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5 tricks for people with phone anxiety to gracefully end a phone call

It may seem simple, but the awkwardness of ending a phone call can feel debilitating to some.

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Phone anxiety is surprisingly common.

Some people love to talk on the phone, chatting up their friends, family, and acquaintances, effortlessly making conversation from the first "Hello?" to the final "Bye." Others would rather have a root canal done. For people with phone anxiety—also known as telephobia—phone calls are painfully uncomfortable, and just the idea of making a phone call or answering the phone can be enough to send telephobic folks into a panic.

There are far more people with phone anxiety than you might think. A study of office workers in the U.K. in 2019 found that 76 percent of millennials surveyed dealt with phone anxiety, compared with 40 percent of the boomers. Even 40 percent is a lot of people, but three out of four millennials? That's astronomical. Research from Australia shows numbers for Gen Z, who tend to be more prone to anxiety and less experienced with phone calls than their predecessors, to be even higher at a whopping 90%.

People's reasons for being anxious about phone calls vary, but much of it boils down to not being able to see the person we're talking to. In real-life conversations, we rely a lot on non-verbal communication cues, but on the phone we only have our voices to go on. Not having any idea how the person on the other end of the call is receiving what we're saying creates anxiety, and not having any physical cues that aid with the ping-pong of natural conversation can lead to awkward moments of talking over one another.

But perhaps no part of a phone call is worse than the awkwardness of ending one. In real life, you can start gathering your things or use body language to subtly indicate that you're ready to end a conversation. On the phone, you have to signal that verbally, and some of us just aren't adept at the subtleties of graceful verbal exits. "I'm ready to be done talking on the phone now" is what we want to say, but that sounds abrupt. And then there's the back-and-forth pleasantries that seem to have no naturally smooth end to them. For those with socially anxious tendencies, the awkwardness of those final moments of call is unbearable.

However, all is not hopeless for the phonephobes of the world. Ending a call is a skill you can learn and hone with a handful of tools and tricks, like these 5 ways to gracefully end a phone call.

1. Set a time expectation at the beginning of the call that you can reference at the end

This is a "start with the end in mind" tip. When there's a time frame set at the beginning of the call, it's easier to wrap things up without seeming overly eager to get off the phone. Offering a shorter amount of time than you think the call might take helps here. If you know you're not going to want to talk for more than 15 minutes, say you have "about 10 minutes" and then you can give them a little extra. Pepper in some pleasantries, and this trick can give you a natural time to start ending the call.

Beginning of the call: "Hey there! So happy to hear from you! I've got about a half an hour to chat."

After 30 minutes: "Gosh, that time went so fast! I do have to get going, though…"

And if you want it to be a quick call: "Hi! I've got 5 minutes here. What's up?"

At 5 minutes: "I wish I had more time, but let's chat again soon."

If you're the one making the call, you can still set a time frame expectation: "Hey, do you have 10 minutes to chat?" or "I won't keep you long, I just wanted to ask you about…"

2. As you start to feel ready to end the call, indicate a specific amount of time you have left to talk

Instead of, "Okay, I have to go now," which can feel awkward and abrupt, tell the person you have just a minute or two before you have to get off the phone. You don't even have to say what you're doing, just indicate that you need to go soon.

"I've got about a minute before I have to go…"

"I have to run in like two minutes, but I want to hear about…"

"Let me tell share this one last thought and then I have to go."

3. Start using past tense to talk about the conversation you just had

If the goal is to lead the person to the end of the conversation, start talking about it like it's already ending.

"It's been so great to chat with you!"

"This conversation has been so lovely. I've really enjoyed talking with you."

"So glad you called! It was so nice to catch up."

"I'm glad we had the chance to talk about this. It was really important/helpful/enlightening."

4. Express gratitude for the call

A lot of hesitation with ending a call is being afraid the other person with feel like you're trying to get away from them or that you're tired of talking to them. Sometimes that might be the case, but even if it is, you won't want to seem rude. One way to mitigate that is to thank them, which is simple courtesy anyway but also an indicator that it's time to wrap up.

"Thanks so much for calling!"

"I'm so grateful I had the chance to talk with you."

"Thank you for taking the time to chat with me. I really appreciate it."

5. Focus the final wrap up on the other person

So often anxiety makes it so we focus more on what we're saying or thinking about saying than what the other person is saying. But if you focus on really listening, you can reflect back what the person was talking about as way to indicate it's time to conclude the call.

"Oh my gosh, I've just loved hearing about how your job is going and what so-and-so has been up to. So glad things are going so well."

"Well, I'm really sorry to hear about [whatever struggle they've shared] and I hope things turn around soon."

"I've got to get going, but best of luck on your [something they talked about]. You'll have to let me know how it goes."

Ending a phone call may feel like torture for some of us, but as with most anxieties, exposure helps. The more you practice with some specific skills like utilizing the above tips, the easier and more natural it becomes. You might still prefer not to make phone calls if you can help it, but at least when you find yourself on a call, you'll find it easier to leave the conversation without too much excruciating awkwardness.

