When I notice thoughts arising, I gently bring my attention back to the sound of breathing,” Murray writes in The Conversation. This works in 2 ways: first, it takes your attention away from your spiraling thoughts and second, the breathing exercise helps you relax.

Have a bite to eat

Sometimes, we wake up in the middle of the night because we’re hungry and our blood sugar is dropping. “The first question I ask [my patients] is, ‘When was the last time you ate?’” Michael Breus, Ph.D. psychologist specializing in sleep disorders, told Sleep.com. “Often, they’ve finished their last meal at 7 p.m.; now it’s 3 in the morning — that’s eight hours later — so guess what? They’re out of fuel.” If you’ve woken up because of a drop in blood sugar, experts recommend eating a small snack that includes protein and fat, like peanut butter.

This article originally appeared last year.

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A mom showed her Gen Z kids 'Ferris Bueller' and was surprised who they think the real hero is

Gen X and Gen Z apparently see the hero's journey very differently.

commons.wikimedia.org

A photo collage from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

It's really interesting what nearly 35 years does to the lens of perspective. When my friend invited me to join her family for their once-a-month movie night, she asked which John Hughes movie she should show her 14-year-old twins. The answer was obvious. It had to be something fun, school-related, and iconic. Ferris Bueller's Day Off seemed to be the perfect choice as we Gen X-ers loved it when we were exactly their age in 1986.

The fraternal twins (one boy, one girl) sat down on a rare early Saturday evening when neither had dance practice or a sleepover. We gathered in our comfy clothes, popped some popcorn, and hit "rent now."

They were excited by the opening scene, where an adorable Matthew Broderick (doesn't matter what generation one is, he transcends them all) is pretending to be sick in bed with worrying parents. His sister Jeanie is suspicious and exhausted by his antics, but Ferris prevails. He then proceeds to give a brilliant monologue about eating life up and living in the moment. His now-famous line, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it,” is still plastered in quote books and on Bumble profiles.

The twins seemed inspired, and one of them actually teared up in the first five minutes.

The opening scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, Film Studies Fundamntals

Spoilers ahead: the movie is pretty simple. Ferris is a super cool high school kid with a beautiful girlfriend, Sloane, played by Mia Sara. His best friend is a depressed hypochondriac named Cameron, who is played to perfection by Alan Ruck. Ferris skips school a lot (nine times!) and grabs each day by the neck. There are themes of Hedonism, Nihilism, and Taoism, but neither of the twins mentioned that.

The first thing both kids DID bring up (after being delighted by the shower monologue) was how privileged the characters were. Affluent Chicago suburbs, after all, was the setting John Hughes knew best. They also noted, as many have over the years, that Ferris seemed rather selfish and insensitive to what others in his life wanted and needed.

Ferris Bueller, 80s movies, Gen X, Gen Z A Ferris Buellers Day Off Film GIFGiphy Paramount Pictures

There have been many conversations over the years about Cameron being the true hero of the film. He has a story arc, unlike Ferris, that is unwavering. He's sad, but pushes through it and even gets the guts up to stand up to his father after a Ferrari incident.

In fact, there was a theory that Ferris was a figment of Cameron's imagination—a Fight Club scenario, if you will. Robert Vaux writes on CBR, "The theory holds that the entire day is a fantasy taking place in Cameron's head while he lies sick in bed. His sickness actually supports the theory: once Ferris comes over, it vanishes, and Cameron plunges energetically, if reluctantly, into the events of the day. According to the theory, it's because there are no events of the day. He's still sick at home, and the whole thing is a daydream."

cameron, ferris bueller's day off, 80s movies, john hughes, gen x, gen z Cameron GIF in Ferris Buellers Day Off 80SGiphy, Paramount Pictures

I fully expected the twins to have similar thoughts. If not the Fight Club part, at least the idea that Cameron was the true protagonist. But what they (both of them) said instead was shocking. "No," the daughter told me. "I mean, I liked Ferris and I loved Cameron. But it's Jeanie who's the hero here."

