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Jimmy Carr on why young men struggle: "We're giving away our power for cheap dopamine."

The comedian breaks down why young men are more disconnected than ever—and what we can do about it.

Albin Olsson, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jimmy Carr gets real about the mental health crisis facing young men.

There are countless opportunities for today's young men to experience the highs of a career or a relationship without having to put in the work and take the risks that would, just a decade ago, have been required to obtain either. Comedian Jimmy Carr, known for his biting wit, iconic laugh, and occasional tax evasion, recently shared his insights on the mental health crisis stalking today's young men, and the unexpected insightfulness of his thoughts has exploded online. Speaking on a podcast, Carr explained how many men are replacing real-world goals with digital distractions like video games and pornography. He believes this trend is symptomatic of a deeper issue—a generation avoiding real challenges and meaningful connections.

The dopamine trap: virtual rewards vs. real-life progress

Carr pointed out that young men spend countless hours gaming because it serves as a substitute for real-world achievement. "Young men today are obsessed with video games. Why? Because that’s a proxy for a career," he said, explaining how virtual progress in games mimics the success they’re not achieving in life. Pornography, in his view, plays a similar role, standing in for real-world relationships.

"George Orwell wasn’t right—our power won’t be taken away from us by an authoritarian regime. We’re giving it away for cheap dopamine," Carr warned, emphasizing that these virtual escapes are preventing young men from confronting the real challenges that lead to personal growth.


Jimmy Carr on young men's mental health crisis and the cheap substitutions for real challenges, relationships, careers
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On Reddit, user @bellow_whale agreed, adding that these behaviors are "symptoms, not the cause," citing larger societal issues like stagnant upward mobility and the decline of traditional career paths as contributing factors.

"George Orwell wasn’t right—our power won’t be taken away from us by some authoritarian master. We’re giving it away for cheap dopamine."

— Jimmy Carr

Helicopter parenting and the crisis of masculinity

Carr believes this crisis has roots in how boys are raised today, citing "helicopter parenting" as a key issue. He explained that young men are not being given the freedom to take risks, which is essential for their development. “14-year-olds used to be babysitters,” he noted. “They now need babysitters. That's not good.”

By limiting their exposure to risk, Carr argues, society is pushing young men to seek freedom and excitement in the virtual world instead. "There's no freedom in the real world. You're not allowed to go to the park and hangout, but you're allowed to do whatever you want online," Carr said. “That feels like a bad social experiment.”



Redditor @nickyb1983 echoed Carr’s sentiment, quoting Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death, which warned of a society drowning in distractions. "What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one," they pointed out, aligning Carr’s message with broader concerns about the numbing effects of entertainment.

The vacuum of male role models

Carr also highlighted the lack of male role models, which has left young men turning to questionable figures like controversial influencer Andrew Tate. "There’s a vacuum. We used to learn from our fathers how to shave, how to be men. Now it’s a YouTube tutorial," he said. Without strong, positive figures in their lives, young men are left with distorted ideas of masculinity, often championed by influencers who offer toxic versions of manhood.

Carr described Tate as “a 14-year-old boy’s idea of what masculinity might look like,” and stressed that the real solution is much simpler. “Be a gentleman. Be a mensch. A gentleman is never rude by accident,” Carr advised, urging young men to embrace kindness and respect.

"A gentleman is never rude by accident."

— Jimmy Carr

On Reddit, user @Find_Spot supported Carr’s observations on role models, adding, "He makes a few very good points: 'Consent' really needs to be properly taught." They emphasized how many young men are growing up without proper guidance on basic social and moral concepts.

The road back to real life


via GIPHY


Ultimately, Carr believes the way forward is for young men to reconnect with the real world, face challenges, and develop meaningful relationships. “Get the drugs and the real thing. Don’t live online—live in the world,” he urged.

Carr’s commentary sparked thoughtful discussions across social media, with many agreeing that the crisis young men face is not simply about avoiding responsibility, but rather about societal structures that no longer support them in the ways they once did. As user @jonathanquirk on Reddit put it, "We use video games as a substitute for a career because working hard only results in more work, not more money."

While Carr's humor and candor made the conversation accessible, his message was a serious call to action. As rates of depression and suicidality continue to rise among young men, Carr's observations highlight the urgent need for society to reevaluate how it supports, mentors, and guides its younger generation.

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Men's Health

These men bravely shared their own harrowing abusive-relationship stories

This is what being a real man looks like.

Grzegorz Walczak/Unsplash & Reddit

Many of us are familiar with the signs of an abusive relationship.

Physical violence is only one of many. Extreme jealousy, verbal insults, controlling behavior, and victim blaming are all hallmark signs that someone is an abusive partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

What we rarely talk about, though, is that for as often as men are the perpetrators of abuse, they can just as easily be victims.


Hundreds of men recently took to Reddit to share their own harrowing stories of abusive relationships.

As many as 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical abuse by a partner. For women, it's as many as 1 in 3.

