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How the 'magic' 5:1 ratio can be the key to marital bliss

It was developed by famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratio
via Canva/Photos

A happily married couple.

Have you ever wondered whether you fight too much or are snippy too often with your significant other? Conflict is normal in long-term relationships, but when do too many negative interactions become harmful?

The interesting (and helpful) thing is that a ratio reveals the number of negative versus positive interactions one should have with one's spouse. The ratio was created by Dr. John Gottman, who known for conducting studies in which he and his team could predict whether a couple would get divorced with 94% accuracy.

What is the 5:1 ratio for relationships?

Gottman says that in healthy couples, there should be, at minimum, 5 positive interactions for every negative one. "The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict,” Gottman said. “There is a very specific ratio that makes love last. That ‘magic ratio’ is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions."

The underlying message is that unhappy couples tend to engage in fewer positive interactions and if their positive-to-negative ratio drops to 1-to-1 or less, they may be headed for divorce.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of negative interactions with your spouse?

  • Invalidating them
  • Not doing a task you told your partner you would do
  • Failing to listen
  • Rejecting a bid for connection, such as a hug or a conversation
  • Raising your voice
  • Rolling your eyes
  • Forgetting events or milestones that are important to your partner

Gottman also stresses in his research that when couples communicate negatively using the “Four Horsemen,” the relationship may be headed for divorce. The Four Horsemen are Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt, or Stonewalling. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament,” Gottman’s website reads. “They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death, respectively. We use this metaphor to describe communication styles that, according to our research, can predict the end of a relationship.

The 5:1 ratio provides married people with a good baseline on what constitutes a healthy relationship and a good idea of when the relationship has become too negative. After all, none of us are perfect, and we all deserve grace. But how much is too much?

The ratio reminds us that we can all improve our relationships by striving to have more positive interactions than negative ones. Even if your ratio is high and healthy, there’s nothing wrong with trying your best to do better for your and your partner.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of positive interactions you can have with your spouse?

  • Be affectionate
  • Show appreciation
  • Actively listen when they speak
  • Do something that relieves their stress level, whether it’s a chore or helping with the kids
  • Be thoughtful through small gestures that let you know you’re thinking of them.
  • Validate their feelings
  • Be empathetic, especially during conflict

Remember, just because you disagree with your spouse doesn’t mean it has to be a negative experience. “When the masters of marriage are talking about something important,” Dr. Gottman says, “they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections.”

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Joy

5 things that made us smile this week

Grab your tissues and read some seriously good news.

Grab your tissues and get ready for some seriously good news.

True

After a harrowing election season, we could all use an emotional pick-me-up. Thankfully, the internet never fails to deliver. Check out five uplifting stories we’ve found that made us smile this week.

Enjoy—and don't forget to share the love!

1. This toddler's adorable reaction

@vita.paskar This is when things start to get exciting 🥹 when they begin to understand! #fyp #christmas #target #toddler ♬ Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

Victoria Paskar’s son Ellis had just been born last December, so when it came to appreciating the magic of the holiday season, it wasn't something he was really able to do. This year, however, that’s changed: In an adorable TikTok video, Paskar caught the moment when Ellis (now a toddler) notices the lit-up trees and holiday decorations. So magical and pure in every way.

2. More meals for seniors in need

Subaru - Share the Love Event and Meals on Wheels

Hunger is a national problem, and one that Subaru is helping to fix. Thanks to the Subaru Share the Love Event, Subaru has delivered more than 4.6 million meals and friendly visits to seniors facing hunger and isolation. Since 2008, Subaru is the largest automotive donor to Meals on Wheels—and they’re just getting started. With every new Subaru sale, Subaru and its retailers donate at least $300 to charities like Meals on Wheels.

3. This five-year-old piano prodigy brings down the house with Mozart

Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani wows audiences with his amazing musical talents.Pianoforte/Facebook

A clip of a five-year-old performing at the 10th International Music Competition in Italy is now going viral, and it’s no surprise why. To little to even reach the pedals with his feet, Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani still wows the audience with a masterful performance of a Mozart piece. According to his mother, Alberto had participated in seven national and international music competitions and won first place in all of them, all by the time he was four and a half. It’s like he’s channeling Amadeus himself.