Jeanie, the sister mentioned earlier, was played with pure rage by Jennifer Grey. She spends most of the movie attempting to narc on Ferris rather than enjoying her own beautiful day. She is angry and determined until…she meets a "bad boy" at the county jail, played complete with bloodshot eyes by Charlie Sheen.

Taken aback, their mom pushed back. "Jeanie, the sister? Why?"

The son answers, "She just changes the most. She starts out, like, having it in for Ferris. Really, having it in for EVERYONE. And then she just like figures it out." The daughter adds, "Yeah, in the end she was rooting for Ferris. She came the farthest from where she started and she's the one who kinda saved him."

Jennifer Grey meets Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, Tvoldy23

Gobsmacked, I turned to Reddit for more answers. In the subreddit r/movies, someone recently posted, "Something I noticed about Ferris Bueller's Day Off." They then proceed to drive the Cameron theory forward. "At the start of the film, Cameron is in bed sickly and not really confident in himself, but as the movie progresses, he starts to get more confidence, and by the end, he gains the courage to stand up to his father."

A Redditor replies with this thoughtful answer: "I've heard it called a flat character arc when the protagonist doesn't change but is instead the catalyst for those around them to change. It's hard to pull off but is often the most satisfying kind of character. Ted Lasso (especially in season one) is a good example."

Others echo that idea, offering up characters like Forrest Gump and The Dude from The Big Lebowski. They stayed exactly the same while the world or others in their lives changed around them. It's described on a YouTube clip as "The moment you realize the main character is not actually the main character."

The movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off is dissected. www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, CinemaStix

This would give credence to the twins' opinion. But I'd never heard anyone choose Jeanie before, and they weren't swayed by Grey's performance in Dirty Dancing because they haven't seen it yet. When pressed one more time, their answer didn't change. "No doubt, it's the sister. She should have a spinoff." Their mom was so proud and we all totally agree.

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Experts share the three ways you can usually tell someone is a 'cat person'

"Dog people wish their dogs were people. Cat people wish THEY were cats."

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A person lovingly holds a cat.

Cats vs. dogs, a duel as old as time. The truth is it’s perfectly okay to love both furry four-legged creatures, as they each bring their own quirky, lovable eccentricities to this world. (It’s like having to choose between cake or pie. Delicious either way, so choose both!) Dogs’ and cats’ personalities and traits vary by breed, of course, and no two animals are alike. But our love for them and who we’re drawn to can often say a lot about us.

dogs, cats, animals, pets, companions A cat and dog cuddle on the floor. Photo by Louis-Philippe Poitras on Unsplash

As a dog person, I’ve always been curious as to what traits “dog moms” often have. Many over the years have concluded that the pet you love having in your home tends to fit who you are. Dogs are usually loyal, eager, and like structure, just like their people. Cats, the conventional wisdom goes, are more independent, mysterious, and introverted—often like cat owners. (Of course this is a broad assessment, and plenty of dog owners want to be left alone, while cat peeps dance on tabletops. At least one!)

But more interestingly, a recent article suggests that the animal you pick can say a lot about your attachment style. To understand the context, Attachment Theory was coined by psychiatrist John Bowlby, who noted that our early caregivers often shape how we attach to each other throughout our lives. The bond between ourselves and our primary caregiver (often our moms) in the first two years of life can deeply affect how we interact and develop social bonds as adults.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth took this research even further. In what’s called the Strange Situation, she actually studied children and their interaction with their caregivers and noted the difference between secure and insecure attachment styles.

- Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation experiment.www.youtube.com

Though many researchers studied the concept, years later, psychiatrist Amir Levine and his colleague, psychologist Rachel Heller, helped build the popular notion that our attachment styles greatly affect our romantic relationships in adulthood. In their book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find—and Keep Love , they explore this theory thoroughly.

Columbia Psychiatry states, “The authors popularized attachment theory—the idea that early emotional bonds with our caregivers impacts our future relationships—exploring three distinct attachment styles that affect the way we deal with relationship conflicts, our feelings toward sex, and our expectations of romantic intimacy.”

