upworthy

Women's Health

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Are they flirting with me or just being nice?

Most of the time it’s tough to know if someone is flirting with you because they have to be subtle. They can’t be too obvious because if the feeling isn’t mutual it can be pretty embarrassing. It’s also tough to detect if someone is flirting because most of the time it’s someone you don’t know very well. Do they like me or are they normally friendly?

It hurts to imagine the number of times we’ve all missed signals that someone was interested in us and a potentially wonderful romance never happened. However, studies show that it happens more often than not.

A study on heterosexuals published in Psychology Today found that women were only 18% accurate in recognizing men’s flirting, while 36% of men were accurate about women's flirting. However, we’re really good at knowing when people aren’t flirting with us.

In the same study, women were 83% accurate in seeing friendliness as just friendliness, and men performed about the same at 84% accuracy.

Jeffery Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, says there are five main styles of flirting: physical, traditional, polite, sincere, and playful.

Physical flirting involves “communicating sexual interest” to a potential partner. Traditional flirting is a tactic primarily used by introverts, where men tend to take the lead and women assume a passive role. Polite flirting involves the use of “proper manners” and is a cautious way of showing you like someone.

Sincere flirting involves telling the person you’re interested, and playful flirts like joking around but their efforts rarely turn into substantial relationships.

A Reddit user, who has since deleted their profile, asked a great question on the AskReddit subforum that should be a big help to those who have a hard time spotting flirtation. They asked, "People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"

A large number of people who responded to the thread gave practical advice on the behaviors that are a giveaway that someone is flirting. The most popular responses are eye contact and laughing at your jokes, even if they aren’t funny.

Here are 15 of our favorite social cues that show someone is interested.

1. The dance of plausible deniability.

"Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability.

"Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not. That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time.

"If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it. You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting. Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.

"Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too :)" – three_furballs

2. Give 'em a chance to be alone.

"If you're in a group of friends (new or old), find a natural opportunity to hang back. Someone who's interested in you will notice and take the opportunity to talk to you in private. Now this isn't full [fool] proof but it'll at least give you the opportunity to feel for any chemistry between you." – Kagamid

3. Conversation should be two-sided.

"Be wary of a one-sided conversation. If your responses are met with mostly "yeps" and "uh huh" and nothing without meat, its probably not going well." – ViciousKnids

4. Ignoring their friend.

"If they look directly at you while talking to their friend it's a good sign." – yassis_bru

5. The reaction shot.

"I read once that if someone looks at you after someone (doesn't have to be you) said something funny and everyone is laughing, they like you. From personal experience, it's true." – luv_sicK

6. Lots of eye contact.

"They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones. They initiate physical contact. They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you)." – TheSurfingRaichu

7. Trust then test.

"In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense. It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence.

"When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend. If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it ... Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question." – MildlyWyld

8. Mirroring.

"Does their body turn toward you or away from you when you talk? Do they mirror your body language?" – Perfect_Draw516

9. They touch you.

"Physical contact. Granted, not everyone flirts the same way but a good sign is if they touch your arm (or the like) or you find them smiling the whole time that you’re talking to them." – Cosmic_Marman

10. Special eye contact.

"When you're in a public space, the direct eye contact (for a beat or two too long) and the look away. One of my go-to moves that always yielded results." – LuLu42

11. Bad jokes.

"Seriously tell a bad joke - look for laughter and smiles that should not be there but are. Then it’s you they are into, definitely not what you said." – YukonBrawler

12. Facial gestures.

"According to Sherlock: licking lips, eyes cast down towards the other persons lips, quirky smile of the lips, dilated eyes. And if the person has long hair, tucking it behind their ear or other fidgety behavior." – fandomfangirl1

13. Mimicking body language.

"In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking does the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign." – flungkle

14. Little adjustment.

"I've noticed that women will do a little adjustment to you, like brushing off a little piece of lint off your lapel or moving a stray hair off your face while talking to you. At least they did back in my rogue days." – robfrankel1

15. Take your shot.

"If you're at a bar and a woman makes eye contact for more than a second without looking away, shoot your shot." – sle7in360

There you have it! If you're picking up any of these signs, it might mean you can go ahead and shoot your shot (respectfully!). Good luck out there!

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Grieving mom stresses importance of glucose test during pregnancy

It can be easy to get caught up in being a "crunchy mom" when you're trying to do what's best for your baby. Most parents want to be as healthy as possible while they're pregnant to make sure they're nourishing their growing baby with the healthiest things. Spending days going down rabbit holes online researching all the different stages of pregnancy and natural options for things that seem unsafe.