4. An adopted man reunites with his bio mom and forms a "sweet" connection

Lenore Lindsey and Vamarr HunterABC 7 / YouTube

When 50-year-old Vamarr Hunter decided to take a genealogy test to find his biological mother, he had no idea how close he had already been to finding her. After a genealogy test, Hunter discovered that his mother, Lenore Lindsey, who had given him up for adoption as an infant, was actually the owner of “Give Me Some Sugar” in South Shore Chicago—Hunter’s favorite bakery. The two experienced an “immediate connection” after meeting, and after Lindsey suffered a stroke, Hunter stepped in to manage the bakery full-time. No, you’re crying.

5. A teacher uses AI to inspire her classroom

Now this is wholesome: An elementary teacher in Turkey named Gülümser Balci used artificial intelligence to create images of her students as their future selves in their dream jobs. Each kid is shocked and delighted to see themselves as adults, living out their dreams.

For more things that'll make you smile, check out all the ways Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season, here.

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Pets

Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Woman asks strangers, 'What's it like being beautiful?' Turns out it's a magical question.

People's reactions speak volumes.

Tanya Sangani/Instagram (used with permission)

So many people aren't used to getting compliments.

Asking random strangers questions has become a fun way to utilize social media in the 21st century, with viral gems like "the corn kid" and couples sharing their love stories delighting audiences. But one woman in New York has a unique twist on the "asking strangers" trend that has people inspired to see the beauty in everyone.

Tanya Sangani, whose social media content focuses on kindness, asks random people in New York City one question: What's it like to be beautiful? That's it. So simple. But the way people respond to that question speaks volumes about how they're used to—or not used to—seeing themselves.

Watch these reactions:


@tanyasangani

Hope core in New York #god #hopecore #actsofkindness #humanity #actsofservice

First of all, "Oh bro, that's so wholesome," is the most wholesome response possible to that question, right? And clearly the guy at the end needed to hear the compliment embedded in the question.

See how everyone's first reaction to the question is to smile and then seem sort of humbly embarrassed? Being told they're beautiful as the baseline of the question takes them off guard. The question they're being asked to answer is "What's it like?" but the underlying message is an unequivocal "You are beautiful, no question about it."

That's the wisdom of the question itself. Sangani doesn't ask people, "Do you think you're beautiful?" or "Do you see your own beauty?" Their inherent beauty is not in question. It's a given. And just that simple wording disarms people in way that's truly beautiful to see.

"When I ask others, 'What’s it like to be beautiful?' my intention is not only to explore the meaning of beauty but to help each person recognize it within themselves," Sangani tells Upworthy. "I want them to see their own light—the radiance that starts from within and shines outward. Through their stories, I hope to remind all of us that beauty is not just seen, it is felt. It is within all of us."

In video after video, we see similar responses, with some people even getting teary as they try to figure out what to do with the question.

@tanyasangani

Hype up these amazing humans in the comment section ! #hopecore #actsofservice #actsofkindness #wordsofaffirmation #newyorkers

"I started asking people what it’s like to be beautiful because, growing up, I was bullied for not fitting into conventional standards of beauty," Sangani tells Upworthy. "It made me question: What does it really mean to be beautiful? Is beauty something we can see and measure, or does it come from a deeper place within us? This question stayed with me for years, shaping how I saw myself and the world. There were times when I felt I looked good on the outside, but something still felt missing—I didn’t truly feel beautiful. It was in those moments of disconnect that I came to understand: beauty isn’t just about appearance. True beauty is found in the essence of who we are and the energy we bring into the world."

People in the comments share what seeing these videos means to them and how simple acts of kindness like this can make a surprisingly bit impact.

"Normalize treating people with love and watching them glow."

"Omg the lady who cried. Why is it the most beautiful people and ypu just feel her beautiful aura too that just never know their true beauty."