They go on to explain, in short, “People with anxious attachment styles tend to be insecure about their relationships, fear abandonment, and often seek validation. Those with avoidant styles have a prevailing need to feel loved but are largely emotionally unavailable in their relationships. And a securely attached person is comfortable giving and receiving love, can trust others and be trusted, and gets close to others with relative ease.”

- Animated video about attachment theorywww.youtube.com

Which brings us back to cats. In the article “Are You a Cat Person or a Dog Person? Here’s What Psychology Has to Say” for VeryWell Mind by journalist Wendy Rose Gould, she notes that “rather than our fave pet simply mirroring our personality, these preferences and relationships can give us insight into who we are, how we operate, and how we interact with the world. For example, it might tell us something about our attachment styles, whether we’re outgoing or introverted, or even how we handle independence and companionship.”

She cites psychologist Michael Kane, PsyD, who shares, “Cat enthusiasts [may] appreciate the less demanding and more autonomous companionship offered by cats. Feline indulgers enjoy the companionship of cats as they prefer connections that are meaningful but not as demanding.” (Dog lovers, on the other hand, [may] enjoy close and reciprocal relationships with dogs as they resemble secure, dependent bonds that provide emotional comfort, stability, and security.)

cat, pets, solitude, introvert, felines A bored cat files its nails.Giphy

(To put this in Attachment Theory terms, cat people might lean avoidant, while dog people a tad more anxious in their relationship styles.)

Gould goes on to describe two other cat people "tells." One is their (possible) preference for introversion, which is really just how we give and receive energy. Again quoting Dr. Kane, “Cat people have shown to be more open to experience and scored higher on introversion, which suggests that they appreciate more solitude and less social interaction.”

Lastly, Gould shares that cat owners tend to be more spontaneous than their structured dog-loving counterparts. “Cat owners may be more adaptable and comfortable with a looser, go-with-the-flow approach, as felines tend to be more independent and require less regimented care. This could reflect a person’s comfort level with spontaneity, flexibility, and self-guided motivation in their daily life.”

Best to let this Reddit comment from the thread "What is the difference between a cat person and a dog person?" sum it up: " Dog people wish their dogs were people. Cat people wish they were cats."

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Psychology reveals surprising personality traits of people who still write grocery lists by hand

Could this really be relevant? Yes.

Photo credit: Canva

Phone or handwritten? The great debate ensues.

Are you the type of person who always writes grocery lists by hand? Perhaps on the back of a receipt, in a special notebook, or on an index card? Do you insist on this method, even though you’re the only one in the store unfurling paper like an ancient scroll while everyone has their heads down, tapping away at their phones?

Lists are undoubtedly important. In a recent poll, research revealed that the average British adult writes an average of three to-do lists a week—which, in some cases, can add up to 9,766 lists in a lifetime. “Evidently, we all rely on lists for one aspect of life or another,” commented Shahbaz Khan from STABILO, a high-quality pen and pencil company.

But when it comes to the actual list-making, does the method in which you create it really matter? Apparently, yes. And your choice, handwritten or digital, can say a lot about your personality.

grocery list, grocery, lists, handwritten, handwriting People who write their lists by hand might be able to remember them better.Photo credit: Canva

If you prefer handwriting, you’re likely…

To have a mind that operates like a filing cabinet.

In 2024, two professors at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, Dr. Audrey L.H. Van der Meer and F.R. (Ruud) Van der Weel, found that handwriting activates more elaborate and widespread brain connectivity patterns compared to typing. They suggest that the physical act of moving your hand while writing creates spatial and temporal patterns in the brain that promote learning.

In a similar study, Japanese researchers found that participants who wrote calendar events by hand on paper showed increased brain activity—particularly in memory regions—compared to those who recorded the same information on smartphones. The hand writers also recalled the information 25% faster than those who typed. Writing by hand triggers extra neural activity in regions tied to learning and memory. So, no matter how messy your handwriting might be, that grocery list might also be giving your memory a little work-out.

To be naturally conscientious and understand the secret to success.