Over the last couple of years there has been incorrect information shared in online spaces about the glucose tolerance test given to pregnant people between weeks 24-28 of pregnancy. This high sugar drink is designed to help child birth professionals determine if the mother is likely to have gestational diabetes. The first glucose test is done over the course of an hour, if it comes back outside of normal range another glucose test will be performed over a three hour timeframe.

If the second test returns an abnormal result, doctors are likely to diagnose the pregnant person with gestational diabetes, which requires a change in diet and sometimes insulin. The condition can be well managed with proper care, but if left untreated gestational diabetes can be dangerous for mother and baby.

closeup photography of pregnant woman wearing blue panty Photo by Ignacio Campo on Unsplash

Untreated gestational diabetes can lead to an abnormally large baby, shoulder dystocia, excessive weight gain in the mother, increase likelihood of a cesarian and in some cases, death. But some pregnant people on social media have been refusing to take the glucose tolerance test or trying to "hack" it by drinking a non approved sugary drink incorrectly assuming it will result in the same outcome. Several doctors, midwives, nurses and nutritionists have warned against this trend attempting to put a stop to it.

Unfortunately, a new voice joined the chorus of people warning of the dangers of skipping out on the glucose test during pregnancy. Cora, who goes by the name, Weylyn's Mama on TikTok recently posted a video sharing why pregnant people should take the glucose tolerance test.

a doctor talking to a pregnant woman in a waiting room Photo by CDC on Unsplash

"I was having a planned home birth and my son died. And let's talk about why I think you should never, ever, ever decline the glucose test," Cora says before continuing. "I was having a planned home birth, so I had a midwife and she did tell me, you know, still offered the test. But I also don't think I properly educated myself or was properly told what could happen besides just a 'big baby.'"

Cora explains that her son was large, weighing over ten pounds which caused him to get stuck in the birth canal, though they were able to safely maneuver him out. Sadly, Weylyn was deceased prior to his birth due to the undiagnosed gestational diabetes.

"But the reason is, I had undiagnosed gestational diabetes and we have no idea for how long," Cora shares before adding that she had sugar in her urine and a test showed elevated blood sugar at 24 weeks, but since her midwife didn't seem concerned, she didn't see the need to worry.

a bottle of juice sitting on a green surface Photo by Piero Nigro on Unsplash

"But I do think it's super important, you know you could take the Fresh Test, you could take, honestly, the glucose test now don't even have food dyes in them anymore so if that's a problem, it's like unless you're so, so, so, so, so crunchy you've genuinely have never eaten a single from a fast food place or a restaurant, the glucose test is not worse than anything else you put into your body, I promise you. I promise you. And there is a huge increase in stillbirth with gestational diabetes. I am aware of that now," the woman warns.

Cora is now expecting again and due to her experience with gestational diabetes was screened early. Her screening showed signs of gestational diabetes so she is having to monitor her blood sugar, which has gone well thus far. The grieving mom hopes her story helps to educate expectant people on the risks of declining the glucose testing and she's advocating for better education around gestational diabetes. People rally to support the mom and thank her for being vulnerable enough to share her experience.


@weylynsmama Passing it should also never be the main goal - the main goal is trying to catch the red flags on if you may have gestational diabetes. I see so many crunchy facebook groups trying to get moms to decline it or pass it with things doctors would NOT recommend. #crunchy #homebirth #lossmama #weylyn #fulltermstillbirth #stillborn #37weekspregnant #glucosetest #pass #fail #gestationaldiabetes #thefreshtest ♬ original sound - Cora | Life after Loss

"My OB said it doesn’t matter how healthy you are or how healthy you eat. EVERYONE needs to take a glucose test because ANYONE can get GD. It all depends on your placenta," One person writes.

Dr. Jennifer Lincoln, OBGYN, shares encouragement, "I’m so sorry this happened. You using your voice here might just save a life. I hope you know how powerful that is."

"Thank you for spreading awareness. I’m an l&d nurse and have seen SUCH extremely bad outcomes from undiagnosed/untreated gestational diabetes & hate how much SM has demonized the test," another commenter says.

couple hug GIFGiphy

"I just wanted to thank you for sharing this because I was about to try the protein hack after failing my 1 hr and had no idea how dangerous it was," an expectant mom shares.

