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Here are 13 of the 'most surprising' things people learned after getting divorced

"The person you married is not the same person you divorce."

divorce, reddit, divorce lessons

A couple is having a hard time in therapy.

Studies show that after the death of a spouse, getting a divorce is the second most stressful life event a person can have. It’s even worse than going to jail or losing one’s job.

Going through a divorce can be incredibly stressful because it involves significant changes in nearly every aspect of life. The process can feel overwhelming, from emotional upheaval and legal complexities to financial adjustments and parenting challenges. It often means redefining personal identity and future plans, which requires time, patience and support from loved ones to navigate successfully.

However, there can be many positive sides to getting a divorce, the biggest being able to get away from someone who is causing you grief. It can also be a means of escaping a tough financial situation or distancing yourself from toxic in-laws.


Getting divorced can also open the door for some much-needed personal change.

A Redditor who goes by BondEmilyBond asked divorced people on the AskReddit subforum, “What's the most surprising thing you learned from getting divorced?” Many people were happily surprised by some of the lessons they learned from getting divorced and the positive outcomes they never expected.

While the post could have easily turned dour, many shared that getting a divorce allowed them to grow in ways they never expected. The separation was also an opportunity for many of their spouses to grow as well.

Here are 13 of the “most surprising” things people learned from getting a divorce.

1. "The person you married is not the same person you divorce." — Royal_Arachnid_2295

"Very true! One thing I learned getting divorced fairly young (33) was that we only have one life, you have to make sure you’re happy. Marriage was not the partnership I expected, especially after having kids. I was doing the majority of the household work while also doing the majority of the childcare and working full time. I suddenly realized this couldn’t be the rest of my life. And things are so much better now." — Klopije

2. Sometimes, everyone needs to change

"How I DID need to change certain parts of myself and my life, but I was not the entire problem in our marriage." — Ughfinethisusername

3. "I expected to be heartbroken but mostly just felt relieved." — Oddwithoutend

"What is worst than being alone? Wishing you were alone." — AnnatoniaMac

"When the time came for me to spend my first night in my shi**y apartment, I unlocked the door, walked in, sat down on my couch, turned on my TV and then it hit me: No matter what I did that night, nobody was going to yell at me. And I felt so much relief in that moment, I was free and I didn't even realize that I hadn't been. I came to love that shitty apartment. My daughter and I lived there for three years (she's with me 50% of the time) and those were three of the happiest years of my life." — Spcoalpresense

4. You're never completely rid of your ex

"Not from my experience, but having children with your ex means you're not really rid of them, ever. They will always be around unless the children choose to remove themselves from their lives at some point. That includes the extended family, too, so it's a package deal at every event. It's not like they magically go away after the kids turn 18, though you do get to deal with them a little less." — Magicrowantree

"This is true, but I learned that it's much, much, much easier to be divorced with kids than it is to be unhappily married with kids." — Rusty0123

5. "I felt even more lonely when I was married." — bunbunzinlove

"First husband and I went to see 'The Misfits,' the 1961 Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable movie at the vintage movie house. At the very beginning, she's getting a Nevada divorce, and tells her husband: 'If I'm going to be alone, I want to be by myself.' He doesn't realize it, but that was a turning point in our marriage; that line floored me." — Flahdgal

6. Lawyers are expensive

"Sometimes you have to pay them to be able to communicate with someone you’re not able to communicate with." — Youngest_Syndrome_78

"Your lawyer is as expensive as your relationship was terrible/you or your ex is stubborn." — Youngest_Syndrome_78

7. Being alone is freedom

"How content I could be on my own. Never having to compromise throughout the mundane moments because you are living alone is very freeing." — Independent_Sunshine

"You know what I feel when I walk into my small divorce apartment? Peace! Blessed peace. No one's criticizing me. I'm not responsible for someone else's disappointing life choices. I am not his rage sponge, anymore. Goodbye, McMansion in the suburbs. Don't miss you." — Kit3399

