Learning some basic stuttering etiquette can make everyone feel more comfortable.
For some people, talking comes easily and words and conversation flow freely. For others, an obstacle can impede that flow, whether it's something that manifests psychologically, like social anxiety, or something that manifests physically, like a stutter.
People who find it super easy to talk might not know how to handle talking with those who don't, and some people's reactions can make a person who struggles feel even more uncomfortable than they already do. Most people don't want to make others feel bad, so learning about an unfamiliar perspective, such as what a person with a stutter might experience, can be helpful in avoiding unintentional discomfort or offense.
Travis, a speech-language pathologist who helps educate the public about stuttering, shared a video example of someone handling his stuttering "perfectly." The video shows Travis in his car at a drive-up window getting his food from a fast food worker and stuttering as he asks for some barbecue sauce.
Watch:
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
There are a few things the employee does right here. First, as Travis points out, the guy maintained eye contact with him through the stutter. Second, he didn't try to finish Travis's sentence or guess at what he wanted to say. Third, he waited patiently until he got it all out. And finally, he responded to Travis the way he would respond to anyone asking for barbecue sauce, as if everything was normal. Because it was. For a person with a stutter, this is how normal conversation goes.
As people in the comments pointed out, these are often the biggest questions people have about stuttering. Should I keep looking at the person while the stutter is happening? Is that more or less comfortable for them? If they're stuttering and I think I know what they want to say, should I go ahead and say it or wait until they get the words out? These are honest questions that people with no experience with stuttering might wonder about but don't feel comfortable asking directly.
Don't avoid eye contact with a person who stutters. Photo credit: Canva
Commenters were thrilled to get guidance from someone with experience:
"I always thought maintaining eye contact would make someone feel more vulnerable. But I see it makes people feel seen, listened too and normal."
"Acting normal is so key. Ignore the stutter. Let them speak! Sometimes trying to help by filling in words is more hurtful than anything. My brother and dad have a stutter so I understood how to help. I later ended up managing an employee with a severe stutter that was never ending at first. He stopped stuttering when he realized I never once flinched, blinked too hard or did anything to suggest I was trying to help him along, and he felt secure that he had my full attention. Imagine if you're talking to your friend like normal, you let them speak and take their time. It is no different for stutters in my experience. Hopefully that helps people that encounter this. People can really be so intentionally horrible or unintentionally harmful when they're trying to help. Bless you!"
"This is good information to know. I'm always mortified when I think I'm being helpful but later learn that I wasn't."
"I’m so glad I saw this. I have a regular customer that comes into my place of work who has a stutter. I always feel bad because I don’t know if maintaining eye contact makes him stutter worse, or helps him. But I do exactly this. Maintain eye contact, wait for him quietly to finish, and carry about just like any customer."
"I love that you're saying what is the right thing to do. It's very important information. A lot of us have very good intentions and care about others, but we may not know how to tactfully handle some situations. Thank you for educating us!"
Other people who have experience with stuttering also weighed in to share their thanks.
"This healed a huge part of my preteen self. I used to always talk like this. No matter what. Thank you for being vulnerable like this and showing so many people. I saw this today, and I got humbled again. It put me right back there. I need to remember and honor that version of me more often. Thank you."
"I really appreciate when people wait for me to get my words out instead of finishing my sentence for me or trying to guess what i want to say. good for you dude!"
"Thanks a lot for showing your stutter and educating people! As a person who stutters myself, I find that most of the times what keeps people from truly connecting with me while I talk is the embarrassment of not knowing how to behave. That’s why I LOVE when they accept their embarrassment and ask me what would be best to do. Be genuine, no worries!"
Stuttering etiquette is actually quite simple.Photo credit: Canva
"I’ve had a stutter my entire life. I completely understand EVERYTHING you said. God, it feels so good to be seen. Love the videos man, good luck."
What exactly causes stuttering is a bit of a mystery. There are different kinds of stuttering, including developmental stuttering that begins in childhood and stuttering from other causes, such as a neurological event like a stroke or some sort of emotional or psychological trauma. Family history and genetics can play a role, as stuttering appears to run in families, and structural differences in the brain may contribute to a stutter as well.
Whatever the cause, stuttering affects around 1 in 100 adults, so chances are we'll all meet people who live with it. The more we learn from those folks, the more kind, compassionate, and inclusive we can all be.
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