"This was wonderful because those young men will remember that compliment when they are 80. Guys almost never get an honest compliment so it will hold with them."

"I love this. You be amazed how many people are shook with a question like this. It shows you how many people struggle with their self esteem. This was a sweet experiment."

"Girl you healed something inside each one of them that day. 🫶"

"Sometimes I really really love humans. Wow."

"If only we could all see the beauty in ourselves and others.... what a wonderful world this would be."

What's interesting is that the responses are so similar, whether it's a person considered "conventionally beautiful" or not. People often don't see their own beauty, even when others do, and

The word "beautiful" also means so many things—it's not just about meeting some arbitrary criteria for social beauty standards. It's not the same as "pretty" or "handsome." Beauty is something bigger, deeper, more than what someone looks like on the surface.

As one person said, "I was noticing how they actually look more beautiful after you asked them the question." So true.

As Sangani says, "Beauty is the kindness that lives in your heart, the part of you that touches others and never fades. It’s the warmth you give—the way you make people feel seen, loved, and valued. It’s found in the how you make others laugh, the comfort of being with those who matter most, and the light you carry that can brighten someone’s day, even without a word. Beauty is an energy, an aura, a presence that can touch lives even before a conversation begins."

Who would imagine that a question as simple as "What's it like to be beautiful?" could elicit such emotional responses, both from the people being asked and the people witnessing their responses?

"This made me cry. Love it. We need to compliment each other more!!!!"

"My eyes are getting watery, what’s happening 🥺 ugh, i love this!!!!!!!!"

"Crying for everyone of us that doesn’t know how to respond to this question. This touches my heart so deeply. ❤️"

"Thank you for making me cry and I mean that in the most awesome way. 🥰"

"This is the most positive life affirming act. It is so easy to tell someone they are beautiful and mean it. Why can’t we do this more?!?"

It's true. This is something any one of us can do at any time. Clearly, most of us could use the confidence boost, and who wouldn't want to see a stranger's face light up the way these folks' do?

Thank you, Tanya, for the inspiration. Let's all vow to pay people more compliments, however we choose to do it.

You can follow Tanya Sangani on Instagram and TikTok for more examples of humans being beautiful.


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Adopted puppy takes first walk with new family and digs up treasure worth nearly $8,000

He's a regular gold retriever.

pixabay.com

Lagotto romagnolo puppy.

Many a canine lover would agree that all dogs add value to our lives. But let’s face it, Ollie takes it to a whole new level. Adam Clark and Kim Mcguire of Blackpool, England, originally bought little Ollie as a surprise for their daughter Alice. However, it turns out they were in store for a lovely surprise as well.

Ollie is much more than an adorable face. His breed, the lagotto romagnolo, once used its keen sense of smell to hunt waterfowl in the wet marshlands of Italy, according to Dog Time. Here's an example of what a lagotto romagnolo looks like:

Cuteness at 110%.upload.wikimedia.org

Pretty much a teddy bear on four legs.

These pups are also natural diggers, and nowadays the only dogs bred specifically to hunt for truffles.

These talents came into play rather quickly when after only 10 minutes into his first family walk in the park, Ollie began to frantically dig into the soil.

Much to everyone’s surprise, Ollie dug up what appeared to be 15 sovereign coins, meaning pieces of gold that could date back as far as 1489.

puppy finds gold coins worth $8000

A gold sovereign.

www.publicdomainpictures.net

Clark took the coins to be examined by a reputable gold dealer, who not only deemed the coins legitimate, they valued them to be £5,943.96, equivalent to $7,564. It's not clear how much the family paid for Ollie, but it seems safe to say that they got their money back … and then some.

Though Ollie’s find is remarkable, Clark still finds his presence to be the ultimate gift. "The treasure is one thing, but the fact is, I've bought myself my very own gold hunter, and I cannot wait to take him out again," he told The U.S. Sun. "He is obviously a very special pup, and I'm thrilled with what he brings to the table — quite literally!"