8. The stress can be unbearable

"You can almost die from grief and disappointment." — HeartofGold48

"During one of our last fights, I fainted, fell backward on the concrete floor, and got a concussion and MRI. Apparently, stress can do that. The physical impact of divorce is something I never expected." — Haunting_Cattle2138

9. True love is awesome

"Pretty much how awesome life can be with a caring, kind, supportive spouse. I had no idea how bad I had it until the old one abandoned ship, and I met the true love of my life." — Relax-Enjoy

"This is so true. If you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time, experiencing real love is just astounding." — InactiveUser247

10. Unhealthy can be normalized

"You know, I remember at one point in my marriage thinking 'I guess this is just how it works.' After being unhappy for so long, it just seemed like the normal. But I've definitely found out that no, it's not how it works! A relationship can be happy and supportive, without you feeling like you have to do all the work!" — Anothercrockett

"Same. I put my emotional and physical needs on a shelf, just chalking it up as 'my lot'. The rest of my life was great (kids, family, friends, house, money, pool)... It wasn't until she dropped the D-word on me at the beginning of the year that I let my feelings of neglect out." — IBSeanB

11. You're more attractive than you thought

"How many men I knew that wanted to date me lol." — OK_Acanthistta5022

"My current partner also had this realization. The moment her separation became public then certain 'friends' were circling. She was still of the opinion that women can have truly platonic male friends, which they can, but the majority I believe have other motives." — LordBiscuits

12. Couples are great at putting on a facade

"When I got a divorce, it turns out it was the beginning of a spree of divorces in my neighborhood among my friends. In a 2 year period, 5 couples I knew in my neighborhood got divorces. All of them, to a tee, were couples that I thought were very happily married. It sparked a lot of frank and open conversations among me and my newly-divorced friends about marriage, relationships and goings-on that I had never had before. Turns out I was living a really dull and sheltered life. I was astonished at how much infidelity was going on, for example. There were shenanigans going on everywhere. ... So the takeaway for me was, couples can be very good at putting on a fake front of happiness." — framptal_tromwibbler

13. You can still be friends

"You can still be mates. It's not all 'burn your ex to the ground' sh**e. It is perfectly possible to get on with everyone (including in-laws). Sometimes marriages just do not work out." — CarpetGripperRod

"Plus, the new partner can actually be pretty ace! She’s wonderful to my kids and has always treated me with nothing but love and respect. My kids come first and I can’t see any downside to them having more love in their lives." — Substantial-Land-248

boomer, boomers, boomer clutter, clutter, hoarding, too much stuff

A Baby Boomer stands in his cluttered garage.

Millennials with Baby Boomer parents have not been shy about airing their complaints about the older generation. Millennials have previously noted that their parents tend to hoard food—and now they're are airing their grievances about Boomer "stuff avalanche."

On Reddit, Millennials discussed their frustrations about their Boomer parents and the insane amount of junk they have in their homes that (allegedly) will one day be passed down to them to deal with. Many Millennials shared that it is a source of contention for them, and that they wish their parents would just throw things out.


"3 car garage...cannot fit a single car in there," one commented. And another stated, "I am very concerned with the amount of junk my parents are holding onto."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

A fellow peeved Millennial added, "The worst part is that our parents think this is all worth lots and lots of money. Don’t worry kids, these three sets of china I’m saving for you will be worth millions!"

Another had laid down the law: "My mom kept joking about all the 'stuff' being my inheritance. After a few times I was tired of it, I looked her dead in the face and said in the most monotone I could get. 'I will get the biggest dumpster I can, and it will all go in the trash.' She stopped making that joke, and my parents have been slowly throwing out their junk ever since."

clutter, baby boomer stuff avalance, stuff, too much stuff, decluttering A Baby Boomer garage filled with stuff.Photo credit: Canva

Why Boomers struggle to throw things away

"The Boomer generation grew up in the post-war era shaped by rationing and economic rebuilding," Daniel Glazer, clinical psychologist and co-founder of US Therapy Rooms, tells Upworthy.