Conscientiousness isn't the same as self-control or self-restraint—rather, it refers to a person's tendency to be organized, reliable, goal-directed, and self-disciplined. It's no surprise, then, that those who score highly in conscientiousness tend to be successful: they aim for high-profile outcomes and have the ability to develop well-thought-out plans to accomplish their goals.

Comfortable getting tactile.

Nothing quite compares to writing with your perfect pen. (By the way, what's yours? A Pilot G2-2? Uni-ball Vision Elite? Or perhaps something fancy, like the Squire Classic Pen from Baronfig?) It's a complete sensory experience as your pen glides across paper. This physical connection helps create a deeper engagement with the task at hand.

woman, child, grocery, shopping, list Writing your list by hand could curb impulse shopping. Photo credit: Canva

To not buy on impulse.

Yanliu Huang and Zhen Yang from the LeBow College of Business at Drexel University examined how handwritten shopping lists differ from digital ones. Their research showed that people who write lists on paper tend to make more planned purchases and fewer impulse buys.

However, there are a few downsides to a handwritten grocery list…

Let's face it: sometimes you can't read your own handwriting. When rushing, you might scribble illegibly, forget items, or leave the paper at home entirely. (Pro tip for forgetful hand-writers: snap a photo of your list before heading out, just in case.)

Paper lists are also cumbersome to update on the go. Picture this—you've just remembered you need onions while backing out of the driveway, but now you're scrambling for a pen. Don't do this. Plus, paper lists make it difficult to coordinate shopping with other people.

If you’re #DigitalForever, you’re likely…

In a poll of 2,000 people in the United Kingdom, researchers found that when it comes to list-making, only 40% use their phones, while 63% write on notepads and 24% use sticky notes. So congrats—you're right in the middle!

Extremely efficient and organized.

Your phone is a miracle list-maker: people who use digital lists value practicality over sentimentality—they appreciate the power of automatic sorting, expense tracking, and integrated coupon features. These lists can be updated instantly and accessed from almost any device, making them the most efficient, streamlined option.

Someone who uses data to make decisions.

Beyond expense tracking, many apps provide nutritional data, meal planning suggestions, and inventory management—helping you make smarter, healthier food choices. You're not just shopping anymore; you're strategically planning your nutrition.

groceries, grocery shopping, produce, lists, shopping, nutrition Digital lists are perfect for collaborations. Photo credit: Canva

Collaborating with someone in the kitchen.

The beauty of a digital list is that it can be shared with others in real time, allowing multiple people to add items seamlessly. This eliminates miscommunications and duplicate purchases while reducing paper waste and promoting environmentally friendly habits.

The digital life has its downsides, too…

Taking a break from your phone can be refreshing, but keeping your grocery list there means more screen time—potentially leading to digital fatigue or distractions from notifications and other apps. There's also the practical concern: what if your phone dies, you lose Internet connection, or your service drops out while shopping?

Grocery shopping can be such a treat. Whether you use digital lists, handwritten scribbles, or memory tricks to track what you need, there's no wrong approach. The “best” way to write a grocery list depends on you: your personal preferences, your lifestyle, and what works for your routine. Ask yourself, “What will make me feel the most organized and calm?” Then let your grocery list lead the way.

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Parenting experts share 8 toxic phrases to never use with kids

They instantly make kids not want to listen.

Image via Canva

Parenting experts explain why parents should avoid saying these toxic phrases.

There is no such thing as the "perfect parent." Since people aren't perfect, their parenting can't be either. In fact, there are a number of things that can cause parents to unintentionally hurt their kids--from generational trauma to stress and frustration. Sometimes the most loving parents can spew out toxic words and phrases to their kids.

Not only can this lead to further behavioral issues, but it can instill in them toxic messages they will carry into future relationships--and as parents themselves one day. Being aware of toxic parenting phrases before they are used is a positive first step, followed by understanding why and how they can impact kids.

These are eight of the most common toxic phrases parents should avoid saying to their kids, according to parenting experts.