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From the guy who brought us FOMO, here's how to combat its 'insidious twin,' FOBO

FOBO might actually be causing more damage in your everyday life. Here's how to fix it.

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Patrick J. McGinnis called FOBO "FOMO's insidious twin"

Thanks to “pop entrepreneur” and author Patrick J. McGinnis back in 2004, we had a term to quantify that inexplicable dread of possibly missing out on something fun, grand, or important, otherwise known as “FOMO.”

But McGinnis also coined a term that, arguably, is even more applicable in our everyday lives—“FOBO.” FOBO, as McGinnis writes on his blog, is the “insidious twin of FOMO,” standing for Fear Of a Better Option.

While both FOMO and FOBO are similar in that both derive from a fear of making the “wrong” decision, FOBO distinguishes itself in “intentionality,” McGinnis explains, describing FOMO as "involuntary" and FOBO as a more deliberate “coping mechanism” to the abundance of choices to be made in the modern day.

“When facing these decisions, you pass them through several lenses: your life experience, past disappointments, and yours and other people's expectations, among others. The more choices you have, the more you have to think about when you’re trying to make a decision. What if you choose the wrong thing…You think to yourself: “I have an idea - I’ll just not decide!” You delay making decisions for as long as possible just in case something actually does come along.”

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According to McGinnis, FOBO can look like refusing to “settle” for the options available to us in the moment, piling up as many options as possible, constantly responding with “maybes” or “I’ll get back to you on that,” abandoning ship when it’s time to actually finalize plans, or canceling any plans made a the last minute for “another, shinier option.” I think any of us can remember a time when we were guilty of something like this.

And while McGinnis originally intended for FOBO to be used in the setting of an office environment, it’s easy to see how it manifests in our everyday lives, causing us to never truly commit to anything—including potential passion projects, friends, family functions, you name it—and thus never truly feeling a sense of fulfillment, growth, or trust in our decision making.

“FOBO is a serious problem that can inflict far more damage than FOMO,” McGinnis told Huffpost. “Unlike FOMO, which is largely an internal struggle that mostly hurts you, the costs of FOBO aren’t just borne by you, they are also imposed on those around you.”

So how does one combat FOBO? What strategies help us no longer live in the “in-between” land of "maybe" and trust our instinct once and for all? There are several expert suggestions for this. And while they may be oriented towards work and career, you can easily apply the principles to your everyday life.

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For instance, career coach Helen Thomas suggests getting clear on your main values, doing actual research on something you are pondering (rather than letting it sit in your head), adopting a progress over perfection mindset (as in, accepting that whatever choice you may need not be perfect, so long as you actually make it and act on it), making a contingency plan for if your original decision doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, and of course, committing to a path while accepting that maybe there is no one “right” choice. It all boils down to embracing imperfection while being devoted to your growth, really.

And finally, some words of encouragement form McGinnis himself:

“FOBO is a learned behavior, but it can be unlearned as well. And while you might think that cutting down your options will mean you’ll suffer, you’ll find it is actually entirely liberating.”

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Mental Health

Things people 'used to believe in strongly' but no longer do

From adults being "smart" to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."

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People used to believe "strongly" in these things but no longer do.

It’s normal to adapt your worldview with time and wisdom, especially after realizing that a lot of your past beliefs were built on shaky foundations. When I was a kid, for example, I used to think every doctor on the planet was a virtuous genius—and then I had the pleasure of searching for a long-term gastroenterologist. (I did find a virtuous genius, mind you. But it took a lot of searching.)

On that note, it’s a fascinating exercise to think about our shifting perceptions. In a recent viral post, a group of strangers sounded off on the following prompt: "What’s something you used to believe in strongly but no longer do?"

As of this writing, the top response in the r/AskReddit thread is, "I used to really believe in 'everything happens for a reason,' but now I think sometimes things just happen and we make meaning from it." The exchanges are both enlightening and hilarious as people politely debate the very definition of "reason."

- YouTubeTurning 40 got me thinking about all the lessons I've learned over the years—things I wish someone had told me in my 20s and ...

"It’s up to us to find meaning in what happens," another user wrote, pointing to the random nature of life. "[N]ot everything has some bigger purpose."

Someone replied that "things happen for reasons," just not by some grandiose design. "[H]istory is less God’s plan and more eldritch Lovecraftian chaos. The events of your life were largely decided long ago by patterns of history and culture that none of us can really understand other than to break them down to hyper specific pieces. Even then it largely just seems to drive us insane."

Of course, the question of faith and God was popular and reflected recent research on Americans and religion. In September 2022, the Pew Research Center published a report focused on the decline of Americans’ religious beliefs in recent decades. "Since 2007, the percentage of adults who say they are atheist, agnostic or 'nothing in particular' in the Center’s surveys has grown from 16% to 29%," they wrote. "During this time, the share of U.S. adults who identify as Christian has fallen from 78% to 63%."

Perhaps the most succinct reply in this exchange: "There is a reason. That reason is just usually a combination of entropy and human stupidity."

