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Mental Health

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Psychologist explains why everyone feels exhausted right now and it makes so much sense

Psychologist Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling and it makes perfect sense.

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

It seems like most people are feeling wiped out these days. There's a reason for that.

We're more than four years past the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, and it's been a weird ride, to say the least. These years have been hard, frustrating, confusing and tragic, and yet we keep on keeping on. Except the keeping on part isn't quite as simple as it sounds.

We've sort of collectively decided to move on, come what may. This year has been an experiment in normalcy, but one without a testable hypothesis or clear design. And it's taken a toll. So many people are feeling tired, exhausted, worn thin ("like butter scraped over too much bread," as Bilbo Baggins put it) these days.

But why?

Psychologist and speaker Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling as we close out 2022, and it makes perfect sense.

In a post on Facebook, she wrote:

"A gentle reminder about why you are utterly exhausted…

No one I know began this year on a full tank. Given the vicious onslaught of the previous two years (let’s just call it what it was) most of us dragged ourselves across the finish line of 2021… frazzled, spent, running on aged adrenaline fumes…

We crawled into 2022 still carrying shock, trauma, grief, heaviness, disbelief… The memories of a surreal existence…

And then it began… The fastest hurricane year we could ever have imagined. Whether we have consciously processed it or not, this has been a year of more pressure, more stress, and a race to 'catch up' in all departments… Every. Single. One. Work, school, sports, relationships, life…

Though not intentionally aware, perhaps hopeful that the busier we are, the more readily we will forget… the more easily we will undo the emotional tangle… the more permanently we will wipe away the scarring wounds…

We can’t.

And attempts to re-create some semblance of 'normal' on steroids while disregarding that for almost two years our sympathetic nervous systems were on full alert, has left our collective mental health in tatters. Our children and teens are not exempt. The natural byproduct of fighting a hurricane is complete and utter exhaustion…

So before you begin questioning the absolutely depleted and wrung-dry state you are in- Pause. Breathe. Remind yourself of who you are and what you have endured. And then remind yourself of what you have overcome.

Despite it all, you’re still going. (Even on the days you stumble and find yourself face down in a pile of dirt).

Understanding brings compassion… Most of the world’s citizens are in need of a little extra TLC at the moment. Most are donning invisible 'Handle with care' posters around their necks and 'Fragile' tattoos on their bodies…

Instead of racing to the finish line of this year, tread gently.

Go slowly. Amidst the chaos, find small pockets of silence. Find compassion. Allow the healing. And most of all… Be kind. There’s no human being on earth who couldn’t use just a little bit more of the healing salve of kindness."

Putting it like that, of course we're exhausted. We're like a person who thinks they're feeling better at the end of an illness so they dive fully back into life, only to crash mid-day because their body didn't actually have as much energy as their brain thought it did. We tried to fling ourselves into life, desperate to feel normal and make up for lost time, without taking the time to fully acknowledge the impact of the past two years or to fully recover and heal from it.

Of course, life can't just stop, but we do need to allow some time for our bodies, minds and spirits to heal from what they've been through. The uncertainty, the precariousness of "normal," the after-effects of everything that upended life as we knew it are real. The grief and trauma of those who have experienced the worst of the pandemic are real. The overwhelm of our brains and hearts as we try to process it all is real.

So let's be gentle with one another and ourselves as we roll our harried selves into another new year. We could all use that little extra measure of grace as we strive to figure out what a true and healthy "normal" feels like.

You can follow Naomi Holdt on Facebook.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

"Words Have More Power Than We Thought" by Tum Ulit.

As the saying goes, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Science has proven, on multiple fronts, that this is not the case. And psychology aside, our hearts know just how much leverage both an insult and a compliment can carry. Just think of how your body reacts when remembering the very best thing anyone has ever said about you … and the worst.

Though that saying might be less than accurate, the phrase “a picture’s worth a thousand words” certainly still holds up, especially when it comes to the work of Thai artist Tum Ulit.

