Real men share the simple but challenging keys to 'winning' your 40s

One thing almost all of us have in common is a fear of getting older. Besides the obvious reckoning with our own mortality that comes along with aging, we're also forced to deal with unavoidable realities like a changing physical appearance (rarely for the better), mental decline, a body that can't do what it used to, and more. Fun stuff!

40 seems to be the magic number where people really begin to seriously reckon with getting older, a la a midlife crisis. The idea of a midlife crisis is usually played as a joke — middle-aged men buying flaming red sports cars — but can be a significant milestone in most people's lives where they really reflect on what matters and what their priorities will be for the remainder of their lives.

In fact, this time of reflection (and a bit of freaking out!) can actually be a good thing. Studies show that people overall tend to get happier and more satisfied as they get older, even into and beyond your 30s, 40s, and 50s. (Things tend to get a bit bumpy around your 70s, I'm sorry to say.)

So if you're on a collision course with your 40s, don't fret. You may not be able to avoid wrinkles and a creaky back, but your 40s can be the best decade of your life. If you know how to approach them.

Photo by Rana Sawalha on Unsplash

A recent Reddit thread on AskMenOver30 went viral and was chock full of incredible advice for "winning" your 40s. The advice was written for and by men, but could just as easily be applied to anyone.

The original poster, broccolisubstantial2, wrote:

"I turned 40 a few years back, and let me tell you—this decade hit differently. It's like life sends you an email marked 'URGENT,' and suddenly, you’re questioning your health, career, relationships, and whether or not you should actually start flossing.

"But here’s the thing: the 30s and 40s aren’t a crisis—they’re an upgrade. Here’s how I’ve approached it, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, wins, and struggles too."

Prioritize physical health, within reason

Started lifting regularly—not to look like Thor (though that’d be cool), but to future-proof my body. I eat better, but still smash the occasional burger because life is short. Sleep? Non-negotiable. 7 hours minimum. Don’t let the 20-year-olds shame you for it. - broccolisubstantial2

Exercise...walk, hike, bike, swim, lift whatever. It makes a huge odds. I'm mid 50s and have been exercising regularly for 25 years. It's only now I can really see the benefit. Mates who have not looked after themselves are getting ill e.g. diabetes (3 in past year), heart disease and heart attack (1 in past year), obesity (too many). This is only going to get worse. - assistantbitter2205

One big thing: skin care. I get monthly facials with the detail work (lady lurkers will know what I’m talking about) and they have made a massive difference. My skin is healthy and I look as though I just turned 40 rather than staring at 48. So gentlemen—facials. Get them, get the details, and prepare to experience exquisite pain getting your blackheads cleared out of your nose once a month. But the payoff is worth it. - mnemnosine

Doctors agree that sleep, exercise, and avoiding too much drugs and alcohol are the best things you can do for your body's longevity. Oh, and go to the doctor, for crying out loud! Looking at you, men.

Career? Less is more

I stopped chasing "success" and started chasing satisfaction. Learned to say “no” at work. If you’re not being paid for 24/7 availability, don’t give it. Investing in skills, not just a job. ... Now I work smart, not endlessly. - broccolisubstantial2

Actually pursuing becoming a full time landscape artist. Work smarter not endlessly is gold. - drvanostranmd

Dude it legitimately changed my life when at 25 I realized that my go on life is not to succeed but to be content with the life I have. ... Am I successful in my job? No but I'm making enough money to live, save up some, and buy myself nice things when I want all while my job doesn't take up too much of my time. - ninjabladeJr

Wellness Camille Styles says settings boundaries with work is huge at this age. Volunteering for every extra project and saying Yes to everything to get ahead is a game for your 20s and maybe 30s. Your 40s are the moment to begin respecting your own time.

Relationships matter more than ever

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Friendships: They shrink, but that’s fine. Quality over quantity, lads. Dating/Marriage: Communicate like your life depends on it. It probably does. Family: Yeah, call your mum. - broccolisubstantial2

The biggest priority is to continue to like my wife even though we're mostly just co-parents right now and sometimes friends. If we can make it to the youngest being out of the little stage then I think I'll have a great marriage to look forward to in my 40s. - htom_sirvoux

Stop wilfully interacting with people who are energy vampires. Used to have a buddy who was a chronic yes man, and would say whatever he thought you wanted to hear. I don’t have the energy to try and figure out whether you’re being honest or not. See ya. This has also furthered my resolve to say what I mean and mean what I say. Which is difficult, as I used to really enjoy biting sarcasm. - stockuser42

You may find your 40s is a time you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone to make new friends. If you've lost touch with many and found your social circle too whittled down, don't be afraid to join a new club, take a class, or volunteer to strike up some new bonds.

Investing in mental health will keep you young

Therapy is not a weakness. It's like squats for your brain. Journaling once a week helped me declutter my thoughts. - broccolisubstantial2

Another life hack for someone of any age: mindfulness and being present. This is essentially a social super power that makes everyone involved feel awesome. So many things are vying for our attention these days. Someone who will calmly listen, marinate in your words, and respond in an appropriate and salient way is extremely rare. It really does not take much effort. Just imagine the person you’re talking to has something of value, and that that moment is currently the most important thing in your life. - mrrabblerouser

Experts agree that presence and mindfulness are huge for feeling happy and satisfied in your 40s and beyond. If you haven't already, now would be a great time to try meditation or journaling to help you with gratitude for each day.

Do whatever makes you happy, and do more of it

Picked up hobbies I abandoned in my 20s (any other late-night painters here?). Said yes to things I thought I was “too old” for (running at 39? Why not?). Prioritised experiences over "stuff." A trip with friends beats a new phone any day. - broccolisubstantial2

I’m 43. Last week I saw a Lego set I wanted in 1986 at a vintage toy store, complete in box. I hesitated, but eventually circled back and bought it. It brought me a certain nostalgic joy that I haven’t experienced in a very long time. Men, nurture your inner child! - rjove

Experts say the key to happiness as you get older is freeing yourself from other people's expectations when it comes to things you enjoy. The more you can distance yourself from what other people think of you, the better off you'll be. Just do what you want more often and get better at saying No to things you don't want to do.

The thread OP admitted he had a midlife crisis around the time he turned 40 and did all the wrong things: Bought the stereotypical sports car, had an affair, poured himself into work, relied too much on substances. He worried so much about his life coming to an end that he almost destroyed it way too early when, predictably, none of those things actually worked.

That's why the crisis is sometimes necessary. Being afraid of aging can be a good thing when it helps us focus and reprioritize on what's really important, like our relationships, our health, and doing things we love.

Pretty simple when you get right down to it, right?