When it comes to being extra healthy and watching what goes into your body while pregnant, listening to your medical professional is best. Hopefully Cora continues to have a healthy pregnancy that leads to a smooth birth and a healthy baby. Nothing will replace Weylyn but sharing her story is already proving helpful in stopping someone else from experiencing the same tragedy.

Health

Follow Bill Nye’s lead and use science to quiet pro-lifers

“Be objective about this. We have other problems to solve, everybody.”

Bill Nye "The Science Guy"

With Donald Trump threatening to reverse Roe v. Wade upon taking office, the need to defend women's reproductive rights has never been more urgent. As other writers have pointed out, pro-life fanatics have the power of positive connotation on their side and use this advantage to demean the valid arguments of pro-choice advocates.

I mean, who would ever claim to be in opposition to life? Only, equating zygotes with adult human beings fails to recognize the science behind conception, as Bill Nye points out in an older video that has recently gained new relevancy.


In the video, you can see how frustrated Nye is explaining why abortion rights aren't something we should be debating in the first place. After a brief explanation of how conception occurs, the science educator proves how little our laws have to do with reason or logic.

"You cannot help but notice — and I'm not the first guy to notice — you have a lot of men of European descent passing these extraordinary laws based on ignorance," he says, adding, "It's just a reflection of a deep scientific lack of understanding and you literally apparently don't know what you're talking about." We can only imagine how frustrated he — along with every other advocate of logic — must be feeling now.

While anti-abortion zealots aren't typically eager to consider science or reason, this video could potentially sway those who are on the fence about impeding on women's rights. And while it shouldn't take a white guy to explain why women's rights are human rights, sadly, few people seem to listen when the plea for respect comes from women — despite the fact that these draconian laws only affect them.



Still, Nye and other logic-lovers are willing to hear you out, pro-lifers. If the argument truly comes down to protecting children and not depriving women of basic rights, there are several discussions worth having. For instance, instead of focusing on the rights of unborn babies, perhaps we could put our resources into protecting the children that already exist. We take it for granted that real, live children don't enjoy the same human rights that adults do — an archaic way of thinking that time and time again puts kids in harm's way. By actively fueling global warming, we deprive today's children from having any semblance of a dependable future.

Now, more than ever, it's imperative that we focus on the facts. By relying on scientific evidence to guide a course of action, we can respect one another's beliefs without infringing on one another's rights. It's really not that hard. Take it from The Science Guy himself: "Be objective about this. We have other problems to solve, everybody."

This article originally appeared on 11.23.16

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Maura Quint shares about men responding appropriately.

For anyone who thinks stories of sexual harassment and assault are complicated, writer Maura Quint has a story for you. Actually, she has quite a few. Quint posted a thread on her Twitter account that quickly went viral in which she talked about a number of real-life encounters with men that started out sexual, involved her expressing disinterest, and the men responding appropriately.


It wasn't an unrealistic hero's tale of men handing over the keys to their autonomy. Rather, Quint's incredible thread made it clear that the only variable in cases of assault vs. non-assault are when a man doesn't respect the autonomy of the woman he's propositioning. Her thread opens up in an all-too-familiar tone, where we're led to believe it will go to an incredibly dark place:

date rape, Maura Quint, respect

Maybe?

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Instead, Quint says her indifference to his proposition was met in kind with a guy just acting in a basic, non-rapey way:

honorable, educated, respectful

Should be expected.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

She goes on to offer several other examples of being in sexual or potentially sexual situations with men who also managed to not sexually assault her:

women, real men, character

Annoyed but with character.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

responsibility, honorable, equality

Meeting the right instead of wrong person.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

And here's the real kicker, Quint says she has been assaulted. To her, the difference isn't hard to pinpoint:

role models, parenting, raising good people

Difference being whether they were okay with assault.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Her thread has been re-tweeted nearly 50,000 times and "liked" more than 100,000 times. Other women and some men jumped in with their own tales of drinking, partying and still, somehow, managing to not assault or even harass the women they encountered.

honesty, fairness, behavior

She married him.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

social norms, civic duty, public responsibility

Men avoid abusers too.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

love, kindness, consciousness, respectful

Kind and human.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

It's a stark contrast to the half-baked defenses of Brett Kavanaugh and other men like him. There are incredibly rare exceptions where a man is accused of assault or harassment and he is entirely free of guilt. But for women, or anyone for that matter, who has survived sexual assault or experienced sexual harassment, there is no "gray area."

There's being OK with assault and then there's everything else. Whether or not we're consciously aware of this, we've all chosen a side. But if you're on the wrong side, it doesn't have to be that way forever.


This article originally appeared on 10.02.18