He adds that the Boomer inability to let stuff go is often criticized, but when you look at the psychology of their attachment to objects, their behavior makes much more sense.

"Not so long ago, saving things was an adaptive habit. 'That might come in handy' was a common refrain in households in which replacing something was not so easy, or affordable," says Glazer. "There is also an element of emotional security that comes from the things that have surrounded us through decades of life events, or even across a lifetime."

And for many Boomers, getting rid of stuff can signify an even bigger mental battle.

"As people age, there can also be an increased awareness of mortality," says Esin Pinarli, founder and holistic psychotherapist at Eternal Wellness Counseling. "Letting go of objects can feel symbolic, almost like letting go of chapters of their life. If no one is asking about those chapters anymore, those objects become the tangible proof that those experiences mattered. So it’s not stubbornness. It’s often about attachment, meaning-making, and a fear of losing relevance or erasing parts of their story."

How to help Boomers declutter

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Starting the conversation with Boomer parents in an empathetic and understanding way may help the process go more smoothly and deepen the relationship between them and their children. Here are a few examples of conversation starters Millennials can use when talking to their Boomer parents about decluttering:

Conversation Starter #1: "I know these things mean something to you. I’d love to hear the story behind a few of them."

"This shifts the focus from getting rid of objects to honoring the meaning behind them," says Pinarli. "When a parent feels seen and understood, they’re often more open to eventually letting go. It validates that the attachment is about memory and identity, not just stuff."

Conversation Starter #2: "What would feel good for you to keep, and what feels like it’s just taking up space now?"

"This gives them agency," Pinarli explains. "Instead of telling them what to throw away, it invites them to reflect on what still feels meaningful versus what might no longer serve them. That sense of control reduces defensiveness."

Conversation Starter #3: "Would it help to go through this together so we can make sure the important things are preserved?"

"This frames decluttering as a collaborative and supportive process, not a demand," Pinarli shares. "It reassures them that their memories and legacy won’t be dismissed or erased, which can lower the emotional intensity around letting go."

costco, costco cake, costco cakes, costco cake order, costco custom cake app
Canva/Wikimedia

Costco announces new app for custom cake orders.

Loyal Costco fans are lauding their favorite big-box store for a long-awaited change to its custom cake ordering system. In a company memo, Costco announced that it will be launching an app for customers to order customized cakes at the touch of their fingers without having to enter a Costco store.

"We've got ordering cakes and deli trays online coming," said Costco CEO Ron Vachris. "Many of the things that we've heard from our members that could be a little bit clunky are now moving to a digital state, and we're seeing great adoption right out of the chute."


It's a massive change from the previous custom cake process. Costco lovers have long complained about the old-school ordering system that required customers to physically go to the store's bakery, where they would fill out a slip of paper with their order requests and simply drop it in the order box.

@eatsbyrachel

Anyone else feel like the @Costco Wholesale custom cake ordering system is a bit antiquated? 🤔 Regardless, their analog process somehow always works 💯 #costco #costcobakery #cake #customcake #costcodoesitagain #costcocake #costcofinds #costcodeals #costcofind #costcofinds #eatsbyrachel

Costco's "1800s" custom cake ordering

Back in 2023, writer Lucy Huber humorously poked fun at Costco's seemingly outdated custom cake ordering system that resonated with fellow Costco shoppers. And her words went viral:

"Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like 'if you put it in the box, it will be there'," she wrote.



It was a system that also caused Costco members on Reddit a lot of anxiety.

"We did our wedding cakes from Costco, talk about a nerve-racking experience hoping everything worked out," one wrote.

Another shared, "Drop a paper in a hole and cross your fingers 🤣🤣."