And while lagotto romagnolos work really well for finding truffles (and potentially 19th century gold coins), they also make for great companions. Dog Time adds that they are easily trainable, good with children and their hypoallergenic coats keep allergies at bay, though they do require dedicated grooming. It's a pretty even trade-off for their undying affection and easy-going attitudes. Especially if they happen upon a small fortune!

There’s no real telling what other trinkets Ollie might dig up. But one thing’s for sure—he’s making his family very happy. And that is priceless.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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From “Breaking Bad” to breaking barriers: RJ Mitte celebrates a theater redefining inclusion

The Prospector Theater has paid $26 million in wages to employees with disabilities—and sparked a movement.

Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

RJ Mitte at the Prospector's Gala, celebrating 10 years of changing the lives of those with disabilities.

RJ Mitte, best known for his portrayal of Walter White Jr. in Breaking Bad, has never shied away from using his platform to advocate for inclusion and opportunities for people with disabilities. Recently, he attended the Prospector Theater’s 10th anniversary gala in Ridgefield, Connecticut, where he celebrated the theater’s innovative approach to meaningful employment and shared how the arts can create transformative change.

The Prospector Theater celebrates 10 years of making a real difference. Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

The Prospector Theater, a nonprofit cinema, has a clear mission: to provide competitive and fulfilling jobs to people with disabilities. This "sparkly beacon of hope" stands as a testament to what’s possible when a community commits to inclusion. The theater was founded by Valerie Jensen, who drew inspiration from her sister, Hope, born with Down syndrome. Jensen’s determination to create opportunities for people with disabilities led to the transformation of a historic Ridgefield, Connecticut building into a state-of-the-art, inclusive workplace.

"Val really inspired me to continue to push forward and to continue my missions."

— RJ Mitte

A model for inclusion

In its first decade, the Prospector Theater has employed over 330 people, combining competitive wages with an empowering workplace culture. It’s not just a theater—it’s a symbol of what’s possible when businesses commit to inclusion.

Ryan Wenke, Valerie Jensen, and State Senator Julie Kushner pose for a photo.Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

“Everyone in this world deserves a job or a career that they feel passionate about, that they feel connected to, that they feel that they want to wake up and go to work in the morning,” Mitte said.

"When you enrich someone's life and you give that opportunity, it changes people—not just the individual that you're giving the job to, but everyone around that individual."

— RJ Mitte

He went on to note that while many jobs available to people with disabilities are isolated or low-visibility, the Prospector prioritizes customer-facing roles that showcase employees’ skills and talents.

"I think where the Prospector is today is 100 years past many organizations when it comes to this type of meaningful employment and business model."

— RJ Mitte

Representation in action

At the gala, attendees celebrated the theater’s success with a screening of The Wizard of Oz, a film that resonates deeply with themes of courage, inclusion, and hope. The timing felt especially poignant, as it coincided with the release of Wicked, featuring Marissa Bode as Nessa Rose—the first authentically disabled actress to play the role and a major step for authentic casting in a major production.

Prospect Tom Gollogly and RJ Mitte pose for a photo together.Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

For Mitte, the connection between the Prospector Theater’s work and milestones like Bode’s casting couldn’t be clearer. “This is the kind of progress we’ve been working toward for years,” he said. “Representation matters—not just in the stories we tell, but in who gets to tell them.”


Mitte reflected on how far inclusion in entertainment has come and the work still left to do."Now that we've seen people with disabilities in film and television not just play characters but succeed in playing these characters... We do have a long way to go... We may mess up along the way... but that's part of finding and growing, especially in the entertainment business."

The ripple effect

For Mitte, the gala was also a reminder of how businesses like the Prospector Theater can create ripple effects in their communities.

“For me, seeing that outpour of support and community—and the Ridgefield community specifically—was really, really nice to see, " Mitte said. "It doesn't happen everywhere.”

Mitte pointed to broader research showing that companies employing people with disabilities often see improved morale, greater innovation, and even higher profitability. The Prospector Theater, with its thriving business model and growing popcorn line, exemplifies how inclusion is both socially and economically beneficial.