That's a staggering percentage of people.

The grim and heartbreaking thread helped shed some light on an under-recognized reality: Abuse is abuse, and it has no gender.

Here are some of the main takeaways from the powerful thread, which is worth a full-read.

Note: Last names have been left out to protect victims of abuse.

1. The support system for men who are victims of abuse is extremely poor.

Robert, who shared his story of an abusive relationship in the thread, wrote that his ex would threaten him and lash out physically, but no one would ever take his complaints seriously.

"She would throw knives at stuff and wreck the house," he wrote. "I went through 16 police calls before one of them finally gave her a charge for assault."

When the two were finally separated (he writes that she was arrested on a separate charge), he had to turn to information meant for battered women for help putting his life back together.

The sad truth is that the shelters and groups out there dedicated to helping men in abusive relationships are depressingly scarce.

2. Men can be victims of physical abuse too. Often at the detriment of their "manhood."

a man looking at his cell phone in the dark

Photo by Richard Stachmann on Unsplash

It's hard enough for many men being abused to find people who'll believe them. It's made even tougher that they might be made out to look like less of a man if they come clean.

"It's like I was supposed to just take it because I was a man," Robert wrote.

Tom, another man who shared his story, wrote that he was "embarrassed" when his ex would hit him during arguments, in public, but that he never even considered it abuse until long after they broke up.

Research supports the idea that men might be even less likely than women to report physical abuse. And we wonder why phrases like, "Man up!" are so harmful.

3. The patterns of abusive behavior are consistent whether abusers are men or women.

Another Reddit user, William, said he wasn't allowed to hang out with certain people his partner didn't like,and the controlling and manipulative behavior took a heavy toll on him.

"I knew deep down no matter what I did to try and make her happy it was never good enough. I never felt so useless," he wrote.

Many men in the thread, like Richie, wrote that the psychological trauma from their abusive relationship was the most difficult thing to reconcile and recover from.

Mood swings, illogical fights, and suicidal threats from Richie's partner pushed him to a breaking point.

"It wore me down to the bone," he wrote. "I was a shell of myself at one point."

The original thread on Reddit makes one thing abundantly clear: The problem of partner violence and abuse is likely much bigger than many people realize.

Over 10 million men and women in the United States are victims of physical domestic abuse every year; a number that doesn't include behaviors like lying, threats, and manipulation.

Toxic concepts of masculinity can sometimes lead to men becoming abusers, but as this thread shows, they can also paralyze men who need help.

Fixing our culture's broken idea of what makes a man could be a crucial step toward ending domestic violence and abuse for both men and women.

In the meantime, we can listen to the victims' stories. Everyone, man or woman, deserves to be heard.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and wants to seek help, start by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which offers support for men, women, and children.


This article originally appeared on 4.12.17
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Historians take to Reddit to gloriously dispel the 'boys don't cry myth'

"Masculinity and tears have not always been at odds."

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Time to stop believing this myth once and for all

Who decided "big boys don't cry"?

It's not rare to see powerful and high profile men overcome with emotion at times, but when they do, it's usually met with some form of criticism or seen as a display of weakness. Simply put, in today's world boys and men are simply not expected to display vulnerable emotions like sadness and grief. (But anger is usually A-OK!)

When we think of the founding pillars of "manliness," we think of strength, bravery, and stoicism, and we often assume that it's just always been that way. After all, ancient Greek warriors didn't cry! Medieval knights didn't cry! Men just don't cry! It's, like, biology or something! Right? Right?

Well, actually...

A couple of historians recently took to Reddit to debunk this myth once and for all.

A user named Sassenacho prompted the thread on the r/AskHistorians subreddit with a simple question: "Today, there are voices that call for (much needed) acceptance of men's emotionality, but it is still kind of taboo. I was wondering when and why this changed in western society."

Photo by Luca DG Photography on Unsplash

The explanations that ensued were fascinating.

Cassidy Percoco, a curator and historian at the St. Lawrence County Historical Association and author of "Regency Women's Dress" kicked things off, explaining that "masculinity and tears have not always been at odds."

Those rough and tumble medieval knights with their shiny armor and big swords? Percoco says they were actually expected to weep on occasion.

"In the Middle Ages there was a trope of masculine weeping being a mark of religious devotion and knightly chivalry; by the sixteenth century it was well-established that a masculine man was supposed to have deep emotions and to show them — in some cases, through tears."

It was a part of the whole chivalry thing and a sign of religious devotion.

As far back as Biblical times and in the age of Greek and Roman heroes, crying out of grief or sadness was just something men were expected to do.

From there, Percoco jumped forward to 17th and 18th century England. Hundreds and hundreds of years later, men crying and sharing their feelings — a gentlemanly trait known as "sensibility" — still hadn't gone out of style.