Ulit’s comics have captured hearts on Instagram, for both their sweet illustrative style and their powerful, sometimes heavy messages.

One strip from 2022 delivers a thought-provoking and intimate look depicting just how much what we say, for good or for ill, matters.

When used in anger, our words become weapons.

As seen (quite literally) with a couple arguing, insults become swords. Accusations become axes. Instead of practicing nonviolent communication, which focuses on authentically expressing emotions without insults, judgment, or put-downs, the couple use their words to further drive an emotional wedge between them.

non violent communication

All images from "Words Have More Power Than We Thought" by Tim Ulit.

All images via Facebook

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power of words
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power of words comic

And perhaps worst of all, though the husband and wife are intending to attack each other, their son, who hears it all, becomes caught in the crossfire of their unkempt rage.

There’s a reason why words of affirmation are part of the five love languages. As seen here, with the affectionate father visibly praising his son’s monster creation.

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Having this kind of emotional fortitude later helps the son’s confidence become impenetrable, even when schoolmates (and the teacher) make fun of his monster. Which is, of course, totally inappropriate, but also inaccurate, because that little monster is so cute!

Words wound us. But wounds can heal with kindness.

When the kids meet, the son from the previous vignette, who saw his parents fighting, is still carrying the burden of hurtful words.

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tim ulit comics

Clearly not from only his parents fight, but from bullying as well.

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tim ulit comics

Yet with the help of his new friend, he learns that those thoughts don’t have to be carried.

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tim ulit comics
tim ulit comics

The comic cuts to 15 years later, where the monster-creating kid is now a debuting artist, who comes face to face with one of his idols. In an esteem-crushing blow, the idol criticizes the artist’s work (a pain worse than death for most creatives).

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power of words comic
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non violent communication

The harsh judgment blasts like a torpedo straight to the artist’s heart, completely trapping him in his own disappointment.

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non violent communication
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kind words

That is, until his friend comes in to return the favor, and save the day with kindness. This time, encouragement acts like a key, rather than a shield, but still just as effective.

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kind words
kind words
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non violent communication
non violent communication
non violent communication

Words can lift us up or knock us down in one breath. Having distance through technology doesn’t change that, ask anyone who's been trolled or cyberbullied. It’s easier now more than ever to be unkind without consequences online, but let’s remember that what we say does matter. The choice to be kind is always there. And if there is so much power contained in the words we use, let’s make that power a force for good.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

Mental Health

Viral post thoughtfully reexamines Kerri Strug's iconic broken ankle vault at 1996 Olympics

"Yesterday I was excited to show my daughters Kerri Strug's famous one-leg vault...But for some reason I wasn't as inspired watching it this time. In fact, I felt a little sick."

Simone Biles withdrawing from the team final in the Tokyo Olympics and subsequently withdrawing from the individual all-around finals after getting a case of the "twisties" has the world talking. She's received overwhelming support as well as overwhelming criticism for the move, with some praising her for recognizing her limits and others blasting her for not persevering through whatever she's dealing with.

Some people pointed to Kerri Strug, who landed on one foot after vaulting with a broken ankle in the 1996 Olympics to help the U.S. win gold, as an example of the kind of sacrifice an athlete should be willing to make for their country.

Byron Heath shared some thoughts about that fateful day in a viral Facebook post that has been shared more than 370,000 times in less than a day.

Heath wrote:

"This realization I had about Simone Biles is gonna make some people mad, but oh well.

Yesterday I was excited to show my daughters Kerri Strug's famous one-leg vault. It was a defining Olympic moment that I watched live as a kid, and my girls watched raptly as Strug fell, and then limped back to leap again.

But for some reason I wasn't as inspired watching it this time. In fact, I felt a little sick. Maybe being a father and teacher has made me soft, but all I could see was how Kerri Strug looked at her coach, Bela Karolyi, with pleading, terrified eyes, while he shouted back 'You can do it!' over and over again.

My daughters didn't cheer when Strug landed her second vault. Instead they frowned in concern as she collapsed in agony and frantic tears.

