Neuropsychologist shares the one sentence boys need to hear (over and over again)
This inoculates them against the negative messages they may be receiving from other boys.

A young boy withdrawn from is mother.
There are countless reasons why having the ability to talk about your feelings is great for your mental health. One of the big ones is that discussing feelings helps us understand them better. It also prevents us from bottling up our emotions, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and unplanned emotional outburts, which can be incredibly destructive.
The problem is that at a young age, boys are told to bottle up their emotions, and they are frequently told that “boys don’t cry” or that they should “take it like a man” when they become upset. When men are faced with tremendous grief, such as the death of a friend or family member, they feel that they must “be strong” and show a brave face even though they might be dying inside. This can prevent them from ever completely coming to grips with their loss.
Male emotional repression is widespread, and every time a young boy is taught not to cry or talk about his feelings because it’s “girly,” we are creating mental health problems in real time. It also directly teaches the child how to emotionally withdraw from others and encourages them to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.
A young boy sits with his feelings.via Canva/Photos
What's the number one thing that boys need to hear?
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, says that the most important sentence that parents need to tell their young sons, especially those in middle school, is: “Talking about your feelings is strong, not weak.”
"Talking about your feelings is strong, not weak."
Hafeez told PureWow the message needs to be shared consistently because “middle school boys often absorb societal messages that discourage emotional expression….[and] suppressing emotions can lead to stress, anxiety and difficulty forming healthy relationships.”
Another big reason boys should consistently be reminded to discuss their feelings is that they may not have many examples of healthy male emotional expression. Sure, they can see men fighting and shooting each other all day on TV, but how often do you see men being honest with their feelings?
“Men do not tell boys to talk about their feelings, and boys do not always see emotions demonstrated by men. Furthermore, they do not learn from men the benefits of emotional expression and how it makes them feel afterward,” Lisa Liggins-Chambers, Ph.D. writes at Psychology Today. Further, it’s also important to make boys aware of the peer pressure they may feel to repress their emotions and to bully other boys who express theirs. This can give them strength to push back against these unhealthy expectations.
From a parents’ perspective, it’s also essential to exhibit healthy listening skills so their child feels free to open up to them.
A mother and child disuss his feelings.via Canva/Photos
How to listen when boys express their feelings
Here are five things to consider when your child discusses his feelings.
- Let them know that their emotions are valid.
- Give them your full attention by practicing active listening, and show your interest by asking questions.
- While they’re opening up, encourage them to consider the emotions of others as well.
- Normalize the idea that we all experience a range of emotions from happiness to sadness, anger to anxiety.
- Be an example. Model healthy emotional expression to provide a good example of how to manage feelings.
Ultimately, it is essential to understand that boys may be getting an unhealthy lesson about emotions from the kids at school or their family members. Parents tend to encourage their daughters to show their feelings naturally and should show the same consideration for their boys. By consistently reinforcing the idea that emotional expression is a strength, not a weakness, parents can help their sons develop emotional intelligence and resilience.