Someone else wrote that they no longer believe "that adults [are] smart," earning a lot of upvotes. As I illustrated in my comment about doctors, I couldn’t agree more with this one. Growing up, I thought all people over 30 (even those with a low IQ), were rich in other forms of intelligence like life experience and street smarts. Now I’m older than my parents were when I was born, and I realize how wrong I was.

gif of Joey Tribbiana tapping his head and saying, "Not just a hat rack, my friend."Season 6 Knowledge GIF by FriendsGiphy

One user no longer believes that "everything that goes around comes around," and they weren’t alone. In an amazing response, someone wrote, "Karma is highly misunderstood. Good and bad don’t exist; it’s all a matter of perspective. Karma is closer to physics—actions and decisions create consequences that affect our lives in sometimes unseen or unpredictable ways." Deep.

Other responses touch on the death penalty, the nature of empathy, marriage, spirituality, the nature of truth, welfare, marijuana, the idea that "you should never walk out of a job," Santa Claus, the justice system, the American Dream, and the concept of college being "always worth it."

On a lighter note, someone simply wrote, "[That] mayo on fries is gross. Spoiler, it's not."

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3-part study on 'Fear of Happiness' reveals a key mistake we all make when we're feeling down

Ever gone digging inside a compliment to see if you could find an insult buried inside?

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We need to stop doing this to ourselves.

Negative moods have a way of snowballing, of picking up steam and being notoriously difficult to break out of. We know that people who are depressed, show depressive symptoms, or are simply feeling down have a more negative way of viewing things. In fact, it's been argued that adults as a general rule use negative information far more than positive information to learn from or make decisions. This negativity bias permeates much of our lives!

But is it possible that we actively go out of our way to avoid things that might make us feel better? For example, why don't we just look at pictures of puppies, or graciously accept a boost from a compliment offered by a friend? A forthcoming study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology recently put this question to the test.


Chandler sad from FriendsGiphy

There were three parts to the fascinating study out of the University of Minnesota Twin Cities.

In the first part, participants were presented with a prompt, or the beginning part of a very short story. Psychology Today offers an example: “You are walking to the office. You only have about 5 minutes left of your walk. You are debating whether to stop and buy a coffee when…”

They were then asked to choose between three different endings; a positive one ("You see $10 on the sidewalk"), a neutral ("You see a coffee shop"), and a negative ("You trip and fall on the sidewalk") ending. Not surprisingly, people who had been determined to show depressive symptoms (which is not the same as having clinical depression) were less likely to select the positive ending.

The results were reproduced in the second part of the study, which was the same, except the language in the stories was shifted from “You" to the name of a fictitious other person.

The third part of the study was the most interesting. The negative ending to the story was altered in this round to be objectively wrong according to the details provided in the prompt.


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Here's the example from Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD at Psychology Today: “Gary had $30 in his wallet to spend at the mall. He bought a T-shirt for $12, a pair of socks for $5, and a hat for $8. When he reached the cashier, he found that…

… he had $5 remaining in his wallet to buy a small accessory.”

…he didn’t have enough money and had to return one of the items.”

...the t-shirt was $15.”

The first option is inherently 'correct' according to the details of the story. The other two less desirable outcomes require a little mental gymnastics. You have to discard the information you originally received in order to make that version of the story work in your head.

People showing depressive symptoms were still less likely to choose the positive answer, even though it was the only correct one! This indicates that “individuals who are happiness-averse do not merely disregard potential positivity. The presence of positivity inhibits their ability to correctly solve problems," according to the study.

What does it all mean? It means that some people do indeed go out of their way, bending over backwards in some cases, to avoid positive stimulus.

Sad Jimmy Fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy

Especially people who show depressive symptoms like low energy, low self-esteem, and hopelessness. What's fascinating about this particular study is that those depressive symptoms were identified using something called "Fear of Happiness."

What is "Fear of Happiness"? It’s not just a feeling, it’s actually a thing that can be measured. Also called cherophobia, mental health professionals use the Fear of Happiness Scale, sometimes called the Concerns About Positive Feelings scale, to get a better idea of what their patient is thinking and feeling. It offers questions participants must either Agree or Disagree with to various degrees. Questions include: “I worry that if I feel good something bad might happen," "I feel I don’t deserve to be happy," and "If you feel good, you let your guard down.”

The study indicates that people who are feeling badly may actually be uncomfortable on some level with the thought of feeling better, and may go out of their way to avoid stimuli that might improve their mood. The study’s authors say the results of the study could be useful in how we treat some types of depression. Common therapies often have patient try to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones, but this data says that might not be effective. Some people may have an aversion to positive thoughts and may dismiss them outright.

Of course, when it comes to clinical depression, mindset is only one small part. Regular therapy and even medication may be crucial when it comes to treatment. But I think it’s useful for all of us to know we may have a tendency to do this when our mood, energy, and self-esteem are low, and if we can force ourself to stop turning away from the good things that do come our way, we might be able to feel a lot better, a lot faster.

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