How others can help

For businesses inspired by the Prospector model, Mitte offered practical advice. “Start small,” he said. “You don't have to employ 150, 250 people, but employing one—getting that one—because it's going to make a difference in your business.”

Prospector Production member Gabe Kavookjian holds a camera as he looks over his shoulder.Sarah Elizabeth Farrell

He emphasized that inclusion is an investment, not just in employees but in the future of the business itself. He added that the talent pool among people with disabilities is enormous, and creating an inclusive workplace allows businesses to access new perspectives that can lead to transformation.

"The Prospector Theater is a sparkly beacon of hope for the millions of Americans who can work, want to work, yet struggle to find meaningful employment."

— Valerie Jensen

A legacy in the making

Through his own foundation and advocacy work, Mitte continues to push for greater inclusion in all areas of life. But the Prospector Theater holds a special place in his heart.

“I wish programs like the Prospector existed when I was growing up,” he said. “What they've built here is truly amazing.”

Want to support the Prospector Theater? Visit prospectortheater.org to learn more, or treat yourself to their signature popcorn at prospectorpopcorn.org. As Mitte suggested, even purchasing their signature popcorn can contribute to making a difference.

making a difference
Pop Culture

Henry Winkler responded perfectly when VH1 cast his daughter in a Kim Kardashian reality show

That's a dad standing up for his kids.

via Super Festivals/Wikimedia Commons

Actor and author Henry WInkler.

Over the past few years, there has been a lot of talk about nepo babies, the children of the rich and famous who use their privilege to get elite positions in the entertainment world. As people become more conscious of the advantages of the rich and powerful, there has been a backlash against those who some feel haven’t earned their positions.

That’s why people applaud actor-author Henry Winkler for protecting his daughter, Zoe, from becoming a reality TV star. Winkler played one of the biggest roles in TV history, Arthur Fonzarelli, on “Happy Days” from 1974 to 1984. In 2018, he won his first Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series for portraying acting teacher Gene Cousineau on “Barry.”

Even though Winkler has been in the spotlight for 6 decades, he didn’t want the same for his daughter. The two shared the story on a recent episode of Zoe’s podcast, “What in the Winkler?!” which she hosts with her mother, Stacie.



"Do you remember when I was in the running to be ‘The Bachelorette’?" Zoe asked her father. "Oh, my goodness, and we put a stop to that," he said. "But only for your protection."

Zoe was also almost a star of “Quater-Life Crisis,” a proposed VH1 show starring Zoe’s friends, Kim Kardashian and Sarah Howard. "There wasn't even that much reality TV out. It was just ‘The Real World,’" Zoe said. "And me, Kim, and Sarah Howard were asked to be on a show called ‘Quarter-Life Crisis.’"

However, her father quickly ended her dreams of being a reality star in a calm and collected way that only “The Fonz” could. Unbeknownst to the elder Winkler, VH1 producer Matt Hanna put together a sizzle reel of the 3 girls and flew to Los Angeles to meet with her when he ran into the “Happy Days” star in his home.

"I said, 'It is so lovely that you're here. I can suggest some really good restaurants. My daughter is not doing your show,’” Henry recalled. Reality TV, however, would work out for Kardashian; “she went on to become the most famous person in the world,” Zoe said.



Kardashian recently appeared on Zoe’s podcast, where the “lifer” friends discussed their friendship, parenting and how to keep up with their kids’ social media.

Henry knew that becoming a reality TV star would have distracted Zoe from achieving her life goal of being a teacher. "[Reality TV] was so not the right thing for you to do in your life. It would have just perverted your trajectory. I really believe that,” Henry said, and Zoe agreed. "I became a teacher, which was the best job and what I always truly wanted to do,” she said.



In addition to her work as an educator, Zoe founded This is About Humanity, a nonprofit that raises awareness for families and children who have been separated and reunited at the U.S.-Mexico border. The nonprofit also educates people on being allies and advocates and helps support those affected by separation.

Zoe married actor-writer Robert Reinis in 2009 and the couple has 3 sons.

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