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Want to be an excellent conversationalist? You should know the 43:57 rule.

It works for dating, friendships and business.

conversations, communications studies, listening
via Pexels

A couple havng a fun coversation on a date

When we think about gifted conversationalists, we’re more likely to think of great talkers—those who wow us with their insights, wit, and charm. However, communication experts believe that if you want to make a great impression on someone, knowing how to listen goes a long way.

Those of us who love being verbose may think the world loves us because of how well we can talk. But the person sitting in front of you has a lot to say, and nothing makes them feel better during a conversation than your undivided attention.

As the old saying goes, we never quite remember everything someone has said to us, but we’ll never forget how they made us feel. When you actively listen to your conversation partner, they feel that you value them and are receptive to their needs. It also eases any feelings of conflict or resentment.

After a good conversation, the person you spoke with should think, “Wow, that person really gets me,” instead of, “It was like I didn’t even exist.”

A study from 2016 on sales calls did an excellent job of quantifying the amount we should speak versus listen during a conversation. A marketing director at Gong.io analyzed 25,537 sales calls using artificial intelligence and found that the interactions where the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened 57% of the time had the highest sales yield.

This finding has come to be known as the 43:57 rule.


Even though the study was conducted on business calls, the reason that it works should apply to social conversations as well. Paying more attention helps a salesperson identify the client's needs and makes them feel comfortable spending money because they know it's with someone who understands their interests.

It’s the same as a social situation where the person you speak to wants to know they are valued and you respect what they say.

This is excellent advice, but sometimes it’s hard to listen when you’re in a fun conversation and have a lot to say. Kate Murphy, author of "You’re Not Listening," says it’s all about staying calm.

"Deep breaths are always good. They're always good. Because it...calms down that fear response. It helps you get more centered,” Murphy told WBUR. “But also to develop your curiosity. Like I said, make it more important to be curious than to be right. And to go into every conversation with that mindset of how could I be wrong? Instead of, let me prove how I'm right.”

“That's how you develop creative ideas. It's how you cooperate. It's how you find middle ground, or at least a peaceable existence,” Murphy added.

The idea that to be a great conversationalist one should master the art of listening is a bit counterintuitive. But, if you feel that you have a lot to say in conversations and can be interesting to listen to, imagine how great that’ll make others feel when you show that you enjoy listening to them as well. It’s a virtuous cycle where everyone wins.


This article originally appeared on 3.7.23

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Animals & Wildlife

6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?'

A question no one knew they needed answered.

Photo courtesy of Kerry Hyde

Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on? Science answers.

Cat owners sometimes have unique questions that even Google doesn't always have the answer to. This is probably the sole reason cat forums exist, but one kid who needed a 6th grade science project decided to skip the cat forums for answers and instead use the scientific method. Kaeden Henry, a sixth grader living in Florida, bravely pondered a question few (if any one) has been brave enough to ask: do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?

Since cats do whatever the heck they want, training them not to jump on kitchen counters is a feat even Hercules struggles to complete. These fierce felines don't care if you're cooking dinner or trying to get comfy in bed. If they want to sit somewhere, they're going to do it. The thought of cat butts on that expensive Serta pillow designed to feel like you're sleeping on a cloud can gross people out, but thanks to Kaeden, you no longer have to wonder if the butthole itself is also making contact.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The curious sixth grader is homeschooled and well-versed in the scientific method thanks to her mother's PhD in animal behavior with a concentration in feline behavior. And, since they own cats, the science experiment was pretty straightforward (and directly impactful).

To complete the experiment, Henry and his mom, Kerry Hyde, bought non-toxic lipstick and applied it to each of their cat's anuses. Then, the cats were given commands.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"Non-toxic lipstick was applied to their bum-bums, they were then given a series of commands (sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Side note: Both cats have been trained since kittenhood with a variety of commands, they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak.), they were compensated with lots of praise, pets, and their favorite treats, and the lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once we collected our data in just under 10 minutes," Hyde wrote in a Facebook post.

The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on. Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details. Kaeden's experiment covered long-haired, short-haired, and medium-haired cats (if your cat is hairless, you better stock up on Clorox wipes just in case).

"His results and general findings: Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all. Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But we did see evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface. Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and they may be lying on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces!" Hyde shares.

Now every curious cat owner can rest easy knowing that as long as their cat has hair, their bare bottom balloon knot is not touching the majority of surfaces in their home.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The amusing experiment caught the Internet's attention. People laughed and commented, with one person writing, "This is probably the most useful information I’ve learned from a science fair project."