1. Never say: 'You look terrible.'

Sure, it may be coming from an honest place, but parents who use this phrase may be unknowingly image shaming their kids, causing insecurities to "skyrocket," according to the experts at Psych2Go. It could also possibly lead to body issues in the future.

2. Never say: 'You're a freak.'

By saying this to your child, you may be imprinting the message that they are "ill-fitting to the world," and also implying "there is something wrong with them as a person," notes Pysch2Go.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

3. Never say: 'You know better than that.'

According to parenting coach Reem Raouda, parents should say instead: "Something's getting in the way of your best self right now. Let's talk about it."

She explains that this avoids shaming your child, and reframes the scenario from punishment to partnership. "It assumes the best in your child and encourages self-reflection instead of defensiveness. It sends the message: 'I believe in you, and I'm here to help'," says Raouda.

4. Never say: 'You're so immature.'

Emotions like disgust, ridicule, and shame may be triggered if you say this to your child, notes Psych2Go.

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5. Never say: 'Because I said so.'

Raouda shares that saying this to your child not only shuts down communication, but it also teaches blind obedience.

Instead, you can try saying: "I know you don't like this decision. I'll explain, and then we're moving forward." "You're not debating or negotiating—you're modeling respectful leadership. This phrasing acknowledges their feelings and reinforces that you're in charge in a calm, grounded way," she says.

6. Never say: 'This is your fault.'

This phrase is manipulative, according to Psych2Go. "A parent placing blame on their child and acting victimized causes the child to feel like a burden or even a curse. This can lead to them going to great lengths to avoid being a so-called problem, maybe even enslaving themselves to maintain acceptance."

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7. Never say: 'Show me some respect.'

Of course, respect should be given when it is properly due. But parents who command this of their kids can not only be confusing, but also stunt your child's critical thinking and questioning, shares Psych2Go.

8. Never say: 'Do what I say or else.'

Saying this to your child is "an outright threat," which totally dismisses your child's needs and desires. In turn, this can lead to your child feeling unworthy of anything but your whims as a parent, says Psych2Go.

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Cop pulls over a man for speeding, finds out he's going to a funeral, and helps him tie his tie

"𝙍𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍: compassion still exists, even on the side of the road."

St. Tammany Parish Sheriff’s Office/Facebook

Good things are still happening in the world. Here's proof.

Louisiana-based Deputy Dustin Byers was just doing his job when he stopped a man for speeding on the highway. But when he found out the man was actually on his way to a funeral, it became anything but a routine work day.

As the St. Tammany Parish Sheriff’s Office wrote in a Facebook post titled “A Traffic Stop Comes With a Side of Compassion,” which has been shared more than 2,000 times, “The man explained he was on his way to a funeral and was having a tough day. To top it off, he couldn’t get his tie right.”

Without skipping a beat, Byers, who did know how to properly tie a tie, offered his assistance. In the shared photo, we see the man’s bright blue tie getting fixed.

“REMINDER: compassion still exists, even on the side of the road,” the sheriff’s office added.

Though PEOPLE confirmed that Byers did, in fact, still issue a citation, countless people commended him for showing empathy even while fulfilling his duty.

“This right here is a powerful reminder that kindness knows no uniform, no badge, and no boundaries,” one person said. “In a moment that could have simply been about a traffic stop, Deputy Byers chose compassion — turning frustration into dignity and stress into support.”

They continued, “It’s the small gestures that leave the biggest impact…May we all strive to lead with empathy, no matter the circumstance.”

Here’s a sampling of more lovely comments:

“This is what is listening to each other turns out to be like. Both walked away a better man ”

“That little bit of kindness will stay with him for a lifetime and I am sure it made his day a little easier to deal with. ”

“This is what it means to serve and protect. Great job officer.”

“An easy act of kindness and compassion is always remembered. I’m sure this helped this young man with the struggles he was facing. Great job by this Officer.”

Indeed, there are moments like this that happen all the time. Acts of kindness from strangers, officers, elders, kids, animals, you name it. Yes, there are bad apples out there, but as often as possible, let’s remember—and celebrate—the ones doing good in the world. Now more than ever.

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