'Why did she jump again if she was hurt?' one of my girls asked. I made some inane reply about the heart of a champion or Olympic spirit, but in the back of my mind a thought was festering: *She shouldn't have jumped again*

The more the thought echoed, the stronger my realization became. Coach Karolyi should have gotten his visibly injured athlete medical help immediately! Now that I have two young daughters in gymnastics, I expect their safety to be the coach's number one priority. Instead, Bela Karolyi told Strug to vault again. And he got what he wanted; a gold medal that was more important to him than his athlete's health. I'm sure people will say 'Kerri Strug was a competitor--she WANTED to push through the injury.' That's probably true. But since the last Olympics we've also learned these athletes were put into positions where they could be systematically abused both emotionally and physically, all while being inundated with 'win at all costs' messaging. A teenager under those conditions should have been protected, and told 'No medal is worth the risk of permanent injury.' In fact, we now know that Strug's vault wasn't even necessary to clinch the gold; the U.S. already had an insurmountable lead.

Nevertheless, Bela Karolyi told her to vault again according to his own recounting of their conversation:

'I can't feel my leg,' Strug told Karolyi.

'We got to go one more time,' Karolyi said. 'Shake it out.'

'Do I have to do this again?' Strug asked. 'Can you, can you?' Karolyi wanted to know.

'I don't know yet,' said Strug. 'I will do it. I will, I will.'

The injury forced Strug's retirement at 18 years old. Dominique Moceanu, a generational talent, also retired from injuries shortly after. They were top gymnasts literally pushed to the breaking point, and then put out to pasture. Coach Karolyi and Larry Nassar (the serial sexual abuser) continued their long careers, while the athletes were treated as a disposable resource.

Today Simone Biles--the greatest gymnast of all time--chose to step back from the competition, citing concerns for mental and physical health. I've already seen comments and posts about how Biles 'failed her country', 'quit on us', or 'can't be the greatest if she can't handle the pressure.' Those statements are no different than Coach Karolyi telling an injured teen with wide, frightened eyes: 'We got to go one more time. Shake it out.'

The subtext here is: 'Our gold medal is more important than your well-being.'

Our athletes shouldn't have to destroy themselves to meet our standards. If giving empathetic, authentic support to our Olympians means we'll earn less gold medals, I'm happy to make that trade.

Here's the message I hope we can send to Simone Biles: You are an outstanding athlete, a true role model, and a powerful woman. Nothing will change that. Please don't sacrifice your emotional or physical well-being for our entertainment or national pride. We are proud of you for being brave enough to compete, and proud of you for having the wisdom to know when to step back. Your choice makes you an even better example to our daughters than you were before. WE'RE STILL ROOTING FOR YOU!"

Many people shared Heath's sentiment, with comments pouring in thanking him for putting words to what they were feeling.

We're in a new era where our lens of what's admirable, what's strong, and what's right has shifted. We understand more about the lifelong impact of too many concussions. We have trainers and medics checking on football players after big hits. We are finding a better balance between competitiveness and well-being. We are acknowledging the importance of mental health and physical health.

We are also more aware of how both physical and mental trauma impacts young bodies. Though Kerri Strug pushing through the pain has long been seen as an iconic moment in sports, the adults in the room should have been protecting her, not pushing her through an obvious injury.

And the way this fall of Dominique Moceanu at age 14 was handled is downright shocking by today's standards. She said she never received an exam for it, even after the competition was over. So wrong.

Athletes are not cogs in a wheel, and the desire to win a competition should not trump someone's well-being. Elite gymnasts already put themselves through grueling physical and mental feats; they wouldn't be at the top of their sport if they didn't. But there are limits, and too often in our yearning for a gold medal—or even for a triumphant Olympic story—we push athletes too far.

Now we see some of them pushing back, and knowing what we know now, that's 100% a good thing.


This article originally appeared 3 years ago.