"Good to know!...I can now eat my sandwich left on the counter with confidence!" another writes.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"A+++!!! Whew!! I am very grateful for your sciencing on this subject. My fears from walking in on my cat sitting on my laptop keyboard and subsequently being grossed out and cleaning furiously in a hyper-ocd manner have been somewhat allayed and now maybe I won’t have to use QUIIITE so many wipes." someone chimes in.

"Finally.. Someone answers the important questions!!"

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Pets

Tearjerker video shows Golden Retriever enjoy one last visit to the yard she grew up in

"She knew what was gong on."

@honey.andherhumans/TikTok

Hug you fur babies tight.

Having our beloved fur babies cross the rainbow bridge is devastating, but it’s a blessing when we are able to say goodbye in an intentional way. Bestowing them their favorite treats, setting up a special place for one last cuddle, visiting one of their favorite haunts…these little rituals don’t necessarily take the pain away, but they do help us feel like we did our part to thank our beloved creatures for a lifetime of pure love.

For the family of Nala the Golden Retriever, that meant taking her to the yard she created so many childhood memories in for one last bask in the sun.

In a video posted to TikTok, we see sweet Nala being carried by dad, all smiles and tail wags. As one of her owners wrote in the caption, she seemed to “know what was going on,” and was letting her family know that “she was going to be okay.”


@honey.andherhumans I’ll love you my whole life Nala ❤️ #goldenretriever #dog #dogs #dogloss ♬ original sound - katherine


Dad, whose face in the video says it all, shared a special relationship with Nala, and considered her his “soul dog.” But really, the entire family gave her lot of love throughout her life, adorning her with beautiful bows, lighting a fire for her to watch after her nightly walks (she had begun sundowning), and offering her sips of yummy matcha.


@honey.andherhumans Nala had all the love in the world 🥹🪽these two together were everything ❤️ #dog #dogs #dogloss #souldog ♬ when the party's over - Billie Eilish


@honey.andherhumans if your dog doesn’t come on your coffee runs is it really a coffee run #dog #dogs #dogtiktok #nj #riposo #riposocoffee #riposocoffeeroasters ♬ original sound - Sofia Coelho


But really, you don’t have to know a thing about Nala to feel moved by this video, because any pet owner who’s lost a fur baby knows exactly how bittersweet these final moments are.

As one person wrote in the comments, “losing a dog is a different kind of pain.” Another echoed, “the hardest part of having dogs.”

Others were quick to offer some words of encouragement.

“In another life, she'll run towards all of you again. with the biggest smile,” one person said, while another added, “I think she got a glimpse of just how many snackies are waiting for her in doggie heaven!”

Two other honorable mentions:

“This is my yard and my dad's got me, all is well.”

“We had some good memories out here, didn’t we?”

Since Nala’s passing, her family has received support in many lovely ways. In the video below, we see a special box for her ashes made by a friend across the country, with the words to the “Rainbow Bridge" poem printed on top.


@honey.andherhumans the most special, thoughtful gift 🥹😭❤️ #dog #dogs #dogloss #dogtiktok ♬ original sound - WBsongs


We sign on to be pet parents knowing that heartbreak is inevitable. That’s why it’s so vital to fill those limited days with as many precious memories as possible for our little angels to take with them onto the other side. Luckily, those can be simple things: a car ride here, special treats there, and, of course, never underestimate the power of cuddles. So, go give your fur baby the biggest hug possible.

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Science

Innovative farm in Virginia can grow 4 million pounds of strawberries on less than one acre

This method uses 97 percent less land and up to 90 percent less water than conventional farming.

Photo credit: Canva

A new way to grow strawberries with less land, less water, and more berries.

Strawberry farm harvests aren't something most of us calculate on a regular basis (or ever at all), but the numbers from a strawberry farm in Richmond, Virginia, are staggering enough to make it worth an old-school word problem. If the average American eats 8 pounds of strawberries a year, and an average strawberry farm yields approximately 20,000 pounds of berries per acre, how many people could a 200-acre strawberry field feed?

I won't make you do the math. The answer is 500,000 people. But what if a crop that size, providing enough strawberries for half a million people, could be grown on just one acre instead of 200? It's possible. You just have to go—or rather grow—up, up, up.

Indoor vertical farm company Plenty Unlimited knows a lot about growing up. In fact, it's their entire business model. Instead of the sprawling fields that traditional farming methods require, vertical farms have a much smaller land footprint, utilizing proprietary towers for growing. Plenty has used vertical farming methods to grow greens such as lettuce, kale, spinach and more for years, but now it boasts a vertical berry farm that can yield a whopping 4 million pounds of strawberries on a little less than an acre.