Costco customers have mixed feelings

Many Costco customers and Redditors expressed their positive reactions to the updated ordering system news:

"As someone who lives 1.5 hours away from three different Costcos I LOVE this. I'm rarely in the market for a custom cake, but when I am I'm not driving an hour and a half to fill out the request form in store."

"This is GREAT! But will I also be able to order chocolate cake with white icing and vice-versa? Because currently I can’t do that at my Costco."

"While the box system worked, it was archaic. With anything, the new system will take time to implement."

"Jumping from the 19th century to the 21st century. Bravo Costco!"

Others weren't as happy:

"Kind of sad in a way. There are not too many interactions like this in the digital age."

"But the Paper & Pencil worked."

"Coming in 2027: I didn't get my cake at Costco because Amazon-East-1 is down :(."

"I have ordered many cakes with this low tech. Never an issue."

Costco bakery workers react

Workers in Costco bakeries also chimed in, many with negative opinions:

"As someone who works in the bakery this is going to be a disaster. Half the people don’t even know the name on the order or what the cake says when they come to pick up. Like 2 times a week we get someone trying to pick up at the wrong Costco."

"As a bakery employee, this is going to be a nightmare. The whole point of keeping the order form in warehouse only was to not overwhelm our staff AND (this one being the real reason I was given), is it makes people come in and 'grab a few items while their there, and then again when they come pick up the cake.' I am not looking forward to this. People are going to order at the wrong Costco, not do it right and then get mad at us. I'm terrified of this change 🫣."

"As someone who has worked in the bakery at Costco, the prevailing thought has been 'the system we have works fairly well, so they’re probably not gonna change it.' It’s the same reason that the major sales department still uses paper slips for computers. Well, except for the apple tables. Those have a little iPad kiosk that will print out your slip for you, but literally none of the members ever use it and instead ask us to do it for them."

Popular

People share the '10 second decisions' that meaningfully improved their lives forever

Proof that our fate is made up of a series of tiny choices.

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuition
Image via Canva

A woman at a fork in the road.

The average adult makes upwards of 35,000 decisions a day. These can include the bigger, more existential questions that require reflection to weigh the pros and cons. But the vast majority of decisions seem insignificant: What will I wear today? Order takeout or make food at home? Podcast or playlist? Still, these fleeting impulse choices can play just as big a role in our lives as the more thought-out ones.

Prime examples of this were recently made on Reddit, when people were asked to share a "decision you made in under 10 seconds that changed your life forever." These seemingly insignificant choices changed fates in profound ways.


“Decided to go to Subway instead of Dairy Queen. They were across the street from each other and I was passing through town during lunchtime. Ended up hitting it off with the woman making my sandwich. Next week is our 11 year anniversary.”

“My best friend said she wanted to move 2000+ miles across the country back to her home state and asked me if I wanted to come. I didn’t think, said ‘Yup, I’ll go.” We moved, less than a year afterwards I met my now wife. Couldn’t be happier.”

“Said yes to adopting a stray dog that followed me home. 10-second 'sure why not' moment—now he's my best buddy for 8 years.”


reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA van travels down the road. Photo credit: Canva


Others were able to uncover new passions they never imagined.

“I flipped a coin to decide if I was going to quit my job. Heads. I quit. A friend saw my lights on that night and stopped by to see what I was doing. I told him what happened, and he told me it was great timing. They let someone go at his job that day. He set me up with an interview for the next day, and I was hired. There were only three people who worked there. I eventually became the plant manager and have been working in management ever since!”

“Saw a random advert advertising scuba diving certification. I signed up thinking ‘why not?’ I’m now an aspiring diving instructor!”

“Early 20s and my sister asked me to drive her to the music shop to buy a guitar. I point one out and say ‘that black and gold one is gorgeous. Get that one.’ She tries it out and says ‘ehhh, I dunno if I really feel this one.’ I tell her that if she doesn't buy it, I will, and she says ‘you don't even play guitar! What are you gonna do with it?’ Walked out of the store with it on a complete whim, spent 3 months learning before I started doing open mics, making friends at the music shop, joining a band, and having the time of my life throughout my 20s.”