'Love is Blind' alum tackles mental health of reality tv stars

Since MTV first aired "The Real World" in 1992, people have been obsessed with watching people's real life interactions from the comfort of their home. It started off sort of like people-watching, but subsequent shows like "Big Brother" and "Survivor" kicked it up a notch. Instead of just watching a bunch of young roommates figuring out how to live with people from different backgrounds in a new city, it became high intensity, curated living situations.

Basically, 1999 was the last year that reality television resembled a form reality. By the year 2000, unscripted TV became people-watching on steroids. By putting people on an island they can't escape while having to complete challenging tasks with strangers or in a house filled with cameras that they're not allowed to leave cranked up the drama.

Audiences lived for the alliances formed, the enemies made, the arguments, and in more recent years, the love triangles. It all makes for excellent television, but there's a pretty large caveat that seems to be overlooked—these are real people. There's a misconception that because someone is on television that they're overpaid, but the reality is, people that star on unscripted television shows aren't paid very well.

File:Real world go big or go home.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

In fact, most cast members have regular jobs or no job to return to. Many are lacking adequate insurance, if they have insurance at all. A lot of them go onto these shows in good faith, hoping to find love, win life-changing money or hoping to land a scripted gig to further their career aspirations. But there are things that go on behind the scenes of reality television that cast members aren't privy to until the contract is signed and cameras are rolling.

While audience members speculate if producers are creating scenarios to increase the drama, it's something that is very rarely confirmed. But even if you're a huge fan of that kind of TV, you're not typically hoping for some sort of mental harm to come to the cast members whether you like them or not. Yet, more than 20 reality TV stars have died by suicide since 2004 and it seems no one was really addressing the issue in an impactful way until UCAN Foundation came into existence.

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UCAN stands for Unscripted Cast Advocacy Network and was founded by former "Love is Blind" cast member, Jeremy Hart. who has since been joined by fellow alum, Nick Thompson. The two work with Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Isabelle Morley to create a directory of qualified mental health therapists that have experience working with people in the entertainment industry.

"As a cast member of season 2 of Netflix’s 'Love is Blind,' I've experienced firsthand the abusive and exploitative environment perpetuated within unscripted production environments," Hart's UCAN bio reads. "I decided to start the UCAN Foundation to create a catalyst for change in an industry that historically has been immune to transparency and accountability in its practices."

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The goal is to connect reality television cast members with therapists that either accept the cast member's insurance or can provide services at a reduced rate. This isn't something just for cast members that are no longer on the show; they provide assistance before, during and after production. UCAN isn't just a mental health matching service, either; the nonprofit assists with contract review, helping cast members understand their rights and legal support if a dispute arises. The board of directors is also made up of former reality television cast members, so there's an empathetic ear at every turn.

Hart and Thompson teamed up with More Perfect Union for a short documentary about the realities unscripted TV cast members face. In a shocking revelation, the alleged mistreatment starts immediately.

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"They are in control of every element of your life. You're put into a hotel room and you don't have a key. You don't have access to water unless you want to drink it out of the faucet or the shower. We're all just sitting there not being fed on a regular cadence but definitely being fed a lot of alcohol," Thompson shares with More Perfect Union.

Hart discloses an initial experience equally as concerning. "Not only did they take our phones, they took our wallets, they took our IDs, they took our passports, all in the same instance, without telling us ahead of time this was going to happen," he says. "You never see daylight unless you're allowed to use the bathroom, which is a trailer outside."

UCAN's website asserts, "While the content is enjoyable, you may not realize how much exploitation goes on behind the scenes. Many cast members are treated poorly, subject to inhumane working conditions, sophisticated psychological manipulation tactics and a threatening atmosphere—all for little to no pay. Cast members often leave shows mentally distraught with nowhere to turn."

Additional cast members have come out to talk about their time on different reality shows, which seems to be similar to the experiences of Hart and Thompson. With reality TV becoming a large part of Western culture, it's not likely to end anytime soon. But thanks to UCAN and their team of dedicated former cast members and therapists, no reality television star has to go through the process alone while the agency fights for conditions to improve.