Growing indoors means not being at the mercy of weather or climate inpredictability (barring a storm taking out your building), which is wise in the era of climate change. Unlike a traditional greenhouse which still uses the sun for light, Plenty's indoor vertical farms make use of the latest technology and research on light, pinpointing the wavelengths plants need from the sun to thrive and recreating them with LED lights. Plenty farms also don't use soil, as what plants really need is water and nutrients, which can be provided without soil (and with a lot less water than soil requires). Being able to carefully control water and nutrients means you can more easily control the size, taste and uniformity of the berries you’re growing.

If that sounds like a lot of control, it is. And that idea might freak people out. But when a highly controlled environment means not having to use pesticides and using up to 90% less water than traditional farming, it starts to sound like a solid, sustainable farming innovation.

Plenty even uses AI in its strawberry farm, according to its website:

“Every element of the Plenty Richmond Farm–including temperature, light and humidity–is precisely controlled through proprietary software to create the perfect environment for the strawberry plants to thrive. The farm uses AI to analyze more than 10 million data points each day across its 12 grow rooms, adapting each grow room’s environment to the evolving needs of the plants – creating the perfect environment for Driscoll’s proprietary plants to thrive and optimizing the strawberries’ flavor, texture and size.”

Plenty even has its own patent-pending method of pollinating the strawberry flowers that doesn’t require bees. Even just the fact that this enormous crop of strawberries will be coming from Virginia is notable, since the vast majority of strawberries in the U.S. are grown in California.

strawberry fieldTraditional strawberry farming takes up a lot of land.Photo credit: Canva

Plenty's Richmond farm is currently growing strawberries exclusively for Driscoll’s.

“Partnering with Plenty for the launch of the Richmond Farm allows us to bring our premium strawberries closer to consumers in the Northeast, the largest berry consumption region in the U.S.,” Driscoll’s CEO Soren Bjorn said in a press release. “By combining our 100 years of farming expertise and proprietary varieties along with Plenty’s cutting-edge technology, we can deliver the same consistent flavor and quality our customers love — now grown locally. This new innovative farm is a powerful step forward in continuing to drive category growth in new ways for our customers and consumers.”

Is Plenty’s model the farm of the future? Perhaps it’s one option, at least. The more we grapple with the impact of climate change and outdated, unsustainable farming practices, the more innovative ideas we’ll need to feed the masses. If they can get 4 million pounds of strawberries out of an acre of land, what else is possible?

This article originally appeared in February

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Health

A 79-year-old former athlete is documenting his journey to dunk again

Coolest grandpa ever.

Canva Photos

A man who hasn't dunked a basketball in several decades wants to see if he can still do it.

When you think of a person in their late 70s and the things they can do to stay active, you probably imagine things like walking, aqua fitness classes, or using light dumbbells or resistance bands. Easy stuff, right? The most important thing is to not push it too hard and end up getting injuries. At that age, many people are prone to falls and their bones are more brittle—which puts them at great risk of broken bones and other serious damage.

One of the highest impact and most intensive forms of exercise a person can do? Jumping. Even a lot of younger people don't like to do it too much because it's so hard on the knees and other joints. But the benefits for bone density, balance, coordination, and overall physical health are incredible, making it such a catch-22 activity for older seniors.

A 79-year-old recently decided he wanted to try to dunk a basketball. Even better, he's documenting the whole thing on YouTube.


basketball, dunk, seniors, exercise, senior citizens, older adults, aging, longevityCharlie Gross in six months.Giphy

Charlie Gross retired in 2013. He's a husband and grandfather who's always managed to stay fit. Back in his day, he was quite the athlete. "I would say for a 79-year-old I'm physically active and mentally in pretty good shape," he says.

Gross says the last time he was able to dunk a basketball on a regulation hoop, he was around 30. He remembers a volleyball game in the early '80s where he grabbed the volleyball and was able to dunk it. That was the last time he pulled it off successfully.

Gross works and volunteers as a gym teacher for homeschool students and was inspired by a vertical leap test he did with his class. He measured his vertical leap at 11 inches, which he calls "embarrassing"—the average vertical leap for most men is somewhere around 16-20 inches, but those numbers are typically for people much younger. An 11-inch vert at almost 80 years old is already impressive! Gross was teaching and training some of his students to increase their vertical leap, and he got the idea to see if any of the tips would work for him.

"Just seemed like kind of an interesting challenge to take on," he noted. And so be began his journey. He enlisted the help of his grandson, Zach, to create a mini "documentary" for YouTube.

For reference, Gross is 5' 10". He's in generally good physical health but, like anyone his age, he's been through some challenges including a partially torn rotator cuff and a bout with prostate cancer. Dunking a basketball is an enormous challenge, but Gross is up for it.

Toward the end of the first video, he runs a test to establish his baseline. With a light jogging start and after a couple of attempts, Gross can replicate his 11-inch vertical in real-world conditions.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In a follow-up video about two weeks later, the progress is remarkable.