"A gentleman was to be courteous to women and other men, to talk problems out, to keep from bursting into loud displays of anger or drunkenness. You might think that that would also put the kibosh on weeping — giving way to feelings of all sorts — but this was not the case. Another gentlemanly trait of the eighteenth century was sensibility, which today sounds like it ought to mean "rationality" but is actually being aware of and susceptible to one's finer emotions."

Alex Wetmore, assistant professor in the English department at University of the Fraser Valley, chimed in as well to explain that in the mid-to-late 1700s, popular fiction often celebrated male leads who cried "a lot"!

"People are often interested to hear that there was a period of time of a few decades (1740s to 1770s) where fiction devoted to men who cry (a lot!) was not only acceptable, but, in fact, tremendously popular and widely celebrated."

Wetmore identified an archetype, which he calls "The Man of Feeling," who appears in a ton of novels from that era. (Wetmore even wrote a bookon the subject.)

"When I try to explain this recurring character type to students, I usually describe him as like a comic book superhero ... BUT with the notable exception that the 'superpower' of men of feeling is an ability to spontaneously shed copious amounts of tears."

It's quite the contrast to the unflinching action heroes we see today.

Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash

It wasn't until the early 1800s that things began to change, and men started feeling the pressure to hold those tears in.

Percoco and Wetmore were both hesitant to prescribe a definite cause and effect relationship, but they do suspect the Industrial Revolution played a big part in turning the tide. (Reportedly, some factory managers actually trained workers, usually men, to suppress their emotions in order to keep productivity high.)

The age of the stoic and emotionless cowboy (a la John Wayne, who most people agree never cried in a movie) wasn't far behind, followed by the gun-wielding "Die Hard"-ian action heroes of modern cinema.

But ... while fictional macho men may have been suppressing their tears, the real men of the real world were doing the same thing they'd always done: wearing their hearts on their sleeves.

For instance: General Ulysses S. Grant cried when the Civil War finally ended. President Eisenhower cried on the eve of D-Day. And baseball legend Lou Gehrig cried when the Yankees retired his number.

And, yet, since it took hold about 200 years ago, the expectation that "boys don't cry" persists.

Today's world is certainly not one that celebrates open displays of emotion from men, often to their detriment.

Research shows that these repressed feelings can often come out in unhealthy and harmful ways, and it's all so we can meet a standard of masculinity that, likely, never truly existed.

Next time you catch someone bemoaning the "wussification of American boys" and yearning for a time "when men were men," it might be worth asking them when, exactly, they think that was.

This article originally appeared on 11.20.17

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A growing trend has the majority of German men sitting to pee. Here's why.

There are two big reasons.

via Ralphs_Fotos/Pixabay and Clker-Free-Vector-Images/Pixabay

A symbol of a man using the restroom and the German flag

A sexist stereotype in America is that men who sit down to pee are less masculine than those who stand while urinating. Some even assume that men who sit down to pee have been emasculated by a woman who wanted to deprive them of their God-given right to pee while standing up.

It’s a little strange that some people’s masculinity is so closely tied to how they use the restroom, but it’s not an uncommon theme throughout the world.

The same stereotype exists in Germany, where men who sit to pee are known as sitzpinklers. However, due to a rapid change in public opinion regarding peeing standing up, most German men now pee sitting down, and being a sitzpinkler is much less of an insult.

Recently, YouGov polled 13 countries worldwide to discover the cultural differences in the sit-versus-stand debate amongst men. The poll found that Germany was, by far, the leader in men who sit while peeing. Sixty-two percent of German men sit to pee every time or most of the time. Sweden came in a distant second, with the country split 50-50 on the issue.

American men prefer standing, with only 23% saying they sit most of the time. The country most likely to stand was Mexico, where 21% sit most time.

Why is it that sitting to pee has taken hold in Germany? It’s become a public health issue, and standing to pee isn’t allowed in some places. This is especially common in areas with communal living, such as an apartment building, because no one wants to clean the pee off the floor. It’s also considered rude by many to stand to pee in another person’s home.

Let’s face it, even men with expert aim are bound to miss occasionally. Plus, anyone who has raised a child knows that even though they are closer to the bowl, they still have a hard time keeping it off the seat and the floor.

In some places in Germany, when a man opens a toilet, an electronic voice (known as the WC-Geist or “toilet ghost” in English) reminds them to please sit while doing their business.

There are some compelling reasons why men should sit down while peeing. A study cited by The Sun found that splashback from urine droplets that hit the hard porcelain and catapult urine up to 10 feet away. Another study from 2021 found that after flushing a urinal, “tens of thousands” of diseased pathogens fly out of the bowl.

A study from The Netherlands found health benefits for men who sit while peeing. In a seated position, men urinate with a greater force, which is beneficial for those with prostate problems and lower urinary tract disease. The greater pressure also means that sitting to pee eliminates the bladder faster and more completely.

Aside from the significant change in public opinion in the sitting-versus-standing debate, more German men may be sitting to pee because it’s easier to look at your phone when your hands are free.

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