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA person plays the guitar. Photo credit: Canva
For some, a 10-second decision ended up with an unexpected windfall.

“Decided not to get into an elevator with my ex and her new boyfriend, so I took the stairs instead. On the third flight, I found a discarded scratch-off ticket that ended up being worth $50,000. It’s the only time in my life where being socially awkward actually paid off my mortgage.”

“A family in my marina announced that they are moving away the following week. They were going to turn their sailboat over to a broker to sell it for them. I mentioned that I was contemplating a larger boat with a smaller engine and would be interested in theirs. I asked what price would they consider? He said, $10k. I said, okay, and we shook on it. The boat was worth over $24k. I got a wheelbarrow from the marina corral and removed stuff from my smaller boat, walked it over to their dock, and loaded it onboard. That was ten years ago, and I still live on it six months out of the year. Sweet.”

Sometimes, these kinds of life-altering changes are simply fresh new outlooks on life.

“I was going through old text messages with my then girlfriend and realized I had become a very negative person. I decided right there to always look for the bright side of things. It takes some effort but that was 12 years ago and I'm much happier. It becomes second nature after a while.”

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA man smiles. Photo credit: Canva
In many instances, a 10-second decision prevented tragedy for themselves or others.

“Most of these answers are super happy and mine really isn’t but fits the question. Mine would be double checking on my wife before bed. She suffers from PTSD, depression and anxiety and had just been ‘off’ all day. I checked with her a couple times and she said everything was alright each time. It might sound weird but she was too happy and calm but kind of sad at the same time. It just didn’t sit right with me. She said she was going to bed and we kissed and I asked again she chucked and said to stop worrying. She went upstairs and I waited a few seconds and went up to say I think something is wrong. I stopped her from committing suicide that night. Normally I would take her for her word but that decision was 12 years ago and we are having the best version of our lives because I listened to my gut and went and checked.”

“One night I drove home from working evening shift (like 2 miles) and when I glanced in the rear view I had chills when I saw the headlights behind me at a red light. I got to my house and was about to park but then heard a voice in my head tell me to keep driving, so I did… and they continued to follow me. Called my dad to stay on the phone as I drove to a police station. Car stopped following when a cop car pulled up behind us (coincidentally). Next morning read about an armed carjacking in the area about an hour later.”

“In middle school my best friend invited me to Knott's Berry Farm with another group of kids he was friends with…I got to my friend’s house after running some errands with my mom. There were 5 kids aged 14-15 there. I asked my friend how we were getting [to Knott's Berry] and he said he was driving his dad’s car (he was underage and had no license). I was nervous but I wanted to look cool so, I said ok. Right before we got into the car, I had the worst feeling come over me. In approximately 5 seconds, I felt a drop in my stomach to a bottomless pit, a hot flash followed by chills, and intense nausea. I literally left without making a sound, running to a nearby Starbucks and using a stranger's phone and asking my mother to pick me up. I felt so embarrassed. I knew I was going to get shit all month from my friend…A few hours later, they were on their way home on the freeway and lost control of the vehicle. All 5 died.”

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA damaged vehicle sits on the side of a road. Photo credit: Canva
What about when you can't decide?

And yet, for some (make that many) of us, knowing that every decision is uniquely important can be a major source of anxiety, causing us to freeze via “analysis paralysis” and not choose at all—which, in itself, is a choice (they’re inescapable!). In fact, our brains tend to struggle more with less risky decisions.

Interestingly, experts seem to suggest combating this ambivalence with tools that force a quick deadline. You can either toss a coin or set a time limit, which would arguably incite one of these potentially life-changing 10-second decisions.

Life will inevitably call on us to make both long, thought-out decisions and to go with our gut. But hopefully, this reminds us that even our whims can lead to something truly pivotal without making us lose our minds.

mahjong, senior citizens, viral videos, funny videos, elderly

A woman named Debbie helps explain Mahjong-gate.