Gross recounts his workout routine, which consisted of squats, standing jumps, weighted jumps with dumbbells, calf stretches, toe raises, farmers walks, and more. He's super cognizant of not pushing too hard and hurting himself. Gross is well aware that his age makes him an injury risk if he works out too strenuously or engages in too much high-impact training.

Another real-world test out in the driveway basketball court clocked Gross at about a 13-inch vertical. The update finishes up with Gross attempting to dunk on an eight-foot rim.

He's well on his way! Though the task remains daunting.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Gross posted his first video just two weeks ago as of this writing, and today he already has nearly 15,0000 subscribers and over 300,000 total views on his two updates. Commenters can't get enough and are so excited to root for him on his journey:

"What a LEGEND!!! So inspirational."

"The fact that you're 79 and you still have this lively and joyful mindset, and that your body is in remarkably good condition is just awesome. Kudos to you and good luck sir!"

"Yeah this man is who everyone should aspire to be like when they are older. Physically and mentally active at 79 is no easy feat. Kudos!"

"I DO NOT CARE WHETHER YOU SUCCEED OR FAIL...YOU ARE ALREADY A LEGEND FOR THIS!"

The physical benefits for people Gross' age when it comes to staying active are obvious. Regular movement and exercise can do wonders for your longevity, especially in your later years, and also improve your quality of life. He's 79 and so full of life he honestly seems decades younger. But the best thing we can take from Gross' example is his willingness to try something new and set a challenging goal for himself.

According to Pacific Angels Home Care, "In some regards, goal setting is especially important for seniors. It gives seniors control over their lives and allows them to reflect on what is important to them and what interests them. They can determine what will motivate them and give them purpose." The mental boost from working to achieve a goal helps fight off the depression that's so common in seniors. And besides, trying new things and challenging ourselves is a crucial part of being alive.

In one of his videos, Gross quotes Spock from Star Trek: "Live long and prosper," he says. I'd say, whether he ends up dunking or not, he's definitely prospering already!

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Celebrity

Dick Van Dyke perfectly sings 'Mary Poppins' classic "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

He's still got it.

katieb1013/Instagram/Wikipedia

Actor Dick Van Dyke sings Mary Poppins tune "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

At 99 years old, actor Dick Van Dyke isn't slowing down. The Hollywood icon proved he is still sharp as a tack and extremely talented at an event in Malibu, California, over the weekend where he belted out a perfect version of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” from the movie Mary Poppins.

Van Dyke reprised his role as chimney sweep Bert for the special performance, which made its debut in 1964. To no one's surprise, his spectacular rendition wowed the crowd.

In a video captured by attendee Katie Bonaccorso (@katieb1013), Van Dyke's talent was on full display. "Actual dream come true today seeing @official_dick_van_dyke in person 🥹," she captioned the post.

In the video, Van Dyke is seated next to his wife, Arlene Silver. Together, they sing the tongue-twisting tune that delighted the audience.

"Attending Sunday's Vandy Camp was one of the coolest experiences of my life!" Bonaccorso tells Upworthy. "As a lifelong Dick Van Dyke fan, it was amazing to see him live and listen to him sing without missing a single word! To be 99 years old and performing at a charity event raising money for the firefighters in LA is so unbelievably selfless. That man is a national treasure and should be protected at all costs."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Viewers cannot get enough of seeing him perform the sentimental hit. "Seeing Mary Poppins at Radio City Music Hall in 1964 was one of the most magical memories of my childhood," one viewer commented. Another added, "Bless him! 99 years young!!" Another viewer shared, "Perhaps my best click of the week. An energetic spirit-lifter from one of the last legends of a generation’s childhood."

The video was taken at a monthly event hosted by Van Dyke and his wife called Vandy Camp, which was hosted at Aviator Nation Dreamland. One hundred percent of the event's proceeds went to the Los Angeles Emergency Preparedness Foundation (LAEPF) Community Brigade, an organization that helps residents of Los Angeles prepare for natural disasters.

It's a cause near and dear to the couple, whose home was impacted in the recent fires in Southern California. "We just love being home. We love Malibu, and it's our favorite place, our house especially. So this is like our, you're at our house," Silver told PEOPLE. "We're so grateful. Our house did get hit by the Franklin fire, but in the scheme of things, we got very lucky.”

During the performance, Van Dyke also sang another hit from Mary Poppins, "Let's Go Fly a Kite."

Van Dyke sang a number of other songs during the show, including "Everybody Loves a Lover," and the theme song to “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”

"And I'm seven months from a hundred," he told PEOPLE. Clearly, Van Dyke's talent and passion are more alive than ever.

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