If you've ever watched seniors play Mahjong, you know they're not messing around. Some might find it complicated. A player's guide explains, "Mahjong is a 4-person game of skill and chance that originated in China." It involves numbered tiles, winds, dragons, flowers, and jokers. It's serious business that, while fun and an excellent way to stretch the mind, can lead to actual fights.

No fight has been more dramatic than what happened between Allison Novak (@allisonnovak) and her family. While visiting her parents in Florida (an escape from the cold Minnesota winter where they all usually reside), Novak, alongside her brother, sister, husband, and son, piled into the car en route to the airport. From there, we get the full rundown on "Mahjong-gate."



@alllisonnovak

My mom telling me about the mahjong drama at her retirement community. #mahjong #mahjongtable #drama #retirement #florida

According to Allison's mother, Cynthia, a woman named Barbara allegedly cheats at this game—and the other players aren't having it. She shared, "We're done with her. We're not playing with a cheater anymore."

Cynthia goes on to explain an "incident" regarding tapping tiles. "They tapped it. They put it down. And I said, 'Oh damn. I wanted that tile.' And Sharon goes, 'Just take it.' And Barbara said, 'No, I tapped it already.'"

From there, it takes a dramatic turn: "Last night, Barbara did some stuff that was outright…I mean really bad." She explains another tapping incident before explaining the etiquette of Mahjong: "So when you Mahjong, meaning you won, you have to show all your tiles to prove it. Kinda like bingo. But she takes her tiles and flips them over so no one really knows what she really had."

These videos have become a massive hit online. On TikTok alone, the first in the series was so popular it has nearly 5,000 comments.

"Barbara is mentioned thousands of times in the Mahjong Files," jokes one TikToker, a comment itself garnering over 7,000 likes.

"The secret lives of Mahjong Wives," another comments, putting a spin on the popular reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Lives.

The Mahjong saga was so popular it has now become a series, with each video clip more exciting and dramatic than the last. (Novak has put menacing music underneath the dialogue, adding to the already terrifying tension.)

@alllisonnovak

The Real Housewives of Mahjong Mannor update!!! 🚨🚨🚨 #mahjong #mahjongtable #drama #retirement #florida

In Part Two of the series, Cynthia's friend Debbie (while chatting with their other friends Bud, Diane, and Ralph) says, "Oh, she looks like this innocent little lady. She goes to church. Like I told them, I don't go to Mahjong to see how well I can cheat. You want to play the game."

She complains that Barbara never bothers to change her game up, which the others find frustrating. From there, the conversation goes left, escalating into a possible murder accusation. (They're joking, of course, but you'll have to watch the video to see for yourself.)

Commenters from Instagram and Threads are also getting in on the fun by treating the saga like the soap opera/reality show it is. Many point out the pronunciation of Mahjong as "Mar-Jawn," which adds an extra element of delight.

"The Barbara Chronicles are giving me life," reads one of the comments. Another points out how quickly it all escalated, saying, "The jump from cheating to murdering your own husband…LOVE IT."

In Part Five, Allison summarizes the whole affair, which leads to Barbara’s banishment from the game. At one point, Barbara runs away, and they chase after her with a camera. We then see a black screen with a chyron reading, "As of this recording, Barbara has declined all interview requests. Sources close to Barbara declined to comment. Some questions remain unanswered."

On Threads, one person noted that not everything is always as it seems. "This is one of those documentaries where Barb walks in for her talking head interview in the last ten minutes and blows it all up."

@alllisonnovak

And that’s Mahjong 🀄️ #finalscene #barbaramahjong #mahjong #mahjongdrama #secretlives

Novak told Upworthy how it all began:

"My brother, sister, and I (and my husband and son) visit them every year. My mom and dad picked us up from the airport and immediately started telling me about the drama regarding Barbara. I couldn't help but laugh, and I was like, 'I need to record this!'"